So many things to write about.......

So little time. I'm feeling overwhelmed with life.

Here's a list of things that happened in my day today.

Good Things

1) I got to go to my aerobics class.
2) I got to play with my girls at the park for an hour.

Bad Things

1) Nanny issues.
2) N was very tired tonight and ended up doing a new howling trick. This new howling trick is very bad. She opens her mouth and just lets loose. It is so loud. I worry that this noise may release some creatures from hell.
3) I feel mucho guilt because of the howling and wonder if I should quit my job and stay home with the girls.
4) My back really really really really hurts. I'll be writing more about this at length.
5) I'm tired.
6) I'm stressed.
7) I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Every so often we have a really overwhelming day and I just want to cry. Today was that day.

The pause

I don't usually blog about my husband because, well he's perfect for me. I have zero complaints. I am very happy. If I got any happier I would burst. Seriously. My blog would be very boring and would probably make most people gag from the sickenly sweet things I would write if I wrote about him. However, I am going to write this post about him... I don't think it will make you gag.

A few days ago I asked my husband, "Do you think I can get back to the same shape I was in before I first got pregnant?"

He paused.

He was trying to think of the right answer.

(My girlfriends know the correct answer.)

He replied, "If any one can do it, you can."

Not the right answer.
I don't say anything.

He tries to explain...
"You have lots of energy."

That's not helping honey. He thinks he is complimenting me. He thinks telling me how energetic I am is a good thing. However, to me, his answer means that I have a long way to go. I tell him this. Yup, men are from Mars. Fortunately he's very cute and doesn't complain when I buy multiple pairs of black shoes in one shopping trip. He also has many other very wonderful qualities. I'll keep him and even forgive him. He was trying. (Did I mention he is very cute?)

As God as my witness, I will get back into the same shape I was in before kids. (Shaking my fist at the skies and said in my best Scarlett O'Hara voice.)


(In case you read this my dear husband, the correct answer is.... "You did it after you had N. You can do it again." If you say it with no pause after I ask, you get double the points.)

The Preschooler Who Loved Vegetables

N (3.75) loves vegetables. She eats peas with almost every lunch and dinner. She eats frozen peas, still frozen. I haven't cooked peas for her in years. If we ever run out of peas she asks, "Why did you run out of peas Mommy?" She asks this with such feeling, as if running out of them was a planned conspiracy against her. If she doesn't have peas (or some vegetable) with her lunch or dinner she'll say, "I need something green." How many preschoolers do this????

She loved broccoli from an early age. I give that one to her cooked. Broccoli seems like it would be weird to eat frozen. She also loves raw zucchini, raw red pepper, frozen corn and frozen carrots (both still frozen). She likes frozen green beans (still frozen). The other night she was trying to convince K (18 months) to try raw zucchini pieces. She was telling K, "Look, they look like wheels." K didn't want to have anything to do with the zucchini. Then N saw the pieces where I had peeled some strips of skin off them and said, "These look like octagons." She proceeded to tell K about octagons and how they have 8 sides, and it was very cute. K still didn't want to eat them.

I love my little N girl!

A quick Thanksgiving recap and a little rambling about other things

Yesterday was turkey day. Of holidays, it and the fourth of July rival as my favorite. I don't like the pressure of Christmas. Too much to be done and then much guilt that I'm not doing it all. Oh the angst. Then I end up feeling Bah-humbug. I do think that I will feel less Bah-humbuggy this year though because it is so much fun to buy toys! Christmas really is a holiday for kids. I think it's silly to give gifts to other adults... (there is the humbug in me).

Anyway, back to Thanksgiving. We don't travel for Thanksgiving. Neither my husband nor I like to travel much anyway, and then add in the crowds and the craziness and you can guess why we don't do it. My family is about 2000 miles away and my husband's is a good hour and 1/2 flight away. The last time we went to visit his family in the winter (2003) we ended up with a flu that we thought might do us in. Literally. In the few times when we were awake and conscious during the 10 days we were sick, he and I were googling things like "Flu and Chances of Death" and Google would tell us that "The "AND" operator is unnecessary -- we include all search terms by default."

