A short one

One of my favorite things that K (26 months) says is, "The rooster says, Clock-a-doodle-doo." It cracks me up every time.

T (11 months) now says
Duck (or quack)
Dog
kitty (kkkkk is what she actually says, but we know it's kitty)
Mama
bye (or something like it)
uh-oh (my favorite)
tickle
no (complete with shaking head)
all-done
oo-dat (who's that)
dat (that)

She claps (when you sing "if you're happy and you know it" as well as at other times)
She waves
She gives high-fives
She gives kisses (complete with the mmmmmm-wah noise)
She hugs
she plays peek-a-boo & sometimes she says pee-boo(since May)

She does a sign for "more" (it's not actually the more sign, but it's close) and she usually says all-done (or screams) (hasn't done the sign for it)

Summer nights...

Last night, after dinner, we went to the park. What's the best way to insure you see a friend there? Wear no make-up and don't do your hair! That will do it every time! We ran into a friend who lives very close by, but we never see anymore. Both of our lives are crazy! She and I met shopping one day right after we had K (26 months) and her baby (B).

When we met, we stood chatting in the baby aisle for a while and it turned out our little girls were 2 days apart, we both knew some of the same people at [Local Major University], we lived fairly close to each other, and we both LOVE coffee. We traded email addresses and met for coffee a few times before our maternity leaves ended. After we went back to work, she came over for a couple of play dates and then life got too crazy.

Anyway, as we were walking over to the park, I called to see if she was home and to see if she wanted to join us at the park. No answer, so I left a message. When we got to the park, she, her husband, her dog and her little girl were already there playing. N (4.5) loved playing with the dog. T swang and toddled. K and B played, and the adults chatted as much as possible. It was a lovely evening. It was exactly the way summer nights were meant to be. Low-key, relaxing and fun.

going down!

I have not lost very much weight in the last 2 months. I am still firming up, but I don't want to be at this weight forever. It finally dawned on me that perhaps eating ~900 calories of ice cream a night is preventing me from losing weight. Yea, I'm quick like that. I've decided to only eat half a pint of ice cream a night. If I only eat 1/2 a pint, that's 3150 calories less a week and a pound is 3500 calories. I've also decided that I need to work out at least 3 times a week instead of 2. This new "program" ought to help.

Today, I went to the fitness center for workout #1 this week. At the end of the workout I stepped on the scale. The official weight is 1X5.5. (On Wednesday, on the same scale, it was 1X3, but we'll go with 1X5.5 as the official weight since today was the official start to this endeavor.) The official pre-pregnancy weight (before N even) is 1(X-1)8. That means I need to lose 7.5 pounds. Not too bad.

I think I may have mentioned that I am guessing my hips and legs are going to end up skinnier than they were before kids when all is said and done. My stomach... I'm glad I've seen Shape of a Mother. All things considered, my stomach is not doing too bad. I got a few stretch marks, but they are really low. A bikini would have to be really really skimpy to show them. My stomach is bigger than I want it to be, but perhaps eating less ice cream will help.

One year ago

One year ago tonight, I let 2 little girls paint my belly. I was about 36 weeks pregnant with T and N wanted to paint my large belly. I let N and K go at it with water-based paints. It was so much fun. I have a wonderful memory of the evening, pictures (and a video) from it. Here's one. My little girls! N shows off her painting in that picture.

T shoes

So T is a walker...

She still prefers to crawl, but she's toddling on two legs more and more often. She's going to want to walk outside fairly soon and she's never worn shoes. I dug out a pair of N's old Robeez and she's wearing those for now, but soon we'll need more than that. We went shopping and got these. They are so cute. They are silly big on her for now but before the summer ends she'll be wearing them and they'll fit.

Before I had babies, I always thought baby shoes were cute, but then I realized baby feet were cuter. None of my girls wore shoes until they learned to walk because I just loved their little naked feet!

Over the last year, I tried to put shoes on T a couple of times and she wouldn't have anything to do with them... She liked her feet bare too. When we went to the store to get those shoes, we tried them on T and she seemed fairly interested in wearing them. The girl has good taste I thought. She wore them after we bought them out of the store until she started chewing on them--mmmm....good taste...literally.

Saturday...

Daddy says confidently...

"T is still wearing her jammies."

Then in a less confident voice ..........
"These are jammies right?"

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This morning T (11 months) and I went to the grocery store. I was handing her stuff and she was throwing it in the back for me. I handed her a bag of tortilla chips and she started hugging them. I asked if she could give them kisses and she started going Mmmmmm-wah. The people around us were cracking up. She was being especially cute.

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I often reach a point in the morning when I feel as if I can't go on. When life is too much. When this happens I KNOW I need coffee. Then I get some and I can face life again.


*****************

K (26 months) managed to spill guacamole and a fruit smoothy I made her (yogurt, blueberries, peaches blended) at lunch.

*****************

Now we're heading out to look at things for the bathroom... I don't think I told you but the contractor finally started working on our new house! The first floor is all gutted and he's framing the new shower in our bedroom and the new walk-in closet. Someday I'll have to tell you more about that, but who knows when I'll have time.

More on "Duck"

T (11 months) is saying Duck whenever she sees a duck... The wild thing is that she's saying it just like K (26 months) did when she was first learning to talk. K used to say "Duhck Duhck Duhck" and it kind of sounded like a cross between duck and quack and it also sounds a little (tonally) like this little duck toy we have that quacks. Because of the toy, I'm not surprised that T says it the same way. However, it is wild to hear the same sound all over again.

My little girls have a lot of similarities. Also a lot of differences, but ... boy I'm quickly getting cliché here! I'll stop now and spare us all.

Sometimes....

Sometimes it's hard for me to let go of my stress... It's stress inertia. I get so wound up that I can't relax. When I'm so stressed I often think it's just the stress holding me together.

Is it possible to have some balance and NOT BE SO STRESSED?

Emerging

I'm emerging from my own little warp bubble*.

-My Mom is just out of the procedure for getting her pacemaker. She's groggy and my Dad hasn't gotten to talk with the doctor yet, so I don't have that much news. I'm just thankful she's groggy at this point!

-My friend who is leaving the country and I said goodbye yesterday. I am sad.

-T says "Duck" when she sees duckies now. Very very cute. She definitely can walk, and does 10 steps or more often, but she still prefers to crawl because she can go so much faster!

-I got a piece of software that was DRIVING ME CRAZY to work. I wasted a lot of time trying to figure it out. It turns out, my computer needed a restart and that's why the software was misbehaving.






*Geeky reference to a Star Trek episode. My own personal warp bubble is where I go to hide, and in the episode it was that someone was trapped in one, not going there to hide. (Major points if you can tell me which episode I'm thinking about!)

