LoveLoveLove

I love Love Thursday!

I give you brotherly love.

These two guys were great friends. The one with his eyes open was my boy for a very long time, but he's no longer with us. I miss him every day. He was my special guy. The one kissing him is still our boy and has 3 little sisters to chase him around.


I love black kitties. Here are two more.

Photos were taken in 2004

Diagnosis... BIG head

You may remember that after T's 1 year doctor's visit we had to schedule a follow-up appointment. I didn't want to talk about it because I was worried.

Today we had the follow-up. The follow-up was a CT scan. T's head was measuring very large (>100th percentile for her age). It has been going up in size. I think she was 40-50% when born... then 50, 60, 75... then 100. We were seeing a substitute doctor. She was alarmed. She freaked me out. I'd already googled large head and found associations between large head and autism. She wasn't concerned about that. She was concerned about macrocephaly being caused by hydrocephalus (excessive fluid in the brain or in the head creating pressure). Okay... Freak me out A LOT.

I read EVERYTHING. T had NO symptoms. Her fontanelle was closed and not bulging, her eyes were not being pushed down. She was having problems walking, and falling a lot, but SHE JUST LEARNED TO WALK 3 weeks ago. She's supposed to fall.

The most reassuring thing I read was "As a rule of thumb, a newborn's head is usually about 2 centimeters larger than the chest size. Between 6 months and 2 years, both measurements are about equal. After 2 years, the chest size becomes larger than the head." (That's on the page that describes macrocephaly.)

Her head and chest measured the same. I didn't talk to the doctor about that before the procedure because I felt like if we didn't do the procedure we'd always be wondering. I know there is risk of radiation exposure to a CT scan, but we felt like it was important to know. I feel terrible that we needlessly exposed our baby to radiation, but we do know now that she is not suffering from hydrocephaly and can relax a teeny bit now.

I read everything I could about CT and decided the best thing we could do would be to make it so she was still during the procedure. I got the appointment scheduled around her nap time. I gave her bendadryl (as the pediatrician recommended). My husband and I went to the appointment today and we got her asleep RIGHT as they called us back. It was hard transferring her to the table, (she wanted to be held) but once she was in position she stayed still during the CT and she slept the entire time. It didn't take very long.

Our exposure to the radiation was probably as minimal as we could have gotten it since she stayed still and they didn't have to do anything twice. We left and about 2 hours later the doctor called to tell me that her scan was normal. Whew. Big sigh of relief.

Brooke said all of things I'm feeling right now so eloquently. Nino picked up on the thought... It's so true. I love my girls and my life. I never forget how precious they are to me. I never take them forgranted. I sometimes blog about things that drive me crazy and poke fun of other things, but I do it because if I didn't... You'd all gag. I LOVE my little girls. I am so grateful that they are happy and healthy and trouble makers. I LOVE THEM. I love the fact that they challenge me. I love the fact that they are strong-willed. If I ever complain too much, tell me to suck it up. I am lucky. (All credit goes to Nino for that term.)

It's funny because her head does not look big. Everyone I've told about the large measurement is shocked... "Really," they ask? "She looks like she has a nice sized head. You don't think BIG HEAD when you see her."

All of a sudden

All of a sudden Miss T looks more mature to me. She just turned one!
Her giggles are sounding older to me too.

Her 10th tooth broke through. She's working on 11 and 12. She's chewing on her fingers non-stop!
She now says "Thank you" when she hands you things.
Last night, when my husband washed her face, he said, "Ta-da" afterwards and she tried to say it too.

If she's standing and you say the word "jump" she'll start bouncing. It won't be long until she has air time!

She is obsessed with toliet paper and pulling it all off the roll. While I know this is a common thing, we were able to keep N and K from doing it. Given that N (4.5) uses the bathroom and K (27 months) is currently potty training, it's hard to keep T out of the bathroom.

Miss T loves to try to put on her sisters' shoes. Or her shoes. Or my shoes. Could I be so lucky to get two girls obsessed with shoes?

Miss T loves to try to put on clothes. It's so cute when she gets a shirt stuck on her head. She looks so pleased and walks around with it like that for a while.

She's such funny girl. She cracks herself and me up all the time!

Lies, Damn Lies and Digital Photos

Did I tell you I returned a skirt the other day? It was a 6. It was too big. It was from Target. I was so disgusted that a six was too big that I didn't buy the 4. It's called glamour sizing (thanks Nino!). I am not a 4. I am not a 6. I am an 8. I don't like corporations trying to manipulate me into buying more clothes or their clothes because the tag shows a nice size. That's what I feel when I am buying clothes these days.

We have a problem that we need to address.

Things like glamour sizing and THIS do not address the problem.

I know you can manipulate digital images in Photoshop and do this effect. This camera only brings this trick to more people without needing to know sophisticated photoshop skills. That's fine. I'm all about making technology more available to more people. I don't like the digital divide. However, this technology just is sick and wrong. I showed that web page for that camera to a friend and she said, "it's disturbing, but so appealing."

It is appealing and that is what makes it so wrong. I don't want skinny pixels in my pictures, or skinny tags on my clothing. I don't want to live a lie.

(Thanks to My Wonderful Husband for the link to the camera and the title of the entry. Maybe someday I'll get him to do a guest blog entry!)

another little rant...

I feel like I'm 80 or something... I feel like I should be shaking my fist saying, "No daughter of mine...."

Not really, but tonight in dance class, we got some new students. The new ones were about 5 or 6 teenage girls. Usually the youngest student in our class is out of college and in her 20's. Most of the people are in their 30's, a few in their 40's, a few in their 50's and probably even a few in their 60s. It's a good class. You do what you are physically able to do. You can always do more if you want. It's a challenging class.

Having teeny boppers in the class is weird.

They were overwhelmed by us I think.

Actually, they probably didn't really pay any attention to us, and we're okay with that. We didn't pay them much attention either.

Except for the girl wearing the skin tight "Juicy Couture" shirt that says, "Have a Juicy Day."

Maybe it's the lactation hormones, but I just don't think you should wear that shirt unless you can back it up with a squirt.

Cleary that was not something she was capable of doing. She was shaped very nicely and I'm quite sure she couldn't lactate.

I respect the people behind Juicy Couture. (The link takes you to a good story.) However, I think their clothes are overpriced and not that attractive (this is the part where I really start sounding like I'm 80).

(And then I continue sounding 80...) What about the idea of your daughter wearing a tight t-shirt that says that across her chest? Am I just a boring prude to think that I don't want my daughter(s) doing that?

I get that Juicy is cool, but I also just don't get it. Really, it just looks tacky to me--especially the t-shirt.

If my daughters NEED Juicy Couture, or whatever the equivalent is in 2015, how will I handle it? I'll probably let them budget their own money to buy it... but will I buy it for them? I don't know. I really like how my sister-in-law raised her daughters. She gave them a clothing allowance and told them they had to figure out how to buy all the clothes they wanted for the school year with it. She always bought them underwear and socks but they had to buy the rest. I think this teaches responsibility and budgeting.

Okay, I'm done with the rant. Let me know what you think about anything in this post.

little rant

I work in a place that is very innovative.

But it's killing me.

Seriously... We're always supposed to be coming up with new and better ideas and acting on them. ALWAYS. Sometimes you just can't do that. Do you know how tiring it is to ALWAYS be thinking of new and better ways to do things???? I AM SO TIRED. I know I am good at what I do... WHY DO I ALWAYS have to innovate.

I just had a conversation with one of the people I work with... She's totally wanting us to be more innovative... That we're boring if we don't. That we need to keep trying on new and different activities. Yea, but what about just doing the same thing and trying to innovate and improve on that one thing? Why do we have to do so many different things? Why not get really really really good at one thing??????? At moments like this I want to run to a different organization. I don't know which one, but yea... I'm tired.

I know I'm not alone in this feeling.... I know there are other places I could go and be happy. I know there are other things I could do.

I'm sure this post will disappear soon.

a day in the life

Miss K (27 months) is still coughing, but I think it's a little less. We managed to prevent coughing to the point of throwing up yesterday and we even went to the park. I hope that we can do that again today (both the park and the not throwing up).

Miss N (4.5) has a rash. It's on her left shoulder and arm, a little under her arm, and her ankles. It itches. Want to google it? My husband has been in charge of worrying about that issue and he hasn't come up with anything. I suggested Benadryl because I'm guessing it's an allergic reaction to something. I'm doing "watchful waiting." I love that term. It means just wait and see what happens because it's SUCH A PAIN to go to the doctor. At this point, it's just not worth the effort to even call the doctor.

Benadryl has a potentially positive side too. It might calm Miss N down. Have I mentioned that she has so much energy? She makes me tired just watching her. That was a saying of my Mom. I never understood it until I had N. N never stops moving. At dinner it's really annoying. She's up and down and falling off her chair and never sitting still. It's exhausting!

The one time she's calm... Can you guess? At preschool. The teachers all describe her as mellow and thoughtful. When we had her first parent-teacher conference I was in shock. It's true. It's weird. The good thing is that we at least have a good indication that she's not ADHD. She concentrates and works really hard at school and in classes (gymnastics). She's just a spaz at home.

