Last year, I wrote this... This year, I'm not going to attempt to do a summary post for the year. I think I pretty much blogged it live. I will do a recap of my goals from last year and to discuss my new goals.
(Here were the 2007 goals in case you didn't click back)
1. Eat more whole grains. In general, we eat in a pretty healthy fashion, but getting more of these into our diet is my goal for 2007. I just found spelt tortillas that are pretty tasty to replace white flour ones. I need to find more recipes that use brown rice. We just tried a whole wheat pasta tonight and "not bad" was the verdict. Perhaps it will grow on us.
2. Hang with the girls more and specifically make sure I can spend more one-on-one time with each girl.
3. Learn to say NO better and also figure out what my limits are so I don't end up stressed.
I successfully accomplished #1 and did an okay job with #2. My strategy on Goal # 2 changed mid-way through the year... I decided I wanted to spend more time with all the girls together. I accomplished doing that, but now I am going to try to spend more one-on-one time with each girl again. I've missed it. It's good for us to have both all-the-girls-together-time and one-on-one time. I am delighted that the girls are getting old enough for one parent to be able to handle taking all 3 girls out by themselves for multiple hours now. It's good!
For Goal # 3.... I think we can all agree I failed MISERABLY. Maybe, just maybe, I learned something about my limits. (Yea, right...) Oh well, two goals out of three isn't bad, right?
So what are the new goals for this year?
Foodwise...
1. Now that we're eating a lot more whole grains, I plan to get us to eat more fruit and vegetables and even fewer processed foods. We eat a pretty darn healthy diet, but there is always room for improvement.
1b. I'm working on eating less ice cream. I eat a pint of ice cream most nights. That's not very healthy. But actually, in the last month, I have been a lot better. I think I've only eaten 5 or 6 pints total (in the whole month). I'm working on switching to eating oatmeal, cereal, or something like that if I'm hungry before bed.
Workout-wise
2. Work out more often and do more physical activities with the girls. I just realized I should let the girls see me work out and get them to play along. It's part of modeling a healthy life-style. I plan to do workout tapes with them around.
MWH just bought me some weights... 12 pounders... I am remember when I went up to 9 pounders... I think it will be fairly easy to do 5-10 minutes of arm work most days/nights. That will be good for me.
My goal by the end of the year is to do 3 heavy workouts a week and 1-2 light ones. If I can't manage 3 heavy ones, then for sure 2 good ones and 3-4 light ones. I do sit-ups most every day now and push-ups too. (I just need to keep that up.)
Work-wise
3. Determine how I can work "in one direction" rather than 10 (or even 5). I'm really not good at this, but I need to learn how to do this. I need to learn to say NO and I need to learn to let go of some of my interests... At least for a while. I need to let myself go hourly at work for a while (if necessary). I need to not let myself stress about being hourly. There will be plenty of opportunities in the future.
Fun-wise
4. Hang with friends more often. Last year, I think we had 2 or 3 dinners at our house... Probably 3 or 4 afternoon play dates... I'd like to do more things social.
5. Hang with MWH more often! We used to occasionally get an afternoon date. This last year, we didn't get very much time to ouselves, but hopefully this coming year we can get an afternoon once a month or so.
House-wise
6. Start in on organizing the loft. The loft is supposed to be our office. We need to start unpacking boxes, get shelves, and figure out what to do up there. It's a nice space. We need to use it.
7. We need to get new light fixtures (for the entryway, the living room, the loft).
8. Get the backyard ready for the girls and landscaped.
9. Hang more pictures on the walls.
10. Get a new front door.
That's probably enough for now, eh? It's going to be a busy year.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
THE Questions....
Thank you so much for playing along! I so enjoyed reading your comments and thoughts. You can still play!
I found it interesting that most of you thought kids made you feel old and young at the same time!! I understand. My girls overwhelm me and make me tired, but they also get me to do really fun things and challenge me to see the world through their young fresh eyes. (It's what my college students do for me, too.)
I also found it interesting, it seems, if you have a spouse/significant other who is older, they seem to make you feel young. MWH is 4 years and 10 months older (but who's counting?) than me, but I rarely think of him as older than me... I do think of him as more mature because he takes care of all the bills, washes dishes and is MWH.... I often feel irresponsible, but then he points out that I keep the girls clothed and cared for medically, as well as insuring our whole family eats and eats well. He says I'm not irresponsible, but that we're differently responsible. I agree--it's what makes us a good team. Okay, Here I go...
My answers
1. What makes you feel young?
Bouncing, doing cartwheels, doing handstands, doing the splits, playing tickle with my girls, laughing with MWH, thinking, scheming...
2. What makes you feel old?
My gray hair. Yesterday, I spent a couple of hours having it made dark again. My hair grows really fast, so my gray starts showing quickly. Sigh.
I also feel old when I'm tired... My skin looks tired and feels old. Did I tell you about the time I saw some make-up that said it was an "illuminating anti-fatigue foundation?" I don't wear foundation, but I bought it anyway. I was pretty exhausted that day and figured it might help. It's actually a very light foundation/moisturizer and I kind of like it. (Good impulse purchase.)
When my back hurts, I feel old. In general, I've learned if I do sit-ups every day, and if I ice when my back hurts (and even when it doesn't), it doesn't feel too bad. I gave up on Western Medicine helping me and my back. I take ibuprofen only when it's really bad. The last few months, I've had a lot of headaches so I've taken more ibuprofen than I like taking. (Headaches make me feel old too.) The headaches are from the stress of our nanny leaving, my friend dying, and me doing too much.
3. In general, do you feel young or old?
In general, I feel young. At times, I'm tired, but I know I do a lot, and I don't blame feeling tired on age. I think it's important to do a lot because I think it keeps you feeling younger (when you're not exhausted!). I'm a firm believer in working hard, both mentally and physically. I believe if you don't use it, you lose it.
I can always tell when I am learning ... It does actually hurt a bit, but it feels good in general. It's the same way with my muscles... When I'm working out a lot, they get sore, but I like it... It means they are getting stronger. (Do I sound like a dork or what?)
4. At what age do you think you'll feel old?
I hope, never. Jack Lalanne is my new idol. This year, I have lots of plans for increasing what I do physically (work-outs), and I plan to continue to learn new things. I also hope I can manage to slow down a little, but we all know how good I am at doing that. (HAHAHAHA--I believe LMAO is appropriate here.)
I do believe there are things we can do to keep ourselves feeling young, and I intend to do them. In my copious spare time, I'll be reading all I can about anti-aging... I don't feel old yet, and I want to keep it that way. Definitely expect more on this topic in the future... (I even started a new category on the blog... A-G-E.)
5. How old are you?
I am 38, and I am a little freaked by the number 39. When I turned 29, it freaked me a little too. I was fine with 30. I am imagining the same thing is happening again.
Okay, must end this post... I ALMOST forgot we have tickets for a show today. K (3.5) reminded MWH of today's event. (Should I be embarrassed that my 3.5-year-old remembers our plans better than I remember them?) It's family-of-five-fun time now!
I found it interesting that most of you thought kids made you feel old and young at the same time!! I understand. My girls overwhelm me and make me tired, but they also get me to do really fun things and challenge me to see the world through their young fresh eyes. (It's what my college students do for me, too.)
I also found it interesting, it seems, if you have a spouse/significant other who is older, they seem to make you feel young. MWH is 4 years and 10 months older (but who's counting?) than me, but I rarely think of him as older than me... I do think of him as more mature because he takes care of all the bills, washes dishes and is MWH.... I often feel irresponsible, but then he points out that I keep the girls clothed and cared for medically, as well as insuring our whole family eats and eats well. He says I'm not irresponsible, but that we're differently responsible. I agree--it's what makes us a good team. Okay, Here I go...
My answers
1. What makes you feel young?
Bouncing, doing cartwheels, doing handstands, doing the splits, playing tickle with my girls, laughing with MWH, thinking, scheming...
2. What makes you feel old?
My gray hair. Yesterday, I spent a couple of hours having it made dark again. My hair grows really fast, so my gray starts showing quickly. Sigh.
I also feel old when I'm tired... My skin looks tired and feels old. Did I tell you about the time I saw some make-up that said it was an "illuminating anti-fatigue foundation?" I don't wear foundation, but I bought it anyway. I was pretty exhausted that day and figured it might help. It's actually a very light foundation/moisturizer and I kind of like it. (Good impulse purchase.)
When my back hurts, I feel old. In general, I've learned if I do sit-ups every day, and if I ice when my back hurts (and even when it doesn't), it doesn't feel too bad. I gave up on Western Medicine helping me and my back. I take ibuprofen only when it's really bad. The last few months, I've had a lot of headaches so I've taken more ibuprofen than I like taking. (Headaches make me feel old too.) The headaches are from the stress of our nanny leaving, my friend dying, and me doing too much.
3. In general, do you feel young or old?
In general, I feel young. At times, I'm tired, but I know I do a lot, and I don't blame feeling tired on age. I think it's important to do a lot because I think it keeps you feeling younger (when you're not exhausted!). I'm a firm believer in working hard, both mentally and physically. I believe if you don't use it, you lose it.
I can always tell when I am learning ... It does actually hurt a bit, but it feels good in general. It's the same way with my muscles... When I'm working out a lot, they get sore, but I like it... It means they are getting stronger. (Do I sound like a dork or what?)
4. At what age do you think you'll feel old?
I hope, never. Jack Lalanne is my new idol. This year, I have lots of plans for increasing what I do physically (work-outs), and I plan to continue to learn new things. I also hope I can manage to slow down a little, but we all know how good I am at doing that. (HAHAHAHA--I believe LMAO is appropriate here.)
I do believe there are things we can do to keep ourselves feeling young, and I intend to do them. In my copious spare time, I'll be reading all I can about anti-aging... I don't feel old yet, and I want to keep it that way. Definitely expect more on this topic in the future... (I even started a new category on the blog... A-G-E.)
5. How old are you?
I am 38, and I am a little freaked by the number 39. When I turned 29, it freaked me a little too. I was fine with 30. I am imagining the same thing is happening again.
Okay, must end this post... I ALMOST forgot we have tickets for a show today. K (3.5) reminded MWH of today's event. (Should I be embarrassed that my 3.5-year-old remembers our plans better than I remember them?) It's family-of-five-fun time now!
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
All I got...
It's been a busy break. I had been worried the girls might get bored, but so far, we've been really busy. Last night we went to an amusement park that has a holiday lights theme. It was a bit nippy and my girls thought they were freezing. On the way home, T (2.25) cried because she was tired and she wanted me to hold her. In her whole life, she's never been held in the car. Somehow she seemed to think if she cried enough she could get me to hold her. It was sad to listen to her cry, but alas, I couldn't hold her. I sat with my hand on her chest (reaching back from the front seat) and that seemed to help.
Remember, I just wrote about this? Last night, I managed to toss my retainer at the amusement park after we had a snack. My teeth are driving me crazy!
Tonight I'm tired. I didn't have enough tea/coffee today. I saw a friend... I mentioned her here. Unfortunately, she's not pregnant anymore. She had a miscarriage. She was devasted. I've been her sounding board since she knew I had one too. She is so worried she won't ever get pregnant. I understand, but everytime she gets a test done, she becomes convinced she has what they are testing. The days between the blood draw and the results are awful for her. I understand being worried, BELIEVE ME, but her worried behavior is really off-the-charts! (I can't even get close to her level of worry--and just ask MWH, I worry!)
Tomorrow MWH and I are planning to go see a movie. I'm so excited! We haven't seen one since Harry Potter #5 this summer. What should we see?
I should probably go do a little work. I'm not in the mood (and that doesn't happen very often).
Remember, I just wrote about this? Last night, I managed to toss my retainer at the amusement park after we had a snack. My teeth are driving me crazy!
Tonight I'm tired. I didn't have enough tea/coffee today. I saw a friend... I mentioned her here. Unfortunately, she's not pregnant anymore. She had a miscarriage. She was devasted. I've been her sounding board since she knew I had one too. She is so worried she won't ever get pregnant. I understand, but everytime she gets a test done, she becomes convinced she has what they are testing. The days between the blood draw and the results are awful for her. I understand being worried, BELIEVE ME, but her worried behavior is really off-the-charts! (I can't even get close to her level of worry--and just ask MWH, I worry!)
Tomorrow MWH and I are planning to go see a movie. I'm so excited! We haven't seen one since Harry Potter #5 this summer. What should we see?
I should probably go do a little work. I'm not in the mood (and that doesn't happen very often).
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Friends for Dinner...*
Same group from a year ago. I managed to cook this year. Dinner was yummy and so were all of the appetizers and desserts too. I need to get some new placemats... My friend went to put them out on the table and my favorite set only had 7 in it. I could have sworn there were 8, but who knows what happened to the eighth one! My second favorite set has 8, but I knew one was dirty... Oh well--there are worse things than non-matching placemats. I also need to buy wine glasses... We don't drink wine (or anything) so I have 2 (the others have gotten broken).
Every time I put out the placemats and cloth napkins, I decide I want to use cloth napkins more, but then I quickly end up back to my paper towel using ways... Maybe I can make it a goal for 2008 to use cloth napkins more often. We'll see.
It's really hard for me to blog about our lovely dinners. We talk and it's fun. It got a little crazy right about dinner time tonight... The folks who came over are my co-workers/colleagues and right before dinner we started discussing the project we're doing right now (Yea, the one with the deadline Jan. 8th--YIKES).
It was a little crazy because I wasn't supposed to be WORKING, I was supposed to be cooking. Fortunately, right at the end, my 3 female friends pulled dinner together and saved the day! It was a crazy ten minutes though, but luckily it did taste fine... the final trip from the kitchen to the table was not as graceful as I would have liked, but all's well that ends well, right? Note to self, don't start a big intellectual discussion right before dinner!
What else... After everyone left K (3.5) started calling my friend P____ yes, the one who made me the bracelet, P____-Pie. It was very sweet.
[Important Tangent in order to understand the previous sentences]
We use the ending "pie" as a very affectionate ending around here... We have a N___-a-Pie, a K___-Pie and a T__-Pie.... In fact, we use the pie ending so often it actually was a naming requirement that each name we picked worked with Pie tacked on as an ending (for N, you drop the last syllable and then it works). (The other naming requirement was that you could tack "cat" at the end of the name ... all their names work if you replace PIE with cat. Yea, I'm odd.)
[/Important Tangent in order to understand the previous sentences]
*Friends for dinner (heh... that's one of the Land Before Time Songs).
Friends for dinner
I'm gonna have friends for dinner
I'm gonna get a couple of those, a couple of these
Things from the bushes and things from the trees
I think they're yucky, but I know they'll please
My friends for dinner
Friends for dinner
He just wants to have friends for dinner
He wants to have three-horn soup
And Littlefoot Stew
You won't think it's funny when he chews on you
That's not a very nice thing to do
To have friends for dinner
He can't eat vegetables, only meat
He'll munch and he'll crunch those little duck feet
If he just eats Spike, wouldn't that be enough?
He would spit out Cera 'cause she's too tough
Friends for dinner
Don't wanna be friends for dinner
We'd rather sink in the mud
Fall out of a tree
Roll like a rock right into the sea
One thing we know we don't wanna be
Is friends for dinner
He'll gnaw your arm and he'll nibble your leg
But we've known Chomper since he was an egg
He'll bite off your beak (That would hurt)
Petrie Pot Pie and Ducky Dessert
Friends for dinner
Don't wanna be friends for dinner
Don't wanna be Spike A-La-Mode
Or Liver of Duck
I wonder if this tastes good?
Yuck!
You know you've run out of luck
When you're friends for dinner
Friends for dinner
Just friends for dinner
Friends for dinner!
Every time I put out the placemats and cloth napkins, I decide I want to use cloth napkins more, but then I quickly end up back to my paper towel using ways... Maybe I can make it a goal for 2008 to use cloth napkins more often. We'll see.
