8 pounds

I have 8 pounds of term papers to grade. An initial glance gives me a lot of encouragement! I am going into this process excited. I'll share more as the grading progresses.

and now...

Now for something entirely different.

2132

That's how many posts I've started writing (this one included, and not counting any I've actually DELETED, though I usually just abandon an attempt rather than delete). I haven't published all of 2132, but I think I have published a lot. I think I like the blog. I am having a hard time blogging right now. I'm making a last BIG push on my class. I'm giving it almost all of my attention. The little girls are getting more of me too. I'm sure this summer I'll be back and more bloggy than ever!

I'll have a "cuteness" post up at the other blog soon. If you don't have access to the other blog and want access to it, it's getting most of the posts that would go in this category, this category, this category, and this category just to name a few. Leave me a comment and your email if you want to have access. You do have to promise not to reveal this blog though.

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Speaking of the class.... One of my students didn't make it through the term paper.... The sudent emailed me this morning to tell me s/he wasn't getting it in today and then asked if I could send an outline of exactly what s/he needed to do for the term paper. I told the person if they had an outline I'd be happy to look it over, but a good time to have asked for help would have been a month ago when we had our one-on-one conference.

In our conference, the person exuded confidence and led me to believe things were good. The person didn't turn in a draft of the paper last week and emailed that s/he was having problems. I replied and suggested s/he should come by for help. S/he didn't. I can't help him/her. It takes a little effort.... Two to tango... all of that.

Speaking of tango-ing ... I must go to my work out class soon. I am sad. My friend isn't going to be in class tonight. It's not nearly as much fun when she's gone. She is with her Mom as her Mom recovers from surgery. Lots of good thoughts to her and her Mom!

LOL

I am laughing out loud because ...

MWH just came in the bedroom eating something. I ask, "Whatcha eating?" (I'm a little hungry.) He looks kind of, sheepish... he replies, "Ummmm...my little pony candies.*"


HEH!

*They are little gummy/chewy candies.

Yelling...

If you are a 6-year-old girl, and you find a toy outside in the "outside" toy box, and you want to bring it inside, and you haven't actually played with it for 2-3 years, and your Mom tells you, "No, it's an outside toy." and you cry for 10 minutes about how sad you are because you can't bring it in, do not act surprised when your Mom starts to yell because your crying is annoying... I'm just saying.


N has a sick attachment to toys. She recently cried for HOURS (like 4) when she lost a dinosaur made out of a sponge at the park. We went back to the park to look for it and couldn't find it and she KEPT crying for two more hours.... GOOD GRIEF.

Who knows

Who knows what this post will be... I have lots to document, but I'm not even sure what comes first or what I want to say.

1. N (6) and K (almost 4!!!) were both very responsible today. N remembered all the stuff she needed to take to school today for the big event they had and K remembered to get her "sharing" together to take to school.

2. I am not even sure what to do about the preschool issue for K. I don't want to go to another school. I don't want to switch. We had a routine. I can't believe we didn't get in to the school. I am in denial.... There's another campus a few minutes away and I should look into it. I should get on the waiting list there too.... I am so annoyed! Arrggh!

3. The unbloggable thing is now public knowledge. My supervisor of 10 years is leaving where we work. This was very hard for me (and my other close colleague), but I am thrilled for him (so is my colleague). Nothing is really changing for me....Well, nothing except one of the people I've worked very close to for 10 years is leaving, but it's not me. I'm sure that things will be very different for me in 6 months to 1 year, but at the moment, I can't think about that. Can't. Go. There. It will be okay. I will find something interesting to do.

I'm kind of in a funk because I had lunch with a person who was a close friend of my friend who died. It was good to remember her, but hard too. Maybe I ought to pack up the little girls and go do something fun. They are always up for an adventure!

Working hard

My students are working hard. I think I posted how I wasn't going to teach next semester. If I were going to teach next semester, I think I could potentially make more progress with another group of students again. I have continued to learn about supporting students and doing this teaching thing with _________ better.

If I were sticking around, I'd really encourage the department to make the writing course a pre-requisite for the class. I'd really work on getting a slightly different focus in the class, and I'd..... but I'm tired. I'm going to take some time to get my head back into my research and figure out what the next crazy thing is--and if there is a next crazy thing. I should be with my family and see my friends more and NOT be crazy. I have a friend who is inspiring me to relax a little. (Hi PS!)

Back to the class...my students are tired too. This semester, it's been good. My wise friend Ruth cautioned me about talking about my students as if they were one, but I think I can safely say they are ALL tired. I do think we will all (or almost all) feel good at the end though--you know, the satisfaction with a job done well.

