Sense-making

My friend is gone. I am trying desperately to give meaning to this horrible, horrible loss. I am overwhelmed. I have lost all efficiency. I am struggling. I am usually a very rational, fairly efficient, passionate person. I am not sure what or who I am now.

Part of what's really hard is this person, who is now gone, was one of the people I used as a sounding-board for understanding my identity. She is gone now. I don't have her perspective any more. I knew her well enough to know how she thought, and what she would say, but it was nice having her confirm it in our conversations. Now, unfortunately, I won't have her reinforcing my understanding of how she thought anymore. I will have to guess what she would say.... I will have to guess what the answer is. Over time, my guesses will probably deviate from what she would have said.

I am very, very sad. We lost a very special person.

I don't blog about other people very much on the blog. I don't feel it's my place to tell their stories. If you look in my "friend" category, she appeared a great deal. This card was from her. She was very special to me.

I miss her.



(To learn about the title see this entry.)

---

You crazy...

That's what T (2) told me on the way home from K's (3.5) halloween party.

You crazy, funny, crazy Mommy.

I took it as a compliment.

Home sweet home

Since I couldn't sleep last night, I thought about how I could find Jake's people. I was planning to take him to our vet today to check for an identification chip. As I thought about it, I realized our vet, ~3-4 miles away, didn't make as much sense as the vet about 1/2 a mile from our house. Jake eagerly jumped in my car, leaped from the back storage to the back seat and then to the front in a blur of motion. He also tried to sit in my lap and help drive. I am glad we were only going 1/2 a mile!

When we got to the vet, they did not find an identity chip. I asked if they could check their patient records to see if, by chance, he was a patient since we lived so close. There was a "Jake." The picture they had on file looked just like him. He lived very close to me-- street or two over from our house, separated by woodsy terrain. They asked if he was neutered. I said, I don't think so, he looks "intact." Match so far. They called, left a message, and a few moments later Jake's person called back and confirmed Jake was missing. She was excited he was okay.

A happy ending!

(N's not so happy. She really wanted him to be our dog. It's tough to be 5 and 3/4s.)

can't sleep

I don't know why, but this fall, I've had 3 "can't sleep" episodes. Maybe it's my class. Theoretically, it will be easier next semester.

Maybe I can't sleep because I keep thinking about my friend. She's on life-support, and while we'd still like that miracle, it would have to be a very large miracle. I'm not sure they make them as large as she needs.

Maybe I can't sleep because we have a big black lab in our backyard. No, we didn't get a dog. I found him... He was running in our street this morning. Our street is not a busy street, but he almost ran into a car this morning. I was worried about him. He's a sweet dog. He came bounding up to me and I couldn't just leave him. He's a big strong oaf of a dog, and he doesn't seem "street smart" at all. So far, we've put up a couple of "found dog" signs.

Today, I'll take him to the vet to see if he's got an identification chip. He can't sleep either. He's outside and he's been crying most of the night. I feel like I'm keeping him from his family. I am sure I am doing the right thing because I was really worried he'd get hit by a car if I'd left him running. He has a tag, and it says his name is "Jake," but the phone number on the tag has been disconnected. Sigh.

Okay... It's almost Halloween. I'm sure there will be pictures of cute little girls dressed up on the other blog soon.

I plan to keep blogging on two blogs, but I've been struggling to figure out how to do it. If you have any thoughts, let me know. If you don't read the other blog, but would like to, let me know. There's lots of picts and less of my whining over there. Heh.

No new news

The update today is no new news on my friend. At the moment, I'm taking my own advice and enjoying my family. There will be fun little girl updates on the other blog soon.

At this point...

At this point, I believe we need a miracle to help my friend. Keep her and her family in your thoughts. If I sound flip, it's only because I'm exhausted. I've cried a lot today. Pretty much everyone I know is doing a lot of crying and hoping for a miracle, but the odds are pretty astronomical.

I don't usually go to work on Fridays, and I didn't today, but I spoke to so many of my colleagues and we just cried on the phone. We are all clinging together. Rallying... Circling the wagons. We are all sorry. We are all stunned. We are all feeling just how fragile and precious life is. Go, hug your kids, your spouse, call your Mom and tell her you love her... Have dinner with your friend... Life is too short and unpredictable. Yea, I know... I'm totally cliché, but in this case, it's the only way.

life...