It's really hard for me to blog about our lovely dinners. We talk and it's fun. It got a little crazy right about dinner time tonight... The folks who came over are my co-workers/colleagues and right before dinner we started discussing the project we're doing right now (Yea, the one with the deadline Jan. 8th--YIKES).
It was a little crazy because I wasn't supposed to be WORKING, I was supposed to be cooking. Fortunately, right at the end, my 3 female friends pulled dinner together and saved the day! It was a crazy ten minutes though, but luckily it did taste fine... the final trip from the kitchen to the table was not as graceful as I would have liked, but all's well that ends well, right? Note to self, don't start a big intellectual discussion right before dinner!
What else... After everyone left K (3.5) started calling my friend P____ yes, the one who made me the bracelet, P____-Pie. It was very sweet.
[Important Tangent in order to understand the previous sentences]
We use the ending "pie" as a very affectionate ending around here... We have a N___-a-Pie, a K___-Pie and a T__-Pie.... In fact, we use the pie ending so often it actually was a naming requirement that each name we picked worked with Pie tacked on as an ending (for N, you drop the last syllable and then it works). (The other naming requirement was that you could tack "cat" at the end of the name ... all their names work if you replace PIE with cat. Yea, I'm odd.)
[/Important Tangent in order to understand the previous sentences]
*Friends for dinner (heh... that's one of the Land Before Time Songs).
Friends for dinner
I'm gonna have friends for dinner
I'm gonna get a couple of those, a couple of these
Things from the bushes and things from the trees
I think they're yucky, but I know they'll please
My friends for dinner
Friends for dinner
He just wants to have friends for dinner
He wants to have three-horn soup
And Littlefoot Stew
You won't think it's funny when he chews on you
That's not a very nice thing to do
To have friends for dinner
He can't eat vegetables, only meat
He'll munch and he'll crunch those little duck feet
If he just eats Spike, wouldn't that be enough?
He would spit out Cera 'cause she's too tough
Friends for dinner
Don't wanna be friends for dinner
We'd rather sink in the mud
Fall out of a tree
Roll like a rock right into the sea
One thing we know we don't wanna be
Is friends for dinner
He'll gnaw your arm and he'll nibble your leg
But we've known Chomper since he was an egg
He'll bite off your beak (That would hurt)
Petrie Pot Pie and Ducky Dessert
Friends for dinner
Don't wanna be friends for dinner
Don't wanna be Spike A-La-Mode
Or Liver of Duck
I wonder if this tastes good?
Yuck!
You know you've run out of luck
When you're friends for dinner
Friends for dinner
Just friends for dinner
Friends for dinner!
More on the day...
I'm not sure what else I want to document here. I'll be putting up pictures/videos on the other blog soon. If you don't have access to it, and want to see it, let me know.
I guess one thing I need to document is how N (5.9) is becoming a six-year-old. We had some "moments" yesterday. You know, moments when you can't believe this is your child... Other moments, she is sweet and loving and I'm so proud of her. Yesterday, we had a moment that lasted and lasted...She didn't want to go the park with us. She wanted to stay at home and play with her toys. She cried for about 10 as we were getting ready to go and then pouted and wouldn't play for about 20-30 minutes after we got to the park. MWH tried to cheer her, but she was being difficult. She finally cheered a bit when we saw a pet bunny on a leash.
I got a second wind last night. I made eggplant (I promised you all a recipe a long time ago.... maybe in the next year you'll get the recipe with pictures even!) and I cleaned the floor. It felt good to move around and clean. The place we workout is closed for remodeling. It's been closed since the beginning of December. I guess they thought most people wouldn't mind at the holidays... THEY WERE WRONG. I've been doing lame workouts at the Y on the ellipitical all month, but I need more. I think I'm going to dig out my kickboxing video tape and kick and punch for a bit later.
Did I ever mention I am wimpy about weather? It's been beautiful here, but it's starting to get a bit cold now. I need to go buy all of the girls warmer coats. The ones they have are fine for walking to and from the car, but if we wanted to go outside and PLAY, the coats are not warm enough. Must do that soon. (Maybe today?)
I guess one thing I need to document is how N (5.9) is becoming a six-year-old. We had some "moments" yesterday. You know, moments when you can't believe this is your child... Other moments, she is sweet and loving and I'm so proud of her. Yesterday, we had a moment that lasted and lasted...She didn't want to go the park with us. She wanted to stay at home and play with her toys. She cried for about 10 as we were getting ready to go and then pouted and wouldn't play for about 20-30 minutes after we got to the park. MWH tried to cheer her, but she was being difficult. She finally cheered a bit when we saw a pet bunny on a leash.
I got a second wind last night. I made eggplant (I promised you all a recipe a long time ago.... maybe in the next year you'll get the recipe with pictures even!) and I cleaned the floor. It felt good to move around and clean. The place we workout is closed for remodeling. It's been closed since the beginning of December. I guess they thought most people wouldn't mind at the holidays... THEY WERE WRONG. I've been doing lame workouts at the Y on the ellipitical all month, but I need more. I think I'm going to dig out my kickboxing video tape and kick and punch for a bit later.
Did I ever mention I am wimpy about weather? It's been beautiful here, but it's starting to get a bit cold now. I need to go buy all of the girls warmer coats. The ones they have are fine for walking to and from the car, but if we wanted to go outside and PLAY, the coats are not warm enough. Must do that soon. (Maybe today?)
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
The day
Lots of presents, too many, but lots of the presents were books, so that was good. It's about 5:30 and it's dark now. I'm sleepy. What makes it such a lazy, sleepy day? All day long I've been wanting to take a nap and I didn't even get up early.
I got up around 8-ish. MWH and K (3.5) about 9:30, and T (2.25) and N (almost 6) around 10 am. Presents and eating on and off until 1:30 at which point we were done with presents and I got lunch into the little girls. The park from about 3:45 until almost 5. Hot chocolate was consumed to warm up. Now T's napping (I'm jealous) and N and K want to paint the piggy banks Santa left for them. Must go... Art calls.
I got up around 8-ish. MWH and K (3.5) about 9:30, and T (2.25) and N (almost 6) around 10 am. Presents and eating on and off until 1:30 at which point we were done with presents and I got lunch into the little girls. The park from about 3:45 until almost 5. Hot chocolate was consumed to warm up. Now T's napping (I'm jealous) and N and K want to paint the piggy banks Santa left for them. Must go... Art calls.
Quote of the day (thus far)
MWH was reflecting on the difficulty in opening packages of toys especially because Barbie dolls are wired in to their packages really well...
I didn't know Barbie dolls were into bondage. Their wrists are tied down and so are their legs.
The girls didn't hear this quote, but someday, hopefully, they can laugh at their Mom and Dad capturing this as a Christmas quote. Heh.
I didn't know Barbie dolls were into bondage. Their wrists are tied down and so are their legs.
The girls didn't hear this quote, but someday, hopefully, they can laugh at their Mom and Dad capturing this as a Christmas quote. Heh.
Amazing
It's 9:15 on Christmas morning and my girls are still asleep. Is that incredible or what? Merry Christmas to me from them! I don't need anything else. The fun should start soon though. I'm guessing they'll get up by 9:30. I should go wake MWH.
Monday, December 24, 2007
The eve -- Part 3
All of the presents are wrapped and under the tree. MWH and I have been wrapping since 9:15. I am not surprised MWH helps me with the wrapping, but I am so thankful. I don't like wrapping presents. MWH's Mom has given a lot of presents in fabric gift bags and I LOVE THEM! She gave 3 more presents in fabric bags this year and I'm excited! MWH says I should ask for a whole bunch some year for Christmas. Heh.
What else.... Lots of packages... Unwrapping presents will be an all day event again.
Bleh.... I'm going to end this lame post. I'm kind of sad tonight... I'm missing my friend who died. I'm not sure what started it for me, but something made me start thinking about her. It's probably because last year, she and I did quite a bit around this holiday...this year, she's dead. How is that possible? I just don't get it.
I'll be back tomorrow and hopefully cheerier.
What else.... Lots of packages... Unwrapping presents will be an all day event again.
Bleh.... I'm going to end this lame post. I'm kind of sad tonight... I'm missing my friend who died. I'm not sure what started it for me, but something made me start thinking about her. It's probably because last year, she and I did quite a bit around this holiday...this year, she's dead. How is that possible? I just don't get it.
I'll be back tomorrow and hopefully cheerier.
The eve -- Part 2
I had even less time than I expected today, but it's been a fun day (except the girls have been WHINIER (oh goodness the whining!) than usual).
This morning, around 10 am, Miss K (3.5) and I ran to the toy store with the backwards R to get her sisters a present. N (5.9) had already gotten her presents for the sisters, but I hadn't had a chance to take K. (Note to self, make sure K really understands WHO we are buying things for--that she is NOT getting anything before we go. Next year, it should be a bit easier. She will be older.)
K picked great presents for her sisters. She got N a Littlefoot Dinosaur. N's favorite things right now are dinosaurs. She also loves Land Before Time. She prefers the "knock-off" sequels (as Wikipedia describes them) to the original. K got T a cool Diego book. Diego's one of T's favorite things.
After the store we came home, ate lunch, played and eventually went to see our neighbors. We hung out with them for a few hours. We really like our neighbors. I'll have to tell you more about them later, but suffice it to say, we're thrilled we have people we like next door. Most excellent!
Now, we're home and I need to get off the computer and get the little girls to bed soon. Last night, they didn't go to bed until 10:40-ish. We didn't let T or K nap this afternooon/evening, so they'll be ready for bed soon. I'm hoping for all lights OUT by 9 pm. MWH and I have to wrap presents still.
Theoretically, I'll do a little more work on the thing I was working on this morning. I'm making some progress. It's good.
This morning, around 10 am, Miss K (3.5) and I ran to the toy store with the backwards R to get her sisters a present. N (5.9) had already gotten her presents for the sisters, but I hadn't had a chance to take K. (Note to self, make sure K really understands WHO we are buying things for--that she is NOT getting anything before we go. Next year, it should be a bit easier. She will be older.)
K picked great presents for her sisters. She got N a Littlefoot Dinosaur. N's favorite things right now are dinosaurs. She also loves Land Before Time. She prefers the "knock-off" sequels (as Wikipedia describes them) to the original. K got T a cool Diego book. Diego's one of T's favorite things.
After the store we came home, ate lunch, played and eventually went to see our neighbors. We hung out with them for a few hours. We really like our neighbors. I'll have to tell you more about them later, but suffice it to say, we're thrilled we have people we like next door. Most excellent!
Now, we're home and I need to get off the computer and get the little girls to bed soon. Last night, they didn't go to bed until 10:40-ish. We didn't let T or K nap this afternooon/evening, so they'll be ready for bed soon. I'm hoping for all lights OUT by 9 pm. MWH and I have to wrap presents still.
Theoretically, I'll do a little more work on the thing I was working on this morning. I'm making some progress. It's good.
The eve -- Part 1
I'm going to try to blog little bits all day long, but who knows if I'll get to it. I feel like I've been missing out blogging little pieces of our life and this is supposed to be a navel gazing blog, (also see here), so I really need to get on it.
This morning I got up around 8-ish. I'm the only one awake--even the cat is still in bed. It's 8 am, but it feels very early here. It's so quiet. It's a little overcast so it seems still kind of "dark," like sunrise hasn't occurred. We are so NOT MORNING PEOPLE. I'm brewing very strong tea right now. I am going to go over and look at the data I need to understand and see if I explain it a bit.
okay... to the tea and data... see you soon.
This morning I got up around 8-ish. I'm the only one awake--even the cat is still in bed. It's 8 am, but it feels very early here. It's so quiet. It's a little overcast so it seems still kind of "dark," like sunrise hasn't occurred. We are so NOT MORNING PEOPLE. I'm brewing very strong tea right now. I am going to go over and look at the data I need to understand and see if I explain it a bit.
okay... to the tea and data... see you soon.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Important Notes...
If you make these wonderful treats, make sure to make LITTLE balls. The little balls bake better and are easier to stuff in your mouth. Also, make sure to get lots of powdered sugar on them when you dip them.
For health conscious folks, note this year I made them with whole wheat flour and they were most yummy. Heh.
For health conscious folks, note this year I made them with whole wheat flour and they were most yummy. Heh.
annoying...
When I'm stressed, my teeth annoy me. Seriously.
I can't really explain it, but my top front two feel funny, as one of my lower front ones seems to scrape the back of one of them more....and my tongue feels the need to rub on the back of the front ones a lot.... It's ANNOYING. Boy, this is obviously an odd post, but if I can't put it here, where can I put it? When I'm stressed, I have to wear my little retainer a great deal of the time. It helps me not feel my teeth. I've been wearing it a lot this week. The stress makes me want a top retainer too.
Tell me what you notice when you're stressed that you don't notice other times.
I can't really explain it, but my top front two feel funny, as one of my lower front ones seems to scrape the back of one of them more....and my tongue feels the need to rub on the back of the front ones a lot.... It's ANNOYING. Boy, this is obviously an odd post, but if I can't put it here, where can I put it? When I'm stressed, I have to wear my little retainer a great deal of the time. It helps me not feel my teeth. I've been wearing it a lot this week. The stress makes me want a top retainer too.
Tell me what you notice when you're stressed that you don't notice other times.
Really...
You really shouldn't leave MWH and I in charge for an extended period of time and no "structure." Our kids are going to be sleeping until noon by the end of this break. It's 7 pm and both K and T are napping. I'm hoping we can get them to bed for the night by 10 pm. Last night, we had some people over for dinner and the little girls didn't go to bed until 10:30. Our guests didn't leave until 11-ish, but that's a story for another day.
Documentation...
Today we went to T*ar*get, got last minute gifts, bought a few more ornaments for our ridiculously bare 9-foot tree (stop laughing, it's our first year of having a big tree!), went swimming at the Y, and worked out. (MWH and I took turns again. I'm really liking this. All the girls really like to swim it seems--me included.)
What else... I'm still working on some work stuff, but right now, I'm not stressing about it. I will work on it later tonight and maybe a bit tomorrow... Except for not being able to read Harry Potter, I don't mind.
Maybe I don't feel as crazed because last year, two days before Christmas, we moved... We were crazy. It's good though. I really wanted to be in our new house before Christmas and by-gosh, we did it. Happy new house anniversary to us!
Also, apparently I was working on getting some people some data for a project too... (Oh yea, I remember... The TL people...) Heh.
It was definitely crazier last year.
Documentation...
Today we went to T*ar*get, got last minute gifts, bought a few more ornaments for our ridiculously bare 9-foot tree (stop laughing, it's our first year of having a big tree!), went swimming at the Y, and worked out. (MWH and I took turns again. I'm really liking this. All the girls really like to swim it seems--me included.)
What else... I'm still working on some work stuff, but right now, I'm not stressing about it. I will work on it later tonight and maybe a bit tomorrow... Except for not being able to read Harry Potter, I don't mind.
Maybe I don't feel as crazed because last year, two days before Christmas, we moved... We were crazy. It's good though. I really wanted to be in our new house before Christmas and by-gosh, we did it. Happy new house anniversary to us!
Also, apparently I was working on getting some people some data for a project too... (Oh yea, I remember... The TL people...) Heh.
It was definitely crazier last year.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Every single time...
Every single time I think I might have time to relax a little, the universe laughs and says NOPE. We're working on something over the break for work. It's something I want to work on (when isn't it?) but still. I'm tired. I was looking forward to a little down-time. My colleagues and I have been joking that they'll come to my house and we'll sit around our Christmas tree and work. Wouldn't that be festive of us? Heh.
But seriously, I'm tired. I lost it this morning when I thought stupid M$ Word ate one of my documents. It wasn't pretty. I cried. Big huge elephant-like tears.
