Memories

A few days ago, we started discussing New Year's with the girls. twoK remembered that you watch TV and there's a big ball. I can't remember if she thought it went up or down, but she knew that when it reached the bottom (or top) it was New Year's. She also remembered that you got to yell "Happy New Year!"

She's only 4.5 so the last time she did this she was only 3.5. Pretty impressive memory I'd say. She also remembered we were at the house of friends (L, K, D, J, and G).

Tonight, we decided not to go to a New Year's party. We decided to stay home. Part of the reason is that we just got new bookshelves in our house and I wanted to tackle organizing some of our boxes of books. I think I got rid of 4 or 5 boxes today. The bookshelves are full and we still have 8-10 more boxes. Hrm.

oNe was so helpful. She worked for 2 hours with me as I pulled books from boxes and she dusted them and put them on shelves. She also ran a lot of books downstairs and her Daddy put them on another bookshelf. Oh boy, do we need more shelves. I had suggested to MWH another place we could add shelves, but I didn't realize how much we'd NEED them. Maybe I'll go measure.

Another reason we decided not to go to the party is that I am feeling a little overwhelmed by life still. Dad isn't doing well. Yesterday, I was talking to my brother and he was saying how he thought Dad could have quite a bit of time left. He thought he was doing okay. This morning, he called with a very different assessment. I am very sad.

I don't know whether I should go home now or not. There isn't much I can do, but it sounds like Mom would like me to be there. If I go, do I take one, two, or three of the girls? When do I go? Argh. I have to start googling tickets and figuring out what makes the most sense.

Despite the news from my brother, we had a nice day with friends. We hung with our favorite folks and had our favorite meal. I keep finding myself up and down and up and down. The emotional roller coaster is so hard.

"never in a million years..."

I needed a new part for my blender. The bottom part is cracked... I never thought I'd be able to get just the part, but I googled and with one google found a place that has it for a mere $3.99 and will ship it to me for less than $3 more. I am so excited.

I googled "osterizer blender parts" and found Goodman's (all hail Goodman's) where they have this... exactly what I need. I was anticipating this being a largely impossible task.

AND...

Yesterday, I went shopping with my wonderful friend PS. We ate lunch and we chatted and caught up... I haven't seen her in like 3 weeks. We usually see each other every few days because we work together, but this fall has been a hard fall (see all the stuff about Dad) so I haven't seen her as much as I like. Soon, we'll be working together more and thinking about a fun project.

The "never in a million years" part of today is when we were shopping. I found 2 pairs of jeans that I bought. The process of jean shopping is so annoying because there are so many styles and so many sizes and so many fabrics. It seems that in each style I needed a different size... and then it got complicated because depending on the fabric types, I also needed a different size.

ARGGH!

The jeans weren't organized well by style and fabric so we had to dig through piles.... it took a LOT more time than it should have, but we still found the jeans in about an hour.

Amazing.

Tasty

For years, MWH and I have joked about hemp as an additive to food.
Today, I found something we had to try.

They are tasty. We are both laughing. (They have 3 grams of protein, 2 of fiber... 8 grams of fat, and 140 calories per serving. I think I just inhaled 1/2 a bag... oops.)

A related tangent: Three-a just called me a silly goose. Very cute.

I have a problem...

I meet lots of people and they introduce themselves...

I try to remember all the names, but I am not always successful....

The problem is when you meet people, and you hear their names right away, you don't know whether you'll actually be friends or not, so you don't know whether to really learn their name, or whether it's not really necessary...

But then...after you talk with someone for months it seems silly to ask their name again... You know?

One woman was in one of the classes I took with Three-a. We saw each other every Friday for about a year... We liked each other. I didn't know her name... She wanted to do play dates and she was really nice, but I didn't know her name. I concocted this whole scheme to find out her name and it didn't work.

Sigh.

I finally learned her name without asking... It was good.

Now she's a friend in facebook.

Now, I have this problem again with someone in another class. I *think* MWH helped me figure out her name... She works where he works and I think through process of elimination in the company directory we determined her name. I'm now going to have to test out her name and see if she responds... I'll be sure to do it in a crowd and just yell _____i... If she's not named _____i, then I'll learn who is named _____i and we can go from there...

I'm pretty sure her name is _____i.

Have you ever not known the name of someone you should have known? What have you done?

Argh.

Calculators

Here's a link to a calculator that calculates an estimate of your metabolic rate and gives you an estimate of how many calories you can eat in a day. My estimate ranged from 2200-2500 calories a day. This sounds about right. I calculated at a "moderate" level of activity and a "heavy" level of activity.

There are lots

There are lots of people who are in my life that I am glad don't know about this site. I can complain about them if I want to here... However, I rarely do. Oh well. I usually start to complain about them in a post and then decide I don't want to push publish quite yet and let a little time go by and then I forget. I have a LOT of half-written, unpublished posts. There are 858 of the unpublished kind and 1674 published ones.

Okay...

Yea, I was going to complain about M, but now I don't feel like explaining the whole set-up.

I will end on a positive note... I had a lovely date afternoon with MWH. We worked out, then went to dinner and the Apple store. It was fun to have some grown-up conversation time.

Laundry

oNe decided she wanted to learn how to do laundry. Apparently, I don't keep up with it well enough for her because her favorite PJs aren't always clean. MWH showed her how to put the clothes, soap and color catcher in the washing machine and I showed her how to turn on the dryer. She did two loads of clothes today and even folded and put one away (MWH helped on this).

Go oNe! (She's almost 7.... WOWZA... How did she get so big?)

love the break

Another un-twitter

Was in PJs until 3 pm. Woo! Just took a shower.

140 or less

characters that is...

I am so freakin' tired it's not even funny.

More un-twitters

I'm finding I'm having a hard time wanting to blog right now, and I don't know why. The days are full of good things and sad things and I find that I don't want to think deeper than 140 character blurbs.

1. Can't decide whether the tv stand that we bought from makes me happy or sad when I look at it.

2. am glad Dad had a good day yesterday (he went home to celebrate Christmas late with the fam). am sad I missed it.

2b. would like to go see Dad, but it's so hard in so many ways. am mad at myself for feeling this way.

3. love watching the little girls play and interact. I have brothers, but they are older, so watching siblings is very fun. feels etic.

4. am thinking about my goals for 2008 and assessing the progress on them...need to do this for end of year blog post.

5. My weight jumps around a LOT. I continue to lose inches, but not (a lot of) weight. Go muscle!

6. I have a hard time with twitter? I start to type something short and then get all crazy. Then I have to edit.

7. can't decide what we should do today. It's a nice day outside. We were supposed to go see a friend, but she's sick. Maybe the park.

8. How many twitters are appropriate in a day?

9. Yes, I'm playing around with "reactions" below. Any suggestions for categories?

facebook... it is sooooo high school

1. Once I rsvp'd no to a party. It was being thrown by someone who is nice enough, but hanging out with her is always a little odd.

2. I felt a little guilty about saying no.

3. I felt more guilty that I checked to see if the hostess was in facebook and then didn't friend her when I found her in facebook.

4. I felt EVEN more guilty that I did friend one of our mutual friends who is her friend in facebook, but not her.

It's not always possible

to get as much sleep as you would like, but here's another good reason to try.

And... maybe someday, night owls will be more appreciated. MWH and I are really hoping! If it were a recognized condition, we could get some accommodation at school. (Did I mention how getting oNe to school by 9 am is REALLY painful for all of us?)

what is it?

This is a Rorschach Test

Leave a comment and tell me what you see here.


(This was done by twoK a long time ago (maybe 1.5 years).... She hung it in the hallway and I just took it down.)

The big day with the tree and the presents....

and now, the day after with the mess! Woo! It must have been a great day because our house is trashed. Heh.

One of my brothers and his family came down on Tuesday. It was fun having them here. My brother has a daughter so the girls had "big cousin" S. Because S was in between kid status and adult status, she could choose where she wanted to hang. She hung with the little girls most of the time. It was great. The little girls loved playing with S and their new toys.

While they were playing, my brother and I cooked a lot of food, my Father's recipes, and we drank lots of coffee. (Dad isn't doing well and it's really hard to think about it. I feel so wimpy not wanting to think about it, but it is so sad to me. One of my brothers was with Mom yesterday and I am so glad he was. The rest of the siblings were not with Mom. We video chatted with Mom last night. That was good, but it's not the same.) MWH spent some time on the phone chatting with his family while my brother and I cooked.

The little girls got lots of books. MWH got lots of crocs (to see if he liked any different styles). I got lots of silicone... NO, not implants, for cooking. (heh!)

Big hits of the day, remote control mouse for oNe's kitty. Super fun if you have a cat who likes to play! (We didn't get that particular mouse, but one very similar, but we got ours at Tar*get and it was cheaper!)

My sister-in-law and I did a Zumba video after dinner.

Three-a loves the castle and so does twoK... oNe loves these little dinosaurs, and the remote control mouse...