Miss T (1!) finally got most of her birthday presents opened. Miss K helped her last night. Miss T was busy playing with the boxes and Miss K was busy playing with the toys. Just as I expected. Miss T has almost learned to walk up and down (without falling) the little steps that lead to our living room, dining room, and family room. So close. She can do it if she holds on to the wall, or if she starts to step and then lowers herself to a sitting position.

She now says choo-choo (for train), shoo-shoo (for shoe), still says duck really well (she loves them), and kitty... (Plus all the other cute things listed here.)

I leave you with one question.... HOW DID IT GET TO BE SEPTEMBER ALMOST????????

Must. stop. googling.

Enough said.

Sunday morning

Somehow I managed to carry T (1!) down the flight of steps and not fall. I plopped her down in the living room and threw myself on the couch. It was 8:15 am. I went to bed around midnight, but I was completely exhausted. I think she woke up me up when I was in the middle of a sleep cycle. My husband (MWH) and K (27 months) were asleep in our bed and N (4.5) was asleep in her room.

I was on the couch with one eye open and the other shut and dreaming while watching her for 1/2 hour. T had lots of safe distractions in the living room so it was okay (including the diaper bag her nanny takes for her--going through that is always fun!). At 8:51 I felt like I could manage standing. I opened my eyes fully and T and I went to make me hot tea. I usually have to have some hot tea before I feel I can manage to drive to get coffee. (I go buy coffee from the coffee shop each day because MWH hates the smell of it. He HATES it. No, he HATES it.)

Around 9:30 the others (N, K and MWH) were still passed out. Since my first dose of caffeine had kicked in, I scrounged up clothes for me and a cute denim jumper for T (she picked it). T and I got dressed and then we ran to the coffee shop for my second dose of caffeine. (Iced Mocha, nonfat no-whip)

It's funny to me. They recently opened two coffee shops within 30 feet of each other just a 1.5 miles from our house. One of the coffee shops is a S*t*a*r*b*u*c*k*s and the other is a local chain with much better coffee. Both are always packed. People like their caffeine! We went to the local chain.

After we got back, everyone was still asleep at 10 am. I decided T and I would take a little morning walk. I am always envious of people who are out walking in the morning. I always wish I could join them pushing my stroller. To help me complete this fantasy, T and I went out. However, within 10 minutes I realized I'm just not a morning walk kind of person. It was hot, the sun was beating down on us, and I wasn't fully awake. T and I abandoned the notion of a walk and went home. When we got home it was around 10:30 and our house had come to life.

Five assorted flavors

Is it bad to say that I feel a little relief? My parents are home. I very much enjoyed their visit, but it was hard. Again, MWH (my wonderful husband) wins an award for being amazing.

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Hide-and-go-seek. N (4.5) & K (27 months) are totally playing it all the time. It is so cute to hear K count to 10 and then say, "Ready or not, here I come." When K hides in an obvious place, N pretends she can't find K. It. is. so. unbelievably. cute. around. here.

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N (4.5) is starting to become helpful. Very very very helpful. Today she fed T (1 year) yogurt with a spoon. Again, so. unbelievably. cute. around. here. (I took video. Somday I'll get a chance to download my camera.) Then N helped me wipe T up, unbuckle her and entertain her. When T took all my pots out of the cabinet, N put them all back. Wow. I'd heard that five year olds became big helpers... If this is a preview, I'm excited!

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I promised a post about my hair... (and I know you were all sitting around waiting for it! Heh.) I told you about Decision 2006. I'm so glad I decided I was no longer growing it. I got it cut, and at first (Friday when I got it cut), I hated it. Two days later, on Sunday, I LOVED it.

I haven't had to do anything to style it since getting it cut. I wash it and let it air dry and then I spray a little styling spray on it and sort of push it back. It's not even that short, it's just a good cut! (Errrrr, nevermind that I had to do a little trimming on it to get it exactly how I wanted it. Technically, it's a great cut. The hair stylist never does exactly what I want him to do around my face, but I can manage to do it on my own.)

When I got it trimmed, I only got about 1 inch taken off the length, but it just makes such a difference. When it is just a little longer, I feel weighed down. I think it makes my face look longer and tired. It may be silly but I feel peppy and more alive when my hair is this length.

MWH told me he liked my hair better now too. He struggled for words to explain why he liked it better. I started to poke fun at him, so he stopped, ('cause he didn't want me to blog about it) but I think he likes it because it looks more natural and easy going. (I'll just put words in his mouth.) He said it looked a little "flat" on top before. I agreed.

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Okay, as fun as this is, I must turn my attention to working on a paper for work. I have a section due by Tuesday. I've actually started my section. I have 2 full pages written. I probably will end up with about 5-6 pages for this one section. And then another 5-6 pages for another section. I'm writing this paper with a couple of my colleagues. Our paper will turn into a book chapter.

I have been an author on about 5-10 chapters/articles that have been published in my field in the last 9 years. I'm not prolific at all (except here--heh), but I've gotten to be part of some nice papers. (I have some great co-authors.)

One of my biggest professional thrills was this summer, when I went to that conference, and I met a very influential woman in my field whom I greatly admire (JH). I told her how excited I was to meet her finally. We bonded for a moment because we have the same first name. I then told her how much I enjoyed her work. She said, "I greatly enjoy your work too." I almost fainted.

Bloginality

You'd think I would have other things to do with my limited time... Nope! (Waiting for Miss K (27 months) to fall asleep. SHE WON'T!)

My Bloginality is ENFP! (Although they got it wrong about consistency in my posting... I think I'm pretty darned consistent... On average 2 posts per day??? Is that not consistent? What is consistent if that's not?) (I would say I am not only consistent, but that I am addicted.)

Bad Mommy!

I think I forgot to write down that a while ago (a week or two ago--can't remember) I discovered that T (1 year) was getting her first molars. The top one on the right side is poked through, and the top one on the left almost has too. The bottom ones are all swollen.

It's never too late for love....

I just realized (call me a little slow on the uptake, or a little busy and very stressed) that Love Thursday is a weekly tradition.


At first I thought, I don't have time to post, but then I realized how much love is around me ALL. THE. TIME. It was just a matter of finding one of my favorite pictures. Here you go. Sisterly love. They love to play and hug. So. Sweet. (Photo taken in February.)

Spreading the love!


EDITED TO ADD....If you can't see the picture, let me know. I can view it in Netscape and IE, but not Safari. Seriously, let me know if you have problems. I'm just curious if any one else has problems or if it's just a Blogger --> Safari weirdness.

After the movies--a few more thoughts

Well, we're home. Everyone made it. My Mom did go to the bathroom but she did fine. Whew.

Did I mention she has really bad osteoporosis? Did I mention that she looks like a good breeze might blow her over? Did I mention she's already broken one hip (1.5 years ago)? Did I mention how amazingly resilient she seems to be? I am so pleased with how well she has recovered from the issues she's faced.

Anyway... I was thinking... Perhaps somebody needs to say to me, "You think you can do (all) these things, but you just can't." Do I try to cram too much into my life? Yea, probably.

I watched two women work full-time and try to "do it all" while I was in graduate school and early in my career. Those two women, D and J, are the reason I do not work full-time. They were FAR MORE INSANE THAN ME. Good grief, if I worked full-time I wouldn't have time to blog. How sad would that be?

Okay... More later. Off I go to enjoy the last evening of this visit with my parents. I am enjoying it. I'm just tired because it does take a lot of work.

Words don't do it justice

I can't even get the right words...

I just dropped my parents and N (4.5) off at the movies. I am freaking. I am at home now and have to leave to go back and get them in 40 minutes. I was going to try to do a little work, but really, I don't think I can manage it.

My big fear right now is that my Mom will need to go to the bathroom and to get out of the theatre she has to climb down some stairs... Well, it's dark in the theatre... and she isn't the best walker... See where I'm going?

Yea. I should have stayed and gone to the movie. What was I thinking?

I am so glad my parents got to come visit, but good grief, it's hard. They want to do fun things. They want to create memories for N and K and T. I want to help them, but it was insane to leave them at the movies. The quote from Nemo keeps coming back to me.... Where Marlin says, "You think you can do these things, but you just can't." That's what I want to say to my parents, but I don't.

They've been here a week. I'm really glad they got to come, but my head is about to explode.

My Mom has to take a pillow to the theatre in case the seats aren't comfortable enough. My Dad ... He can walk about 50 feet before he needs to sit down. 50 feet is not that far. It's really hard to go places.

10 years ago I thought it was hard when they came to visit. It was, but I didn't realize it was going to get so much harder. Does life ever get easier? Or does it just always keep getting more and more complicated and difficult?

Kind of a jumbled post, but this is what today is.

2 cute K sayings

This morning K (27 months) woke up first--actually she is almost always the first little girl awake--and she wanted to go back in her room where she and N (4.5) sleep. Since N was still asleep I told her to be quiet. She said, "Okay Mommy, I will tip toe."

