Boo!

Did I scare you?

Did you jump a little?

Tonight my princesses and I went trick or treating with one of our neighbors. The little black kitty, T (14 months), hung with Daddy and handed out candy while we were gone. It was cold trick or treating and my princesses refused to wear jackets. They didn't want to ruin the look. They were cute, but 30-ish minutes was all they could stand. Their hands were ice!

We came home and they had a blast opening the door telling everyone "Happy Halloween." As one group of kids were leaving, K (29 month) yelled, "You're welcome." It was particularly funny because they hadn't said, "Thank you." They all said thank you after the fact. Heh. My 2 year old is better mannered than the 12 year olds.

A friend of ours came over with her little girl who was also a black kitty. She looked really cute. We hung for a little while until tired little girls (all of them!) started losing it.

Earlier today we went to the preschool parade. It was totally packed. The preschool is actually part of an elementary school so it's pretty big. MWH came for a little while, but he's really busy at work so Mary Poppins came to help too. Yay for Mary Poppins. The girls were surprisingly good. Of course, we had the threat of no trick or treating if you're not good working for us on our side.

The night ended with very tired little girls. The time change and then all the excitement of Halloween is really too much. I tried to get them all to rest / nap for an hour this afternoon, but no one actually napped.

Next year, it will be fun to see if T is as verbal as K. Since K is only 15 months older than T it's easy to think that she'll be in a similar place. K is soooo verbal. She talked the whole time we were trick or treating and it was hilarious. She talked about all the spooky ghosts and all the candy. N kept saying how this was the best Halloween she'd ever been in.

(Soon I have to write about our trip to the Pumpkin Patch... I keep meaning to, but I just never have time!)

Roller Coaster

I feel sort of roller-coasterish in terms of my emotions. Some moments I am okay with everything and then seconds later I feel incompetent, overwhelmed and ready to cry. This is very unlike me. I feel better than I did on Sunday, but still a little shakey. I don't like this and I can't wait until I get "my groove" back. I am hopeful that the hormone wackiness will sort it self out soon. K (29 months) does seem to be weaning... Of course, even though I want this, I feel guilty about it. She isn't weaned, but we are down to much less nursing a day. She isn't complaining or asking. I shouldn't feel guilty right????

2 more reasons

I just thought of two more reasons for my funk...

1. I haven't had an uninterrupted night of sleep since 2003.

2. Out of whack hormones. (K (29 months) is starting to wean. T (14 months) isn't and that's fine. Half production will be nice!)

Time change

Yesterday was the day of confusion... I really hate it when the time changes. I hate it both in the spring and fall. Whoever decided it should happen is evil. EVIL.

I think the time change is partially responsible for the funk I was in yesterday. Seriously. I was dreading it. Last year, I wrote this post. I don't really remember much about the day, but I did document that. I followed my instructions this year from last year and the evening (last night) wasn't that bad. However, yesterday morning... I shudder.

Part of the reason I have problems with the time change is that all day long I'm calculating what time it was yesterday and what the girls should be doing, and then what time it was yesterday at this time in Central Time Zone (I don't live in that time zone) and what time it was yesterday at this time in Cairo, Switzerland, and every where else I can think of. It is very exhausting. I mean, the world depends on me for these calculations and therefore I can't stop. (I'm so glad the world only depends on me for the day after the time change!)

Back to the horror that was yesterday morning... T (14 months) woke up really early... Errr.... if you computed the change in time it was early... If you didn't compute it, it wasn't too bad.

I was so confused by the time change (and computing it for the rest of the world--see above) that I couldn't figure out if I had gotten 8 hours of sleep or 7. If I'd gotten 8 then I'd be happy and not grumpy... But I was grumpy, so therefore, I must have only gotten 7... I had gone to bed at midnight (before the time change) and I woke up at 7:00 (I think) before the time change. I let T fuss until about 7:45.

(What she does in the morning when she wakes up is screech every five minutes like the T__-dactyl she is until I get up. 5 minutes between screeches is like an alarm clock on snooze. And while you can sort of sleep, it's not very restful.) I got up and tried to nurse her and put her back to bed, but that didn't work. It just woke K (29 months) up too. And then N was up. MWH looked like he wasn't doing so well so I sent him back to bed and I took all 3 downstairs.

T was tired so she wouldn't let me put her down. Carrying around a 23 pound weight when you're tired isn't fun. Listening to her screech isn't fun either. The weight seemed like the better option.

Anyway... I won't relive it all because it's bringing me down again, but I do blame the Time Change people. I seriously think the time change is EVIL.

All done now. Really.

Should I do it?

Just found out about NaBloPoMo. I think I do at least one post a day everyday (often two, sometimes three and occasionally 4!). Heh.

punny around here

I was explaining to my husband that I was suffering from episodic acute stress.

He asked, "So if they weren't cute, we wouldn't be stressed?"

Ba-dum-Bump Ching.

Everyone wants to be a comedian.

A big post about stress

There are MANY different kinds of stress.

While my chronic stress is significantly lower this year, I would say that my episodic acute stress level is higher this year.

If you didn't click the link to episodic acute stress above, it is caused by "over arousal," or having too many irons in the fire. Yup, that's me. Most of the time, I don't mind, but lately it's getting to me. I'm not really a "Type A" person. I'm a perfectionist, but not in a Type A way. I mean, I have some Type A tendencies, but really I'm not that Type A. (And it's not just my opinion, MWH doesn't think I am actually Type A either.)

I don't think my episodic acute stress is caused by "worrywart" tendencies either. I worry, but much less than many people I know. I'm pretty cool with fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants. I am usually pretty zen. However, I'm currently, tired, short-tempered, and overwhelmed.

I think that it's very episodic, because right now, 2 of the 3 little girls (K and T) are not in a good place. I don't think I need therapy, but I need something! There is so much screaming. Even N, who is in a pretty good place is sometimes not in a good place. It seems that all three are constantly competing for me and my attention. They push and hit each other to get to me. They don't act like this to get to any one else. It's all about me. I'm special because I am the Mommy. (I'm sure you all experience it too with your kids. I don't think I have an exclusive on this, but this is my post in which I explain MY STRESS.)

(If you clicked the link above you'll also learn that migraines are common with episodic acute stress.... hmmmm... know any one who just had a migraine?)

While it's flattering in one way, to have each little girl want ME I feel like it's sucking the life force out of me in another way. They are so demanding. I try to spend quality time alone with each girl individually, but it doesn't seem to help that much. If it is helping, I'd hate to see what it would be like without the quality time.

Actually, I'm sure it's helping, but it is not enough. I think I need to find a little more time to do fun things with them.

There's actually a positive kind of acute stress. I think the thing about the episodic stress is that I'm not in control of it. I think stress, that you are in control of, is a good thing.

I think right now I am also feeling stressed about the remodel. I am not in control of that. We got good news about one thing this week and that is making me feel less stressed about the remodel, but there is still another potential thing to be stressed about that I am not in control of.

I think that right now, it's just not a good time. I have been working hard to arrange things so I could take time off during this time as we get closer to finishing the remodel, and I'm glad I did that but I am still overwhelmed.

I'm so overwhelmed that all I want to do right now is sleep. I don't have the energy I need. I don't like this feeling. I have been feeling more and more overwhelmed the past couple of weeks. I feel so wimpy feeling overwhelmed... and then I feel more overwhelmed... I just kind of want to slap myself around, but that hasn't been helping.

I do know it will get better, and when you logically consider my life, it is not bad in any way, shape, or form.... When I look at how things were a year ago, I don't understand why I think I feel worse right now than I did a year ago. The negatives are 1) that it's really really busy and 2) that I'm not in control of many things. I think, even though I had more chronic stress last year, I was in more control of things. I think two toddlers are harder to control than 1!

It will get better. It will get better. It will get better. It will get better. It will get better. It will get better. It will get better. It will get better. (I have to keep chanting this or else I might cry.)

Sunday's Random post

This morning (Sunday) I took T (14 months) in her costume (black kitty) to the local coffee shop (not Starbucks). This got me free coffee for a week. Woo-hoo! I had heard a rumor that if you took your child in-costume that you would get this as a prize. I tried it out. It's true.


Am I a horrible mother for selling my child out for 7 mochas?



***********************


This morning I interviewed another babysitter and my kids screamed pretty much the whole time. I sent MWH (my wonderful husband) and the older two to the park, but they were there for about 15 minutes. I. am. so. embarrassed. The potential babysitter was really nice and didn't seem to mind. She explained that she was from a family of 5 and she was the 2nd oldest.

I just can't believe how noisy it is around here sometimes.

The thing that is troubling me this morning is that Miss K (29 months) bit T. She did it twice. The first time she bit her through the bulky fleece PJs that T was wearing and didn't leave a mark. The second time she did it on T's hand and there was a light set of teeth marks.

I DON'T WANT A BITER.

The first time she did it, I lost it. I yelled and screamed and put K in time out while T was screaming. I am not proud of my reaction, but what flashed in my mind is that S_______, the preschool we go to, does not tolerate biting. We love S______ and I had visions of K getting kicked out of S_______. Hence, the yelling on my part.