Despite having company, and doing a lot of cooking, I read an entire book in ~ 24 hours. It wasn't a present, MWH had gotten it on one of our vacations this summer and in our cleaning frenzy it came into view. As I got up early to guard the tree, I picked it up and started reading. It was a fun Sci-Fi read. It's fun to read novels. I must make it a goal in 2009 to read more fun books.

---

I just asked the little girls what their favorite part of Christmas was.

Three-a says her favorite part of Christmas was when Santa was coming.... This is kind of funny because she wouldn't go to sleep on Christmas Eve because she said she didn't want Santa to come.

twoK says opening presents was her favorite part.

oNe says when S got her camera. S wanted a camera for Christmas. Aww.

Okay... Go over to the other blog if you want to see the little girls sitting on Santa's lap. (Leave a comment with your email (I'll delete) if you don't know and want the URL to the other blog.)

Quote

I did not pick a booger out of my nose and put it in shoe. I would
never do that. --oNe

Um, okay, but that is gross. (The reason she said this was that she saw some guacamole on her shoe. It's funny to me that she said this because of this.)


Sent from my iPhone

More un-twitters

Cleaning my house is a good work out!

Zumba and weights last night really kicked my @&&! Very very sore.

A series of twitters

I keep forgetting to twitter, but if I did, here's what you would have heard today (starting about 9 am).

1. 3 little girls armed with dust rags are cute and can clean a lot quickly!

2. I am so glad I have a Roomba to help me clean!

3. I am ALMOST done cleaning.

4. I am glad Christmas is only once a year.

5. I <3 my Zumba Teacher.... But we knew that!

6. WHAT was I thinking doing leg presses last night before Zumba?

7. Our Zumba teacher made today's set harder than usual so we could feel less guilty about eating over the holiday.

8. I have a list a mile long for Whole Foods.

9. OMG I just spent more at Whole Foods than I ever have. New record! Not sure it's good to set new records at Whole Foods.

10. I spent over an hour grocery shopping and I still forgot something.

11. Did I mention how glad I am that Christmas is only once a year?

12. Why do I freak out that the grocery stores will be closed for a day????

As if

As if you needed more proof that this is, indeed, a Mommy-blog. I am organizing things. (Yea, I am feeling okay. I NEVER organize. I usually just make piles--objects are usually at least loosely associated.) Anyway, I just found a plastic bag full of cotton nursing pads.

A whole bunch of them. Any ideas for what I should do with them? When I was nursing, I would use them as coasters. Think they would make nice Christmas gifts?

please

When I order from you, please don't send me "bonus" stuff unless it's something you KNOW I NEED. When I ordered my iPhone case, I didn't actually WANT a leather key ring holder to go with it. I didn't order it. I feel guilty throwing it away. It's a lovely key ring, but I don't want it.

Also, I didn't ask for "trading cards" for a movie I've never seen as a bonus with one of the gifts I bought. Why must you send unsolicited JUNK to me?

And then all the extra pieces of paper that you send for advertising.... I ORDERED FROM YOUR WEB SITE... WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KILL MORE TREES to send me pieces of paper to tell me about your products? Theoretically, I know how to find out everything I ever wanted to know about your products from the web.

I'm sure there's more complaining to be done, but that's it for now.

delays?

My brother is supposed to arrive for the holiday tomorrow. Who knows what will happen given the icy storms where he lives. Yikes. Talk about crazy weather. Global climate change?

Spicy!

Pecans that is.

4 ounces raw pecans
2 Tablespoons sugar
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 Tablespoon Butter*

Melt the butter and stir in the sugar and cayenne pepper. Stir in the pecans and coat as evenly as you can. Spread pecans on a baking tray with parchment paper (or one of the silicone baking tray liners--what I use).

Bake at 300 for 20 minutes or a little longer (like 2-3 minutes more) for a firm coating. (What I usually do is turn off the oven at 19-20 minutes and just let the pecans sit in the oven as it cools.)

Super yummy... Serve as part of a salad or just a yummy candy bowl treat. (I usually make a big green salad with cranberries, tomatoes, peppers, and a balsamic vinegar dressing.)


*I've made these vegan with Canola Oil and they weren't bad. I DO NOT recommend using olive oil to make these. A friend suggested I try a heart healthy margarine and I might the next time I make them vegan. If you try this and make it vegan, let me know what you use.

---

For the dressing I usually mix
~ 2-3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar,
~1/3 cup olive oil,
a little garlic,
~2 tablespoons a little mustard (honey mustard preferably or honey and mustard) (or a good dijon),
a little red pepper flakes (1/4 teaspoon) (not cayenne!),
a few shakes of salt* and pepper.
Whisk it up and let it set for a couple of hours

(I rarely measure any more.)

*Call me a snob, but I prefer sea salt, especially in this recipe.

Grades

Remind me of how much I hate grading next semester during the semester so that at the end, I won't be shocked. It's not the process of grading (although that can be tedious), but it's the putting a SCORE on the person that I dislike so much. I could go with the philosophy of, "everyone gets an A" in my course, but that doesn't seem fair when some people don't do anything and/or when they aren't getting the material.

If one person is logging in to the course on a regular basis, and thinking about things on a regular basis, they will most likely do better in the course than someone who only thinks about things every couple of weeks. Participation doesn't correlate perfectly with the ability to produce a good paper, but it does correlate significantly. For most people, they need to think about things a great deal. The subject matter of the course is difficult.

I do think when I grade, that I will go with "if they are on the border, round UP."

ROUND UP. My new mantra.

Because I rock?

Heh. Title is tongue-in-cheek.

Today was oNe's holiday party at school. All morning long I kept wondering, "Am I supposed to bring something?" I kept trying to remember if I'd signed up for anything today. As I searched my memory, I kept coming up with the answer of no, I haven't signed up for anything and I don't need to bring anything.

I must have thought about if I needed to bring anything 20 or 30 times between the hours of 9 am and 11:30 am. Then, I took twoK and Three-a to Tar*get and got gift cards for all the teachers and a present for our next door neighbor's little girl. I got twoK and Three-a to preschool on time.

Next, I ran to the grocery store. I got a lot of food. I started planning dinner for 12/25 (and 12/23 & 24 for when we have visitors). At the store, I remembered I needed to grab Three-a's preschool application for next year to keep this from happening again.

I took grocery's home from the grocery store, put them away, grabbed Three-a's application, and headed for oNe's holiday party. I was just patting myself on the back for getting so much done today. Also, I was congratulating myself on looking like I was only going to be 2-3 minutes late for the start of the holiday party at oNe's school.

Woo! I was proud. I rock!

Then, before I'd had time to stop feeling like a Mommy/domestic-goddess (see above), I remembered what I was supposed to bring for the holiday party.

Crap. No longer do I rock.

The holiday party starts in 1 minute and now I have to run to the grocery store AGAIN. Fortunately, there is a store very close to oNe's school. I run in, get the what I need for the party, and make it to the holiday party only 11 minutes late. Since I'm late, I'm crossing my fingers that they aren't doing the activity that they need my ingredient for first.

I walk in to the party and they are doing the *other* holiday party activity! Whew! Thank goodness.

The most organized Mom, who helped plan the party, catches me as soon as I walk in the door. I think she would like to see me NOT have my ingredient. The first thing she says to me is, "Did you bring YOUR INGREDIENT?" "Of course!" I say with a smile. " I brought MY INGREDIENT plus some of another ingredient."

As I put my ingredient on the table I thank goodness that my brain kicked in at JUST THE RIGHT moment to remember the ingredient. I can't imagine what most organized Mom would have said if I'd forgotten. Geez. I shudder at the thought of how awful she would have determined me to be.

I sense that she is always expecting someone to fall short of her standards. Another Mom (S) in the classroom has already fallen short of her standards. Poor S. I like S a lot. S is chill. S has three kids and works. S, from what little I know of her, seems like someone who will become a good friend.

I think most organized Mom is a SAHM who probably should be working. She used to work. She quit working when her child was born. She has two kids and is overwhelmed by them. I think she has really high expectations of what she wants from her kids, and kids, unlike colleagues don't always jump when you say jump. And, sometimes they jump when you don't want them to jump. For someone like most organized Mom, this probably makes her crazy.

Anyway, the point of this post was to record how I don't think I have yet lost points in most organized Mom's eyes. I'll keep you posted about what happens in the spring as I'm supposed to work with her on a project. Could be entertaining.

She seems like a nice enough woman, but she has a need to be in control. I rarely feel in control, and I'm good with that.

weird

I read a lot of blogs.... Not as many as I used to read, but a lot.

Anyway, I just stumbled on the blog of a woman* I used to read, but haven't read in multiple years... I dunno... maybe 3-5 years? I used to read her a great deal... but she kind of drove me crazy, so I stopped. (I never left comments, but sometimes you grow away from people... even people you've NEVER MET.)

Anyway, I stumbled across her blog and saw a picture of her and it looked like she was getting older. Maybe it wasn't a flattering picture, but she must have kind of liked it because she used it on her blog, but it made her look a great deal older... I guess, the blogosphere is getting older**... and younger, and older... It's a little weird to see someone you've never met get older. You know?



