A Special K Day

Today K (19.5 months) and I had a Special K day. We went to the coffee shop and had a mocha and milk (me the mocha, her the milk) and shared a muffin. I know she's had enough muffin when she starts putting it in her mouth and spitting it out. Despite that trick, she was very cute. She entertained and baffled me as she sat in her chair with her nose pressed up against her cup of milk that was sitting on the table. She sat that way for about 2 minutes. I don't know why. I asked her and all she would say was a head nod with a little Hmph while she nodded (her trademark move).

We also went to the grocery store. She had a little kid-size cart and pushed it around. She did GREAT steering it and avoiding people. She did much better than her older sister did the first time her older sister pushed around one of the kid-sized carts. The first time I let N do it she was about 3. Oh my. I still feel sad when I think about the poor woman she ran into. N ran into me several times that day too so I know it hurt. (In all fairness though, the first time N did the "cart-thing" she had to push her own cart while I pushed mine, whereas K had me to help her.) Anyway, K was so proud of herself pushing the little cart. It was so cute! She stayed very focused on her task. (Did I mention that she was adorable while doing this?)

I rarely get to spend alone time with K because right now T (4 months) needs me and it's hard to leave T. I resolved yesterday that today would be a K day though and I did manage to send T off with the nanny. It was so hard watching T leave, but K and I had a lot of fun that we wouldn't have otherwise gotten to have. My little K. She's napping now. I'm going to do my exercise DVD before she wakes and before T and N return home.

Our time away

Our time away from all the girls this afternoon must have caused us to lose our touch. Tonight was just a mess. Everyone was unhappy. Not a fun night. Fortunately the three munchkins have all been asleep for 2 hours or so now. I must go do the same. More details to follow most likely if I can remember them tomorrow when I have time to type.

Edited to add that I started the post earlier than this one so it's actually the previous one. (Sorry for the confusion.)

Snippets from today

Today, my husband and I got a rare day with just the two of us. I don't like to leave all three little girls with any one person for long periods of time because it is overwhelming, but today, both of our nannies (the two half-time ones) were available so we divided the girls and they conquered. My husband and I had lunch out by ourselves and then did some shopping for things to help us. We got a DVD rack because of our growing DVD collection (mostly comprised of Baby Einstein DVD's and Dora). We also went to a bathroom store because we're re-doing the girls' bathroom at our new house. More on that later.

Anyway, as we were eating lunch, we were seated at a very small two-top at the front of this restaurant near the entrance. This other family with two kids probably 5 & 8 were standing near our table waiting for their table. The 5 year old was a boy and he was really fricking annoying. He kept coming up to our table and touching our table. The father was just standing behind the boy beaming. I almost asked the father if he minded paying us to watch the boy since he wasn't.

My girls will do annoying things, all kids do, but I try really hard not to let them invade other people's space. This father wasn't doing anything to prevent the son from breaching the normal social contract, and he appeared to think that we should enjoy having his son breathing all over our table and food. We didn't. Maybe the father thought we were a childless couple who were getting enjoyment out of his child and he was giving us a gift by letting his son interact with us. Let me stress that we weren't enjoying the boy.

My husband and I were trying to enjoy a quiet lunch sans children. We had two nannies working with us so that this could happen. We did not want a random child interupting us. Parents out there, please don't assume that someone without kids with them and who are being nice to your kid actually want to be interacting with your kid. I think our body language was pretty clear and saying that we didn't want to be interacting with the child. Maybe it wouldn't have been clear to the child, but the father should have picked up on it. But he was clueless apparently. We were only being nice to the child because, in general, we are nice people. I wasn't thinking nice thoughts though. I was not inviting the child to interact with me.

To give one example of how annoying the child was, he almost took the croutons that my husband didn't eat from his salad but left on his plate. It was only through quick thinking on my husband's part that prevented the child from doing so. I'm not sure what the boy's father was thinking, but he wasn't doing anything to prevent his son from stealing food (granted food we didn't want) but stealing food nonetheless from someone's plate from happening. Oh, this child was annoying, but probably only because his parents let him get away with this sort of behavior. What sort of parent lets their child touch the used plate of someone who is not related to them?

Okay, I'm done venting about that experience.

Oh, one more thing about that experience, but it's not venting... When that other family got seated my husband and I discussed what we would have liked to have said to the father... I said the thing about asking if the father would pay us. I then told my husband that I was going to blog about the experience and he said I should have asked the father if he minded if I blogged about his annoying son and him. Tee Hee.

*************
As my husband and I were walking around, I asked him if he liked having our three little girls. I sometimes feel they overwhelm him. He said, yes he loved having our little girls. I asked if he'd be bored with out them, and he said, Yes, but that he probably wouldn't realize he was bored. So true. You don't realize how much kids change your life till you have them and especially when you go out without them. You miss them! We haven't actually spent a night away from the girls yet. I can't imagine leaving them for all night. I have spent 2 nights in the hopital away from N, one night for the birth of each of her sisters, but I don't count those as nights away. He was with the older girls while I was in the hospital.

*************
I'm now sitting here with T (4 months) and she's helping me type. She's such a good girl. The older two will be home from hanging with the other nanny soon. Tomorrow I think I will have that nanny watch N (almost 4) and T so that I can spend some quality time with K (19.5 months). I rarely get one-on-one time with K. I also want to have a special day with N this weekend. N gets me a lot with T, but not a lot one-on-one. T gets me a lot with N and also all by herself since she's my nursling who is exclusively nursing.

Whew, crazy day!

Tonight we had some friends over for dinner. We had 5 kiddos in our house for dinner. It was a wacky dinner. It never happened that all 9 of us were at the table at the same time. First it was the four adults, K and their daughter. Then K and their daughter finished and N came down. Then N finshed and T and their baby woke up... It was total kid-juggling! It was a fun night though.

It's always great when we have people over to visit... Our house gets a good top-to-bottom cleaning in one day. I am always cleaning it seems, but usually my strategy is to do one floor at a time (or even just one room at a time depending on how much time I have) and thus, the house never feels all clean. When we have company it gets all clean in one day. It was also nice that my husband was home and did a lot of cleaning! (Bonus, my house is clean and I didn't have to clean it all.)

I can't decide if I should get someone to come clean my house or not. I never am satisfied with how other people clean my house. I like the way I do it better. The problem is that I don't always have time to clean my house and if I had someone coming to clean it I would at least have someone making an attempt at cleaning which is better than no attempt at all...right? I can never decide. When I was pregnant, it was a no-brainer. I was tired and busy with work and needed help. Now, I have most of my energy back and I am not totally swamped at work (because I'm trying very hard not to be).

I really still want the Sc*ooba floor cleaner. The local newspaper did a review of it and it was favorable. I currently have a Ho*over Floo*rMat*e and I like it pretty well. I think it does a great job of cleaning. I don't use it for vacuuming the hard floors (something that people complain about in the reviews). In fact, it does such a great job in the cleaning phase that I am often sad if I use it more often than every 10 days. I am sad because there isn't much dirt on the floor because it's gotten the floor sooooo clean. If I use it every 10 days, then the floor is dirty enough and I can see how clean the floor is again. The best strategy for me is to use it, and then swifter a few times and then use it again after about 10 days so that I can get that clean floor satisfaction.

Anyway, back to the Sc*ooba, it's about $400, but that's what I would have to pay a cleaning service for about 3 visits, so it could definitely be a good investment. Granted, the cleaning service would clean more than just the floors, but the floors are a large part of our house. If the Sc*ooba does as good of a job as the H*oover, then I would really be happy with purchasing it. In the review in our newspaper, they said that they had to change the tank a couple of times and I'm sure in my house I'd have to change the tank a few times, but if it could clean my floors while I got to play in the blogosphere or with my kiddos it would be soooo worth it. Yes, I could hire a cleaning service to come clean my house while I played in the blogosphere or with my kiddos, but I'd rather have the Sc*ooba I think.

I hope he doesn't lose his job because of this entry...

Today, I went to the post office and I was helped by a smart, efficient, super helpful man. Seriously, he was great. He was even funny. I thought those qualities were not allowed in governmental employees.

A little back story

My back is not a happy back. I'm pretty sure that I have a sacro iliac injury. Three weeks before I got married (in 1998) I hurt my back (in the sacro iliac area) doing kick boxing. I was seriously afraid I wouldn't be able to walk down the aisle. Fortunately, my chiropractor fixed me. I went to the chiropractor on and off for a while and then I felt pretty good. When I was pregnant with N (in 2001) I kind of re-injured my back (vacuuming) but I didn't go to the chiropractor because I was too scared it might cause a miscarriage. (I'd had one before and I was scared out of my mind.) After that pregnancy, I was surprised by how good my back actually felt.... I was thrilled!

Then when I was just newly pregnant with K, I fell and injured my back again. I didn't go to the chiropractor. I was worried that it might make things worse or that it might hurt the pregnancy. Silly me. Throughout that pregnancy, my back was not a happy back. After K was born, I started seeing my chiropractor again. It was just starting to feel pretty good. Then I got pregnant with T. This time, I kept going to the chiropractor till I was about 32-ish weeks pregnant. At this point, my joints were so loose that the adjustments only lasted for about 2 minutes. I decided they actually were making things worse too because I would walk and my lower back would click, grind and pop constantly. It was as if it was trying to settle itself. When I stopped seeing the chiropractor, it stopped doing that, but it still hurt.

The last 8 weeks of pregnancy I said, "My back is not a happy back." so frequently that my almost 4 year old would clutch her lower back and say the same thing in the same intonation that I said it. (It's so weird when they reflect you back at yourself.)

