It was a busy day

I made a list of all the things I want to write about....

1. Two phone calls today at work. Both had pretty good outcomes and both were related to the big upcoming presentation in December. I will write more about them later, but I just have to share that I am glad they were phone calls and not face-to-face meetings.

I was sitting with my boss during them, and during one of them I was vacilating between being outraged and then happy. When I was outraged I would shake my fist at the phone or hit myself in the head (as in DON'T BE SO STUPID PEOPLE). When I was happy I would do all sorts of cheering moves with my arms.

Aren't phone conferences fun?

2. Weaning... (I think this is post 643 about this... or maybe it just feels that way.) Part of me really wants to wean K (30 months) and part of me feels guilty when I feel that way. I wanted to do child-led weaning, but I am feeling like if I let K decide, I might be nursing her until college.

I am still letting her nurse twice a day, but I am now trying to only let her nurse 1-2 minutes in the morning and then at night. At night, by her own choice, she stops after about 30 seconds. I think this is a postive sign!!! In the morning, she would nurse until she drained me, but I don't let her do that anymore. I am trying to get her more interested in "real" food. That's part of the problem, she just really doesn't like many different kinds of food. When I stop her in the morning, she looks at me and says, "But there is still milk in there Mommy. I want more."

T is still nursing, but she is only 15 months. I think she will probably be easier than K and harder than N. Once again, she's in the middle of K and N and they are my anchor points. N weaned herself at 15 months. I didn't discourage it and kind of encouraged it after she didn't nurse (her choice) for 2 mornings (not in a row, but she was only nursing for about 1 minute a day anyway). It certainly wasn't hard weaning her. (I have detailed notes in another journal where I agonized over the decision, but looking back, it was so easy.)

3. Driving fun... I got stuck in a horrible traffic jam today. In 25 minutes, I managed to drive .5 of a mile. I was almost out of gas. I was so relieved that I made it off the freeway and to a gas station. I called my Mom to chat with her while I had the time (and since I wasn't actually driving). She was so nervous for me. She couldn't believe how calm I was. Yea, I didn't want to run out of gas, but freaking out about the potential really wasn't going to help the situation. I usually try to reserve freaking out for when it will help. I used to freak out more, but then I learned that it actually rarely helps situations. Don't Panic is a great motto. (I need a button with that on it... I know MWH, KJ and Ruth can name where that comes from... Anyone else?)

(Note, this weekend, I freaked out about the house maybe not being done for my schedule.... This freaking out DID NOT help the situation.

I am now back in control of my emotions about the house. It actually looks like we might be back on schedule, but our schedule, and being on it, has nothing to do with my freak out. I truly am embarrassed for how upset I got over the weekend. I just really really want to move into the new house. I am just tired of feeling so unsettled. I realize I could have many worse problems so that is why I am no longer complaining.)

Sigh... I had more things on my list, but now I can't find my list...

4. Things I need to do...

Get my car serviced
Get my eyelashes tinted
Get my back x-rayed (it is actually feeling a bit better and I should update about that)
Go to the chiropractor
Go do nice back exercises
Go to the paint store
Work on my presentation for work


If you haven't, and if you want to join in, read the Gift Idea Exchange post and add your thoughts. Please?

Not a post

Thank you for posting in the Gift Idea Exchange. Not to be confusing, but this is not a post. This is a "please read the previous post" and "then post a comment" post.

I love hearing what people think/ are doing so please post and let me know what you're doing. Regular posts will resume soon, but I love hearing from you!!!!

Gift Idea Exchange

Edited with one more idea at the bottom

In a long, rambling post, I suggested that maybe we could have an exchange of ideas about low-cost, yet not junk Holiday gifts for kids.... (you can include ideas for a spouse if you like too). My friend, KJ, said she'd play along too... Anyone else want to play?

The rules... I telll you what I'm thinking for gifts (low-cost and not something cluttery) and then you share what you're thinking.

Here are some of the things I'm thinking...

1. Books NEVER junk...Always good, but I don't have any specific ones in mind... I'd like to shoot for books for N's age--almost 5! If you have any favorites, I'd love to know. (Yea, I know this one is a no-brainer!)

2. Bath soap / Bath Crayons / Foam Soap (Sesame Street or Dora are fun)

My girls LOVE this stuff. It makes bath time fun! Baths are often an hour (or longer) activity at our house. I don't consider this junk because it provides so much entertainment, and because it runs out so I'm not stuck with JUNK. During their long baths, they pretty much play nice with each other with me just supervising... they don't fight in the bath tub (go figure!). See why I encourage bath time fun?

3. Art supply boxes with their names on them... Maybe get something like this and put their names on them with those foam sticky letters.... I'd prefer something with a handle for them that looks like a little tackle box. I plan to put new crayons, glitter glue, washable markers and things for them to trace in the box... (or something like that). Or they could just get the box with nothing in it (I'll probably at least stick crayons in it)... They will love having their very own personalized box to fill up and carry around (that's why I want a handle!).

4. Towels wraps (I probably don't have time to make these this year. And for next year, I'll probably try to suggest this to MWH's Mom for her to give the girls. She is very good at making things. I am not.) See this for a how-to. One modification I would make to that is that I would add straps to it. I have a towel wrap for me that has straps and I LOVE it. My girls love it when I wear it. They tell me they want one when they see me wearing mine. They tell me they love my beautiful dress. It has flowers on it so it must be beautiful.

6. DVDs. I always feel a good DVD is a gift that keeps on giving. I love it when the girls get DVDS. They also don't take up much room. I don't mind when N and K watch a DVD because we usually always do educational ones. We are doing more movies that are more entertainment and not educational. (We've done Nemo, Charlotte's Web, Heffalump, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast (The last two to my chagrin!), and now we want the Cars DVD.)

7. Dress up clothes (hats, boas, etc. Michael's has them fairly cheap...Granted this falls into the "we'll have more stuff" category, but I love things that encourage the girls to be creative.)

8. Both N and K want some more dresses. K is TOTALLY INTO CLOTHES. You know, most kids don't like getting clothes as a present, but I imagine K will love getting them. I'm thinking about getting them each a dress. It seems like cheating, but I think they will both like it.

Here's a couple of random things I may want to get.

one Floor art pad

two Craft apron

It may seem lame to buy "paper" for your kid, but that poster size floor paper is great. N had it when she was about 2 and she loved it. I couldn't find it again. I am so excited that we can have it again!

Oh... Nino shared that this was a wonderful present last year. Any one else concur? I think my girls would like it.


Okay... I shared. Your turn! What are you thinking about?

Next up (or very soon)... A post about what N and K have asked for.... I don't really like their requests, including one "big" item, but that's a whole 'nother post! Your turn... Share! Please!

One more idea

I know Nino has a lot of Christmas ornaments that have a lot of sentimental value to her. I think I am going to start giving each little girl an ornament that they hang on the tree each year. Perhaps I'll have a special boxes for N, K and T to store their own ornaments in at the end of the holiday and then next year they'll each be "responsible" for hanging up their ornaments that they already have and then they'll get one more on Christmas. When they grow up, they'll have some ornaments to take with them to their own house and share with their family. It will be interesting to see what they remember about this tradition. What do you think?

House update #49

If the last one was 48 then this one must be 49.

According to our general contractor, we are still be on schedule for painting preparation to begin.... wait for it.... TOMORROW!!! (But, bleh, MWH can't get in touch with the painting contractor. GRRR to the painting contractor.)

We have now ordered kitchen counters (we ordered yesterday) We ordered all of the bathroom counters too.

We still need to order our stone for the fireplace. I'm hoping to recreate this look.






Kidding!

I have the list of paint colors started and we need to get it to the painting contractor soon.

I'll know more about timing issues after I talk to MWH tonight.

Crackberry tip

Situation...

You need to send a long email.

Tools available...

You have your powerbook. You have your crackberry. You also have the cable to connect your crackberry to your powerbook (cause you are such a geek that you carry it in your purse).

Problem...

There is no Wi-Fi signal available for your powerbook.



What do you do?


My solution...

Type the long email on your powerbook in the "notes" program that syncs to the crackberry. After finishing the email in notes, sync to the crackberry. Then copy and paste the email from notes into email on the crackberry and send via the crackberry.

This solution is good because 1) it prevents crackberry thumb, 2) allows you to type MUCH faster, and 3) impresses your colleagues that you care enough to type them really long emails on your crackberry because you have the crackberry signature on your email since the email came from your crackberry.

This just in....

T (15 months) says "up" and "down" correctly. She was climbing onto a chair and said "Uhh....." then she climbed down and said "Duhhhhh." She did it several more times. Daddy (MWH) was watching her and just shared this accomplishment with me. I witnessed it. Wow.