I checked email and learned that one of my dear friends is in the hospital, suddenly, with an unknown prognosis.

I can't believe it. She's young. She's smart. She's beautiful. She has a daughter one-month younger than K (almost 3.5). Please think good thoughts for her and her family.

Like a scientist...

N (5.75) just said, "I'm kind of like a scientist because I look at things and figure out what it means." I am proud. She often tells me how she uses evidence to understand different things.

so cool!

N (5.75) is making a book. She illustrates the story, and then she writes the story. She's been doing this for years (literally--since she was 3.75). I have 100s of books. I love it. She has learned so much by doing this. I am so proud of her. Today, she was sounding out a word and K (almost 3.5) helped sound it! It was really really cool.

File under Phonological Awareness in action!

Interview of me by Galloping Cats (Part 2)

3. If having enough time with the kids weren't an issue, would you have a different job? If yes, what would it be?

This is a very tough question. Earlier this year, I toyed around with the idea of leaving where I work, the lovely non-profit place, and heading to a big company doing very cool stuff.

I had a serendipitous encounter with a person at the big company, and, I was hopeful she would follow-up after our two-hour initial conversation. She never returned my emails. In the time between meeting her and getting rejected (ala no returned emails) I wondered if I could go to big company. The big company is famous for its very generous compensation, but is equally famous for the demands it makes on employees to put in very long hours.

It would have been very cool to work at that big company. If I were ten years younger, I would have pursued it and tried my darndest to make it happen. Now, it's not the right time for me to work long and crazy hours. Now I want to hang with the girls.

I guess the answer to the question of, if having enough time with the kids weren't an issue, would I have a different job, is, maybe. I KNOW I would work more if time wasn't an issue. I like the work I do. A new job I'd get wouldn't be significantly different than my current one. Maybe with a little more pay, but maybe not.

Right now and always, I love hanging with my girls and they are my top priority. At some point, they won't want to hang out with me, and I will work more. Work is very important, but if I were forced to make a choice, they would win. It's another post though about what I've learned about myself and what I think would happen to me if I stayed home and didn't work. (Remind me about that later!)


4. I find the 5:00 rush, when I'm trying to get out of the office and home to Gatito, to be the most challenging, stressful part of the day. What is the hardest part of the day for you?

The hardest part of the day is when I come home from work and all 3 girls want my attention at the same time. When I walk in the door, it is often the case that they all are screaming "MOM, LOOK AT ME."

I love them, but the transition from the quiet stress of work to the noisy stress of home makes me want to run out the door. It's a shock to my system. It takes me 5-10 minutes to make the transition back to Mom.

It works for me to come in to all the girls watching a video. I don't think there is anything wrong with television in moderation. When they are watching, or engaged in some task, it helps so much. It eases me back into the Mommy-role. It lets me get my stuff put down, maybe even change clothes, maybe go to the bathroom... All the crazy things that make life a little better.


5. If you got a whole day to yourself, with no work and no kids, what would you do?

We'll make sure to note "NO WORK" in the question. I really like to work and I do it a lot. It's hard for me to make myself NOT work. I would have to make sure I was somewhat caught up, or even ahead of schedule at work before I could take a whole day to myself....

Here's what I'd do. If MWH could take the day off, I'd be delighted! Who knows what we'd do, but we'd have a lot of fun hanging out together. He and I really like hanging out.

If MWH was busy with work and I couldn't find a friend to play, I'd go workout, eat at a fav restaurant while reading a good book, go shopping for the perfect pair of jeans, and be amazed at how quickly 8 hours can go!

If a friend was available to play, we'd go get pedicures, eat lunch, and probably do a little shopping... maybe get some more black shoes ... Heh!

Priceless

Your 3-year-old and 2-year-old want to play ring-around-the-rosie. Then your 3-year-old tells your 2-year-old she has slimey hands. Then the 3-year-old explains how to get rid of slimey hands. The 3-year-old explains how it's not good to rub slimey hands on pjs.