Now I'm calmer and I realize that with K, yelling will not actually do anything. I'm really going to have to work to make sure that this behavior doesn't continue.

I think that K is biting because N (4 and 3/4s) has decided that she is a puppy*. She is ALWAYS crawling around, whimpering, barking, or licking. Last night, N bit MWH's pant leg. We told her that we didn't allow puppies to bite and she didn't do it again, but I think K saw it happen.

Anyway, today K started to pretend that she's a puppy and I think that's why she's biting. I told N that she needs to become a different animal.

*It's amazing how "in character N stays, but it is NO LONGER CUTE. It is just annoying. It's been going on for 3 or 4 days now.



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There is more, but I think the two other things I want to write about are distinct enough that I want different posts.

Saturday's random post

I am pleased to report that my head and sinuses are pretty much back to normal. I got this not very bad cold on 10/3 and I am finally pretty much back to normal. It just seems sick and wrong (pun intended) that it takes so long to recover from something not so bad.

It never was horrible, but a month of not feeling up to par? Just not fair.

T also seems to be pretty much all better too. K's nose is still running and she's still coughing, but I think she's getting better too...

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T's teething again... She's getting the teeth that go right in front of the 1 year molars.... She had the first four on the top and bottom and got her 1 year molars right about a year and this will be the last teeth she gets until her 2 year molars. I can't believe how big she is.




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Yesterday (Saturday) we had some new college students help us for a few hours with the girls. It was nice to be able to get a few things done on a Saturday. When we are in the new house and the remodel is done it should be easier.



***********************

Miss T loves to play on the stairs and try to climb and swing the baby gate open and shut. I don't like her to do this. However, sometimes she screams so loud that I let her do it for a while to prevent total hearing loss. Last night (Saturday), after deafening me with a scream when I tried to take her away from the gate, I let her play with it and she fell.

She fell on the tile that is at the bottom of the stairs (have I mentioned I dislike this house and can't wait to get into our new house???). I thought she was going to have a horrible bruise by her eye, but babies often bounce and it is just a little red around her eye.

I feel horrible that I let her play with the baby gate but I don't know what to do about her screaming. I think she'll be less screamy as soon as she has more words. I look forward to it and so do my ears. I really am worried about noise-induced hearing loss.

Her screams pierce my ears and then my ears ring for a while. This can't be good for the ear.

Good news!

I'm a lot less stressed than I was last year around this time.

I re-took the inventory and I'm somewhere between 150 and 200 depending on a couple of things. I'm almost low stressed. Yippee!

(The link on the old post no longer works... here's a new link to the scale that does. Remember to count anything that has occurred in the last YEAR, not just recent things.)

One-word Meme

From Nino (and from someone else, but Nino didn't link to that person 'cause it came in an email).

1. Yourself: optimistic

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife: wonderful

3. Your hair: brown

4. Your mother: worried

5. Your Father: Italian

6. Your Favorite Item: Powerbook

7. Your dream last night: forgot

8. Your Favorite drink: mocha

9. Your Dream Car: TT Roadster (sorry, but it's two words) (Or I could just put FAST)

10. The Room You Are In: bedroom

11. Your fear: loss

12. What you want to be in 10 years: me

13. Who you hung out with last night? family

14. What You're Not: snotty

15. Muffins: maybe

16. One of your Wish List Items: technology

17. The Last Thing You Did: ate

18. What You Are Wearing: sweats

19. Your Favorite Weather: 70's

20. Your Favorite Book: many

21. What Is The Last Thing You Ate: veggies

22. Your Life: wonderful

23. Your Mood: thoughtful

24. Your body: strong

25. What are you thinking about right now: paint

26. Car: dirty

27. What are you doing at the moment: relaxing

28. Your summer: busy

***29. Your kids: CUTE! (I added this one)
Go ahead, try it.

PSA Part 2

Here's a web site all about HPV. It answered all my questions.

If you test negative, for HPV, and if you are over 30 in a monogamous relationship, then you don't have to have a pap smear for 3 years, but you still need to see doctor every year. (I know I was worried about not seeing my doctor every year because I heart her.)

Maybe????

Maybe K is starting to wean?????

Maybe?

I don't want to jinx it by writing about it, but it's been 4 nights in a row that she hasn't asked to nurse at night.

While part of me is sad because this is the end of an era, part of me is delighted to get some of my body back. She's 29 months. I am encouraging the weaning, but not pushing. I'm in the "don't offer, don't refuse" stage. I also am trying not to be in situations that make her want to nurse. If she sees me getting dressed, she wants to nurse. If I snuggle with her too long at night she'll probably ask, so I'm, for the moment, snuggling less. MWH (my wonderful husband) is doing a little more snuggling.

I am very full of milk, so I know someone is drinking less.

I know some women nurse longer than 29 months, but I think 29 months is a pretty darn long time. I'm not going to feel guilty for trying to wean now.

It's much longer than I ever imagined we'd go. I'd hoped we'd make it to 2 years. N weaned herself at 15 months. I could have kept her going a little longer, but she didn't need it. Literally all I did was not get her up in the morning (her daddy did) for 3 days and she didn't ask again for like 2 weeks. It's not like she really needed/wanted to nurse.

Anyway... I digress. We'll see how long T goes. I imagine she'll 2-3 nursings a day for a few more months and then she'll drop to 1-2 and then I'll encourage weaning for her right at 2 years (or that's what I think/hope will happen).

Have blankie...

Will snuggle

Miss T (14 months) is sooooo cute. I actually don't mind getting up at 6 am to grab her and nurse her (and then have her go back to sleep until 9 or 9:30 am). Why you ask?

Because when I go to get her, she stands up, looks at me with her cute little sleepy face, then makes a mad scramble to grab all of her blankets (3--2 silky ones and one fleecy one) and then wants me to pick her up.

Really, it's very very cute. She also tries to grab all of her blankets when we go in to get her in the morning when she wakes up. I need to video tape it.

When ever I see her do it, I think, "Have blankie, will snuggle."

Every kid is different....

I need to document this about Miss K. The other night, she slept on the floor of the closet in her and N's room. She declared the closet "her room" and that that was where she was sleeping.

I happily let her as it wasn't in my bed. (We've been really working on her sleeping in a place other than our room... She has not slept in our room since last Tuesday (10/17).)

The closet sleeping did make me feel guilty and I'm in the process of trying to order the mattress and frame for her bed today, but the store hasn't called me back to take my order. It seems if I call up and say, "I want to spend money at your store..." that they should call back, don't you think?

Be careful what you wish for....

I've been wanting to teach a course for a while. A course at a University.

I haven't taught for about 10 years now, but I loved doing it before. I miss it. I taught a lot during my graduate school days. I love doing technology training now. Professionally I'm in a place where I do a lot of pseudo-teaching. I need to make sure I still like real teaching. I think I do, but I need to make sure.

I just got an offer to teach a course at a local university.

I think I'm going to accept it.

It was a lot easier to be resolute in my desire to teach a course before I got the offer.

Theoretically it will only take about 10 hours a week to teach the course. It will start in January. I can do some preparation now so it will take less time in January.

It is a course in an area I know pretty well.

It is a course in an area I am already working a great deal in and this area is actually ramping up as of November.

I think it makes sense.

I've often thought I want to do more teaching and this gives me the opportunity to double-check my thoughts.

Must go agonize over this decision a bit more.

Yippee!

This morning, Miss K (29 months) was completely dry! She got up and went on the potty!!! This is the first time she has stayed dry overnight. I changed her diaper at ~10 pm last night and she made it until ~9:15 this morning.

I'd say this was a big step.

I'm trying to control my fantasies about having only one in diapers as it is a little early. As a reference point, Miss N was dry all the time and out of diapers at 34 months, but she didn't start potty-training until she was about 30-ish months old. (I actually need to look back for the details. Miss K was born with N was 28 months old and I know we didn't have any success with N before Miss K showed up. All of those memories are fuzzy because of the whole new baby thing.)

Miss K is pretty much doing the potty-training thing all on her own. Of course we're encouraging, and rewarding her successes, but she's making the decisions about when things happen and we're only making suggestions about what might be next. With Miss N it was sooooooo much harder because we didn't know what we were doing. It is so much easier once you've seen it happen one time (or at least it is for me).

Yup, I'd say we're back to regular Mommy-blog programming.

Tears rolling down my face

I have to preface this with a disclaimer. I don't usually read this blog, but MWH does. (It's his second favorite blog. Heh.) He read this entry and told me I should read the entry.

I was laughing so hard.

Go read it. I'll wait.

I identified with him in such a deep way. It was scary. If my Internet were down for a day, look out.



We now return to our regularly scheduled Mommy-blog.

House update

We have picked out tile for our bathroom (shower and floor), the guest bathroom (floor), the laundry room, and the entryway. We still have to pick out stone for the fireplace. Tomorrow I get to slap some more test paint on the wall, but after 2 other tries, I think we have finally purchased (to test) colors we like. Cross your fingers!

Oh, and the best news... We are done with one inspection on the house and now our contractor can start sheet rocking!

(I was so worried that we were not going to pass and that we'd never get to move into our house, but it's done. Now we can have walls! Yippee!)

