It's almost December

Yea.

It's really warm today (about 70 degrees). The girls just watched Frosty the Snowman and now they want hot chocolate. Heh.

Absolutely classic

Or if you don't want to watch all 6 minutes (I HIGHLY recommend it though) check out the 45 second clip below.





(Did I tell you I once met Gregory Hines? I have his autograph on a business card... How cool is that?)

my jaw

I've written about my back a lot. I think, since July, I've been saying Zumba's helping and not lifting Three-a as much is helping too. I've been icing less, but I make sure to ice when I over do it in Zumba. I think, and I tend to be conservative in making proclamations of improvement, that my back is feeling better. It's not perfect, but I feel like I've figured out some things that will make it better and that I can and more importantly will do to help it. (If you won't DO something, it won't help.)

Okay... with that introduction, my jaw is hurting worse. I know I'm very stressed about Dad right now, and I know this much stress isn't good, so I'm working on relaxing and figuring out solutions to help my jaw. The other night, I thought maybe a glass of wine would help. I don't drink, and I don't really want to drink alcohol because I think it is a toxin your liver has to break down and clear, but I am starting to wonder about things that might help me get stress under control. Obviously, exercise helps. I'm going to try to add yoga or meditation to my workout mix soon. I think that would be super for me. I'm guessing my jaw might become a topic around here. It hurts so much right now.

(At the store today, I wondered if my jaw hurt more because my back hurt less... in other words, am I now just able to feel my jaw above the pain in my back? I don't think that's entirely the case, but it has risen to be a bigger problem for me than my back since I feel I have some potential solutions for my back.)

Lazy Day

Highlights

Dad actually got to go home for a few hours today. I didn't know if he would be able to do it. My brother got him and it all went well. Dad ate a lot (for him in this state). He was there for about 3 hours. We did a little video chat so the girls got to see him and he the girls (NOT NEARLY AS GOOD AS face-to-face) but we recorded it. I'm thrilled he got to go home. So happy!


Three-a has started saying, "I'm the youngest and oNe is the oldest." She'll tell people this. It's very funny and cute.

Three-a washed dishes with MWH... He left her to go do something and she was washing a pan.... She played happily washing the same pan for about 1/2 hour--he got sidetracked. She kept adding soap and water. It's the cleanest the pan has EVER been. I didn't stop her because she was having so much fun!


MWH did some laundry and cleaned some in our room! Go MWH! Thank you!


The soup was fun to make and yummy.


twoK and Three-a played with MoonSand for a long time today. I don't like the stuff, it's messy, but they totally enjoyed it.


I got a chance to catch up a bit with my friend who had twins on Halloween. That was nice.


It was such a lazy day that we didn't even make it to a park. It was good. The girls were content and not stir crazy and I needed low-key!

roller

coaster.

Dad is a little more clear now. Mom and he are hanging right now.

empty

I am sad and empty. Dad is doing worse. Sigh. It's happening pretty fast all things considered, or maybe not. He's not been eating well for a couple of weeks. When he was in the hospital, fluids helped a lot, but he still wouldn't really eat. Poor guy. My Dad LOVED to eat. He's the kind of guy that all-you-can-eat places threw out because he'd eat so much. Yea. It's hard.

I don't think I should go back just yet. I feel sort of like I should, but not really. Does that make me a terrible daughter? Dad always said, "Do good stuff for people while they are alive so they can know it. Don't wait until they die to do nice things." Though he might still "know" I was there (might--he's losing lucidity quickly it sounds), he also wanted me to "take good care of the girls and not go running back and forth all the time." When I left last Saturday (geez, not even a week), I told him to tell someone if he wanted me there and that I would come.

---

Today's the "eating day" and bleh. We don't really eat turkey so I decided to make this comforting soup.

Oh, last night, when I went grocery shopping, it wasn't too bad. It wasn't too busy and people were nicer than they were last year. That's good. It gives me a little hope for humanity.

---

The good...
This morning, all the little girls came and piled in bed with MWH and me. It was fun... Three-a wanted me to play tickle monster, and who can possibly refuse that??? She screamed with laughter and begged me to stop tickling her. When I stopped she begged me to tickle some more. Heh.

inhale

Today's been a tough day. Dad's not doing well. My brothers are being optimistic saying it's probably something minor. I am being pessimistic. I would be happy if they were right and I was wrong. I don't know. Sigh. Hey, you heard it here... I would be happy to be wrong! Heh.

I am just overwhelmed. Completely overwhelmed. I want to go workout. However, I don't seem to have enough energy to move off my bed. We'll see if I can motivate myself. I have about 10 more minutes until I need to get going.