I didn't know she knew the association between tip toe and quiet. Where do they learn these thing?

Tonight she wanted to do go outside and asked her Dad to take her. She had on her shoes and he didn't and he asked her to carry him. She walked over to him kind of tried to pick him up (feebly), grunted and then said, "You're too heavy for me Daddy."

She cracks me up.

Follow-up

The follow-up appointment has been scheduled. It is next Wednesday (8/30) at 1. I will not speak more of this until after we do the appointment.

I will soon regale you with tales of frustrations at work, my haircut, and the scale (last night it said 1X2 which is 3.5 pounds less than it did Monday night, and last week and the week before and the week before I believe!). (I attribute that loss of 3.5 pounds to the stress I was under yesterday. Seriously. I was one stressed puppy!) I will be doing these silly light fluffy posts to distract myself. A release of nervous energy. Much nervous energy... Maybe it will mean more weight loss? Got to look for the bright side of stress right? I wonder how many calories you burn while blogging... and then while blogging when stressed. Hmmm...

I am worrying about things, but I am trying to come to grips on the worries because as the doctor said, there is nothing to worry about yet. We are just checking to make sure there is nothing to worry about. She also told me to stop googling. (Are you laughing at that as hard as I am?)

Suckage

We have to do a follow-up doctor's visit for T. We know nothing yet. T developmentally (observable cognition) is great, but the doctor has a concern. I am now freaking and googling as fast as I can. I can't write about it yet. My little baby girl. This is suckage. More soon. Good thoughts please.

The other part to the suckage is that my parents are HERE and I don't want them to worry because hopefully it will be needless worry. I want to do all the needless worrying around here. Oh how much it sucks to be a Mom and in charge of worrying.

I am just thankful that my Mom didn't go to the doctor's appointment and hear it there. I COULD NOT deal with having to console her. Thank goodness for small miracles. I am "doing work whille T naps" as far as they are concerned. Yes, T is napping. No, I can't concentrate. Did I mention suckage?

The last bits of today

I got a pedicure! Cha-ching Cherry. Nice, bright, but not too neon and not too red. My Mom got her first pedicure. I think she liked it. I'm glad.

Tonight a friend came over with her daughter for dinner and playing. I think they had fun. We had fun except for K being SGR Girl after dinner. I had warned my friend that it might happen. I was glad I had warned her and glad that she chose to come anyway. She knows all about K being SGR Girl, but still, seeing it is rather disconcerting.

I am hoping SGR Girl goes away soon. T has her one year doctor's appointment tomorrow so I'll talk with the pediatrician about K tomorrow too, but I don't think there's anything we can do except wait out the cough. It sucks. It's 3 weeks tomorrow for me and I had a huge turning point at 2 weeks 5 days. I'm hoping the same for K... She should be there in a couple of days. After 4 weeks N finally seems completely cough free. This little virus just was so long lasting.

(Heh... Did you notice how I got 3 posts out of today's events? I could have done it all in one really LONG post, but you know I have to go for more than 754 posts in the next year.)

The really really cute part of today

When I had K (27 months) and T (1 year) in the car as we drove to find K some cough medicine, they found a toy duck. They were giggling and saying duck and quacking... Both of them. It was too cute. I thought my heart might burst. K and T having a quacking conversation. Too cute. I forgot all about the ugly of the morning when this happened. I wish I would have had a video to capture it.

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There was a really cute part of yesterday too. T started saying N's name... err the nickname that K calls her actually (N___-N___). T was saying it and then she'd walk over and give N (4.5 years) hugs. Again, too cute.

the ugly of today

We'll go chronologically. K (27 months) fell asleep last night at 12:30 am... Technically that was this morning. Though it sounds ugly, it wasn't too bad. She lays on the bed and just squirms next to me while I work/blog. After she fell asleep we put her back in her room.

She woke up at around 7:00 (yea, that's kind of ugly--especially after not falling asleep until 12:30). She wanted to snuggle so I pulled her up in bed. Usually she falls back asleep. This morning she just laid there wide awake. It's hard to sleep with a toddler wide awake next to you. She pokes and prods and 'awake' rays pour off of her. I am annoyed.

She asks to nurse and I say yes and nurse her thinking maybe she'll fall back asleep. After she nurses she starts to cough. Here comes SGR Girl. She coughs up a little and I feel like it's a miracle that it wasn't that bad. It mostly has landed on my night stand which is much easier than the bed to clean. ('Cause she was leaning over it trying to grab her water off of the night stand when it happened.)

I clean her up, it doesn't even require a bath. A good hand and face washing and clean clothes and she's good to go. Whew!

I sit her in the glider and turn on a Dora Video so I can get started on my day. She starts to cough... Look out... There is breastmilk E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E. This requires a bath. Fortunately, the glider is covered in vinyl and not cloth and it is also an easy clean up. Take off K's clothes and plop her in the bath.

Okay... it could be worse, but it's certainly not pretty so far and it's before 8 am.

About this time T (1 year!) hears us and decides 8 is a good time to get up (usually she goes until 9). Okay fine. I go downstairs and my parents are also up and want to hear about what all is happening up stairs. I don't have time to talk about it... Just need to take care of two little girls.

9 am K is still coughing a lot. My husband and I are trying to figure out who gets the first shower, but something keeps happening... Either T cries because she just doesn't want to be set down or K starts coughing and sounds like she's going to lose it again. Finally we settle K in front of Caillou. She loves him. I jump in the shower.

I leave the house around 9:30 or 9:45 with T and K to go find cough medicine for K. Our story changes to the good of today now, but turns ugly again when after dinner K was running around (you can't stop that girl sometimes) and yup, started coughing and coughed up a lot of ... I'll spare you the visual imagery. Yup... at least 2 SGR Girl strikes today... 3 if you count the nightstand. Ugly. It's not her stomach... it's just the coughing. It's still yucky. Okay... On to the good.

Heh... Relax

I had a phone meeting this afternoon, but the woman I was calling wasn't there so I got the gift of an hour! Woo-hoo! I am in the midst of the hour right now. Granted she could still show up, but I'm hoping I just get to email her and reschedule. I am "working very hard to relax" right now. Isn't that a funny statement? But it's TRUE. I am sitting here trying to breathe and be calm. I'm trying not to stress about the 70 little things that need to get done. Life is good right? Right!

(I could tell you about this morning between 7 am and 10:30, but that would just stress me out... remind me to tell you about it later!)

A turning point

This summer, I've been working very hard to get control of my life again. I planned way too much to do at work this summer, but despite being crazy busy, I do feel like I learned something. I also made the realization (again) that I NEED to keep learning. I've been in survival mode for so long that I'm getting rusty and not at the top of my game any more.

This summer, I got a chance to do a little "professional development" for myself and learn new things and re-immerse myself in my work. I went underwater, but I think I'm treading okay now. I'm enjoying my work a lot right now. I have also realized that I NEED to be doing the work I love and not just working to be busy. I have realized this before, but I think I might actually be able to make this more of a reality now. Wish me luck!

Topic # 6

(See previous post) (All about my parents.) Remember, my parents are over 80. You can read more about them here.

I decided that I would keep one girl home on Monday, a different girl home on Wednesday and the third home on Friday so that my parents can get a little time with each one individually. I figured this would also make it less overwhelming for me. I'm going to have all the girls go to the nanny's house on Tuesday and Thursday so I can do a little work, and my parents can rest up. (If you're over 80, you do a LOT of napping. Sometimes you're just sitting in a chair, and you aren't even comfortable, but you nap. I'm kind of jealous of all the napping.)

So anyway, this morning my Mom and I were talking about how N (4.5) and T (1 year!!!) were going with the Nanny (aka Mary Poppins) today, and K (27 months) was staying home with us.

My Mom said, "Why don't you just keep them all home and we can all go to lunch."

I looked at her and without thinking, said, "Uh, no. I can't handle five kids today."

She asked, "Oh, you think Dad and I are like kids?"

Ummmm, oops.... I try to remove my foot from my mouth...

I replied, "Well, actually, a little." I felt bad after I said it, but it's true. It's so overwhelming to me to be out with all of them. I. can't. do. it. I feel bad, but it's hard.

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Our activity for today was going to get coffee and then my Mom, K and I went to look at shoes. K was having so much fun running around and looking at all the pretty shoes. She tried on some gold ones that had higher heels than I would have been comfortable wearing and she was able to walk in them. She is such a girlie girl!

Then she started looking at the clothes and she'd say, "oh, that's a beautiful shirt!" or "oooooohhhh.... I love this skirt!" No one taught her these things, she just intuitively knew how to do this shopping thing. Or maybe the objects just afforded those reactions. (Yea, that reference shows some of my true geekitude, eh?)

(Note: My husband disagrees and says K has observed me modeling the behavior of reacting to clothes in that way when they've received cute things as gifts, and that's why she did the "ooooohh, etc. thing)... I disagree... I think how she acted was either innate, or the objects afforded the reactions.)