Back to yesterday. We hung out. I took K with me to the store and then to get coffee. Then all five of us took a walk. N & K (3.75 and 18 months respectively) were in the double stroller and little T was in the Bjorn. We walked from the rental house where we are living to the house we just bought. We then walked to the park. All are very close to each other. After living on a mountain where you couldn't walk anywhere this is a nice change.

After our mellow outing, we came back and got the girls a quick lunch and T and K each took long naps. About 3 hours for K and 4 for T. The long naps were great! I was able to get dinner ready to go. Dinner was our traditional Thanksgiving Day Dinner of Fajitas. It's not a typical traditional Thanksgiving Dinner, but we've been eating them for about 5 years now. Lots of good stuff goes with Fajitas (guacamole, chips, salsa, rice, etc.) so it's fun. We traditionally do them sans meat, but you can easily stir fry some turkey if you want to be a little more traditional on Turkey day. Since neither my husband nor I are traditional we think fajitas will be a fun tradition for the future on Thanksgiving for our family.

After dinner we baked cookies and had some friends come over to help us eat them. I made a 5x batch of our favorite Holiday cookie (Pecan Puffs). I learned a lesson... 5x is almost too much to fit in my mixmaster, so next year I won't make more than 3x. I also learned that takes a long time to roll out that many cookies! Our friends who came to help us eat the cookies brought over dessert too so we stuffed ourselves and ended up on a sugar high. We still have cookies and cupcakes coming out of our ears. (Not good for the diet, but not too bad because I actually prefer ice cream to cookies and cupcakes.)

It was a good day. Mellow, low key, and nice. In addition, we have much to be thankful for. We try not to take any of it for granted.

In the spirit of this upcoming Holiday Season, I'm typing out my recipe for Pecan Puffs. Enjoy!

1 cup pecans (measure before grinding and then grind really fine--a food processor works well)
1 cup flour
1/2 cup softened butter
2 Tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla

Mix sugar, butter and vanilla. Add ground pecans and flour. Roll in small balls and put on non greased cookie sheet. Bake at 300 F for ~45 minutes. Roll while hot in powered sugar. Eat mass quantities. YUM!

3 months!

Where did the last three months go? Little T is getting so big and can hold her head up now very very well. She smiles, she has likes and dislikes. She does not like to be held facing inward but wants to face out and see what's going on. She's my first baby to like to face out this young. Or maybe N (my oldest did). It's hard to remember exactly. (I have a journal of everything about N (or everything I wrote down), but I would have to go back and look up what N's preferences were.) T's just gotten good at sucking her thumb. We think that she may not be as much as a thumb sucker as the other two girls as though she can do it now, she doesn't always.

It's funny with N, I wanted to see her grow up and get to the next stage. I encouraged her to learn to do new things. I encouraged her to be a big girl. Not this time. I'm trying to savor all the baby-ness that Miss T has. She sleeps next to me and snuggles all night long. She curls up against my stomach--now on the outside, but it seems familiar to me, like she used to when she was on the inside. I like to think it seems familiar to her too. I think she's only slept in her cradle 2 or 3 times for a few hours. I just love cuddling with her. I love her little grunts when she's sleeping and not quite comfortable. I love how she sleeps with her legs in a frog position. I love how she continues to suck when whatever she was sucking on (finger, thumb, nipple) falls out of her mouth. I love how she does the startle still. She's already so big--not a newborn any more, but she is my baby!

Miss T is snuggled next to me right now as I type this. (Having a laptop and laying on the bed with your baby is a wonderful thing--especially when you have a mellow baby content to look up at your face and smile.) Oh she is my sweet sweet baby.

The new improved diet

In the past few days, the if BBQ chips then no ice cream TM diet has been replaced by the getting dental work done and it's too much of a pain in the a** to eat diet. This has resulted in me losing at least a pound last week and maybe a little more. However, since I'm starving and since (hopefully) my dental work will be finished today, I think I will be eating the equivalent of BBQ chips and ice cream today.

Edited to add: It will be one more week till all the dental work is done. Fortunately, the dentist was able to fix something today and eating is less of a pain than it was yesterday. It's still not a lot of fun, but not horrible either. I will be happy when all is back to normal in my mouth!

This post brought to you by the Letter G.