I had horrible dreams last night. All about my Dad. I dreamt he was sleeping and he was very restless and not comfortable. Aparently, that is what his night actually was like. In the dream, there wasn't anything I could do. Hrm. Currently, there isn't anything I can do.

Today, I was talking to a friend who lost her mother. She asked if I had anything else I needed to say to Dad. I don't feel I do. I feel he taught me to love and to value people, and that he and I are in a good place. For a while, we had rough times, but gosh, that was close to 20 years ago. When I left last week, I thought saying goodbye to him might be "goodbye." If I get back again to see him again, I will be thrilled. Of course, I want him to stick around. I don't know what's possible though. I want to be optimistic.... Sigh.


I think my stomach was just stressed. I imagine it will be on and off again for a while.

I would prefer the stress please.

My stomach feels funny.

I'm hoping it's stress. My stomach has been feeling sort of funny for a week or so. It all started when I was home visiting Dad. When I got back and oNe was sick, I freaked out too. Now, I am at the tail end of the incubation period, and we'll see what happens. Within 12 hours we'll know.

Isn't this exciting? (NOT!) Send good thoughts to me that it's just stress!

everywhere

Germs.

N3nny's husband threw up today. I'm on high germ-alert.

If we get sick, my weight will probably hit the weight I was at my wedding. Someday, I'll do a post reflecting on the benefits of Zumba, but not today.

I just searched, but I can't find the post where I said I wanted to lose another inch off my hips and 2 off my stomach. I *thought* I wrote that. I know I told my friend C that. I think I have achieved that with Zumba.

Now, I want another 2 inches off my stomach, and if I never lose another inch off my hips, it won't matter that much. I'm okay with my hips. Most likely though, if I lose 2 more inches off my stomach, I'll end up losing another inch off the hips. It'll probably take a LONG time to make all this happen. It's okay. I LIKE to workout.

I might even get certified to teach Zumba. Crazy! I've danced a lot, I could do it. I would like to do my own choreography. I like some of the straight Zumba choreography, but I love my Zumba teacher's choreography. She is an amazing dancer. AMAZING.

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In other news, twoK now eats peas and doesn't complain too much. Click here if you want to read more about the journey of getting twoK to eat peas.

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Three-a has slept with twoK in her bed for 2 nights now. On Saturday, all the girls slept in the "sleeping quarters room." On Sunday, we moved twoK's bed into the room where Three-a currently sleeps to help control the contagion that oNe brought home. Three-a slept with twoK on Sunday night, but Monday night, she slept in her crib while twoK slept in the bed in the same room. Tonight, we moved twoK's bed back to the sleeping quarters room and we'll see where Three-a sleeps. I'd like them to sleep in there eventually, but whenever.

Whoa.

It's almost Thanksgiving. Whoa. How can it be? And then, it's almost Christmas. Good grief. Someone please slow time down. Please?

We have no plans for Thursday and I'm good with that! We'll play at the park with the girls and make some food. We used to make fajitas for Thanksgiving. We did it many years and thought it was our tradition. Last year, we ate with friends and didn't eat turkey, but we didn't have fajitas either. We had steak (our fav kind), dressing, yams, salad, and other stuff... can't remember what all. It was a fun evening. We'll see those friends on Friday this year pending wellness (see previous post).

Oh... yea... Last year, I wrote about how much I hate going grocery shopping at Thanksgiving.... I think everyone does. In the craziness that is occurring right now, I forgot that. I guess I should plan food and get it tomorrow if I can. Sigh. Always something.

After reading the post from 2005, I feel like maybe I want to make fajitas. Hrm. Maybe.

Who knows

I don't have much hope right now. I worry that we'll all be throwing up by Wednesday. oNe threw up some more last night. She never woke MWH or me. She is self-sufficient. It is pretty darn amazing.

My Dad is out of the hospital. We'll know more about how he's doing in the next couple of days too.

I am thankful that the project at work is done for now. I have a lot of work I could be doing, but none that is critical this week. I'm doing stuff with my class, but trying to be Mommy, not so much at work.

And now for something different....

oNe is sick. She had a cold...or so we thought, but now she threw up. Hopefully it was the cold that caused the throwing up and not an ugly norovirus. UGH. Ugh... Ugh!

Sigh

Dad is already not eating/drinking enough. This will spiral downward. I am sad. So very sad. I know my Mom is more sad. Think good thoughts for her (and the rest of the family). Send my Dad good thoughts to eat and drink. Again, sigh.

Things that are random...

1. I am back from visiting Dad. I wish I could be in both places at once. It's hard having your heart split in two places.