Creativity

If you want to see my latest endeavor of making a picture collage (a digital one) of our family, leave me a comment. If I don't have your email you'll need to leave it, but if you leave it, I'll delete the comment so it doesn't stay up for spammers to grab.

Have you ever noticed?

Have you ever noticed how my posts are often light and fluffy? When I'm overwhelmed, that's what I do. I make the equivalent of blog meringue.

I was working on a long post about the remodel, but then I got overwhelmed by it all and had to abandon it for now. I hope to finish it and share with you soon. Things are happening. I can tell you that our new floor is laid! It's not finished, but it's in and it needs to lay there and shrink/swell/acclimate for about 3 weeks before it gets finished. I do love it. I am excited to see the floor all done. And then I'll gaze at it fondly.

I really really really want to move to our house that is being remodeled. I am hopeful that we can make it in by the week of Thanksgiving or 12/1. My husband (MWH) is trying to prepare me for the possibility that we might not be done, but I'm sticking my fingers in my ears and singing "La-La-La-La" very loud whenever he tries to tell me that. I really really really want to get settled.


**********************

I had my doctor's visit today. My doctor was wonderful to see. I totally heart her.

My official weight, with clothes on, 1 year and 2 months post-partum, but while still breastfeeding 2 was recorded at 1X5. It was actually 1X4.5, but the nurse rounded up. I would have rounded down. I'm nice like that.

All things considered, I really can't complain about my weight or my body. I'm still 5-10 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight (pre from before N) but a) most of my weight is in my b*o*o*bs (cause of the breastfeeding thing), and my thighs are already smaller than they were before kids. I know that I won't lose all the weight until I stop breastfeeding so I've decided NOT to worry about it any more.

I have started a slight "weaning" process with K (29 months). I am now telling her she can only nurse for 5 minutes (or less) when we start a nursing session. And then I'll do, "just 4 more minutes, and etc. during the session.

She hasn't asked to nurse the last two nights, but has in the mornings. I am hopeful that she will wean before kindergarten, and I am starting to encourage it, but I don't want to force it if she's just not ready.

(Begin PSA)

One thing I learned today in my appointment is that they (the practice my doctor is in) are now doing HPV screenings on all women. I haven't done all my research yet to understand fully understand HPV and cervical cancer, but I am reading and mostly understand it.... But, the good thing is if a woman tests negative for HPV then they don't have to have an annual pap (oh, but they are so much fun! NOT). If a woman over 30 is negative, and in a monogamous relationship, then the schedule changes from yearly paps to one every 3 years.

(End PSA)


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Okay... Should sleep now. Like my friend Nino, I am tired too.

Nitey-night.

Braids

Ever since she had hair long enough to put in a pony tail or do something to it, Miss N wouldn't let me. If she ever let me play with it, I'd spend hours (or so it seemed) french braiding her hair and then she'd rip it out two seconds after we finished. (Yea, didn't make a Mom too happy.)

Lately though, she's been very into having her hair styled. She created this style of 4 braids. I did it for her a few times before she decided she just liked 2 braids on the side (not french braided down the back) best. She is also very fond of pony tails.



I really liked the 4 braids!

Tired.

Tomorrow will hopefully be less tired.

Saturday was tired. Sunday was well-rested and I felt good. Today was worse than Saturday.

princesses

In this post I asked a question...

If you were a princess dress, where would you be?

I got a couple of suggestions from two other Moms/friends who have obviously hidden things and made them very safe too (heh).

But then, my friend suggested, "On a princess."

And look...What do you know?




Aren't they cute?

Getting old....

Sucks.

My father just had surgery on his ear and they removed a growth. It was a squamous cell carcinoma. We'll be seeing if it is any where else soon or if it was local. I hope he's okay.

can't. go. on.

At 12:30 today, I was returning home from the coffee shop and I thought I was going to pass out. I was achy and tired and really feeling poorly. I wasn't sure if I had a sinus infection, or if I was coming down with the flu. I told my husband about it and he said, "Why don't you finish your coffee and see how you feel in half an hour."

Half-hour later, I was a human again and almost perky.

He knows me so well, and he still loves me. Heh.

A good meeting

Today, I went to a meeting for work. I can't say much because I just don't here, but it does involve the A-partner at work and the S-Project. I hope we can find a way to incorporate S into our T work (my favorite project).

It was a good exciting meeting. It was with someone who knows his stuff and thought what we are doing was interesting. I think the team I work with left very inspired. YIPPEE! My supervisor has been in sort of a depressed funk lately. I hope this helps get him out of it. I think it did.


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I got a call from a friend who I haven't spoken to for a while. I was so delighted she called. It was nice to talk. I miss her! I went to school with her and we had a lot in common. She was probably my first friend who called herself a feminist. While I am one, I tend not to call myself that. I don't know why I don't and maybe, if I get time, I'll explore that in future blog posts. I do hope I can see my friend JG someday soon. She's a coffee-fiend like me. She talked about "her drink." A quad mocha.

Yea. I'm impressed! You know that's saying something because I am a coffee-holic!


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I think I'll end here so I don't end up with the all over the map post.

I still feel headachy and tired and kind of blah, but I have a post about why I think that is (no I'm not pregnant!).

All 3

N is learning about our solar system at school. She made this picture.
She knows the names of the planets and she knows their order too. She sings a little song....

Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars
Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune
the last one the last one the last one is Pluto in our solar system.

We've told her that poor Pluto isn't a planet any more, but rather that it's a dwarf planet. We explained how science isn't a bunch of facts, but rather a way of thinking* and that people are still trying to understand how things are.

If you notice, there are only 8 planets on the picture. She said she didn't do Pluto since it's not technically a planet.

I wonder how much her teachers will dislike us since we encourage her to be a critical thinker and an active learner already.

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K is just having lots of sleep issues. The other night she fell asleep on the drive home and slept from 6-8:15 pm. I thought she might have needed it because she if still getting over the cold. However, when she was still bouncing around at 1 am, I regretted the decision to let her nap.


Here is a recent picture by K. She drew a Halloween picture and it has a black cat in it. Can you see him?


The black cat is the distinct black figure near the top middle.

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This morning, I was singing the ABCs to T (14 months). I stopped at S for some reason and I swear she said TU. Who knows!

Here's a picture of T (14 months and N 4 and 3/4s) drawing a picture together. We do lots of drawing around here. She thought she was such a big girl.



*"Science is a way of thinking much more than it is a body of knowledge." Carl Sagan

cough cough...

I really hate colds. They just drag on forever. Last Thursday I thought I was almost over it. I've had some fairly good days, but now I feel pretty miserable again. I don't think I've gotten anything new. I think I still have full sinuses and I may have a sinus infection. I don't like to go to the doctor, and I don't like antibiotics unless absolutely necessary, so I'll probably just wait it out a little longer.

Can sinus infections trigger a migraine? (Hey DM, my migraine expert...)

I see my OBGYN on Tuesday (annual exam) and if I still feel cruddy then she'll prescribe me something. She's always offering. She (my doctor) has a lot of sinus issues so she is very ready to prescribe something to help combat a sinus type infection... (Even though it is not her specialty.)

Did I mention I love my OBGYN?

I do. I heart her! I've been with her through 3 pregnancies with her and she did 2 of the deliveries (K and T). She was pregnant twice while I was pregnant. She has 3 kids (one before I started and her 3rd one was when I was pregnant with K and a bit of a surprise too). (Heh... If an OBGYN can get a surprise, we all should feel not so bad about a surprise. She's a professional after all. Heh!) She is an amazing woman. I appreciate how well she listens, how knowledgeable she is, and how willing she is to share her own experiences.

I have her to thank for encouraging me not to put off children and for not making me wait more than 6 months of charting for treatment when I had problems getting pregnant. I started seeing her when I was 29 and just married. She had just gotten married too and little did I know, but she was pregnant with her first. She asked me what I thought about children and I was of the "maybe someday much later" school then.

When I hit 30 she told me that I shouldn't wait too much longer. That it gets harder to get pregnant quickly after one turns 30. I didn't really believe her, but she did prompt me to start thinking about it. Six months later, my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and it sort of hit home that life is fragile and I shouldn't put off kids for too long.

Six months later I went off the pill. I got pregnant quickly but had a miscarriage. I was devasted. Afterwards it seemed to take forever, and it became clear that something was funky with my body.

My luteal phase was very short. It was just 8-11 days. We did some blood work and it indicated that I was ovulating but my progesterone never was very high. My FSH was a little elevated. My doctor thought clomid would help and it did. That's how we got both N and K. After N we did an FSH day 3 test again and it was still rising. My doctor encouraged me not to wait too long for #2 if I didn't want to have to do more aggressive treatment.

After K, I thought #3 might be fun, but I wasn't ready for another baby right away...I wasn't sure if my body would cooperate. I didn't think I would want to do very aggressive treatment since I already had two beautiful little girls. Surprise... Getting pregnant with T on my own was a shocker. I'm still shocked in fact. Delighted, but shocked!

Anyway... I am rambling...

The point was of all this was that I have my doctor (and my husband--heh) to thank for N and K.