For the past couple of weeks, Miss K (almost 18 months), has been getting very interested in letters. She loves to watch Baby Shakespeare cause they sing the alphabet song in it (twice). At night before she goes to bed she loves to "draw" letters on the Magnadoodle. She'll make a scribble and then say something like "G" or "D." "O" is another favorite letter to say. As is "I" and "A." "G" is the one said most frequently and it definitely seems to be her favorite letter.

It's funny, in my journal about N, I didn't write down anything about letters till she was 22 months and then I wrote down how she said the alphabet, "Abcdefggggggjklmoooooooopstxz." Obviously she was interested in letters before she started saying the alphabet. I, apparently, failed to record when it started though. (I do know that when she was about 20 months old she knew what letters were because I remember a day when my Mom was in the hospital and we were watching the nurse write on a whiteboard and N started saying letters.) I remember that N also used to like watching them sing the ABC's on Baby Shakespeare. I'm pretty certain that N learned to sing the alphabet from watching that and from listening to Ernie and Bert sing the alphabet song on one of her Sesame Street CD's.

Anyway, from the way I wrote down how N said the alphabet, it appears that she liked "G" a lot too. Is your favorite letter early in life an inherited thing? I know there is something about the way you form the letters in your mouth that makes certain ones easier to say, but I can't find a reference to it right now. I spent an afternoon doing some web searches on language acquisition and alphabet learning but can't find a good reason for why my girls like(d) "G". I finally realized that when you say/sing the alphabet you kind of pause after "G". Perhaps they like(d) "G" because it is salient because of the pause? Maybe they like(d) "O" because it is kind of fun to say and it also seems to "stick out" when you say the alphabet.

I'm so glad to see K interested in the alphabet. She seems excited to see letters on pieces of paper and around on signs and things. Her dad and I spend a lot of time at keyboards in front of computers and she sees letters on the keyboards and the screens, so she knows letters are very important to us. She sees her dad reading the newspaper every morning at breakfast--again, seeing the importance of letters. N had mastered saying the alphabet correctly by 2 years of age. I, of course, was pleased and proud. She mastered recognizing upper and lower case letters shortly there after.

Right about the time N was turning 2, and was becoming an alphabet singing champion, I was doing some interviews with teachers for a project. One of the teachers at one of the underachieving schools told me about how many of her first graders didn't know the alphabet. I was shocked. Since I had a 2 year old who knew the alphabet, it seemed impossible to me. I know that kids learn about things that are important to their parents, and what is available to them in their environment, but it seems impossible that the alphabet wouldn't be somewhere in their homes or on TV. It seems impossible, but it's not.

It is so sad to me that there are children who don't know the alphabet by first grade. It seems like at that point they are so far behind in so many fronts. When I think of how many hours N has already had with letters and words and thinking about the concepts that go along with letters, reading, and words, it seems like a first grader who doesn't know their alphabet could ever catch up.

So what's the point to all this... I'm not sure. I guess I just hope that programs like Head Start never go away. Perhaps the point of this post was for me to do a web search about Head Start and find this. I think I'll make a contribution to them before the year is over.

We are social animals

Today I spent some time at Bab*ies R U*s. I found myself scoping out the other babies to guess how old they were and then looking to see what kind of shape the Mom was in. In general, after all the comparisons I made, I felt like I was doing pretty well for the age of my baby.

Don't change the baby on the bed!

In the morning, I'm sometimes too exhausted to pick up the baby (T) and walk into the other room to change her. I bring the diaper pad and all the diaper stuff into our room and change her on the bed.

This morning I was changing her. I had the old diaper off and I was pondering how dry it was. I was just wondering if I should worry because it was so dry when whooosh she let loose. It was just pee, but it was a lot.

Oh well, at least our sheets and mattress pad get washed often because of her. Note to self: Don't change the baby on the bed! (You would think as a third time Mom I would know these things!)

Preschooler Fashion

Recently, Miss N was seen sporting a little lavendar* cotton sun bonnet (size too small) with a light purple* polar fleece jacket. She looked smashing! Preschool fashion is so much fun!



*It's hard to tell from this photo, but the the color of the hat and the color of the jacket clash.

Thank goodness for the Web!

I may have mentioned that we moved ...

I may have mentioned that half my stuff (or it seems that way) is still in boxes.