Overwhelmed

Note to self...

I must never think that life will ever calm down. I must never think that life will ever calm down. I must never think that life will ever calm down. I must never think that life will ever calm down. I must never think that life will ever calm down. I must never think that life will ever calm down. I must never think that life will ever calm down. I must never think that life will ever calm down. I must never think that life will ever calm down. I must never think that life will ever calm down.

I don't think I thought that life would calm down... Maybe I did for a fleeting second, but I swear, I was thinking way out... Like next January... Not NOW. I TAKE IT BACK. I ACCEPT THAT LIFE WILL FOREVER BE INSANE. I embrace it. I love my insanity. Insanity is fun! Fun!

There's just so much going on here that I can't breathe.

The good things ... Miss N LOVES the planet Saturn. And why wouldn't she since it has all those seductive rings. She calls it Satur. Tonight she and I surfed the web looking at all the planets. It was fun. Four year olds are fun!

Miss T is pretty much a walker. She's taken 10 steps in a row many times and she's starting to get confident. She's got the balance and ability, but she does need more confidence. I could have declared her a walker on her 11 month birthday because she did 10 steps, but I didn't. She can walk, but she prefers to crawl still. I think that's why I don't call her a walker totally... (you'll notice I said pretty much). In the last couple of days she's seemed to want to walk more. She's attempted to traverse a distance (usually less than 5 feet) while walking rather than automatically dropping to her feet. I have also successfully captured 10 steps on video and if I get a second someday I'll post it on the web. (I would bet I won't get a chance to do this until after this week.)

Miss K (26 months) is so sweet and so smart and still sleeping with me at night. "Sleep with you Mommy!"

My husband is wonderful.

It's no longer as hot here. Still hot, but more of a normal hot. Not the flesh melting heat we had over the weekend.

These (above) are the good things in my life.

I have a long post in which I belabor the point that is stressing me almost written. You'll just have to wait.

Other stuff...
Work is busy but good, but busy. Did I mention busy?

My friend is leaving in just a few days. I am sad.

My Mom is getting a pacemaker in a few days so please think good thoughts for her. She and my Dad are supposed to come visit in August and her cardiologist said that the procedure for the pacemaker won't stop her from making the trip. I hope he's right. I was surprised at how minimal of a surgery (the link explains about it) it is for a pacemaker. I hope that the pacemaker helps her. My Mom just had another procedure done last Friday... I'll fill you in on that later. I am worried about her.

The NB is sick again. At least she called to give me warning this time and didn't just come infect us all. The cold she gave us the last time knocked my husband flat for 2 weeks. The sucky thing is that I have something I NEED to do for work tomorrow and I NEED someone. My other nanny is with the other family.

I also had plans with my friend (tomorrow night) who is leaving and now I'm not sure if I'll be able to go given NB's cold... Unless the stars align and I can get someone else to help tomorrow night. (One person can't do it and I just emailed a second... There's a third possibility, but I don't really want to use her.) Arrgh! Always something.

It's almost 10 pm and it's still HOT

Muy Caliente! It's 84 outside and 92+ degrees upstairs inside. (It's only about 84 downstairs inside.) The heat is trapped inside. We've had the air conditioner on all day. Around 8:30 pm when the temperature outside got lower than the temperature inside we opened all the windows and turned the fans on, but it's still frickin' hot. I heard it hit 107 today. I also heard 102.

However hot it was, it was really hot yesterday and today. One online site said it's supposed to be 7 degrees cooler tomorrow (on Monday). I have seen forecasts for 91-95 degrees. By Wednesday, the forecast says it will be reasonable again (in the 80's). Right now, it's just sweltering here. It's often warm, but this is a heat wave.

Our air conditioner isn't powerful enough for the size of house on hot days. There are only about 3 weeks a year where you NEED air conditioning, and we're in the midst of them right now. There are only a few days a year that are just unbearable, so I can't complain too much, but I am.

I remember last July. We didn't have air conditioning. I was hugely pregnant. It was no fun. This year we have air conditioning, and I'm not hugely pregnant (nor even a little pregnant) and it's still NO fun. Part of the reason is that when it's hot, I get numb.

I need to take a moment to write about how numb I feel (see this about numb). I believe that it happens every summer that I feel numb, but I can't remember for sure. I'm going to write it down so I can remember next year. And so I can know that I'm not getting worse, but it just happens each time we have a heat wave.

Right now, my feet feel very prickly and it often feels like I've got a big wad of gum stuck to my foot (a weird nerve thing that causes that sensation). My hands are very numb too. My feet just feel HOT. Last night I had an ice pack sitting on them, but it still felt like the skin was on fire.

My thighs hurt and feel weak and tight at the same time. It's just not fun. I have no energy. I can't get anything done during the day because it's too hot. I know it hasn't been hot forever, but it feels like it. My husband and I are both fairly snippy. We know it's the heat, but we're trying not to talk too much so that we don't snip at each other. I am hopeful that the heat breaks tomorrow (like the forecast says).

When it's this hot, I have fantasies of just driving in my car and keeping the a/c cranked. It's just hot. It's ironic because where I grew up it was often cold in the winter and my favorite place to be in the winter there was in the car with the heater cranked.

Today, we almost went to a place where it is MUCH cooler than where we are. It's about 1.5 hours away, but today, after driving for an hour we hit major traffic and we were only about 1/2 way there... so we turned around and went to the Children's Museum in our area. It was a little cooler than our house. At least the girls were entertained. 3 little girls are hard to keep cool and entertained in a heat wave.

Tonight, I declared the upstairs of our house too damn hot. We're all sleeping downstairs. My husband and I in the guest room, T (11 months) in her portable crib in the dining room (she's not happy about this arrangement and is still crying), and N (4.5 years and K 26 months) on the air mattress in the play room/den. I hope N thinks this is fun. I hope she doesn't freak about it. Yea, we need to get them in bed, but it's just too hot!

Happy Birthday KJ. Hope it's not too hot there! Thank you for the un-birthday present! I love it. You knew I would!

By popular demand...

(I can say popular demand because 2/3's of my commenters have asked for the recipe. Nevermind that I only have 3 commenters. Heh.)

We discovered Tres Leche in Costa Rica in 1997. My husband and I went there when he was on a sabbatical (but he wasn't my husband yet). We had a wonderful time and someday I'll put in the notes from our trip. Costa Rica is an amazing place. My neice just returned from there (2 days ago).