About 4 or five weeks after T was born I started going back to the chiropractor. I was in so much pain. My upper back was pretty screwed up too. My lower back was hurting the most, but the upper back gets a lot of abuse from all the lifting and holding of babies that I do. Since T's been born, I've had a couple of deep tissue massages. Not the kind that's relaxing. The kind that makes you feel beat up. They've helped a little, but not a lot. If I had all the time in the world I would get 2 massages a week and visit the chiropractor after each massage. I would also do more stretches and strengthening exercises.

Of course, if I had all the time in the world, I probably wouldn't be in such pain. I probably wouldn't routinely lug around 40, 26 and 14 pounds. On days when I'm alone with the girls, or even just with them all day my back kills me.

When I leave my chiropractor, I usually don't hurt too much. I heart my chiropractor. Of course as the day wears on after my visit I can feel my back going crooked on me again. I don't know how long I should give my back to heal. It's been through a lot. 3 pregnancies in 4 years and lots of lifting. I don't have a lot of time to focus on it. It needs time to heal. It needs some tender loving care. I need to do focus on it for me, but I just don't know when I'm going to find the time. (I find the time to blog because I can do it while nursing a little one. I get a lot of time for it because she loves to lay beside me and nurse.) I know what needs to be done, I just don't know if it will happen. It's very sad.

On Being Polite...

Whenever N (almost 4) doesn't want to do something she says, "No Thank you." As if being polite will make it okay to not do whatever it is that I need her / am asking her to do. So funny!

One more T thing

When I pick her up she sometimes sucks on my cheeks.... It's slobbery, but so wonderfully sweet. I love that baby slobber!

Will you remember?

N is almost 4. I was trying to remember my earliest memories. I have some vague ones from when I was 4, but I don't think I really remember much before age 4. It's so odd to me that N will hardly remember anything that has happened to her prior to this point, and even for a while after it will all be hazy. It's all been so memorable and life-changing for her father and me. I've taken so many pictures, so much video and written in my journal and now this blog so much so that we can remember and share it with N (and K and T).

When I had N, I wanted to know all of my own milestones and what I could expect from N. N didn't come with an instruction manual. I think I started keeping all these records so that she could have her own instruction manual for her kids. N is the best documented baby! Now there are 3. I did less of a good job recording everything with K. Not because I didn't notice it, and not because I was too busy, but because it wasn't such uncharted territory. I probably was able to enjoy K more because I wasn't so curious about what would happen next like I was with N, I knew more. So far, the documentation up to 4 months for N will work for all 3 because the first 4 months of milestones have occurred at very similar times. K and N have been fairly similar too up to 19.5 months. N enuciated more than K when she started talking, but K talks like crazy, it's just a little more slurred.

This time with T, it's really hard to record things because of the lack of time and my lack of brain. I often walk into a room and stand there for a few minutes wondering, "Why did I come here.....??? I know there was a reason, but what was it????" When I sit down to write about T, all I can come up with is how cute and snuggly she is. I guess I should write about how she has found her feet. She grabs them and holds on, but hasn't put them in her mouth yet. I love how when she lays on her back her feet immediately go up in the air. It's so amazing too how much little ones squirm. When T's awake she is always moving something. N and K squirm a lot too, but not as much as T. Or maybe they squirm as much, but it's more controlled squirming since they are older.

Right now T is laying on the bed and our cat is next to her. She is trying to pet him. In the last week or so, she's really interested in everything. She is over 4 months now. N underwent a major personality change at 4 months. N had been a very sleepy (but not snuggly) baby for her first four months and then, poof, she was into everything and grabbing and making all of her interests clear. T is not quite as grabby, but is much more interested in toys than she was prior. She's also less sleepy. She talks all the time. She giggles on occasion, but smiles the biggest gummy smiles all the time. She sucks her thumb some, but not as much as the other two did. She still sleeps snuggled next to me every night.

When T is on her tummy she picks up her little butt or holds her head up all the way. She's so strong. N and K were crawling by 7 and 6.5 months respectively. I think T may be earlier still. She's very motivated because of all the toys every where. She loves to watch her big sisters. When she's in the swing, K (19.5 months) will come over and give her kisses and hugs. For as young as K is she's a very good big sister.

T is also trying really hard to sit up on her own. She falls right over, but sometimes she'll catch herself on her hands and balance for a second or too. We only play this game on our very soft bed.

I hope I can remember it all from the pictures and the stories. Of course, I want them to grow up, but I really want to remember all of this too. It's going by so fast.

Hello... Daddy?

K (19.5 months) picked up one of her new play phones... My husband was standing in the kitchen. She looked at him and said, "Hello Daddy?"

He said hi back. She kept looking at him and saying hello. He finally figured out that she wanted him to pick up the phone from our kitchen. She wanted to have a phone conversation with Daddy. So cute!

On a related note, N (almost 4) has started answering our real phone. She answered it one time when I called and I asked her if she knew it was going to be me and she said, "Yes. She answered it one other time when the nanny was calling. She had a nice chat with the nanny and then failed to get me when it was time. The nanny had to call back on my cell phone to get me. We've now given N phone lessons.

N also called me one day, with Daddy's help, and left me a voice mail. It was too sweet. She has such a little girl voice on the phone. She sounds older in person to me than she does on the phone.

Lost

No, not the show, but all of N's things. She is always losing stuff. I spend my days and nights endlessly looking for a lost stuffed animal, or a lost blanket. Last night, she lost her little blanket that she needs to sleep. We have more than one of them, but they were either dirty or misplaced. It took forever for me to find one so that she could go to sleep.

We're trying to make 2006 the year N learns to keep track of her things.

I think N is a lot like me. My Mom used to always say that I'd lose my head if it weren't attached to my neck. That's how I feel she is.

A couple of quotes from yesterday

When N opened up the package I complained about here, the one where the book was appropriate subject matter, but not the right age range, she said, "This isn't for me." Laughing, I asked her, "Who is it for?" She said, "I don't know. It's kind of weird."

N found a lacy ribbon that had been tied around one of the packages and picked it up and handed it to me. She said, "It's for your "nursers" mommy." (She had just seen one of my bras the day before and was very interested in the lace on it.) She then went on to explain to her Daddy how I needed things for my nursers because they were so big. (Just wait till you have a kid and are full of milk!)

Taking my turtle for a walk

One day in November, I saw this man taking his turtle for a walk.

He would place his turtle at one end of the parking lot, and then follow behind as the turtle walked about 50 feet. The man would then pick up the turtle and walk back to where the turtle had started, set down the turtle and make the turtle start all over again. The poor turtle never got to go where it wanted. The man was reading his book the whole time.

A countdown of sorts

10 years ago I don't remember what I was doing on Christmas. I was dating an evil guy TM and I honestly don't remember what happened at Christmas. In a weird way, I am glad I don't remember. I don't remember a lot of my life that occurred when I was with him. Maybe I repressed those memories. (Sometimes a little repression is a good idea.) I do know that if you'd have told me where I would be in 10 years I would never have believed you.

9 years ago I had just met my husband (in October) and we were apart at Christmas. It was sad. He was with his family and I was with mine. He emailed me and said he hoped we'd never be apart again at Christmas. (All together now, Awww!)

8 years ago my husband and I spent our first Christmas together. I made manicotti. He proposed. He did not propose because of the manicotti. It was good manicotti, but not that good. We had some friends over for dinner.

7 years ago we spent our first married Christmas together with his family. It snowed there.

6 years ago we spent Christmas with my family. I can't remember if it snowed, but I do know it was grey and bleak. Opening presents was insane. My husband thought the present opening process with my family resembled a shark feeding frenzy.

5 years ago I was desperately wanting to get pregnant after a miscarriage. It felt like we'd been trying forever. We didn't go anywhere. It was this year when we realized how much we liked staying home at the holidays. I got to spend some time with a friend who had just had her first baby. It made me want to have a baby even more.

4 years ago I was pregnant with N and huge. N was due in early January so we didn't travel anywhere. I couldn't believe I was actually going to end up with a baby in a few short weeks. My beloved kitty was very sick and I was nursing him back to health. (The first of much care that I gave to him until February when he left our existence.)

3 years ago N was almost 1 and we were so excited to have her. I got to see the friend who I'd seen 2 Christmases before when she had a baby and I didn't. I was so happy to have N and to be a Mom too. N learned to walk at the beginning of December and we were chasing her everywhere during Christmas break. She walked for about a week and then she learned to run. She was such a spaz and so much fun.

2 years ago I was pregnant with K (about 20 weeks) and we were recovering from the worst flu ever. Seriously. My husband and I didn't leave the house for 10 days. (This is one reason (among many) why we don't travel around the holidays.)

1 year ago my world changed in an instant when I pee'd on a stick and saw two lines. I had always thought that it wasn't easy for me to get pregnant, and suddenly I had a surprise pregnancy. Whoa. This. Rocked. My. World. I made my husband go to the store and buy some more pregnancy tests cause I was sure that the old one I had was wrong. It wasn't. I don't remember much about Christmas after that test. (I do, but it all pales in comparison to that surprise!) That wonderful surprise is now beside me drooling and chewing on my jeans (yum).

That leaves us with where we are now.

Veggie Bacon and other Christmas Memories

I really like the idea of starting new "traditions" for our family. This year, I made veggie bacon for breakfast/lunch and the girls loved it. I think it will be great to have the girls associate the sounds of veggie bacon softly sizzling in the skillet with Christmas.

The Loot
We got way too much stuff. The re-gifter I complained about yesterday actually got three great presents for the girls. 2 good books and a classic kids game (Chutes and Ladders).

N (almost 4) got a veterinarian doctor kit. It's really cute. I had seen it and thought about getting it for her. The one thing I don't like about it is that all the animals are in cages and there is a set of keys to open each cage. The keys are on a big key ring. All the cages make it look sort of like a jail. (Great educational toy, she can learn vet skills and jailer skills from it!) (No, I'm being terrible, it's really cute and she loves it. I just happen to be feeling a little smart aleck-y.) When N opened it, she said, "Where are the band-aids?" She is very into band-aids. What almost 4 year old isn't though?