I went to make rice this weekend (on Saturday) with my steamer and I couldn't find the instruction manual for it. The manual was packed by the movers and I didn't know where it was. I needed the manual to look up the amount of water and amount of rice you stick in the steamer. With my steamer, you don't just stick in the amount of rice and water that the package of rice says... You pour less water in the rice bowl than you would if you were cooking the rice in a pan because you also put water in the steamer part and the steam that cooks the rice also is absorbed into the rice too (somehow).

Anyway, it's frustrating when you want to cook something that should be easy and it's not. I didn't want to spend hours searching for that manual in the boxes that are around. I turned to the web. Within about 10 minutes, I was able to find and download a soft copy of the manual for the rice cooker!

Hurray!

Love the web!

I'm not sure if we're saving any time by not unpacking everything. It seems like I spend a lot of time (and experience a lot of frustration) searching through boxes looking for different things.

Could she get any sweeter?

Sometimes N seems oblivious to the world around her and sometimes she surprises us with her sensitivity and sweetness. I guess that's pretty typical for a 3.75 year old.

Anyway, last week, when we picked up N from preschool, her teacher told us that N made her day. The teacher had been out sick for a few day and when she came back, N said, “I missed you when you were gone. Where have you been?”

On the weight loss front (File under boring to everyone except me)

I think the diet (from this moment forward to be known as the if lots of BBQ chips then no ice cream diet) is working. My scale at home this morning said about 1.5 pounds less than it did last Sunday morning. Yay! Happy dance.

My scale at home is not as good as the scale at the fitness center. That scale says about 4 pounds less than my naked morning weight when I'm in my workout clothes at the end of the day. I truly love that scale right now. I was so excited last week when I stood on the scale and saw how much lower it was. Then I realized it was just a lie. I hadn't really lost 4 pounds in one workout. Oh, well, it was still nice and made me happy for a moment. It also gave me the encouragement I needed to keep not eating those BBQ chips that call to me. I realized that if I had the weight that I have on the fitness center at home on my scale at home then I know I would be able to fit in 1 more pair of my jeans and that I'd be really really close to fitting in a second pair.

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(Sidebar: If you care, my preference is to eat ice cream and not BBQ chips. Cookies and Cream ice cream is my favorite right now. I did really well every day last week and just had ice cream except for (yesterday) Saturday when I gave in to an urge for BBQ chips. Then I just had about 1/4 of the bag so I allowed myself a little ice cream.)

The K report

K had her 18-month check up. She's 26 pounds 2 ounces and 32.25-ish inches. She's about 75th weight and 60th height. Her head is 75th. She got one shot. A HiB. She's a big talker and tries to do everything her big sister does. She tries with all her might to get dressed all by herself. She can almost put on her pants--sometimes. She is very emotional and laughs easily and cries easily. We're totally in the midst of tantrums. She throws herself down on the floor and rolls around. I can't wait till she can be bribed (e.g., wear your barrette and we'll go to the park). She loves "Old MacDonald" (the song) and the ABC song. She is very very interested in letters (more on this soon). She loves baths! She LOVES Elmo.

K has many opinions about many things. One of which is shoes. She loves her tennis shoes and black shoes, but refuses to wear the little navy blue shoes I just bought for her. I'm hoping if they sit out for a few days she'll accept them. She loves her little white summery shoes and her tevas. She loves to put on her sister's shoes or my shoes. For an 18 month old, she is actually very good about getting on the shoes (hers and ours).

K won't wear a barrette and has hair that falls in her eyes a lot, so we hair spray it back. A few hours later, it's back in her eyes. She is very strawberry blonde in the back with a little bit of curl on the end. Her bangs are white-ish blonde. She has china doll skin and big round blue eyes.

K is totally in a Mom-mom stage. She loves to give me hugs. I love to give her hugs. It works out well. She is much snugglier than her older sister N. She is still nursing and says NEESE when she wants to nurse. She's basically down to one nap a day, but she gets so tired and still kind of needs 2 unless she takes a 3 hour nap (she's done this a few times and it is most excellent for me).

K goes to bed at 8:30 pm and then at 9 pm (ish) when her big sister goes to bed she gets up and snuggles for a few minutes. (K & N share a room and it works really well. When T is a little older (about 6-9 months) we'll have her join her big sisters and share a room with them. We'll have enough rooms for all the girls when they get older, but I think when they are so little that they should all sleep together. It makes me feel better knowing they aren't alone. When I was a kid, I always wanted to share a room with someone--my parents got me a dog eventually.) Anyway, K usually sleeps till around 8 am. We wish she'd sleep a little bit later and sometimes when we're lucky and she will sleep till 9 am. (We are not morning people around here!)