I still don't know what happened, but in the end, I found all of the content I had written in a document saved under a different name... Did I save it again under a different name? I don't know. (Probably.) Did I never save it under the name I thought I had? I dont' know. (Probably.) Did I paste the content in the wrong window and not create a new document? (I don't know.) I'm just glad I didn't lose the content 'cause it took more than an hour to create it. I am so glad I didn't have to recreate it.
Did I mention, I'm tired?
On another note, l I want to tell you all about potty-training, but I don't know when I'm going to get time. Right now, I'll start with requesting, a big round of applause...
Miss T (2.25) stayed dry for more than 6 hours yesterday and including through her NAP. Woo-hoo. She's very excited about staying dry in her NEW pull-ups. (I'm doing pull-ups Nino and I'll talk more about that later.)
On another note, I need to tell you about K's preschool "report card" and N's school and making gingerbread houses. There's so much fun stuff going on and I don't have time to blog it. If I don't blog it, I will forget. Sigh.
But seriously, I'm tired. I lost it this morning when I thought stupid M$ Word ate one of my documents. It wasn't pretty. I cried. Big huge elephant-like tears.
I still don't know what happened, but in the end, I found all of the content I had written in a document saved under a different name... Did I save it again under a different name? I don't know. (Probably.) Did I never save it under the name I thought I had? I dont' know. (Probably.) Did I paste the content in the wrong window and not create a new document? (I don't know.) I'm just glad I didn't lose the content 'cause it took more than an hour to create it. I am so glad I didn't have to recreate it.
Did I mention, I'm tired?
On another note, l I want to tell you all about potty-training, but I don't know when I'm going to get time. Right now, I'll start with requesting, a big round of applause...
Miss T (2.25) stayed dry for more than 6 hours yesterday and including through her NAP. Woo-hoo. She's very excited about staying dry in her NEW pull-ups. (I'm doing pull-ups Nino and I'll talk more about that later.)
On another note, I need to tell you about K's preschool "report card" and N's school and making gingerbread houses. There's so much fun stuff going on and I don't have time to blog it. If I don't blog it, I will forget. Sigh.
Friday, December 21, 2007
strange need...
I have a strange need* to share this with you...
Funny video!
*You'll understand why I say strange need if you watch it.
Excuse the lame post... I'm trying to get something written for work.
Funny video!
*You'll understand why I say strange need if you watch it.
Excuse the lame post... I'm trying to get something written for work.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
J*O*Y
I really don't have time to post, but my heart is bursting with love, joy, and song. Yea, it's kind of disgusting, but I'm in such a good mood right now. I'm going with it--embracing it even. I wonder if our co-worker, N, slipped something into the cookies he baked. They were yummy and I'm even surprising myself by having such an incredibly positive mood. (MWH is kind of amazed too.)
Part of my excellent mood might be because my class is over. The final is even graded. I have to finish grades (add in the extra credit and turn them in) but I'm ALMOST DONE. Yesterday, I was grading and I was in a such a funk--pretty much 180 from this lovely mood. I even had to call MWH and ask him to come home early. I said something like,
Back to today... The girls were in wonderful moods tonight and played on the computer together (nicely even) while I cooked a yummy dinner. (Remind me to post the recipe later.) Even my hair was better today than yesterday, probably also contributing to the happy mood.
Something exciting happened today at lunch... I was with all but one of my favorite co-workers. Then, my favorite, long-time (10 years), female co-worker (who reads this blog, but even if she didn't I'd still say all of these things about her) gave me this*....
She made it. Is that cool?
She is so talented.
Regarding the photo... I was trying to get a picture of it on my arm.... Each attempt was either blurry or my arm looked very weird. Apparently my wrist bone sticks out a lot. I decided to try to get a shot of the bracelet on a background. As I was trying to get a good shot, it fell into this position.
Since my friend Nino often takes heart pictures--she finds them occurring in nature too--I decided tosteal borrow the cool idea from her. I re-shaped the way the bracelet was laying to make it more heart-like and the result was the first photo in this post.
The heart is perfect because I wanted to express a sweet thank you to my co-worker. I love that she made the bracelet. I would have loved the bracelet by itself because it's really cool (and as we noted today at lunch, it looks like a bracelet that goes well with little girls), but she made it. With her own hands. How cool is that? I kept looking down at my arm all afternoon and smiling.
Oh...here's one of the pictures where my arm doesn't look too weird.
Thank you PS! Such a wonderful holiday surprise.
*I'd also say these wonderful things about her if she hadn't have given me the bracelet.
On another note, if you haven't, go to the previous post and tell me all about your feelings about age. I'm so enjoying reading your thoughts. Please? Thank you!
Part of my excellent mood might be because my class is over. The final is even graded. I have to finish grades (add in the extra credit and turn them in) but I'm ALMOST DONE. Yesterday, I was grading and I was in a such a funk--pretty much 180 from this lovely mood. I even had to call MWH and ask him to come home early. I said something like,
Well, I'm not crying, but I'm laughing hysterically... I need your help!
Back to today... The girls were in wonderful moods tonight and played on the computer together (nicely even) while I cooked a yummy dinner. (Remind me to post the recipe later.) Even my hair was better today than yesterday, probably also contributing to the happy mood.
Something exciting happened today at lunch... I was with all but one of my favorite co-workers. Then, my favorite, long-time (10 years), female co-worker (who reads this blog, but even if she didn't I'd still say all of these things about her) gave me this*....
She made it. Is that cool?
She is so talented.
Regarding the photo... I was trying to get a picture of it on my arm.... Each attempt was either blurry or my arm looked very weird. Apparently my wrist bone sticks out a lot. I decided to try to get a shot of the bracelet on a background. As I was trying to get a good shot, it fell into this position.
Since my friend Nino often takes heart pictures--she finds them occurring in nature too--I decided to
The heart is perfect because I wanted to express a sweet thank you to my co-worker. I love that she made the bracelet. I would have loved the bracelet by itself because it's really cool (and as we noted today at lunch, it looks like a bracelet that goes well with little girls), but she made it. With her own hands. How cool is that? I kept looking down at my arm all afternoon and smiling.
Oh...here's one of the pictures where my arm doesn't look too weird.
Thank you PS! Such a wonderful holiday surprise.
*I'd also say these wonderful things about her if she hadn't have given me the bracelet.
On another note, if you haven't, go to the previous post and tell me all about your feelings about age. I'm so enjoying reading your thoughts. Please? Thank you!
Monday, December 17, 2007
If you have any time...
I hardly ever shut up around here... Sorry about that... Because it's busy right now, I'd love to hear from you about something...
Age...
1. What makes you feel young?
2. What makes you feel old?
3. In general, do you feel young or old?
4. At what age do you think you'll feel old?
5. How old are you?
Yea, yea, I know you're not supposed to ask a woman her age ... You can post a comment anonymously. If you don't like my questions, feel free to tell me something about how you think about birthdays and getting older!
I've got a birthday coming up soon, and I'm thinking about "age" and how I feel. I'd love to hear how more people feel about age.
Age...
1. What makes you feel young?
2. What makes you feel old?
3. In general, do you feel young or old?
4. At what age do you think you'll feel old?
5. How old are you?
Yea, yea, I know you're not supposed to ask a woman her age ... You can post a comment anonymously. If you don't like my questions, feel free to tell me something about how you think about birthdays and getting older!
I've got a birthday coming up soon, and I'm thinking about "age" and how I feel. I'd love to hear how more people feel about age.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Making a list....
I can't believe it's the holidaze. I can't believe I'm not really too Bah Humbuggy even. I have a lot of work to do, but maybe I'm just getting used to always working on something.
I figured I'd make a quick list about what we did this weekend, and what I have to do this week. If I don't have much time to blog it's 'cause it is a busy time!
This weekend
1. Took the girls on a few errands.
2. Took the girls to lunch at one of our fav places.
3. Went to a pet store and looked at kitties needing homes. (N (5.9) will probably get one when she's 6! We saw a sweet little girl one... she was spunky... She might be the one, or not. We'll see.)
4. Went to the Y to work out... MWH and I traded-off with the girls. First, he took them to the park area there and then I took them swimming! Me, by myself! Impressive, eh?
5. Finished up Holiday Cards and most family gifts. MWH is heading out to mail them now. Woo-hoo!
6. Cleaned the kitchen floor.
7. Worked for about 8 hours on work stuff.
8. Cleaned the bathroom floors.
Yea, it was a relaxing weekend. (Really, it wasn't too bad. I've had much more stressful ones.)
This week
1. Get a good draft of a report to the I folks.
2. Work on the second part of the I folks stuff.
3. Finish writing my final for my students and photocopy it!
4. Give the final.
5. Grade the final.
6. Finalize and turn in grades.
7. Work on the I report.
8. Work on the combining two analyses idea.
9. Work on the C Report.
10. Work on the C paper.
11. Buy cookie cutters so we can make salt-dough ornaments (I've never done this before, but I want to try.)
12. Have one of our neighbors from our previous neighborhood over to hang out for a while. (Note to self, don't forget to get the gift for her!)
Fortunately, the two holiday parties I needed to attend this year were the 6th and 7th, so we don't have any social obligations. I would like to find time to have our neighbors come over and hang out during this festive time of year.
I think that about covers it.
I figured I'd make a quick list about what we did this weekend, and what I have to do this week. If I don't have much time to blog it's 'cause it is a busy time!
This weekend
1. Took the girls on a few errands.
2. Took the girls to lunch at one of our fav places.
3. Went to a pet store and looked at kitties needing homes. (N (5.9) will probably get one when she's 6! We saw a sweet little girl one... she was spunky... She might be the one, or not. We'll see.)
4. Went to the Y to work out... MWH and I traded-off with the girls. First, he took them to the park area there and then I took them swimming! Me, by myself! Impressive, eh?
5. Finished up Holiday Cards and most family gifts. MWH is heading out to mail them now. Woo-hoo!
6. Cleaned the kitchen floor.
7. Worked for about 8 hours on work stuff.
8. Cleaned the bathroom floors.
Yea, it was a relaxing weekend. (Really, it wasn't too bad. I've had much more stressful ones.)
This week
2. Work on the second part of the I folks stuff.
4. Give the final.
5. Grade the final.
6. Finalize and turn in grades.
7. Work on the I report.
8. Work on the combining two analyses idea.
9. Work on the C Report.
10. Work on the C paper.
11. Buy cookie cutters so we can make salt-dough ornaments (I've never done this before, but I want to try.)
12. Have one of our neighbors from our previous neighborhood over to hang out for a while. (Note to self, don't forget to get the gift for her!)
Fortunately, the two holiday parties I needed to attend this year were the 6th and 7th, so we don't have any social obligations. I would like to find time to have our neighbors come over and hang out during this festive time of year.
I think that about covers it.
More from T
MWH put a barrette in her hair this morning.... She looked at herself in the mirror and said, "I look awfully cute."
She is right.
She is right.
Jokes...
N (5.9) is very interested in jokes. I've been googling "Knock-knock jokes" a great deal. K (3.5) is trying to understand how to do them. She's not quite there yet. Often they are something like...
Yesterday, she had a good one...
MWH and I laughed and laughed. Heh.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Cuckoo
Cuckoo who?
Cuckoo cuckoo
Yesterday, she had a good one...
Knock knock
Who's there?
Bush
Bush who?
Bush cuckoo
MWH and I laughed and laughed. Heh.
Friday, December 14, 2007
T's perspective...
Today, while we were walking into gymnastics class, we saw Santa! T (2.25) and K (3.5) were very excited. As he walked closer, they got a little scared. After he passed us, T said very solemnly, "He's very big."
T and I were driving around discussing "stuff." Who knows what, it was fun, suddenly T said, "Life is good. Yep, yep, yep, life is good."
So. dang. cute!
T and I were driving around discussing "stuff." Who knows what, it was fun, suddenly T said, "Life is good. Yep, yep, yep, life is good."
So. dang. cute!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Back seat driver...
I think I've mentioned before how T (2.25) is a back seat driver. This weekend, MWH was driving us around. T kept yelling, "Be careful Mommy!" as MWH drove*. I kept pointing out to her I wasn't driving. Heh.
*He was being careful, T is just rather cautious.
*He was being careful, T is just rather cautious.
energy
1) I wasted a bunch of energy dealing with a whiny student today. I will be glad when the grades are done. I grade very consistently off of a rubric that I give to my students BEFORE they write their papers. I am glad I do so. I can explain WHY someone got a certain grade very easily.
If students spent as much time doing their homework as they spend worrying about whether their professor is being fair to them, they'd ace every class. Seriously.
2) T is weaning. I'll soon have more energy.
3) I got my hair trimmed. My hair stylist uses lots of product. We think the smell from the product is giving me a headache. (Apparently, I'm becoming VERY sensitive to smells as I get older. Wonderful. (NOT!))
If students spent as much time doing their homework as they spend worrying about whether their professor is being fair to them, they'd ace every class. Seriously.
2) T is weaning. I'll soon have more energy.
3) I got my hair trimmed. My hair stylist uses lots of product. We think the smell from the product is giving me a headache. (Apparently, I'm becoming VERY sensitive to smells as I get older. Wonderful. (NOT!))
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Tuesday
This morning, T (2.25) woke me up at 6:48 am. That's really early around these parts. After half-of-an-hour of trying to sleep with her poking me I gave up and started to take her back to her room. As I was heading for her room, I slipped on the stairs. I fell, dropped her, and she tumbled down some stairs. She was scared and crying and I was scared. MWH came running out to check on us (he heard the thump-thump-thump and screams). (I've never seen him move so quickly at that hour!) T and I were both fine. We snuggled for another 1/2 hour and then she and I went back to sleep (9 for me and 10 for her). I'm so glad she's okay. It was scary watching her fall down the stairs and being hopeless. She keeps saying, "I was holding you and I dropped you and fell on the stairs." I ask, "Were you scared?" She says, "Yes and I cried and cried." Poor girl.
The rest of the day, I've been a little, groggy. It's always the case when sleep gets disrupted.
I spent about an hour talking with a colleague about a new project idea. We concluded our ideas were "orthogonal." Truly, they are. It's okay... My supervisor wants me to pursue my idea a bit more and talk more again on Thursday.
We got word that we got a new client today. We're happy, but my supervisor's supervisors were less than enthusiastic and we were a bit annoyed by their reaction.
When I got home from work, slightly late because of trying to figure out why the upper supervisors weren't happy, n3nny had to go and I had very whiny children and I was very tired. Not a good combination. At one point N (5.9) and K (3.5) were both screaming and I had to throw my head back and laugh to keep from screaming too. Good times. I'm not even going to blog about what I got to do with T (2.25) tonight--let's just say I got some extra mommy points. More good times.
It's okay. It's not a horrible day, just not really one for the blog. I'm blogging this much because it wouldn't be a fair picture if I didn't, but the details aren't important.
The rest of the day, I've been a little, groggy. It's always the case when sleep gets disrupted.
I spent about an hour talking with a colleague about a new project idea. We concluded our ideas were "orthogonal." Truly, they are. It's okay... My supervisor wants me to pursue my idea a bit more and talk more again on Thursday.
We got word that we got a new client today. We're happy, but my supervisor's supervisors were less than enthusiastic and we were a bit annoyed by their reaction.
When I got home from work, slightly late because of trying to figure out why the upper supervisors weren't happy, n3nny had to go and I had very whiny children and I was very tired. Not a good combination. At one point N (5.9) and K (3.5) were both screaming and I had to throw my head back and laugh to keep from screaming too. Good times. I'm not even going to blog about what I got to do with T (2.25) tonight--let's just say I got some extra mommy points. More good times.
It's okay. It's not a horrible day, just not really one for the blog. I'm blogging this much because it wouldn't be a fair picture if I didn't, but the details aren't important.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Don't know...
It feels wrong to me if most of my students fail. Traditionally, the class I'm teaching has a failure rate of at least 10% each semester. I currently only have one student failing (3%). Granted, they still have to take the final, and that could change things, but only 2 are in danger of failing. Most probably they'll get close to the grade they got on the first test (unless they study less). But of course, who knows!