I think I probably would have eventually gotten pregnant on my own, but the wait might have done me in. Who knows how long we would have had to try before we got pregnant the first time. Clearly, (T is evidence) I can produce a good egg every now and then. Any one experiencing infertility or subfertility knows the wait is agony. Some people deal with it better than others. I was dealing, but I didn't feel like me. I felt very depressed. I'm not a depressed kind of person. My doctor knew this.

She also knew that after a miscarriage a pregnant woman is scared out of her mind. She did lots of early ultrasounds for me. She gave me her direct line phone number. I heart her.

Before Tuesday, I need to print out the birth story of T (14 months) for my doctor. I have given her copies of all the other birth stories. I can't decide if I should put my birth stories up here or not. I have them all written in a journal and I enjoy reading them. They are definitely for the girls. We talk about their births too. Miss N knows she took her time and "got stuck." Miss K knows she just "crawled out." (K's birth was absolutely amazing!)

I know I love reading about other people's experiences, and I share a lot, but they are "not current" news now and I can't decide. What do you think?

Every Year....

Every year, the medical group we go to has a "shortage" of flu shots. Every year, the doctors tell us to get one. Every year, to get one you have to jump through a frickin' hoop or six. This morning, just 5 minutes ago, the medical foundation called (recorded call) to tell me that they have a shortage. I was shocked. Okay, not really.

The problem is always in the ordering of the vaccinations. You would think that eventually someone would figure out how to fill out the order form correctly. (Hint: The zeros go on the RIGHT side of the number.)

I don't really like the flu shot. I worry about a vaccine reaction in both me and the girls because of this. Last year, with T so teeny tiny (2 months a year ago), I agonized about what to do and then decided to go ahead and get the flu shot for everyone (except T). I decided having the flu would be much worse than the small risk one year of a shot posed.

I realize the flu shot can NOT protect you from the flu. My point in this post isn't to debate it's efficacy, nor even start the agonization process about whether I/we get it. My point in this post is to say IF YOU'RE GONNA RECOMMEND THAT EVERYONE GET THE FLU SHOT, THEN HAVE ENOUGH. It is really annoying to be told over and over to get one and not be able to if you want.

delete

I am cleaning up my address book so I can transfer it over to the Blackberry. I have lots of people in my address book that I have worked with, or been friends with, but I have lost touch with them. It's been accumulating for over 10 years now. Quite a few people have long since moved, but I didn't want to delete them at the time because it seemed sad.

So while sad, it is a good thing. Another good thing about Blackberry is that I can use a calendaring application on my computer and sync it with the Blackberry. I can also publish that calendar to the web so my husband can see what I have going on.

This morning I took N (4 and 3/4s) and K (29 months) to the park. I thought it might be good for them to run around and get a little exercise. N gets plenty of exercise at preschool, but K doesn't have as many opportunities. I thought maybe they'd listen better if we played hard. (I think part of K's problem right now with not listening and being so, ummm, not good?, is that she's still not over that cold.) Anyway, the point of this paragraph is to tell you I didn't do email at the park even though I had my Blackberry. I find that a quick check of my email as I park my car makes me less twitchy and enjoy what activity I'm going to go do more 'cause I'm not worrying about what might be in my email in box.

I also have found that since I'm still learning how the Blackberry works, I don't really want to send emails that much from it. The keyboard is small and I'm still getting used to it. I'm okay if it's a read-only device. So far, I think it's actually giving me more balance in my life. Huh. Go figure! It's not what I would have predicted.

My husband (MWH) wanted me to blog this... Last night, my Blackberry buzzed while I was holding it and looking at the web. I didn't know what to do. I looked up and told MWH that it was buzzing and I didn't know how to answer it. He thought it was so funny. Me, technology geek that I am, couldn't figure out how to answer the phone. It turns out, it wasn't the phone ringing, but rather the device alerting me to a new email. I still have a lot to learn about the Blackberry.

I'm taking it slow with the Blackberry. Savoring all the new things I'm learning. I want to extend the honeymoon period with it. When I told MWH that, he laughed. He and I both said (at the same time), "Yea, soon the honeymoon will be over and I/you will be swearing at it." (We're geeky like that.)

Wake-up call?

Tonight, Mary Poppins (our amazing nanny), got very mad at our children. They were at our house and were just not listening or doing anything for her. She was both frustrated with them and scared that they might hurt themselves. (They were jumping on the furniture and being out-of-control.)

K (29 months) was being especially awful because she didn't want to get out of the bathtub and she was hitting and kicking. K has learned how to open our front door and she frequently does this. We just put up a flip lock on it so hopefully it will prevent her from opening the door. As I said above, the nanny is worried that they might get hurt (or in this case that they might wander out the front door).

Mary Poppins always gives them baths for us and we've told her she doesn't need to. Tonight she admitted it might be too hard for one person to bathe all 3. We are fine with that. Both MWH (my husband) and I believe that 3 little girls all under 5 are too hard for one person. Neither he nor I like to be alone with them at night during dinner and bath time.

Anyway, we're instituting changes around here. The first change is that K is going to have to learn how to listen better. We have to figure out a way to get her to do time-out. She doesn't do chairs. She gets up and runs. She can climb out of every crib we have. It is frustrating. We don't want kids who drive away their nanny. This nanny doesn't scare easily. She was really upset when she left our house, but she did sound a lot better when she got home.

There are days when I feel the same way, but since I'm the Mom, and this is my house, I don't get the luxury of going home and escaping them.

updates

I found the dresses.

I had this vague memory of hiding them somewhere and "shoving" them somewhere quickly when K (29 months) was coming. Want to guess where they were?





The garage. I thought I might have left them in the garage. They had been in the back of my car for a week or so, and then K and I were loading something into my car and I didn't want her to see them so I quickly took them out of my car and shoved them between some boxes that are in storage in the garage. I looked EVERYWHERE last night, including the garage, but it was dark in the garage (even with the light on) and with both cars in there it was too hard to look. In the light of day when I could open the garage door and see with the sunlight, I found the dresses!

My head is a little better, but I am tired and fuzzy-headed feeling. It's been getting better all day and I'm hopeful that I will feel well enough to go to aerobics. I think the blood flow and endorphins will make me feel better.

I did not meet up with my friend's husband. My head was too bleh. I did learn how to mail things to her though and she now has two little packages coming her way. We'll see if the packages make it there quickly or slowly. She mailed something to me that took 1.5 months to get here. We'll hope that mine to her go faster. They said 7-10 days. Look for them DM!

I have this fear of the post office. I don't like mailing things. I like email and the Internet, but not real mail. This is significant for me to have figured out how to mail something abroad. Now it will be easier to put packages together for her.

huh?

I woke up this morning to T (14 months today!) crying at around 8 am. I got about 7.5 hours of sleep, but I was exhausted. She slept through the night. I woke up a couple of times thinking she should be waking up any moment, but she didn't. I layed on her floor and nursed her 'cause I was too tired to go back to our room, and plus, K was in bed. I didn't want T to wake K.

After I nursed T I desperately needed to go back to bed, but she didn't want to go back to her crib and she screamed and woke up K anyway. About this time, I realized I was having an aura (migraine thing)* and because of the accompanying dizziness I needed to be horizontal. My husband (MWH) got up with K and I tried to get T to snuggle and go back to sleep with me in the bed. T nursed for a while, but didn't want to go back to sleep.

The aura passed and I was hopeful I wouldn't get a headache. Somewhere along the way I took K (cause she was still tired) and gave T (who was not tired) to my husband. K and I snuggled, nursed, and snuggled some more. I got to be horizontal until 9:30 with her.

Unfortunately, when I got up I had a headache. It is getting worse. I've had 2 cups of tea, 2 extra strength tylenol and 2 advil. I am now going to rest for a few minutes and hope that it will go away. My head doesn't hurt as much as a typical migraine, but I am all shakey. I feel very off-balance. Not really dizzy, but I can't seem to actually think.

This morning, I was planning to take some things to my friend's (DM) husband so he can take them to her. She is my friend who moved abroad. If I don't make it to meet him before he leaves I will send the light things to you.

For DM... My excuse... I have been so busy that I haven't had a chance to see him. I've spoken to him and I wanted to see him yesterday, but then yesterday, work was very busy.

Good news, about why it was so busy yesterday. Yesterday I had a meeting with a woman who will be starting to work with me on a project! Yay! It won't just be me working alone on it.






*I didn't know until I read that linked page that auras were uncommon with migraines. I get them without the headache too. I have the "one-eye aura." I have a one-sided headache. My aura was in my left eye this morning complete with the flashing zig-zaggy light. My headache is on the right side. It is all odd. I would not be surprised if it were related to this.

very safe

I bought N (4 and 3/4s) and K (29 months) princess dresses for Halloween. I put them somewhere so they wouldn't play with them too much. I CAN'T FIND THEM. I have looked everywhere. I remember kind of throwing them somewhere in a hurry and now I can't find them. ARRRRRRGGH!

If you were princess dresses, where would you be?