I guess I've covered part of Topic 6, but wait! There's more! (I know you're on the edge of your seat!)


So as K was gushing over the clothes, I said to my Mom, "She's going to be my shopping buddy someday." She replied, "Not necessarily, you never shopped with me when you got older. You liked it when you were little, but not when you got older."

What I didn't say, but what I was thinking..."Yea, I didn't like it because when I got older you wanted me to buy things I HATED. You didn't let me have my own opinions or wear things that I liked... We only bought things you liked or nothing. If I went with my friends I could at least get things I kind of liked that you wouldn't yell about... You often tried to control me and shape me into what YOU wanted me to be.

Or at least that's what it felt like to me. I still feel like I can't share my true opinions with you because I still feel you judge me. You don't seem to do this to my brothers or my neice, but I feel that I am judged "unworthy" way all the time. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's all my imagination. I'm sorry if that's the case, and it's my shortcoming. I haven't been able to get past this. It used to bother me a lot, and it still bothers me some, but I have accepted that I am NOT the daughter you dreamed of. I know that in some ways I make you very proud, but it other ways, you just don't understand me.

I'm okay with that...You?"

Instead, I just kind of nodded and moved on.

Yea, it's kind of sad, but I don't think there is anything I can say to her to explain that feeling to her without making her cry, or feel bad. She's never been what I would call rational or logical, and as she gets older, she gets less. I do love her. I am okay with things. I don't think that we need to "clear the air" or anything. I'm okay with just accepting things the way they are and trying not to let her push my buttons too much. (I can't help it, but she does some and I react occasionally.) I hope she knows I love her.

Wow. I must have needed to get all of that out!

***************

And now another dimension to topic 6.

Good news! Both my parents seem to be in better shape than they were on their last visit. Not significantly better, but certainly not worse, and definitely a little better. My Dad is walking a bit better. My Mom too. My Wonderful Husband (MWH) thinks so too so it's not just me. Mary Poppins thinks so too. My Mom had a pacemaker put in about 3.5 weeks ago and she really looks good.

I know that many people, and kitties too, have ups and downs as they age. Aging is not just a straight downhill slope. Downs are followed by ups. The ups are heartening and the downs are really really really depressing. I'm glad we're on an up. I am happy. I love my parents. I hope they are around to drive me crazy for a long time! (You remember that whole bickering thing? Yea... that's what is going on right now...)

Yippee! Thanks Anonymous!

Thank you to the new person who de-lurked and told me happy blogoversary. It was so fun to get a new commenter! Nino's, KH's and Colleen's well wishes were incredibly sweet and also made me feel like a lucky (as Nino would say) blogger! Thank you all! I'd keep writing even if you didn't read me, but it is much more fun with you all out there. Thank you, thank you!

Topics coming soon to this blog...

1. Weaning (not that it's happening any time soon, but writing about it and thinking about it is important--at least to me. I like to pretend I have a little bit of control over it. HA HA! That's a good one! Heee... Whew... Um, yea. You can see what this post will be like.)

2. The scale and clothes (2 topics that make my husband's eyes cross and steam shoot out of his ears)

3. SGR Girl strikes again (yea, she started coughing like crazy tonight and this time the nanny had to clean it up. Sorry Mary Poppins!)

4. My hair cut (another topic that makes my husband's eyes cross...)

5. The cough that would never go away (2 weeks 5 days later I'm almost better, but every once in a while.... Did I tell you MWH has it now?)

6. Having my parents visit.

T's party!

It was nice. It was low-key, but even low-key is a lot of work. The weather was perfect (75-80). We had a table outside and most of the party was in the back yard. I just love it when the weather is perfect. It's perfect most of the time here, with the exception of that weekend in July when it was so HOT. We only need air conditioning about 3 weeks a year where we live. We've had about 10 days of the heat so far, and probably in September we'll have a bit of hot weather again. But I'm digressing. I just want T to know that her first birthday party involved perfect weather!

We had lots of food (turkey for sandwiches, and yummy sandwich fixin's, chips, salsa, guac, yummy Asian chicken salad, a big ole fruit salad, ice cream cake (I made it), olives (because I think olives are a party food!), baby carrots, choice of softdrinks or juice drinks)...

T slept until 1:45 and the party started at 1, but that's okay... People showed up about 1:30 so she didn't miss much. We gave her some food in her high chair outside, but she dumped most of it on the ground. We did cake and sang, but she was kind of scared while we sang to her. She turned her head to the side and wouldn't look at any one. Not even me. When we were done singing, she grabbed some of the whipped cream from the cake, but then started to cry (from being scared during the singing) and needed me to hold her. I happily obliged. She tasted the cake (yummy yummy ice cream cake), and in the process got her first bites of chocolate. She was a fan (no surprise there)! She didn't eat too much cake, but that's okay. There will be plenty of time for cake eatin' later!

People hung around until about 3:30 or 4. We got some cute pictures of the event, but I haven't downloaded yet. It was kind of bittersweet. She isn't a "baby" anymore. I can't believe it. My last baby.... I am more sad about this than I would have predicted. I don't know how to write about it. There's always a last baby at some point. She's my last baby (we're almost 100% sure). I am looking forward to doing more big girl fun things with all 3.

A year ago I was scared to death to be left alone with all 3.... Not scared of them, but scared one would do something and hurt themselves. Now it's no big deal. Even though I'm happy to have reached that point, I'm still sad that I don't have a baby... I have a Toddler!

Happy Blogoversary to me!

It's been a year. T is one year now, and so is this blog. I started it when she was two days old.

When I started this blog, I was just playing around with the technology. I needed to learn more about blogs for work actually. I had played around with blogging technology before (in 2004) and didn't really have anything compelling me to write. I cancelled that first attempt at a blog.

I've kept a journal for the girls since I got pregnant with N (and backed it up with a lot of info from the Trying To Conceive time) 'cause someday I figured the girls might be interested. (Or not since I am their mother, and what the heck would I know! And because then they'd have to acknowledge that their father and I had s......... oh my gosh they won't even want to go there! (honestly, can YOU think about your parents and sex without getting the hebbie-jebbies?) But maybe they'll want to know about their babyhood/toddlerhood and childhood.)

Last year, when I started playing around with this blog technology, I thought I might actually have something to write about since I was getting ready to have my third little girl in less than 4 years time. I thought 3 little girls might give me some good fodder. I have no idea if it's interesting, but it's my life and I write it mostly for me, my husband and my girls. So we don't forget this crazy and wonderful time.

Apparently 3 little girls is a good subject for me... I have written 753 posts (754 if you add this one). Good grief. I must really have needed this blogging thing!

Even though this blog is mostly a navel gazing one, through the blog I've met some wonderful and lovely people I consider friends. It's fun to leave comments and get to know people.

In addition to playing around with blogging to understand the technology, I started 'cause another friend (from real life) thought it would be a good way to keep up with each other. Another friend, joined in the blogosphere when I told her about my blog. I was glad! It does make it easier to keep up with each other's crazy lives!

I've been anonymous, but in the last few weeks I gave the link of this to a couple of friends who aren't blogosphere folks. One is my dear friend who just went abroad and I miss! It's going to be hard to communicate in real time because of the 9 hour time difference, but through email and some Skype we'll be in touch. She'll be back during the holidays and I'm excited. We're going to the spa! We will deserve it!

The other person I recently gave my URL to is a friend I work with and we get pedicures together. (I'm excited about Tuesday--we get one! I'm taking my almost 81 year old Mom for her FIRST PEDICURE.) I also have shared this blog with another friend and colleague because she has a little girl and her husband has a blog (but I don't have the URL handy or at all even). Other people I have shared this with include a college friend, but I don't know if she's reading it, and an email pal who has a kitty with the same illness that my precious cat had. Anyway, I'm digressing, but this is my blogoversary entry so I can do what I want! (It's my party and I'll ramble if I want to... )

This t-shirt (found on Nino's blog) cracks me up. I don't feel it totally applies because I only tend to publish things on the web that I would share with other people in conversation. I do chuckle when I think about how I CAN'T STOP MYSELF FROM POSTING though! (Geez... 753 posts... IN ONE YEAR???? I NEED HELP! Seriously!) I run around a lot living my life and wondering if things that happen are "blog worthy." Kind of silly huh?

So back to the t-shirt....even though I'd talk about all of this stuff in real life, I probably wouldn't talk about all of the stuff I write with one person. I'd probably talk about most of it with my husband until his eyes crossed and steam shot out of his ears. He can't talk pedicures or clothes without that happening. I guess some of my friends know most of this stuff, but it does seems like I'm sort of naked and exposed here. It's not that I think of these as private thoughts, but I think of them as thoughts that are in "different dimensions" and that one person wouldn't want to know all of them. Is that odd? What do you think? Is blogging just an ODD thing to do? It kind of is. But it's fun. I really like the term escribitionist.

I tend to think of this blog as an external memory device. The blog lets my ephemeral thoughts become more permanent. Or at least that's the goal. Though I had a journal, I think the blog encourages me to write in a more interesting style. (If you think I'm boring here, you ought to read my journal... it's COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY A DOCUMENTARY. It's not even written in complete sentences. It strictly recorded the facts and never made connections.)