She's also grabbing toys and pretend cooking at the kitchen. I love this stage. (But then again, I love all the stages.)

Edited to add: 5 minutes after she demonstrated her understanding of up and down on the chair, she and I went upstairs and she demonstrated her generalization of the concept as she walked up to my bed, patted it and said, "Uhhh." This girl is amazing!

A confirmatory sign?

I've said many a time how extremely different N (4.75) and K (2.5) are. If N says yes K will say no. Or, take for example, how much N loves to wear long-sleeved PJs and K wears the skimpiest little nightgowns. Or how N also always wears socks to bed--even in the summer when it's over one-hundred degrees outside. K never wears socks--even as the daily high is hovering below 60 and the low in the night gets in the 40's.

Since T's been around (15 months now), I've always imagined she was going to be somewhere in the middle of her older sisters' extremes. I think I am getting evidence of this. Recently, T has been pulling off one sock and running around the house with one sock on and one off. Such compromise.

I never dreamed one sock on and one off would be the first sign of T's moderation. MWH noticed this. (Note, he never wears socks (errrrr maybe never wears them unless he wears a suit and I think I can count on one hand, but definitely two hands how many times I've seen him wear a suit). I wear socks in the winter. He wondered if T's wearing of just one sock was an odd, new form of inheritance. We know it's not blending or non-blending. Maybe it's a type of gene grafting or something odd like that.

I'm just sayin'

If you're talking on your cell phone, rather loudly, in the midst of a crowded store, you might not want to be having this conversation, "When my brother's company got raided by the FBI, and they found evidence of fraud, he lost all of his funding and had to file for bankruptcy."

I have no idea who the woman was who was talking on her cell phone and saying that. In fact, I really didn't want to hear any more or get to know her.

Perhaps she was conducting a social science experiment to judge how people react.

I moved away from her as inconspicuously (and as quickly) as possible.

Catch up

1. My Mom went home from the hospital yesterday (Friday, 11/24). She is weak and tired and can't eat very much. I hope she can make a full recovery. Surgery for an octogenarian is never easy. I am going to try to figure out a time to go see her soon.

2. K (2.5) is doing a little better sleeping in her bed. We're running her around at the park each day or taking her out for lots of errands. She loves to be out of the house. She gets so bored at home it seems. N (4.75), by contrast, is a home body. The differences between those two girls is just amazing! I don't think they could be more opposite.

3. N made me another list for the store tonight. She's getting pretty good at spelling and writing now. I am so impressed. I love seeing new cognitive developments occur. She is really into practicing writing and thinking about letters. When we are driving places, she will describe to me how to write each letter. She's now doing the same with numbers. Apparently this is how they teach them to write at her preschool, but she really takes her lessons to heart.

4. Our Thanksgiving for 2006 was very similar to our Thanksgiving for 2005 with the exception of going to a NEW park. One that we'd never gone to before. It was a fun one. We played for about 2 hours (plus had a snack break). The girls were exhausted when we got home. K especially. The park we went to has a water area in the summer and we are excited to check it out to see the water area in all of its wonderful wet wetness!

5. This morning K started to wake me up at 7 am. I sat up in bed, looked at her, and growled. "If you wake me up, NO PRINCESS STICKER." I then pointed in the direction of her room and she ran back to bed. She slept until about 9:30! Woo-hoo!

6. We're making lists of things that might help speed up a few things for the remodel. I've got my fingers crossed, but am okay with moving in before the New Year if need be. I would prefer before Christmas, but after this much time and money, a few days more won't make that much difference.

7. T has a cold. Remember when N had a fever? It was just a fever and no other symptoms. And then about 4 days after the fever she started coming down with a cold. It was a very mild cold. Then a few days later K got it. (That put us up to last weekend). Then T started coming down with it mid-week. (Dates approximate.) T seems like she's suffering more than her sisters did. So far, K seems to be recovering well. N seemed all better at the beginning of this week until today but now she's coughing a lot. I don't know if from the fever until now is one bug, or many little bugs or what. Alas, I will probably never know. I'm just really hoping that MWH and I can sit this round of illness out.

8. I arranged my travel for the big work project. I am not excited about the trip. I think I've told you how much I really dislike traveling for work. I don't like to travel for fun, but I really don't for work. I will leave Sunday morning (in December) around 5:30 - 6 am from my house, get to the airport and the plane is scheduled to leave around 8:20 am. I land at 4:30 or 5 and see my nephew and stay with him.

The next morning (Monday) my boss and I meet, do work and head to the presentation (12-2) and then I hang until my plane leave at 8 pm that night. I am hopeful that a good friend will be able to come see me for the afternoon while I am there. She lives a ways away, but there is a chance she can plan a trip for other purposes to where I'll be. (She used to live where I'll be and she loves it, so it may happen.) Seeing my nephew will be great. If I can see my friend too, it will be even better!

9. The trip (see #8) will be the first time I have ever been away from all the girls overnight since N was born in 2002. I have done 3 business trips since 2002 (this will be #4) but I've always had a baby with me on the trip. I am not sure I am going to know what to do with myself.

10. I have ideas for Christmas gifts for the girls that I'll share with you soon. I don't want to spend lots of money. I don't want to buy things that they won't play with, and I know that they will get TONS of other things from their relatives, so I'll share what I'm thinking with you and maybe we can have an exchange of ideas?

11. Can you BELIEVE how many stores opened at insane times (e.g., 4 am) on the day after Thanksgiving? I am so bah humbug about Christmas shopping. I hate it. Christmas should be about family and hanging out, NOT ABOUT BUYING JUNK. I am not into decorating (I do some for the girls 'cause they love it so), but if I didn't have the girls, I don't think I would do any. I am glad I have the girls because their excitement towards all things Christmas make me less cynical, but I am still cynical. I read once that most humbugs are hypocrites and that if they were really true humbugs they wouldn't accept presents, but that they LIKE getting presents. I have to admit I do like presents, but I don't like the presents as much as I hate the hassel.

We put ourselves through so much of it for one day. And we worry and stress about it. I know so many people who say they aren't having any fun during the Holiday Season because there is so much to do that they can't enjoy themselves. I know so many other people who put so much pressure on themselves to make everything perfect for one day.

I don't like it when there are "high expectations" for anything. My own Mother always had images in her mind about what things (e.g., holiday celebrations, presents, her daughter) were supposed to be like, and she spent a lot of time being disappointed it seemed. I try not to have expectations about things. I try to just go-with-the-flow and take what I get because I don't want to be disappointed. Does that make sense? I am not a planner in part because of this. If I don't think about something too much, then I won't have expectations. (I'm thinking about this, because I am feeling disappointed by the house remodel schedule.)

I wonder if my laid back attitude will end up driving my girls crazy. Heh.

Okay... enough rambling for now.

3 x almost 8

Last night was my third night of about 8 hours of sleep. After the first night of 8 hours, I felt SUPER. Yesterday, I felt pretty good, but kind of like I had a hangover, and I haven't had anything to drink since 1997, so it's probably not a hangover. Today, again, pretty good, but a little hangover-ish. There's a theory of sleep dept. I am deeply in dept. It will take a little while to catch up, but I am going to make it a priority. You can also read about sleep debt here.

Pensieve not to be confused with pensive. (short version)

Pensieve. Pensive.

I love the line in Wikipedia about the pensieve that says, "It also relieves the mind when it becomes flooded with information."

Today, out painting contractor flooded my mind. Thus, this is a pensieve. He basically doesn't think we'll be in the new house before Christmas. He's leaving town on 12/21 so I would like our painting job to be COMPLETE by then.

The floor guy doesn't want to finish the floor until the painter is done.

The painter won't start until the general contractor is done with all the trim and baseboards. The general has not started on the baseboard or trim because the kitchen cabinets took longer to put together.

The painter will need about 2 weeks.


I'm not going to go into the rest of it here, but basically, I don't think we'll be in before Christmas. I sure hope we're in before 12/31.

I think my blood pressure is soaring right now. I can hear the blood pounding in my ears.


I have to go work on some of my slides for the big presentation coming up.

It's hard to concentrate when distracted.

Color me Paint me pensive.

A few T things

Note, this post kind of rambles because it was started on 11/10 and finished 11/23.

T's new words (as of 11/10)

Shoe-shoes
choo-choo (as in train) (it sounds remarkably like shoe-shoes, but only said in the context of trains as opposed to shoe-shoes which is said in the context of shoes or feet)
E-I-E-I-O (as in Old Mac Donald although she usually doesn't say the O)
Wheeeee! (said in many different contexts... Often when sliding at the park.)
This
What's this
Please
Yeah
Baby

She really communicates well for a 14.5 month old. (And when she can't communicate well, she just screams until she gets what she wants. It is very effective.) Her other words are here and here. (There are more language related things, and you can always click on the T category to read more about her. I need to categorize a few more things (like all of the posts between January and July!).)

