anticipation

It's hard to tell someone something they don't want to hear. I have to tell the department where I teach that I can't teach in the fall. I like teaching, but I have an exciting project I need to finish at my job. I explored teaching to see if I potentially wanted to change careers. I don't think I do. I think teaching and researching are both important to me, but I am more of a researcher than I realized. I have a colleague who also doesn't know whether she's a teacher or a researcher either,* and she struggles too. I should probably email her. She's always so comforting.

Teaching where I've been teaching is hard. Working where I work is also hard, but maybe I can find some balance--I've worked to insulate myself a bit at work. We also have a change occurring and we'll see how that goes.** I plan to teach again, but not for a while. My hope is I can work with two instructors I've met in the last year and do things with them. It won't be MY class so I won't get to determine the changes, but it will probably be good to have someone temper my enthusiasm.*** I hope I can work through the other instructors and still affect change.... It will be a whole different experience and it could be more or less frustrating, but it will be voluntary and I won't be obligated. I think it will be easier to walk away....


*MR if you're my colleague and curious.
**More soon.
***I tend to get really enthusiastic about things, and most likely, I scare some of my students. I don't mean to, and I am doing a better job of providing more support to them, but I am enthusiastic. I think this semester is going much better than last semester. It feels like it. I am seeing indicators that it is. Yesterday, one of my poorest performing students asked a question. I was THRILLED!