Anyway, if you read me, make a comment and wish me a happy blogoversary... I'd love it. (even comment anonymously--you can do that) and let me know you're out there.

So will I make it to blogoversary two? Make a bet as to how many posts you think I'll make in the next year... Will I do more than 753 or fewer? Bets taken now. Winners announced 8/20/2007.

Crazy Saturday

1. My parents (over 80) are visiting. It's like having 5 kids.

2. I have to get ready for T's first birthday party tomorrow. I haven't done a single thing yet. I have to figure out food, make an ice cream cake, buy favors... and about a million other things most likely, but I haven't had a chance to think yet!

3. We just went to N's (4.5) gymnastic class. She does so well. She concentrates, she works hard, I am very proud. Most of the time she's a spaz, and because of the spaz qualities, she's often a klutz. She falls so often and says, "I'm okay" so automatically she's often saying, "I'm okay" before she's down actually. It cracks me up.

4. My husband (MWH) is out buying supplies for the remodel. We're buying all the stuff for the electrical wiring and lighting part. Woo-hoo! Let there be light.

5. K (27 months) is still potty training. It's so funny... She is the EXACT opposite of N in almost everyway... Potty training included. N didn't even start until she was about 29 or 30 months and then she learned to be dry really fast. K has NO concept of dryness, but "poops on the potty" like a champ! It took until N was 3 years 2 months to learn to do that.

(Heh, I said poop here. It's a mommy-blog, it's okay.)

6. I should probably stop blogging now. K is running around without a diaper because she just did #5 and I should probably go put a diaper on her. T is napping and N is playing in her room. My parents are downstairs and I should probably "step away from the computer."

(If you missed yesterday's post about T, keep reading! Happy Birthday T!!!!!)

One year ago

One year ago I didn't know...

that you would have curly hair--curly eyelashes even
We're so surprised. There is curly hair in the family, but neither your father nor I have it. Apparently we both have recessive genes for it though.

that your first word would be tickle
I love that. You often say "lickle lickle" first thing in the morning when you wake up. You move your little fingers and you tickle at your belly. You love to be tickled.

that you would laugh all the time
One of my favorite memories of your laugh from this year is when we when we ran to the car after the zoo... You thought me holding you and running was HILARIOUS. To me, your laugh is intoxicating.

that you would love to watch your big sisters
You totally want to do all the things they do.

that you would love to have Mommy hold you
Your daddy laughs at how happy you are just hanging out on my hip as I do things. He says you get the happiest look on your face when I hold you that way.

that you would kick when you were happy
When you were inside of me you kicked all the time. I'm going to pretend that meant you were happy in there!

that you would be the prototypical baby
You have less hair and more of a baby-ish face than your sisters. Since you are my last baby, I'm drinking it in and fully enjoying it.

One year ago I did know

that my third baby girl had just come into the world, was beautiful, and weighed 8 pounds 3 ounces.

that I was thrilled to have a T___!

Leave me a comment if you want to see pictures from one year ago. My husband snapped one that I just love of T and me snuggling right after she was born.

Love...

I rarely do blogosphere activities because I rarely have time, but I really like the positive focus of this activity, so I'm joining in!

Chookooloonks and Momster started the idea for "Love Thursday" and I saw it at Nino's blog. In honor of "Love Thursday" I will share a long love story. My parents have been married for 60 years. A long time. I hope I am so lucky.

If being married for 60 years, raising 4 children, and still being able to smile (and glow) in a photograph doesn't say "love" I don't know what does. To me, they are the epitome of wedded "bliss"... All in the Family style wedded bliss. They bicker constantly, including over what is the best way to make oatmeal, but when one is absent, the other is at a loss. My Mom recently got a pacemaker and my Dad was delighted when she started complaining about something right after the surgery. He knew she was feeling pretty good. They need each other. They are one.

If you want to see pictures of them from the day before they were married, the day they were married, the day they celebrated their 58th anniversary, and the day they celebrated their 60th, leave me a comment.

Spread the love!

This is weird, annoying and long

Not the post (hopefully), but the cold/cough thing we have... N (4.5) got sick 3 weeks ago on Sunday. She's coughed a lot but is mostly better. I got sick 2 weeks and 1 day ago and K (27 months) got sick 3 days after me. T (almost 1 year!!!) has had a teeny cough, but not like the rest of us who sound like we're going to cough up a lung.

One weird thing is that it's pretty much just been a cough. Very little congestion. It's a cough that sort of tickles in your throat, but doesn't really hurt (until you cough for 5 minutes straight). The last two days, I've finally felt "in control" of my cough again and like it's getting better and almost gone.

Last night N and I were talking before she went to bed and she said her throat hurt. She was asking me questions about being sick and staying home from school. I figured she was just laying the ground work for asking to skip school today. She goes to "extended care" at preschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and though she loves preschool, she really doesn't like "stended care" at all. (It's only 1.5 hours ... I'm not feeling too sorry for the princess on this one.)

Anyway, this morning, I woke up and I have a sore throat! ARRRGGH!

I hate going to the doctor. At this point, I don't think they can do anything for us 'cause even if the sore throat develops into something, it's probably not there yet. Also, through out the weird cough there never was a fever. Exhaustion, but no fever. I guess I see what happens and get ready to run to the doctor tomorrow.

The big problem, the one that is stressing me, is that my over 80 parents arrive tomorrow and I don't want to give them anything. My Mom has just had two surgical procedures (in the last month) and she doesn't need to get sick!

Have you ever heard of a 2 week cough followed by a sore throat? Could all of this have been caused by one type of virus? Could the soreness just be from the coughing? (Why did it take so long to develop?) Very very weird, annoying and long!

Cleaning...

Do you see the dust rising off my house? We've been cleaning fools over here. The guest room is clean and organized (or as organized as it gets since we still have half of our stuff in boxes and many of the boxes are in that room). I need to clean out the girls' bathtub and floor, the guest bathroom completely, our bathroom floor and vacuum some more (go Alfred!) and that's about all I'll have time to do. (I already did the kitchen floor and organized a bit in the kitchen.) Nothing like company to inspire a cleany frenzy!

Letter to the fruit display people

To the fruit display people at Whole Foods:

I am soooo sorry that all of your displays are now, well, more standard and less artistic. You see, my 4.5 year old, who has very strong opinions about EVERYTHING, rearranged them for you. She didn't like it when the boxes of strawberries were artfully askew. She lined them all up carefully and straight. She also didn't like the peach sitting on top of the little wooden crate that you had set up, so it's "back in its house" with the other peaches. She thought it was lonely.

On the other hand, you'll be happy to know that any fruit that was in the wrong place, not because it was on display, but because other customers had wrongly discarded it, is now back in the right place.

Sincerely,


JK




Yup, it took us 30 minutes to get one onion and a bunch of bananas tonight.

T's favorite things

Just a short entry to document this moment in time.

Miss T (almost one year!!!) loves frozen peas (still frozen 'cause I'm lazy like that) and Amy's organic cheese and broccoli pot pies. She also loves fried chicken. She is starting to wean in a big way. I'm feeling it!

Miss T has started loving her silky blanket (pink). For the last couple of weeks (can't remember exactly when it started) when I go get her in the morning she grabs pink and takes it with her. She hugs it.

She also loves Roosters. She tries really hard to say cock-a-doodle-doo.

Oh the cuteness factor is high!

tonight...

Tonight, my older girls N (4.5) and K (27 months) were still awake at 11:30 pm. At 11:15 pm I left them both crying in their room because I was DONE. I need them to go to bed before 11:30 pm. I NEED IT.

Since 11:20 pm I have
-done a short workout DVD

-eaten ice cream (only 1/2 a pint) (and the scale is still at exactly 1X5.5)

-told my husband we NEED to get the girls in bed by 10:30 pm and NO later for the next week and then 10 pm and then 9:30 pm. We were at 9:30 for a while, but somehow we've slipped later and later. (We are such night owls around here... Can you tell?)

-read two articles for work

-written two emails to a group of people for work

-looked at other workout DVDs

-realized it's already 1:24 am and I NEED to go to bed, but I'm not that tired... but somehow at 9 am I will be exhausted. I wake up and feel so much better at 8 and 9 pm.... It's so ridiculous. We are gonna be in so much trouble when school starts and N has to be there at 8 am or so. OH MY!

I got clean floors! I got clean floors!

The title is a play on what N (4.5) used to say when we would take her to wash her hands. When she was first learning to talk (under 2), and we'd go wash her hands after dinner, she used to come running back to the table from the bathroom saying, "I got clean hands, I got clean hands!" It was really really cute. She would do this at home or in restaurants. We tried to get K (27 months) to do the same, because we got such a kick out of it, but every kid is different and K never did it.