Oh the screaming

Tonight was a very noisy night. K (29 months) started doing her banshee scream again tonight. I hadn't heard it for a long time. I don't know when it stopped, but I can tell you it started again tonight and she did it 4 times. It didn't take much to provoke it. It was as shrill as it had been a year ago. I had forgotten exactly what it sounded like, but I instantly recognized it when she did it. I knew it sounded different than a T__-dactyl cry, but I couldn't remember exactly how. Now I know. It's much more high pitched and "bloody murder" sounding. The T__-dactyl cry certainly gets very high, but it also has this animal guttural sound to it.

Anyway, T (14 months), and K were shrieking a lot. N (4 and 3/4s) was playing baby monster. While N was shrieking because something was wrong, she was shrieking as a baby monster. It. was. very. loud.

My ears are still ringing.

You may not recognize me...

I am not stressed. I had a massage today for my aching back. (Did I tell you I cleaned most of the kitchen floor while holding T yesterday? All 22.5 pounds of her?? Cleaned, complete with bending and scrubbing. My floor is very clean. No crunchy floor for me right now. I am strong. My back is not happy about it though. I am so strong though. I use 9 lb. weights while working out at the gym. I used to use 3 lb. weights when I started working out back in 1994.)

Anyway, today I didn't do any real work (maybe an hour). I shopped. I strolled leisurely. I ran into a friend. We chatted. She asked if I'd lost weight and said I looked fabulous. I almost kissed her. I have lost about a pound or so (thanks to that cold) but not much. I do think I am firming up more though. As we were chatting, I realized I didn't have to run off to do three other things. She did. It was odd.

The problem with me is that I seem to have two modes, way stressed and off. Right now, I feel "off." I know I need to figure out how to do some stress, but not crazy stress and feel good about it, but it's hard for me. I'm used to being insanely busy or catching up on life and sleep. I'm trying to get some things organized and taken care of for the girls, the house when we get to move in, and to take care of me.

Right now I just want to sit. And not do anything. There are many things I could and should be doing, but I need my stress to make me do them. I always tell my husband (MWH) that I need my stress. That it keeps me going. That I fall apart without it.

How do I find the right balance? How do I learn to not just have two modes? What do you do?

I also just found this post and seriously, this is one of the reasons that I've been turning things down and trying to work less.

Geeking out

This is a test to see what a blog entry sent from my Blackberry looks like.

28/29 months

I started writing this a month ago. It's all still true, but K is now 29 months. I anticipate what I've written below will be the norm for the next 3 or 4 more months. (Please Give Me Strength to make it through!)

Miss K is 28 months. K is the same age now as N was when K was born. N was sooooo difficult when K was born. I thought N's behavior was because of K's birth. Now I'm starting to wonder if it wasn't just because of the age. (No, no...I am sure a new little sister had to have made it harder for N. K rocked poor N's world!)

K throws fits and is so disagreeable. She's always been obstinate, but in a sweet way--now it's just in a mulish sort of way. She screams, she kicks, she hits, and she has a trump card that scares me.

K's sensitive gag reflex has allowed for her to get away with some things that N never was allowed to get away with and I think because of this K's more difficult and less cooperative than N was at this age. I ran a tight ship with N and she rarely got away with anything. K used to get away with more because of the gag reflex. I am getting stricter though because K's sensitive gag reflex is getting less sensitive it seems. She can't cry and throw up as easily as she could a year ago. For this, we are very thankful. (VERY VERY VERY!) She's been trying to scream and throw up, but knock wood, it hasn't worked lately!

I think recently I wrote something like, "Two isn't so bad the second time around." I take it back. It is bad. The only good thing is that I understand that behavior changes and that it will get better so for the most part, I'm more patient and in a better place since I am not pregnant or with a newborn (as I was when N was 2). I also have more parenting tricks up my sleeve.

One thing I tend to do (bad Mommy) is try to bribe K to be better. It always worked with N (and may explain why she is the way she is....e.g., expecting things when she is good). But when it's night time and you're tired, it's easy to try a bribe. (If you put on your diaper we can have some ice cream.) Or even a threat. (If you don't cooperate, you won't get to wear your favorite pjs.) Bribes (or threats) don't work on K. They never have. This forces me to quit being lazy try other (better parenting) techniques.

My wonderful husband (MWH) favors the "repeat why you think the kid is crying until she stops" technique as praised by Harvey Karp. MWH has had good success with that technique. I've used a few times and it does work pretty well. What I find is that the "repeat" technique will calm K down enough and then I can usually re-direct her attention.

In addition to this age being hard, and logic not being present at all, K has given up her naps. If she naps, she doesn't go to bed until around 11 am or even midnight and then she doesn't sleep so well and gets up around 7 or 8 am. If she doesn't nap she's usually passed out by 9 or 10 pm and sleeps until at least 9 am. If she's just exhausted, I'll let her sleep for 1 hour during the day. I don't mind cat naps in the car.

K and N are so different. It's hard as a parent not to compare your children. N was always so full of energy that she exhausted me. K doesn't have the same high level of energy. However, she's got a more fiery conviction to her nature than N did. She yells more. She talks back more. She hits more. She is just fiery. She doesn't run off like N did. She stands still occasionally. She is very coordinated and I don't worry about her being a spaz and hurting herself like I worried about N.

One big difference between N and K is that N could soothe herself and in fact, she needed to calm herself down. She needed time in her crib to calm herself down. She would not calm down if I were around. In the last day (today Sunday 10/15) I have learned that K actually needs to be held tightly until she calms down. Otherwise she just keeps getting angrier. It seems that holding her soothes her. (The opposite of N! N seems to need her space.) You learn one set of tricks with your first and then you have to learn a whole different set with your second.

K is still so darn cute and so darn sweet sometimes it floors me. She's also very smart and is starting to get more and more into letters, and the sounds they make. She loves her gymnastics class. She loves dressing like a princess. She loves all things princess.

I am a little embarrassed about how much she likes princesses, but they make her so happy, so I don't worry about it. She really really loves Cinderella. She calls herself Cinderella. She calls me "step mother." I don't like that. We keep talking about how the step mother in Cinderella is mean, and that I am her Mommy and not mean. She agrees, but then she still calls me step mother. Oh well. It will pass.

She talks about her fairy godmother all the time. She calls our nanny her fairy godmother.

She also say that I am "Jasmine the Princess," N is "Sleeping Beauty," my friend DM is "Snow White," her daughter L is
"Pocahontas," T is "Ariel" and MWH is "Belle." MWH just loves being called a princess. (Heh!) When N was K's age she was in to "Thomas the Tank Engine trains." I was Toby and my car was named Toby. MWH was Gordon and N was James. N LOVED James. I think MWH preferred being a train to a princess.

Today K decided that she wanted to take ballet. I signed N up for ballet lessons as soon as she was old enough. N really didn't like them. I do think K will like dance. She will love the outfits! She is calmer than N was, and very serious and studious sometimes and I think that will help too. Since I'm a dancer, I am excited at the thought of having a little dancer. I don't want to force it on her though but I think she'll love it! I told her when she was 3 we could start ballet lessons. She was excited.

K is still nursing once or twice a day. She also continues to be the amazing self toliet training toddler. We've done a little to encourage this endeavor that she started herself on, but nothing like what we were trying when N was this age. She's really far along for the effort we've put in (hardly any). N was just starting to train at 29 months and then pretty much out of diapers (even at night) by the time she was 2 years 9 months. Wow. I won't know what to do with myself if in 5-ish months we only have one kid in diapers. That would be amazing.

K is amazing and this age is challenging, but she's so cute!

Why Miss T can't be trusted alone in the living room

I give you a short photo-essay. More photos than essay actually.

















We're calling her climber-babe 2. K is also a climber. T is already getting into more trouble though at not even 14 months.

Yes, we were with her the whole time. If she runs in the living room, we follow her.

BlackBerry update

The Blackberry is good. I am getting better at using it. I've picked the theme for it (what the UI looks like and the style of it). I've personalized the ring tone. I learned something today.... Long line at the grocery store, no problem, Blackberry to the rescue. It was so cool! I stood in line and surfed the web. I wasn't impatient. I was shocked at how fast the line moved.

Yesterday, before I bought the Blackberry, I called my husband and warned him it might happen. After I bought it, I sent him an email telling him that I was one step closer to my dream of ubiquitous web access. I am a geek like that.

Tanget... N learned the word "ubiquitous" when she was very young... probably 2.5 years old. I would ask her what dirt was and she'd say "ubiquitous." She learned the word because it is a word I use a lot. When she was 3.5 she demonstrated that she really understood the word by telling me, "Mommy, in a swimming pool water is ubiquitous."

offline sort of ... errrr... well...

I got a blackberry yesterday. I've been thinking of doing this since August. I seriously had to think about a lot of things because I could see it taking over my life.

I am not going to let myself play with it too much. Heh.

My rules:

I won't do emails at the park.

I won't do emails when driving unless I am stuck in a traffic jam and don't move for an hour (this happened to me on Thursday). I literally only moved about 1 mile in 1 hour. Talk about frustrating! Talk about an absolute and total waste of my life. The good thing (because I am PollyAnna) was I got to talk to my friend who is abroad, but the bad thing was she had to listen to me complain about traffic. The good thing was that it made her realize she didn't miss the traffic here. (A quick wave to DM!)