Miss N also got a way cool video game called Pixter (http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2280&e=hasflash). I'll write more about it later, after we explore it, its capabilities and what I think she's getting out of it. But for now, I'll say THANK YOU to the person who got it for N. N played with it for 2 hours straight and I got a little break to cook dinner. Right now, it's the best gift ever. Because of it, my husband got to talk on the phone with his brother which is something that he doesn't get to do that often.

Miss K (19 months) received a couple of (pretend) phones. She's all excited about the beeps they make. I've been letting her run around with our real phone 'cause sometimes I just need something that will occupy her interest. We have unlimited long distance with in the U.S. so I don't worry about domestic long distance calls, but I do worry about her calling 9-1-1 or somewhere like China or South Africa. Finally, some toy phones she likes. Finally, I get my phone back.

Random Sleep Paragraph
Miss T (4 months) is now taking a nap in her cradle. I've been working on getting her to fall asleep on her own the last couple of weeks. She actually is such a mellow baby that she falls asleep on her own quite easily. The first time it happened, I laid her down under her mobile so I could do something with one of the other girls. I never expected her to fall asleep, I just needed two hands for a minute, but I was delighted. I've been trying to get her to practice falling asleep on her own at least once a day.

Part of the Day
Tonight, I spoke to my parents on the phone. My Mom is sick. She has bronchitis. She's tired and she's 80. I worry about her. She sounds terrible when she coughs. Hearing her cough made me so sad not to be there. On the other hand, being there would be really hard with 3 little ones.

Traveling on a plane with all 3 and going where the weather is miserable doesn't sound like a recipe for any fun. I would like to be with my parents at Christmas (like to in the sense that it would make my Mom happy), but I don't want to 'cause it is depressing there (I really dislike winter). It's also very hard for me when we are back there as things are not baby-proofed. I end up chasing kids, trying to cook in a space that isn't my own, and having to be charming and the perfect daughter all at the same time. Too much pressure. It's much calmer staying home and doing our small family Christmas. I like calm. (Or relatively calm as 3 little girls are pretty crazy!)

Food
To end on a cheerier note, I'll post the recipe for our Christmas dinner. It looked all Christmasy 'cause of the red bell pepper and the green skin on the zucchini. (I left out the carrot today). I typed up the recipe to email to someone who is a vegan. I realized as I was cooking it that it's actually vegan if you leave off the parmesan cheese. You could add some chicken breast if you wanted to make it non-vegetarian. I really love this dish! It has a nice warm flavor from the garlic and the onion.

Colorful Butterflies

1 medium-large onion
1-2 teaspoons minced garlic
1 red bell pepper seeded and sliced into matchstick strips
1 carrot sliced into matchstick strips
1 zucchini sliced into matchstick strips
4 ounces of snow peas, trimmed, strings removed
8 ounces farfalle pasta (bow tie/butterfly shaped)
~3-4 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
5 large ripe tomatoes cut into about 8 pieces each (I tend to use roma
tomatoes recipe originally called for plum)
1/2 cup dry white wine
1 cup freshly torn basil or 1 tablespoon dried
Pinch of sugar
~1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice (I don't measure, I just cut a fresh
lemon in half and squirt in a bit from both halves)
Salt and Pepper to taste
Fresh Grated Parmesan

Cook the pasta. Drain and set aside

Either blanche the pepper and carrot strips for 30 seconds in boiling water and then add the zucchini strips and snow peas and cook for one minute longer. Drain and rinse under cold water.
OR
Microwave all the veggies in covered bowls for approximately 1-2 minutes and then let sit covered until you are ready to add them to the sauce. (This is easier and gives a good texture for the veggies.)

Heat the 3-4 tablespoons of the olive oil and saute the garlic for a couple of minutes. Add the onions and saute until they are pretty tender.

If you want, add 1 more tablespoon of olive oil as you add the chopped tomatoes, wine, basil (dry or fresh), salt and pepper, and sugar. Cook 3-4 minutes stirring occasionally.

Add the other veggies and lemon juice. Cook 1-2 minutes. Mix in the cooked pasta and toss well. Serve and top with the freshly grated Parmesan.

Re-Gifting

We opened one of our packages that came in the mail. We opened it to see if the items for the girls were wrapped or not so we could deal with them if necessary. I had a feeling the items in the package would be wrapped. The package was from one of the worst gift-givers in our family, but one of the best wrappers. I am not into presents. I don't need anything. The rest of the adults, besides the person that packed this box, in my family feel the same way I believe. However, this person thinks that giving stupid unnecessary gifts to the other adults in the family is important. They are usually awful gifts.

The outside of the package was labeled "refrigerate promptly." I groaned. My husband reassured me that she had most likely just re-used the box. Yup. Whew. I'm not a fan of Hickory Farms sausage. Inside the package the fun began. There were about 8 or so very nicely wrapped presents, but none of them were labeled. Ummm... Okay. Perhaps she thought it would be more fun for us that way.

I went ahead and opened one that was round and looked food like. It was hot chocolate. It was a cute gift pack--a 2004 commerative edition. It expired 10/05. Re-gifting is not a sin. I'm fine with it. However, re-gifting expired food items is not cool. (I'm freaky about expired food to begin with.) I opened another wrapped package. It was a book. The subject matter wasn't a bad subject for 3 little girls, but it was appropriate for someone about 70, not 4, 19 months or 4 months. I stopped opening items after that because it was only depressing me.

Last year, from this person, we received a box that was labeled Peppermint Bark. Yum. I love Peppermint Bark. I had been craving it, but they had run out at the place I usually buy it. I was delighted by this. Inside the box of Peppermint Bark was not Peppermint Bark but some homemade fruitcake. That gift was so wrong on so many levels.

I had hopes for her, but now I think that bad gift-giving is her specialty. (Actually, when she shops, she shops really well and gives really cute little girl clothes. With this post, I sound like I care about presents, but I actually don't. It's just that I'd really rather not receive anything than receive something bad. I have enough junk in my own life. I don't need more junk!)

Making a list

I'm finally feeling somewhat caught up on holiday related things.

I picked up our cards and now all I have to do is print off the little newsletter thingy (it's as uncheesey as I can possibly make it) and address the envelopes. I am hopeful that we can get our cards in the mail by the day after Christmas. Maybe I can even get some in the mail tomorrow.

I haven't updated a while about the if BBQ chips in the afternoon then no ice cream TM diet. I have lost about 7 pounds and can fit into 3 of the jeans that I like. Yippee! I'm hopeful this time around that I can make it back to my pre-pregnancy weight before T is 1 year. 40 weeks on and 40 weeks off is a good way to think about it. I would be happy if I could lose it within 40 weeks. At the rate it's come off thus far, 40 weeks could be do-able.

Tonight, I'm hopeful that K (19 months) will go to sleep before 11:30 pm. I'm not sure why I think it might happen, but I am hopeful. Miss K needs about 11 hours of sleep a night. She used to fall asleep around 9-ish and wake up around 8-ish. Now she is falling asleep around 11-ish and getting up around 10-ish. We are night owls around here, but she needs to fall asleep without crying and having me hold her ... Last night she wanted me to hold her till she fell asleep, and I said no. We compromised. I put her on her tummy and patted her back till she relaxed and then she fell asleep on her own. I'd prefer she fell asleep no later than 10 too.

Sleep is sacred around here. We are very glad that our girls don't get up at the crack of dawn. We've actually worked hard at teaching them that getting up before 8 am is just not allowed around here. They have accepted it. Seriously. We do not get up before 8 am.

My Mom always said, "When you have kids you'll have to get up earlier." I always said, "No way." Since neither my husband nor I are morning people, we have genetics on our side too. My Mom used to also say, " When you have kids, you will be a lighter sleeper." Nope. I sleep like a log still.

Not sure how this turned into a post about sleep... Maybe it's the visions of sugarplums dancing in their heads thing.

File under full of randomness.


Oh, one more sleep thing.... I had this wonderful cat. He was the Best. Cat. Ever. He and I loved each other. He used to sleep with his paws wrapped around my arm and snuggled next to my side. When I was first pregnant with T, I had a dream that he (my wonderful cat) told me he had arranged for T since he wouldn't make it through the end of the year as he was very sick and he wanted me to have another baby to take care of when he was gone. It unfortunately turned out to be true that he didn't make it through the year. He was very sick. He had been suffering from a chronic illness for a couple of years and one of the possible side effects occurred. Anyway, the point of that background information is to get to the main point that T is now sleeping cuddled up next to my side with her arms wrapped around my arm.... Just like my dear, departed kitty used to do. I like to have connections to him still. He was and always will be my boy.

Next Year

Next Holiday season, I'm not going to stress. I've finally figured out that I should take one week off before Thanksgiving and get everything done. I should get all my shopping done and all of my things packed and ready to ship the week before Thanksgiving. Yes, I will stress then, but then during the week before Christmas I will be stress free. I actually put a note in my calendar to remind myself in October to schedule a week off before Thanksgiving. I hope it works! I'll report back next year.

T's 4 month Well-Baby Check

Miss T is tall and skinny. Just like she was at 2 months. 25.5 inches (90th percentile length) and 14 lbs 12 oz (75th percentile weight). Her head is about 50th percentile now.

She is rolling from front to back and back to front and holding her head up really well and no sign of the torticollis. She sits up perfectly if you support her a little and is starting to catch herself and hold herself up if you let go. I can't believe how big she is and how fast! The flattening of her head is pretty much gone. The doctor thought the opposite side might be a teeny tiny bit flat now, but it's hard to say. The doctor doesn't think we have anything to worry about regarding the flattening. I think I might switch sides on the bed again and let the side that she sleeps on when she rolls toward me change. Who knows, maybe we'll start alternating sides on a weekly basis--crazy fun.