Anyway, my parents arrive Friday for a week long visit so I am starting a thorough cleaning of the whole house now. I don't like to clean, but I find that once I start, I'm a perfectionist and I want it to be REALLY REALLY CLEAN. Part of the reason I don't have someone clean my house is that they never do a good enough job and then I just have to clean after they leave. Seriously. Not to mention that I have to straighten before they come. It's just easier on me to not have a clean house. I can totally ignore it if it's not clean, but once I start, I can't stop.

My new mantra

I am only as strong as the coffee I drink.

short a, Long A

Miss N (4.5), when she wasn't driving me crazy, picked up her magna doodle and drew a little "a" with the little "short vowel" symbol over it. Then she drew a big "A" with the "long vowel" symbol over it. Then she explained to her daddy (MWH) that the little "a" was a "short a" and said the aaaaa sound and that the Big A was a LONG "A" and said the AAAY sound.

I. am. proud. As far as learning to read goes, she can sound out each letter individually, but she won't put them all together in a word. She is stuck there. She spells words. She is close. She still has a year before kindergarten. She "reads" books, but they are just memorized. She has had books memorized since she was 2. I have videos of her "reading" then. She also seems to just not be motivated right now. It's summer. I'll cut her some slack.

(I am really not a stressed out Mom about this. I just like to record developments here. I don't know if I sound worried about it when I write it, but I'm not. I just like to document the little details!)

Finally

I am FINALLY feeling like maybe I'll make a recovery. This cold though it hasn't been too bad, made me feel like it was never going to go away. The fact that I didn't feel better on Friday than I had on Thursday was bringing me down. The fact that I kind of felt worse on Saturday than Friday, was REALLY bringing me down. However, this morning, I woke up and felt qualitatively better.

I love that word.... Qual-i-ta-tive. It's one of my favorite research words. It's not just a matter of degree, it's a WHOLE different quality.

It's like the difference between pregnant and not pregnant. (For the record, I am NOT pregnant!)

It's not a measure of more or less, it's a completely different state....

Like sick and NOT SICK!!!!

I'm finally feeling like I might be healthy again! I still have to improve in a quantitative way to feel all the way like me again, but I feel qualitatively better! My husband said, "You didn't complain today."

Miss N

Miss N (4.5) is in a stage that is driving me crazy.

She's acting like a baby a lot, and then like a sassy teenager sometimes. I am truly having my patience tested. I am failing that test sometimes. If N doesn't get her way, she starts to howl. When you tell her that if she doesn't stop howling that she won't get X, Y, or Z, she immediately stops howling and says, "I've stopped crying, now can I have X?"

NO! GOOD GRIEF! NO! Don't cry to try and get your way. Geez. It's all manipulation. Sometimes she can do really sweet things... Like tonight when she found a dandelion and gave it to K (27 months) to blow because she knows how much K loves them. K calls them candylions... I LOVE it when K calls them candylions and I love that N thought of her sister and gave her the dandelion. It gives me hope.

Anyway, I've heard that 4 is a hard year... and then right as you're ready to send them off to live at Grandma's, they turn almost 5 and become the sweetest kids... Please tell me this is true.

It's so funny because I don't think K and T will ever be as hard as N has been... N's my first. She's the one that teaches me what kids of a certain age are like. By default she's always hardest because I'm always learning with and from her.

SGR Girl strikes again!

It's been a while. I was hopeful that she'd out grown it... Back in June she had one day when she was crying and crying and didn't manage to make herself throw up. I was so happy. You could tell she wanted to throw up. She was really screaming because she didn't want to take a bath, but she had just given herself a "dirt bath" outside and we had to go to a wedding so she needed a bath. You could tell she wanted that little gag thing to happen as she was screaming and she was kind of disappointed when it didn't.

About a week or two later, NB was trying to get K to go down for a nap and I was home. I kept trying to get NB to let me take K, but she kept saying it was okay. I didn't want to intervene too much, and I thought K had outgrown the gag reflex, but she hadn't. NB jumped out of the way just in time.

This cough, it's a bad one. It's almost made me lose my cookies a couple of times and I'm not SGR* Girl. She threw up a little on Thursday night. Not a lot, and I was willing to overlook it and not mention it because it wasn't that bad. We had to change our sheets, but not a big deal. It didn't happen Friday or Saturday and I was relieved. This morning, she nursed and then she sat up and coughed and she became projectile SGR Girl. She nursed a LOT. Gallons was what MWH said it looked like. She was pretty calm about it. Right after it happened she looked at me and said, "I want to take a bath." Smart girl.




*SGR Girl = Sensitive Gag Reflex Girl

Decision 2006

I've been kind of growing my hair, but I didn't know what I wanted to do with it ultimately. I just downloaded some photos and made a decision. I decided I'm cutting it. I'm going back to the length it was in May. It was a much better length. As soon as my hair gets past my shoulders I just don't like it any more. I knew this back in 1996, and I guess I had to relearn it in 2006. (In 1996, the first thing I did after breaking up with a boyfriend who had liked my hair long, was cut it. I had actually hated it long. I have good hair... It's thick, it's in good shape, but I just don't like the way my face looks when my hair is long.) (I also re-learned that I like my hair shorter than my shoulders in 1998 after our wedding. Thankfully, the woman who did my hair the day of the wedding made it look good despite it's length. Shortly after the wedding I went back to slightly shorter than my shoulders and was much happier.)

Late breaking news...

We interupt this Saturday evening to let you know that T is officially and totally a toddler. Complete with back arching tantrums.

Tonight she decided that she would put on her own PJ shirt. If I tried to help, she screamed. If I got it around her neck she'd pull on it until I worried that she'd hurt herself, so I'd take it off. Then she'd try her darndest to get it over her head. She almost succeeded. She tried for about 10 minutes. It was cute. So determined she was!

Finally, with the help of an Elmo doll, I was able to distract her and have Elmo (me) sing to her while I got the shirt on her. She was a little miffed by not having put the shirt on all by herself, but "La-la-la-la... Elmo's World" is somewhat hypnotic and she soon forgot about the shirt issue.

But tantrums... already? Oh my. She threw one about a week ago, but I forgot what it was about. I'm recording the memory of this one.

Breakfast

I'm not into breakfast. I don't like cereal in the morning. I love it at night, but not in the morning. Consequently, my girls sometimes eat strange things for breakfast because I look at cereal in the morning and think, ugh.

This morning T (almost 1 year!!!) ate fishy crackers (organic goldfish) and a fruit smoothy (yogurt blended with bananas, strawberries, and peaches). There's nothing wrong with fishy crackers for breakfast. Nor "angel fluffs." Angel fluffs are found at Whole Foods and they are organic white cheddar cheese puffs. They have organic corn meal, organic rice flour, organic expeller pressed high oleic canola oil, and organic cheddar cheese. Really, cheese puffs are very similar to a corn-based cereal. Really! (Remember you heard it here first!)

Demi Moore... or a frog?

Do I sound like Demi Moore, or a Frog to you? My voice is coming and going. It's because of that weird cold that N brought home. Did I tell you I had to do a podcast with this voice? It wasn't a whole podcast, but I needed to put an introduction on one I made for work. It took me about 2 hours to record 30 seconds of my voice. All because I sound like Demi... or a frog. My voice kept cracking and giving out or sounding just awful. Finally, it's done.

Oh, if you're ever making a podcast, let me know... I have lots of helpful tips!

Playing hookey Part 2

A memory for my friend who moved abroad.... Our trip to the spa..... Ahhhh! A very good hookey day!

I worked that morning and I didn't stop stressing until after the treatment, but it was wonderful! I look forward to going there again with you at the holidays.... And over the holidays, especially if you come at the end of the break, I will NOT BE STRESSED I PROMISE!!!!!

(Now we just need to finish the remodel on the house!) We will!!!!

Playing hookey

N (4.5) really didn't want to go to school today. She wanted it to be Saturday. She asked if she could go to the Nanny's house today instead of going to school. I told her she could, but just for today, that skipping school wasn't something we could do often, but today we could make an exception. She was pleased. Then she got worried and asked, "But what will my teachers say?" I said it would be okay and they wouldn't mind if we told them it was just today.

I think she needed a day to play hookey. I need days to play every now and again. Of course, I never truly get to play hookey any more. I'm sure the last time I took a whole day off was before N was born. I get a few hours here and there, but mostly I have to be responsible. I am living vicariously through her today... Remembering a time when I was young and carefree. Alas....

Updates all around

(Long rambling post)

N (4.5 years) got a cold (very weird one... just a cough and congestion in the throat) last week... On Sunday she started coughing like crazy. She'd been coughing before, and I didn't think too much of it when it first started, but by Tuesday I knew she had something going on for sure.

On Wednesday I had a little cough. On Saturday I felt awful...Sunday too... Monday-today I've been tired. N seems mostly recovered... K (26 months) got the cough about Sunday or Monday (2 or 3 days ago). T (almost 1 year) started coughing last night. I think this is cold #3 for me this year... Cold #5 for the kids maybe??? If I went back through the archives I could figure it out. (File under Sick!) This has been not too bad of a cold, but no cold is fun.