Tres Leches Cake

Cake:
6 eggs, separated
2 cups sugar
2 cups flour
3 tsp. baking powder
1/2 cup milk
2 tsp. vanilla

Sauce:
1 can (13 oz.) evaporated milk
1 can (14 oz.) sweetened condensed milk
1 can (225 grams) Crema Media (Light Cream)*

Frosting:
2 egg whites
Dash of salt
2 Tbsp. white corn syrup
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/3 cup water
2 tsp. vanilla

Beat egg whites until peaks form.** Add sugar gradually. Add yolks; beat 3 minutes. Combine flour and baking powder; add to egg mixture alternately with milk. Add vanilla. Pour into well greased 9 X 13-inch pan. Bake at 350 degrees F. for 30 to 40 minutes. Pour sauce ingredients into blender; blend. Punch holes in cake with toothpick while yet warm; pour sauce over cake (after it has cooled a bit 10 or so minutes). Allow cake to cool in refrigerator before frosting.

To make frosting: mix all ingredients in the top of double boiler. Cook for 7 to 10 minutes while beating constantly. Frost cake. Keep refrigerated.

*Can be found in Mexican food store. If unable to find, the same amount of heavy whipping cream may be substituted. (Note: I've never found it. I've used half and half instead. Still plenty of fat!)

**I think the secret is to beat the egg whites really stiff.

YUM!

The cake is excellent, but the frosting is very different from the one we had in Costa Rica. I just found this variation and I think I might try this frosting next time.

1 cup Whipping cream
1 teaspoon of vanilla
1/2 cup of sugar

Whip until thick. Spread over top of cake.

Little Chimpanzee

N (4.5) is such a little chimpanzee*... She's constantly cleaning stuff out of T's (11 months) eyes or off her face or looking at her hair... It's hilarious. The other day she announced that she was going to get a booger out of T's nose. I said...

"You can't pick your sisters or their noses." Then I laughed.

She didn't get it.

*Grooming one another (cleaning the hair of another chimp) is a major occupation among chimpanzees in a group. From http://www.enchantedlearning.com/subjects/apes/chimp/

Sisters!

This is one of my favorite pictures.

You can't see what they are doing exactly, but even if you could, I'm not sure you could understand what they are doing. But THEY know what they are doing. They play. They have their own little world.

As their mother, I will be sort of part of their world, but not really. They are the sisters. They will play and laugh and do things that no one else will understand. I will be privvy to some of it, but not all of it. As it should be.

One of my favorite things is when N (4.5) and K (26 months) just start playing make-believe in the morning. Many of the things N says make no sense to me. Who knows if they make sense to K, but she just agrees with N and keeps playing. I love watching.

I have 3 brothers, but they are much older than me so I never really played with them as a kid. I never got to experience what is in that picture. I am so happy that my little girls have each other. Even if they fight, they are still lucky to get moments like that picture.

I have a series of K and T (11 months) playing too. It is just too cute too. If you email me / leave me a comment I will send you a link to it.

ABC's

I saw this on Nino's blog and wanted to do it

[a is for age:]
thirty-something! I have to do math to remember how old I actually am. In my mind I am not any older than 31. In reality, I am closer to 40 than 30, but I am firmly thirty-something. And since 50 is the new 30, I'm only in my teens!

[b is for booze of choice:]
I actually don't like the taste of any. I used to drink tequilla in my crazy youth.

[c is for career:]
Researcher

[d is for your dog's name:]
Don't have a dog right now. We will when the girls are older. I really like the name Xena. She'll be a big, happy, black mutt-of-a-dog. The last dog I had was named Puff.

[e is for essential items you use/love everyday:]
My powerbook. I love my Mac! I can't stand to be away from it for very long. My husband... (same thing, I can't stand to be away from him for very long!). My little girls... same thing!

[f is for favorite song(s) at the moment:]
My formative years were late 80s early 90s tunes. I so rarely get to listen to my own music in the car any more that I can't tell you anything off the top of my head.

[g is for favorite games:]
I used to love this game. I played it for many hours when I should have been writing my dissertation. Someday I'll have time to play it again.

[h is for hometown:]
TMI

[i is for instruments you play:]
Flute, not for years though.

[j is for jam or jelly you like:]
My friend makes a freezer jam that I love, it was raspberry last summer and it was the best jam I've ever had. I'm not a big fan of the stuff otherwise.

[k is for kids:]
Three. Hence, the blog.

[l is for last kiss:]
My wonderful husband. (New nickname for my husband ... MWH for short!)

[m is for most admired trait:]
Intelligence and humor. (Both traits of MWH)

[n is for name of your crush:]
MWH, followed by Alan Alda (but he's a little old for me). (But note, the similarities between MWH and Alan... They are both smart and funny. My husband is more handsome though! But Alan, he is very dignified looking... and in his younger years, fairly cute.)

[o is for overnight hospital stays:]
One for each little girl. (Two nights with N and one night with K and T.)

[p is for phobias:]
Spiders. I have a "spider scream." I see one and I do this distinct scream and my husband comes running. The bigger the spider the LOUDER the scream. I'm not paralyzed by them, but I really don't like them.

[q is for quotes you like:]
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
Margaret Mead


[r is for biggest regret:]
I try not to do things I'll regret. Even things that don't always work out the best way usually have a positive side to them. Call me an optimist.


[s is for sweets of your choice:]
Chocolate. I prefer it in the form of a Mocha or ice cream.

[t is for time you wake up:]
Every day is different. K is our alarm clock these days. We rarely get up before 8, and sadly, even more rarely get up after 10.

[u is for underwear:]
Yes.

[v is for vegetables you love:]
Spinach is one of my faves... as in salad... A lot of others.... (peas, corn, tomatoes, broccoli, zucchini, red pepper, etc.)

[w is for worst habit:]
Blogging too much?
Not cleaning enough.
Stressing out over the little unimportant things.
Not having enough confidence.
Take your pick! You choose which is the worst!
(Using exclamation points too often is also an option!)

[x is for x-rays you've had:]
Dental and when I broke my arms. I've broken 3 arms. One when I was 8, then 14 and then 24. I hope I've outgrown that!

[y is for yummy food you make:]
I bake a mean cake. I won first prize in a cook-off (for my Tres Leche cake).

[z is for zodiac sign:]
Aquarius

Now you know my ABC's... Play along with me and do this on your blog and leave me a comment to tell me you've done it! Everyone is tagged if they want to be!

Oh... One funny alphabet and T (11 months) thing. She will grab our alphabet toy from the refrigerator and make it sing the ABC's and then she'll go ... AAAAAAAAAAAY! So cute. I do think it's imitation. She's learning to talk! (Still not an official walker.)

Silly, random musings and memories

Yesterday, I went to work and I got my favorite parking space! I love this space because it's close to the cafeteria and my building. (You can see my priorities!)