Mommy muses about E-I-E-I-O
One thing I think is kind of funny... E-I-E-I-O was one of the first things N sang (tried to sing) at about 15-ish months of age. I remember noting that K was also doing it about the same age as N did, but I can't find a reference to it in my baby notes/journal from her (pre-blog). Now T is doing it at around the same age. When the other girls sing songs, T jumps in and says "E-I-E-I-O." That's her contribution to singing. Everytime. It always CRACKS ME UP.


A T story
T decided that she didn't want to sit in her high chair any more about on Monday 10/30. This is about how old K (30 months) was when she decided the same thing. N sat in her high chair, happily, until I made her get out of it at about 3.5 years old. (And it was about a week after I made N get out of hers that K decided she was done with hers... Coincidence? I think not.)

I ordered the chair for T on 10/30 and about a week later it arrived in a big box. All 3 little girls were totally intrigued by this box. Here are a couple of shots showing the sisters tearing into the box. Literally. It took them all of 3 minutes to get it open. (I was hoping for the distraction to last longer, but alas, they were on a mission!) Pretty funny. Collaboration is what I call it. (heh)



T loves her new chair. She sits in it proudly. We still strap her into the high chair occasionally when we need to run around and chase other little girls. She's just getting so big though. She looks totally at ease in her new chair.

A little more Language
This past weekend (11/18 and 19) she really seemed to be getting more language skills. She started saying and signing, "all done." She looked so proud when she did the sign for the first time. I was proud too.

She also said..."nurse" as she patted my b*r*e*ast. I am pretty sure it was a statement (demand), not a question.

She knows her nose, toes, head, belly, and foot. We're working on ears now.

The other night she walked in and found our cat and said... "Who is this. What is that?" Seriously... as CLEAR as a bell. She then tried to Meow.

She is ALWAYS asking, "Who dat," "What is that?" or "What is this?" now. It is cute. The frequency of this asking definitely increased significantly over the weekend.

Other stuff
On Sunday, T decided she was a Daddy's Girl! It was very cute. It was all about DADDY! ALL! DAY!

T had her 15 month check up and she was about 31 inches long (about 75th length) and 23.5 pounds (about 60th weight). Her head didn't grow. T's regular pediatrician (I heart her!) was not concerned!

My baby is growing up. (I don't think I have a baby any more, technically. I am sad, but also happy.)

Switched

Well, even though I'd gotten rid of the screaming pink, and the arrows, there were problems in IE. I think the old template I had was pretty old and not well-written for modifications. Oh well, I'd had the old template for over 1 year. It was time for a change. Here's what I did last night... (it took several painful hours in the actual HTML).



I switched templates and now the look you see was done in less than 1/2 hour. I'll still be playing here.


So now what do you think?

Playing with the template

Not sure why I started, but I can't stop now.

What do you think?

I was tired of the arrows and the screaming pink.

I still need to fix a few things, but do tell me what you think of the colors.

The sun is shining... The birds are singing!

Last night, I got 7.5 or 8 hours of sleep IN A ROW. No interuptions. It was amazing.

I feel so good.

Yesterday, I was in a very bad place. A dark place. Seriously.

Today is so much better.

Sleep is so important.

I always swore I'd never be a Mom who let herself get sleep deprived. Or at least not after the baby was 6-9 months old. But, I did. I fell into a vicious cycle. Somehow, at 3 am, it seemed easier to go grab the baby and nurse her really quickly than to let the baby cry for a little while. I hadn't had a night of unbroken sleep for sooooo long. It's hard to be rational after a while. It always seemed like I needed to get her.

T (15 months) is not a baby really--well, she is, but, she's old enough to sleep through the night. After a full night of sleep, I feel resolved to get the little girls sleeping in their own spaces all night. Yesterday, I was too tired to believe that was possible. Now, after a full night of sleep, I feel it is.

Here's one thing we are doing to encourage K (2.5) to stay in her bed. It's the Princess Sticker Reward Game. We made it up for her. The rules are simple. If she doesn't wake me up in the night, she gets a princess sticker. We put it on a piece of a paper. When she gets 6 princess stickers, we get to go to the Mue-z-EM. Rinse, repeat.


N (4 and 3/4s) made a stop sign for our door to remind K to stay in her room. It says all of the days of the week on it. (It's hard to read, but she did write them all.)




The Thankful part

I'm thankful for MWH.

I am so thankful for my wonderful friend (DM) who talked to me and calmed me down while I cried in my office. (I can't wait to do a spa day!)

I'm so thankful for all my little girls, even if they don't let me sleep.

I am thankful for Mary Poppins (our nanny).

I am thankful my Mom is getting stronger.

I am thankful that everyone else in the family is relatively healthy.

I am thankful that I get to watch N (4 and 3/4s) learn to read and write. She was helpful today and wrote my grocery list for our Thanksgiving trek to the store.



(It says, Banana, Yo-Baby, Pepper, lime, onion, tortilla, mac-n-cheese, fajitas (what we're eating tomorrow, I didn't "buy" actual fajitas, but we're eating them so N thought they should be on the list), parmesan, mayo, apple, vanilla (ice cream).)

That is so cool! She wrote a whole grocery list. She sounded out banana ALL BY HERSELF! She had a hard time with onion.

One more cute thing, just because, you know, the sun is shining and the birds are singing... (and because I downloaded my camera).

T and K playing with their kitchen.



I have much to be thankful for.

I can't believe how important sleep is. It is so important.

censored

I am not allowing myself to blog and publish some of my thoughts today.

All I'm going to say is that K (30 months) is not a sleeper.

I am very very very very tired.

I have cried at least 6 times today.

I have said things that I sort of regret. Not horrible things, but kind of like, "Oh my, did I just SAY that?"

I NEED some sleep.

I am too stressed to take a nap (been trying for the last hour).

More when I'm in a better place.

Quick update on my Mom

She's getting stronger and the latest assessment of her physical abilities suggests that she may be able to go straight home. No nursing home. While I'm thrilled about this, I'm also worried that Dad won't be able to handle it all by himself. The doctor doubts she'll be out of the hospital by Thanksgiving, but soon after hopefully.

It feels like a milestone....

When K was 15 months and 1 week (now 30 months and one week), T (15 months now) was born. T is ALMOST the age K was when K became a big sister. K has known T for exactly half of her life. Wowza.

I'm really, no REEEEEEALLY, glad that I'm not 9 months pregnant and ready to pop.

I wouldn't want to have to change the blog title.

11/20

How did that happen? What happened to October? I remember Halloween, so October must be over, but it's almost Thanksgiving.

I know I'm not alone in being shocked at how quickly time is passing by. I am sad though.

I am way too busy. Remember, I tried really hard to not be busy during the Holidays. It didn't work out though. We are doing two pre-proposal efforts this year.

The good thing, I'm not stressing about Thanksgiving. This is a recap of our 2005 Thanksgiving. We're not very traditional. We are low-key. I'm hoping Thanksgiving 2006 will be very much like Thanksgiving 2005. Maybe, for kicks and grins, we'll actually DRIVE and go to a different park.

Thanks to MWH

Thanks to MWH I actually got a lot of work done and am feeling a little less stressed. MWH gave me about 2-ish hours while he had 2 of the 3 little girls and I worked really fast and I did more than I expected. I'm ALMOST where I wanted to be in terms of how much work I accomplished. I also got to take 2 cute little girls (K and N) to the park for a while. That probably wouldn't have happened if we'd have had a babysitter today.

One of those days....

I wanted a baby sitter this weekend.

She was supposed to come today.

She is sick.

I appreciate the fact that she's not sharing her germs, but I need some help today.

I want to cry.

I am tired.

MWH is tired.

I have something that I need to have done by 11 am tomorrow, sooner would be better, but see above.

MWH was planning to go to work too.

House update #48

I'm not sure what number we're actually on, but I like the number 48. It's nice and 6 times 8-ish.

In case you couldn't guess, I'm a little tired. I tend to get a little more random as I get more and more tired. I only got up twice last night, but I was awake for about 1.5 hours straight.

I slept from midnight until 3:30, got up for K (30 months), and snuggled with her. N (4 and 3/4s) was coughing a lot and that kept me awake. Just as I was dozing off, T (15 months) woke up and when I was done with her it was almost 5. T woke up again at 6:45, but I ignored her cries. It couldn't have been too urgent because she slept until almost 10 am! K just happened to wake up around 7:50.