2. Dad's numbers look a little better (again) this morning. If we can keep him eating, drinking, moving and taking his medicine, he could be stable for a while. Unfortunately, it's a big IF. It's up to him and the people around him.

I wish I could be there... I'm good at getting food/drink/medicine into people/animals. I did this for about 2 years for Beloved Kitty and the same tricks I learned for Beloved Kitty would work for my Dad. It sounds bad to compare my Dad to Beloved Kitty, but it's actually a very appropriate comparison. I learned a lot from Beloved Kitty and that knowledge may help my Dad. The doctors/nurses thought everything I said was right on and the best thing we could do... Given the limits of medicine, I agree. I wish we could do more, but what I am proposing, which is not at all radical, is what I believe is best given the knowledge/technology/medicine we currently have. I wish we had more knowledge/technology/medicine. We're working on it.

3. I am feeling more expertise around my own work. I love the class I'm teaching this fall. It has been really helpful for me. I love getting to watch the students sink their teeth into the material and start to think about it in really deep ways--this is why I LOVE to teach.

4. Even in the winter, my skin looks better where I grew up than where I currently live. I thought it was just a summer thing. Maybe it's the lighting in Mom's bathroom that is "good for my skin." More data will be collected.

5. I am so glad to be home with my fam... MWH and the little girls make me so happy. See #1 though... I am sad I can't be both places at once.

Sigh.

Friday?

Still confused about days and time. All no fun. We're trying to make
decisions about what is best as the next step. We know hospice will
start soon, but should it start now or in 2 weeks?

Oh the little decisions are agonizing.

Sent from my iPhone

time

I'm so confused about time right now. I'm still trying to do a little work while I'm visiting Dad and work is in a different time zone. I'm constantly translating what time is it here versus there. Then, here, at night it's getting dark REALLY early. Maybe it's not that early but when you think it's earlier than it is (my own home time zone is earlier) versus what time it is HERE, it's really confusing.

Are you confused?

Moving on and a warning that you should STOP now if you don't want to read depressing stuff.

My family is full of engineers and researchers and we all HATE how powerless we are to help Dad. We feel there should be something we can do, but there isn't. Yesterday, we spoke with the doctor and all agreed to something... Today, we learned some different (better) news... Now we're re-thinking and trying to figure out new things. Oh, the roller coaster. I feel like I kind of know what needs to occur, but we need to make sure it's right. My Dad has to agree too. We're working on it.

Wow, all of the above was written before 2 pm and now it's already almost 11 pm here. Dad had an okay day... In some ways a little better than yesterday (only very slight) and in some ways, maybe not as good. I don't know. The family almost has a plan. We'll see if the plan stays the same tomorrow or not. Actually, we did kind of make a couple of back-up plans, so most likely things won't change too much. What is left to be determined is the timing of everything. Oh, geez, this is hard. Dad will periodically cry and get very upset that he's going to die.

A friend just lost a grandmother and he was telling me how his grandmother met death very stoically. She never cried nor fussed. She just quietly said she wanted no more treatment, went home on hospice, and then died about 4 days later. I'm glad Dad can tell us how he's feeling and how he's scared, but it's so sad. He doesn't want to miss out on anything. He knows life will go on without him and it makes him sad. The good news is that Dad doesn't have much pain. He is uncomfortable sometimes, but not in "pain." There is a difference.

We spoke to two hospice organizations today. We're tired. Dad's more tired, but it is hard for everyone. At this particular moment, I'm very glad to have siblings. They are super.

big blur (edited)

I am visiting Dad. So far, the trip is a big blur of time and emotions. Today's been a LONG day. I have written a lot today, but I don't know if I'll publish it. I am so overwhelmed. I just want to curl up and sleep... bleh. I have some work to do now. I miss the little girls and MWH. Sigh.

Edited to add:
Yes, I came early to visit him. He started throwing up on Saturday and they couldn't get him to stop... Sunday night they admitted him to the hospital. Ugh. He got a blood transfusion and lots of drugs. I don't know how long he'll be in the hospital. We'll talk with his doctor and learn more tomorrow.

Lots

1. The Zumba thing was lots of fun. My stomach is sore. The muscles are sore and I feel slightly queasy. I worked out hard. I am not as hungry as I expected I would be. I am also less sore and tired than I figured I would be today--that's good.

When I do Zumba, I always wonder if the instructors have to take their shirts off to be in their little workout tops by a certain song during the workout... Are they told, "Okay, by song #2, make sure you've taken off your jacket. By song #3 you need to remove your tank top and be in your sports bra." Are the rules around this covered in the Zumba Instructor training?