Feeling better....

Last week was hard. N3nny had started, but still had some things of her own to finish, and she couldn't work the whole week. I was exhausted. Even though today is only Monday, this week seems off to a better start. N3nny seems great. We're in the honeymoon phase though. She's sweet, smart, and energetic and the girls really like her. Yay! Just what we needed. She thinks it seems like a good match too. Double yay!

Someday I have lots of stuff to tell you about... And questions for you! Tonight, however, I need to work a tiny bit more on my lecture and then try to go to bed early.

I leave you with some little girl cuteness... Tonight K (3) was in bed. T (2) wants to sleep with K. T's still in the crib. T and K were in bed sharing K's pillow. K would say, "I love you T___." T would say, "I love you too, K." It was so sweet. I have got to capture the sound of their sweet little girl voices telling each other they love each other.

Hostessing....

A while back, we had people over. I can never decide if we like them.* As we were getting ready for their visit, I said to MWH, "We get them in and out of here in 2 hours or less, okay?" He laughed and said, "We put the Ho, in Hostessing." We high-fived and laughed. Our guests did leave in under 2 hours, on their own accord. Whew!

Yesterday, we spent the day with wonderful friends. They are a couple, and the female is one of my amazing colleagues. It was lovely. We'd never say the Ho-thing about them. (In fact, we even told them about the Ho-thing. They laughed too.) We can't wait to hang with them again. She reads the blog, and she still likes me. She needs to get a blog. She's thinking about it. (Think of it as PD--heh. It does help you learn new stuff!) Maybe I can get organized and plan a dinner-date at our house for all the gang. Hrmmmm.





*1) They are always late by an hour or so. 2) They don't apologize for being late. 3) They often bring extra people with them to our house or events without asking.

Grading...

I'm trying to view grading as more fun. It's so important to give feedback, but it's so hard to give good feedback on 28 papers. Most people don't know their own strengths and weaknesses.... It's hard for them to assess themselves well. It is my job, but it is painful. Guess what I get to do in my spare time today.

Interview of me by Galloping Cats (Part 1)

My internet friend, with really cool cat pictures on her blog, sent me some interview questions. I asked her to interview me after I read the answers she gave in an interview. She's been thinking a lot about being a working mom lately, it's the theme of the interview she gave, and this interview.

1. How have the challenges of being a working mom changed as your girls get older?
At least she didn't ask "How have the challenges of being a working mom changed as you've gotten older" (heh).

N is almost six years old, so I'm six years into this working-mom gig. For me, it's gotten more challenging to juggle it all. N's in kindergarten, and I volunteer in the classroom; K's in preschool and there are tons of parties and shows, and I want to be there for it all; and I want to just hang out a lot with my sweet T (2) before she starts preschool next year.

It's a lot. I like to spend one-on-one time with each girl each week.

How ever do I find the time to work?

I don't know.

When I got pregnant with T (#3), I wasn't sure if I'd be able to keep working. This made me sad. I love my work. I wanted to be able to do it all. One huge challenge was having 3 children in 4 years. It takes a lot of time to be pregnant and then on maternity leave. A polite way to say the status of my career is, it's not on the fasttrack.

On the one hand, I have worked really hard to make sure I have learned a new skill or written a paper for publication each year. It has been a lot of work. I am glad I have done it though. On the other hand, I look at other people and what they've accomplished at work in the last 6 years and I know I am very far behind. It's okay though.

My supervisor and I were talking yesterday, and the conversation went something like this....

Him "You should lead XXXX."
ME "I can't lead XXXX."
Him "Why not? You've been here 10 years... You can lead XXXX."
ME "But you forget, I had 3 kids in 4 years and I don't have the contacts or quals on paper to lead XXXX. I haven't done this before and I am going to need your help to do XXXX. I think I can do it, but I haven't done it before."

Fortunately, my supervisor is very supportive and will help me. If I had another person as a supervisor, I would not be able to speak so frankly or admit the consequences of having 3 kids in 4 years. I am very thankful I have the supervisor I have.