Oh, wait... This was supposed to be about the house. They are painting the exterior. It looks very nice. It's a slightly darker color than it was when we bought the house. I think it looks good. They also started assembling our cabinets in the kitchen. Now we have to get the countertops ordered (hopefully this week....). It takes 2 weeks to make them once we order them. I hope there are no more slippages in the house schedule.

I want to be in the house BEFORE Christmas. Even if it means moving in on Christmas Eve. There are 5 weeks and 1 day (I'm counting as if it's Sunday already) until Christmas. We need counters, interior paint, our new floor finished, lots of stuff still to do... I alternate between thinking it will happen and it will get done to not being able to imagine the remodel being done and living there.

Today, K and I went to the mall and I checked out the rugs in Pottery Barn. We'll need to get a rug for the living room and runners for the sides of our bed I think. Those we'll get AFTER we move in and get somewhat settled so we can see what we like and don't like and what we need. We'll need to get some new furniture too, but first, I just want to get in the new house.

MWH is in charge of the remodel, and doing a fabulous job, so I don't know all the details. Someday I will need to get him to do a guest appearance here and write all about the remodel. There's more I want to write about, but I'm just tired.

Yippee!

I called my Mom and Dad's cell phone and my Mom answered the phone!!!!!!

She's still got about 5 more days or so in the hopital, but I am very happy.

The fun never stops...

The good news...my Mom has been released from surgical ICU and is in a regular room. The bad news... they assessed her condition today and decided that unless she can make signifcant gains, that she needs to go to a nursing home for more care when she is released.

This is not making my Mom happy. The idea doesn't make any one happy. I feel so helpless here. My Mom has wanted to to move to an assisted living care apartment type place for a long time now. My Dad doesn't want to move to one. If they were in one already, then she would be able to go home and get more assistance at the place for the time being. Instead, she might have to go into a nursing home all by herself. It is so sad to think about. I hope we can figure out a way to get my parents into a good place and that my Mom doesn't have to go to a nursing home. She is going to be so depressed if she is in a nursing home. I can't believe that we have to deal with this.

I know you never want to think about this stage for your parents... I can't believe I'm having to. I'm in denial.

A few days ago...

A few days ago, N and I were eating a snack after preschool/work. She ate a blueberry muffin. She had blueberry on her face. I desperately wanted to get the blueberry off of her face. We were out so I couldn't easily wash it. I didn't have wiipes in my purse.

I was restraining every Mommy instinct of licking my finger and wiping her face.... You know, the thing that EVERYONE remembers their Mom doing to them and HATING IT?

Instead, I thought about the problem. I showed N what her face looked like in my compact mirror. N doesn't like having stuff on her face. She licked her own finger and wiped her face. Problem solved!

And how was your night?

Here's a recap of my night.

11:15 pm To bed and asleep pretty quickly.

12:30 am Both K (30 months) and T (15 months) are screaming. I try to wake MWH and he sort of snorts. I go tell K it's okay, grab T and crawl into bed with K to nurse T. Apparently K had a bad dream. She was really scared and upset. She calms down quickly with me there. (She's always been a snuggler.) T nurses for about 10 minutes and I put her back in her crib. I get back in bed with K.

03:30 am I wake up and decide to go back to my bed.

06:10 am T wakes up SCREAMING. I go get her. She's soaked. I have to change her diaper and her pjs. She's not happy. MWH wakes up to help. I can't do it on my own because she's screaming so much and thrashing around. I change my pj shirt and nurse her. I tell MWH that T is sleeping with us the rest of the night because I can't change the sheets. I am too tired. T nurses for about 20 minutes and then starts thrashing around. I decide that T can sleep on the mattress with no sheets in her crib (it has a soft mattress cover on it under the waterproof one). I go in and pull off the sheets and she falls asleep. I go back to my room and hear K stirring... I want to cry.

7:00 am K comes in our room. I grab her and tell her we'll go sleep in her bed. She starts to cry. I snuggle her close and she calms down. She lays there for a few minutes and goes back to sleep. I worry that I'm awake for the day. I fall back asleep probably around 7:20.

8:22 am N wakes me up and asks is it time to wake up. I tell her to go look at the clock in the hall and tell me what the first number of the time is. She comes back and tells me, "It says 822, Mommy." I say that it's okay to get up and I drag myself out of bed.

8:50 am N has been doing art and I've had my first cup of tea. I'm feeling just a wee bit dizzy when I stand, as opposed to nauseous now. I get K and N watching a video and go take a shower.

9:05 am I run downstairs after my shower to check the kid situation. I'm thankful that T is still sleeping. MWH is still sleeping. K has stopped watching the video. I ask N where K went and N looks over to the chair K usually sits in for videos and N says, "I don't know." (Way to be a good big sister N!) (N gets VERY sucked in when she watches TV.) I find K in the kitchen coloring in the coloring notebook she likes. This means she climbed up high to get it while I was in the shower. (YIKES!) (Fortunatley she's a good climber and doesn't hurt herself!)

9:15 am I go up and ask MWH if he's ready to get up. He replies, "It'd be nice to sleep a little longer." He's very lucky he didn't get pummeled. I take a deep breath and say, "I'm not even going to say anything and walk away." No one gets hurt. I realize that it's probably good that he gets enough sleep, because he's going to be the brains of the operation tonight.

9:30 am T is still asleep. I'm dressed and ready to go. K is dressed and has eaten some breakfast. Mary Poppins (our wonderful nanny) arrives. I do two more emails and then go to gymnastics with K.

10:45 am I arrive home to a husband who is just getting into the shower. He starts to complain about being tired. I stop him. I tell him about my feelings. I'm a little passionate about my lack of sleep, but I don't say anything I regret. I told him I am the one who gets to be grumpy today. He has no reason to be grumpy. I tell him to read about my night's adventures here soon.

I'm EXHAUSTED. Minus the 6 am diaper change, this is how the last 2 nights have been. The last forever has been at least one or two wakings a night. I NEED SLEEP. If you have any extra, please send it over.

(I'm sure this will get edited a bit at some point, I'm too tired to proof right now.)

Short post about four things

1. K (2.5 years) has been sort of on a food strike the last 2 days. She's eating enough to keep a flea alive. She's never been a great eater, but this is ridiculous! (She is a great nurser although I have been cutting down the length of her sessions in the morning and at night ~3-4 minutes each now.) I can't decide if I 1) not worry and assume she'll eat when she's hungry or 2) try to bribe her with chocolate until she eats. I've been doing 1 so far. She seems energetic. She is very "healthy" and in no danger of starving. She has a little bit of snuffles, but otherwise is fine.

2. If you have a kid who fights you at tooth brushing time, here's a tip I figured out a while ago that I've been meaning to share. Lay them on the bed and then brush their teeth. You can hold their head still much easier this way. It only took me 3 kids to figure this one out.

3. My Mom is supposedly seeming a little more lucid. (Keep the good thoughts coming.) My brothers seem to think I should wait to come home and see her when she's more alert and awake. I feel awful not being there. I don't know what I could actually do there though. I think it would be better for me to go when she is stronger. The practical side of me knows this. (Most of me is very practical.) I feel guilt for not being there. (Guilt, especially around my relationship with my mother, drives me to do a lot of the things.)

4. I'm tired. I've got a lot of little things to do. I feel so scattered and overwhelmed that it's ridiculous. If I usually post comments to your blog and I'm not lately, I apologize. I'm reading everyone, but I just either find that I don't have anything to say, or I start a comment, get distracted and never finish. I am thinking about you! XO!

Maybe this weekend I'll have time for more. I have tons of new posts started, but I am just feeling overwhelmed and tired.

Mom Update

Another thing to worry about....

My brother says she is very agitated. He's at the hospital now talking with them.

One good thing, the doctor said the pathology report was back, and no cancer was found.

Keep good thoughts coming please!

Feeling insignificant

I'm working on a new project. It's in a new area that I really want to think about. I should be really excited about it, but I am not.

Mostly I am not excited because I feel like a second-class citizen on the project. Another colleague and I did a pretty large literature review last spring and we have a huge interest in this area. However, the project leader doesn't ever listen to things I say even though I have done a lot of reading. It's a little lot frustrating.

Partly I am not excited because the project seems like it's going to be difficult to work on. For example, 1) it's already had significant delays due to the need for a contract renegotiation 2) we're working with another large organization 3) the joys that go along with working with another organization and I'm sure we'll have some major coordination issues.


Okay... This is the sound of me sucking it up and trying to be more positive from here on out about this project. I'll keep you posted.

Updates (all over the map)

No real new news since last night about my Mom... She woke up, talked about how sore she was (you would be too if someone had manhandled your organs!), and then wanted to sleep. My brothers have seen her since the surgery, but she's very tired. They think she looks pretty good considering. I haven't gotten my Dad today. I think he's pretty tired and I think he's turned off the cell phone because 1) he's tired of talking to people and 2) he's worried he'll go over the minutes available on his plan.