*And she will remain anonymous.

**I am aging too. In the next year, I hope to reflect a bit on what I am trying to do to counteract the effects.

I exercised today.

Woo.

Good stuff that exercise.

I was very stressed today. I had a deadline (posting grades). I now only need to get ready for the holidays. (There's other stuff I should do, but I can ignore it.)

sKreaming

twoK took a nap today and woke up on the wrong side of the bed. YiKes!

Oh, the sKreaming. Oh, the door slamming. Oh, the foot stomping. The teenage years are going to be NOT FUN.

I'm almost done with grading. The student (mentioned in last post) is re-writing the offensive paper and hopefully has learned something in the process. I hope to do a lot tonight and finish up tomorrow (grades are due, but I need to ALSO send feedback to the students).

twoK just came back after throwing huge temper tantrum, which I ignored. She is calm now. I am so good at ignoring now. There are times when ignoring is BEST. There are times when intervention is necessary. I think, almost 7 years into this parenting gig, I am learning to identify the situations.

Wow... oNe is almost 7. Yowza.

Here's a list of things for me to do around here on the blog (as time allows).

1. Talk about the early days with oNe.
2. Talk about the early days with twoK.
3. Go back and read what I wrote about Three-a and add anything I missed.
4. Talk about graduate school experiences.
5. Talk about high school. Maybe even scan in photos to make fun of and share (credit to Swistle for this idea).


6. What would you like to hear/know about this family?

---

Right now, the girls are watching a Carebears movie. It's even got bad 80s music in it. Totally. (Three-a says, "totally" all the time. It's pretty funny... She'll say, I can "totally" open the refrigerator. ... or something like that.)

Okay, I'm totally rambling.

Heh.

Ugh

One of my students turned in a paper that was full of quotes... Literally 1/2 of the paper was a quote (not straight through, but interspersed and sometimes a whole paragraph was a just a quote). I can't assess a person's understanding if they are only using quotes. The very troubling part of the paper was the number of quotes what weren't attributed to the authors who wrote the words.

Ugh. I just sent the email dealing with it. Ugh. Ugh. I know it's only one student. I was just hoping I wouldn't have to deal with this with graduate students. We'll see what happens now.

5

Only 5 more days of waking up early to take oNe to school before break. I am thrilled. She is too. We high-fived about it tonight. We're going to be such night owls over break!

10

I'm done with grades for 10 of my students... 7 more to go. Only 5 more papers to grade, but I have 2 students who didn't participate as much as they should have so I need to go over all of their work carefully now and make a decision. The good news is I don't think I'll be giving any Cs this semester. The lowest grade will most likely be a B. Ah, grad students are wonderful. (I might have to give one or two B-s, but B- is better than C+!)

Just the facts

1. We went to my work holiday party. It was fun. I "danced like a maniac" in the words of MWH. Zumba has turned me into even more of a dancin' fool. Yea. I think I will try to take ballet in the next year. And yoga. And do my fav dance class... We'll see how much time I have. I totally need to get the girls dancing. I *wish* MWH would take a social dance class with me, but he says I don't let him lead. I promise I would try really hard to let him lead. Really. I think it would be super fun and there isn't any one I'd rather dance with ....

2. Dad is doing worse. Mom is very resilient. I am not there. Sigh.

3. I got a chance to speak to a woman at work who is a wonderful mentor. She wants me to get involved in the work she does. I am not that interested in that work, but she is convincing me of the importance of understanding that work. After March, it might make sense for me to gain an understanding of the P* project. (Ugh.)

4. I must go finish grading now.

woo... technology!

I can send text messages from iChat to cell phones. I've had this capability for a while, but I didn't know it. And! Then people can reply to my messages sent via my computer and it comes back to me on my computer! (I wish I'd known about this sooner.)

Woo!

I am doing worse than I thought

I'll have to write up the story of how I lost my keys this morning. And where they were when a friend found them. I am more stressed than I thought. I will also have to tell you about the new term MWH created for me. It fits.

all over the map!

Boy, I'm all over the map emotionally today!

I have been ecstatic, felt totally incompetent, almost cried because of joy and excitement, and been really, really angry... And that was just the last half-hour.

I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed. I will be done grading soon and then it will be better. Just for the record, teaching this semester has been really good for me. I have learned a lot and I have really enjoyed the students.

<3 for Swistle

Thanks to Swistle a lot of my holiday shopping is done. Woo! The girls are going to get this from Santa. They will also get this, this and this.

I like to give the girls "one" present from Santa if possible. Since they are so close in age, it works (in my opinion). Something they will like, and use together, but something they wouldn't necessarily ask for on their own. (twoK has indicated she likes this castle when we've seen it in stores and I've been meaning to get it but haven't yet.)

I need to get oNe something else for the holidays, that will be from Mom and Dad not Santa, but she's actually kind of hard to shop for...

twoK will get a Fancy Nancy Doll.

Three-a will get something from the Diego world, or the Thomas world. Three-a is such a mix of the other girls. Some days she's only about girly toys and somedays she tells me, "I Don't Like Princesses."

Heh.

Deep sigh

I'm not where Dad is. I wish I could be in both places at the same time. I can't. It's impossible. (I cannot change the laws of physics. --points for getting the reference.)

My Mom tried to make me feel better the other day by telling me that Dad wasn't with his Dad at the end. Dad moved away from where his parents lived.

My Mom was where her parents were her whole life. Two of my three brothers are there and stayed their whole lives. One of my brothers just left, and he's older than me. I don't know whether he'll go back or not. His wife doesn't want to go back.

My Godfather tried to make me feel better about not being there. My Godfather "gets" at a truly deep level, the need to be resilient in life. It was good to talk with him.

My Godfather and Dad share the EXACT same birthdate.

My Godfather is doing really well physically. I am thrilled, he is, but wish my Dad was too.

I feel so helpless.

It's beginning to look a little like....

High School...
In facebook.

Oh my.

Just for the record, I was a member of facebook back before it was really cool. I joined in the fall of 2005. I have to join these kinds of sites for some of the work I do and indeed, I do.

I am now friends with several people from my high school. Some of them were actually my friends during high school. I like facebook and have grown more fond of it while teaching the class I am teaching. My students use it and it is a fun way to get to know them better (remember, I teach online this semester).

Oh! The professor I was filling in for this semester said I could have the class again in the fall! I am excited.

What else? Yesterday I did

1) Zumba
2) Laundry (and MWH helped!)
3) didn't read an article. I read one page of one...
4) I didn't finish grading J's make-up paper.

I am falling behind. I need to kick myself in the pants.

Dad is doing a little bit worse. Sigh.

How are you?

Bats

SAHMs drive like bats out of hell when they leave preschool after drop-off.

Heh. It's really not safe to back out in the parking lot.

Procastination!

The things I still want to get done today.

1. Zumba (with DVD at home)
2. Laundry
3. Read at least one of the 3 papers I need to read.
4. Finish grading J's make-up assignment

Instead, I'm making pyramids of pasta. There is a reason. I am soooooo happy it's back. Trader Joe's told me it was discontinued. We couldn't buy it for about 2-3 weeks. I was not sure what we were going to do. It's really good whole grain pasta. Lots of protein and fiber... Not tons of carbs. Super tasty with a good texture. Yes, we like it. We eat it nearly every day. I am thrilled it's back!

The cats thought I was a little insane. The girls missed seeing the pyramid.

The tree is up. (The one in that picture is the little tree that belongs to the girls... The big one is up and decked too.)

The kitchen floor is clean.

oNe got her hair trimmed and her bangs are adorably too short--the look a 6-year-old can pull off, but not a grown up.



Must get moving on my list.

Santa is thinking

about these... I'm thinking of 5 pairs. Heh.

heh

I asked twoK, "Are you my high maintenance baby girl?" (She was being high maintenance about how her apple was cut.)

She replied, "I'm not a baby."

Heh.

way, way back

When I was pregnant, Ann Taylor did not make maternity clothes. If she had, I probably wouldn't have spent the money on them, but damn, these are cute! Remind me to tell you about my body and how the three pregnancies were different. I must go teach my class now otherwise I'd do it now.

This minute

I am starving!

Yesterday I realized that I have been "waiting" for my students to finish something and not wanting to get involved in anything else so I've been getting more and more bored doing little things I don't really need to do. I just realized (last night) that I could do FUN stuff while waiting. I don't have to be productive every minute. I decide things should be done in a certain order, but then I sometimes fail to shuffle things around or realize I can intersperse little things in if I need to do so!

Yea, I'm slow like that.

Okay....