One of my students asked if I was going to be at graduation today.... and then seemed genuinely disappointed when I said I wouldn't be. I took it as a positive sign.

No Food

Our cupboards were bare because, well because of several reasons, but mostly because the end of the semester is BUSY. At 5:30 the little girls were hungry and I had no food and no ideas. MWH was due home at 7 and that seemed like an eternity so I packed the little girls up and we went to J*amb*a Juice for dinner. Strawberry Jamba and cheese puffs.... There are worse things for dinner. We had fun!

K (3.9) drank her drink quickly and was cold. She got goosebumps. Tonight was the first time she's notice goosebumps and it was hilarious. Then I got goosebumps 'cause I was cold. Then N (6) tried blowing on her arm so that she could have goosebumps.... They make me laugh.

bleh

It's the time of the semester when everyone feels incompetent and overwhelmed. Sigh. If you feel either, leave me a comment... misery loves company!

End of the semester blues...

Only a few more classes... Less than 10! I'm tired. Students are writing papers. I think they're making progress, but I'm also caught in some of their angst... Some of them procrastinated (3)... Some of them aren't in good shape (3 others). Is it my problem, NO, but am I worried, yes. (Actually, I think one of them will pull off a good paper!) Do I know they most likely won't be able to write a good paper, YES.

Okay.... enough of that now. Ending the post to save EVERYONE from more whining/complaining.

FAST

My new computer is so fast! I LOVE it!

I am almost done with grading papers... Now I just need to pull a lecture out of thin air. (Guess who's getting up really early tomorrow?)

You know you're a Mom when...

1. You're planning summer activities in the local park board book and using a green crayon.
2. You walk into a restaurant and hear other kids screaming and you think, "Ahhh... they aren't MY kids!"

Heh.

Different?

Notice anything different?


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I"m blogging from my new MacBook! It's the 15-inch. When my friend, C, got his at work he said, "It's so good, it's making me want to be a better person." I do love mine. I'm really excited because I have a built-in video camera! My old computer came out *right* before they started putting the video cameras in the computers.

Okay, more soon. Must go grade. I have 10 out of 18 papers done*. I estimate 20-30 minutes per paper so that is still 4 hours of work. Okay... Not bad....A minimum of four today... two now, two tonight and four tomorrow. I can do it. (I'd like to get all eight done today, but I'll be thrilled with 6!) I have a paper I'm working on writing too and a lecture to fix. Next 36 hours are going to be busy!

It's a good thing I got a new computer so I can work FASTER! (Nah, it won't distract me or anything.)


*Several students are LATE.

Things I want to blog ...

1. Our NewKitty (BB) is great. He's a klutz though! I've never seen a kitty fall and land on his back, but BB managed to do it. BB is eating great and filling out a little. He was kind of scrawny when we got him. He's bonded to N (6) and misses her when she's not home. He loves the little girls and lets them all (including T-2.6) pick him up and carry him around the house. He runs and spazes out and goes slip-sliding on our wood floors. He's such a spaz! He can't stop playing ever! When he wants to sniff something interesting, he SNORTS. I can't believe what a silly boy he is. He hardly acts like a cat.

2. A husband who shan't be named woke me up at 7 am doing this. He went back to sleep and I didn't. This gave me time to talk to my friend on IM, and I'm glad I got the chance. She has a lot going on in her life and I'm totally thinking about her! (She reads my blog too so, there you go. I'm totally thinking of you! No initials on this one even.)

3. When I started this blog, I was totally anonymous. Now a handful of friends know about this blog. I haven't told my family or MWH's family about the blog, nor do I intend to tell them. I started a second family blog, complete with pictures and names because I wanted this space for ME. I do have plans to change this blog a little, and perhaps even switch to a new name for the blog, but it's not quite time yet.

4. I'm feeling a little bad about not teaching this fall, but I need to take a bit of time for me. What a concept. I NEVER do this. MWH is really encouraging me to do it though and for his sake, and the girls' sake, I am doing it. What makes me feel bad is that I feel like I'm letting people at [local state] university down, but the thing is, they don't care.... That makes me feel bad too... that no one actually cares about the things I'm doing. Oh well. This semester, I do have at least 5-6 students who do appreciate me and my efforts. Last semester I know I had 2-3.

5. Preschool for K. Remember this? We still don't know anything. The school says not to panic until July. I am starting to ask around to other Moms for recommendations for other places and have gotten some ideas. I am NOT pleased with our current preschool and their admission policy--apparently part of the problem is they have more spots for 1/2 day preschool Y1 than they do for 1/2 day preschool Y2. This makes NO sense to me. Apparently they expect people to go into full-day for Y2. I don't want to go into full-day. I don't even want to do full-day Kindergarten. Anyway, I am NOT happy, but trying to figure out what will work as an alternative.