Last night, I thought N (4 and 3/4s) was coming down with another cold. Today, she seems fine... The fever thing (last week) just lasted 2 days and no other symptoms. So weird.

I did a videoconference today. That means, that I got to see myself "on the screen" and really look at my hair.... I can't decide whether I should keep my hair growing a little longer, or cut it. My hair stylist is doing a pretty good job at keeping my hair low maintenance as it gets longer, and it looks better than I would have expected at this length. I still think I like it shorter, but it might be nice to see it a little longer and then decide (though I'm pretty darn sure I like it about 1/2 inch to an inch shorter than it is). At the length it is, I have to do about 2 minutes of styling at the current length (as opposed to 20 seconds if it were an inch shorter)... I think I can handle 2 minutes. Such complicated decisions.

Work is getting busier... I had wanted it to be slow in November / December. I don't have any idea how I'm going to get holiday stuff done. I'm pretty sure I won't have any fun since I'm this busy.

I have longer posts on K and T coming soon.

Anything else I've forgotten to update about? Oh, yea.... the remodel... I'll post a separate post about that. I am tired though so we'll see when it happens.

I'm a leetle embarrassed....

This morning, as I was driving to work, something I've done for 9 years now, I "got lost." I ended up on the campus of [local large] University. No one was more surprised than me.

I was driving, and I wasn't even talking on my cell phone, I apparently got lost in thought and the automatic pilot that often takes over apparently was still asleep.

In my defense, I got woken up at 5:18 AM and was awake for an hour, and then got 45 more minutes of sleep before I had to get up at 7 am (an hour earlier than I am used to). I also have a lot on my mind (e.g, my Mom, my back, N is getting another cold, the remodel, how I will ever get all the Holiday stuff done, and when I will possibly be able to fly home to see my Mom).

Back stuff

I have an appointment with my primary care physician this week (Thursday if you care) to talk with her about the MRI for my back. I have become increasingly determined that I need this. I am going to go in with a log of how much my back has bothered me and for how long. It's a good thing I have kept a journal (and now a blog).

Overheard this morning in the kitchen...

MWH: Do you want to take one of the wee ones and go get coffee?

Me: No.

MWH: (confused/surprised) Ummm, you don't want to go get coffee?

Me: No, I want to go get coffee.... I just want to go ALONE.

MWH: Ohhhh... I'm stuck with three, eh?


I did get to go alone. 10 minutes of silence and a mocha. Ahhhhh. I feel spoiled.

Surgery update

My Mom had her surgery. They removed her gallbladder and part of her colon. The surgeon thought it looked like a massive infection had caused an obstruction in the colon. He didn't think anything else looked bad in there. They are sending the tissue he cut out in for examination, but hopefully it was just an infection.

I haven't gotten to ask my brothers tons of questions yet. I have heard that the surgeon thought everything was connected back up okay. I want to make sure there was no peritonitis (I think my brothers would have heard about that). Because of my Mom's age, she's in the Surgical ICU right now. We'll know more when she's fully awake in a couple of hours.

The other question I have is when does the risk of pneumonia go down after surgery? Two or three days? When she's more up and around on her feet? They were going to be very concerned about this after surgery and keep a close eye on this. It's highly likely that she will get pneumonia. We'll just hope that they will be aggressive in watching and treating it.

Scary. Not fun.

taking my mind off things...

I was clicking through the blogosphere, looking for distraction, and I found this...

Book Meme

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.

(Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.)

Here goes...

The "closest" book to me (in physical proximity) was (and this shows truly HOW geeky I am) Cultures and Organizations: Software of the Mind.

P. 123 6th-8th sentence

This in itself is a statistically significant result. (Heh DK!)
Schwartz's value study among elementary teachers produced a country-level mastery dimension that correlated significantly with MAS. Mastery combines the values ambitious, capable, choosing own goals, daring, independent, and successful, all on the positive pole.

OH MY. I am truly a geek.

Okay... The closest fiction book is Carpe Demon: Adventures of a Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom. It was a fun book.

P. 123 6th-8th sentence
Be afraid. Because when my master's army rises, you will be among the first to fall. And by the time he's done, you'll wish you'd died a whole lot sooner.

The knee bone is connected to the back bone

Title is based on this song.

This morning I got up, called to get the update on my Mom, and limped around the house with stabbing pains occurring in my knee. I kept asking my husband if he thought I should go in to the doctor for my knee. He said why don't you do a web search and see what you learn.

Well, I found this page and decided that's what was probably wrong with me. I went to the urgent care clinic, and the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. Because he's an urgent care doctor, and because I have an HMO, I have to first see my primary care physician and get her to order me this.

I've had back problems for 8 years now. (I know exactly when and how the injury started. I thought I knew what was wrong with it, but maybe it might be something different.) It's kind of an exciting day to think that soon I may actually get some answers about how bad my back is soon. An MRI can tell more about what is wrong and what kind of treatment might actually help.

(Here's an MRI showing what might be wrong with my back... I hope not, but I do want to know. If it's not that, there still might be more we can do, but we need to know that it's not that (slipped / herniated disk) before we go forward with more treatment.)

***********************

My Mom... No surgery today.

Yesterday, they did a gallbladder test. They got the results today and we learned that it is basically not functioning. The surgeon decided to do surgery (not laproscopic) to remove it and then take a look around at the other organs and figure out for sure what is causing her the pain. She can't stay in the hospital on morphine forever.

Today, they did a CT scan, and didn't see anything that alarming, but that's not why they decided not to do the surgery today. They couldn't do the surgery today because they determined she is in atrial fibrillation. They need to get her "back in rhythm" before they operate. It's not surprising that she's in a-fib since she's been off all of her regular medications since she's been in the hospital.

(I don't know why they take people off of their medicines when they go in the hospital.... I mean I can understand taking her off the coumadin (blood thinner) in case she needs surgery, but I don't understand taking her off of all of her blood pressure and a-fib medicines.)

Anyway, she's been on her amiodarone (medicine for a-fib) all day and the game plan is surgery tomorrow at 10:30 am. I still feel very sad since I am not there, but today, given my back/knee pain I realized that I really couldn't be there. I could barely walk for a while, let alone fly for about 6-7 hours, change plane, carry luggage, and take care of me, and T.

It sucks... I talked to her more tonight about everything. She understands, but she is sad that I'm not there. As I said above, I am sad too.

Uhhhh...

Today would have been a wonderful day except for two things. One is that my left knee is killing me.

I don't know why. I think it's a muscle issue. It was a little sore last night, but this morning I could barely walk on it. I got T (14.5 months) up and tried to walk down the stairs with her. Not so good. I had us both sit and slide down the stairs.

When I tried to get in and out of the car I was in major pain. I think my knee is connected to my back. Seriously. When my back was hurting today, my knee seemed to hurt more.

I went to a new chiropractor on Thursday (and liked what she had to say), and she seemed to make my back feel better (and had a recommendation for a place that could help with a good exercise program for my back). I don't know for sure if the knee pain is related to the adjustment she did, but I'm going to have to talk to her about this.

I had a sore knee, similar to this, last year. It got better fairly quickly (like in a day or so), and I never figured out what caused the pain. Maybe this pain will disappear quickly too?




The other thing that made this day not good, nay very bad, was that I found out that most likely my Mom will have exploratory surgery tomorrow (Sunday).

I am worried, feeling guilty (for not being there) and sad. My Mom is 81. She's always there. She's always on the other end of the phone when I call.

I am the one who chose to leave the state where I grew up, and my family, and I don't regret it, but I am sad that I don't see my parents / brothers / neices / nephews more frequently. I really wish I could have been there hanging out with my Mom tonight.

There's a small chance that they won't need to do the surgery tomorrow, but it's sounding like the doctor is imagining he will. Her white blood cell count is down (good thing) and the rest of her blood work numbers look pretty good (also good), but she is still in a lot of pain. The doctor can't believe how tender her stomach is.

The doctor has said a few scary sounding words today.... like tissue death from anemia and peritonitis.

The game plan for tomorrow is for them to do a CT scan on her, get results from a gallbladder test, and then make a decision about surgery. The doctor wants to do the surgery tomorrow if he feels it should be done because apparently many surgeries are booked for the early part of next week. He doesn't want to wait any longer.

This attitude seems like a significant change since yesterday when we were in a holding pattern (we thought until Monday), but I guess the fact that my Mom's stomach is still so tender accounts for the difference in the treatment course.

My Mom sounded clear headed and fairly resolved tonight when I spoke to her on the phone.

She is worried more about the risk of pneumonia after the surgery than the anesthesia. Before I spoke to her I was more worried about the anesthesia. Now, since she reminded me of the pneumonia possibility, I'm worried about both.