This morning oNe was worried about something falling out of her pocket. I explained how pocket-technology utilized the power of gravity to help keep things in. Heh.

twoK and Three-a were playing on the bed this morning and were pretending it was a boat. When they'd get off the bed they'd swim and puff their cheeks full of air. Of course they were breathing through their moutns, but it was so cute! Love pretend! They were telling each other what great swimmers they were. They were paddling with a "row." I asked "oar"? They said, yea!!! I pretended along with them for a little while and then I did a computer thing and twoK said, "Let's not disturb Mommy Three-a. Let's go play in the living room." It made me sad for a minute, but it also makes me happy that they realize sometimes I have to do work, and they respect that. I would love to play with them all the time, but I can't. Even if I didn't do work outside the house, I wouldn't be able to play with them all the time. I'd still have things where they couldn't be involved. It's okay. I can't be everything to everybody all the time. It's okay.

Not and hot

They rhyme.

Last night I was NOT tired and I was HOT. I didn't sleep very well.

Now I am NOT HOT and I am tired. Sigh.

like, omg!

I just discovered Flair in Facebook.

um, yea.


If you miss my blog posts, you'll know where to find me. Unless, the Flair app has crashed. Then I'll be back.

So...

The little girls stumbled on the BATH toys for their stocking. They didn't get a GREAT look at the toys, but this means that instead of going in the stocking they will be wrapped and under the tree from Mom and Dad rather than from Santa. Sigh. Now I have to go out and find more little stuff for the stocking. Argh!

Note to self.... HIDE PRESENTS BETTER.

Oh!

I forgot to write about the best part of the long weekend... We got together with our favorite peeps for dinner. (Due to illness, one of the couples couldn't be there this time.)

It was great seeing my friends. I haven't seen former supervisor (now known as FS for former supervisor or "forever supervisor") since.... gosh, maybe August or September at the last swimming get-together.

It's been kind o' crazy around here with teaching and traveling for class, writing two new project proposals and traveling back to see Dad twice this fall. Whew! No wonder I'm tired!

Yea, seriously, I'm tired. I'm trying to take it a teeny bit easier. Class is winding down. I have one more assignment to grade. I have about 5 more published papers to read (before I can grade--'cause they are writing about a paper of their choice) and I have one more set of readings to go through with them (so I have to read 3 more articles). The articles this time are fairly easy though so that's good. I should be done with class and grades by 12/15 or 16.

---

I've started on Christmas shopping, but need to order these for the girls. I think Santa is going to bring 3 of these so they each get one. We'll get them some books and other things, but I don't like to do too much stuff at the holidays. Our family does a great job of buying WAY too much stuff. I have toothbrushes and bath toys for the stocking already...

---

Dad update...not much news. He is about the same (or a teeny bit worse (mentally) or a teeny bit better (stronger)) as he was when he got out of the hospital. I should ask my Mom when they are going to do a blood work panel on him.

Technology

Saturday
We are at "huge technology store that starts with an f" and we are shopping for many things. The girls and I are sitting having a snack (ice cream) while MWH looks at flat screen TVs. I gave us a deadline of Thanksgiving. We missed it with all the stuff with my Dad.

The above was typed on my iPhone

Sunday
Let's see... We spent about 2.5 hours in the big tech store. We went in mid-afternoon and it was dark when we came out. It was lots of fun for the first 1.5 hours. We had our snack and then headed to the bathrooms. Unfortunately, they were closed. We learned (or MWH did) a lot about flat screens. However, at the end of the day, neither of us felt like we could make a decision and purchase one. We felt a little like we'd been at Disneyland. We were all beaten up and exhausted.

Today, after recharging and researching a bit more, MWH went out and got us a new flat screen. Woo! I am very impressed that we managed to get one this weekend. Wowza. The girls must be getting older (we couldn't have done this without nanny-help last year).

At the big tech store I got a few ideas for the girls for the upcoming holiday that starts with a C...

I think oNe would enjoy a calculator. She told me the other day how much she loves to do math and think about numbers. You go girl!

There were many cool flashlights...including a little hand crank one. Three-a needs that because she runs through batteries like crazy.

While we were walking through the store Three-a said, "I need a camera and an iPhone." She's a girl like me!

I showed oNe how the iPhone can do GPS-like maps and show where you are (a little blue dot) on your path to wherever you want to go. She now likes to watch navigation on the iPhone.

There were some cool princess things at the store for twoK too. There was a D*is*ney princess pen with several different ink colors and a built-in flashlight. She will love it (If I manage to get back to the store)!

It's almost December

Yea.

It's really warm today (about 70 degrees). The girls just watched Frosty the Snowman and now they want hot chocolate. Heh.

Absolutely classic

Or if you don't want to watch all 6 minutes (I HIGHLY recommend it though) check out the 45 second clip below.





(Did I tell you I once met Gregory Hines? I have his autograph on a business card... How cool is that?)

my jaw

I've written about my back a lot. I think, since July, I've been saying Zumba's helping and not lifting Three-a as much is helping too. I've been icing less, but I make sure to ice when I over do it in Zumba. I think, and I tend to be conservative in making proclamations of improvement, that my back is feeling better. It's not perfect, but I feel like I've figured out some things that will make it better and that I can and more importantly will do to help it. (If you won't DO something, it won't help.)

Okay... with that introduction, my jaw is hurting worse. I know I'm very stressed about Dad right now, and I know this much stress isn't good, so I'm working on relaxing and figuring out solutions to help my jaw. The other night, I thought maybe a glass of wine would help. I don't drink, and I don't really want to drink alcohol because I think it is a toxin your liver has to break down and clear, but I am starting to wonder about things that might help me get stress under control. Obviously, exercise helps. I'm going to try to add yoga or meditation to my workout mix soon. I think that would be super for me. I'm guessing my jaw might become a topic around here. It hurts so much right now.

(At the store today, I wondered if my jaw hurt more because my back hurt less... in other words, am I now just able to feel my jaw above the pain in my back? I don't think that's entirely the case, but it has risen to be a bigger problem for me than my back since I feel I have some potential solutions for my back.)

Lazy Day

Highlights

Dad actually got to go home for a few hours today. I didn't know if he would be able to do it. My brother got him and it all went well. Dad ate a lot (for him in this state). He was there for about 3 hours. We did a little video chat so the girls got to see him and he the girls (NOT NEARLY AS GOOD AS face-to-face) but we recorded it. I'm thrilled he got to go home. So happy!


Three-a has started saying, "I'm the youngest and oNe is the oldest." She'll tell people this. It's very funny and cute.

Three-a washed dishes with MWH... He left her to go do something and she was washing a pan.... She played happily washing the same pan for about 1/2 hour--he got sidetracked. She kept adding soap and water. It's the cleanest the pan has EVER been. I didn't stop her because she was having so much fun!


MWH did some laundry and cleaned some in our room! Go MWH! Thank you!


The soup was fun to make and yummy.


twoK and Three-a played with MoonSand for a long time today. I don't like the stuff, it's messy, but they totally enjoyed it.


I got a chance to catch up a bit with my friend who had twins on Halloween. That was nice.


It was such a lazy day that we didn't even make it to a park. It was good. The girls were content and not stir crazy and I needed low-key!

roller

coaster.

Dad is a little more clear now. Mom and he are hanging right now.

empty

I am sad and empty. Dad is doing worse. Sigh. It's happening pretty fast all things considered, or maybe not. He's not been eating well for a couple of weeks. When he was in the hospital, fluids helped a lot, but he still wouldn't really eat. Poor guy. My Dad LOVED to eat. He's the kind of guy that all-you-can-eat places threw out because he'd eat so much. Yea. It's hard.

I don't think I should go back just yet. I feel sort of like I should, but not really. Does that make me a terrible daughter? Dad always said, "Do good stuff for people while they are alive so they can know it. Don't wait until they die to do nice things." Though he might still "know" I was there (might--he's losing lucidity quickly it sounds), he also wanted me to "take good care of the girls and not go running back and forth all the time." When I left last Saturday (geez, not even a week), I told him to tell someone if he wanted me there and that I would come.

---

Today's the "eating day" and bleh. We don't really eat turkey so I decided to make this comforting soup.

Oh, last night, when I went grocery shopping, it wasn't too bad. It wasn't too busy and people were nicer than they were last year. That's good. It gives me a little hope for humanity.

---

The good...
This morning, all the little girls came and piled in bed with MWH and me. It was fun... Three-a wanted me to play tickle monster, and who can possibly refuse that??? She screamed with laughter and begged me to stop tickling her. When I stopped she begged me to tickle some more. Heh.

inhale

Today's been a tough day. Dad's not doing well. My brothers are being optimistic saying it's probably something minor. I am being pessimistic. I would be happy if they were right and I was wrong. I don't know. Sigh. Hey, you heard it here... I would be happy to be wrong! Heh.

I am just overwhelmed. Completely overwhelmed. I want to go workout. However, I don't seem to have enough energy to move off my bed. We'll see if I can motivate myself. I have about 10 more minutes until I need to get going.

I had horrible dreams last night. All about my Dad. I dreamt he was sleeping and he was very restless and not comfortable. Aparently, that is what his night actually was like. In the dream, there wasn't anything I could do. Hrm. Currently, there isn't anything I can do.