I can't believe my baby is 4 months old. I can't believe that one year ago, I didn't even know I was pregnant. More about that soon.

Updated to add:
At 4 months:
N was 15 pounds 14 ounces at 4 months and 24.5 inches long
K was 16 pounds and 25.5 inches long

A Ghost of Christmas Past

While I was getting my mocha at the coffee shop, I saw someone who looked like this girl that an ex-boyfriend slept with (I think, but I'm not totally sure) while we were dating. The person at the coffee shop was not her (unless she hasn't aged in 15 years), but she looked like her. Needless to say, back when it happened, that girl was someone I didn't like very much. I wasted much time and energy on her and him. When I saw this person, I realized though, how it didn't matter to me now. I couldn't even remember the name of that girl. Wow. At the time, I never thought I'd not care, but now I don't care. It's truly amazing how time does heal all wounds and how much life changes. That ghost no longer haunts me.

Revised Personal Motto and Other Random Stuff

With enough caffeine and a clone or two, I can do anything!

3 little girls this close in age are too much for any one person. Even my super nanny doesn't like to be alone with all 3. I used to feel like a wimp in not liking to be alone with them, but now I feel like it's okay.

If I had a clone or two, one of me could do work, and one (or two) of me could watch the girls. I would prefer two clones, but if I can only get one, I'll take it.

Miss K (19 months) is now in bed... Let's hope she falls asleep earlier tonight than she did last night. Miss N (almost 4) is soon to follow.

Tomorrow is Miss T's 4 month well-baby check up. I'm excited to see how she is growing. Oh, she rolls over front to back and back to front. (I don't think I documented it when it happened. I didn't actually see it, one of the nannies did first. I have since seen it happen.) Miss T is giggling (when something is very funny and talking like crazy. She loves to suck on her hands, your hands, toys, anything that holds still or doesn't put a fight goes in her mouth.

New personal motto

With enough caffeine I can do anything!

My husband begged me to blog about this

Oh boy... Where do I start?

This morning sucked. On so many levels it sucked. My husband wants me to blog about it because he doesn't want me to forget how awful today was in a few years. He doesn't want me to ask for a #4 baby. He's afraid that might happen. On some levels, I'm afraid that I might forget how awful today was and ask for a #4 baby too. (Some day I'll have to re-read The Selfish Gene (by Richard Dawkins) to see if it can account for the desire to have more children when you are completely overwhelmed. But not today. Today I don't have enough time, brain, or energy.)

Anyway, I write this post for my husband, but I just can't write out all the horrors of this morning though... It sounds way too awful to write it in detail (and it would take way too long) so I'll just share the highlights.

Highlights
-2 screaming girls at separate times and together in stereo (and it was the older two so it was really loud for a while)
-problems with a technology at work and people at work saying, "Oh, it couldn't possibly be our fault, it must be your computer." (It was most definitely not my computer.) (Their system sucks and has sucked before.)
-no nanny
-a Christmas card that is in the wrong .jpg format that can't be uploaded to online printing places (never mind that I still haven't printed my cards, let alone sent them out.... Hopefully that will be dealt with by tomorrow.)
-sore foot and back
-lots of stuff to do for Christmas (packing and shipping presents)
-a consultant who billed way too much and now we have to deal with that
-my friend calling to say that she wished we hadn't have switched nanny days after all because her work needed her tomorrow not today afterall...... (she and I worked out a compromise though and she and I bonded over how much life sucks so it's okay and I get a nanny at 5 pm today for about 2 hours)

And now, because I'm such a PollyAnna, here are the good things.

Baby #3 is an easy going kiddo and has been asleep for about an hour.

I'm lucky that my husband was able to stay home till about 12:30 today. He's my pillar of strength and has a flexible job. (And he's very very cute.)

I just had my triple shot mocha (one shot for each girl), so things are bound to improve. At least, I'll have energy.

K (19 months) will soon take her nap, so that's good too.

Right now K is running around with a piece of scotch tape that is about 2 feet long and having lots of fun with it. N is "wrapping presents" (toys of her own) and I'm trying to record this so I don't forget.

I love my little girls. I just wish the rest of the world was easier.

Mommy, Mommy, Mommmmmmeeeee

That's what's coming through the monitor from N and K's room. Miss K (19 months) isn't asleep yet. Normally she's asleep before 9. I went to my dance class and then ran to T*arget for some last minute Holiday shopping.... She didn't want to go to bed 'cause I wasn't home. I think she's overly tired now. I'm overly tired too.

I was home with them today with no nanny. The nanny has a cold. We don't want the cold. She didn't get it from us. I would like to make it through the Holiday with out illness. Last year, on Christmas, N had a bad cold. She was so miserable that she wanted to take breaks from opening presents. She just wanted her nose to feel better. Poor little girl. You know a 3 year old feels bad when she doesn't want to open presents!

Anyway, today, I was alone with all 3 for 6 hours. That's the longest I've ever been alone with all 3 of them at once. It was fun and they were very good, but I have a report due on Wednesday for work. I'm tired. I really enjoyed hanging with the girls and if I didn't have a report due I wouldn't have any worries. I learned that it's actually easier to take them out than to just hang out at home. T was in the bjorn, and N & K were in the side-by-side double stroller. I got lots of, "My, you have your hands full!" comments. Ummm, yup, and you are wasting my time as you state the obvious....

Boy, I sound all pissy.... I'm very frustrated.... In addition to normally having a nanny on Monday, I also usually have a different nanny on Tuesdays... (we have 2 half-time ones) but I switched with the person I share the other nanny with so that she could have the nanny tomorrow (Tuesday)... Our other nanny, the sick one, said she would do tomorrow (Tuesday) when I agreed to switch, but now she's sick...........Now I'm stuck with no nanny and a ton of work.

People always ask, "How do you do it all?" I don't do it all... I certainly don't do it all alone. I have help. Right now I don't have help. I'm frustrated... I could take care of my 3 little girls by myself if I didn't work, but I do work and therefore, I need help. I like my work. I think working is good for me and for them. I think it's important for them to see me working and accomplished. I went to school forever and I found a job I love. A job where I can work 1/2 time. A job where I can not be too overwhelmed most of the time. A job that I feel is meaningful and that allows me to do interesting work.

Okay... I'm rambling... I should go work on that report. It's not going to write itself. (This happened to me last Christmas too. I had a big report to finish and no nanny... Fortunately, this report is not as high stakes as that one was. That one had to get done and sent off. If this one doesn't get done by Wednesday it won't be the end of the world. I need to call my supervisor tomorrow and talk with him about it. I mostly hate it when I can't meet deadlines I've set for myself. I actually asked for the deadline to be Wednesday....Okay, deep breath.)

Sappy Thoughts Part Deux

Tonight the little girls (N--almost 4 & K--19 months) were playing up in their bedroom with their dad. They were giggling and running around and just being silly. As I walked up the stairs and heard them, their giggles made my heart melt. I am so glad I have my little ones. They are so cute and funny and I am very lucky. I am also so glad they have each other. When I was a kid, about 8 or 9, I remember feeling very wistful. I wanted a sibling. I actually have siblings, but they are significantly older than me so we never had that closeness of siblings who grow up together. They weren't around 24/7. In fact, by the time I was 8 or 9, they had their own families. I was an aunt. I'm closer in age to one niece and 2 of my nephews than I am to my siblings. I never got a chance to fight with my siblings or wake up and giggle with them.

These 3 are so close in age (just 3 years 7 months difference in the oldest and the youngest) and I hope they have a wonderful time growing up. I have a friend who has 2 sisters, also close in age, and she said that she had the best time growing up and that they are all still best friends. I hope these 3 will say that when they are older.

As N & K were going to bed, they were kissing little T (almost 4 months!). It was so cute. Then they would kiss each other and me. So dang cute. I wish I could capture the sweetness and bottle it up. Writing it down does little justice, but at least I'll remember it and I hope I can relive the memory.

Oh my!

I am alone with all 3 and there is a full moon. Back up arrives in 1.5 hours. It's actually been a nice time being alone with all 3. I've been alone since 3 pm (3.5 hours thus far) and all is ok. Much better than the first time. Only one small meltdown (and it wasn't me). It is getting easier to have all 3 and I'm learning some new tricks. T's getting a little more regular with naps and it's a bit more predictable in general.

One trick I've learned is to feed them dinner earlier rather than later. I used to try to do dinner between 6 and 7. K (19 months) just got too hungry though. Dinner between 5 and 6 goes much more smoothly.

Trick two is to do as much running around and interaction with them as possible when the baby is asleep. Then when the baby wakes up we do calmer activities.

Trick 3 is to keep switching activities and locations. We usually do the same activity for 10-15 minutes at a time. We play upstairs in their room for 15 minutes, then we go downstairs, then we go back upstairs, then we color, then we blow bubbles, then we play chase... It's all about keeping them active and interested.... So how am I blogging this? The two older ones just begged me for a video and I agreed (trick 4).

I feel like I am constantly juggling the kids when I'm alone with all 3. I'm always holding one, and sometimes I'm holding all 3.

Nights with T

T and I co-sleep. She's in the middle of our very wide and very comfy king bed. My husband and I don't give each other presents, we decide on something for the two of us. Our bed was our Christmas present to ourselves last year. It is the world's most comfortable bed. Seriously. I love that bed. It came with a 100 day trial period and he was thinking that we maybe should trade it in and get a different one. I told him he was welcome to get a different bed as long as I could keep that one. Now he loves the bed too. But I digress....