In 2003, she had a big scare after a surgery when she did develop pneumonia. I have to hope she got pneumonia after that surgery because of the surgery itself. The surgery was to fix a the collapsed lung (from a botched out-patient surgery). Perhaps because she lost so much blood from the botched out-patient surgery she was weaker and more susceptible (especially given that they operated on her lungs).

Right now, I feel like an awful daughter/person for not being there. It really seemed like the possibility of surgery was low on Friday. I should know that it's always a possibility, and that things can change very quickly when someone is in the hospital. I shouldn't get lulled into a false sense of security with the "it will be okay" attitude that everyone with my Mom has. I imagine partially they do the "it will be okay thing" to keep a positive attitude for her sake and partially they do it because that is what they want to believe.

Oh, it sucks to be so far away.

apologies

I didn't realize that if you were subscribed to me via a blog aggregator (e.g., bloglines) that you are notified over and over of a post as being "new" when I make a correction.

I push "publish" on my posts and then see LOTS of things I want to change (typos, re-wording things, lots of things). I apologize if this annoying, but this blog is mostly for me and my little girls (when they grow up) so I doubt I will be changing my behavior. (That's not to say that I don't highly value you friends I've made in the blogosphere, but given the main purpose of this blog, I want to make sure things make sense in the distant future. Poorly written posts (because they are often written very quickly) will probably not make sense in the future, so I will re-word and clarify. If I see a typo, it just bugs me* so I fix it.)

In addition, as I go through and categorize all the posts that were not categorized because old Blogger didn't have that capability, I will be "re-publishing" them. (There is a way to add categories without editing a post again, but I kind of like editing and looking for things that need to be fixed.) Sorry about that, but blame Blogger for that annoyance.


*And non-balanced parens drive the ex-programmer in me CRAZY. (I don't always see them...) (I do love the nested paren too.)

Heaters

We recently started using our furnace because I was tired of waking up to a 55 degree house. Although she can make a lot of noise (banshee-like screams), K (30 months) is rather sensitive to noises. (She's scared of the vacuum, blender, and other things like that.) She's been calling the furnace, "the noisy thing." Tonight she heard it go on and said, "The noisy thing is on again." I told her it's a heater. She then said, "The heater is on again." (Heh!)

When N was about K's age, she used to call the "heater" a "haeter" (Kind of like heater with a very southern accent.)

Radio Silence

I haven't spoken to any one about my Mom today. Errrr, I spoke to one of my brothers, but it doesn't really count because he hadn't gotten an update. I tried to call my Dad's cell, but I know that it doesn't get very good reception in the hospital room, and also that my Dad doesn't hear it ring.

I'm guessing we're still in the holding pattern. I'm guessing that if something had changed significantly either way I would have heard. I think a holding pattern is a fine thing.

*****************

In other news... I am home by myself with 3 little girls today. Mary Poppins (our nanny) is taking her daughter, her grandson and her son-in-law back to the airport. Mary Poppins is going to be very sad for a while. I have to hope that she doesn't decide she wants to go home again. She may think about it, and who knows, she may decide to go home, but I don't think she will, but it is her decision.

There are some cute little girl stories that I have for you, and we'll see how far I can get given that T (14.5 months) is napping, and K (30 months) and N (4 and 3/4s) are playing fairly well together right now. (We'll see how long that lasts.)

Ummmmm... Thinking......


Oh, yea... I don't think I told you what N said on Halloween when we went trick-or-treating...

(Break for K and N fighting. N is in a time out and K is snuggling with me.)

N said, "This is the BEST Halloween I've ever been to!"


(Break for N getting out of time out.)


Usually N goes to preschool, but today is a holiday (Veteran's Day). All 3 ALL DAY is a lot. Next year, N will be in kindergarten, K will be in preschool and T will be the one who stays home... I may need to get T into a 2 day a week preschool program because I think she's going to be really really bored when her sisters are gone. She's so used to being with them. Or maybe I'll just do a Mommy-Me class or two with her.

It's always interesting to imagine what "next year" will look like. I don't do it in a "wishing-time-away" way, but rather in a K-is-only-15-months-older-than-T and-what-K-is-doing-now-is-what-T-will-be-doing-next-year-OH-MY! way.

I can't decide whether I want to get T into a preschool program when she is just 2. N didn't go until she was almost 3 and 3/4s. I definitely want K to go next fall when she is almost 3.5. Two years seems too little to me because we haven't done preschool that early, but I do imagine T would love it. It's hard for me to imagine sending T to preschool so young, but only because we haven't done preschool so early.

I think I'll just think about that another day.

Off I go to play some with little girls, and maybe have a snack. (This rather lame post took about 1.5 hours to write.... Little girls are cute.)

Mysterious

I actually got to talk to my Mom for a little while today. I feel better having heard her voice. I also got a better update than I have from hearing second or third-hand ones from my brothers and my Dad.

So here's what I now know (straight from the horse's mouth)

-first they thought she had a mass in/on/near her colon
-then maybe it was her kidneys because her creatinine was high (but now her creatinine is down again so they don't think kidneys)
-they are still treating her with massive/strong antibiotics in hopes that it's an infection (white bllood cells high) and the antibiotics are helping lower the count

Given the response of the white blood cells, the theory of the moment is some type of infection (but why they don't know... or even where exactly!) ....

They did an x-ray this morning and compared it to yesterdays and it looks "better" ... or at least not worse. She was a little fuzzy on what they said about the x-ray so I'm not sure what they think about the two different ones. The doctors just aren't sure where the problem is or what it is exactly the problem is, because the x-ray images just aren't good enought. She can't have MRI (because she has a pacemaker) so they can't get a good image. I didn't get to ask my Mom if she had a CT scan because she has a tube down her throat and she can't talk for very long.


I wish I could talk to the doctor and get my questions answered. I wish I could be there and know what is happening so that my Mom doesn't have to tire herself out explaining it to me. I'm not an MD, but I've thought a lot about medical issues and do a lot of reading so I do hear things differently than my brothers or my parents and I have follow-up questions that they don't ask. It's frustrating not knowing the answers, though even if I knew the answers to my questions, it wouldn't tell me for sure what is wrong with her, so maybe it doesn't ultimately matter. (It would make me feel better to know the answers to my questions though. I feel VERY out of control here.)

It's really risky to do exploratory surgery on her given her heart issues and other health conditions.

It really sucks to get older. The alternative is worse.

She doesn't think I should come home yet. I do want to plan a trip home soon. Traveling with little ones is hard. I don't know what to do.

Holding pattern

The hospital took another stomach x-ray, but the doctor hasn't read it yet. My Mom is feeling a bit better, and isn't taking morphine too often for the pain any more (my Dad thinks). Her white blood cell count is going down so this suggests (to the doctor) that the treatment is helping. The doctor will know more when he gets the results from the x-rays.

A holding pattern of watchful waiting to hopefully let the antibiotic work and do its thing is much better than surgery.

I spoke to my Dad this morning and he cried. It's tough on him to watch the woman he loves, and has loved for more than 60 years, suffer. I'm sure he's playing out "what-if" scenarios in his mind, and that's not helping. He's trying to stay positive.

Thank you so much for reading and sending good thoughts her way. It made me feel very nice last night to know that you all thought about my Mom. If you have another moment, also think "strong thoughts" for my Dad. Thank you.

More waiting...

My Mom is in the hospital and they are trying to determine if she has an infection, or something else going on. She is in less pain because she is on good drugs now. She had a CT scan last night and it showed a "mass" on her colon. They started her on antibiotics to see if the mass will shrink. If it does shrink, then it's probably an infection.

It would be good if it shrinks.

If it doesn't shrink, they will do exploratory surgery. That would be bad.

It could be an obstruction, or a "growth".... (Growth could be many things.) Apparently one doctor on the case is thinking infection and one is thinking growth. They have taken her off of her blood thinner and are making preparations in case they have to do surgery. They can't do an MRI (which I think might provide them with more info) because of her pacemaker... (That's my understanding of it all.)

It sucks to be so far away and not get to talk with the doctors and to hear it all from my brothers or my Father.

It sucks to not be there for her. If I go there soon, it will be hard because at the very least I'll have to take T (14 months) with me. I'll be by myself (no nanny aka Mary Poppins) and in a non-child proofed house. I wouldn't be able to stay for very long without K and N though. It's hard when you're torn between generations....

I think one good thing is that she was in so much pain last night that she couldn't really process all of the information about what might be wrong. Now she's on a lot of drugs, so again, she's not worrying. I'm thankful that she is not worrying. She is a worrier. If she starts to think too much, she'll think about her sister who recently died of cancer of the colon (metastasized from undiagnosed breast cancer).