Today, I was talking to a friend who lost her mother. She asked if I had anything else I needed to say to Dad. I don't feel I do. I feel he taught me to love and to value people, and that he and I are in a good place. For a while, we had rough times, but gosh, that was close to 20 years ago. When I left last week, I thought saying goodbye to him might be "goodbye." If I get back again to see him again, I will be thrilled. Of course, I want him to stick around. I don't know what's possible though. I want to be optimistic.... Sigh.


I think my stomach was just stressed. I imagine it will be on and off again for a while.

I would prefer the stress please.

My stomach feels funny.

I'm hoping it's stress. My stomach has been feeling sort of funny for a week or so. It all started when I was home visiting Dad. When I got back and oNe was sick, I freaked out too. Now, I am at the tail end of the incubation period, and we'll see what happens. Within 12 hours we'll know.

Isn't this exciting? (NOT!) Send good thoughts to me that it's just stress!

everywhere

Germs.

N3nny's husband threw up today. I'm on high germ-alert.

If we get sick, my weight will probably hit the weight I was at my wedding. Someday, I'll do a post reflecting on the benefits of Zumba, but not today.

I just searched, but I can't find the post where I said I wanted to lose another inch off my hips and 2 off my stomach. I *thought* I wrote that. I know I told my friend C that. I think I have achieved that with Zumba.

Now, I want another 2 inches off my stomach, and if I never lose another inch off my hips, it won't matter that much. I'm okay with my hips. Most likely though, if I lose 2 more inches off my stomach, I'll end up losing another inch off the hips. It'll probably take a LONG time to make all this happen. It's okay. I LIKE to workout.

I might even get certified to teach Zumba. Crazy! I've danced a lot, I could do it. I would like to do my own choreography. I like some of the straight Zumba choreography, but I love my Zumba teacher's choreography. She is an amazing dancer. AMAZING.

---

In other news, twoK now eats peas and doesn't complain too much. Click here if you want to read more about the journey of getting twoK to eat peas.

---

Three-a has slept with twoK in her bed for 2 nights now. On Saturday, all the girls slept in the "sleeping quarters room." On Sunday, we moved twoK's bed into the room where Three-a currently sleeps to help control the contagion that oNe brought home. Three-a slept with twoK on Sunday night, but Monday night, she slept in her crib while twoK slept in the bed in the same room. Tonight, we moved twoK's bed back to the sleeping quarters room and we'll see where Three-a sleeps. I'd like them to sleep in there eventually, but whenever.

Whoa.

It's almost Thanksgiving. Whoa. How can it be? And then, it's almost Christmas. Good grief. Someone please slow time down. Please?

We have no plans for Thursday and I'm good with that! We'll play at the park with the girls and make some food. We used to make fajitas for Thanksgiving. We did it many years and thought it was our tradition. Last year, we ate with friends and didn't eat turkey, but we didn't have fajitas either. We had steak (our fav kind), dressing, yams, salad, and other stuff... can't remember what all. It was a fun evening. We'll see those friends on Friday this year pending wellness (see previous post).

Oh... yea... Last year, I wrote about how much I hate going grocery shopping at Thanksgiving.... I think everyone does. In the craziness that is occurring right now, I forgot that. I guess I should plan food and get it tomorrow if I can. Sigh. Always something.

After reading the post from 2005, I feel like maybe I want to make fajitas. Hrm. Maybe.

Who knows

I don't have much hope right now. I worry that we'll all be throwing up by Wednesday. oNe threw up some more last night. She never woke MWH or me. She is self-sufficient. It is pretty darn amazing.

My Dad is out of the hospital. We'll know more about how he's doing in the next couple of days too.

I am thankful that the project at work is done for now. I have a lot of work I could be doing, but none that is critical this week. I'm doing stuff with my class, but trying to be Mommy, not so much at work.

And now for something different....

oNe is sick. She had a cold...or so we thought, but now she threw up. Hopefully it was the cold that caused the throwing up and not an ugly norovirus. UGH. Ugh... Ugh!

Sigh

Dad is already not eating/drinking enough. This will spiral downward. I am sad. So very sad. I know my Mom is more sad. Think good thoughts for her (and the rest of the family). Send my Dad good thoughts to eat and drink. Again, sigh.

Things that are random...

1. I am back from visiting Dad. I wish I could be in both places at once. It's hard having your heart split in two places.

2. Dad's numbers look a little better (again) this morning. If we can keep him eating, drinking, moving and taking his medicine, he could be stable for a while. Unfortunately, it's a big IF. It's up to him and the people around him.

I wish I could be there... I'm good at getting food/drink/medicine into people/animals. I did this for about 2 years for Beloved Kitty and the same tricks I learned for Beloved Kitty would work for my Dad. It sounds bad to compare my Dad to Beloved Kitty, but it's actually a very appropriate comparison. I learned a lot from Beloved Kitty and that knowledge may help my Dad. The doctors/nurses thought everything I said was right on and the best thing we could do... Given the limits of medicine, I agree. I wish we could do more, but what I am proposing, which is not at all radical, is what I believe is best given the knowledge/technology/medicine we currently have. I wish we had more knowledge/technology/medicine. We're working on it.

3. I am feeling more expertise around my own work. I love the class I'm teaching this fall. It has been really helpful for me. I love getting to watch the students sink their teeth into the material and start to think about it in really deep ways--this is why I LOVE to teach.

4. Even in the winter, my skin looks better where I grew up than where I currently live. I thought it was just a summer thing. Maybe it's the lighting in Mom's bathroom that is "good for my skin." More data will be collected.

5. I am so glad to be home with my fam... MWH and the little girls make me so happy. See #1 though... I am sad I can't be both places at once.

Sigh.

Friday?

Still confused about days and time. All no fun. We're trying to make
decisions about what is best as the next step. We know hospice will
start soon, but should it start now or in 2 weeks?

Oh the little decisions are agonizing.

Sent from my iPhone

time

I'm so confused about time right now. I'm still trying to do a little work while I'm visiting Dad and work is in a different time zone. I'm constantly translating what time is it here versus there. Then, here, at night it's getting dark REALLY early. Maybe it's not that early but when you think it's earlier than it is (my own home time zone is earlier) versus what time it is HERE, it's really confusing.

Are you confused?

Moving on and a warning that you should STOP now if you don't want to read depressing stuff.

My family is full of engineers and researchers and we all HATE how powerless we are to help Dad. We feel there should be something we can do, but there isn't. Yesterday, we spoke with the doctor and all agreed to something... Today, we learned some different (better) news... Now we're re-thinking and trying to figure out new things. Oh, the roller coaster. I feel like I kind of know what needs to occur, but we need to make sure it's right. My Dad has to agree too. We're working on it.

Wow, all of the above was written before 2 pm and now it's already almost 11 pm here. Dad had an okay day... In some ways a little better than yesterday (only very slight) and in some ways, maybe not as good. I don't know. The family almost has a plan. We'll see if the plan stays the same tomorrow or not. Actually, we did kind of make a couple of back-up plans, so most likely things won't change too much. What is left to be determined is the timing of everything. Oh, geez, this is hard. Dad will periodically cry and get very upset that he's going to die.

A friend just lost a grandmother and he was telling me how his grandmother met death very stoically. She never cried nor fussed. She just quietly said she wanted no more treatment, went home on hospice, and then died about 4 days later. I'm glad Dad can tell us how he's feeling and how he's scared, but it's so sad. He doesn't want to miss out on anything. He knows life will go on without him and it makes him sad. The good news is that Dad doesn't have much pain. He is uncomfortable sometimes, but not in "pain." There is a difference.

We spoke to two hospice organizations today. We're tired. Dad's more tired, but it is hard for everyone. At this particular moment, I'm very glad to have siblings. They are super.

big blur (edited)

I am visiting Dad. So far, the trip is a big blur of time and emotions. Today's been a LONG day. I have written a lot today, but I don't know if I'll publish it. I am so overwhelmed. I just want to curl up and sleep... bleh. I have some work to do now. I miss the little girls and MWH. Sigh.

Edited to add:
Yes, I came early to visit him. He started throwing up on Saturday and they couldn't get him to stop... Sunday night they admitted him to the hospital. Ugh. He got a blood transfusion and lots of drugs. I don't know how long he'll be in the hospital. We'll talk with his doctor and learn more tomorrow.

Lots

1. The Zumba thing was lots of fun. My stomach is sore. The muscles are sore and I feel slightly queasy. I worked out hard. I am not as hungry as I expected I would be. I am also less sore and tired than I figured I would be today--that's good.

When I do Zumba, I always wonder if the instructors have to take their shirts off to be in their little workout tops by a certain song during the workout... Are they told, "Okay, by song #2, make sure you've taken off your jacket. By song #3 you need to remove your tank top and be in your sports bra." Are the rules around this covered in the Zumba Instructor training?


2. On a completely different note, my Dad is not doing well. It is so hard to hear about how things are going. My Dad... He's supposed to be strong, healthy, stubborn, and funny. He's not supposed to be sick and weak. Even though he's been years before, it was NOTHING like this. I don't have the words to write about it all, and I don't want to do it right now. We aren't good at thinking about death and old age.