I include a lot of assignments so that tests aren't weighted so heavily. I give extra credit because 1) they like it and 2) it gets them to do more work. If they do more work, they think more.... if they think more, they generally do better on tests and remember more.
I changed one assignment that NO ONE ever passed to be one that I helped walk them through and then they wrote a paper discussing it. It didn't seem like a good use of our time to give an assignment (the old one) that I knew they couldn't do. They would have disliked it and I would have really disliked grading it!
When I teach, I spend a lot of time thinking about what I will want them to remember in 10 years. These are the issues I test over. I don't generally test over the small details, but the big picture issues. I don't kid myself and think they'll remember the itty-bitty details. They won't. Some of my students still fail the tests, but a lot do really well. The average grade on the last test was a LOW B.
I don't think I'll get "tougher" or "meaner" but next semester, I do think I'll change my grading scale from 89-100, 78-88, 67-77, to 90, 80, 70. That change would make the average test score a C. I will also be making some changes to get them to to read the book. It drives me crazy that we can't have discussions, and when I ask questions they look at me blankly.
I think next semester I will have more confidence in what I'm doing and how to get them to learn even more. I don't like to just lecture. I don't think any one learns anything. I really don't like the bored faces I get. Does any one really like lecture? Does any one think they learn well from lecture?
I include a lot of assignments so that tests aren't weighted so heavily. I give extra credit because 1) they like it and 2) it gets them to do more work. If they do more work, they think more.... if they think more, they generally do better on tests and remember more.
I changed one assignment that NO ONE ever passed to be one that I helped walk them through and then they wrote a paper discussing it. It didn't seem like a good use of our time to give an assignment (the old one) that I knew they couldn't do. They would have disliked it and I would have really disliked grading it!
When I teach, I spend a lot of time thinking about what I will want them to remember in 10 years. These are the issues I test over. I don't generally test over the small details, but the big picture issues. I don't kid myself and think they'll remember the itty-bitty details. They won't. Some of my students still fail the tests, but a lot do really well. The average grade on the last test was a LOW B.
I don't think I'll get "tougher" or "meaner" but next semester, I do think I'll change my grading scale from 89-100, 78-88, 67-77, to 90, 80, 70. That change would make the average test score a C. I will also be making some changes to get them to to read the book. It drives me crazy that we can't have discussions, and when I ask questions they look at me blankly.
I think next semester I will have more confidence in what I'm doing and how to get them to learn even more. I don't like to just lecture. I don't think any one learns anything. I really don't like the bored faces I get. Does any one really like lecture? Does any one think they learn well from lecture?
5 more...
I have 5 more papers to grade... Then I have to put in all of their grades. Then I will be DONE... except for giving and grading the final.... but that's a whole week away--not thinking about that yet! (The test is basically written.)
Do you know where I was when I graded two of the papers? I was on the Elliptical. Do you think any of your college profs/instructors graded papers this way?
Do you know where I was when I graded two of the papers? I was on the Elliptical. Do you think any of your college profs/instructors graded papers this way?
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Lights
Tonight we drove to a local park where they have a huge display of Holiday Lights. I'd been wanting to do this since N (5.9) was almost one (five years now!). It's always been too crazy-busy around the holiday to make it happen. This year, I felt we could manage it and we did. I'm glad we did it, but we'll probably wait a few more years to do it again.... (Unless there's a way to do the train ride through the park.... Driving through the park took a long time. Getting in to the park took a long time too. The girls were really good and suprisingly patient--especially given how impatient they usually arel Overall, it was a fun evening, but not exciting enough to do again soon.)
On another note, T (2.25) didn't want to nurse tonight. She's been nursing less and less. Average time now is about 3-6 minutes total each night. Two months ago it was probably an average of 10-20 minutes total each night. We're on our way to being done with nursing. She's also working really hard on learning to use the potty. (Potty training post coming soon.)
On another note, T (2.25) didn't want to nurse tonight. She's been nursing less and less. Average time now is about 3-6 minutes total each night. Two months ago it was probably an average of 10-20 minutes total each night. We're on our way to being done with nursing. She's also working really hard on learning to use the potty. (Potty training post coming soon.)
Lovely
This morning, I woke up at 9. Lovely. One of the little girls was awake, but she watched a video, and the other two slept until about 10. Really, it doesn't get much better.
The little girls have been playing and mostly ignoring their parents this morning because they want to play with each other. We feel obsolete, but happy.
I guess N (5.9) didn't ignore us completely. She got up, sat down at the kitchen table, and told me NOT TO LOOK AT WHAT SHE WAS DOING. A little bit later she presented MWH and me a card with a wreath and candy cane drawn on the front and writing on the inside that said,
Did I tell you how T (2.25) gives K (3.5) the biggest hugs and says, "I love you" when they are reunited after separations? They do this when T goes with me to get K from preschool, when K comes out of her gymnastics class, and when K comes home from school. In public, their hugging action causes most people to stop, and say "awww." It is really cute. As their Mom, I totally melt into a big goopy puddle of Mommy.
Another fun thing is a game T and I play... It's the "I love you so much game..." It involves lots of hugging and telling each other "I love you SOOOOOO much!" Everyone wins. If I try to play the game when she's not in the mood for it, she'll look at me very seriously and say, "I don't want to love you so much."
It's not Love Thursday but there isn't any reason to wait until a Thursday for love!
The little girls have been playing and mostly ignoring their parents this morning because they want to play with each other. We feel obsolete, but happy.
I guess N (5.9) didn't ignore us completely. She got up, sat down at the kitchen table, and told me NOT TO LOOK AT WHAT SHE WAS DOING. A little bit later she presented MWH and me a card with a wreath and candy cane drawn on the front and writing on the inside that said,
Mommy I love you
Daddy I love you
Did I tell you how T (2.25) gives K (3.5) the biggest hugs and says, "I love you" when they are reunited after separations? They do this when T goes with me to get K from preschool, when K comes out of her gymnastics class, and when K comes home from school. In public, their hugging action causes most people to stop, and say "awww." It is really cute. As their Mom, I totally melt into a big goopy puddle of Mommy.
Another fun thing is a game T and I play... It's the "I love you so much game..." It involves lots of hugging and telling each other "I love you SOOOOOO much!" Everyone wins. If I try to play the game when she's not in the mood for it, she'll look at me very seriously and say, "I don't want to love you so much."
It's not Love Thursday but there isn't any reason to wait until a Thursday for love!
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Planned...
I had it all planned.... I wasn't going to be stressed in December. When MP quit and walked out, it required me to take about 60 hours of vacation I hadn't planned on taking.* This put me waaaaaaaay behind at work. It also ate up most all of my vacation hours. I kept up with my class, but just barely. Then my friend, DK, died. I was already a month behind at work, and I fell completely apart in class. I look back at some of my notes from the time around her death and am surprised to see things I covered, but don't have any memory of it. It was good, and I did it in a manner I approve of, but it is scary to me that I don't remember it.
See why I'm giving up planning anything? It never works.
Believe it or not though, I'm actually less stressed than I was in Dec. 2004.... Oy vey! I didn't have a blog back then as a place to vent.... I'll have to tell you the 12/04 story someday.
My goal for 2008... To turn my life down. I want to go from always being at 11 to maintaining 7-8 on the dial of life.**
*I'm trying not to still be mad at her, but right now, in the midst of my stress, it's hard not to be a little angry. I am trying.
**Extra credit for the person who names the movie and the reference to which I am referring in this metaphor. (MWH will get it I'm sure!)
See why I'm giving up planning anything? It never works.
Believe it or not though, I'm actually less stressed than I was in Dec. 2004.... Oy vey! I didn't have a blog back then as a place to vent.... I'll have to tell you the 12/04 story someday.
My goal for 2008... To turn my life down. I want to go from always being at 11 to maintaining 7-8 on the dial of life.**
*I'm trying not to still be mad at her, but right now, in the midst of my stress, it's hard not to be a little angry. I am trying.
**Extra credit for the person who names the movie and the reference to which I am referring in this metaphor. (MWH will get it I'm sure!)
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Questions!
My online friend Alice (no blog for a link) posted some questions for me in the comments on this post. She asked...
First, let me say questions are always welcome! They help me think about things from new perspectives. Please, if you have questions, ask them!
I'll start with the easiest question.
How is N doing with her bike? I thought that your no-pedal teaching technique is pretty neat. I will do that when I have kids.
I can't take credit for thinking up the no-pedal technique. The bike store guy told us about it. N (5.75) and her bike... She is riding really well. She got the bike on 9/29. She learned to balance really fast without the pedals. She was riding (coasting around our driveway and balancing) on the first day.
She'd push with her feet to the "top" of the driveway and then coast down. She was steering and it took probably a week or two for her to master steering. She asked for the pedals on 10/26 and MWH put them on 10/27. Within 5 minutes of him putting the pedals on she was riding. No training wheels! We were delighted! I think it was a great way to build her confidence. I think she would have been ready for the pedals sooner, but she was in charge and she wanted to wait. We listened to her wisdom. I'll be putting up videos documenting her learning on the other blog over the holiday break.
A long time ago (I don't remember exactly when) you wrote that you felt that the mean age level in your house was (I believe) around 3. What would you say is the mean age/developmental level now?
This is a harder question... I wrote the mean age in our house was around 3 in February. The mean age now, if you calculate it, is 3.83. Recently, I wrote
I think the mean age is probably close to 4. N is acting so much older than 4 (most of the time) though. She's not a little kid anymore. Age six is the start of Middle Childhood. She is seeming so much more mature. I know six is very young still, but she's my biggest girl. I'll be writing more about this soon.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm not sure what the average age in our house is now. Sometimes close to four seems right on, and sometimes it seems like N isn't part of the average. I will come back to this one later. Maybe MWH will play along and make a comment and give his opinion....
This question Two related questions (with some preamble): In my family I grew up as 'the baby'. By the time I was T's age, I HATED being called 'the baby'. Is T experiencing any of this? Does she identify herself as a 'baby' or a 'big girl'?
T calls herself the BABY. She is proud of her status as the baby. She likes the attention it gets her. I think K would have been delighted to have stayed the baby and T knows that she won the title from K. Seriously. I honestly think T knows she displaced K and she's proud of having done that. (I realize that's a pretty sophisticated concept for a 2.25 year old to have, but I honestly think she sort of has it.)
As to part 2 of that question Related to this topic, I was wondering about K. You often hear people speak of 'middle child syndrome' and the like. Does K find it difficult to be stuck in the middle? Do you notice 'middle child traits' in her? She is such a middle child. I will devote a whole post to this someday ... (Haven't I done this in the past?... Let me dig.) There's some here and there's a lot more here too. I am sure there will be more!
Last but not least, POTTY TRAINING! .... I'm going to set aside a whole post for this one really soon. I'm exhausted right now.
Over the past few days I have come up with a few questions for you... I hope it's alright to go ahead and post them here.
A long time ago (I don't remember exactly when) you wrote that you felt that the mean age level in your house was (I believe) around 3. What would you say is the mean age/developmental level now?
How is N doing with her bike? I thought that your no-pedal teaching technique is pretty neat. I will do that when I have kids.
Two related questions (with some preamble): In my family I grew up as 'the baby'. By the time I was T's age, I HATED being called 'the baby'. Is T experiencing any of this? Does she identify herself as a 'baby' or a 'big girl'?
Related to this topic, I was wondering about K. You often hear people speak of 'middle child syndrome' and the like. Does K find it difficult to be stuck in the middle? Do you notice 'middle child traits' in her?
Last but not least, the little girl I babysit has recently begun potty training. I was just wondering where T stands with regards to using the potty. And what techniques (if any) do you use when potty training with your girls?
First, let me say questions are always welcome! They help me think about things from new perspectives. Please, if you have questions, ask them!
I'll start with the easiest question.
How is N doing with her bike? I thought that your no-pedal teaching technique is pretty neat. I will do that when I have kids.
I can't take credit for thinking up the no-pedal technique. The bike store guy told us about it. N (5.75) and her bike... She is riding really well. She got the bike on 9/29. She learned to balance really fast without the pedals. She was riding (coasting around our driveway and balancing) on the first day.
She'd push with her feet to the "top" of the driveway and then coast down. She was steering and it took probably a week or two for her to master steering. She asked for the pedals on 10/26 and MWH put them on 10/27. Within 5 minutes of him putting the pedals on she was riding. No training wheels! We were delighted! I think it was a great way to build her confidence. I think she would have been ready for the pedals sooner, but she was in charge and she wanted to wait. We listened to her wisdom. I'll be putting up videos documenting her learning on the other blog over the holiday break.
A long time ago (I don't remember exactly when) you wrote that you felt that the mean age level in your house was (I believe) around 3. What would you say is the mean age/developmental level now?
This is a harder question... I wrote the mean age in our house was around 3 in February. The mean age now, if you calculate it, is 3.83. Recently, I wrote
We're definitely entering a new era around here with new bigger kid activities now. The three little girls are so different than they were last year. It's nice to have it be a little less stressful when we go out, and to be able to do more!
I think the mean age is probably close to 4. N is acting so much older than 4 (most of the time) though. She's not a little kid anymore. Age six is the start of Middle Childhood. She is seeming so much more mature. I know six is very young still, but she's my biggest girl. I'll be writing more about this soon.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm not sure what the average age in our house is now. Sometimes close to four seems right on, and sometimes it seems like N isn't part of the average. I will come back to this one later. Maybe MWH will play along and make a comment and give his opinion....
This question Two related questions (with some preamble): In my family I grew up as 'the baby'. By the time I was T's age, I HATED being called 'the baby'. Is T experiencing any of this? Does she identify herself as a 'baby' or a 'big girl'?
T calls herself the BABY. She is proud of her status as the baby. She likes the attention it gets her. I think K would have been delighted to have stayed the baby and T knows that she won the title from K. Seriously. I honestly think T knows she displaced K and she's proud of having done that. (I realize that's a pretty sophisticated concept for a 2.25 year old to have, but I honestly think she sort of has it.)
As to part 2 of that question Related to this topic, I was wondering about K. You often hear people speak of 'middle child syndrome' and the like. Does K find it difficult to be stuck in the middle? Do you notice 'middle child traits' in her? She is such a middle child. I will devote a whole post to this someday ... (Haven't I done this in the past?... Let me dig.) There's some here and there's a lot more here too. I am sure there will be more!
Last but not least, POTTY TRAINING! .... I'm going to set aside a whole post for this one really soon. I'm exhausted right now.
Happy Dance!
Yes, professors get excited at the end of classes too. Teaching is a lot of work! The last lecture has been given. Now I must grade and create a test. I need to get 3 things done before I leave. More soon... Really!
Monday, December 03, 2007
Rice
I love rice. I eat lots of brown rice. When I saw this link www.freerice.com on my friend Ruth's blog I knew I'd be linking to it too.
Freerice.com is a fun vocabulary game you can play. For every word you get right, you donate 20 grains of rice to help end world hunger. You're learning and helping at the same time. I love it.
I ate a bowl of brown rice while playing. I think I'm in the spirit!
In unrelated news, I have a really bad headache.
Freerice.com is a fun vocabulary game you can play. For every word you get right, you donate 20 grains of rice to help end world hunger. You're learning and helping at the same time. I love it.
I ate a bowl of brown rice while playing. I think I'm in the spirit!
In unrelated news, I have a really bad headache.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
slowing down...
I'll be slowing down on the cold posts. I'm starting to feel like a bit of a human again. It's about time! Okay, so I'm not the most patient sick person. Heh.
