How?

How can she be gone? I spent tonight looking through photos to contribute to a memory book for her daughter. It is absolutely impossible for me to believe she is gone. The last pictures I have of her were taken July 19 and August 18. She looks so good. How could she be 2 and 3 months away from dying? HOW?

I am not sure if I saw her after 8/18. I know we got together and took the girls swimming one day after the 4th of July, but I can't remember if it was before or after 8/18. It seems important to know the last day I saw her.

The last time I spoke to her was 10/15. She collapsed ten days later. We usually spoke on the phone once to a couple of times a week, but we both understood if the other was busy. She was very busy. So was I. She had a big work event. I knew we'd talk after it. She had some things she wanted to discuss. We just knew there'd be time later to hang and chat.

Sigh.

We had a good last phone conversation. She had told me someone in [large city near by] was looking for someone with my background to teach a class. I said, [large city near by] was too far for me. I said, "What'd I'd really like to do is teach a class with you at [private university]." She thought it would be fun. I have no doubt, if she'd lived, we'd be scheming on how to make it happen, and that it would.

How is it possible she is gone?