3. I'll be going to see my father on Wednesday. I am glad I am going, but I don't think it will be a whole lot of fun.


4. It's hard to think of anything else to really write about. I seem to always come back to my father and I am lacking words.

I can fly...

The little girls have discovered Peter Pan. They are a little obsessed. The Lion King is still pretty popular, but now there are letters written to Peter Pan and Tinkerbell and lots new pretend.

Grape seeds

Yep, I'm on a pro-grape seed kick. I accidentally bought some seeded grapes. oNe freaked out about them when I sent them (unknowingly) in her lunch. I googled and found just how good the grape seed is. She's not buying it, but I am eating them with gusto. I think they are an anti-aging thing. I'm sure I'll write more about them soon.

Remember when I googled about watermelon seeds. Can you imagine what I must be like as a mother? I'm not sure honey, let's go look it up. How annoying I must be! The little girls all know and love the Internet already. They do think of it as all knowing. I'm working on getting them to understand it. They already do in their own digital native ways.... I'll write more about that later.

What else......I get a moment... A moment before going to a very fun thing for ME! It's a special Zumba thing. I'm excited about it, but I'm a little worried about how TIRED I am going into it. I'll go get some coffee and that will help... hrmmmmm... Maybe I need to cut this short and go get coffee now. Probably should... More soon.

(Perhaps I should have just called this post, MORE SOON.... Heh.)

we don't know

We don't know what the prognosis, in terms of how long, is for my father, but he's not happy in the nursing home. Duh. I am now researching hospice and home health care services. It's no fun, but hopefully I can figure out a way to help him be at home. Oh, how much this sucks. I am putting on my vulcan ears* and trying not to cry.












*No, I don't actually have a pair of vulcan ears.

exhale

I'm going to visit Dad next week. I am worried. I am going to work on figuring out what it will take to get him home with home health care. Sigh.

Speaking of Vulcans...

MWH and me have talked about watching all of STTNG (that's Star Trek: The Next Generation for all of you non-Trekkie folks) as soon as I'm done with my class this semester. I hope he still wants to do it. I really want to... It's not hard to talk MWH into watching sci-fi, so I think I'm good.

I'm feeling more in touch with my inner geek. Woo!

Recovering.... (almost!)

My big class thing is over for a moment. Still need to do a little more work on the big proposal... I'm hoping I can take it a bit easier this weekend... (Whoa.... What a concept.)

That's confusing!

This event, will identify me to my students if they happen to stumble across this post. If any of you read this (M, S, S, B, or T), let me know. I don't think you will, but who knows you might google "quack, conference, speaker, confusing" some day. I think the chances of this are low. The blogosphere is a big, fairly anonymous space. Maybe this post will disappear in a few days....

The scene: A quiet conference session. The speaker presenting on a very serious topic. She's a young researcher and as a speaker, she's young, shaking, and nervous. My phone rings. The ring is a quack. It is rather loud. I scramble to turn it off., but my phone keeps quacking. The rings go on forever (okay, it was probably only 3 seconds). I turn off the ringer. The speaker is distracted. She says, "That's confusing." I turn 17 shades of red.

The chair of the session is a woman I greatly respect. She doesn't really know me, I think I've met her, but I'm not sure, and if we met I don't think she remembers me (and now I really hope she doesn't!), but still, I feel awful and like I've lost "points" in her eyes. Hopefully she can't read my name tag... There are worse things in life than a quacking phone in a quiet conference session. Heh. I am also embarrassed because my students are seeing me set a really good example for them. D'oh.

I use the quacking phone as a teachable moment after the session to point out this concept and tell them about this book. I explain how the technology should be a little better to make it more obvious which mode my phone is in (mute or ringer on). One of my students tells me I'd make a great Vulcan. I tell him thank you and take it as a compliment.

Yes, we can all agree, I am a geek.

The cool kids

All the cool kids are doing it.

Swistle
and the guy who started it


Below is a link to my photo. Leave me a comment if you're doing it on your blog or if you don't have a blog and would like to do it. Or, leave me a comment if you'd like to do it, but it wouldn't be appropriate to do on your blog.




Note the comic book print on the photo. I chose it to emphasize the ridiculous nature of this vote.
The photo.


Yea, I usually don't go all political on you do I? Saying yes to prop 8 just doesn't make sense to me at all.

Happy and busy!

I'm thrilled about the presidential race.

I'm less than happy about one of the ways our state voted on something BIG. Something that really shouldn't be an issue one of the blogs I read discussed it and I agree with what she said. And I'm tired and busy.

I did a great Zumba class tonight to try out a new teacher. Did I tell you I want to get certified to teach Zumba? I <3 it that much. I will most likely do that in Spring 2009 when my plate is a little clearer.

Must go grade papers. Teaching grad students is great. The papers are a delight to read.

Light and fluffy

Like a marshmallow.

Yea, I'm worried about tomorrow. I want change.


Moving on because this is light and fluffy!

1. I like my hair better than when I first got it cut. I think I'll like it a lot more in a couple more weeks, but right now it is pretty good. When I first got it cut it was a little short for even me, but now I feel a little less shocked when I look in the mirror.

2. I'm on a quest for the perfect workout pants. I got some today... they are okay... I'm not sure what I want exactly, but these are not the perfect pants. Maybe I'll go to another store tomorrow... (boring)

3. At the recreation center near our house they are offering a new "Join the Circus" class. It's for kids ages 6-12. You can bet I'll be signing up my 3 little clowns in 3 years (if the class is still being offered). (The class is very appropriate for the girls given the tagline of this blog. Heh.)

4. Upcoming work travel and going back to see my Dad too. Ugh. I want to do both trips, but I also don't want to leave. You know. (I guess this one isn't light and fluffy.)

5. There is a huge Zumba thing coming up. I. am. so. excited. Woo!

6. MWH is wonderful. We laugh so much. Tonight we were laughing about "that." Literally the word that had us cracking up. He's perfect for me. I believe he finds me pretty well-suited to him as well.

7. I finally ordered some more of my favorite moisturizer from DHC. Apparently, it does work a little. My "fine lines" were starting to look less fine and more deep. I think they look a little "finer" now.

I had tears...

When I watched this video. It is so funny. I showed it to MWH and he howled and had tears in his eyes too.

I could actually use it in my classes as a demonstration of perception...

It's easy to imagine this is the first time these players are playing with the binoculars. How long would it take for them to learn to play with them? Would there be an effect of age? Would kids of different ages show different abilities to adapt? Heh... We professor types know how to turn almost anything into something boring, eh?

Every once in a while...

I go all freaky-green on you. Remember this?

Go check out my new favorite cleaning web site!

I just cleaned the bathroom floor with this and vinegar and water and then Hydrogen Peroxide. The grout isn't all the way dry, but some it is mostly dry and it looks FABULOUS.

I usually clean the grout with a Magic Eraser once every few months, but then I freak out about Melamine Foam.... (You know... this stuff...the dog food and the infant formula I don't think it's the same, exactly... I need a chemist... MWH help me out here...) but still, the name, it makes me worry. Since, I would like to use less chemical-y stuff, decided to give vinegar and Hydrogen Peroxide a try. It was a lot of work, but so is cleaning all the grout with the Magic Eraser.

Anyway... There you go. Green cleaning fun.


(Yea, I have a lot of work to do for work. You know you have a lot of work to do for work when you start cleaning. Heh.)

Halloween

It was a fun day. An overwhelming and busy day, but a fun one. We had dinner with our neighbors and then went trick-or-treating. We did the same thing last year. I like our neighbors. I think I've written about them in the past, but I'm too lazy to go find the posts. We went to a post-Halloween party today. It was fun too.

On another note, I have so much work to do. I'm a little in denial about it.

Oh! My friend who was pregnant with twins... had them! On Halloween! Two little jack-o-lanterns, or maybe a jack-o-lantern and a jill-o-lantern. How fun is that? They are little! They are precious and sweet. I went to see them today. I am thrilled for her. She was very worried through the pregnancy. She seems more relaxed and calm already.

What else? twoK and Three-a play so well together. Tonight, twoK and oNe are sleeping in oNe's bed and Three-a is sleeping in twoK's bed. It won't be long until Three-a will be in the room all the time. Crazy!

It's not totally different, but...

I do feel better. I was starting to worry that I'd always feel depressed. I am feeling a little better. (see post 2 days ago.)

Halloween is kicking me in the ...

tail.

I'm a black cat this Halloween... (in remembrance of Beloved Kitty)

We had preschool and Pre-K parties. We had first-grade too. MWH went to first-grade, but he was all twitchy about wanting to get back to work. Work, shmork. It's Halloween.

I've had a couple of crying meltdowns. It all started because we didn't have eggs last night. Having a nanny is great sometimes and other times it isn't. It's NOT a big deal, but I was very frustrated today. Bleh. Maybe someday I won't be overwhelmed. I thought I was doing okay until today--not great, but okay, however I am certain I am not doing well.