I may even leave the house today. We'll see. I don't want to get too crazy. I am going to try to go the day without cold meds. I will take advil. My head is pounding. Did I mention I got up with 2 little girls (K and T) four times last night? Sigh. I also got up once for the cat and once to go to the bathroom myself. And then I was thinking about the stats for the project and figured something out...I've got that jittery feeling again. I feel very AWAKE, but I have a very bad headache. I don't know if it's from the Sudafed or if it's the illness. K seems extra awake too so it might be the illness.
I leave you with one of the nicest things a husband could say to a wife... MWH was folding laundry last night*. He folded a pair of my pants and said, "Those are really small." My pants! Small! Woo-Hoo! Then he said, "How long until I get your clothes mixed up with the girls' clothes?" Again, very nice! That's why he's MWH.
*That earns him his name too!
I may even leave the house today. We'll see. I don't want to get too crazy. I am going to try to go the day without cold meds. I will take advil. My head is pounding. Did I mention I got up with 2 little girls (K and T) four times last night? Sigh. I also got up once for the cat and once to go to the bathroom myself. And then I was thinking about the stats for the project and figured something out...I've got that jittery feeling again. I feel very AWAKE, but I have a very bad headache. I don't know if it's from the Sudafed or if it's the illness. K seems extra awake too so it might be the illness.
I leave you with one of the nicest things a husband could say to a wife... MWH was folding laundry last night*. He folded a pair of my pants and said, "Those are really small." My pants! Small! Woo-Hoo! Then he said, "How long until I get your clothes mixed up with the girls' clothes?" Again, very nice! That's why he's MWH.
*That earns him his name too!
Saturday, December 01, 2007
New word...
Crining: Whining and crying at the same time.
Common Usage: Stop crining!
(MWH coined this one tonight.)
Common Usage: Stop crining!
(MWH coined this one tonight.)
Part of the problem...
I think part of the problem is I keep thinking I should be better by now. But I've only really been sick since Thursday night. On Thursday, I was a leeeetle sick. On Thursday, I knew things could go either way--either I could get really sick, or I could fight it and win. I was still optimistic I could fight and win until around 6 pm Thursday. It was around then I started sensing I was losing the battle. I kept taking Zicam and didn't fully given up hope until around 11 pm Thursday night.
Aren't you so glad you get to have analyze every move of my illness?
I'm a little bored. I'm too sick to really concentrate on anything very heavy-duty (e.g., the stats I need to be working on for a fun project, or the papers I need to grade) for very long.
I have managed to go shopping online and get more presents for the little girls for the upcoming holiday. I've also managed to find all the video tapes I've taken of the little girls recently. For a while, this afternoon, I was worried I had lost a whole tape. Fortunately, I just hadn't played all the way to the end of one and the footage I was looking for was there! Whew!
Oh, I'm tired. I'm even boring myself here. Maybe I should try to sleep. I wish I could turn on bad TV and snuggle up to MWH, but someone has to take care of the 3 little girls. I don't like watching bad tv alone.
Aren't you so glad you get to have analyze every move of my illness?
I'm a little bored. I'm too sick to really concentrate on anything very heavy-duty (e.g., the stats I need to be working on for a fun project, or the papers I need to grade) for very long.
I have managed to go shopping online and get more presents for the little girls for the upcoming holiday. I've also managed to find all the video tapes I've taken of the little girls recently. For a while, this afternoon, I was worried I had lost a whole tape. Fortunately, I just hadn't played all the way to the end of one and the footage I was looking for was there! Whew!
Oh, I'm tired. I'm even boring myself here. Maybe I should try to sleep. I wish I could turn on bad TV and snuggle up to MWH, but someone has to take care of the 3 little girls. I don't like watching bad tv alone.
Quotes, by me
Last weekend I said, "They are all illogical, some are a little less illogical sometimes."
(The quote was about the three little girls.)
This weekend, as I watched N (5.75) bounce in the kitchen I said, "I am jealous. I doubt I'll ever have the energy to bounce again."
MWH replied, "This is when we need to video record you and play it back for you when you're bouncing off the walls in aerobics."
(The quote was about the three little girls.)
This weekend, as I watched N (5.75) bounce in the kitchen I said, "I am jealous. I doubt I'll ever have the energy to bounce again."
MWH replied, "This is when we need to video record you and play it back for you when you're bouncing off the walls in aerobics."
feeble
I feel so exhausted today. I was hoping for a miraculous recovery. K (3.5) seemed to have most of her energy back quickly. Is it just because I'm old? Or is because I've had a lot of stress this fall and now it's all caught up to me?
Give it to me straight, I can handle it.
T (2.25) moaned and cried in her sleep last night, I went and got her and had her sleep beside me at 3:45. She was so hot. MWH had given her tylenol at midnight-ish, but she still felt burning up when I got her. She snuggled next to me and was pretty good until 7:30-ish. She thought the day should start then, and started kicking and pinching. I did not think the day should start then so I put her in her crib in her room. I slept until 10:00 am-ish.
Now, I'm alone with 3 while MWH ran to an appointment. He's been trying to schedule this one since early November. You can bet we're watching videos.
How come little girls who are sick have a lot more energy than their Mom? It's not fair.
Give it to me straight, I can handle it.
T (2.25) moaned and cried in her sleep last night, I went and got her and had her sleep beside me at 3:45. She was so hot. MWH had given her tylenol at midnight-ish, but she still felt burning up when I got her. She snuggled next to me and was pretty good until 7:30-ish. She thought the day should start then, and started kicking and pinching. I did not think the day should start then so I put her in her crib in her room. I slept until 10:00 am-ish.
Now, I'm alone with 3 while MWH ran to an appointment. He's been trying to schedule this one since early November. You can bet we're watching videos.
How come little girls who are sick have a lot more energy than their Mom? It's not fair.
Friday, November 30, 2007
so stuffy...
Since discovering Afrin, I've never had a cold where I've been stuffy, UNTIL THIS ONE. This cold is horrible. Whine, whine, complain, complain.
ouch
Last night, T (2.25) didn't ask to nurse. I had given her a snack (of pistachios) right before bed, and neither of us thought about it. I'm thinking about it today because, ouch, weaning hurts! We'll see if she wants to tonight or not. I'm guessing she will because she's coming down with the cold. (Sigh.)
I can't believe my baby is weaning. I had hoped we'd make it until she was 2. We did. I was going to stop when she was 3 for sure.... Any time she wants to now is fine with me. Can I possibly be getting my body back??? Wowza.
I can't believe my baby is weaning. I had hoped we'd make it until she was 2. We did. I was going to stop when she was 3 for sure.... Any time she wants to now is fine with me. Can I possibly be getting my body back??? Wowza.
d'oh!
I am sick. Honest-to-gosh sick. I ache. I didn't sleep very well because I was feverish and having terrible dreams. I was so feverish I had to wake MWH up at 3:44 am to go get me some tylenol. I didn't want to wake him, but I knew walking over to the kitchen to find the tylenol would probably result in me collapsing and shivering and being on the floor all night.
We didn't have any adult tylenol, so he did math and I took some of the children's tylenol. It helped and about an hour later I was able to fall asleep and sleep decently (not feverishly) until 8.
Now, it's 10:30 am and my head hurts. I had to break out the Afrin last night. It sucks to be sick.
Usually stuff doesn't get me like this, but this one has kicked me hard! I think I feel worse than I did when I had bronchitis last spring. Fortunately, I know K (3.5) (the vector for this illness) is mostly better now.... She was really sick on Wednesday... She was only really sick for 12-24 hours. Hopefully I'll be the same.
It's funny, whenever I get the cold/illness they had, I suddenly have insights to their requests... This time, K kept asking for "water with ice...." She normally drinks water no ice. I understand now... My mouth feels like it's on fire. Not unusual for a fever/illness, but now I get it. Sometimes you have to beat me over the head for me to understand.
Excuse me while I fall asleep now.
We didn't have any adult tylenol, so he did math and I took some of the children's tylenol. It helped and about an hour later I was able to fall asleep and sleep decently (not feverishly) until 8.
Now, it's 10:30 am and my head hurts. I had to break out the Afrin last night. It sucks to be sick.
Usually stuff doesn't get me like this, but this one has kicked me hard! I think I feel worse than I did when I had bronchitis last spring. Fortunately, I know K (3.5) (the vector for this illness) is mostly better now.... She was really sick on Wednesday... She was only really sick for 12-24 hours. Hopefully I'll be the same.
It's funny, whenever I get the cold/illness they had, I suddenly have insights to their requests... This time, K kept asking for "water with ice...." She normally drinks water no ice. I understand now... My mouth feels like it's on fire. Not unusual for a fever/illness, but now I get it. Sometimes you have to beat me over the head for me to understand.
Excuse me while I fall asleep now.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
froggy
I sound like one. K's croupy cold went straight to my throat. Here's hoping I don't get a stuffy head. Go Zicam...keep me from needing my friend Afrin the wonder drug.
In other medical news, I didn't go to the cafeteria today and I didn't get a migrito!
In other medical news, I didn't go to the cafeteria today and I didn't get a migrito!
I did forget something...
I didn't forget a whole project at work, but I forgot I have to write a report for the C-project. It's okay though because some of what goes in the report will go in the paper. Even if part of the report doesn't end up in the paper, it will help inform the paper.
improvement
I had a meeting today about 2 projects. I want to work on them both, but right now I don't have any time. The good news is that I will still work on them both, but not for many months. Woo-hoo. It was a good meeting. I was a little worried because this was part of the history of my relationship with the person I met with today. Our relationship has greatly improved.
The work improvement is that I now just have 2 projects taking my time and one idea I need to start writing about for a proposal... I think that's it for work, unless I'm forgetting something... Given my brain it's entirely likely I'm forgetting something. (I went to pick up N (5.75) at school today and I almost drove to K's school instead. Fortunately K's school is on the way to N's school from my work! Whew!)
I need to FOCUS. Having only have 3 things to worry about at work, writing the C-paper and the I-paper, and writing up my idea will hlep me focus. Three things are easier to keep track of than 5 things. Yippee!!! I have two less projects! Happy Dance!
Also, I will be teaching next semester too so that makes me responsible for 4 things. It will be the same class. I am excited to do it again. It will be good to do it again. I'll be doing most things the same, but adding in a new twist to make things work a little better (or at least that is the goal). I feel like this class is ending in a place that is better than I would have predicted in early November. In early November, I was reeling from the loss of my friend DK, so it's not surprising I wasn't very optimistic about this class.
I'm in a much better place about DK right now. I don't know if I temporarily put it away because I needed to so that I could survive the semester, or if I'm healing. I am guessing I temporarily put it away, but perhaps I will have a better perspective on it in a few more weeks. I imagine it will take a lot more processing in a few weeks.
I spoke to all three of the people who were close to her at my work today too. One of them just got hit with feeling overwhelmed by it again, one of them sounds about like me, and the other one, I just don't know him well enough to know how he is doing. The one who is feeling overwhelmed again just can't believe how hard it hit him. It is such a huge loss. Okay... stopping now...
Yea, I definitely have a great deal more processing to do. I guess I should be happy I can compartmentalize.
The work improvement is that I now just have 2 projects taking my time and one idea I need to start writing about for a proposal... I think that's it for work, unless I'm forgetting something... Given my brain it's entirely likely I'm forgetting something. (I went to pick up N (5.75) at school today and I almost drove to K's school instead. Fortunately K's school is on the way to N's school from my work! Whew!)
I need to FOCUS. Having only have 3 things to worry about at work, writing the C-paper and the I-paper, and writing up my idea will hlep me focus. Three things are easier to keep track of than 5 things. Yippee!!! I have two less projects! Happy Dance!
Also, I will be teaching next semester too so that makes me responsible for 4 things. It will be the same class. I am excited to do it again. It will be good to do it again. I'll be doing most things the same, but adding in a new twist to make things work a little better (or at least that is the goal). I feel like this class is ending in a place that is better than I would have predicted in early November. In early November, I was reeling from the loss of my friend DK, so it's not surprising I wasn't very optimistic about this class.
I'm in a much better place about DK right now. I don't know if I temporarily put it away because I needed to so that I could survive the semester, or if I'm healing. I am guessing I temporarily put it away, but perhaps I will have a better perspective on it in a few more weeks. I imagine it will take a lot more processing in a few weeks.
I spoke to all three of the people who were close to her at my work today too. One of them just got hit with feeling overwhelmed by it again, one of them sounds about like me, and the other one, I just don't know him well enough to know how he is doing. The one who is feeling overwhelmed again just can't believe how hard it hit him. It is such a huge loss. Okay... stopping now...
Yea, I definitely have a great deal more processing to do. I guess I should be happy I can compartmentalize.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Welcome back!
I haven't had time to say, welcome back to my friend who was abroad for ~1.25 years.
I've only gotten to see her one time (so far) since she's been back, but I am excited she's here. (Last week, when I I was busy, she wasn't busy, then she was busy and I wasn't, and now we'll see how long till we can do something fun!) I'm very glad she's back. I hope she gets over the jet-lag and the stress from the move soon. I have to put her new phone number in my cell phone so I can call her at random times.... (Call me on my cell so I can get your number in there! I don't have it yet, that's part of the reason I can't call! Having her number, my phone, and quiet at all the same time hasn't happened yet.)
Anyway, yippee!
I've only gotten to see her one time (so far) since she's been back, but I am excited she's here. (Last week, when I I was busy, she wasn't busy, then she was busy and I wasn't, and now we'll see how long till we can do something fun!) I'm very glad she's back. I hope she gets over the jet-lag and the stress from the move soon. I have to put her new phone number in my cell phone so I can call her at random times.... (Call me on my cell so I can get your number in there! I don't have it yet, that's part of the reason I can't call! Having her number, my phone, and quiet at all the same time hasn't happened yet.)
Anyway, yippee!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
bark... whine...
K (3.5) sounds pretty barky. She had croup 2 years ago. She's bigger now than she was then, so theoretically croup should be easier this time around. She sounds all breathy as she breathes... Sigh.
I went to work today, and I felt the start of a migrito. The cafeteria is triggering them I think. The cafeteria has a grill and it's pretty smokey in there. As I was grabbing some lunch to take back to my office, I felt a twinge of the migrito starting in my right forehead... Literally, the first twinge! I got out of the cafeteria as quickly as possible and took some ibuprofen with my lunch. So far, it's not too bad. I'm a little more light sensitive on this one than I was on the last two, but I'm less shakey.
I went to work today, and I felt the start of a migrito. The cafeteria is triggering them I think. The cafeteria has a grill and it's pretty smokey in there. As I was grabbing some lunch to take back to my office, I felt a twinge of the migrito starting in my right forehead... Literally, the first twinge! I got out of the cafeteria as quickly as possible and took some ibuprofen with my lunch. So far, it's not too bad. I'm a little more light sensitive on this one than I was on the last two, but I'm less shakey.
Verklempt
Look! I'm not going to complain about my students. I'm going to be proud of one for a moment.
I'm not actually grading yet. I'm doing the first read/skim through the papers to orient myself. I see issues, but I also see significant progress in some of their papers.
One student, when we started the paper, was very resistant. She repeatedly told me how she had no idea what topic she would want because she wasn't interested in learning about any of it. (She pretty much said those exact words.) Flabbergasted was my internal reaction, but I summoned every ounce of patience and encouragement I could for her and helped her find a topic.
At the beginning of the semester, I told my students I wanted to help them write the best papers they had ever written. I am guessing for this resistant student this was one of her best papers--she worked really hard. I am thrilled with what I saw when I skimmed her paper. I doubt it's an A paper, but it might be a B paper.
Since this is a student who "just wants to pass" (she told me this too), I'm sure she'll be dancing if she receives a B. I am pretty sure she will pass the class given her performance on the paper. Best of all, I think she might have learned something too! Yippee!
This, my friends, is why I like to teach. I'll report back.
I'm not actually grading yet. I'm doing the first read/skim through the papers to orient myself. I see issues, but I also see significant progress in some of their papers.