6. Gotta go grade some papers. More soon.

doubly

I bought some pants back in November. They didn't fit and I forgot to take them back. I took them back today and the store still accepted them (despite having a 90 return policy!). I didn't know if they would take them back and when they did, at full price, they were even nore expensive than I'd remembered, I was doubly excited!

N (6.25) is worried because she didn't eat breakfast today. (She still says Brefkasct... one of the few words she misprounounces.) N worries A LOT. N is like my mother. N worries probably twice as much as me and she's only a kid!

My friend who had a miscarriage is pregnant now. She has twins in there! Two heartbeats at 6 weeks!

I may have given away the crib, cradle and pack-n-play all in one day today! I am excited to be giving away baby stuff. Sad, but excited.

Tomorrow morning, I will hang with T! Mommy and T (2.6) time! I had Mommy and K (3.9) time on Sunday. Mommy and N time on Monday--she went to my class. N was so sweet. She kept saying, "I like having time with just you and me." Awwww.

I should go see if Miss T is sleeping or not. She NEEDS a nap, but she hadn't fallen asleep yet. I don't think she's asleep. I think I hear her talking.....

anticipation

It's hard to tell someone something they don't want to hear. I have to tell the department where I teach that I can't teach in the fall. I like teaching, but I have an exciting project I need to finish at my job. I explored teaching to see if I potentially wanted to change careers. I don't think I do. I think teaching and researching are both important to me, but I am more of a researcher than I realized. I have a colleague who also doesn't know whether she's a teacher or a researcher either,* and she struggles too. I should probably email her. She's always so comforting.

Teaching where I've been teaching is hard. Working where I work is also hard, but maybe I can find some balance--I've worked to insulate myself a bit at work. We also have a change occurring and we'll see how that goes.** I plan to teach again, but not for a while. My hope is I can work with two instructors I've met in the last year and do things with them. It won't be MY class so I won't get to determine the changes, but it will probably be good to have someone temper my enthusiasm.*** I hope I can work through the other instructors and still affect change.... It will be a whole different experience and it could be more or less frustrating, but it will be voluntary and I won't be obligated. I think it will be easier to walk away....


*MR if you're my colleague and curious.
**More soon.
***I tend to get really enthusiastic about things, and most likely, I scare some of my students. I don't mean to, and I am doing a better job of providing more support to them, but I am enthusiastic. I think this semester is going much better than last semester. It feels like it. I am seeing indicators that it is. Yesterday, one of my poorest performing students asked a question. I was THRILLED!

Tuesday

Again, my weight was 3 pounds more on Sunday than on Tuesday! Crazy. I definitely like the Tuesday weight better. It stays down until Friday and then creeps up. I am now documenting it. However, yesterday, N3nny made the best brownies I have ever tasted in my LIFE. The scale was NOT good today. (I know I didn't consume 3 pounds of brownies... HOW DOES THIS WEIGHT THING WORK????)

My 2 minutes a day is working. I have done weights everyday... just a little. I will work towards increasing the amount of time. One day, I got carried away and did 8 minutes! I am alternating upper body and lower body stuff so I'm not doing the same thing everyday. I need to start doing my 5 minutes "target" workouts (I have a DVD). Maybe someday, I'll do a review of the exercise DVDs I like.

What else? I told some of the people at [local state] University I won't be teaching in the fall. I will re-tell everyone again in a couple of weeks. I want to teach again, but I am tired. Maybe in a few years. The original plan was to wait to teach until all the girls were in school. I should go back to that. Maybe I will teach at [local private] University.

As soon as school ends, I will turn my attention to working on this very fun project with my bestest colleague... I hope it all works timing-wise!

Re-check

Yesterday, I took T (2.6) for the re-check on her ear. It is almost all healed! Because there was blood in the way (a "big hematoma"), at the first appointment, we didn't know exactly what T had done to her ear. Looking yesterday, the ear specialist decided that T did puncture her ear drum after all. There's a teeny scab left on the side of the ear drum. The specialist said, the scab was "soft" and "small" and that these were good things. She said it should be completely gone in a couple more weeks. Okay! The good news is T can go swimming again.

T didn't want to go to the check-up. The other time, her ear had hurt. Then we had to do ear drops for 2 weeks. T was DONE with people poking and prodding her ears. As soon as we got to the doctor's office, Little T (aka Smart T) decided she would walk with her hands over her ears. The doctor's office is in a large medical complex. We had a long way to walk. It was hilarious and cute. She thought she was pretty clever. During the appointment, she was great and didn't even fight too much.

record

Today, K (3.9) went to a birthday party for a friend. I took her. It was a fun four-year-old party. (OH MY, I'm going to have a four-year-old again soon.) With N, four was a TOUGH year. Fortunately, N and K are different children and often do opposite things.