It was lunchtime when I got to work so I had to first go get food and then go to my building. My favorite parking place makes it so easy to do this. When I get to park in my favorite spot, I can leave all my bags in my car and just go in to the cafeteria and get food and then grab my bags as I walk to my building. I LOVE that parking space.

Did I mention that sometimes I get excited over very little things?

I went in and got my lunch and I found that the cafeteria has coke with sugar for sale. NOT CORN SYRUP coke, real sugar coke. I was so excited. I bought a bottle and asked the cashier if they'll always have coke with sugar. She said she thought so. I AM SO EXCITED. My favorite parking place and real coke.... All in one day????? It really doesn't get much better.

I was shocked to find coke with sugar at my cafeteria at work. I searched high and low for it during passover when it's supposed to be sold, and couldn't find it. On a random day in July, it was for sale? I never ever expected it. Someday I'll write more about coke and sugar and corn syrup, but not today.

And yesterday morning, T slept until 10 am. Our lovely sleepy T! She wakes up to nurse around 7 and then she goes back to sleep until 10. Did I mention this is excellent? She slept that late again today. Yippee! She's still not "officially a walker" in my book, but still very close.

Huh?... I thought N, my first baby, walked right at 11 months. It turns out I declared her a walker at 11 months 1 week. Here's what I wrote at 11 months 6 days...

Can you believe how fast they grow up????????? N is really close to being a walker... She regularly take 5-6 steps between objects now and her confidence in her ability to walk is growing. (It's so fun to watch the development progress. First it was one or two steps... then 3-4 and now 5-6 and it just keeps getting more frequent that she's willing to try and take those 5-6 steps... She's into EVERYTHING too!)

The next day she did 11 steps and we caught it on video and we declared her a walker. 3 days later I chased her as she ran around a party my work had. (She literally was running away and giggling as she did it. She could do more than 30 steps at a time by then.)

She had the croup a couple of days after she turned 11 months, so being sick might have slowed her down a little in the walking arena.

When I look back at the journal I had for N when she was little, and how "messy" it is, I just want to go clean it up and reformat it, but I don't have time. My game plan is to get all the memories, books, pictures (they are actually sort of organized because of my picture web site), and videos all cleaned up and organized when the girls are in high school and can help! Fun fun. We'll have big time production going at our house then.

I keep grabbing the video camera.... (EDITED)

New section added and just generally a little more coherent.

I keep grabbing the video camera and following T around... She's 11 months and her sisters both took more than 10 steps (my definition of becoming a walker) at 11 months (N) and 11 months 1 day (K)... She has done 6 steps, 8 steps (several times) and 10 steps (once) but I haven't caught it on video yet. I hope soon!!!!!!

But then I don't know why I hope soon. She's my last baby. Why do I want her to walk so quickly? Why am I not savoring her last bits of babyness? Because she's so cute when she's trying to walk. And because she knows that she is doing something really important and she looks so proud. When they are all walking, I will be in trouble! I'm happy and sad again.

One more thing about this learning-to-walk-thing. On Sunday, T would walk as long as she was holding on to something, and she'd occasionally try to walk without holding on. But on Monday, literally just overnight, she started letting go and trying to walk all the time on her own. Something clicked and she wanted to do it. It's so very cool to watch this! The first time was so awe-inspiring, but the third time, it's just so nice because I can stand back and watch and notice different things.

Oh, K didn't nurse this morning. She nursed like a little fiend last night though.

I cancelled a meeting today. I'm so proud of myself. I only had one meeting set up today at work. I have to drive 25 minutes one-way to work (50-60 minutes total). It seemed silly to drive an hour for a meeting that would only be one hour. I felt a little guilty cancelling this meeting because the first time I set it up, I forgot about it and didn't show. (OOPS!) The second time we tried to set it up we emailed about it and never confirmed. And today, I cancelled. I had good reason. In addition to the hour drive, I also didn't have my regular nanny. I don't like to leave this substitute one with all 3.

So instead of sitting in a fairly boring meeting, I got a lot of cleaning done (the house actually is starting to get organized). I got the cakes all ready (Tres Leche and ice cream) for our Good Bye party tonight. I even got to spend quality time with all 3 girls individually today. Yippee!

In the midst of my cleaning and baking, I was feeling like perhaps I could get a handle on my crazy life. That I really need to NOT go in to work so often. And I was feeling smug. And then I found out one of the projects I work on that was winding down just got new funding.

And now I'm going to get even busier. Unless I can get off the project. And I think I'll have a hard time doing that because I'm the only one where I work that does a certain type of statistical analysis that is needed on this project. And it is time consuming. And they (and me too) have invested a lot of time and money to make me the expert. I do like doing the analysis. It's sort of soothing in a numerical way.

NOTE TO SELF... DON'T THINK LIFE WILL EVER BE CALM--IT NEVER WILL BE.

It's still hot here. How is it where you are?

Oh...... ONE NEW BIG THING....We've started the remodel on our NEW HOUSE. Yippee!!!! I'm so thrilled! More soon.

Me=Grumpy

I am so tired tonight. I still have to bake a cake for a dinner tomorrow night with some friends. The ones that are moving away. Far away. I am sad.

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Yesterday at the Zoo we had fun. The girls were really good. K and her Daddy rode the zoo train and she LOVED it. N got to feed birds and goats, but wasn't that into the train idea so we skipped it. (I was shocked that N didn't want to ride the train. This girl went through a train phase from 2.5 - 3.5. We have so many Thomas the Train Engines it's ridiculous.) T got very excited by all the sheep and goats at the petting zoo. She petted them. Pretty cute.

Anyway, the girls liked seeing the animals, but they like touching and climbing on the statues of the animals at the zoo even better. When they can actually interact with the animals, they love it. My husband finds it depressing going to Zoos. I can't decide. Sometimes I find them depressing and sometimes I don't.

On the whole, Zoos do a lot of good. Some of the best conservation programs are done through Zoos. I think about that and I don't find zoos too depressing. But sometimes you look in the eyes of an animal and you see that they would rather not be in the zoo. Zoos educate many people about animals. and if they can make the world a better place on the whole for animals, is it worth it? I don't know.

Anyway, it's hot and I'm tired. We went to the zoo yesterday because the zoo nearest us is always 20 degrees cooler than where we are. It was about 70 at the zoo. It was lovely. Now I'm boiling and I'm grump-grump-grumpy. And I have to bake. That will make me cooler. NOT. And my dance class tonight was not fun. And I just want my kids to go to bed before 10-freakin-30. On Monday nights they always end up staying up really late because of my dance class. GRRR.