2. If you could go back in time and train for a different type of career, what would it be?

I don't want to train for a different career. I am very happy doing what I do. I went to school forever (Ph.D.). I graduated and found a really wonderful job--absolutely perfect for me. I work really hard. I couldn't work this hard if I didn't love it. I have a lot of different directions I could go from where I am, but I am not ready to make changes right now.

If I wanted to make more money, I wouldn't change what I studied in school, but I'd go back and add more computer science to my studies. (Just as an aside, my career is not a lucrative one! I love it, but I am not high-paid. It is important work.) I learned to program a teeny-tiny bit when I was in graduate school, but I should have taken it more seriously and learned a great deal more. If I were a decent programmer, I could make more money.


Stay tuned for Part 2.

Breastfeeding isn't for the birds.

Jeanette posted this. It's amazingly cool. I couldn't agree with her post about the video more.

Positive

Today was so much better than yesterday. Part of the problem with M/W is that I teach. I teach at noon and I don't have time to eat before class. Yesterday, the first food I ate was at 4 pm. Not good. By 4 pm, I was at the end of my rope. I pushed it much too hard. I had the worst headache. Note to self... Don't do that again!

Today, I ate lots of food, went to work, got to talk with one of my fav colleagues, planned some writing, picked up K (3), came home, went to workout, came home and took over from n3nny, and made dinner. The girls were pretty good tonight. N3nny is great.

Tonight MWH and I have a date to watch the the third episode of Moonlight. I am a big Buffy fan. Loved Angel too. Moonlight is the first show in a LONG time that has looked interesting to me.

Oh, one negative thing... but it's actually VERY positive! The scale has said 1(X-1)8 for the last few days. Woo-hoo. If you're keeping track, that's the lowest it's been since August 2003. I've probably lost 1 pound in the last week. After T stops nursing (not quite yet) I'll hopefully lose 3-5 pounds more. I should end up at the weight I was before all of the pregnancy-fun started in 2001.

Must go, it's bath time.

Night off

I'm taking tonight off. I'm exhausted. If I made a post, I'd just whine. Nothing is terrible, so I'll just wait until I'm less tired to blog--it will make for a cheerier post. I will say that MWH is the most wonderful husband ever! He wins. Now we're going to watch some bad tv.

Recovery...

Today was so much better than yesterday. First, no Dragon Lady. She's at the place where I teach, not where I work*. Second, I went to where I work. I like it there. I hadn't been there for about 3 weeks.... I am very lucky to have two colleagues who are also two of my favorite people at work. Many people are not as lucky. Many people have Dragon Lady as a colleague.

Third n3nny came. We do like n3nny. She seems sweet, smart, cute, and like a breath of fresh air. Fourth, for the moment, I think when n3nny has been here for a while, we will have a schedule that is good. One that lets me work some during daylight hours and still see my kids. With MP, we had too much nanny. Now, for at least the next 9 months (until summer) we (hopefully) will have a good amount.

Fifth, T (2) and I are are snuggling while I type this and she watches a Diego episode. She still LOVES Elmo, but Diego is quickly beoming a new favorite. (We got her an Elmo costume... Did I tell you that? She loves it. She wore it one whole day. She refused to take it off for her nap nor dinner.) N (5.75) is creating dinosaurs out of construction paper (she is really an artist) and K is dressed as a princess trying to write the word PALACE on a piece of paper. I love it.

I need to get some more coffee/caffeine. Not having a nanny for 4 weeks caused me to increase my coffee consumption. I need to work on cutting back a little.






*I'm not sure if it's clear that I have one 1/2 time job, and I also teach one class at a University. Yes, I am insane. 3 kids and two part-time jobs is not something a sane person would do. I am trying to transition to a life that makes more sense, but change is hard. The fact that MP left with no notice didn't help the situation.

Dragon Lady

I met a woman today who will be referred to henceforth as Dragon Lady (DL).

The first moment of our interaction went something like this...

ME: Oh, you're DL?
DL: Yes.

ME: I'm JK....
DL: Nodding...
ME: I was hoping I could talk with you sometime about ________. I am having difficulty integrating it, and I know you use it.
DL: Flames errupting from her mouth .... YOU MUST USE ________.