T sleeps snuggled up next to me. She is my little heat-seeking baby missile. (I used to have a heat-seeking kitty missile, who snuggled with me every night, but he left this existance in February. Now I have T to snuggle with at night. I wish I had both my kitty and T, but alas.) Again, I digress...

T falls asleep for the night either when I do or an hour or so earlier. (That means she's up till 10:30 or 11 pm usually.) She loves to snuggle. If I'm not ready to stay in bed when she falls asleep, she gets upset and often wakes. All night long we snuggle. I usually hear her stirring and complaining around 4:30 am. I wake up enough to put a boob in her general direction. She usually refuses. I then offer her my pinkie or help her get her thumb in her mouth.

We then sleep again till about 6:30 or 7 when she does wake up enough to eat. She eats and I sleep and she goes back to sleep. We then sleep till Miss K (18 months) wakes up. Miss K was waking up at 7:30 in August/September. Then it switched to between 8 and 8:30 and we rejoiced. After the time change it switched to earlier again and we were sad. Now she's sleeping till 8:30 or 9. We are dancing in the street.

I am so lucky that T is such a wonderful sleeper. We have been doing this routine for a while... It used to start later (around 1 or 1:30 am) but she was always a good sleeper. She'd wake up more in the night and nurse more, but I slept through almost all of it (I'd help her get latched on in the beginning, but she'd take it from there...).

Anyway, this is a very boring post, but necessary to record. We know we're very very lucky with what a great sleeper T is. No complaints at all. I did work in the beginning to help insure we got her sleeping at night, but it was so worth it. My philosophy is start teaching them that night is night at the very very beginning--even in the hospital. I did this with K and it worked great. I didn't do this with N and it took a little longer. Someday I'll write more about sleep.

Why Moms are such saps

We just got home from N's preschool holiday program. It was cute. She was cute. Even though she refused to wear the brown shirt she was supposed to wear she was cute. She also refused to wear a little red smudge of lipstick on her nose. Oh-well. She's my non-conformist and I'm ok with that. (Sometimes I'm not, but I try to remind myself that it's good that she has her own mind and doesn't just do what everyone is doing. Questioning authority is a good skill to have in life. I'm glad (mostly) that she already has it.)

Anyway, they did the usual songs

-Up on the housetop
-You put your antlers in (Hokey Pokey with a Christmas flavor)
-Somebody loves
-Once there was a snowman
-Jingle Bells
-We Wish you a Merry Christmas

When they got to Jingle Bellls, they each had little bells to shake. She was so excited. She had this expression of pride and joy on her face like she was the first little girl to shake bells to the song. All the kids in the class looked like they were so clever to have thought of this. The collective joy on stage was amazing.

My eyes filled with tears.

I'm serious. I was so proud and happy for her that my eyes filled with tears. I never in a million years expected that I would have tears in my eyes during her little holiday show. I know this is just one of the many things she'll experience in life that will bring her so much joy, and I'm so excited to see them all in the future. Like the billions of moms that have gone before me, I am a sap.

12 more naps

N is very excited about Christmas. She keeps asking if tomorrow Christmas. "No," we tell her, "You have 12 more naps till Christmas." (She calls going to sleep at night a nap.)

I have much to do in the interim days. My husband and I don't exchange gifts, cause it seems silly. (We usually sit down and say what we're getting for each other ... this year, it's a house remodel on our new house (which was our anniversary present).) However, I think it's important that the girls give us a present. I want the girls to learn that giving is part of the Christmas holiday. It's not just all about receiving. Of course, the only one who is really old enough to get this concept is N. This means that N and I will go buy something for Daddy and vice-versa. He and I have made our lists for the girls and now we have to find the time to take N out and go shopping with her. Or we could just go when we have time with out her and implant false memories of Christmas shopping... Hmmmm... I kind of like that idea (just kidding!).

I think I want to get K some new puzzles for Christmas. In the last month she has gotten really good at puzzles and loves them! It's very cute. She'll grab you by the hand and say, "Puhzle." She's really starting to talk now. I regularly hear 2-word sentences from her. I lost track of how many words she says a few months ago.

Anyway... 12 more naps... I've still got a lot to do.

Tomorrow is N's Holiday show at Preschool. I'm so excited.

Documenting our life and Rambling in the process

Today we went and got our Christmas Tree. The holidays are arriving in our house. Tonight we decorate. We got a 7(-ish) foot Douglas Fir. N (almost 4) is so excited to decorate the tree. K (19 months) was pretty excited about seeing the trees at the lot. I told her we were going to get one and have it in our house. She seemed to think this was a fine idea, but she looked a little baffled too. Almost as if she was thinking, "Why Mommy? Why are we going to put a big tree in our house??? That's just a little weird, but okay, if you say it's tradition. It just seems a little weird to me. Weird in a good way, but weird nevertheless." T (3.5 months) was a wonderful little one at the lot and smiled and made cute squealing noises (her new thing), but doesn't seem that into the tree idea. (Just wait till next year I tell her.)

It’s so odd to me that at this time last year, T had firmly implanted herself into my body, but I didn’t know it. She was rapidly dividing and working on making her presence known. In fact, this weekend one year ago, I proclaimed to a set of girlfriends that I thought 3 might be fun, but that my dear husband would like to wait a while before we discussed it. (Oh how funny this seems now.) (My dear husband was much cooler when we found out that we were pregnant than I was…. More about this later.)

Anyway, back to the cute squealing noises... N never made them. I was glad at the time. I felt sorry for my friends who had squealing babies. Even happy squealing ones. N was a very quiet yet talkative, serious yet happy, baby. She loved Peek-a-Boo from a very young age. It still makes her giggle now. K was a more happy-go-lucky baby than N. She made a few more squealing noises, but mostly they were out of frustration not happiness. T seems to be our happy bubbly squealer. Today, N is fairly serious, intense, fearless and adventuresome. K is more cautious, fairly mellow, and very carefree. T seems like she’s going to be just downright silly and fun and totally mellow.

Both N and K are very independent, but in different ways. N’s personal motto is, “Nothing can stop the N______!” (She made this up and it totally fits!) N is independent in a very headstrong way. K is independent in a very competent way. T hasn’t shown much independence yet (she’s only 3.5 months), but I imagine she’ll be independent in her own way. N reminds me of me and K reminds me of him in terms of personality. It will be so much fun to watch T’s personality develop.

OK…. I am rambling now. Perhaps this is why I have trouble with the whole blog notion… I like to blog about things that I’m thinking about because I write and think better than if I’m just putting it into my journal…. However, I worry that other people will read this and just shake their head at my self-involvedness…. But then I remember that this is my blog and I can do with it what I want. If people don’t like reading it, they don’t have to read it. I’m ok with that. I am doing this primarily for me and my little ones and if other people read this and enjoy it or learn from it, great. If not, no big deal.

Perhaps...

Perhaps it's because I grew up watching The Jetsons, and wanted my life to be as cool as their life when I grew up. I soooooo wanted (actually still do) a hover car that would fold up into a briefcase. Anyway, maybe it's because of that show that I really want one of these.

Of course, I'm skeptical about it, but I am also into technology enough that I am going to look into it more and try to figure out if it is a product that could change my life.

On this day 1 year ago...

I was pregnant with little T, but I didn't know it. We had had difficulty conceiving N. We used the same protocol at a higher dosage to get pregnant with K (in the summer of '03) as we did with N because my bloodwork indicated that we would have difficulty conceiving again. I didn't even want to try on our own because the trying part was so not fun for me when we were having difficulty. Any one who has experienced infertility or subfertility knows that trying is not actually fun. It's stressful. My bloodwork indicated that things were worse (high FSH) when I wanted to get pregnant with K. Luckily we did get pregnant with K quickly (with the help of the drugs).

A year ago today I did not think it would be at all possible to get pregnant on my own. I was only 6 and 1/2 months post partum after K. I was still nursing exclusively. (Yes, I know nursing is not a reliable birth control method, but since my bloodwork hadn't looked good in the summer of '03 I had no belief that I would be able to get pregnant again without medical help. I was sure I was in even worse shape FSH-wise since it was a year later too.) I was thinking that it would be fun to have a #3. I was thinking that it might be fun to try again in about a year. I was worried that we might not be able to get pregnant. Little did I know that I was pregnant.

If I would have been paying attention to my cycles, a year ago today I could have used a pregnancy test and found out I was indeed pregnant (hence the reason for this entry). I wasn't paying any attention.

We found out I was pregnant on Christmas Day. I was about 7 weeks pregnant. I had been having some symptoms. To say I was shocked when I found out is an understatement. To say we're thrilled we have little T now is also an understatement. I'll probably spend a few more posts talking about our wonderful Christmas surprise and how I finally clued (after about 1,000 symptoms) into thinking about peeing on a stick. In the meantime, for education and entertainment, there's this site.

Nerve-wracking

I just sent off the example I wrote for our CEO/President.

I HATE pushing the send button on important stuff. Do I stress too much?

Some solutions

I've been feeling overwhelmed lately. I've been trying to get back in control of the situation. Part of the problem is that since we moved, there is not a place for everything and consequently since there is not a place for everything, everything is not in its place.

That little saying a place for everything and everything in its place has helped me so much. I am not a person who is good at organizing. I have modified the saying for my own purposes to be a place for everything important or frequently used and all of those in their respective places. Right now, there are so many things without a home in my home.

I'm working on getting jacket hangers hung up so that I always know where the jackets for the girls are. I'm also working on getting some more hangers for N's preschool bag and other things so that we can more easily remember to take it.

Another problem we have is that when the nanny arrives in the morning, there are too many people in the house at one time. The kids get confused and don't know who to listen to and the nanny is confused because she doesn't know how much to take charge. This all leads to insanity and slows me down in the morning.