Okay... me and my grumpiness are signing off for the night.

Wean.... Part 9

According to this search thingymajig, I have written 8 other posts talking about weaning.

(NOTE, sometimes the search thingy says I've only written 1 post, but I have written at least 8 others. Maybe more. The search thingy does say Beta, but really, Blogspot is owned by GOOGLE, so you'd think they could do search right.)

I want K (26 months) to wean, but I am also sad when I think it might be happening too.

Yesterday (Sunday) she didn't nurse. I was happy and sad. We were very busy. We went to the Zoo! (It was LOTS of fun. If I get time I'll write more about that.) This morning, the first thing she did when she woke up was ask to nurse. Again mixed feelings. I was happy and sad. More happy than sad, but also wondering if she will ever wean. She will. Logically I know that.

I pretty much did child-led weaning with N when she weaned. N was 15 months when she weaned. She just wasn't ever into nursing. N LOVED food. From her first taste of rice cereal, she loved all food. I just had my husband go get N up for a couple of mornings and then we were done. N never asked to nurse again. Well, not until K was born, and she decided she wanted to nurse since her new little sister was, bu that was 13 months later, so it doesn't count. Her wanting to nurse then was sibling rivalry. So N was easily weaned.

K, however, has never been into food. It took until she was 8 months before I could get her to eat a few things. She loved to nurse. Since I was pregnant with T I had to work hard to get her to eat other foods because my body was working on nourishing T too. K became an okay eater, but has never liked fruit or veggies. I feel good that she gets some nourishment from me. I know my milk is very good for her.

Since I had T (now almost 11 months), K has been loving nursing. I want to have K be okay with weaning, and she's clearly not ready. She only nurses 1 or 2 times a day. She loves it. It's good for her. She's not that old. She's older than I ever expected that I would have a kid nurse, but she's not that old.

Yes, K talks, and she asks for nursing and we discuss, but she also is still a baby. I think some of my mixed feelings come from the fact that ours is not a breastfeeding culture. If it were, I would see other women nursing their older toddlers, but I don't. I don't worry about what others think, because really it's not any of their business. I don't think very many people know I nurse K. Occasionally I tell another Mom, and I do so with pride. Pride that my body made it through a pregnancy and that my toddler still nurses. But part of me wishes she'd wean. I wish I didn't have that part. She will when she is ready.

Because I got pregnant so quickly after K was born, I felt guilty that she didn't get to be "my baby" for very long. She became a big sister so quickly. Now I want to give her a chance to make some decisions about being a baby or being a big girl. When she snuggles with me and nurses I don't feel mixed feelings. I just feel like her Mom. That's nice. For my own sake, I'm going to concentrate on that. She will wean when she is ready. She will be my nursling until then.

Very Random

I don't feel like I've done a very random post in a while. I am probably wrong, but I feel I've been pretty good at containing my posts to one or two subjects.

Anyway, this post is going to be all over the map!

1. Miss N (4.5) watched a "Magic Schoolbus" episode where they built a bridge. She decided she needed to build a bridge. When she gets something in her head, look out. She and I went on a quest for popsicle sticks yesterday. We found them and bought 2 packages (450 total) and some Elmer's Glue. She knew just what she wanted to do. I'll share pictures soon.

2. Miss K (2) still shows no interest in weaning. She's nursing 1 or 2 times a day. Miss T (almost 11 months) is showing more of an interest in weaning than Miss K. That's not entirely true, but she is cutting back how much milk she is drinking and I find myself pumping more and fighting the urge to ask Miss K if she wants to nurse. I never offer Miss K the chance to nurse. She has to ask. Occasionally I will tell her no, but usually she only asks when she is tired (or really hungry during the day and then I get her real food).

Since I would like Miss K to wean in the next six months, I am just pumping and not letting her help me out of feeling "full." I think I mentioned that I might have to do another business trip in August. I think I told you that I learned that I don't want to take Miss T with me (because of the trip 2 weeks ago). So I'm using the "fullness" and pumping more and freezing it in case I have to go. I'm not sure how my b*r*e*a*sts will feel about me only taking my pump and no baby, but I think I can manage if it's not more than 48 hours. (I hope..... 'cause really it would be embarrassing to leak while leading a training session.)

3. Speaking of leaking or squirting... (This story is for Nino. I promised it a long time ago!) Sometimes K will pull off while she's nursing and it will squirt her. She'll laugh and say, "Mommy, you're squirting me with milk!" Then Miss N (4.5) will come over and say, "Squirt me, squirt me Mama!" Since she is a former nursling, I do. I wouldn't squirt just anybody, but she laughs and laughs when I squirt her.

4. 3 little girls... Taken on Easter Sunday after we went on a walk and got caught in a rain shower. We plopped them all into a nice warm bath because the rain had been so cold. Pretty cute!

5. One of the first foods I fed all of the girls was black beans. It's a really good first baby food. Nutritious and easy to mash into little bits.

6. When I was pregnant with K (2) I craved soy milk. I had never really liked it before. Now, on the outside, Miss K LOVES soy milk. She gets so excited about it.

I craved ALL FOOD ALL THE TIME when I was pregnant with N. That's how she is. She eats EVERYTHING.

When I was pregnant with T I craved bacon. I haven't given that to her yet. We'll see if she loves it. I craved fried chicken with her too and she does like chicken wings.


7. Even though I'm sure I could think of more random things, T's nap is over and so this post must end.

Extremely tired

I have two more posts almost done... Maybe I'll be able to work on them soon, but I have a lot going on at work and everytime I sit down at my computer to do something for me, I don't feel like I can and then I end up working instead.

I am so tired. Last night I went to bed at 1, and T (10.5 months) woke up at 2:30 (just for a midnight snack and went right back to sleep) but that was 2 times up (once to get her and then once to put her back in her crib). Then I promised I'd check in at 6 am because I have a colleague in another time zone (earlier than us) and he needed me.

I got up at 6:20 and stayed up doing some work until almost 7. I then collapsed back in bed. K (2) thought 7:30 was a good time to get up. I fended her off by nursing/snuggling until 8. I finally gave in and got up at 8. Best case scenario I got 5.5 hours of sleep. Bleh.

I hate it when I'm so tired that all I want to do is moan and say, "I'm tired." That's how I feel right now.

Maybe I can catch a half hour nap. N (4.5) and I are home and maybe she'll watch a video. Hmmmmm.... It might make me a new woman! (Just did that ... I feel a little better. Love the power nap thing!)

Oh, I got a compliment today at work... "Really, you've had 3 children? You don't look like you've had 3 children." Heh. It must be the eye make-up I use. Good stuff Maynard!