Work Stuff
Work... I have a few things to wrap up from my CRAZY last 4 weeks with the C project. I have something else going on these next two weeks that is fun on that project, but I'm not the main person so that's nice. I get to sit back a little. I have another project (T2 project) that needs lots of attention, but doesn't have much budget. There is yet another project that will need lots of time as soon as a NIGHTMARE contract gets worked out (RT project). (Thank goodness I'm not the main person figuring it out. It's a TRUE SCARY NIGHTMARE.)

Two other projects are taking a few cycles (S and H), but will die down (for me) again soon. One other project (O) is trying to get my attention... This is a project that I should get rid of but don't because I like the leader of so much. My boss finally said to me, "You really should get off that project." UMMMM, EXCUSE ME...you encouraged me to stay on it. It's YOUR FAULT. I kind of said that to him exactly like that. He said, yes he wanted me to do it a long time ago, but that now it didn't make sense. But he also agreed that it was hard to leave the woman that runs that project. We both really like her.

House Stuff
The contractors finished up 3 weeks of work so far. We have new windows, all the framing done for the new space in our bedroom/bathroom, and now they had to stop work because we need the stuff for the shower and the plumbing. We didn't order things soon enough because we were too busy. All the plumbing stuff will hopefully be in by next week and hopefully the contractor can start right back up again.

Our cabinets are getting made for the kitchen! We need to go look at a floor... and make a decision for sure about it.

Nanny
We have the most wonderful nanny. I am so sad for my friend who left (waving to D if you're reading this) cause she is really missing our nanny. And rightfully so. Our nanny is wonderful. She makes Mary Poppins look like a slacker! Seriously. I am very very very thankful right now.

On a related note, I miss my friend who just moved. I need to email her and I've just been too tired/sick/finishing up crazy work. I have emailed, but not enough. I'll go do that now.

Genetics in action...

Photoptarmosis. Who knew there was a word for it? All of my little girls do it. My Wonderful Husband does it. I don't. It's totally wild to me that they all do it. Do you do it? Does any one in your family?

it was good for me!

Another double entendre...? I meant the workout! I went intending to take it easy, but within one song I was jumping higher than most of the people in the class... Oops. So much for taking it easy. As MWH (my wonderful husband) said, I'm Lame at being Lame.

The scale said .5 less than last week. I don't take the scale that seriously though. I really don't think it's been long enough. Tonight I'm just happy that I wasn't up. I'll just be happy if in a couple weeks I see a pound gone. I am at a lower weight than I was when N turned 1. I didn't reach this weight until N was about 15 or so months... I lost all the weight by the time N was 19 months (40-42 pounds). Pretty much the moment I hit the pre-pregnancy weight I got pregnant with K. Seriously.

I didn't diet to lose the weight with N and I don't plan to diet to lose this weight. I lost the weight slowly, but I think it's better to lose weight slowly. Even though I've made a conscious effort to reduce the amount of ice cream I'm eating, I don't count cutting down from a full pint of ice cream to a half a pint as dieting.

I haven't changed my eating habits in any other way (when I'm pregnant and nursing I am soooo hungry and I eat a LOT of food). I generally eat pretty good healthy food. I eat a mostly vegetarian diet, but I like a good steak every now and then. We eat lots of pasta (I don't think carbs are bad, refined white bread yes that's bad, but not all carbs), salad, fruit, yogurt and other dairy.

Whoa... Not sure what prompted all this... actually some of it comes because lately, I've seen so many blogs where the authors are dieting and trying to live on 1200 calories a day. I just don't think that's healthy. I think dieting is just so bad for one's metabolism. I think going down to that few of calories for any length of time will really hurt you. When I'm at my preferred weight, I can eat a LOT and maintain. I can eat a lot because I expend a lot of calories. This works for me. I love food. I love to exercise. I'd rather lose weight slowly than mess up my metabolism.

I don't want my girls to see me dieting. I want them to know that being active is the best approach. Good link. This too.

Headache

Even though I have a headache, I'm not saying, "Not tonight, I have a headache..." Get your minds out of the gutter! I'm still planning to go to the gym to work out. Granted I'll probably do a little bit lighter of a workout than usual, but I will still go. It's good for me. I like it. It will probably release some endorphins and make me feel better.

I also get to weigh myself on the scale there to see if 3 worksouts last week and last week's reduced ice cream consumption (1/2 a pint instead of a whole pint heh!) made any difference. My pants are fitting looser than ever in the thighs... My thighs were always the "problem area" for me previously. Now the problem area is my stomach... I'm not worried though. I read it takes 3 years to recover fully from giving birth and I'm not even a year out (so close though!). (My baby!!! she's growing up!)

Okay... enough... I'm boring even me. This is what happens when I spend all day at work. With a headache. Boring! I can't write about what I did, but it was a fun day because I got to talk with 2 of my work idols on the phone. They are cool people.

One thing that's a teeny bit funny (at least to me)... I got to work before 10 am and this is EARLY for me. Usually I get there around 11:30 am or even 1 pm... and leave at 3:30. Today, I was in the office from 10-3:30 and boy did it feel like a long day! I like my 2-3 hour long days in the office.... heh. I've been kind of spoiled huh? Guess I should get used to being there more 'cause I just signed on to work 6-8 hours in the office 2-3 days a week this year.

spooky

Miss N (4.5) is obsessed with all things spooky, and therefore, so is Miss K (26 months). Miss K has this cute way of saying spooky... she holds her hands up by her face and wiggles her fingers and says, "It's spooky." Yesterday Miss K named off all the spooky things she could think of for me. They were: spooky caves, spiders, scary owls, alligators, crocodiles, witches and jack-o-laterns.

Lame at being Lame...

that's what MWH told me I was.

Taking it easy

So what happened yesterday? Why didn't we take it easy? Simple. I drank too much caffeine. We went to the library with the girls and then played in the fountains. It was a fun afternoon.

While playing in the fountains we got a very cute video of T (11.5) toddling around. If you'd like to see it, send me an email. My favorite part is when she walks from one fountain to the next and you see her little teeny foot prints appear on the concrete.

Today, I haven't had enough caffeine to perk me up yet. I'm still exhausted. Miss K (almost 27 months) also has the cough now so it must be a little virus. Miss T (11.5) ist still okay, but who knows! Today we seem to be hanging out at home and watching way too much tv. (We only watch kids educational tv, but really, today it seems a bit excessive. We need to get out of the house, but I don't have enough energy. We'll see what happens.)

Me and T (11.5 months)

I think it's a cool picture.

T on her Tippy Toes

All together now... Awww!

Assignment

I have an assignment .... I have to think of 8 nouns to describe me.

This is hard because this assignment is for work and most of the nouns I want to use are Mommy-ish.

Mammal (you know, the whole lactation thing--I have never felt more like a mammal than since I have had children.)
Mother
Nurturer
Friend
Care-giver
Exerciser
Dancer (less like this than an exerciser)
Geek
Caffeine-Addict
Mac-Zealot
Chocolate-lover
Researcher
Blogger (don't think I'll share this)
Socio-technologist (could encompass blogger)


What else am I? What are you? Do you share yourself completely with everyone you know or do you keep certain sides of yourself to be viewed only by certain people? (I do the latter.)

Naptime

I just put T (11.5 months and officially a walker!) down for her first nap. Daddy (aka My Wonderful Husband or MWH for short), N (4.5) and K (almost 27 months) are at N's gymnastics class. I feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck. I'm not sure if I a) have a cold, b) am just dealing with the varicella vaccination I got almost 2 weeks ago, or c) am just coming down from some of the stress of the past few weeks. I'm guessing it's a combination of all 3.

2 weeks ago I had to get a varicella (aka chicken pox) vaccination. I'm over 30 and have never had the chicken pox. (That could have qualified as one of my freaky/weird things.) Many adults think they've never had the chicken pox, but then when you do the bloodtest (titer) to see for sure, almost everyone has had it. Except me. We did the titer on me 3 years ago, when I was pregnant with K, and I was negative. I've known for forever that I needed to get the vaccination, but I never wanted to get it. Vaccinations can potentially cause problems because of my condition. (No, condition does NOT mean pregnant....)

Anyway, I will post far too much about the life-changing experience* that was the chicken pox shot, as soon as I can work it out in my mind, but right now I feel crappy. I'm sure I'll still be on Mommy-duty today, but that's okay. We'll just lay low. Here I go to lay low.


*I'm actually serious... It was life-changing for me.

Teeth clenching (part 2)

The night guard seemed to help. My jaw is still popping, but not every single time I open my mouth. Yesterday my jaw was popping as I was drinking from a straw. Today it didn't do that. I hope this night guard makes my jaw better.

Teeth clenching

I've been clenching my teeth very hard at night lately... Guess I've been a little stressed (heh!). I haven't written about the work I've been doing this summer. It's fun, it's great, it's what I love to do, but it's a little unusual so if I write about it, I reveal too much.