T's appointment

We went to T's physical therapy appointment for her neck yesterday. About 2 weeks ago it seemed to me that T was getting a lot stronger and was leaning less. Last week it definitely seemed that way. During tummy time she can totally pick up her head. She also turns it both to the right and the left when she is on her tummy or being held.

Needless to say, by the time it was time to go to her appointment, I felt like it was unnecessary to go. The physical therapist spent time turning T's head and waving toys in front of her face so that she could observe what T would do. The physical therapist also felt the muscles of T's neck. She said she could hardly tell a difference between the two sides. She said with true torticollis she would be able to feel a difference and that the tight side would most likely feel like a string of muscle or a knot. When she laid T on her back T laid with her head perfectly straight.

I felt a little silly for having gone to the appointment, but I must say that I am relieved to hear from an expert that T's little neck is ok. The physical therapist confirmed there is a tiny bit of flattening on the one side of her head that she preferred to lay on the first 8 weeks of her life, but chances are the flattening started in utero. T was a long baby and she was probably pretty smushed inside of me. The physical therapist said to just monitor what T does with her head and neck, but at this point we don't need to do anything.

Regarding the flat head on one side, she said that laying her on her back if her head is aligned is good for her. T spends a lot of time sleeping on her side (that isn't as flat) and also on her tummy. Now I won't have to feel guilty for putting her (on her back) under the gymini or the mobile in her cradle (which she loves to watch) to keep her busy while I deal with the other 2 little girls that run are part of my life.

First day back at the office

Today was my first day back at the office. I worked some my entire maternity "leave" so it's not actually my first day back at work. I've worked about 10 hour per week since T was 4 weeks old. Going back to the office is different than working at home.

Before going to the office I took K (almost 18 months) to Target, went to the coffee shop and got my second caffeine fix, and came home and nursed T and pumped (at the same time) for her. I then corralled N and drove her to preschool. By the time I got to work at 1 pm I was exhausted!

First order of business was to head for lunch since I never actually got breakfast, just caffeine, this morning. I walked into the cafeteria and it felt like home. There was a smell of stir-fry in the air and I knew what I'd eat for lunch as soon as I smelled it. It was good to see all the cafeteria folks. They take care of me. They cook for me and nourish me--they've fed me as I gestated 3 babes.

After I grabbed lunch I headed back to my office. I stopped by my supervisor's office and ate lunch while catching up with what he's doing. Then I went through most of my in-box on the door. You get lots of stuff in 16 weeks! I checked email and then began searching for an old email, from about 4 years ago, to find out if we were still talking with the same person (at another organization) now as we were then... and to refresh my memory of what she was like if we are still talking with her.

At 3 pm (time's almost up) (I figure 2 hours at the office for a first day back is good) I'm still searching for that four year old email. I have accomplished saying "hello" to a colleague and getting an update from another colleague on another project. I work on about 3-4 projects at any one time and it's fun. I'm feeling like I didn't actually accomplish anything major today, but I'm not feeling overwhelmed and I got a little "into the loop" again. I race out of work at 3:15-ish to go pick up N. I get confused in our parking lot at work... I'm not lost but I keep going the wrong way and it takes me about 6 minutes to get out of the stupid parking lot--GRRRR!

It's now midnight and I've just finished editing some things and am ready to send a few emails. (I finally found that old email. We are still talking with the same person.) I'm feeling a little more stressed now. I'm wondering how I'll ever do it all with 3 little girls. I tell myself that it will be okay as the holidays are approaching and nothing ever gets done around the holidays. By January T will be older and I'll be able to do more. (Maybe I can spend the holiday break catching up.)

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Random thoughts... I've been working where I work for 9 years now. I remember when I used to work 60-80 hours a week. For the last 4 years it's been almost impossible to work 20 hours a week. Exactly 4 years ago I hadn't even started my first maternity leave. I'm now returning from my third. Who would have thunk it??? Not me!