To deal with that one we're going to try and make up lists for the grocery store and Target and send the nanny and one of the kiddos out in the morning to run errands while the rest of us get ready. That will help two-fold, we'll get the shopping done and get two people out of the house in the morning. (One of the girls (K--18 months) loves to go bye-bye, so this will actually help three-fold cause it will get her some stimulation in the morning.)

Having 3 kids so quickly did not give me time to learn all the tricks. Moving to a temporary house and leaving half our stuff in boxes is also part of the problem. It's hard to not be settled. I'm really flying by the seat of my pants. I know the solutions I've posted sound simplistic, but they will help, I'm quite sure of it. If any one has any suggestions or tips, please post them! Thanks.

Handstands

I'm so excited that N is learning how to do a handstand...



I love to do handstands.

I hope that someday we can get a picture of N, K, T and me doing a handstand together. That would be way too cool. Of course, first, T needs to learn to sit up on her own. K does a mean forward roll, but she needs to learn the handstand thing.

File under, not related to the kids at all, but very very very cool.

Today, I was at work for 2 hours. I was sitting at my desk and my phone rang. I pick it up.

"This is J_____." I say as I answer.

Woman's voice says, "C_____________ is calling. Will you hold for a moment?"

For those of you who don't know, C_____________ is the President and CEO of the place where I work. The place where I work is not small... It's very well respected all over the world. C_____________ is a very impressive man. I wish I could tell you more about his accomplishments, the boards he sits on, who he has advised, and him but I don't want to say too much. I'm completely blown away that he's calling me.

I say as calmly as I can muster, "Sure, I'll hold."

It turns out C_____________ is calling me because he's writing a book, and is using some information I've sent him and he wants to get a more specific example to go along with it.

Wow. He wants more stuff from me. Wow.... My work is going to be referenced in his book! Wow. I'm so honored that it's kind of ridiculous! WOW!

(Maybe I should have called this the post in which I say "Wow" too much and use too many exclamation points!)

It's raining

It's really raining here today. It's the first real rain of the season. There's a lot of water and it's coming down fast. It's also very windy. A great stormy day. A perfect day to sit inside with a computer in my lap and a sleeping baby laying beside me. However, as soon as the baby wakes up she's eating and then she's going in the car seat so that we can get out of here.

I'm feeling stressed, depressed, and overwhelmed. Did I mention tired? My back hurts. I am working on a post about my back because it is so bad right now. I woke up this morning with a headache. The headache is either from my screwed up back or my stress level.

I read about how breastfeeding is found to be associated with lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol. If that's true, then I'm really glad I'm breastfeeding. Because I'm about ready to explode from all the stress. Perhaps if I weren't breastfeeding I already would have exploded. I blame my significant stress on issues #1 and #4 (post from yesterday).

So today is not what I would call a good day. In the scheme of things, it's not that bad. I always feel bad complaining. I am fortunate to know that all of my stress is situational (3 little ones, nanny issues, a very screwed up back, and 2 new small projects at work) and not deep seated nor rooted in issues that I have yet to uncover. I am even more fortunate that the baby is sleeping right now. I am just overwhelmed, but it will get better.

(Edited to add... I also realized that it's December 1st....I'm sure that's contributing to my stress....The holiday season is always stressful to me.)

So many things to write about.......

So little time. I'm feeling overwhelmed with life.

Here's a list of things that happened in my day today.

Good Things

1) I got to go to my aerobics class.
2) I got to play with my girls at the park for an hour.

Bad Things

1) Nanny issues.
2) N was very tired tonight and ended up doing a new howling trick. This new howling trick is very bad. She opens her mouth and just lets loose. It is so loud. I worry that this noise may release some creatures from hell.
3) I feel mucho guilt because of the howling and wonder if I should quit my job and stay home with the girls.
4) My back really really really really hurts. I'll be writing more about this at length.
5) I'm tired.
6) I'm stressed.
7) I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Every so often we have a really overwhelming day and I just want to cry. Today was that day.

The pause

I don't usually blog about my husband because, well he's perfect for me. I have zero complaints. I am very happy. If I got any happier I would burst. Seriously. My blog would be very boring and would probably make most people gag from the sickenly sweet things I would write if I wrote about him. However, I am going to write this post about him... I don't think it will make you gag.

A few days ago I asked my husband, "Do you think I can get back to the same shape I was in before I first got pregnant?"

He paused.

He was trying to think of the right answer.

(My girlfriends know the correct answer.)

He replied, "If any one can do it, you can."

Not the right answer.
I don't say anything.

He tries to explain...
"You have lots of energy."

That's not helping honey. He thinks he is complimenting me. He thinks telling me how energetic I am is a good thing. However, to me, his answer means that I have a long way to go. I tell him this. Yup, men are from Mars. Fortunately he's very cute and doesn't complain when I buy multiple pairs of black shoes in one shopping trip. He also has many other very wonderful qualities. I'll keep him and even forgive him. He was trying. (Did I mention he is very cute?)

As God as my witness, I will get back into the same shape I was in before kids. (Shaking my fist at the skies and said in my best Scarlett O'Hara voice.)


(In case you read this my dear husband, the correct answer is.... "You did it after you had N. You can do it again." If you say it with no pause after I ask, you get double the points.)

The Preschooler Who Loved Vegetables

N (3.75) loves vegetables. She eats peas with almost every lunch and dinner. She eats frozen peas, still frozen. I haven't cooked peas for her in years. If we ever run out of peas she asks, "Why did you run out of peas Mommy?" She asks this with such feeling, as if running out of them was a planned conspiracy against her. If she doesn't have peas (or some vegetable) with her lunch or dinner she'll say, "I need something green." How many preschoolers do this????

She loved broccoli from an early age. I give that one to her cooked. Broccoli seems like it would be weird to eat frozen. She also loves raw zucchini, raw red pepper, frozen corn and frozen carrots (both still frozen). She likes frozen green beans (still frozen). The other night she was trying to convince K (18 months) to try raw zucchini pieces. She was telling K, "Look, they look like wheels." K didn't want to have anything to do with the zucchini. Then N saw the pieces where I had peeled some strips of skin off them and said, "These look like octagons." She proceeded to tell K about octagons and how they have 8 sides, and it was very cute. K still didn't want to eat them.

I love my little N girl!

A quick Thanksgiving recap and a little rambling about other things

Yesterday was turkey day. Of holidays, it and the fourth of July rival as my favorite. I don't like the pressure of Christmas. Too much to be done and then much guilt that I'm not doing it all. Oh the angst. Then I end up feeling Bah-humbug. I do think that I will feel less Bah-humbuggy this year though because it is so much fun to buy toys! Christmas really is a holiday for kids. I think it's silly to give gifts to other adults... (there is the humbug in me).

Anyway, back to Thanksgiving. We don't travel for Thanksgiving. Neither my husband nor I like to travel much anyway, and then add in the crowds and the craziness and you can guess why we don't do it. My family is about 2000 miles away and my husband's is a good hour and 1/2 flight away. The last time we went to visit his family in the winter (2003) we ended up with a flu that we thought might do us in. Literally. In the few times when we were awake and conscious during the 10 days we were sick, he and I were googling things like "Flu and Chances of Death" and Google would tell us that "The "AND" operator is unnecessary -- we include all search terms by default."

Back to yesterday. We hung out. I took K with me to the store and then to get coffee. Then all five of us took a walk. N & K (3.75 and 18 months respectively) were in the double stroller and little T was in the Bjorn. We walked from the rental house where we are living to the house we just bought. We then walked to the park. All are very close to each other. After living on a mountain where you couldn't walk anywhere this is a nice change.

After our mellow outing, we came back and got the girls a quick lunch and T and K each took long naps. About 3 hours for K and 4 for T. The long naps were great! I was able to get dinner ready to go. Dinner was our traditional Thanksgiving Day Dinner of Fajitas. It's not a typical traditional Thanksgiving Dinner, but we've been eating them for about 5 years now. Lots of good stuff goes with Fajitas (guacamole, chips, salsa, rice, etc.) so it's fun. We traditionally do them sans meat, but you can easily stir fry some turkey if you want to be a little more traditional on Turkey day. Since neither my husband nor I are traditional we think fajitas will be a fun tradition for the future on Thanksgiving for our family.

After dinner we baked cookies and had some friends come over to help us eat them. I made a 5x batch of our favorite Holiday cookie (Pecan Puffs). I learned a lesson... 5x is almost too much to fit in my mixmaster, so next year I won't make more than 3x. I also learned that takes a long time to roll out that many cookies! Our friends who came to help us eat the cookies brought over dessert too so we stuffed ourselves and ended up on a sugar high. We still have cookies and cupcakes coming out of our ears. (Not good for the diet, but not too bad because I actually prefer ice cream to cookies and cupcakes.)

It was a good day. Mellow, low key, and nice. In addition, we have much to be thankful for. We try not to take any of it for granted.

In the spirit of this upcoming Holiday Season, I'm typing out my recipe for Pecan Puffs. Enjoy!

1 cup pecans (measure before grinding and then grind really fine--a food processor works well)
1 cup flour
1/2 cup softened butter
2 Tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla

Mix sugar, butter and vanilla. Add ground pecans and flour. Roll in small balls and put on non greased cookie sheet. Bake at 300 F for ~45 minutes. Roll while hot in powered sugar. Eat mass quantities. YUM!

3 months!

Where did the last three months go? Little T is getting so big and can hold her head up now very very well. She smiles, she has likes and dislikes. She does not like to be held facing inward but wants to face out and see what's going on. She's my first baby to like to face out this young. Or maybe N (my oldest did). It's hard to remember exactly. (I have a journal of everything about N (or everything I wrote down), but I would have to go back and look up what N's preferences were.) T's just gotten good at sucking her thumb. We think that she may not be as much as a thumb sucker as the other two girls as though she can do it now, she doesn't always.