One student, when we started the paper, was very resistant. She repeatedly told me how she had no idea what topic she would want because she wasn't interested in learning about any of it. (She pretty much said those exact words.) Flabbergasted was my internal reaction, but I summoned every ounce of patience and encouragement I could for her and helped her find a topic.
At the beginning of the semester, I told my students I wanted to help them write the best papers they had ever written. I am guessing for this resistant student this was one of her best papers--she worked really hard. I am thrilled with what I saw when I skimmed her paper. I doubt it's an A paper, but it might be a B paper.
Since this is a student who "just wants to pass" (she told me this too), I'm sure she'll be dancing if she receives a B. I am pretty sure she will pass the class given her performance on the paper. Best of all, I think she might have learned something too! Yippee!
This, my friends, is why I like to teach. I'll report back.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Inventing...
I'm inventing a new kind of headache. I'm going to call it a migrito headache. The name means, little migraine. If I don't go with migrito, I could call it a migraine-y headache as Buffy might. This type of headache lasts for days, makes you shakey and a little queasy, but not too bad, and is most likely triggered by extreme stress.
The migrito or migraine-y doesn't have full-on auras, nor are you really sensitive to light, but you are slightly sensitive to light, especially direct sunlight, and flickering light makes you want to throw-up. You often grab whatever part of your head hurts and moan.
I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow, but the last two times I've been at work I've come home with either a migrito or migraine-y. I'm scared to go to work tomorrow. Seriously. I am thinking of calling my supervisor and suggesting I work from home tomorrow because I have a lot to do and a headache would set me back a long way. I don't have time for a big bad headache, or even a little 2-3 day long migrito.
Please, vote on the name you prefer in the comments!
The migrito or migraine-y doesn't have full-on auras, nor are you really sensitive to light, but you are slightly sensitive to light, especially direct sunlight, and flickering light makes you want to throw-up. You often grab whatever part of your head hurts and moan.
I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow, but the last two times I've been at work I've come home with either a migrito or migraine-y. I'm scared to go to work tomorrow. Seriously. I am thinking of calling my supervisor and suggesting I work from home tomorrow because I have a lot to do and a headache would set me back a long way. I don't have time for a big bad headache, or even a little 2-3 day long migrito.
Please, vote on the name you prefer in the comments!
#2
K (3.5) has a cold... There was a baby at the park on Saturday... His nose was running. K was hugging him. I was trying to get her to stop. She loves babies.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Perhaps?
Perhaps some of the things I've been saying are are finally starting to become part of my own understanding. I hope so... I have to keep saying them over and over to "get it."
More on my class soon. I have lots to tell you...
1) The student who brought me chocolates...
2) The totally stressed out student who I like very much but is still driving me crazy...
3) All about the papers I'm grading
4) How one of my students said something in class today that was unbelievably annoying ...
Last semester, one of my students actually asked me, "Are you going say anything important today?" She had come in to class to tell me she was going to miss that day because she had to study for a test for another class. That's fine. She's an adult and can make her own mind up about the top priority...
However, asking if I was going to say anything important "that day" was an insult. Pretty much every professor will tell a student, "Everything I say is important." It's not because we think we are the bees-knees, but because we are the person assessing the performance in the class--if you listen to a professor, chances are you'll do better in the class!
Lecture over.
More on my class soon. I have lots to tell you...
1) The student who brought me chocolates...
2) The totally stressed out student who I like very much but is still driving me crazy...
3) All about the papers I'm grading
4) How one of my students said something in class today that was unbelievably annoying ...
Last semester, one of my students actually asked me, "Are you going say anything important today?" She had come in to class to tell me she was going to miss that day because she had to study for a test for another class. That's fine. She's an adult and can make her own mind up about the top priority...
However, asking if I was going to say anything important "that day" was an insult. Pretty much every professor will tell a student, "Everything I say is important." It's not because we think we are the bees-knees, but because we are the person assessing the performance in the class--if you listen to a professor, chances are you'll do better in the class!
Lecture over.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Two more...
My hair... I spent 5 whole minutes styling my hair this morning, and I was thrilled with the outcome. Usually I get 20 seconds time for styling. If I spent a little more time on my hair would I always like it this much? Or do I like it today because I'm due for a trim on Tuesday. Now I have to decide what to tell her... Do I have her trim it or not.... Yikes... Decisions!
Today, we ate at one of our favorite restaurants... It's one MWH and I love, but we usually don't take the girls to it (I'm not sure if we have since K was teeny tiny). They liked it! Woo-hoo. Now we'll be able to go there more often. It's a tad crazy busy at lunch time, but maybe we can time it better in the future and miss the rush. We took our hike/walk today. It went pretty well, but either we need two strollers (jogging and double) or we need to bring N's bike so she can ride and one of us can keep up with her. My goal is to be able to do this at least once a month on a weekend day (and ideally twice a month!).
We're definitely entering a new era around here with new bigger kid activities now. The three little girls are so different than they were last year. It's nice to have it be a little less stressful when we go out, and to be able to do more!
(And, no, we didn't make it to look at couches. We chose to take the walk/hike. It was a nice day--and that made it hard to want to go inside to shop!)
Today, we ate at one of our favorite restaurants... It's one MWH and I love, but we usually don't take the girls to it (I'm not sure if we have since K was teeny tiny). They liked it! Woo-hoo. Now we'll be able to go there more often. It's a tad crazy busy at lunch time, but maybe we can time it better in the future and miss the rush. We took our hike/walk today. It went pretty well, but either we need two strollers (jogging and double) or we need to bring N's bike so she can ride and one of us can keep up with her. My goal is to be able to do this at least once a month on a weekend day (and ideally twice a month!).
We're definitely entering a new era around here with new bigger kid activities now. The three little girls are so different than they were last year. It's nice to have it be a little less stressful when we go out, and to be able to do more!
(And, no, we didn't make it to look at couches. We chose to take the walk/hike. It was a nice day--and that made it hard to want to go inside to shop!)
Excellent
Warning: A very boring post, read at your own risk.
All 3 little girls took a nap yesterday... N (5.75) hasn't napped for two years (except on the very odd/sick day). It was EXCELLENT!
This morning, I woke up at 7:30, but told myself only getting 6 hours of sleep was ridiculous when it was a holiday weekend. I gave myself a talking to and told myself I should take the opportunity to go back to sleep. (I told myself I should NOT get up and work.) I went back to sleep for 2 more glorious hours. Note: I am stressed.... I dreamt about working, but I think dreaming about working is less bad than getting up early and doing work. What do you think?
At 9:30, N and K (3.5) got up and happily watched Caillou and Super WHY! until MWH and I were willing to get up and feed them. (They woke us up, but you can't complain about 9:30!) T (2.25) is still asleep! It's 11:30. I think we were all pretty tired.
I love long lazy weekends. Today, we're going to go eat at a favorite restaurant (for lunch), talk a longish walk/hike and hopefully have time to go look at couches (we have no furniture in our living room).
Someday I'll have to post what we did accomplish this year in the house despite everything else.... Yesterday we looked at new kitchen chairs. I think we found some that both MWH and I think are comfortable. Now we have to go back and pick out color (for fabric seat) and wood color for the frame. (Hopefully we can do this in the next couple of weeks. It would be nice to have chairs by the new year, though we might not be able to get them even if we ordered this week... The end of the year is coming too soon.) I still have to tackle organizing all of the papers the girls bring home from preschool, but n3nny is willing to help. She's good! Someday I'm going to have to tell you more about her.
End boring post.
Hope all of you are having nice long lazy weekends too!
All 3 little girls took a nap yesterday... N (5.75) hasn't napped for two years (except on the very odd/sick day). It was EXCELLENT!
This morning, I woke up at 7:30, but told myself only getting 6 hours of sleep was ridiculous when it was a holiday weekend. I gave myself a talking to and told myself I should take the opportunity to go back to sleep. (I told myself I should NOT get up and work.) I went back to sleep for 2 more glorious hours. Note: I am stressed.... I dreamt about working, but I think dreaming about working is less bad than getting up early and doing work. What do you think?
At 9:30, N and K (3.5) got up and happily watched Caillou and Super WHY! until MWH and I were willing to get up and feed them. (They woke us up, but you can't complain about 9:30!) T (2.25) is still asleep! It's 11:30. I think we were all pretty tired.
I love long lazy weekends. Today, we're going to go eat at a favorite restaurant (for lunch), talk a longish walk/hike and hopefully have time to go look at couches (we have no furniture in our living room).
Someday I'll have to post what we did accomplish this year in the house despite everything else.... Yesterday we looked at new kitchen chairs. I think we found some that both MWH and I think are comfortable. Now we have to go back and pick out color (for fabric seat) and wood color for the frame. (Hopefully we can do this in the next couple of weeks. It would be nice to have chairs by the new year, though we might not be able to get them even if we ordered this week... The end of the year is coming too soon.) I still have to tackle organizing all of the papers the girls bring home from preschool, but n3nny is willing to help. She's good! Someday I'm going to have to tell you more about her.
End boring post.
Hope all of you are having nice long lazy weekends too!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Thankful...
Yesterday, I was thankful when I finished my Thanksgiving grocery shopping. I don't think the parking lot at Whole Foods had very many thankful people in it. It was not pretty. In fact, it was downright ugly.
When you think about the original Thanksgiving, the holiday today is a bit shocking. People get way to stressed about holidays. The people at the grocery store and the parking lot were prime examples. I got honked at when I backed out of my parking space. It was by someone who was trying to leave too. They were "done" so they wanted out of there. I was done too. I wanted out of there. The honk was unnecessary. Of course, they could have accidentally hit the horn, but the grimace on their face told me they meant the honk.
Today, I am very thankful to be getting together with some friends and not cooking the traditional Thanksgiving dinner. We're going to hang and eat our favorite foods and watch the kids play. I'm thankful for all of the giggles I got when I tickled T (2.25). I am thankful for how sweet K (3.5) was when we went and got coffee. I am also thankful for N (5.75) and how much she teaches her little sisters. It is amazing to watch. Of course, I am thankful for MWH. He is my wonderful husband. Today, I cleaned the sink in the kitchen and realized I've only done this twice since we moved in the house. The sink is usually clean because MWH cleans it when he washes the dishes*. (That alone would earn him the name MWH.)
*Earlier today, I saw a man wearing a shirt that said, "Hug the dishwasher." I think MWH needs that shirt!
When you think about the original Thanksgiving, the holiday today is a bit shocking. People get way to stressed about holidays. The people at the grocery store and the parking lot were prime examples. I got honked at when I backed out of my parking space. It was by someone who was trying to leave too. They were "done" so they wanted out of there. I was done too. I wanted out of there. The honk was unnecessary. Of course, they could have accidentally hit the horn, but the grimace on their face told me they meant the honk.
Today, I am very thankful to be getting together with some friends and not cooking the traditional Thanksgiving dinner. We're going to hang and eat our favorite foods and watch the kids play. I'm thankful for all of the giggles I got when I tickled T (2.25). I am thankful for how sweet K (3.5) was when we went and got coffee. I am also thankful for N (5.75) and how much she teaches her little sisters. It is amazing to watch. Of course, I am thankful for MWH. He is my wonderful husband. Today, I cleaned the sink in the kitchen and realized I've only done this twice since we moved in the house. The sink is usually clean because MWH cleans it when he washes the dishes*. (That alone would earn him the name MWH.)
*Earlier today, I saw a man wearing a shirt that said, "Hug the dishwasher." I think MWH needs that shirt!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Another Headache...
I got another headache today. Sigh. It hurts. I'm shakey. I feel crappy. I don't even think I am as stressed as I was last week. More later.... (Note to self, I got the headache at work. I think I got the last headache whiile I was at work... Is it stress, or is it being triggered by some environmental factor at work? Gotta determine the cause. Oh my aching head!)
Monday, November 19, 2007
Class
I'm grading... I'm done now. It wasn't as bad as I was anticipating, but I get to do it again! In a week! Woo-hoo! (That was sarcasm if you couldn't tell.) I feel good after I'm done grading, and it's not even (too) bad while I'm doing it, but thinking about having to sit down with a huge pile of (most likely) poorly written papers isn't fun.
Did I tell you about the professor who teaches right after me in the same room? The other day, when he came in, one of my students was standing and waiting for me to talk. He said Hi to her. She was friendly and said Hi to him. Then he started chatting more with her as I packed up my stuff. I realized he thought she was one of his students. He confirmed this by asking if she had a specific question a few seconds later.
I was stunned! How could a person teach a class for almost a semester and NOT recognize if a student was in the class? I honestly think the poor man is overwhelmed, but I was embarrassed by his mistake. I make it a goal to learn all of the names of my students in the first month. I try to learn them more quickly, but some of them don't show up in class very often and it makes it hard!
One of my students thanked me for feedback on her paper. I created quite a bit of writing in the class because I wanted them to write higher quality papers. We'll see if it worked. The problem is, I haven't taught this class before, so I'm not sure the level of quality the papers would normally show. The other instructor who has taught this class before says student quality varies a great deal between classes. In some ways, I think my students are doing pretty well, and in other ways, not. I'll have to go into this later though.
Did I tell you about the professor who teaches right after me in the same room? The other day, when he came in, one of my students was standing and waiting for me to talk. He said Hi to her. She was friendly and said Hi to him. Then he started chatting more with her as I packed up my stuff. I realized he thought she was one of his students. He confirmed this by asking if she had a specific question a few seconds later.
I was stunned! How could a person teach a class for almost a semester and NOT recognize if a student was in the class? I honestly think the poor man is overwhelmed, but I was embarrassed by his mistake. I make it a goal to learn all of the names of my students in the first month. I try to learn them more quickly, but some of them don't show up in class very often and it makes it hard!
One of my students thanked me for feedback on her paper. I created quite a bit of writing in the class because I wanted them to write higher quality papers. We'll see if it worked. The problem is, I haven't taught this class before, so I'm not sure the level of quality the papers would normally show. The other instructor who has taught this class before says student quality varies a great deal between classes. In some ways, I think my students are doing pretty well, and in other ways, not. I'll have to go into this later though.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
A huge pile of ...
Crocs!
Heh.
Yesterday, we had the girls at the mall. They each got their second pair of crocs. K (3.5) has yellow and hot pink. T (2.25) has pink and red. N (5.75) has pink and orange. We accessorized too. K has a Cinderella jibbitz, T has a "Baby Jaguar" and N has a peppermint candy.
I stood in front of the display and considered buying a second pair for me. I have black mary-janes. As I stood there considering, I realized I probably shouldn't buy another pair--I remembered I already have a second pair. I have croc flip-flops too.
I bought my first pair in August when I was worried I had Plantar Fasciitis. I know it is very painful. My feet were very sore. I iced a lot and tried to wear good shoes. I got some crocs because I'd read they could help with Plantar Fasciitis. I didn't want it to get worse if it was Plantar Fasciitis. My sister-in-law had it and was unable to exercise (walk or aerobics) for MONTHS. I watched how hard it was on her. My feet felt better almost immediately after I started wearing crocs. I LOVE THEM. I wear them most days. I try not to wear them every day, but it's hard not to wear them.
My girls love them. They are kind of silly looking--I resisted buying them for a LONG time. I'm a croc-convert now. I'm trying to get MWH to try on a pair. Heh. The girls think he'd look good in bright green. I told him they had brown. He's holding out against them. We'll see!
Heh.
Yesterday, we had the girls at the mall. They each got their second pair of crocs. K (3.5) has yellow and hot pink. T (2.25) has pink and red. N (5.75) has pink and orange. We accessorized too. K has a Cinderella jibbitz, T has a "Baby Jaguar" and N has a peppermint candy.
I stood in front of the display and considered buying a second pair for me. I have black mary-janes. As I stood there considering, I realized I probably shouldn't buy another pair--I remembered I already have a second pair. I have croc flip-flops too.