I will use the blackberry when I am waiting along by myself and it's not easy to take a computer or there is no wireless (e.g., dentist office, doctor office--probably alone 3-4 times a year).

If I use it judiciously, which is my plan, it will not buy me that much more online time. I decided to go with it for the ability to transfer data back and forth between my phone and computer, and to get a way to easily synchronize my calendar. (Can't synchronize to where I work, but it's a step in the right direction. It was a little nerve-wracking to me that my old phone, where my calendar lived, wasn't backed-up at all.)

I'll let you know how the judicious thing goes.

So far, I like it though I don't understand why you have to hit ALT instead of NUM to get a number when you are typing. This doesn't make sense to me at all. Hello... NUM is right below the numbers. NUM tends to mean numbers. ALT doesn't. Wouldn't NUM make sense?! Design should make sense for the user in my opinion, not the technology. It there is a reason, and you know it, please explain.

If I don't blog too much in the next day or so, don't worry about me. I'm figuring out the new toy.

Correction/Housekeeping

With the upgrade of my blog and the nifty new counting tools and labeling thing, I just learned that I didn't publish as many posts as I thought in my first year of blogging.

In my blogoversary post I wrote this...

So will I make it to blogoversary two? Make a bet as to how many posts you think I'll make in the next year... Will I do more than 753 or fewer? Bets taken now. Winners announced 8/20/2007.

I did write that many, but I didn't publish all of them. I did publish about 450, but I guess that's still a lot. It seems like a let down though. I am sorry to disappoint you all. It was an honest mistake. I found the number, and I thought it was the number of published posts, but apparently it was all posts.

Just for reference, I now have 907 posts, but only 558 (559 if you count this one) are published. Someday I'll get my act together and publish more. Heh.

categories

I love categories... categories was really all I wanted in the upgrade. I'm so boring. I just wanted categories. Sigh.

The categorizing fiend in my has categorized all of 10/2006, 8/2005, and 9/2005. A LOT more to go.

Tell me what else I should look for. Tell me your favorite beta blogger features.

Just upgraded

I just upgraded to the new blogger... What do you think? Do you see any differences? Gotta go explore beta blogger soon. Gotta go teach a class soon too.

(I have over 900 previous posts... I would like to categorize them... How long do you think it will take me?)

Tears and Drama resolved

Yesterday, N (4 and 3/4s) cried because she wanted to go to the anniversary. My wise friend told me about how one of her little girls wanted to be at the birthday. My friend explained how it was all about cake. After I read that comment, I suggested to N that if she was a good girl and stopped crying that we could have cake together as a family at the end of the day. This cheered her cheered right up. (Mmmmmm, cake.) She was a really good girl for the nanny all day. When we got home, she had to tell me how good she was and how not good her sisters were. It was funny.

At the end of our day, we ate cake together as a family and now probably have a new tradition on our anniversary.

I offer the advice of "let them eat cake" if they are crying about wanting to go to [insert event/occasion here]. Works for me!

Public Apology to my Husband

I owe my husband a public apology. The last cold he got was in June. I did not appropriately feel sorry for him. I may have even called him a wimp.

I didn't think sinus pain from a cold could be that bad. I take it all back. My sinuses are KILLING ME. I didn't even have a bad cold. Right now, I am suffering majorly from a sinus headache. I am finding that I need ibuprofen, sudafed and acetaminophen, at carefully timed intervals, to keep the pain at a manageable level.

I am sorry honey! Pain is bad.

The night before

On the eve of our wedding, I couldn't sleep. I was so excited. I was so nervous. Even though we had a small-ish wedding (~80 people) these were 80 people very important to us. I don't know why I was so nervous, but I was. The day was great. Better than I ever imagined possible.

On the eve of our 8th wedding anniversary, I couldn't sleep. Not because I was nervous, but because baby girl #3 (13.5 months) thought it would be fun to get up and play. She woke up at 1 am and kept me up (on and off) until 3 am. I don't like it when my babies cry in the middle of the night.

I do what I think needs to be done. In the middle of the night, my decisions may or may not be that rational. My first goal is to keep my husband asleep. He gets grumpy and I don't. My second goal is to get the baby to sleep as quickly as possible. T has gotten me up more in the middle of the night than the other two. Miss K (29 months) wakes up earlier and sleeps the least, but Miss T is a light sleeper it seems.

(Miss N slept like an amazing dream baby pretty much since 6 weeks old. No complaints.)

Anyway, yesterday, after my adventures with T in the middle of the night, and then the phone rang at 7:45 and woke me (I ended up getting about 5 hours of sleep) I was exhausted. I typically get 6-7 hours a night. I can function, but my body prefers 7-8 with a nine-hour night thrown in occasionally for good measure. Despite my exhaustion*, we had a lovely day on our anniversary. My husband and I love to hang out. We didn't do anything really major, in fact, just the opposite. We did all of the mundane things that we never get a chance to do together.

I take this as a good sign. We don't need to do major things, we just want to be together. Someday, we'll go to a lovely beach resort (with day care) but not for another year or two. As soon as T is old enough to participate in things we'll do it.

Anyway... From 11-ish - 8-ish it was just MWH and me. We do need and want more time alone together, but we are also very wimpy when it comes to leaving our children. He feels as guilty as I do if we don't see them and put them to bed. It's nice to be on the same page as your partner. He and I are pretty much on the same word on the same page.

The day ended with me in severe pain (my head was pounding) from lack of sleep and the tale end of this cold. After T went to bed, MWH took over with the older two and I crawled into bed and read blogs. I couldn't really post because I was too tired, but I could read. I tried to go to sleep around 9:30. I fell asleep officially around 11 and got up around 8:30. I feel MUCH better today. I am sad because I can't hang all day with MWH.


*When I am tired, I get punchy. Yesterday I was extremely punchy. This makes MWH laugh. We like to laugh, so it's not a bad thing.

Tears and Drama

Miss N had 5 minutes of non-stop crying because she wanted to go to "the Anniversary." I kept trying to explain to her that "this" (arms gesturing wildly around me) was "the Anniversary." She finally calmed down when I told her we were going shopping to pick out stuff for the new house (which we are for a little while). She's been on a couple of those adventures and she is always bored.

More soon.

I did

We said "I do" 8 years ago.

I often can't believe I found someone as wonderful as I did.

We complement each other so well.

I'm a spaz and he's easy-going.

I bounce a lot. He stands steady.

We laugh all the time.

We talk all the time.

Well, when we can hear each other.

The house is full of little girl noise most of the time.

We are so lucky to have them.

I am so glad we met.

I am so glad that he was waiting for me.

He had a picture on his wall before he met me.

Of a dark haired woman standing on a beach looking at the ocean.

Many people have commented on the similarity between that picture and me.

I didn't know what my Prince Charming would look like.

I knew what I hoped he'd be like, but I had no idea what he'd look like.

He's everything I hoped for, and more. He's my ruggedly handsome amazing guy.



I love you.

Happy 8 years!

Guess what we did today?

The cute little toddler is T. More soon about the great pumpkin adventures. As a teaser, there will be a count-down in the post... 4,3,2,1.

I'd do more now, but I need to finish outlining a class lecture (I get to guest lecture for one of my friend/colleague's classes. I'm excited. I love teaching. Hi DK!) I've just spent the last hour deleting old files from my computer... I only have 3 G free on my machine. I need to do a massive clean up, but I'm such bit packrat that it's hard for me to delete things... Even things that I have 17 copies of... Geez... Okay... Here I go... trying to delete a little more.

Not surprisingly, it kept her awake...

Miss K doesn't need much sleep. She never has. She currently has a cold. (Yea, we've all gotten this one. It sucks!) Anyway, on Friday night she was sniffling and sneezing and I thought it would be a good idea to give her some Benadryl before bed so she would be able to breathe more easily.

My husband wondered if it was a good idea since there is an issue with Benadryl. It knocks most kids out, but sometimes, occasionally, it makes a child hyper. We hadn't ever given K Benadryl before. We didn't know for sure what would happen...(Play foreshadowing music....) I said, "It'll be fine." (Foreshadowing music swelling in the background.)

Benadryl always knocks N (4 and 2/3s) out. Usually in 20 minutes or less. It knocked T out when we had to do the head scan. I figured it would be fine to give K some since we know that two of our three fall asleep when they take it.

I gave K a dose. It soon became apparent (within about 10 minutes) that she wasn't getting sleeping, but that she was getting hyper. The girl was singing and running around and being wide awake until 12:30 am.

NO MORE BENADRYL for K!

Cute and Smart Girls

On Monday night, Miss N (4 and 2/3s) got T (1 year 1 month) undressed for her bath. She said, "Whew, it's hard to get her clothes off when she squirms."

This morning, Miss N got K (29 months) dressed. N put K's dress over K's head and then N put K's shoes on her. Miss K was a very helpful sister and didn't squirm too much while N dressed her.

Miss N can almost read now. MWH has been working with her (and working with me on a guest blog post about it). She is obsessed with writing right now. It's really cute. She's writing all the names of all the Disney Princesses. (There are worse things that she could be writing.)