It's funny with N, I wanted to see her grow up and get to the next stage. I encouraged her to learn to do new things. I encouraged her to be a big girl. Not this time. I'm trying to savor all the baby-ness that Miss T has. She sleeps next to me and snuggles all night long. She curls up against my stomach--now on the outside, but it seems familiar to me, like she used to when she was on the inside. I like to think it seems familiar to her too. I think she's only slept in her cradle 2 or 3 times for a few hours. I just love cuddling with her. I love her little grunts when she's sleeping and not quite comfortable. I love how she sleeps with her legs in a frog position. I love how she continues to suck when whatever she was sucking on (finger, thumb, nipple) falls out of her mouth. I love how she does the startle still. She's already so big--not a newborn any more, but she is my baby!

Miss T is snuggled next to me right now as I type this. (Having a laptop and laying on the bed with your baby is a wonderful thing--especially when you have a mellow baby content to look up at your face and smile.) Oh she is my sweet sweet baby.

The new improved diet

In the past few days, the if BBQ chips then no ice cream TM diet has been replaced by the getting dental work done and it's too much of a pain in the a** to eat diet. This has resulted in me losing at least a pound last week and maybe a little more. However, since I'm starving and since (hopefully) my dental work will be finished today, I think I will be eating the equivalent of BBQ chips and ice cream today.

Edited to add: It will be one more week till all the dental work is done. Fortunately, the dentist was able to fix something today and eating is less of a pain than it was yesterday. It's still not a lot of fun, but not horrible either. I will be happy when all is back to normal in my mouth!

This post brought to you by the Letter G.

For the past couple of weeks, Miss K (almost 18 months), has been getting very interested in letters. She loves to watch Baby Shakespeare cause they sing the alphabet song in it (twice). At night before she goes to bed she loves to "draw" letters on the Magnadoodle. She'll make a scribble and then say something like "G" or "D." "O" is another favorite letter to say. As is "I" and "A." "G" is the one said most frequently and it definitely seems to be her favorite letter.

It's funny, in my journal about N, I didn't write down anything about letters till she was 22 months and then I wrote down how she said the alphabet, "Abcdefggggggjklmoooooooopstxz." Obviously she was interested in letters before she started saying the alphabet. I, apparently, failed to record when it started though. (I do know that when she was about 20 months old she knew what letters were because I remember a day when my Mom was in the hospital and we were watching the nurse write on a whiteboard and N started saying letters.) I remember that N also used to like watching them sing the ABC's on Baby Shakespeare. I'm pretty certain that N learned to sing the alphabet from watching that and from listening to Ernie and Bert sing the alphabet song on one of her Sesame Street CD's.

Anyway, from the way I wrote down how N said the alphabet, it appears that she liked "G" a lot too. Is your favorite letter early in life an inherited thing? I know there is something about the way you form the letters in your mouth that makes certain ones easier to say, but I can't find a reference to it right now. I spent an afternoon doing some web searches on language acquisition and alphabet learning but can't find a good reason for why my girls like(d) "G". I finally realized that when you say/sing the alphabet you kind of pause after "G". Perhaps they like(d) "G" because it is salient because of the pause? Maybe they like(d) "O" because it is kind of fun to say and it also seems to "stick out" when you say the alphabet.

I'm so glad to see K interested in the alphabet. She seems excited to see letters on pieces of paper and around on signs and things. Her dad and I spend a lot of time at keyboards in front of computers and she sees letters on the keyboards and the screens, so she knows letters are very important to us. She sees her dad reading the newspaper every morning at breakfast--again, seeing the importance of letters. N had mastered saying the alphabet correctly by 2 years of age. I, of course, was pleased and proud. She mastered recognizing upper and lower case letters shortly there after.

Right about the time N was turning 2, and was becoming an alphabet singing champion, I was doing some interviews with teachers for a project. One of the teachers at one of the underachieving schools told me about how many of her first graders didn't know the alphabet. I was shocked. Since I had a 2 year old who knew the alphabet, it seemed impossible to me. I know that kids learn about things that are important to their parents, and what is available to them in their environment, but it seems impossible that the alphabet wouldn't be somewhere in their homes or on TV. It seems impossible, but it's not.

It is so sad to me that there are children who don't know the alphabet by first grade. It seems like at that point they are so far behind in so many fronts. When I think of how many hours N has already had with letters and words and thinking about the concepts that go along with letters, reading, and words, it seems like a first grader who doesn't know their alphabet could ever catch up.

So what's the point to all this... I'm not sure. I guess I just hope that programs like Head Start never go away. Perhaps the point of this post was for me to do a web search about Head Start and find this. I think I'll make a contribution to them before the year is over.

We are social animals

Today I spent some time at Bab*ies R U*s. I found myself scoping out the other babies to guess how old they were and then looking to see what kind of shape the Mom was in. In general, after all the comparisons I made, I felt like I was doing pretty well for the age of my baby.

Don't change the baby on the bed!

In the morning, I'm sometimes too exhausted to pick up the baby (T) and walk into the other room to change her. I bring the diaper pad and all the diaper stuff into our room and change her on the bed.

This morning I was changing her. I had the old diaper off and I was pondering how dry it was. I was just wondering if I should worry because it was so dry when whooosh she let loose. It was just pee, but it was a lot.

Oh well, at least our sheets and mattress pad get washed often because of her. Note to self: Don't change the baby on the bed! (You would think as a third time Mom I would know these things!)

Preschooler Fashion

Recently, Miss N was seen sporting a little lavendar* cotton sun bonnet (size too small) with a light purple* polar fleece jacket. She looked smashing! Preschool fashion is so much fun!



*It's hard to tell from this photo, but the the color of the hat and the color of the jacket clash.

Thank goodness for the Web!

I may have mentioned that we moved ...

I may have mentioned that half my stuff (or it seems that way) is still in boxes.

I went to make rice this weekend (on Saturday) with my steamer and I couldn't find the instruction manual for it. The manual was packed by the movers and I didn't know where it was. I needed the manual to look up the amount of water and amount of rice you stick in the steamer. With my steamer, you don't just stick in the amount of rice and water that the package of rice says... You pour less water in the rice bowl than you would if you were cooking the rice in a pan because you also put water in the steamer part and the steam that cooks the rice also is absorbed into the rice too (somehow).

Anyway, it's frustrating when you want to cook something that should be easy and it's not. I didn't want to spend hours searching for that manual in the boxes that are around. I turned to the web. Within about 10 minutes, I was able to find and download a soft copy of the manual for the rice cooker!

Hurray!

Love the web!

I'm not sure if we're saving any time by not unpacking everything. It seems like I spend a lot of time (and experience a lot of frustration) searching through boxes looking for different things.

Could she get any sweeter?

Sometimes N seems oblivious to the world around her and sometimes she surprises us with her sensitivity and sweetness. I guess that's pretty typical for a 3.75 year old.

Anyway, last week, when we picked up N from preschool, her teacher told us that N made her day. The teacher had been out sick for a few day and when she came back, N said, “I missed you when you were gone. Where have you been?”

On the weight loss front (File under boring to everyone except me)

I think the diet (from this moment forward to be known as the if lots of BBQ chips then no ice cream diet) is working. My scale at home this morning said about 1.5 pounds less than it did last Sunday morning. Yay! Happy dance.

My scale at home is not as good as the scale at the fitness center. That scale says about 4 pounds less than my naked morning weight when I'm in my workout clothes at the end of the day. I truly love that scale right now. I was so excited last week when I stood on the scale and saw how much lower it was. Then I realized it was just a lie. I hadn't really lost 4 pounds in one workout. Oh, well, it was still nice and made me happy for a moment. It also gave me the encouragement I needed to keep not eating those BBQ chips that call to me. I realized that if I had the weight that I have on the fitness center at home on my scale at home then I know I would be able to fit in 1 more pair of my jeans and that I'd be really really close to fitting in a second pair.

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(Sidebar: If you care, my preference is to eat ice cream and not BBQ chips. Cookies and Cream ice cream is my favorite right now. I did really well every day last week and just had ice cream except for (yesterday) Saturday when I gave in to an urge for BBQ chips. Then I just had about 1/4 of the bag so I allowed myself a little ice cream.)

The K report

K had her 18-month check up. She's 26 pounds 2 ounces and 32.25-ish inches. She's about 75th weight and 60th height. Her head is 75th. She got one shot. A HiB. She's a big talker and tries to do everything her big sister does. She tries with all her might to get dressed all by herself. She can almost put on her pants--sometimes. She is very emotional and laughs easily and cries easily. We're totally in the midst of tantrums. She throws herself down on the floor and rolls around. I can't wait till she can be bribed (e.g., wear your barrette and we'll go to the park). She loves "Old MacDonald" (the song) and the ABC song. She is very very interested in letters (more on this soon). She loves baths! She LOVES Elmo.

K has many opinions about many things. One of which is shoes. She loves her tennis shoes and black shoes, but refuses to wear the little navy blue shoes I just bought for her. I'm hoping if they sit out for a few days she'll accept them. She loves her little white summery shoes and her tevas. She loves to put on her sister's shoes or my shoes. For an 18 month old, she is actually very good about getting on the shoes (hers and ours).

K won't wear a barrette and has hair that falls in her eyes a lot, so we hair spray it back. A few hours later, it's back in her eyes. She is very strawberry blonde in the back with a little bit of curl on the end. Her bangs are white-ish blonde. She has china doll skin and big round blue eyes.

K is totally in a Mom-mom stage. She loves to give me hugs. I love to give her hugs. It works out well. She is much snugglier than her older sister N. She is still nursing and says NEESE when she wants to nurse. She's basically down to one nap a day, but she gets so tired and still kind of needs 2 unless she takes a 3 hour nap (she's done this a few times and it is most excellent for me).