Now I feel like I am a loser. What would a loser wear for Halloween?

I think the 3 little girls are having a good day. I just put two of them down for a nap. oNe is out creating angel wings for her kitty to wear. He's going to love wearing them... NOT. Heh.

Okay... I should do a teeny bit of work while I can.

I don't think

I don't think tomorrow will be magically different, but I think it will be better than today.

Today marks the day my friend died one year ago. So many people miss her. I was very sad on the one year anniversary of when she had her stroke. I am even more sad today.

The day she collapsed was the day she stopped being. An email I received early after she collapsed told me there was little brain stem activity. Little brain stem activity meant there was really nothing left. We all hoped, but we all knew that unless there was a miracle she would never be again. (Almost all of her friends study the brain in some way, direct or indirect. We knew.) So even though I knew she was gone the day she collapsed, I still find the day her body was taken off of life support to be a very sad day. I don't understand why I find it so sad because, logically, I know the day she collapsed was the day she ceased to be.

Is this making sense? Probably not. There really isn't logic here. It's emotion. I just miss her.

I am sad for the loss of my friend. I don't understand. She was young, looked like she was in good shape, ate healthy food, active, smart, a "good" person, a Mom... How can she be gone? I don't know if I'll ever understand. That sounds kind of dramatic, but again, it's emotion and I don't have to have a good logical reason. We all experience thing that make NO sense. This makes no sense to me.

To counteract

To counteract the NEGATIVE post below, I will tell you yesterday was a VERY fun day! MWH and I surprised the girls and took them to a Pumpkin Patch! (oNe had a day off from school.)

There were pony rides! Bouncy houses! Train rides! Lots to see and do! It was fun! The weather was very "FALL" weather. It was cool but not cold. It was a lovely day. I think the girls had a lot of fun! Pictures will appear on the other blog soon.

will be glad

1. I will be glad when the election is over. I am tired of worrying and wondering. I will vote. I hope you all vote. I hope things to make an improvement in our lives. I can't worry much more though.

2. I will be glad when we re-submit this thing. It is so frustrating that we have to re-do it. It should be under way right now, but I do think the timing is better to start next year. Doing this kind of thing, even in "low stress mode" creates anxiety. You're putting your work out there to be scrutinized so that others may decide your fate. Bleh.

I've been trying to explain to oNe what I'm doing. She says, "so tell them you're really nice and they should give you the funding." Heh.

Oh... on that post I linked to, it talks about how I might teach for OLU... I am teaching for OLU. I do like it. I am glad I did it. It's a lot of work, but I love what we're doing and studying and how it all works at OLU. I hope I get to do it again next fall.

3. I will be glad when my trip for OLU is over in November. It comes during the week oNe has two days off from school. Technically, I don't have to stay at all after the first day at OLU, but I want to stay at least one day... I can't decide about the rest of the trip... How long do I stay?

4. I will be glad when Thanksgiving break is here! (It's soooo soon!)

5. I will be glad when the cabinet maker emails me back about putting in our cabinets!

how come?

How come no one told me about this?

I like it better than the original.

I love the chickens just back from the shore.

Time...

We got more bad news today about my Dad and his kidneys. I still have questions, but I am guessing the doctor probably knows what he's talking about... It's just not good. It's very bad. I kind of knew how bad it most likely was from the blood work we have been getting, but I did go with a little bit of denial...

At some point, body parts start to fail. We haven't quite figured out how to help some medical issues. Maybe at some point we will. Dad's parts are failing. I. am. so. sad. I don't know "how long," probably no one knows exactly. I haven't asked. At some point we'll have more indication of "how long." My Mom is very, very, very, very sad. She has spent more years being married to him than many people live. That's the good. The bad is no matter how long, it is never enough.

Last night and this morning...

Last night, our cat C came to bed with fuzzies all over his face. MWH turned to me and said we've got to vacuum. C has been attacked by a dustbunny.

It was true. Poor C.

This morning, Alfr2d cleaned our room. Now I have to sort through several piles of paper that I picked up from the floor and placed on our bed so that Alfr2d could clean.

a cup of coffee

I was very grumpy yesterday.

Part of the reason was my morning section of my class.

In an effort to cheer myself up I got my hair cut very short (for me).
I had the world's BEST iced coffee (I didn't set out to, but it was a great blend).
I did Zumba.
The second section of my class went really well. I was pleased and I learned something about making what I want to happen happen.


I feel somewhat better today. I am still very worried about my Dad. He is scheduled to move to a nursing home. I am very sad.


Today we are scheduled to go to a Halloween Party. Little girls should be cute. Today we will have one bride and two black kitties. On Halloween we are supposed to have one bride, one black kitty and one skeleton.

twoK is learning all about our solar system. Two years ago oNe made this picture. I'll have to take pictures of twoK's work and post it. I know I'll post it on "the other" blog. I'm not sure if I'll post it here. Let me know if you want access to the other blog.

Three-a is sooooo learning her letters. I love it! When she hears a word that starts with s, she makes a squiggly line in the air with her finger.

GRUMPY

ME.

Best to not blog right now.

up down up down up down

The title reflects my emotions. They are related to a myriad of things.
(work, Dad, election, identity, sleep, oNe's class)

This will be a short post because I don't have any actual NEW information on my Dad. Well, I guess I do. He's most likely getting moved to a nursing home next week. We haven't given up hope that he could still recover enough to come home, but it's going to be harder if he's not getting physical therapy and occupational therapy every day.

My Mom finally spoke to someone (a doctor) who gave her a good opinion about whether Dad should/would get dialysis soon. This doctor was very knowledgeable about the kidneys but not actually a nephrologist and thought Dad probably wouldn't get dialysis until his kidney levels were a bit higher than they are now (when the C hits around 6). I'm not sure I think his is a good thing, but for some reason, they aren't asking my opinion. Mom didn't ask one of the questions I had, but maybe I can talk with someone else about my question.

Mom is working hard to figure things out for him. Keep thinking good thoughts for him.

Okay... Most go get ready for bed. Early class in the morning.

What else am I forgetting??

I forgot picture day at preschool today. twoK and Three-a were dressed in normal preschool/preK clothes today. That means, they were kind of "oldish" clothes. Perhaps even with a stain or two on the shirts... This preschool/preK doesn't believe in putting aprons on the kids when they paint. I send them to school in "pre-stained" clothes so that I don't have to be upset when they come home stained. You know, the first stain is always the worst.

Anyway, I'm really busy. I'm really stressed.

Right now, they are meeting about my father to determine "his fate." Okay, that's not what they are saying, but that's what is happening. They are figuring out whether he'll go in the hospital (I think he needs some dialysis) or if he goes to a nursing home. I am so hoping he goes to the hospital. He needs dialysis to feel better. He needs to feel better to eat more. He needs to eat more to get stronger. (Did I tell you he's lost 10 pounds in the last couple of weeks?) The rehabilitation center says he's not working hard enough. Dammit, of course he's not. His kidneys are NOT doing their job. His body is full of toxins. The toxins are keeping him from wanting to eat. The not eating is making him weaker and waste away. The wasting away is contributing to muscle loss and thus his kidneys have even a HARDER job.

Okay. Whew. Keep your fingers crossed that Dad gets to go get dialysis.

I'm working on our old proposal... I'll link back to a reference to it later.

My students are writing their papers and I almost insist that they iterate with me. This makes it a lot more work for me, but I feel it helps them significantly.

Okay... back to work for me.

New addiction

I love these!

I love the fact that they are called "Oh My!"

They are super yummy.

They are good for me!

Gardening

These peppers* are too funny.


*Feel free to say Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers... or change the double p to other letters. Your call.



(Still being G-rated over here... Just sharing some pictures of peppers.)

More on friends

But this time, it's about me.

I have some fabulous friends. They know who they are! My closest ones read this blog. In my class this fall, there's a woman who is a LOT like me. Last semester, I made a friend of one of my students. We hang and get coffee and talk on IM quite a bit. I really like her. It's fun when a student can become a friend. I felt a little odd since she was an undergraduate, but she's close to my age... (Less than 10 years... I'm not sure exactly, but I think she's 8.5 years younger than me. She's 30-something.)

Anyway, the student this semester is about 9 years older than me, but I really like how she's thinking and what she's doing. She has a daughter who is a year older than oNe. I imagine she will be my friend after the class. At the very least, I want to go down and visit her at her University (she's in another city) and see how she's using the technology she uses in her classes. Maybe it would be a trip with the family and oNe and her daughter could meet and play. I think her daughter and oNe would have fun.

There's two other women at oNe's school. Most mornings we chat. I like them both a lot. I haven't made very many friends with other Moms besides the group I joined right after oNe was born. I think both of them will probably become friends.... One of them lives VERY close to me and I should probably call her up and set up a play date. She has 3 boys and we have 3 girls... The other woman has 4 boys.