Anyway, the party was at a little fun restaurant in a chic little town near where we live. At the restaurant, there was a man who works where I work. He's actually a very famous person. He is an older gentleman and he has done many incredible things, but one of the things has impacted the lives of everyone who owns a computer. (Seriously.) I've always been in awe of his work. In our cafeteria, he often sits and eats alone. I've wanted to go talk with him, but I've never had the courage.

I was right behind him ordering and he turned around and I stammered.... "You're D____ _________." He looked pleased and confused. I chatted with him for a while and told him I worked where he worked, and more stuff...I talked about my favorite project of all time.... I did the "typical JK thing" of getting nervous and talking a lot. He told me next time I see him in the cafeteria to come over and say hi. I told him I will.

PS and Z, if you're reading, want to have lunch with him someday? I think he'd like it. I'm still a little giddy from the thrill of having talked with him. He's an amazingly nice guy.

More on Moods

Maybe mood swings would be a more appropriate title.

I'm all over the map today. I am really really really working on making my life a bit more sane. It's frustrating to me that it's not INSTANTLY sane. My life still feels insanely insane. I have hardly done anything productive lately*, but yet, I'm still overwhelmed. Transitions are tough. I really have nothing to whine about, and I don't mean to whine, but yet, I still am whining. Sorry about that. Thanks for putting up with me.

I'm going to go and work on relaxing a bit... (That's kind of pathetic, huh?)

Did I tell you about my dream last night? I dreamt I was drinking hot tea (something I do often). In my dream, I had consumed four cups of very strong tea and I was STILL TIRED. I think that sums up a lot about my current mental state, eh?

Maybe some time outside in the sun will help restore me.





*Okay, I have done quite a bit. I had one-on-one conferences with all but one of my students last week. I wrote up some methods I have been meaning to for a while. I covered two topics in class and the classes went well! I have introduced a new way of working to my students. I still have so much to do though--that's why I feel like I haven't done very much.

Moods

Snarl.

One minute, I'm on my way to coffee! By myself! Then to the grocery store. By myself!

Then I remember I have an appointment with my dentist...10 minutes ago.

Sigh. I remembered last night, and I thought I'd manage to remember, but gymnastics and all that goes with it*, distracted me. I'm going to have to figure out a better reminder system. I used to have one that worked, but it doesn't any more. I have too much to do**.

I am a loser. Now I sit waiting to see if my dentist can squeeze me in. It's an appointment to get a new retainer. Oh, the irony. I need the retainer because I am stressed. Now I am more stressed.

*Gymnastics was fun today. K (3.9) did great.

**I have cut back and I'm still overwhelmed.
Sent via my BlackBerry

Health kick

Apparently, I'm on a health kick here.

This stuff (the veri veri teriyaki sauce) + broccoli + onion cut up + olive oil + stir fried = YUMMY


I cook the onion and broccoli very well and then pour on some soy vay (maybe 2-3 tablespoons?). I can eat a whole bag of broccoli like this. Seriously. 16 ounces of frozen broccoli in one sitting.

I usually serve it on a Whole Spelt Tortilla.

Tip, don't skimp on the olive oil. It's a good oil and it makes it all tastier. Besides, a bag of broccoli only has about 7 calories total.


See the Soy Vay site.

so sad

My dear friend is down with her husband with his very sick mother. It's heart wrenching to read the updates from my friend. I'm thinking about her (her husband and his mother) all the time. It's part of life, but definitely no fun. I wish there was more I could do, but all I can do is think good thoughts and hope that his mother isn't in pain for too much longer.

2 minutes

I love to exercise. I truly do. I am working on getting more time in my life and I am imagining I will be devoting some of my new found time to more exercise. I think it's the best thing a person can do for themselves. I think eating well is also important, but exercise may actually be my top choice for the healthiest thing a person can do for themselves. Feel free to post a differing opinion. I'm curious as to what you think.

Anyway, I am trying to get myself to do more weights. It's one of my goals for the year. I was hoping to do 5-10 minutes a day, but I have to confess, I haven't done this yet this year. I have decided I need to make myself do just two minutes of weights a day... TWO MINUTES... that's nothing. Two minutes often leads to three minutes.... and then 3 will lead to 4 and etc. I just did my 2 minutes (actually closer to three, but who's counting).