I am just amazed at how good Miss N is being.

Whenever I say, "N____, come here." (MWH's name) and I'm with T, she immediately starts toddling over to where ever she thinks he is saying, "Da-da-da." It. is. so. cute. She is such a sweet T! She is a smart T because she already knows that N____ and Daddy are the same person.

Miss K says the funniest things. This morning she told me, "This is actually your bed Mommy. I sleep here though."

When we were at lunch today, Miss K introduced the whole family to this woman who stopped to talk with us. K said, "This is my big sister N, my baby sister T, my Mommy and my Daddy."

Miss K likes being a big sister a lot. She wiped T's face off when T was eating dinner. It was so funny to see K obsessed with getting T's face clean. T didn't mind her sister K wiping her face and didn't scream the way she does when her father or I wipe her face. It was really cute.

(Did I tell you about the time K stopped T from putting a toy in the toliet? Good save K!)

N's Illustration (to go with the previous entry)

Here's N's (4 and 2/3s) version of when we met.
















I'm on the left and MWH is on the right.

MWH is wearing a purple tie. (That's what is hanging between his legs--heh.) N knows that men wear ties on special occasions and therefore she determined that he was wearing one when we met since our meeting was a special occasion. (I think I can count the times on one hand that MWH has worn a tie since I've known him--okay maybe two hands.... about 1 time per year. We just don't get dressed up that often. We live in a casual place. And remember, we met in an exercise class, so definitely no tie.)

I have "black" hair. My hair is not black. It is dark brown, but apparently if you're a blonde (like N) all hair darker than hers is black. (That's what MWH confirmed too.)

Other than the tie and the black hair, I think she got us just right.

Anyway, there you go, a picture of us meeting by N. All together now, "Awwww."

When we met (abridged)

The other day (about 3 weeks ago) we (MWH, N, K, T and me) were in the car. We drove by the restaurant my husband and I went to for our first lunch date. He and I started reminiscing about that first lunch date and how we met, and the girls were spellbound. I think they were listening so intently that their mouths were agape. If they weren't open-mouthed, they were silent and with 3 little girls, having silence is amazing! N (4 and 2/3s) was especially curious about the fact that we had to meet.

N was so interested in how we met that she drew a picture about when MWH and I met. I'll post it in another entry. It's cute and funny.

[Begin tangent]

The other day N said something to the effect of, "I wish I had met daddy first and I could have married him." (We really need to explain to her time travel paradoxes and the problem with marrying your grandfather (or in this case father).)

[/End tangent]

Our anniversary of 8 years of marriage and 10 years of hanging out is quickly approaching. I met my husband in an exercise class at the fitness center of the company where we both worked at the time. I chose to go to this exercise class because it was the latest exercise class offered. I used to go to work around 10 or 11 am (sometimes even later) and work late. I was bummed because the latest class was at 6:30 pm. I liked to work until 7 or 8 pm. I wanted to work out though so I went to the class.

In that first class, he offered me some chocolate at the end of class. (Our instructor of the class brings candy--we call it job security for her) and I told him, "No." He took it as a personal rejection. We still talk about it. I wasn't rejecting him. I was just saying no to chocolate after working out. Anyway we don't count that as the date we met since I "rejected" him. We count 10/9, the date I went back to class (about a week or week and 1/2 later) as the date we "met."

On 10/9, we talked for probably 45 minutes after class that night. I was very intrigued. The very first time I met him (and "rejected him") I was intrigued. He looked so nice, cute and honest. It was refreshing. We talked and discovered some things we held in common. Our love of all things M________, and the fact that we both had all black cats.

After our 45 minute conversation, which I thought was going very well, he just kind of said, "Bye." and walked away. I was confused. I thought our conversation was going well. He claims he wanted to "leave on a high note," and "leave me wanting more." However, I was just baffled by his abrupt departure.

The next day, he called me at work, many times, but I was away from my desk in an all day meeting. He left me a voicemail. (I was actually trying to get a listserv set up for a project. Remember, this was 1996 and Internet technologies could be difficult!) I was working with a system administrator and trying to get everything set up for the listserv correctly. I was thrilled when I got back to my office and had a voicemail from him!

In his voicemail he asked me out to lunch, but didn't give a time/day... just one of those theoretical lunches. I hemmed and hawed about what to say and just called him back and said, "Sure I'd love to do lunch sometime." He was not in his office so I got to leave him a voice mail. I wasn't surprised that he was gone because it was already after 5:30 or so when I called back.

It turned out that he was still "in the office" but he'd run to the bathroom. This "phone tag" thing still happens all the time. I am REALLY good at calling him when he's just stepped out of his office for a second/minute. (Either that or he screens his calls.) (Side note: He's probably the last person on the face of the earth who doesn't have a cell phone. Can you believe that???)

Anyway (boy this is long), he tried to call me back that evening, but I had plans to go dancing (Salsa) with a friend. I'd never been before and was excited to go dance (I love dancing) so I bolted from the office right after calling him. The next morning I got to work around 11 am or so. He called me shortly after I arrived (little did I know he'd been trying to get me all morning) and he asked me to lunch.

I was just finishing my breakfast of a Mocha (10 years later I'm still drinking them) and a large cinnamon roll (not the best breakfast, but hey, I was young). I was stuffed and though I wanted to go to lunch with him, the thought of eating again at any point soon made me feel queasy.

We decided to go around 1:30 or 2. We worked at the same company but in different buildings so he drove over to pick me up. He looked so cute in his sunglasses and dark green car. We went to F________, an Italian Restaurant. We talked for a long time. I would have loved to have played hookey from work and just hung out with him the rest of that afternoon, but he took me back to the office. We made arrangements for a date on Saturday (the next evening) before we parted.

When I got back to work, some of the people I worked with decided to head out to the movies. I went to the movies too because I couldn't actually concentrate anymore. I was floating! That night, late, I called him at home. He had given me his phone number and I wanted to talk with him a little more. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't just imagining that he was a nice guy and fun to talk with.

We talked for a couple of hours I'm guessing.

The next night we went to dinner. (We met in the parking lot where we worked. I'm not sure why I though that was safe to meet him there and drive with him to the restaurant, but that's what we did. I was a little worried about the potential of him being a serial killer). By the time dinner was over I was pretty sure he was a nice guy and not a serial killer. We went back to get my car and we sat talking in his car for a long time.

As we talked I realized that we had been hanging out so long that I'd missed seeing my favorite Saturday night show (Relativity). It turns out he liked the show too and had video-taped it so we went to his house to watch it. (I KNOW... I went to his house. This was weird on so many levels. First, he owned a house and second, I barely knew him. But he was so nice!)

Anyway after those two wonderful dates, I was head over heels. (I think he was too.) We hung out the next night, and the next one and the next one.... We were cooking dinner together pretty much every night within a couple of weeks. I was still working on my dissertation and had to go out of town (back to where my school was) and was gone for a week or so. We missed each other incredibly and we hadn't even been dating a month. Within a week or so (right before my trip), he had accidentally called me his girlfriend. I liked it and so did he. We agreed that it was "official." On Halloween, he came up with a lame excuse to give me a key to his house. It was pretty cute.

As things were going pretty quickly, I was worried about this new relationship. I was just out of a long and bad one. I sat myself down and had a talk with myself to determine my intentions. I was pretty sure this guy was smitten and also pretty sure that he could be "the one." I wanted to make sure I didn't end up hurting him or me. As I talked with myself, I determined that I was okay with a serious relationship. I really liked this guy.

Here's an excerpt of an email that my husband sent a friend (he also sent it to me) right after we met...


I met her last Wednesday. I asked her out to lunch Friday.
Things went so well I asked her to dinner Saturday.
Things went so well we spent Sunday afternoon and evening
together.
Then we had lunch Monday and got together after work...

(He's a little briefer than me, but the same sentiment.)

So 10 years ago, we'd "met" but we hadn't really met. 10/9 is the day we "meet." The next day (2 years later) is our wedding anniversary. Kind of crazy.

3 Letters

The state where I live, we have three letters in a row on our car license tags. I think this is fairly common. I often see meaning in the letters that appear on tags of the cars in front of me.

When I was trying to get pregnant with N, I saw these sets of three letters all the time...

TTC
HCG
LMP
EPT
HPT
OPK
FSH
EDD

Yea, I was a little obsessed. (Perhaps my obsession was shaping my perception of the world around me?)

Then when I was pregnant, and we were trying to decide on N's first and middle name, I kept seeing three letters on license tags that were NAK. I wanted to name her N_______ A____ K________. Instead we went with NMK. But seriously, I saw NAK so many times when I was pregnant that I thought it was a sign. At the very last minute, my husband and I came up with something that made us decide M_____ for a middle name was better.

Then when I was pregnant with K, I saw KAK a few times on different tags. Since N's middle name was M_______ we knew that K's middle name would be A____. I figured seeing those tags was a sign about K.

When I was pregnant with T, a license plate made me think of her name. Seriously. I was driving behind a cute little car and it had 3 letters that were close to her name. I told my husband I liked the name T___ when I got home that morning. He said he did too. It was amazing that we both agreed so quickly. Wow, the license tag has been a big influence in my life. (Almost like those freeway signs in L.A. Story.) (If you haven't seen that movie, I highly recommend it.)