---

Of course, when I think about friends, I think about my friend who died. She died about a year ago... Actually on the 30th of this month. I have heard that it usually gets a little easier after the first year is over. I know it's a little easier than it was last November. Last November was awful. I was pretty much a zombie. I still miss her a great deal. It still feels like it can't possibly be real that she's gone. I keep thinking she's gone on a trip or something. I can't bring myself to delete her phone number from my cell phone.

I've tried to keep in touch with her husband, but he doesn't seem to want anything from me. I'm not that surprised. I was her friend. I liked him and he liked me, but we weren't the friends. Does that make sense? I think I'll go email him right now.

What's next?

Dad saw the surgeon today. The surgeon is pleased with the healing. The surgeon is not commenting on the poor functioning of Dad's kidneys. I am very displeased with the care that Dad is getting and the lack of commitment of the doctors. I guess, "it's not their job." The surgeon wasn't Dad's doctor, he was "the surgeon." Dad's "doctor" is the doctor at the Care Center where Dad is. This all sucks. I think for the most part, people believe that at a certain age, there's just not much more you can do.... I think Dad still has some kick left, but he's going to need quite a bit of help, but I'm not sure they are going to help him enough.

So anyway, Dad's kidney levels are still high and Mom is very sad. He had a decent day a couple of days ago, but now he's bad again. Recently, I thought maybe he was doing better (I can't remember when that was... it's all a little blurry.) We'll see what tomorrow brings. Today, one of my brothers told Mom, "Dad may not get to come home." I had a dream where another one of my brothers and I discussed Dad's likelihood of going home and we'd reached the same conclusion. It made me sad, but I wrote it off as a dream. Bleh.

I think I should probably book a trip home to see him and Mom soon. Big sigh. Dad is supposed to be home watching TV and being grumpy about something. Maybe cooking some spaghetti... Taking care of Mom. Just hanging out.

conference report

The fall conference is the "boring" conference. They just tell you how your child is "adjusting" to school. Both twoK and Three-a are doing great adjusting.

twoK's teacher characterized her as doing all of the activities, a little stubborn (I said that was a polite way to say it) and very talkative with the grown-ups. twoK doesn't have any "good friends" at school yet, but doesn't seem to mind. When I asked twoK about this, she said, she liked one girl and that girl liked twoK the day twoK was wearing the "sparkly princess shirt," but then that girl was friends with someone else and didn't want to play anymore. Ah, the joys of being a young girl.

Three-a's teacher described her as mellow, gentle, and very happy. I agree except for the gentle part. Three-a is sooooo happy. Three-a's teacher also said that Three-a doesn't really have any "good friends" yet. She said Three-a is very happy playing by herself.

I think the 3 little girls like their sisters so much they don't really have a huge need for other friends. I don't know if this is good or bad, or just how it is. When I was a kid, I didn't have siblings my own age so I did want friends.... kind of desperately in fact. I'm glad they don't have that problem. They have so much fun with each other. Right now, they are deeply involved playing a game about Lions (remember, Lion King is the obsession right now). They are all crawling around and I am sitting here on the couch. They don't want me involved, but they do want me near. Works well in my opinion.

Despite the fact that I am happy with how the interactions go around here, I'd love to hear thoughts from you all about this. What do you think?

need a new word

I need a new word for tired. I use exhausted a lot. I'm tired of all of the word for tired. I don't like the word worn-out. Bleh.

I just did a bit of work and now, I am going to take the rest of the afternoon OFF. I get to go to twoK and Three-a's school conferences. I am excited to hear how they are doing.

I don't think I told you about oNe's. It was last week. I'm in the classroom so much that it seems silly to have a conference, but Ms. FG did show some more of oNe's work and it was fun to talk about oNe. She's doing well. She's very "good" at school and is helpful. I don't know exactly where she is academically--know she's doing well. The school we attend has a lot of very smart kids. It's a public school, but it is a really good one. Sometimes I feel they could do more, but sometimes I think it's all good. I really like Ms. FG.

Okay... I'm going to go get some more coffee.

blogs

I've got 3 blogs going again.... This summer I was doing 3... One with my students, one for our family (grandparents) and this one... Now I'm doing 3 again... a first-grade one (fun!), this one, and our family one. Whew. And I'm teaching... Did I tell you I did like 40-some posts in our class discussion last week? Granted, they weren't LONG posts, but they were thoughtful. And I did lots of emails. And I went through 5 paper drafts. And we're working on two proposals? I'm guess I am only working on one right now... but I need to work on the other one.

I'm feeling a little, um, stretched thin.

Dad update.... it's a roller coaster. Two days ago it was awful, then yesterday it wasn't bad. Today was not as good as yesterday, but his kidney function numbers look slightly better. He's stubborn and doesn't always cooperate with the Physical Therapists. When a 190 pound man doesn't want to cooperate, it's hard.


More soon. Must go work on proposals.

Kindergarten babies

As oNe and I walked to her classroom other morning, we passed the kindergarten rooms and oNe said, "Kindergarten babies."

She's a big first grader now. Heh.

Probably

I'm probably just tired. I feel bleh. I should probably go take a quick shower and go to bed. Sleep helps.

Tonight, oNe asked me about my friend who died last year. I've been thinking a lot about that friend. I can't believe it's been almost a year. It still seems impossible to believe. I remember the night I heard she had suffered a stroke. I couldn't even really understand the words. The words made no sense when said near my friend's name.

Okay...

Yea, I should probably go to sleep.

Okay, I'll end on a cheerier note.

I tried a new Zumba class yesterday with a different teacher. It was pretty good, but not as good as my regular class, but if I can, I'll do 6 workouts this week. I'd be most impressed with myself. We'll see what happens. (My goal is to get about 8 hours of exercise a week. I'm currently at 4-5. I was at 5 until they canceled the Zumba class I liked on Saturdays. Bleh.)

I need to add lifting weights in the routine (again). I kept this up until I discovered Zumba. Then Zumba won. (Did I mention I <3 Zumba?) I need to do more weights. (I did do 3 or 4 minutes this morning and then the weights in aerobics class tonight, so today, I'm covered.)

(I think I want MWH and I to go see this trainer at the gym we go to. The trainer is supposed to be fabulous. I need a little butt-kicking to make myself lift. Part of it is that I'm not sure what I should be doing. I need more ideas! I have some videos, and I should do those, but I do prefer to be in a class. Maybe I should take a toning class... Hrm... )

I also want to take a yoga class, but I've never really done yoga and I feel like I don't know what to do. I think I'll watch a little of one on Friday and see what I think. That's a good start. Observing.


Okay... sleep now! (errr... shower and then sleep)

pretty please...

Three-a has started asking us to say "Pretty please" when we want something. For example, me, "Three-a please come here so I can brush your hair." Three-a: "Say pretty please. Me: "Pretty please, come here." Three-a: "I can't hear you. A little louder."

cute shoes

Three-a's new crocs. She wanted to wear them with her ruffly socks.

Brains

I just found this site.

Love it.

Check out these videos about the importance of exercise for the brain. There are 11 *SHORT* segments. Watch them all please.

high

Dad's creatinine is high. This isn't good. His kidneys are not working properly. I'm waiting until tomorrow to hear more. I am freaking out, but trying not to freak. I probably need to go see him again soon. Today he was telling Mom how he'd lived a long time and had a good life.

Count Down

It's almost our anniversary! 10 years!

MWH and I will go away for the _whole_night. Together. Woot.

twoK (4.25) asked to print a calendar off the web (from Starfall) for October and she's crossing off the days. She's very excited about Halloween. Today, she asked me if Daddy and I had packed for our evening away for our anniversary. She knows it's coming up this week and she thinks I should get ready. (Is that cute or what???)

For the anniversary, we're planning to stay at a really cool (and Green!) new hotel then go to a science museum and walk around and be geeky together on the actual anniversary. A friend laughed when I told her. It makes perfect sense to us. We both love science and we love each other. This friend didn't seem to think it was romantic or relaxing enough for an anniversary. It will be fun!

Today was oNe's parent/teacher conference and the teacher told us how much oNe loved science. Hrm. Where does she get that? She also was impressed with oNe's math abilities. She gets that from MWH. I'm okay in math, but he's our math genius. Go oNe. Be just like Daddy in regards to math!

Three-a wore some jeans to school today. They were oNe's and it is so strange to think Three-a is as big as oNe was when oNe wore the jeans. When oNe was 3, she seemed so BIG. oNe was the first kid and we needed her to be big. Now, with Three-a, we don't need her to be big because she is the baby. She'll always be little. She seems so little. Especially compared to oNe.

What else...

Oh yea, I want to do a kitties post, but not today. And I owe you a staples post. (I know you've been waiting for it. Almost.)

Oh..... one more. OLU called today. It was an automated message explaining it was a test of the "emergency communication system." My favorite part of the message was when it said, "If you don't receive this via email, phone or IM, log in and change your settings." Ummmm? Hrmmm? Maybe they need to re-think their message and the logic.

The homework

Miss FG emailed me back and told me not to worry about the homework I forgot to turn in for oNe. Apparently, it will be okay and I didn't ruin her entire future.