It went downhill from there. Me thinks she was a bit defensive about ________. She didn't actually offer any helpful advice about ________. She basically just kept repeating that I must use it and that I needed to figure it out on my own. I wanted to ask if she'd heard of collegial support, but I was scared of the fire.

I'd write more about her, but I am still recovering from my burns. I am hoping to never have to speak with her again. Even if I can avoid her, the interaction with her took away a little piece of me that used to have hope. Now my beliefs are a little darker. Seriously, because of her. Her reaction was really not pleasant, completely out of line, and not helpful.

Maybe someday I'll make a coherent, informative post?

But not today!

1. We had friends over today. More on that later. I'll tell you that MWH did another great quote today. He's on a roll. I'll tell you the quote when I tell you about the friends.

2. Huge identity crisis is still not quote over. I will be in at work this week, and hopefully I'll feel better after talking with my supervisor. More on that soon.

3. N3nny seems good. We spoke a bit more tonight. She'll be back Tuesday. We'll probably be hiring her officially starting next Monday. More on that later too.

4. Grading tests. If you don't count extra credit, there were 7 A grades, 8 B grades, 6 C grades, 5 D grades, and 1 F. Not bad. If you count extra credit, 13 A grades, 5 B grades, 6 C grades, 3 D grades. I feel bad for the studens who did poorly. I want them all to do well.

One of my students just didn't seem to study at all. Maybe she tried, but it just doesn't seem like it. Sigh. The thing too that is sad, I feel that it was an easy test, we went over the material until they should have been able to do it in their sleep, and still....

Three of my students surprised me and did REALLY well on the test. I expected several of my students to do well and they did, but these three surprised me. It was lovely! I was so happy as I graded their tests.

5. Update on the students who left early, I spoke to both of them... They were defensive at first.... I think I finally convinced them I wasn't mad, but I want to see that we can get time to talk about their project. Their reactions made me realize that they think most professors don't care. Most professors don't have time to care. What's more sad is the professors who don't realize they should care. I want to get to know my students. They all seem a little shocked when they finally realize this. They seem shocked when they realize I honestly want them all to do well.

I want them to learn as much as possible in my class. Not just about the subject I'm teaching, but all things related to it. Things that will generalize to their success in the real world and success in other classes. I hope they all get this but the time they leave my class.

My students seem a little shocked that I do learn their names, that I do care that they get this material, and that I do want to help. I don't like having to flunk students. If they get lower than a C they have to re-take the course. I know many students end up having to re-take this course. If only 3 of mine have to retake the course, that's a little more than 10%. That wouldn't be too bad, but I hope they all make a C or better. Some of them will have some work to do. Some of them are working their little fingers to the bone! It's exciting to see. I hope they can leave my class with a bit more love of learning than when they walked in the door.

He's really good!

You all know I love MWH. He's really good. Today, he proved himself yet again when he said...

We put the PRO in procrastination!*

Just one of the infinite reasons I love MWH.




*I'd explain it all to you, but it would take too long. A quick summary is that we both tend to put off expensive purchases, or purchases that require work (like a new couch... or a new front door... ). We're both okay with this.

Untitled 2

I'm so glad we're done with the schedule disruption of kindergarten-time-switch. I am so tired still. This morning, MWH and I are both barely moving and both moaning about how tired we are--it's almost a little competitive. Both of us have a slight cold too. I've already used my 3 days of this elixir of the gods and now I'm sniffling and fuzzy-headed.

We have friends coming over tomorrow to visit. I'll have to tell you more about these people someday... Right after I get the story of the Plastic Surgeon written up. That's now slated for right after I tell you more about my identity crisis... Really, it's mostly over.

Schedule change

As if my life isn't insane enough....

N's school switched kindergarten times on us for this week because they are doing Parent-Teacher conferences. Instead of going in the afternoon, like usual, they are having N go at 8:30. To be exact, they are having all kindergarteners go in the morning.

This is NOT FUN. We are all extra-exhausted because of this. When I got the flyer announcing this change, I looked at it and shrieked, "IS THIS EVEN LEGAL TO DO?????" The first morning, when I got N up at 7:50, she was stumbling around saying, "It's so early."

I know sweetheart! We are so not morning people.