New diet

My weight has plateaued. I can generally get within 5-10 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight while breastfeeding without dieting though it takes 4-12 months. However, I'm tired of seeing the reflection of 20-ish extra pounds of me. I'm tired of only having about 4 shirts and 2 pairs of pants that fit. I refuse to go buy anything in the size I am now. Maternity clothes are not an option any more because they are too silly big 'cause I have lost about 20-ish pounds since T was born.

I would be much happier 5-15 pounds thinner, and I could fit into a lot more of my clothes. I've decided it's time to get serious about the weight. I'd like to lose 10 pounds by the holiday season... but since I'm breastfeeding, I'd settle for 5. Anyway, I'm putting myself on a very strict diet. Even though you're not supposed to diet while breast feeding, I think it will be ok. Here is the new diet:

If I eat 1/2 a bag (8 oz.) of BBQ potato chips as a snack in the afternoon, then no ice cream after dinner. If I don't eat 1/2 of a bag of chips in the afternoon, then only 1 big serving (instead of half the half gallon) of ice cream after dinner.

I'm also hoping Miss T (2.5 months) has another growth spurt soon.

Wish me luck!

Sanitized boogers

Here's a tip for you.

If your child has an icky nose and gets a gross green booger on his/her shirt, and you're out and can't change the shirt here's what you can do. 1) Wipe off most of the ick with a tissue and 2) drench the area where the booger was with hand-sanitizer. Or, if you have anti-bacterial wipes you can use one of those to accomplish step 1 and 2 in one step.

Voila...Instant death to the booger-germs!

(Bonus tip... If not all of the green booger comes off of the shirt, tell people it's guacamole.)

Stop the presses!

During tummy time today, Little T, 11 weeks, 1 day, rolled over from her tummy to her back. File under very very cool!

Part of the reason (a post in which I ramble all over the place)

Part of the reason I'm so stressed and busy right now is that we have houseguests... I call them houseguests even though they are my parents, because they give me extra work. Most people love it when Mom comes to visit cause she helps and plays "Mom." Not so in my case.

It's not that my Mom doesn't want to help. It's that my parents are a bit lot older than other people who are my age. I'm in my 30's. My parents are now 80 and 85. I'm not adopted. My Mom had a surprise in her mid 40's. That surprise was me. I have brothers who are actually old enough (just barely) to be my parents. When I was growing up, my parents always seemed much older to me than my friends' parents. Now they definitely are. I'm grateful that I can have time with them, but boy am I tired.

Instead of herding the three little ones to the car, I have to herd 5 to the car. I feel terrible my Dad. His walking is very poor right now. He's using a walker and watching him get up and down the 2 steps from the garage into the house is painful and heartbreaking. My Mom is doing really well considering all that she's been through. She broke her hip in January, but she is now walking about as well as she was walking before the break. I'm so thankful. When I saw her in May she was doing pretty well, but a bit slower than she is now.

Even though she's walking pretty well, she's still very frail. She has osteoporosis and her back is quite hunched over. It makes me sad to see how much they have declined in the last 7 years. (I got married 7 years ago and they were actually quite spry (by comparison) to where they are now.) Getting old sucks.

When I read things like this article about older mothers I'm never sure how I feel about the topic. I of course am happy I was born.

However, I always knew that I didn't want to be as old as my mom was when she had me when I had kids so I started in my early 30's. It took a little longer for me to have my first than I wanted (you never know what your fertility will be like before you try), but I am still younger than my Mom was when she had me.

Of course, I would never begrudge someone the chance to have a baby if they desired it (if they were physically able to take care of the child). (My parents were definitely physically able to take care of me.) I realize that some people don't find their spouse till later in life, and that older parents have many advantages over younger ones (e.g., patience and often financial abilities), but they are also faced with disadvantages.

When I had our first daughter, I was sad that I had waited so long, cause I wasn't that old. This reaction surprised me. Suddenly I just wanted to watch her develop, grow and change forever. Watching your kids grow up is the coolest thing. Ever. Before I was 30-ish I wasn't ready for kids. People should be ready for kids 'cause they change everything. (So cliche, but true--in fact, file the whole paragraph under cliche.)

For my whole life, my Mom has always said how much she wished she was younger. She drilled into my head from the time I was very young that she wasn't going to be around much longer and how I should enjoy my time with her. (Note to other Mom's out there, saying this is not the way to make your children enjoy you more... Guilt is never a good thing.)