Now, my favorite license tag is this one. (Note, this license tag is NOT my license tag. Nor is it from the state where I live. Nor is it from the state where I grew up. Nor a state in which I have ever lived. Think that's enough on the disclaimer front? It was from the rental car on our trip last spring.)

(I also love it when I see N, K and T together on a tag. It makes me smile!)

Sniffling along

I'm still sniffling. Today did not include any full-doses of sudafed. One half-dose and no heart pounding. (I learned my lesson yesterday!) The 12-hour Afrin stuff is great. I can breathe! The new sudafed (phenylephrine) is pretty lame. I get a little relief for about 2 hours, but not 4!

Because I have this cold, I felt sorry for N (4 and 2/3s) and I picked her up early from afterschool care today. She and I went to the grocery store and then made soup. She also painted while I cooked. It is so much fun hanging with her now. She is a full-fledged kid. She can buckle and unbuckle her car seat now. It makes going places so. much. easier! I never would have believed this day would come 4.5 years ago!

Anyway... She is really being a good girl. Miss K is really being 2 years 5 months (almost) and T is being so cute and funny. Whenever she gets excited she does a little T-Riverdance where she stamps up and down in place. More about them soon. It's late and I'm tired (and this entry is so pretty lame--I reviewed cold medicine--yea). I'll make it end now.

very alert

Whew! My heart is slowly feeling a little better. Sudafed is bad news for me apparently. It's been over an hour since the heart-pounding started. It's getting better, but I am now super hyper and alert. I want to jump up and down. Or run a marathon. Or something. I'm probably able to keep up with the 3 right now. I am typing really fast right now. (I type really fast to begin with, but this is kind of ridiculous!)

NO MORE SUDAFED FOR ME!

oh my!

Okay... I just took a dose of sudafed and now I feel worse. I took a half a dose at 2:30 and that was fine. At 5:45 I took a full dose, and apparently I can't handle it. My heart is pounding. I am experiencing one of the side-effects of the drug. I knew without looking on the web that my pounding heart was a side-effect... BUT WHAT I REALLY NEED TO KNOW
(and what the web is not telling me) IS WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Do I call the doctor?

Do I wait?

How long until it goes away?

How bad does it have to be before I call a doctor?

These are the things I need to know!

The package of the medicine has told me if I experience any discomfort, discontinue use and call a doctor. Ummmm, Thanks. Very helpful

I am so glad the nanny is here to help. If I pass out, someone call a doctor please. THUMP THUMP (don't mind me, it's just my heart).

Note to self... Don't take Sudafed anymore.

Not at the top of my game

Sniffle sniffle...

I'm tired.

I had a work call and I had to call my supervisor to help me through it because I couldn't do it on my own because my head is fuzzy. Fortunately where I work this isn't something odd. We work in teams. I still felt incompetent though.

However, despite being sick, I did just win the WWM (World's Worst Mother) title. I forgot to call the preschool to tell them that N needed to go to the after school care program.

The preschool called me to find out where I was at 4:10. WHAT A LOSER I AM. I had a snack packed for N and she knew what was supposed to happen (after school care), but I forgot to do my part. It wasn't that horrible, because she was with her teacher, but I feel horrible. She was never alone or not cared for, but I feel AWFUL. Her teacher had to stay late too... (or maybe she just kept N with her while she was doing work... I don't know... either way, I feel about 2 inches tall.)

ME=BIG LOSER.

Sniffle snifflle

That's me... I AM SNIFFLING NOW. I am not happy. I don't feel too bad other than my drippy, annoying nose and my tired eyes. I'm drinking (decaf) hot tea and trying to do a little work. I can't wait for the little girls to go to bed so I can watch Buffy and go sleep!

Here's hoping that I get only as sick as N did. (Not very. She says she feels fine now.)

A question

My friend Nino who has darling Anna Sofia (only a month younger than T) asked me this when I said Miss T was becoming difficult.

Tell me more about Ms. T being difficult. What am I in for? It's been 3 long years since I've been at this phase. Anna Sofia is really pretty easy right now ... is it all going to go to sh*t? WARN ME SO I'LL BE PREPARED! lol

Now Nino, the person who wrote that question is an experienced Mom. Some folks have even called her an expert! (Oh, wait, that was me. But I truly am amazed by Nino and her amazingness as a Mom! Or at least what she shares with us. She's brilliant I tell you! And she doesn't even watch Buffy. (I told her I would declare my undying love for her if she did.))

Anyway... Miss T (1 year 1 month) is just starting to assert her independence. Now that she walks she has opinions about whether she is walking or carried places. She, like my other two girls, is very strong-willed (I don't know where they get that! Heh.). She also has a lot of opinions and no way to really tell us about them. That leads to frustration for her. So she screams. Like the T___-dactyl she is. Really loud. And ear piercing.

Here are some examples of challenges...

1. The stairs. She MUST crawl up the stairs. She then must slide back down the stairs. Then up again... then down... Rinse. Repeat. She would do the stairs all day (or night) if I let her. The problem is that I must stand right behind her to make sure she doesn't hurt herself. It used to be fine for her to just crawl up the stairs. She would happily do that and then do whatever we needed to do upstairs. Now, she just wants to play and MASTER the stairs. She screams if she doesn't get enough stair time.


She is still very sweet, cuddly and funny. She is still a gem.

2. Eating... Though she's a good eater (much better than K!) and probably about like N, she now has opinions of what she wants to eat and when. The other morning she demanded fishy crackers. Nothing else would do. She saw the box and pointed to it. She threw everything else I offered her on the floor.

3. Diaper changes. If she doesn't want her diaper changed, she screams. Usually I can sing the ABCs and she'll usually calm down, but it's becoming apparent that soon she won't be so easy to distract and entertain.


I look at T and I look at K (almost 29 months) and I think, there's no way Miss T will ever be like that. Miss K is obstinate in most of her opinions (a post all about that soon). The change from sweet innocent baby to tough toddler is gradual. But I see it happening already. Miss T is becoming a toddler and will soon be a lot like Miss K. I think that between 13 and 17 months is hard, but not as hard as it is at 2 years 4 months (at least with K and N). Between 13 and 17 months is hard because of that screaming thing.

On another note, Miss N is moving out of the F*ck*ng Fours (Nino's term and I love it!) and on to the Fabulous Fives. She is really really really amazing right now.

A thing I want to remember

This morning, Miss N (4 and 2/3s) got up and made a book. She has created many a book in her day so this isn't the big thing. She started doing that last February or March. It is documented in pictures and on video. This morning was a new step in her understanding of reading, writing and book-making.

She wrote a story with the pictures. She didn't know how to spell the words so she asked me to spell them for her and she wrote all of them in the book. In the past, when she's wanted words, she's just asked MWH or me to write the words. Occasionally she would write random letters on a page and tell us they were certain words, but today, there are HONEST-TO-GOSH words.... spelled correctly!

Her book is titled, "Mix-up in Space."

My favorite line is, "Oh my! There's a cat on Saturn!"

I. am. so. proud!

Slightly sick kid

N's cold isn't too bad, it doesn't even really seem like a cold. She didn't look a bit sick today. She was running around this morning and acting all chipper. Her nose was a teeny bit snuffly. She went to preschool today. At first she said, "I'm too sick to go to school." When I told her she could either go to school or go to the nanny's house, but that I couldn't stay home all day, she decided to go to school.

When I first had kids I swore I'd never send a kid to school with a snuffly nose. I still feel guilty having sent N today. I worry that she is spreading germs, but preschool is where she gets these things and everyone else goes sick so should I feel guilty? One friend of mine sends her kids unless their nose is really running or unless they are running a fever. I definitely wouldn't send N (or K or T) if they had a fever. I probably wouldn't send them if they seemed really tired. I wouldn't send them if their nose was running a lot. Tell me, please, what are your rules about slightly sick kids (e.g., with a cold) and school?

I am a stress junky

I figured out that one of the reasons that I am a workaholic is that I am a stress junky. Being stressed out gives me an adrenaline rush and I physically feel better. When I'm not stressed, my back hurts more and so does my jaw. I feel a long post about my jaw coming on. You may
remember that my jaw has been giving me troubles. It still is. More on that soon (most likely).

Part my problem is that I set expectations for myself that are very high (impossible even) and when I fail to meet them I am bummed. For example, I have done more than my hours with this one organization we are consulting with but I still try to make their meetings (as a volunteer). I just remembered (because of an email) that I missed their monthly phone meeting AGAIN. I will be there next month. I need to make it clear to the people involved that their meeting time SUCKS for me and that I usually can't make it and that though I want to be there, they should PAY me and then I can make sure I am there.

It's a problem when you love what you do so much that you are willing to do it for free. And when you work with poor organizations that want to "do good" things but don't have a clue about how to go about doing those things. I want to keep working with so many of the organizations who come to us for initial consulting after the money ends. I often do. But then I get myself into trouble because I can't keep up with everyone and the work I have to do for pay. Arrrghh. Okay. End post.