Actually this person was complimenting me on my weight loss. He knew me before children and then he saw me when I was pregnant and huge last summer. He also saw me again right after T was born. I do look a LOT better than I did in October. Much thinner!

[start weighty discussion]

I gained about 40 pounds with each pregnancy. After each birth I was large and flabby. I didn't like being large and flabby, bu I KNEW I would lose the weight.

I love to exercise and I think being in shape is very important for health reasons. Over the last 4 years I've lost over 100 pounds... Kind of scary when you think about that. I never was more than 42 pounds heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight, but talk about yo-yo... I went up 42 with N, lost 41 pounds, gained 35 with K, lost 25 of it and then gained 30 with T and I've lost about 35 pounds. (Which would lead you to think I was below my pre-pregnancy weight, but remember when I got pregnant with T I still had about 10 pounds to lose from K's pregnancy.)

I'm now closer to my pre-pregnancy weight than I have been in a long time (since about October 2003). It's the last 5-7 pounds though and those are the hardest. I didn't lose the last 5 until I stopped breastfeeding N. Since I am planning to breastfeed T until she's 2 I may be stuck at this weight for a while. I'm just planning to work out as much as I can and we'll see what happens.

[end weighty discussion]

Speaking of T... Her first birthday is quickly approaching. I have an idea for a theme for it. More on that soon. I'll need some of your opinions about what I'm thinking! I can't believe my baby is almost a year old. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?????

Life

I have most of another post written, but then I went to my friend's house tonight. You know, the one who is moving abroad for a couple of years. She's packing and trying to give away as much stuff as possible.

I've been in denial that she's leaving. But seeing her house torn apart and being put into boxes made it all very real. She's leaving. In 2 weeks. I am very sad. I don't feel like posting something else. I will miss her. She's being very strong. I will miss her so much.

N & K

My husband and I are not morning people. Neither is N. I had to take her to work with me on Monday (yesterday) morning. I asked her if she wanted to go on Sunday night and she said yes. We talked about what I would do (meeting) and what she would do (watch a video on my computer) and how after the meeting and video we'd get lunch and then go to preschool.

She was excited. Then she looked at me and said, "We don't have to go in early do we?" "No," I replied. "Good because if we get up early, we'll be too tired to do work."

***********

Tonight, K wanted to go shoe shopping. She looked at a catalogue of shoes and started crying that she needed to go to the "shoe store" NOW. I was cracking up. My husband looked worried.



I love my girls!

Trip Report

Last week I took a business trip and took T (10.5 months) along. Since she is still nursing it made sense to me before the trip. Hindsight tells me I should have just gone down for the day on Thursday and just done a day trip rather than an overnight trip. However, if I would have done that I wouldn't have learned that T can't go with me if I have to do a business trip in August. (More on that later. And please keep your fingers crossed that I won't have to go on one in August.)

Positives of the trip....
-Got to walk around a great old downtown that is reinvigorated
-Only had one baby with me on the trip
-Got to talk with some people I have worked with and learned more about what they need
-Learned more about what I should focus on for me to make myself a better _n_____ __m_____ _a___.


Negatives
-(*&%)!&%^$%@ hotel beds

-being exhausted yet NOT ABLE TO SLEEP

-Hotel rooms and air conditioning... they always dry me out. Since I was worried about getting my husband's cold/sinus infection I was freaked.

-Being awake until 5 am not being able to sleep because of the stupid bed and because I'm stressed because of travel. I slept from midnight - 2:30 and 5:30 - 6:30. Not a lot of sleep.

-One baby with me on the trip T (10.5 months), and she can't sleep either.

-I'm frickin' numb

-saying the wrong thing to one woman at the social gathering Wednesday night. (I didn't say anything horrible, but I said something that probably showed I was confused about who she was.)

-getting an important man confused with another man. Seriously, this important man is very important and I thought he was someone else.... His name is similar to the other man. Actually there are 3 men with similar names and I couldn't place who important man was because I was confusing his name with the other two names that are similar to his.

Say one man is named Ed Smith, one is named Joe Jones and one is named Ed Jones (not their real names). My boss knows Ed Smith and Joe Jones well. Ed Jones is the famous one and my boss knows him fairly well, but not as well as Ed Smith and Joe Jones. Being sleep deprived I thought Ed Jones was Ed Smith or Joe Jones, and I greeted him all friendly-like.

I hardly explained who I was because if it had been Ed Smith or Joe Jones, either of them would have know a lot about me. But Ed Jones, he probably only barely knows my boss. It's okay because I didn't say anything stupid, and perhaps he just assumes I'm friendly, but I felt stupid because I KNEW my mistake.

I saw Ed Jones the next day after I was way friendly and I acted friendly again so I am hoping that he just thinks that I'm a friendly person. He wasn't that friendly, but he did talk with me at the second event.

-I learned what I need to focus on, but I don't know if I want to. I think I do, but I'm not sure. It takes me away from the new project I want to work on. I just don't have enough hours in the day to do it all. I want to work on the new project. I just don't have a way to get paid yet. I won't ever get to work on the new project if I don't try though.

-Did I mention that I hate the hotel chain I chose to stay at? I just figured it out that I hate them. We had one good experience at them about 3 years ago and 2 other bad ones since then. This will be the third time I haven't liked them so I don't think I'll stay with them again. Their beds are so hard.

Did I mention that I really don't like to travel? Thank goodness I don't have to for work very often!

The wedding

Sans children. Wow. It was lovely having time with my husband but we both were a little unsure of what to do with ourselves since normally we are chasing children. It's been so long since we sat down to eat and we both ate until we were done without getting up because someone bolted from the table. (I think it's been years since that happened!) We sat at a table where there was a baby. She was one year. She was the bride's neice so she was allowed at the wedding/reception. I watched her mother have to deal with her.

Though I missed my girls, it was nice to not have to leap up and chase a baby (or 3). I watched the Mom of the baby and the flower girl's Mother chase them. I watched the flower girl's Mom separate the flower girl and her brother when they were rolling around on the dance floor fighting. It was nice. My husband and I got to dance. It was fun. I miss time alone with him. We both did miss the girls though.

I learned something watching the other Moms. Even when their kids were crying/screaming, it didn't bother me. When I'm with our 3 and they are throwing a fit or doing something embarrassing I always assume that everyone is staring at me and we're the center of attention. That a spotlight is shining on us. I think I should probably get over it. In general, people don't care if your kid throws a bit of a fit. Of course, it's always embarrassing to the parent, but most likely not thought about that much by others. (Tell me what you think... Do people notice or not notice?)

We rarely go places that aren't kid friendly. We go to a few restaurants with the girls, but never when they are crowded and all of them are family oriented.