In addition to the stuff I love doing I've also been doing the other projects that I don't love as much (but do love) but I am feeling overwhelmed. I need to figure out how to have balance!! (Think a Blackberry will help?) Anyway, in an attempt to stop my jaw from popping every time I open my mouth I'm getting a night guard. We'll see if it helps or not.

All day

Today, I have been offline, in the real world not online, not in the blogosphere. I missed the online world. I was thinking of getting a Blackberry or a Sidekick, but then a friend told me how addicted I would be. It's true. I would be. I would be able to do almost everything from that little device. I would never be offline ever again. You should vote in my comments as to whether I should take the plunge to always be online or not. It would have come in handy today, but does it make sense to "get away from" technology once in a while?

Anyway, today my wonderful husband (MWH) and I went to pick out and buy the appliances for our new kitchen. We're happy with things. It wasn't too painful. It cost less than we originally priced appliances to be so that's always nice. The big savings came from not getting a "built-in" refrigerator. We were going to get a built-in 42-inch refrigerator, but as we looked more closely at it, we decided to go with the 36-inch "standard" kind. It's got the same amount of cubic space inside.... It's not as "cool" looking as the built-in, but it does seem more functional and it's almost half the price. We also figured out what we could do to make the cabinets look better around it. We could have spent the extra money, on the built-in, but it just didn't seem worth it. He and I are both somewhat frugal. We like what we got. We won't have a "snob appeal" kitchen, but we are happy. He and I agree and that's the important thing.

If I were a "real writer" I'd tell you all about the appliance store we went to, and how it was like stepping into a 1950's era store. It was surreal. It was totally not in the culture of the rest of where we live. However, I'm not a real writer so you'll just have to trust me. Our salesman was a really nice guy, but he too was trapped in a time-warp.

The remodel on our new house is coming along nicely. The construction is almost finishing up it's 3rd week. We are remodeling most of the first floor (main level with kitchen, dining room, master bedroom & bath, guest bathroom). I'm very excited about it all! We're adding a walk-in closet to our bedroom (taking some "unused space" that is kind of a large hallway between the dining room and the kitchen). It's hard to explain. I'll have to scan the plans in someday. I'm too lazy to try to think of all the words I need to explain this.

In addition to adding a walk-in closet, we re-designed the space in our bedroom so we'll have a little sitting area, a large shower, a new entry door, and more counter space in the bathroom. We're also totally re-doing the kitchen. Right now, it's completely empty in there. It's so thrilling to walk through the empty space and imagine the potential. (Though we actually have the design for the space done.)

So we bought our appliances for the kitchen, have our cabinets designed and the wood picked. The cabinet maker has taken measurements. We bought a shower pan for our new shower in our master bathroom... I think we've picked out the type of wood we'll have on the floor throughout the entire main floor (we did that a couple of weeks ago). (Note on that link, it's not where we're getting our wood from, I just liked the picture... Here's another picture of the same wood (top left picture).

We still have to pick out the tile for our bathroom floor, shower and our countertop. We may also need to pick out the kind of wood for the bathroom cabinets. We also have to pick out tile/stone for our fireplace, a new banister, kids bathroom stuff... I think I've also decided what I want to do for the kid's bedroom as far as 3 beds... Now I just have to figure out if it exists or if we hire someone to build it.

Today was an all day endeavor. I'm imagining I should allocate 1 full-day a week to this sort of house thing for the next few weeks. It's hard for me not to work or get twitchy when I'm not online. Perhaps this will be "good for me."

Blah

I felt awful all day today... blah... I'm guessing I'm just exhausted and stressed. I've had a lot of irons in the fire lately and haven't been getting enough sleep. I also miss my friend and am sad.

I think yesterday when I couldn't stop crying, it was kind of just the "straw that broke the camel's back" and let me get rid of some of the pent-up emotion. A couple of days ago, I found at that a good friend and colleague at work is going to leave... she's the colleague I've been working with on this new project. Our collaboration won't end, in fact, in her new position she may have more time to work on it, but the fact that she is leaving and I won't see her as often is something else that is bringing me down.

Okay... enough of a pity party for me.

To lighten the mood

This is hilarious. Really. It's treadmill dancing. It's amazing. I laughed. It didn't make me cry.

In which I spend far too much time thinking about this morning's events.

I think one of the things that upsets me so much is that N was traumatized.

I drove up with 2 changes of clothes (a spare for future issues). We talked about it and it's seems pretty okay now. She was happy to see me. I think I redeemed myself a little in N's eyes by driving up to school and bringing a change of clothes. I think she needed to know that I was there for her when she needed me.

My husband has a story of how his Mom forgot to put Hot Water in his thermos once (for his lunch--he had a packet of instant oatmeal) and he still remembers how traumatized he was... Bursting into tears, having to sit in the office, the whole bit.

Anyway, N may or may not remember this. We'll see. I hope this is the worst emotional scar she has from her childhood, but it probably won't be. But are we stronger and better people because of emotional scars? I think I am.

I think the thing that makes me the MOST mad is how the office is.... I called this morning and A answered the phone. A is one of the two main secretaries in the office and is very snotty. She knows EVERYTHING, just ask her. So when I called to find out information and I was speaking to A I believed her. She was wrong. Who knows if she will apologize or not. If she wasn't so snotty about things it would be easier to take. She makes me so mad. I still have to deal with her for another year.

I'm sure she gets tired of dealing with parents and clueless parents and helping people through a confusing enrollment process and answering the SAME QUESTIONS over and over, but deal with it. It is your job. If you don't like it, then be proactive and maybe make up a FAQ for parents... Or fix the STUPID enrollment forms.

Okay... I'm done venting. I work hard to make confusing processes simpler for a lot of people because really, they don't care about confusing things... Simple is good. Simple and seamless is what people want in their lives.

Perhaps I'm also a little upset because I'm trying to get a new cellphone and that is NOT A SIMPLE process.... (I'm trying to get one that will play with our calendaring system at work and our calendaring system at work is stupid and if I get one to play it will actually compromise my technological morals, but that's another story, so I will get one that meets most of my needs, but not all, but I will end up paying through the nose and the cellphone company will try to make me feel good about it when really their system SUCKS.)

Okay... really I'm done now.

Not the first, not the last and certainly not that bad, but I can't stop crying... I feel like a loser!

Today, I called the preschool to find out if it was "pj day." I was told it was. N (4.5) wore her pjs. It wasn't pj day. She was upset. This upset me. I am annoyed. I ACTUALLY CALLED and was told it was pj day and I had to leave my child at preschool upset. Now I am wasting my time driving back up to preschool and bringing a change of clothes... 2 changes actually because we were supposed to already have a change of clothes there, but I am a loser mom so I didn't yet (she hasn't had an accident at preschool and I have been too overwhelmed to think about it--Mom's pacemaker, nanny on vacation for a month, my friend leaving and saying goodbye, me doing too much at work...).

Things would be much more clear if Preschool would send home notes and clearly communicate. They sent home a note saying it was "weird and wacky week" and listed that there would be lots of silly activities, but they didn't send the schedule. If they would have just added:
Th: Crazy hair day
F: PJ day

it all would have been simpler.

I feel like a loser Mom, but I am trying. I don't think you get points for "trying" in this game of Motherhood.... I think N is going to be traumatized by this. Arrgh!

Happy for T--Happy for 3.

Whenever I look at T, I'm so happy that sometimes life is unpredictable. If I would have "waited" until I felt I could have handled 3 kids we would just be starting to try. Who knows, maybe if we'd waited until now I would have had difficulty conceiving or maybe I wouldn't have been able to conceive... Or maybe it would have just happened... Who knows. We'll never know for sure.

I'm just happy we have 3. N, K and T. I love watching them play together. I love watching them be sisters. I never had a sister, so this is all new to me, but it's a lot of fun. (Ask me again in 10 years in the midst of puberty and hormones if I still feel this way though!) I love having 3 very different girls. I have a tom-boy (N), a very girlie-girl (K) and I'm guessing T will be somewhere in the middle. N and K seem like they are the anchor points on our spectrum.

I was the only girl and I often felt like my Mom wanted me to be a certain way because, "She had waited so long before she got a girl," and because she had certain expectations of what girls were supposed to be like. I always felt a little like I was disappointing her. With three, I don't think I can be disappointed.... I also don't think I have "expectations" of what a girl is supposed to be like.... I know so many fabulous women...if my girls end up smart, happy and enjoying their lives, I will be happy.

A year in the life...

January
New Years
N's birthday

February
My birthday
Valentine's Day

March
St. Patrick's Day
My husband's birthday

April
Usually Easter

May
K's birthday
Mother's Day

June
Father's Day

July
4th of July

August
T's birthday

September
Labor Day
School starts

October
Our wedding anniversary

November
Thanksgiving

December
Christmas

It all just goes so quickly... And that doesn't include all the grandparent birthdays, siblings (my husband's and mine), vacations, major work projects, conferences (one in April and one in June/July for me and one big one for my husband in May-August--it floats). Don't forget the colds and doctor appointments (check-ups if no one is sick and extras if they are). No wonder it's so crazy! Always something going on... September might be the most restful month.