Anyway, the visit. My parents try. I know they feel bad that they can't do more. My Mom really tries, but she can't bounce or walk with the baby, so therefore she can't hold the baby for very long. She can't chase the toddler as she climbs down from the kitchen table with gooey hands while she's supposed to be eating dinner. She can't pick up and console the 3.75 year old who has lost a toy. She can take care of herself, but watching her shuffle around the kitchen taking 10 minutes to make a cup of tea makes me do it for her--which makes me busier. Having her help me get dinner on the table makes her feel helpful, but makes it go slower because she's in the way and I have to wait for her to move. She wants to help, but it's not always helpful (sort of like when your 3.75 year old helps).

I wish my parents lived closer so that shorter trips were possible. I think I could handle 2-3 days of this pretty easily, but 10 days at an 80 year old pace with 3 little ones is just too much.

I have to thank my husband for being a saint and doing all that he has done to help. Yea, I know, for better for worse, but I feel like I owe him for the last 10 days! (He likes it when I feel this way.)

I'm too busy

I'm too frickin' busy to enjoy anything it seems. I'm always rushing to get to something. N (3.75) has started asking me, "Are we late again Mommy?" I like to be busy, but I feel like life is rushing by and I'm not getting to enjoy any of it. Parts of many days are no fun. Parts of many days are fun, so I shouldn't complain. Part of enjoying it for me is to create web pages and think about it, and I haven't had a chance to do that for a while now. Soon I hope. Another hope... Someday I hope that I can go to the bathroom at regular intervals all by myself.

Two examples of why I love where I live.... (and reveal what a true dork I am)

I grew up in a different area of the country than where I live now as an adult. I am so incredibly thankful that I no longer live in that area. First off, it's a red state. In fact, it's probably one of the top 5 most red states in the country. I say that because I know there are red states that were barely red, with a lot of sane-minded people, but the state I grew up in was very red. I won't specifically comment on the sanity of the people there, but let's say most of them think we should not teach evolution in school. See this for ways to quantify the red-ness or blue-ness of a state.

I digress, this post was not going to be about red and blue states... But rather, why I love where I live as an adult. (It is a blue state and I live in a very blue area of the state.)

Back to the point of the post... Reason numero uno: Tonight I was in my very blue grocery store. I love this place. The produce is amazing (mostly organic). The meat section is very nice and very clean with lots of organic options. I rarely buy meat, or rather, I rarely buy meat when I'm not pregnant or nursing. When I am pregnant or nursing I crave meat. Tonight I was buying some organic chicken to help with my need for protein. Just as I was getting my package of organic chicken, a guy, in the 25-35 age range, started asking the butcher questions.

The guy wanted organic ground beef and asked they ever had it because he didn't see any. The butcher replied that they did usually have it, but late in the day they sometimes ran out of it. Organic ground beef can only be ground first in the day before other non-organic meat to avoid contamination. (Very clever I thought.) The guy also seemed to think this was a good idea. He inquired when they ran out of the organic ground beef most days. The butcher said it varied, but they usually still had it around *** (I couldn't hear the time, and I didn't want to look like I was totally evesdropping).

The guy kept going with his questions. He inquired as to whether the organic beef had been grass or grain fed cattle. The butcher replied that the cows were grain fed.

The guy then discussed the merits of grain fed versus grass fed beef with the butcher. He (the guy) was concerned about the well-being of the cows if they were grain fed. He worried that they might have been kept in small pens. I couldn't hear the butcher's responses, but I must say that I really was deeply moved by that guy and his questions (seriously). He inspired me to do a couple of web searches to find out more. This and this and this and this are interesting.

I look forward to not craving meat in the future... Most likely around August of 2007, though I'll crave it less after baby T starts solids.
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Reason number two for why I love where I live: A woman in my dance class remarked to me that when I got home my baby was going to get a milkshake. I laughed. Yes, I was jumping around a lot. Yes, I am breastfeeding. Yes, I live in a great place where people assume that I'm breastfeeding because it is a cultural norm. Of course, people could assume that I'm breastfeeding due to the extra large boobs that I currently have... However, I'd rather think that it's the former and not the latter reason.