One other thing I observed at the wedding... No one wore pantyhose. I think I only saw one woman wearing hose. I didn't. The bride's mother didn't. The groom's mother did. The bridal party didn't. I think this no hose thing is most excellent. Is this a fashion trend that is going to stay in the summer? I sure hope so! I HATE putting on hose in the summer.

There is more I want to write, about the ceremony, and about my wonderful husband, but I'm too tired... I may have to start doing my entries in installments.

Sleep, pedicures, and goats (OH MY!)

Are you wondering how those three things relate? Well two relate and one is about something else. (One of these things is not like the other...) Can you guess which two relate and which one doesn't?


1. Sometimes T (10.5 months) doesn't want to go to bed. When she's not ready, but it's time, I lay her down and she'll cry/complain for 10 seconds to a couple of minutes and then fall asleep. I don't think this is a bad thing. I don't consider it "CIO," it just happens. However, when she's really tired, I lay her down and she gives out the feeblest little wimpy cry. Because she feels she has to...You know, to keep up her reputation. Of not wanting to go to sleep. But she does. Want to go to sleep. It's so funny. And then she feels the mattress and instantly falls asleep. It is hilarious!

2. Pedicures: I recently got one! Most excellent. I needed it. (Far East Fuschia is the color)

When N was little she loved to watch Baby Van Gogh, or Vincent Van Goat or whatever it was called (Baby Einstein thing). She was completely convinced that goats painted. When I'd get pedicures when she was young, I'd come home and she'd look at my toes and say something about how great it was that the goat painted my toes.

Now that she's four and 1/2 (TODAY) I thought she should know the truth. That goats don't actually give pedicures. So I told her.

She looked at me like I had said, "There's no Santa Claus."

Oh my... She's going to be very disappointed when she goes to get her first pedicure (NOT FOR A LONG TIME) and there aren't actually goats.

The Movie!

I have posted "T-Walking" on my personal web site.... If you want to see it, leave me a comment and your email and I'll send you the link.

In the movie, she's walking while holding on to a toy stroller, but really she's doing a lot of balancing and I'm impressed, but I don't consider her a walker yet. The stroller gives her confidence and some balance, but she has to keep it from going too fast. It's a cheap toy with no brakes.

T is 10.5 months. She's so close to walking. We'll see if she walks on her own by 11 months. N and K were both walking by 11 months. Yesterday T took 4 steps ON HER OWN, but she only did it once. I don't consider my kids "walkers" until they can do 10-20 steps on their own (the criteria I used for both K and N). After 10-20 steps at a time they usually start walking (and falling) everywhere and then stop crawling very quickly.

So after T took 4 steps, she couldn't seem to get her balance again after that, but OH MY... My last baby... She's a growing up. And when she starts trying to walk/take steps, I encourage her.

What am I thinking?

Soon I will have three running in 3 different directions, but I can't help myself. She's just too cute. She's having so much fun. I want her to figure it out so she's happy.

My embarrassing quote of the day

I think you all realize that I'm usually crazy busy. Insanely insane is what my husband and I like to call it.

I'm always working on changing and making my life simpler, but then when I get close to simplifying I always sign up for more new! things to do. I was talking with some friends today and I said, "I really like to overstimulate myself."

Yea... We all fell down laughing on that one. (Is it as funny in writing as it was to us?) Not sure... But I might get some weird hits because of that quote. If you came here because of the word stimulate followed by myself, you probably will be disappointed.

I'm back

I'm back and trying to recover from the trip and catch up. Catching up has been a theme around here for a while. I am feeling hopeful, but today is a CRAZY day, but only because I need to get a lot done. I feel good about things. My friend and colleague KH is helping a lot! Yay!

Here's a list (for myself) of the things I want to blog about soon so that I don't forget. (Remember this blog is my external memory device!)

My wonderful husband
G and her daughter (what she said about great team and how she is as a Mom)
KN (not my little K)
CSWL
Trip Report (almost done)
Types of People
T-walking video
K sleep
N snuggling
Thoughts on nannies and what I've learned over the last 4 years. Over the last four years I've had 11+ people helping me care for the children (lots of part time nannies... This year, coming up, is the first time I'm going to have one-full time nanny. )

More soon... Weekend plans include attending a wedding sans children! Me and my husband! On a date! How exciting!

Packing...

I'm packing to go on this trip for work... I don't want to go, but it will be a good trial run in case I have to go on a longer business trip (3 day) in August. On this trip, it will be fun to see some people I haven't seen in months, and fun to see some I haven't seen for years! I still don't want to go, but I'm trying to make the best of it.

[whine mode]I really don't want to go....[end whine mode]

I spoke with my supervisor... (actually we went to his house for a BBQ today) and it makes sense for me to go... sense in the work sense, kind of crazy in the rest of my life sense. T (10.5 months) will love the alone time with Mommy (on the flight down and back) and sleeping with me in the hotel bed (where I'm sure she'll sleep).

Back in March or April, I wanted to go to this thing... Somehow things that are 2-4 months away aren't as bad as those that are TOMORROW.

So yup, T's first business trip tomorrow. Good times.

Our 4th was full of yummy food and good friends. We were chasing little kids everywhere. I made excellent brownies and an excellent salad (I'll share recipes later). (If I ever have time....)

Lessons

The other day I was going to take N (4) and K (2) to the park for a little picnic. N wanted to take her kitty (stuffed) with a teacup (plastic) on his head. It was his "hat." He liked wearing it. She couldn't be pursuaded to not keep it on him. I didn't want to take it because I knew we would lose it. Even though it was just a plastic teacup, it is part of a cute little set. It drives me crazy to lose one piece of something.



I reasoned with her. I told her she couldn't go to the park if she didn't leave it. She screamed. I got upset and spoke rather loudly. It bordered on yelling, but not as loud or as angry as I've been in the past. (I was tired, but I wasn't really angry.) Finally I had her sit in the chair by the door and K and I walked outside and shut the door. She screamed and sobbed. I counted to 5. I went in and asked if she wanted to go. She said yes... I told her to stop crying. She tried. We left with kitty, but no hat.

And now the point of the story.... (all that was just background)

As she walked out sniffling and sobbing, K said, "Sorry N__N___... Sorry." N replied, "You didn't do anything K." I was expecting her to say, "Mommy wouldn't let me bring kitty and his hat." INSTEAD she said, "I wasn't listening. I should have just listened."

Wow. She's growing up and "getting it." I am proud. All the frustration I felt before was instantly gone. Yay N.

On top of things...