Now, N and K (3) are going to bed early and they are getting up okay. However, I'm still exhausted. My work load doesn't change--I still have to do stuff late at night. MWH is exhausted too.

I am SO ANNOYED at the school for doing this to the families. In addition to the exhaustion, K is totally disrupted... She hasn't been wanting to go to preschool in the afternoon because N is home and she wants to play with N. She skipped school yesterday and today. I don't feel I should make her go to preschool if she doesn't want to go this week. It's not K's fault that N's schoool changed EVERYTHING on us.

The school obviously didn't take into consideration how disruptive it would be to all of the families, their schedules, their daycare set-ups, and a lot of other things when they decided to make the change. They made the change because it's better for the teachers.

I get why it's better for the teachers, but the teachers are grown-ups. The other way wouldn't have changed the teacher's schedules, it just would have been slightly inconvenient for them. This way completely SUCKS for us. The teachers are only 6 people.... The change is negatively impacting all the kids and their families--many more than 6 people. This is one case where it seems for the good of the many should have applied... They could have kept the same schedule and just inconvenienced the teachers a little more than doing what they are doing....

What are your thoughts on this?

Assorted.

When my mouth stopped hurting after the dentist, I liked n3nny better. I was really grumpy after the dentist. In addition to the pain in my mouth, I am feeling the pain of not having a nanny for 3 weeks. It's hard having 2 part-time jobs and 3 little girls and no nanny. I am tired. Let me know if you want a long whiny post or if I should just let it go.

I do have a LONG and ANNOYED post coming for you soon about N's kindergarten. N's kindergarten is much of the reason I'm so tired.

On the positive side of things, MWH and I celebrated our wedding anniversary yesterday. We hope to get another opportunity to go out and see a movie or do something fun on a weekend day soon.

Untitled

I can't think of a title. It's holding me back. I decided to go with untitled to get past the block. I had a dental appointment... lots of drilling. No fun. Perhaps, that's contributing to my blah mood. It's a gray depressing looking day too. It looks like it wants to rain. Who knows if it will.

Today, n3nny came. I think we like her, but at the moment, I just don't like any one. I mean, I think I like n3nny, but for me, leaving my kids with a person for the first time is always rather disconcerting. K (3) says she likes iNanny better. iNanny was great with the girls. iNanny just had issues. T seems to like n3nny. We'll give the girls a couple more days with n3nny before we make a decision.

N3nny is coming back tomorrow for another trial day. The nanny agency recommends 5 days for a trial period before hiring someone. I'm good with that. We'll do today, tomorrow, and then next Tuesday, Wed and Thu. Then we'll decide. Oh, it's so much fun hiring a nanny.

Workout

I'm working out while typing this. This brings new meaning to blogging all the time.

I'm on an elliptical machine and according to it I've burned 380+ calories in 34 minutes--I want to make it to 40 minutes, but I'm bored. Typing adds challenge. I wonder how many extra calories I am burning while typing. Less than three minutes now. Heh.
Sent via my BlackBerry

juggle, juggle, splat, deep breath, juggle...

Written last Tuesday (10/2) and never published....

MWH and I have been juggling schedules and little girls for the last two weeks. Yesterday, I felt like I'd droped all the balls. I was so tired. Today, I was much better. I went to bed early and slept in a little. iNanny called and will start the trial period tomorrow. This helped me feel better.

Today, K (3) and T (2) and I played a lot. I took N (5.5) to kindergarten, did another grocery store run with them, ate lunch at home, played a lot at home, went to the park, got N and then played some more at the park. We got home and ex-nanny, not to be confused with MP, came over and hung with the little girls while I got my haircut. ~A is the winner! I NEEDED a cut and a color! Mostly a color. Did I tell you I started going grey at 20? Yea. It's not pretty.

Here and now...

Again, MWH and I are juggling. We decided it wouldn't work very well with iNanny. Her schedule was pretty rigid. She had other responsibilities and it was going to mean that we would have to make sure our lives fit in with hers. We didn't want to be in that position again. Not a good fit. The issues I mentioned were also numerous and really, we didn't want to go there again. More on issues later!