I bought my first pair in August when I was worried I had Plantar Fasciitis. I know it is very painful. My feet were very sore. I iced a lot and tried to wear good shoes. I got some crocs because I'd read they could help with Plantar Fasciitis. I didn't want it to get worse if it was Plantar Fasciitis. My sister-in-law had it and was unable to exercise (walk or aerobics) for MONTHS. I watched how hard it was on her. My feet felt better almost immediately after I started wearing crocs. I LOVE THEM. I wear them most days. I try not to wear them every day, but it's hard not to wear them.
My girls love them. They are kind of silly looking--I resisted buying them for a LONG time. I'm a croc-convert now. I'm trying to get MWH to try on a pair. Heh. The girls think he'd look good in bright green. I told him they had brown. He's holding out against them. We'll see!
Friday, November 16, 2007
Quotes.....
I've missed recording some great quotes from MWH lately. Sigh. It just goes to show how much time and energy grieving is taking.
Headache...
I've had a headache for a few days now. It's the same headache.... I wake up with it. I'm pretty sure it's stress related. If you haven't noticed, I'm not doing well. It will get better. I don't know when, but it will. I haven't cried (yet) today, and I think that's a good sign.
Today, I am working really hard on relaxing a bit so my head will stop pounding. MWH (earns his name again) took this afternoon off work to help me. He picked up K (3.5) from preschool while I spent an hour trying to take a nap. I tried really hard, and it didn't work. I get a lot of sleep at night, so I'm not really tired. It would have been good for my head to nap, but at least I am laying down. Oh my aching head!
Today, I've taken 3 ibuprofen and two tylenol in an attempt to rid my headache. It's probably time to take some more tylenol.
If you want cheerier posts, go to the other blog. If you don't know the URL, leave me a comment with your email or send me an email virtual_jk at yahoo dot com ...
Today, I am working really hard on relaxing a bit so my head will stop pounding. MWH (earns his name again) took this afternoon off work to help me. He picked up K (3.5) from preschool while I spent an hour trying to take a nap. I tried really hard, and it didn't work. I get a lot of sleep at night, so I'm not really tired. It would have been good for my head to nap, but at least I am laying down. Oh my aching head!
Today, I've taken 3 ibuprofen and two tylenol in an attempt to rid my headache. It's probably time to take some more tylenol.
If you want cheerier posts, go to the other blog. If you don't know the URL, leave me a comment with your email or send me an email virtual_jk at yahoo dot com ...
Thursday, November 15, 2007
What I learned today...
Grief is not depression.
There is no timetable.
There is nothing one can do to ease the pain.
I'm not supposed to grieve alone.
I am not supposed to be too independent during this time. I am supposed to let others help me.
The sudden, unexpected nature of my friend's death may make it a harder grieving process.
The fact that I didn't get to see my friend for dinner when I was supposed to because our nanny quit without notice bothers me a great deal. Since I have unfinished business my grief may take longer to resolve. It was good unfinished business with my friend, but I feel I had many things I wanted to do with her. All of the things we were supposed, and didn't get the opportunity to do are really weighing on me. (My friend was very understanding why I couldn't make dinner that night, and we planned to have dinner soon, but for some reason having not gotten to have dinner with her makes me feel like I failed her as a friend. Sigh.)
I learned the things listed above from this web site.
I realized yesterday, if my friend were alive, I wouldn't be thinking about her this much. This made me cry.
My supervisor thinks I should see a grief counselor. As is usually the case, I agree with him.
There is no timetable.
There is nothing one can do to ease the pain.
I'm not supposed to grieve alone.
I am not supposed to be too independent during this time. I am supposed to let others help me.
The sudden, unexpected nature of my friend's death may make it a harder grieving process.
The fact that I didn't get to see my friend for dinner when I was supposed to because our nanny quit without notice bothers me a great deal. Since I have unfinished business my grief may take longer to resolve. It was good unfinished business with my friend, but I feel I had many things I wanted to do with her. All of the things we were supposed, and didn't get the opportunity to do are really weighing on me. (My friend was very understanding why I couldn't make dinner that night, and we planned to have dinner soon, but for some reason having not gotten to have dinner with her makes me feel like I failed her as a friend. Sigh.)
I learned the things listed above from this web site.
I realized yesterday, if my friend were alive, I wouldn't be thinking about her this much. This made me cry.
My supervisor thinks I should see a grief counselor. As is usually the case, I agree with him.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Not a Vulcan...
I am learning I am not a Vulcan. I find myself tearing up at the slightest thing. I tear up when I'm happy and sad. I tear up when someone tells me a good story. I love to laugh, and I don't like being this "cry-y".
Jeez, I didn't do this when I was pregnant. My emotions were under control then. I only had one or two "moments of crying" with each pregnancy--lots of paranoia about health issues, but I didn't cry. (In general, MWH was very lucky in regards to my emotions. I was very even during pregnancy.) All this crying is not working for my identity as a Vulcan. Logic and rationality are things I hold dear.
I'm sure all this sensitivity is making me a better person, but I liked the logical me. I'm sure I'll get "back in control" and not be quite so sensitive. I'm glad I started out as a Vulcan because if I was emotional to start, I can only imagine what I'd be like I'd be now! I don't think it would be pretty.
Jeez, I didn't do this when I was pregnant. My emotions were under control then. I only had one or two "moments of crying" with each pregnancy--lots of paranoia about health issues, but I didn't cry. (In general, MWH was very lucky in regards to my emotions. I was very even during pregnancy.) All this crying is not working for my identity as a Vulcan. Logic and rationality are things I hold dear.
I'm sure all this sensitivity is making me a better person, but I liked the logical me. I'm sure I'll get "back in control" and not be quite so sensitive. I'm glad I started out as a Vulcan because if I was emotional to start, I can only imagine what I'd be like I'd be now! I don't think it would be pretty.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
phone call
I called one of my friends tonight.... She answered and then said, "Dora's over, dinner just hit the table, and it's one of those nights."
I said, "Enough said."
We hung up quickly.
She has 3 little ones too.
I said, "Enough said."
We hung up quickly.
She has 3 little ones too.
Conclusion...
I have come to the conclusion that where I work, there are some insane folks. I work really hard, but what they are trying to do on one project is, um, unrealistic. I'm sure we'll figure something out, but wowza. What I'm not sure about is whether I will be able to stay involved.
(File under 5 three-letter groups come together for a Big Project with 3 letters.)
(File under 5 three-letter groups come together for a Big Project with 3 letters.)
Monday, November 12, 2007
Strategies!
Because I'm a geek and I like to note cognitive developments....
The other day, N (5.75) asked how to spell the name of one of her friends. We were downstairs. I told her and she ran upstairs repeating the letters of her friend's name over and over... _ - _ - _ -_ It's one of the first times I've seen her repeat information to remember it.
The other day, N (5.75) asked how to spell the name of one of her friends. We were downstairs. I told her and she ran upstairs repeating the letters of her friend's name over and over... _ - _ - _ -_ It's one of the first times I've seen her repeat information to remember it.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
I could...
I could do a longer post about how things are going, but I don't feel like it. I've started a post about things several times, but I can't quite figure out all I want to say or how to say it. I'm distracted and overwhelmed. I'm tired and sad. I'm stressed.
I don't understand it when I think, "DK is dead." The words do not make sense to me. I don't believe it. I keep thinking maybe it's a bad dream, but it seems to be continuing and everyone I know seems to be having the same dream. That's where I am. I think about her husband and I can't even imagine what he's experiencing.
It just doesn't make sense.
I don't understand it when I think, "DK is dead." The words do not make sense to me. I don't believe it. I keep thinking maybe it's a bad dream, but it seems to be continuing and everyone I know seems to be having the same dream. That's where I am. I think about her husband and I can't even imagine what he's experiencing.
It just doesn't make sense.
Thanksgiving
I think I just volunteered to host T-giving at my house. It's good. I just haven't made a turkey for many years and I need to figure out a good stuffing recipe. Any suggestions?
Saturday, November 10, 2007
My schedule...
I often call myself a victim of my own schedule, or say that my life is a moving target.
Take this for example. I recently double-booked myself. I agreed to a meeting during the time I'd scheduled for my next haircut. I was going to change the haircut, but it's such a pain to do it over the phone, I decided to go in to the salon. Before I could make it in to do the change, the conflicting meeting moved (3 times). It's a good thing to procrastinate sometimes, eh?
Take this for example. I recently double-booked myself. I agreed to a meeting during the time I'd scheduled for my next haircut. I was going to change the haircut, but it's such a pain to do it over the phone, I decided to go in to the salon. Before I could make it in to do the change, the conflicting meeting moved (3 times). It's a good thing to procrastinate sometimes, eh?
The Internet Installer Guy....
Heh. It's a post with a funny story (or at least not a depressing story). Can you believe it? From me? Coming your way?
On Tuesday, we were getting equipment installed for a new ISP (internet service provider). They came to install the modem, run some wires through our house, and do lots of stuff. They were here from 9:30 am until 8 pm. IT WAS A LONG DAY for both them and us. Things aren't quite all the way working, but they are mostly stable and they'll be back next week to finish it all. Pain is sometimes what happens when you are an early adopter of technology... Wait. I digress... This is the FUNNY story...(Or, at least, not depressing.)
Okay...
While waiting for the installers to leave, I was watching a video with the girls. It's hard to let your girls run around the house when 1) they have drills and stuff laying around and 2) the opening to the crawl space under the house is exposed and 3) all three of your little girls like to go in opposite directions.
Since we were watching a video, I had my laptop and was reading blogs. I'm a little bored with Charlotte's Web 2. I've seen it a few times. (If you have a small child, I highly recommend it. It's not the literary achievement Charlotte's Web was, but it's very innocuous and the death theme isn't there, which can be scary for children, and the girls like it.)
Oh yea, funny story...
Me watching video and reading blogs... I read Cecily's blog post from Monday. Not that exciting... It left me wanting more. I followed the link to the pictures of b*re*as*ts. Who doesn't like to see b*re*as*ts? We are all curious! Anyway, I started browsing and reading the stories about the Uncovered Project. It was interesting. MWH came home and I showed him the b*re*as*ts. He was good with the b*re*as*ts thing. Heh. Then I shut my computer and left it downstairs while he stayed with the girls and the Internet Guy and I went up to cook dinner.
When the Internet Guy was ready to configure the Internet for us, MWH grabbed my computer. He opened it and there were the b*re*as*ts. Heh. We don't know if the Internet Guy saw them or not. MWH shut the page quickly. Poor MWH. I set him up..... I didn't mean to. He and I both think it's pretty funny. (I probably think it's a bit funnier than he does though since I wasn't the one who was embarrassed.)
I have no problem with b*re*as*ts, looking at them, showing pictures of them to someone else, or in even showing mine... The problem I have is b*re*as*ts are taboo in our society.* I don't show mine to other people (even nursing, I was amazingly discreet!) because I don't like to make other people uncomfortable.
I'm guessing the Internet Installer Guy was okay with seeing the b*re*as*ts if he saw them. What do you think?
Any embarrassing or funny stories for me? If they involve b*re*as*ts or not, please share! I need distraction!
*I only spell it out with asterisks because I don't want people coming here looking for pictures and being disappointed.
On Tuesday, we were getting equipment installed for a new ISP (internet service provider). They came to install the modem, run some wires through our house, and do lots of stuff. They were here from 9:30 am until 8 pm. IT WAS A LONG DAY for both them and us. Things aren't quite all the way working, but they are mostly stable and they'll be back next week to finish it all. Pain is sometimes what happens when you are an early adopter of technology... Wait. I digress... This is the FUNNY story...(Or, at least, not depressing.)
Okay...
While waiting for the installers to leave, I was watching a video with the girls. It's hard to let your girls run around the house when 1) they have drills and stuff laying around and 2) the opening to the crawl space under the house is exposed and 3) all three of your little girls like to go in opposite directions.
Since we were watching a video, I had my laptop and was reading blogs. I'm a little bored with Charlotte's Web 2. I've seen it a few times. (If you have a small child, I highly recommend it. It's not the literary achievement Charlotte's Web was, but it's very innocuous and the death theme isn't there, which can be scary for children, and the girls like it.)
Oh yea, funny story...
Me watching video and reading blogs... I read Cecily's blog post from Monday. Not that exciting... It left me wanting more. I followed the link to the pictures of b*re*as*ts. Who doesn't like to see b*re*as*ts? We are all curious! Anyway, I started browsing and reading the stories about the Uncovered Project. It was interesting. MWH came home and I showed him the b*re*as*ts. He was good with the b*re*as*ts thing. Heh. Then I shut my computer and left it downstairs while he stayed with the girls and the Internet Guy and I went up to cook dinner.
When the Internet Guy was ready to configure the Internet for us, MWH grabbed my computer. He opened it and there were the b*re*as*ts. Heh. We don't know if the Internet Guy saw them or not. MWH shut the page quickly. Poor MWH. I set him up..... I didn't mean to. He and I both think it's pretty funny. (I probably think it's a bit funnier than he does though since I wasn't the one who was embarrassed.)
I have no problem with b*re*as*ts, looking at them, showing pictures of them to someone else, or in even showing mine... The problem I have is b*re*as*ts are taboo in our society.* I don't show mine to other people (even nursing, I was amazingly discreet!) because I don't like to make other people uncomfortable.
I'm guessing the Internet Installer Guy was okay with seeing the b*re*as*ts if he saw them. What do you think?
Any embarrassing or funny stories for me? If they involve b*re*as*ts or not, please share! I need distraction!
*I only spell it out with asterisks because I don't want people coming here looking for pictures and being disappointed.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Untitled 4
I am exhausted. Tonight, K (3.5) kept telling me, "You look exhausted, Mommy." Yup, thanks. There's more coming at you about today later, but I'm too tired. You'd be tired too if you'd spent most of the days in tears. I am such a mess.
I can't believe my friend is gone. She's gone. How could this be possible? She's supposed to be reading my blog and we're supposed to be finding time to get together.... And complaining about some of the work we have to do, and ... YOU KNOW... REGULAR STUFF. This is just not right.
Today, I went to the doctor. It was just the annual check-up. In the last year, I have "officially" lost 7 pounds (without dieting!). It was great seeing my doctor. She was very sweet. She talked with me about a friend she lost, in a manner similar to the situation I have just experienced. She said two years later, for her, it's still hard. She talked with me about some other things. She asked me if I was going to be 39 on my next birthday. I looked at her stunned and said, "Good grief, I hope I'm not going to be that old, let me do some math." After some very difficult calculations, it turns out I AM going to be that old. How did this happen???? Thirty-nine sounds significantly older to me than 38. Why is that? It's interesting, I found turning 29 much harder than turning 30 was. Now, 39 sounds very old to me. Maybe 40 won't be too bad.
Given this aging thing, and my quest to get past my mere mortal status, I have a new idol....Jack. He is very amazing. Because of him, I'm making it a goal to work out more, lift more weights, and eat better. I'll write more about Jack later. Tired now.
(4 topics for Untitled 4)
I can't believe my friend is gone. She's gone. How could this be possible? She's supposed to be reading my blog and we're supposed to be finding time to get together.... And complaining about some of the work we have to do, and ... YOU KNOW... REGULAR STUFF. This is just not right.
Today, I went to the doctor. It was just the annual check-up. In the last year, I have "officially" lost 7 pounds (without dieting!). It was great seeing my doctor. She was very sweet. She talked with me about a friend she lost, in a manner similar to the situation I have just experienced. She said two years later, for her, it's still hard. She talked with me about some other things. She asked me if I was going to be 39 on my next birthday. I looked at her stunned and said, "Good grief, I hope I'm not going to be that old, let me do some math." After some very difficult calculations, it turns out I AM going to be that old. How did this happen???? Thirty-nine sounds significantly older to me than 38. Why is that? It's interesting, I found turning 29 much harder than turning 30 was. Now, 39 sounds very old to me. Maybe 40 won't be too bad.