Yea, I'm trying not to think about it either. I don't have drugs distracting me though. I do have 3 very cute little girls. Last night they were being so adorable that I almost couldn't stand it. They are the good thing... I feel like I see the full-circle of life all the time in 3 generations. I know many people experience this (and have experienced it). I can't decide if I find that fact comforting or not.

Waiting...

One of my brothers called me tonight to tell me that my Mom was in the ER. She was having severe stomach pains. They didn't know anything yet. They were waiting for some tests to come back and / or to get a CT scan scheduled. My brother wasn't sure what all they wanted to do. They'd been there for about 3 hours when I spoke to them.

I don't even know the whole story...All I know is that my Mom had been having the pain for quite a while today and she finally got Dad to take her to the hospital this evening.

My Dad doesn't like taking my Mom to the hospital, not because he doesn't want to help, but because she's had some scary experiences in hospitals. Fortunately, she's still here to talk about them. Once, she went in for a routine little outpatient surgery that landed her in the hospital for about a month. That was a scary scary time.

I probably won't hear any more news tonight. It's late where she is and I'm sure my Dad is exhausted. I'm hoping that it's something easily fixable (not requiring surgery) and not requiring too long (if any) hospital stay. She had a medical treatment today, and maybe this is just a reaction to it? It's a treatment she has every month for her osteoporosis, but maybe it caused a reaction this time? Would that be best case scenario? Who knows.... She's 81... It's all so scary. I hate being so far away when stuff like this happens. I feel helpless and want to do SOMETHING.

covering her bases...

I came home from work to hang with sick N (4 and 3/4s). Coming home early helped relieve a little Mommy-Guilt. The little ones (K and T) headed out with the nanny for some adventures when I got home.

(Did I ever tell you about how we don't let the little ones see me when we're doing odd schedule things and I'm not staying with them? They just don't understand short encounters. If I can't spend 1 hour or more with them, it's best that they don't see me. Today, I'm sneaking into my house while they are walking out. It's kind of funny, and I'm sure the neighbors wonder, but it's worth it because does help curtail the screaming.)

N's fever was down, thanks to the miracle of modern medicine in the form of Motrin. I gave her another dose as we hit the "six-hour" from the previous dose mark. I needed to run a quick errand and I took her with me. She was getting a little bored at home, and while I don't condone staying-home-from-school-and-then-going-out, I do think that running an errand that Mom needs to run (aka it's boring!) is acceptable. We picked up some tile samples and headed home.

She's got about 99.2 (as of 6 pm), but she is still fully dosed on Motrin so I expect it would be higher (~101-102) without the medicine. Luckily, this seems to just be a fever so far. No other symptoms.

N's had her fair share of mystery fevers. We'll see what happens next. Oh, the thrills... the chills... Or something like that.

Oh... N covered her bases because when I got home and saw how well she was feeling, she asked, "Is preschool over?" I said, "Yes." She said, "I am fine now, but tomorrow my cold might come back and I might not be able to go to school."

I delved deeper and she says the only thing she doesn't like about school is sitting on the floor in "criss-cross" position. I said we'd talk with her teacher (Miss A) to see if we couldn't figure out an alternative if that's all that was bothering her.

90 and 101.9

It feels like 90 degrees in our new house. They have the new furnace cranked to help the mud on the walls dry more quickly. The high heat is also good for the wood floor to help it acclimatize too.

Last night, N (4 and 3/4s) had 101.9 for a temperature. She was really whiny when I picked her up from preschool. She came home and fell asleep on the couch. I woke her one-half hour later figuring I didn't want her to nap too long and then not go to sleep for night time. I figured she was tired because she and her sisters woke up really early yesterday (Monday) morning.

The whining increased after the nap. I was annoyed. I finally touched her and noticed she was burning up. The ear thermometer confirmed 101.9. All of a sudden, all of the whining made sense. Motrin brought the fever down and she went to bed and slept all night. She woke up with a fever of 101 though. She's home and I'm heading back (from a meeting) to be with her soon.

Work, when your kid is sick, really really really sucks.

Things I need to make time for

-Doing my exercise DVD (the one that is good for my back)

-Doing push-ups (yea, I know I'm weird. I am trying to make sure I do at least 3 sets of 5 a day because I'm trying to get stronger!)

-Getting in one at least one more workout a week

-Playing at the park with the girls more often

-Writing a course proposal for something I really want to teach

-Getting my eyelashes dyed (I can't wear mascara and I don't wear much make-up, but I really like doing this)

-Making more web pages of the girls (in addition to my blog I have a web site for them)

-Getting organized (Ha-Ha... Hee... Oooh, that's a good one! That will happen when H*LL freezes over I'm pretty sure.)

-Reading the books I need to for work and the ones I want to read for me

-Going to the chiropractor (I'm trying out a new chiropractor who is close to my work (2 minutes away) and covered by my insurance. She says she will try something different than my old chiropractor was doing and hopefully it will help. I'll write more about this later, ESPECIALLY if it works.)

-Cleaning the kitchen floor (I like having a clean floor... I just don't really like cleaning it!)


(A funny thing... I started writing this on 10/8 and just had time to finish it on 11/6... is that pathetic or what???)

What is it that you never have time for that you want to make time for?

Too early

I want the girls to go to bed at 9 pm. Before the "fall back" time change they were going to bed around 9:30 or 10 pm. At one point, because we were never actually getting them into bed by even 9:30, I thought about changing their bedtime to 10 pm. The day I thought about that, they didn't actually get to bed until 10:15 or 10:30.

We are all night owls here. Miss K just doesn't need a lot of sleep. Last night we put them to bed "early." Lights were out and everyone was in their bed (but not asleep) at 9 pm. I was happy.

This morning, they woke up before 8 am. We weren't happy. MWH thinks 9:30 is a fine time. We're hoping that they'll sleep until 8:30 or 9. As long as we actually do lights out and we're done at 9:30 pm, I'm fine with that time. It's when the bedtime ritual becomes a never ending bedtime ritual and we're still dealing with them at 10 or 10:30 that it drives me crazy.

We'll see how it goes. I am craving a routine. The first year of a baby's life, there is no routine. Or at least there wasn't in any of my kiddo's lives. I'm fine with chaos... but only for a year. Now I'm ready for things to turn into a routine... Maybe not a 100% unyielding routine, but at least 90% of the time--heck even 80% would be nice. Wish us luck!

Readin'

I've got 3 books I need to read for work and one for the class I'm going to teach. Yikes. I'm going to have to set aside an hour or so a day and see how much I can get done in that time.

N (4 and 3/4s) is starting to read too. It's very very very very exciting. Look for an upcoming post all about that as soon as I get some time... (Should be around 2008. Heh.)

Not really blog-worthy...

We had a low-key weekend. We hung with the girls, and also had a babysitter for a few hours each day so that we could run some errands and get some supplies for the house remodel. (IT TAKES SO MUCH TIME!)

We've almost decided on our paint colors, but I worry that one will be too dark. I can't decide. It will probably be okay... but what if it's not????? What if I hate the colors we pick? I don't want to hate them... I want to love them.

We're thinking of doing a dark accent wall in the dining room--a burgundy. I want to get a natural stone for the fireplace with a color that is similar to tie in the accent wall (you can see the fireplace in the living room from the dining room). I haven't found the right stone yet. I need to go looking again this week. We have a tile for the entry way picked that should be good that will go with the dining room (you can see the dining room from the entry).

We are waffling on the color for the kitchen...

We still have to decide on the color for our bedroom and bath and guest bath...

You can see why this entry isn't really blog worthy and why I don't really have anything else for you... All I can think about is paint. (Actually, I am also thinking about the data I was just analyzing for work... Bet you would have loved for me to write about that here, huh?)


In about a week we have to settle on the kitchen countertops.... I can't even decide on paint and paint is a LOT cheaper than countertops. Help! I need a professional!

Yea... Going to go watch a Buffy now.

Anecdotes

K (30 months) is really getting into talking on the phone to people. It's funny because she will gesture while she is on the phone and expect that the other person can see her. K was talking to my Mom on Halloween and telling her how "spooky" it was outside when we were trick or treating. Whenever K said "spooky" she did this cute little gesture with her hands (she'd put them up by her face and wiggle her fingers). If only my Mom had a video phone!

N (4 and 3/4s) has started "chuckling" with us when her sisters do "little kid" things. N is so sophisticated now and she gets "tickled" at the over-generalizations or silly mistakes they make. I get "tickled" at N when she is laughing at them. Oh they grow up so fast!

T is a really happy baby almost all of the time and she's a little ham! Remember, her first word was tickle. Her new favorite word is "whee!" She's just fun-loving. She says wheeeeee when she slides down the stairs, off the bed and when she runs.