K goes to bed at 8:30 pm and then at 9 pm (ish) when her big sister goes to bed she gets up and snuggles for a few minutes. (K & N share a room and it works really well. When T is a little older (about 6-9 months) we'll have her join her big sisters and share a room with them. We'll have enough rooms for all the girls when they get older, but I think when they are so little that they should all sleep together. It makes me feel better knowing they aren't alone. When I was a kid, I always wanted to share a room with someone--my parents got me a dog eventually.) Anyway, K usually sleeps till around 8 am. We wish she'd sleep a little bit later and sometimes when we're lucky and she will sleep till 9 am. (We are not morning people around here!)

T's appointment

We went to T's physical therapy appointment for her neck yesterday. About 2 weeks ago it seemed to me that T was getting a lot stronger and was leaning less. Last week it definitely seemed that way. During tummy time she can totally pick up her head. She also turns it both to the right and the left when she is on her tummy or being held.

Needless to say, by the time it was time to go to her appointment, I felt like it was unnecessary to go. The physical therapist spent time turning T's head and waving toys in front of her face so that she could observe what T would do. The physical therapist also felt the muscles of T's neck. She said she could hardly tell a difference between the two sides. She said with true torticollis she would be able to feel a difference and that the tight side would most likely feel like a string of muscle or a knot. When she laid T on her back T laid with her head perfectly straight.

I felt a little silly for having gone to the appointment, but I must say that I am relieved to hear from an expert that T's little neck is ok. The physical therapist confirmed there is a tiny bit of flattening on the one side of her head that she preferred to lay on the first 8 weeks of her life, but chances are the flattening started in utero. T was a long baby and she was probably pretty smushed inside of me. The physical therapist said to just monitor what T does with her head and neck, but at this point we don't need to do anything.

Regarding the flat head on one side, she said that laying her on her back if her head is aligned is good for her. T spends a lot of time sleeping on her side (that isn't as flat) and also on her tummy. Now I won't have to feel guilty for putting her (on her back) under the gymini or the mobile in her cradle (which she loves to watch) to keep her busy while I deal with the other 2 little girls that run are part of my life.

First day back at the office

Today was my first day back at the office. I worked some my entire maternity "leave" so it's not actually my first day back at work. I've worked about 10 hour per week since T was 4 weeks old. Going back to the office is different than working at home.

Before going to the office I took K (almost 18 months) to Target, went to the coffee shop and got my second caffeine fix, and came home and nursed T and pumped (at the same time) for her. I then corralled N and drove her to preschool. By the time I got to work at 1 pm I was exhausted!

First order of business was to head for lunch since I never actually got breakfast, just caffeine, this morning. I walked into the cafeteria and it felt like home. There was a smell of stir-fry in the air and I knew what I'd eat for lunch as soon as I smelled it. It was good to see all the cafeteria folks. They take care of me. They cook for me and nourish me--they've fed me as I gestated 3 babes.

After I grabbed lunch I headed back to my office. I stopped by my supervisor's office and ate lunch while catching up with what he's doing. Then I went through most of my in-box on the door. You get lots of stuff in 16 weeks! I checked email and then began searching for an old email, from about 4 years ago, to find out if we were still talking with the same person (at another organization) now as we were then... and to refresh my memory of what she was like if we are still talking with her.

At 3 pm (time's almost up) (I figure 2 hours at the office for a first day back is good) I'm still searching for that four year old email. I have accomplished saying "hello" to a colleague and getting an update from another colleague on another project. I work on about 3-4 projects at any one time and it's fun. I'm feeling like I didn't actually accomplish anything major today, but I'm not feeling overwhelmed and I got a little "into the loop" again. I race out of work at 3:15-ish to go pick up N. I get confused in our parking lot at work... I'm not lost but I keep going the wrong way and it takes me about 6 minutes to get out of the stupid parking lot--GRRRR!

It's now midnight and I've just finished editing some things and am ready to send a few emails. (I finally found that old email. We are still talking with the same person.) I'm feeling a little more stressed now. I'm wondering how I'll ever do it all with 3 little girls. I tell myself that it will be okay as the holidays are approaching and nothing ever gets done around the holidays. By January T will be older and I'll be able to do more. (Maybe I can spend the holiday break catching up.)

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Random thoughts... I've been working where I work for 9 years now. I remember when I used to work 60-80 hours a week. For the last 4 years it's been almost impossible to work 20 hours a week. Exactly 4 years ago I hadn't even started my first maternity leave. I'm now returning from my third. Who would have thunk it??? Not me!

New diet

My weight has plateaued. I can generally get within 5-10 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight while breastfeeding without dieting though it takes 4-12 months. However, I'm tired of seeing the reflection of 20-ish extra pounds of me. I'm tired of only having about 4 shirts and 2 pairs of pants that fit. I refuse to go buy anything in the size I am now. Maternity clothes are not an option any more because they are too silly big 'cause I have lost about 20-ish pounds since T was born.

I would be much happier 5-15 pounds thinner, and I could fit into a lot more of my clothes. I've decided it's time to get serious about the weight. I'd like to lose 10 pounds by the holiday season... but since I'm breastfeeding, I'd settle for 5. Anyway, I'm putting myself on a very strict diet. Even though you're not supposed to diet while breast feeding, I think it will be ok. Here is the new diet:

If I eat 1/2 a bag (8 oz.) of BBQ potato chips as a snack in the afternoon, then no ice cream after dinner. If I don't eat 1/2 of a bag of chips in the afternoon, then only 1 big serving (instead of half the half gallon) of ice cream after dinner.

I'm also hoping Miss T (2.5 months) has another growth spurt soon.

Wish me luck!

Sanitized boogers

Here's a tip for you.

If your child has an icky nose and gets a gross green booger on his/her shirt, and you're out and can't change the shirt here's what you can do. 1) Wipe off most of the ick with a tissue and 2) drench the area where the booger was with hand-sanitizer. Or, if you have anti-bacterial wipes you can use one of those to accomplish step 1 and 2 in one step.

Voila...Instant death to the booger-germs!

(Bonus tip... If not all of the green booger comes off of the shirt, tell people it's guacamole.)

Stop the presses!

During tummy time today, Little T, 11 weeks, 1 day, rolled over from her tummy to her back. File under very very cool!

Part of the reason (a post in which I ramble all over the place)

Part of the reason I'm so stressed and busy right now is that we have houseguests... I call them houseguests even though they are my parents, because they give me extra work. Most people love it when Mom comes to visit cause she helps and plays "Mom." Not so in my case.

It's not that my Mom doesn't want to help. It's that my parents are a bit lot older than other people who are my age. I'm in my 30's. My parents are now 80 and 85. I'm not adopted. My Mom had a surprise in her mid 40's. That surprise was me. I have brothers who are actually old enough (just barely) to be my parents. When I was growing up, my parents always seemed much older to me than my friends' parents. Now they definitely are. I'm grateful that I can have time with them, but boy am I tired.

Instead of herding the three little ones to the car, I have to herd 5 to the car. I feel terrible my Dad. His walking is very poor right now. He's using a walker and watching him get up and down the 2 steps from the garage into the house is painful and heartbreaking. My Mom is doing really well considering all that she's been through. She broke her hip in January, but she is now walking about as well as she was walking before the break. I'm so thankful. When I saw her in May she was doing pretty well, but a bit slower than she is now.

Even though she's walking pretty well, she's still very frail. She has osteoporosis and her back is quite hunched over. It makes me sad to see how much they have declined in the last 7 years. (I got married 7 years ago and they were actually quite spry (by comparison) to where they are now.) Getting old sucks.

When I read things like this article about older mothers I'm never sure how I feel about the topic. I of course am happy I was born.

However, I always knew that I didn't want to be as old as my mom was when she had me when I had kids so I started in my early 30's. It took a little longer for me to have my first than I wanted (you never know what your fertility will be like before you try), but I am still younger than my Mom was when she had me.

Of course, I would never begrudge someone the chance to have a baby if they desired it (if they were physically able to take care of the child). (My parents were definitely physically able to take care of me.) I realize that some people don't find their spouse till later in life, and that older parents have many advantages over younger ones (e.g., patience and often financial abilities), but they are also faced with disadvantages.

When I had our first daughter, I was sad that I had waited so long, cause I wasn't that old. This reaction surprised me. Suddenly I just wanted to watch her develop, grow and change forever. Watching your kids grow up is the coolest thing. Ever. Before I was 30-ish I wasn't ready for kids. People should be ready for kids 'cause they change everything. (So cliche, but true--in fact, file the whole paragraph under cliche.)

For my whole life, my Mom has always said how much she wished she was younger. She drilled into my head from the time I was very young that she wasn't going to be around much longer and how I should enjoy my time with her. (Note to other Mom's out there, saying this is not the way to make your children enjoy you more... Guilt is never a good thing.)

Anyway, the visit. My parents try. I know they feel bad that they can't do more. My Mom really tries, but she can't bounce or walk with the baby, so therefore she can't hold the baby for very long. She can't chase the toddler as she climbs down from the kitchen table with gooey hands while she's supposed to be eating dinner. She can't pick up and console the 3.75 year old who has lost a toy. She can take care of herself, but watching her shuffle around the kitchen taking 10 minutes to make a cup of tea makes me do it for her--which makes me busier. Having her help me get dinner on the table makes her feel helpful, but makes it go slower because she's in the way and I have to wait for her to move. She wants to help, but it's not always helpful (sort of like when your 3.75 year old helps).

I wish my parents lived closer so that shorter trips were possible. I think I could handle 2-3 days of this pretty easily, but 10 days at an 80 year old pace with 3 little ones is just too much.

I have to thank my husband for being a saint and doing all that he has done to help. Yea, I know, for better for worse, but I feel like I owe him for the last 10 days! (He likes it when I feel this way.)