Given this aging thing, and my quest to get past my mere mortal status, I have a new idol....Jack. He is very amazing. Because of him, I'm making it a goal to work out more, lift more weights, and eat better. I'll write more about Jack later. Tired now.
(4 topics for Untitled 4)
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Cough.... Sneeze... Sniffle.......
Guess what N (5.75) brought home from school?
Yup, cold #1 of the fall.
Yup, cold #1 of the fall.
Email update
I found her email in my email... I didn't dream it. Whew! I thought I was losing it. It had gotten routed to my trashcan, because my client thought it was junk, and I'm guessing that is why I saw it momentarily on the blackberry, and then it disappeared. I understand what happened, but don't feel like writing it all out, so trust me, it was logical and not a Twilight Zone thing. Last night, I was tired. This morning I was tired... That's why it seemed twilight-zoney.
I'm trying to keep it together and do really good work, and teach my class well, and be a good mom and wife, but I am overwhelmed. Life is hard. When I'm feeling sorry for myself, like this, I think about my friend and how she'd be glad to be here being overwhelmed. And then I cry.
I don't know how long I'm supposed to feel like this. Everyone keeps telling me it will take a long time. I am not the most patient person. I am fairly patient when I know how long things are supposed to take, but not good when I am in an uncertain situation. I guess I'm normal.
I'm trying to keep it together and do really good work, and teach my class well, and be a good mom and wife, but I am overwhelmed. Life is hard. When I'm feeling sorry for myself, like this, I think about my friend and how she'd be glad to be here being overwhelmed. And then I cry.
I don't know how long I'm supposed to feel like this. Everyone keeps telling me it will take a long time. I am not the most patient person. I am fairly patient when I know how long things are supposed to take, but not good when I am in an uncertain situation. I guess I'm normal.
This is driving me crazy...
Last night, I set the alarm clock on my crackberry... It's how I wake up every morning. After the alarm goes off in the morning, I usually turn it off and check email ... Remember, I am a geek!
As I was setting the alarm, I checked email. I read an email from a student who is annoying and whiny (all the time not just in the email, but she was in fine-form in the email--I believe she accused me of ruining her life, or close to it). She wanted me to review something she'd sent me at 10 pm Monday. It was 11:30 pm Tuesday. I hadn't yet gotten to it. I had read it, but I really wasn't sure what to say to her. She's difficult to communicate via email (she freaks out if I say anything that is remotely critical, even if it's constructive), and I had decided earlier it would be easier to talk with her in class today.
After I got the (annoying) email at 11:30, I decided I'd go ahead and reply. I put the crackberry down and got on the computer. I checked email and the message from her wasn't there. I went back to the crackberry and it wasn't there. I checked email through the web interface instead of through my email client. Nope, nada. I searched and searched... Nowhere to be found....
I went ahead and replied to the email she'd sent the day before, and gave her some feedback. But what happened to the annoying email????
Did I dream the email? Did a higher power delete it because it was so annoying and whiny? Was there a terrible technical flux? What do you think happened? Help me here... Or tell me your unsolved email mysteries.
(Play twilight zone music....)
As I was setting the alarm, I checked email. I read an email from a student who is annoying and whiny (all the time not just in the email, but she was in fine-form in the email--I believe she accused me of ruining her life, or close to it). She wanted me to review something she'd sent me at 10 pm Monday. It was 11:30 pm Tuesday. I hadn't yet gotten to it. I had read it, but I really wasn't sure what to say to her. She's difficult to communicate via email (she freaks out if I say anything that is remotely critical, even if it's constructive), and I had decided earlier it would be easier to talk with her in class today.
After I got the (annoying) email at 11:30, I decided I'd go ahead and reply. I put the crackberry down and got on the computer. I checked email and the message from her wasn't there. I went back to the crackberry and it wasn't there. I checked email through the web interface instead of through my email client. Nope, nada. I searched and searched... Nowhere to be found....
I went ahead and replied to the email she'd sent the day before, and gave her some feedback. But what happened to the annoying email????
Did I dream the email? Did a higher power delete it because it was so annoying and whiny? Was there a terrible technical flux? What do you think happened? Help me here... Or tell me your unsolved email mysteries.
(Play twilight zone music....)
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Untitled 3
Yesterday, I was in an 8 hour intense workshop for work. 8 hours of non-stop thinking. Whoa. 4 statistical techniques were discussed. My brain hurt a little last night. Now, I feel good because one protective factor against Alzheimer's Disease is to stay mentally active. I was very mentally active yesterday. It was fun (in a sick, demented, academic way). Heh.
N3nny is great. The girls love her. They seem happier with her than they were with MP (at the end). MP was bringing us down. MWH and I both are happier with N3nny. It was a big pain, but we are glad the switch is done. The unfortunate thing is how MP was dishonest with us. Two days before she walked out, she was pledging her undying love and devotion to our family. This memory bothers me a great deal. How could she have been so dishonest. How could I have believed her? I guess I believed her because I say what I mean. I'd never say I wanted to make something work if I didn't truly mean it.
Maint Req'd is what my car dashboard is telling me. I'm sure it just means it's time to go in for th 60K check-up. I have no idea when I'm going to find time to drop off my car. Everytime I see the little light on the dashboard I think of my friend. I wish she'd had a little warning light on her forehead to let us know something was wrong. Sigh.
(I must end this post now since I have 3 topics. Untitled 3 is now the third untitled post and has 3 topics in it. I like the three theme. This, in parentheses, does not count as a topic.)
N3nny is great. The girls love her. They seem happier with her than they were with MP (at the end). MP was bringing us down. MWH and I both are happier with N3nny. It was a big pain, but we are glad the switch is done. The unfortunate thing is how MP was dishonest with us. Two days before she walked out, she was pledging her undying love and devotion to our family. This memory bothers me a great deal. How could she have been so dishonest. How could I have believed her? I guess I believed her because I say what I mean. I'd never say I wanted to make something work if I didn't truly mean it.
Maint Req'd is what my car dashboard is telling me. I'm sure it just means it's time to go in for th 60K check-up. I have no idea when I'm going to find time to drop off my car. Everytime I see the little light on the dashboard I think of my friend. I wish she'd had a little warning light on her forehead to let us know something was wrong. Sigh.
(I must end this post now since I have 3 topics. Untitled 3 is now the third untitled post and has 3 topics in it. I like the three theme. This, in parentheses, does not count as a topic.)
Monday, November 05, 2007
change agent
Last year, at work, the date our insurance benefits changes were due were difficult impossible to find on the human resources web site. I literally spent 1/2 hour (or more) digging for them before giving up and emailing to ask what the date was and where I could find it. They replied with the date and said, "We can't put the date on the web site because it changes each year and it's too hard to change the web site." After silently cursing them for having a difficult procedure which shouldn't be difficult, I nicely suggested they put the date on the calendar which is theoretically easy to change and will still help people.
Voila. This year, the dates are on the calendar!
Voila. This year, the dates are on the calendar!
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Time change 2007
Every year, I really don't like this day. You can read more about why at that post. The little girls will go
This morning, I woke up at 7:30, but it was actually 6:30 given the time change. I got a couple of hours of work done before the little girls woke up, but then by noon (1 pm for my body), I was exhausted.
Today is probably even more tired because yesterday was a very emotionally draining day. We went to the services for my friend. I am still in disbelief that she is dead.
Someday I'll be cheerier. In the meantime, the other blog has more cute little girl stories and pictures. Leave me a comment or email me if you want to see it and don't know the URL.
This morning, I woke up at 7:30, but it was actually 6:30 given the time change. I got a couple of hours of work done before the little girls woke up, but then by noon (1 pm for my body), I was exhausted.
Today is probably even more tired because yesterday was a very emotionally draining day. We went to the services for my friend. I am still in disbelief that she is dead.
Someday I'll be cheerier. In the meantime, the other blog has more cute little girl stories and pictures. Leave me a comment or email me if you want to see it and don't know the URL.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Groove
This fall hasn't been necessarily easy. Having N start kindergarten was exciting, but a bigger adjustment than I was expecting. Having MP walk out was difficult. Losing my friend is the hardest. All I ever wanted was to have a schedule and to get into a groove. Apparently, I am asking for too much.
It's not been all gloom this week. My friend would have wanted me to have fun and remember the good things too. She would say, "C'mon JK, stop mourning me already." She was very practical. I miss her. I will keep mourning her, but I will also make sure I enjoy life--she'd want me to be happy.
1. Halloween. The girls loved trick-or-treating! T (2) was really good. She'd say TRICK-OR-TREAT in a nice loud voice, and then thank you (unprompted) when she got the candy!
We hung with our neighbors on Sunday and carved pumpkins. On the night of Halloween, we had them over for pizza and went trick-or-treating with them. Very nice. I'm hoping we can make this a tradition!
2. Jake. Except for when he cried all night and contributed to my inability to sleep. The good thing... I learned I want a lab-mix, not a full-lab when we get a dog. (I'd always ranked black labrador high on the list... Jake caused the ranking to go down a bit. He had so. much. energy.)
3. N3nny. She is a trooper and really, really sweet. Can you imagine having to put up with me this week? Really, I'm not bad, but just not motivated and very sad.
4. The girls. K's(3.5) got a boyfriend... She got dressed up for him, and then he wasn't in class today. She's been in a serious funk all day today. T (2) has one too... Only the boy has the thing for T. T could take him or leave him. (See #6 about N!)
5. Gymnastics. I just love going with the girls! K (3.5) wouldn't do class because her boyfriend wasn't there. She sat and watched. The teacher had to deal with her funk. (I'm so glad I didn't!)
6. Tooth fairy. She will be coming again tonight! N (5.75) lost her second tooth today! This is fun!
7. New project. At work, I'll be doing some fun, new stuff. I get to work with a friend I haven't worked with for a year (or so). She's smart and funny. I was in her office on Thursday and she said the f-word (doesn't offend me) more times than I could count. It was fun to be in her office again.
8. Fruit shakes with peas in them. K (3.5) has been very resistant to vegetables lately. I haven't gotten her to eat peas forever. Tonight, shhhhh, she's drinking some!
9. My A*%. My friend told me my a*% looked small in the jeans I was wearing. I could have kissed her. Heh.
10. Pregnant. No, not me!!!!!!!! A good friend is pregnant!!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!!!! It's the circle of life.
It's not been all gloom this week. My friend would have wanted me to have fun and remember the good things too. She would say, "C'mon JK, stop mourning me already." She was very practical. I miss her. I will keep mourning her, but I will also make sure I enjoy life--she'd want me to be happy.
1. Halloween. The girls loved trick-or-treating! T (2) was really good. She'd say TRICK-OR-TREAT in a nice loud voice, and then thank you (unprompted) when she got the candy!
We hung with our neighbors on Sunday and carved pumpkins. On the night of Halloween, we had them over for pizza and went trick-or-treating with them. Very nice. I'm hoping we can make this a tradition!
2. Jake. Except for when he cried all night and contributed to my inability to sleep. The good thing... I learned I want a lab-mix, not a full-lab when we get a dog. (I'd always ranked black labrador high on the list... Jake caused the ranking to go down a bit. He had so. much. energy.)
3. N3nny. She is a trooper and really, really sweet. Can you imagine having to put up with me this week? Really, I'm not bad, but just not motivated and very sad.
4. The girls. K's(3.5) got a boyfriend... She got dressed up for him, and then he wasn't in class today. She's been in a serious funk all day today. T (2) has one too... Only the boy has the thing for T. T could take him or leave him. (See #6 about N!)
5. Gymnastics. I just love going with the girls! K (3.5) wouldn't do class because her boyfriend wasn't there. She sat and watched. The teacher had to deal with her funk. (I'm so glad I didn't!)
6. Tooth fairy. She will be coming again tonight! N (5.75) lost her second tooth today! This is fun!
7. New project. At work, I'll be doing some fun, new stuff. I get to work with a friend I haven't worked with for a year (or so). She's smart and funny. I was in her office on Thursday and she said the f-word (doesn't offend me) more times than I could count. It was fun to be in her office again.
8. Fruit shakes with peas in them. K (3.5) has been very resistant to vegetables lately. I haven't gotten her to eat peas forever. Tonight, shhhhh, she's drinking some!
9. My A*%. My friend told me my a*% looked small in the jeans I was wearing. I could have kissed her. Heh.
10. Pregnant. No, not me!!!!!!!! A good friend is pregnant!!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!!!! It's the circle of life.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
How?
How can she be gone? I spent tonight looking through photos to contribute to a memory book for her daughter. It is absolutely impossible for me to believe she is gone. The last pictures I have of her were taken July 19 and August 18. She looks so good. How could she be 2 and 3 months away from dying? HOW?
I am not sure if I saw her after 8/18. I know we got together and took the girls swimming one day after the 4th of July, but I can't remember if it was before or after 8/18. It seems important to know the last day I saw her.
The last time I spoke to her was 10/15. She collapsed ten days later. We usually spoke on the phone once to a couple of times a week, but we both understood if the other was busy. She was very busy. So was I. She had a big work event. I knew we'd talk after it. She had some things she wanted to discuss. We just knew there'd be time later to hang and chat.
Sigh.
We had a good last phone conversation. She had told me someone in [large city near by] was looking for someone with my background to teach a class. I said, [large city near by] was too far for me. I said, "What'd I'd really like to do is teach a class with you at [private university]." She thought it would be fun. I have no doubt, if she'd lived, we'd be scheming on how to make it happen, and that it would.
How is it possible she is gone?
I am not sure if I saw her after 8/18. I know we got together and took the girls swimming one day after the 4th of July, but I can't remember if it was before or after 8/18. It seems important to know the last day I saw her.
The last time I spoke to her was 10/15. She collapsed ten days later. We usually spoke on the phone once to a couple of times a week, but we both understood if the other was busy. She was very busy. So was I. She had a big work event. I knew we'd talk after it. She had some things she wanted to discuss. We just knew there'd be time later to hang and chat.
Sigh.
We had a good last phone conversation. She had told me someone in [large city near by] was looking for someone with my background to teach a class. I said, [large city near by] was too far for me. I said, "What'd I'd really like to do is teach a class with you at [private university]." She thought it would be fun. I have no doubt, if she'd lived, we'd be scheming on how to make it happen, and that it would.
How is it possible she is gone?
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Sense-making
My friend is gone. I am trying desperately to give meaning to this horrible, horrible loss. I am overwhelmed. I have lost all efficiency. I am struggling. I am usually a very rational, fairly efficient, passionate person. I am not sure what or who I am now.
Part of what's really hard is this person, who is now gone, was one of the people I used as a sounding-board for understanding my identity. She is gone now. I don't have her perspective any more. I knew her well enough to know how she thought, and what she would say, but it was nice having her confirm it in our conversations. Now, unfortunately, I won't have her reinforcing my understanding of how she thought anymore. I will have to guess what she would say.... I will have to guess what the answer is. Over time, my guesses will probably deviate from what she would have said.
I am very, very sad. We lost a very special person.
I don't blog about other people very much on the blog. I don't feel it's my place to tell their stories. If you look in my "friend" category, she appeared a great deal. This card was from her. She was very special to me.
I miss her.
(To learn about the title see this entry.)
Part of what's really hard is this person, who is now gone, was one of the people I used as a sounding-board for understanding my identity. She is gone now. I don't have her perspective any more. I knew her well enough to know how she thought, and what she would say, but it was nice having her confirm it in our conversations. Now, unfortunately, I won't have her reinforcing my understanding of how she thought anymore. I will have to guess what she would say.... I will have to guess what the answer is. Over time, my guesses will probably deviate from what she would have said.
I am very, very sad. We lost a very special person.
I don't blog about other people very much on the blog. I don't feel it's my place to tell their stories. If you look in my "friend" category, she appeared a great deal. This card was from her. She was very special to me.
I miss her.
(To learn about the title see this entry.)
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