Go me! I am going to make myself do 2 minutes before I post a blog entry. I think that will be the incentive I need. (Yes, I have to bribe myself sometimes.) Any one want to join me and make your own two minute challenge? Make yourself _________ (you fill in the blank) for at least two minutes before you do something you like to do?

Know when to walk away...

Today, at Target, I went looking for a new toothbrush for T (2.5). She has a Thomas the Tank Engine one, but the bristles are very chewed. (Santa brought her the toothbrush, and I think he bought it at Target.)

Anyway, I found a Thomas one there, but it was a bit different, it played music. I don't really think one needs a musical soundtrack while brushing one's teeth. I looked and they didn't have any without music. I pushed the button to see if it was annoying. It started off okay, but then it played ON AND ON.... I walked away. I heard it play for about another 3-4 minutes. It was STILL playing when I left that area of the store.

Sometimes, you gotta know when to walk away!

Weird

Coffee tastes really weird to me today! It has since Sunday. This does happen every once in a while. Usually a change to my coffee drink fixes it.

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My weight fluctuates a great deal. This is normal, right? It seems pretty related to the course of the week. Sunday is the day of the week I weigh the most. T-Th the least. I think it's related to my stress level. Which weight do I say is my "true weight?" Is it the lowest, or the highest? (I'm going with lowest. Heh!)

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Time goes way too quickly. I can't believe it's April!

Indicators

Sometimes, it's hard to determine a way to assess how things are going, or if things are changing. When it's difficult to directly measure change, you look for indicators of progress or change (if you can't directly measure the change).

For example, from one day to the next, it's hard to say if my stress level is going down. I still feel stressed, but an indicator that my stress level is going down is my retainer. I broke my retainer two weeks ago and it took me over a week and one-half to call the dentist. When I lost my retainer over Christmas break, I called the dentist IMMEDIATELY. That I "forgot" to call the dentist for so long shows that I'm not clenching my jaw as much, my teeth aren't annoying me as much, and therefore, my stress level is lower.

Another indicator is that I didn't complain about breaking my retainer here before now!



(If my teeth and retainer are interesting, read more about them here.

Another change that is hard to assess is whether it is getting "easier" with 3 little girls (TM) (heh!). One indicator that it is getting easier is that we spent 2 hours hanging out at the Children's Museum this weekend. In the past, it was too crazy to try to stay for more than 1.5 hours. I would start really worrying about losing the little girls--even with MWH there.

The little girls used to all want to do different things, they would go in three different directions, and it was HARD. This last visit to the museum, they played together (or in two groups and there were two adults, so that was fine), were engaged in activities, and not too "all over the place" for 2 hours. When we left, MWH and I were actually not too frazzled. Another indicator of positive improvement.

(Yea, I'm a geek.) What indicators do you use in your life to assess how things are going for you?

tired

Not even a capital t. I'm too tired for that. It's good though. Having fun.

We have our company. It's good--except when I got freaky about something (don't worry, I'll share soon). K (3.85) did pretty well at gymnastics... She is either 100% on or 100% off. We had yummy steak (the F kind!) for dinner.

More soon.

Only bloggable

You know how some things are "not bloggable?" The content below is the opposite. It's pretty much "only bloggable." Heh!

I like making this for dinner.












Note how the actual contents of the bag hardly resembles the picture on the front of the bag.









I always add a whole bag of broccoli and lots more red and yellow peppers.


I serve over brown rice because the white rice they include in the bag is VERY BAD!
The way it comes in the bag--NOT good. The way it is after my doctoring--very yummy!

Sitting on ice

I should have iced after my workout last night, but I forgot. Now, I'm in some pain. If I ice a lot and if I do lots of sit-ups, my back is not too bad. I haven't been doing enough of either lately. Must do sit-ups EVERY day. (Must remember.)

It's funny, I'm only a week and 1/2 into working less, and already I feel MORE busy and OVERWHELMED. (I haven't taken on anything new yet.) Once, a friend took six months off and she said, "I don't know how I ever found time to work." That's how I feel. I'll come back to this theme later.

The in-laws will be arriving sometime.... Could be today, could be tomorrow. If it were you, would you be bothered by not having "an arrival" time? I'm pretty good with going with the flow, but because of the anxiety around having the house clean, not knowing when they are going to arrive is hard.

Oh, BAD NEWS... Alfred isn't charging. I really dislike vacuuming. (Did I mention it hurts my back? Seriously. It makes my fragile back hurt.) Alfred has spoiled me. We've had him for 2 years. I don't know if it's the end, or what. I did drool over a new Roomba model at the store, the other day. Do you think Alfred felt like I was taking him forgranted? I still love you Alfred.