Can't blog everything.

I bet it seems like I blog EVERYTHING that happens to me sometimes... I did 5 posts yesterday... Geez! Why do I blog so much? Because, if I don't, I forget. I blog the stuff about the little girls that I don't want to forget, but actually, believe it or not, I don't blog everything.

This morning, and last night, MWH and I were cracking each other up. I can't blog about all the things that were making us laugh, because some weren't fit for public consumption, but we were rolling. I won't remember all the details, but I will remember that we laughed and laughed. I would have remembered that without this blog entry. He and I laugh a lot, but I think we were especially silly the last 24 hours. I don't know why. I asked him if he thought other people would find us funny. This made us laugh harder... Probably not. We're okay with that.

On the negative side of things, I can't blog about the things that were annoying me the other day either. I called one of my friends and told her about this person and more about the upcoming work trip... She couldn't believe some of the things out of my mouth. I was annoyed at this person. I try not to blog things I might regret. I would probably regret if I blogged about him. I can't blog the whole story about this upcoming work trip in December either. It's been a long time coming and it will be interesting.

And now back to our regularly scheduled Mommy-blog.

Coming soon to a blog near you...

More stress... Heh.

Several things are brewing at work right now. Coming up are 2 proposals and one annual report, plus the tying up of a few loose ends. I was really trying to keep things low-key and I said NO to a lot of projects and THANK GOODNESS I DID, because despite my best efforts, it's going to be really busy in November and December now.

(Sidebar) I haven't been a proposal writer since 2001 (when I got put on a proposal with a team of 3 people when about 8 people were out on vacation and the proposal was an impossible task and it was 2 weeks of writing hell and it ended on 9/10/01 and the next day was 9/11 and it just wasn't a fun time--and we didn't get funded). Since then, I've written parts of proposals, but not whole ones. (End Sidebar)

The good thing is that the two proposals are for my favorite project. The bad thing is that I didn't want to be really busy in the holiday season. This has happened to me the last 2 years. I was working really hard to keep this from happening again, but you just can't plan where I work. It can turn insane on a dime.

It should be interesting to see how the next 6 weeks go. Right now, I'm feeling optimistic that it won't be too insane. I have this fantasy that I'll be able to approach these 3 projects with a plan and keep them under control. Most likely, I'm only telling myself this so that I don't go running screaming away. Hmmmm... maybe running screaming away isn't such a bad idea.

Shopping Trip

I went to the store with the big red bull's eye for their logo today. I had a lot of little stuff to get and it is so convenient to go there, and everybody likes them. Heck, I like shopping there, but I always feel bad going and spending money there. I don't like who they support politically. Since election day is coming, I guess I feel like bringing this up. (I can feel a little better since I bought a Mocha at S*t*arbucks to drink while I browsed.)

Besides their politics, one thing that is troubling to me is the $1 spot they have. It's right as you walk in. I always walk through it. I often find myself thinking, "Yea, I really need a really cheap half-broken Frankenstein picture frame because it's just a dollar."

Um, no, I don't. It's all because of the allure of the $1 spot area that I thought that. My paranoid conspiracy theory is that they emit "it's just a dollar" rays that make you want to buy things from that area.

The other thing that currently troubles me about the store with the red bull's eye logo is the fact that I wear a size 4 there. I am not a 4. I am happy to be an 8 again.

I should work towards shopping more at Costco. I like Costco, but it's just not convenient for me to go there. The last few years have been survival years and I haven't had time to do much more than I've been doing. Maybe I'll can make it a New Year's resolution for next year. Go to Costco more. Heh. Nice resolution, eh?

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One funny N (4 and 3/4s) story. While we were shopping there today, I saw a Halloween t-shirt (on sale, cheap) that said, "My sister is a witch" on it. I read it to N. She howled with laughter. She literally repeated that phrase to herself about 20 times as we went through the store and each time she nearly fell down laughing. I guess she identified with the sentiment.

When we got K (30 months) and T (14 months) from the nanny, N told K about the shirt. K replied, without missing a beat, "T is a witch."

Ahh, sisterly love.

Logic

Today, K (30 months) and I were walking home from her gymnastics class. It started to rain. She said, "It's raining on my hair. ... Good thing I have a head."

You just can't fault that logic.

House update

We have walls! All the sheetrock is up and the taping/mudding of the sheetrock has begun. They have almost finished building the shower for our (master) bathroom.

Addendum to the Halloween entry

It wouldn't be fair, if I didn't record for posterity, that MWH (my wonderful husband) was the one who carved our pumpkin, and cleaned and roasted the pumpkin seeds.

Tonight he went and steamed wallpaper off of walls in the new house for 2.5 hours.

A man of many talents. I'm keeping him.

I didn't take her to the doctor today.

K (30 months) had a horrible cough this summer. It lasted in really bad form for 3 weeks. It was almost gone, but not quite, but really really really close and then we got another cold at the beginning of October. She's still coughing, but not very much.

All told she's been coughing for almost 3 months, but I KNOW that there were two separate illnesses that caused the coughing and we're almost (finally) over the second one. I know she was almost over it before she got sick the second time.

Yesterday, Mary Poppins (our wonderful nanny) said, "Boy she's been coughing a long time."

That simple statement made me feel like a horrible mother. I called the doctor to discuss the cough and the doctor thought she should probably see K. I was sort of feeling uncertain about what I felt so I made an appointment for this morning, but by this morning, I decided that K's cough did not warrant a visit to the doctor.

In the time I was around K today while she was awake (from 8-10:15 am and from 6:30 - 10 pm) she coughed exactly 5 times. The 2 coughs this morning were pretty wimpy coughs. The 3 coughs tonight were a little stronger, but still not that bad.

K has a slight runny nose still, but has no other symptoms. (I was still getting over the cold last week.) The amount of coughing she is doing each day is lessening in severity of the cough, duration of the cough, and number of times she coughs. I count these things. I'm a researcher. (In my head, I develop scales to assess these things.) She has no fever. She is running around like crazy. Sometimes the cough sounds kind of bad, but I am pretty sure it is slowly (very slowly) getting better.

Should I have taken her to the doctor?

When I told MWH she had an appointment for the doctor, he was surprised. I was waffling about the appointment and encouraged me to cancel it. As I listened for coughs this morning, I only heard the two slight ones from her, but then I coughed. My cough was worse than hers, and there was no way I'd take myself to the doctor for it. I feel fine, but I coughed. People sometimes cough.

I sure hope the cough goes away completely soon. I sure hope we don't get another cold until after it does. Last year, the girls had 3 or 4 colds between January and May I think... I think they've had 3 more between June and October... I wonder how many more we'll have before the end of the year.

3 little girls

N (4 and 3/4s) has moved from being a puppy to a horse. I must say that though the horse is annoying, it is less annoying than the puppy.

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K (30 months) has added "big sister" to her identity. She proudly tells us this ALL THE TIME now. Further solidifying this role in her head is the visit from our nanny's daughter with her child (Mary Poppin's Grandson). K loves little baby A. She hugs him and kisses him and helps give him a bottle.


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T (14 months) is quite the little bully. It started when she pushed a friend of ours who is K's age. Then she started beating up on her big sister K. She literally walks up and smacks K or tries to push her down. K doesn't retaliate because she knows she's not suppposed to. T has now started taking on N. N diffuses T really well by playing with her. I know that T is doing this to get attention from her sisters, and we are working on showing her how to ask for attention in positive ways. In the meantime, until she clues in, we are calling her trouble-maker T!

K's new bed

K (29 months) just got her NEW BED on Monday! Yippee. I successfully ordered it over the phone last Thursday, and they successfully delivered it Monday. It's a nice full-size bed. It will go with the doll house bed. (There is a link to a picture of the doll house bed in that post.)

I don't know why I didn't order the bed part sooner. I had it in my mind that we couldn't get the doll house bed until we moved, but we could (and should have) gotten the full-size bed sooner. (DUH! I was being silly by not realizing that the full-size bed could come separately!)

Anyway, since Monday, both N and K have been sleeping together in the full-size bed and N's twin bed is going unused. I'm glad they can sleep together. It's very cute!

Gulp...

For years, my supervisor has been trying to get an appointment with an important funding agency. I've always said that if we get the appointment, I'm going to go with him. I want them to fund our project (my favorite project) and no one knows our project like I do. My supervisor knows the competitors and the larger context around our project much better than I do, but I know our project.

Late last night I got an email from my supervisor telling me to pack my bags because we got the appointment.... 12/18/06. It's far away from where we live and I hate traveling, but, I'm going. In the next 6 weeks we'll be working really hard putting together the best presentation we've ever given. Stakes are high. We need to make this happen. It is exciting, but scary.