Tomorrow, n3nny will come for a trial day. Now is the time I start to worry about the hiring of the nanny. I think n3nny is a much better fit and I do hope that it works out for us and her. If we keep having "trial periods" with lots of different nannies, I will worry about the girls... You know, how will they form strong emotional bonds with people if we keep switching the people. iNanny started forming bonds with the girls... that was the point of the trial period. When you hear about the issues, I think you'll agree that we made the right decision. Hindsight is 20/20, and I should have realized she could have these issues but I was going in with an open mind. Perhaps I should be more cynical?

Okay... A more fun post soon... I hope! I want to be done with the nanny search. It's not fun. I am glad we decided to use the nanny agency. It's scary getting a nanny, but they screen lots of candidates and they are a good agency. Maybe someday I'll be able to get a chance to write-up more thoughts about getting a nanny. I probably have enough fodder from my experiences for a book! Maybe that's my next endeavor...

Green!

Your Life is 88% Green

Your life is totally green, and as far as your environmental beliefs go... your actions do speak louder than your words. Your lifestyle totally serves as an inspiration to others. Whether you know it or not. So keep it up!

How Green Is Your Life?

I think I would have been more green if 1) I used public transportation/ rode a bike, but I telecommute a LOT, so that's good, 2) if I bought more second-hand -- I tend to not have time to buy anything and when I need something I need it fast so I order it online, and 3) if I had my own garden (someday N will plant one for me!).

They didn't ask about diapers, but I would definitely be more green if I used cloth diapers. I did for a while with K, but then life got insane (I got pregnant with T! we moved twice! did a remodel!). Slowly we're taking our life back from the insanity, and being able to be more green again.

17

I think I have about 17 things I need to tell you about to catch you up, but I am tired! Actually, I'm T-I-R-E-D. We went to an amusement park today. It was fun, but it was a long day. The little girls had a blast. (We have a family member visiting from out of town. It's fun.)

Random thing...Probably the cutest thing today was when K (3) suggested something to T (2) and T replied, "That's a good idea K. Awww!

In anticipation of our guest, on Friday and yesterday I cleaned. No, I C-L-E-A-N-E-D! Aren't you impressed? We even got the carpets cleaned (had someone come do it... I didn't!). The house looks good. Remind me when I hate my carpets in 6 months to just call the carpet cleaners!

I'll write more about iNanny, issues, and n3nny tomorrow. Must sleep now...

This post brought to you by the letter P

In August, MWH bought some pistachios. 4 out of 5 of us became addicted and now eat them ALL THE TIME! K (3) is the only one who won't eat them. T (2) loves them. Sometimes that's all she wants to eat. Since pistachios have some good qualities, I let her eat them.

When we give T some, we shell them--we prefer the kind in shells, and she's not big enough to open them. K can open them and even likes to shell so it's a way to occupy K while T eats. When we open the pistachios, T will only eat them if they don't break in half. It cracks me up.

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K (3) has taken to calling T (2) Pelelipe, NOT Penelope. I think she's calling her Pelelipe because of Penelope in Angelina Ballerina. It's cracking me up.

Dilemma

iNanny seems good. iNanny, like all of our other nannies, wants to know if she should come a little later in the morning. Regardless of what time any nanny gets here, it still take us a few minutes to get out of the house. I don't think it's unreasonable for us to be around up to 30 minutes in the morning after she gets here. Do you? We are slow-moving in the morning.

iNanny has some personal issues...I don't think they are getting in her way of doing her job, but they could. I really kind of need issue-free nanny. Because of MP, and all of the issues she had, I can't deal with any more issues. I don't have the patience for them. I need someone who will be really cheerful... to the point of disgustingly chipper and upbeat. I can't deal with other people's problems. Tomorrow we have an interview with someone who sounds great. Coincidentally, she has the same name as two of our previous nannies/babysitters. If we hire her, she'd be N3nny where 3 sounds like a short a. (Heh.)

Is it awful of me to not want a nanny who is very good but has some issues? I feel like I am being awful, but I can't help myself. I can't bend over backwards for a nanny anymore... I guess this isn't actually a dilemma... My dilemma is what to do.... do we tell iNanny it isn't working for us now, or do we wait until we find Real Mary Poppins (RMP)?