I'm supposed to go somewhere (to a conference for work) on Wednesday. I haven't gotten my plane tickets yet. Yup, it's less than 48 hours until I'm supposed to leave. Yes, I suck. Fortunately the conference is close to where I live so it's not a huge deal because I'll fly Southwest airlines, and they are cheap... so it's not that big of a deal to buy them late.

I just don't want to go. I'm procrastinating. Whenever I don't want to do something I put it off. I finally had an email exchange with the woman I'm supposed to be meeting with at the conference. The exchange didn't encourage me so I'm still trying to decide. My boss thinks I'm going. I have a hotel room booked. I need to make a decision, but I really hate traveling. If it's not going to be that good of a meeting I don't want to go. On the other hand, something good will probably come of the trip, but something not what we planned. (That always happens.) It's so hard to know what to do.

If I go (I can't even bring myself to say when), I'll take T (10.5 months) with me. CSWL (college student we love) is now "home for the summer" and she lives really close to where I'll be so she'll drive to where we are and help with T while I do the conference. T will be with me for nursing.

I just don't want to go.

I feel my life is so easily disrupted and I worry what an overnight trip will do in terms of setting me behind even more than I am already. Having my husband get sick has made me realize what a fragile life I lead. It's so easily disturbed. It's all such a delicate balance.

Did I mention I don't want to go?

Someday I have to write a post about CSWL and how it was having her stay with us and do the au pair thing. It was good. She was fabulous. Now we miss her. She left Saturday. Maybe I just wrote the post. I don't want to go into tons of details, but she really really was fabulous. She's so good with N, K and T.

Don't you want me to stay home? I have the cutest video of T walking with the little stroller that I want to put up for you. But I don't have any time...

Vote in the comments... Should I stay or should I go?

Tired

When K (2) is tired and walking up the stairs for bed she'll say, "I'm too heavy. I can't climb the stairs" That's how I feel right now.

I'm tired. My husband has a sinus infection and he sounds awful. He looks awful. I know he is sick, but it's been hard being Mommy-in-charge without him. I miss him. He does a lot. Except when he's sick. If I get sick, I don't think I get to be as much of a slacker as he does, but that's typical male versus female stuff. He has done more than usual this illness and he sounds awful, but I miss him. I've been rather whiny.

CSWL (college student we love) told me she knew guys who would get sick and their Moms would fly out to care for them. My husband defended his honor by saying he'd never gotten his Mom to fly anywhere to take care of him.

Anyway, N (4) and T (10 months) and I went to a party today. N was a great helper. T chowed on chicken legs tonight. We went to a party a few weeks ago and she was all about the chicken wings. She ate about 3 of them. It was hilarious. She practically attacked me for them. That's how it was again today. She ate a whole chicken leg. Note to self... buy some chicken and make it for her at home. I don't cook with meat that often, but I probably could handle chicken legs.

What else... Candylions. That's what K (2) calls dandelions. Pretty cute.

There's one more funny N story, but it will have to wait. I'm exhausted!

Surprises Part 2

I really couldn't believe it. My first thought was K! How will I have enough milk for K, my baby who doesn't like solids? (She was still pretty much exclusively nursing.) I apologized to K many times on Christmas Day.

I really couldn't believe it. I mean, I knew there was a possibility because my husband and I were "having fun." K was sleeping through the night and we were taking advantage of it (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). BUT we were being careful. I knew when I was ovulating. We still don't know how T came to be exactly.

So Christmas Day we find out that I'm pregnant. Christmas is a Saturday. I have to wait 2 days until Monday to go to the OB and get a quantitative hCG test to start to figure out how far along I am.

On Monday I go in and ask the receptionist for a bloodwork slip for the lab. She tells me my doctor is not in and therefore I can't have the slip. I try to explain that it's an emergency. She asks if I'm spotting, and I reply no.

She says, "You're pregnant, it's not an emergency."
I reply, "I have a 7 month old... IT IS AN EMERGENCY."

She gets the senior receptionist. The senior receptionist listens to my story and says she'll have the on-call doctor sign the bloodwork form. I ask for a quantitative hCG and a progesterone level.

We get the results on Tuesday morning (12/28/04)... (Here's what I have in my journal from then.)


I just got the bloodwork back from the doctor... I am definitely
preggers. hCG was 63,000 something... (I was guessing it would be over
50,000 cause that's part of the range for 7 weeks.) Progesterone 27.8
or 28.7 or 28.4 (can't remember)... I was just glad it was over 20 (it
was LOW with K) and over 20 is good. I go in for an ultrasound
tomorrow (Wednesday) so we should have a better date.

I missed out on the 2WW and the agony of all the time you
have to wait between the positive pregnancy test and the first ultrasound...
This is definitely different than the first 2 times around.

Also from my journal:

I had an ultrasound the today (Wednesday 12/29/04). Right before the ultrasound, my doctor told us a story about another couple who had trouble getting pregnant, just like us, had two kids, thought they were done, and then got pregnant on their own with twins. YIKES!

The blood work from Monday indicated I was about 7 weeks and the ultrasound today showed 7 weeks 1 day, and thankfully only one little one. Seven weeks one day means I conceived exactly around the time I *thought* I was ovulating. We were being careful I still don't know how conception could have happened.

I'm happy that all looks good so far... I'm still in shock, and still think it's completely insane, but I'm happy and worried, and freaked... EDD is 8/14/05.

I am worried about me--given how close the pregnancies are (NOT what I would have planned). I'm worried about being able to breastfeed K for the whole time.... But I'm going to give it my best shot. My doctor said she wouldn't tell me not to try, but that she thought it wold be very challenging for me to get enough calcium and protein, but I'm good at drinking milk and I've been craving meat so I should be ok.

(My husband) has been absolutely great about this... I guess he's as much to blame as I am... Maybe more ;-) He's calm and not worried about three.

Of course, as I told him, this affects my life much more than it does his... it's very true, it will affect me more. I'll be the one nursing. I'll be the one pumping. I'll be the one who has to juggle the kids and the career. He will go to work and get phone calls from me, maybe a few more, and maybe I'll be a little more stressed, but not much will change for him. I've thought a lot about work, what I will do, that we'll need a full-time nanny...

I'm now worried that if something isn't ok in there and this little one doesn't stick, that I'm going to freak out and decide we need a baby sooner rather than later. I do hope it sticks... I am so insane!

I was trying to figure out when we'd do a #3 ... I started thinking about how much baby-ness is different than little-kid-ness... I started to wonder if in 2 years I'd want to try again... I started to worry that maybe that was too long to wait...

Sometimes decisions are made for you.


I did spend the whole pregnancy in denial! And that's how I ended up doing a project for work just 6 weeks after T was born. Denial.