7 am

If you know me, you know that calling me at 7 am is very bad.

I was going to do a favor for someone, an interview. They didn't call me last night when they were supposed to, instead, they called me at 7 am this morning. NOT Good. I'm grumpy. From the past few posts it appears I've been grumpy for a while now. In real life, I'm not feeling that grumpy, but obviously I am some grumpy or else I'd be writing cheerier posts.

Nanny stuff

The girls love iNanny. She plays with them. This is different than what MP did. MP nurtured and cuddled, but she never really played. She read, but didn't run around with them.

I am still doing a few more interviews. Last night's interview, um, well, interviewee was sweet, but I'm not sure she really knew what children were. I told her T was two (T was asleep) and interviewee asked, "Oh, is she walking?" Not winning you any points. Most kids walk by the time they are 15 months old. If she knew kids, she'd know that. A better way to phrase the question would be, "Tell me what T likes to do. How does she like to play?" Interviewee decided to be a nanny because that's what a good friend from college did. She'd "never thought about it before."

I'm a little sensitive right now about iNanny because iNanny has some personal issues. Anytime a nanny is a "grown-up" as in not just fresh out of college, they have issues. It's okay, and if I hadn't have just dealt with a lot of issues with MP, I might not be so attuned to them. I keep looking for "show stoppers" with iNanny. I figure iNanny has a couple of weeks to show me that it will all be okay unless I meet a better candidate from the agency. There are 2 I'm interested in (from their resumes). I'll meet them and then determine what will be best.

Sigh. It sucks. I really can't wait until we don't need a nanny anymore.

Other stuff...

Please, if you come to class, stay until the end.

Today, two of my students started to leave 15 minutes before class was over. We were in groups and I was trying to talk to all the groups about the projects. I was making my rounds. Though I wasn't talking to their group yet, they walked past me as they were leaving.

I asked if they had spent time discussing what they were supposed to discuss, and they said, "We're good."

I doubt they had mastered everything, but fine. I said, I was really hoping to talk with all the groups, and asked if they could stay. CLASS WASN'T OVER. One said, "No, I'm supposed to be at work now."

Ummmm.... excuse me.... class goes for 15 more minutes. I was so shocked.

I said something to the effect of, "Oh, well, class officially goes until _:_ _. I do expect students to stay so we can accomplish more." They kind of blew me off.

Geez. Is it me, or is that unacceptable?

it just never is boring!

Sometimes it's too crazy in a negative way, and sometimes it's great... It's never boring!


Today's excitement was good... N (5.5) has a new tooth growing. It's on the bottom left and has broken through behind her current baby teeth. I don't know if it's so far behind that it will never knock out the tooth, or if it's okay... I'll wait for a few days and then call the dentist. It looks like the second one, next to it on the right, is going to break the surface momentarily. So cool!

Grades

If you're one of my students, please don't send me an email with the salutation being Dear Professor WRONG NAME.

The thing about the name you called me--it's a fine name--but it shows me how really confused you are or how low of a priority this class is for you. I've learned almost all of your names. There are 28 of you. There is only one of me. Surely you can learn my name. My name appears in MANY places... the syllabus, the web site, our wiki.... I'm really not an egocentric person, but I do like to be called by MY OWN NAME.

I once had a chemistry professor who used to ask Professor's name as a question on his tests. Now I really understand why he did that.

Maybe?

iNanny called back and she would like to do a trial period. I agreed. I am a little worried that her car isn't actually big enough to hold three car seats, but she thinks it will work. I also sent in our application to the expensive nanny placement agency and paid the expensive registration fee yesterday. The agency sent over two resumes. Both look somewhat interesting. Now the "black-box" of the agency is trying to schedule an interview. In case it doesn't work out with iNanny, I'm going to keep looking. I don't want to be high-and-dry again.

Priorities...

I have a nanny/babysitter for tomorrow... Thank goodness. I have an appointment. I really didn't want to cancel the appointment. Can you guess what kind of appointment it is? Heh. (No, it's not ob/gyn and no, to my knowledge, I'm NOT pregnant. That would push me over the edge here.)

Play along at home and guess.