2. On a completely different note, my Dad is not doing well. It is so hard to hear about how things are going. My Dad... He's supposed to be strong, healthy, stubborn, and funny. He's not supposed to be sick and weak. Even though he's been years before, it was NOTHING like this. I don't have the words to write about it all, and I don't want to do it right now. We aren't good at thinking about death and old age.


3. I'll be going to see my father on Wednesday. I am glad I am going, but I don't think it will be a whole lot of fun.


4. It's hard to think of anything else to really write about. I seem to always come back to my father and I am lacking words.

I can fly...

The little girls have discovered Peter Pan. They are a little obsessed. The Lion King is still pretty popular, but now there are letters written to Peter Pan and Tinkerbell and lots new pretend.

Grape seeds

Yep, I'm on a pro-grape seed kick. I accidentally bought some seeded grapes. oNe freaked out about them when I sent them (unknowingly) in her lunch. I googled and found just how good the grape seed is. She's not buying it, but I am eating them with gusto. I think they are an anti-aging thing. I'm sure I'll write more about them soon.

Remember when I googled about watermelon seeds. Can you imagine what I must be like as a mother? I'm not sure honey, let's go look it up. How annoying I must be! The little girls all know and love the Internet already. They do think of it as all knowing. I'm working on getting them to understand it. They already do in their own digital native ways.... I'll write more about that later.

What else......I get a moment... A moment before going to a very fun thing for ME! It's a special Zumba thing. I'm excited about it, but I'm a little worried about how TIRED I am going into it. I'll go get some coffee and that will help... hrmmmmm... Maybe I need to cut this short and go get coffee now. Probably should... More soon.

(Perhaps I should have just called this post, MORE SOON.... Heh.)

we don't know

We don't know what the prognosis, in terms of how long, is for my father, but he's not happy in the nursing home. Duh. I am now researching hospice and home health care services. It's no fun, but hopefully I can figure out a way to help him be at home. Oh, how much this sucks. I am putting on my vulcan ears* and trying not to cry.












*No, I don't actually have a pair of vulcan ears.

exhale

I'm going to visit Dad next week. I am worried. I am going to work on figuring out what it will take to get him home with home health care. Sigh.

Speaking of Vulcans...

MWH and me have talked about watching all of STTNG (that's Star Trek: The Next Generation for all of you non-Trekkie folks) as soon as I'm done with my class this semester. I hope he still wants to do it. I really want to... It's not hard to talk MWH into watching sci-fi, so I think I'm good.

I'm feeling more in touch with my inner geek. Woo!

Recovering.... (almost!)

My big class thing is over for a moment. Still need to do a little more work on the big proposal... I'm hoping I can take it a bit easier this weekend... (Whoa.... What a concept.)

That's confusing!

This event, will identify me to my students if they happen to stumble across this post. If any of you read this (M, S, S, B, or T), let me know. I don't think you will, but who knows you might google "quack, conference, speaker, confusing" some day. I think the chances of this are low. The blogosphere is a big, fairly anonymous space. Maybe this post will disappear in a few days....

The scene: A quiet conference session. The speaker presenting on a very serious topic. She's a young researcher and as a speaker, she's young, shaking, and nervous. My phone rings. The ring is a quack. It is rather loud. I scramble to turn it off., but my phone keeps quacking. The rings go on forever (okay, it was probably only 3 seconds). I turn off the ringer. The speaker is distracted. She says, "That's confusing." I turn 17 shades of red.

The chair of the session is a woman I greatly respect. She doesn't really know me, I think I've met her, but I'm not sure, and if we met I don't think she remembers me (and now I really hope she doesn't!), but still, I feel awful and like I've lost "points" in her eyes. Hopefully she can't read my name tag... There are worse things in life than a quacking phone in a quiet conference session. Heh. I am also embarrassed because my students are seeing me set a really good example for them. D'oh.

I use the quacking phone as a teachable moment after the session to point out this concept and tell them about this book. I explain how the technology should be a little better to make it more obvious which mode my phone is in (mute or ringer on). One of my students tells me I'd make a great Vulcan. I tell him thank you and take it as a compliment.

Yes, we can all agree, I am a geek.

The cool kids

All the cool kids are doing it.

Swistle
and the guy who started it


Below is a link to my photo. Leave me a comment if you're doing it on your blog or if you don't have a blog and would like to do it. Or, leave me a comment if you'd like to do it, but it wouldn't be appropriate to do on your blog.




Note the comic book print on the photo. I chose it to emphasize the ridiculous nature of this vote.
The photo.


Yea, I usually don't go all political on you do I? Saying yes to prop 8 just doesn't make sense to me at all.

Happy and busy!

I'm thrilled about the presidential race.

I'm less than happy about one of the ways our state voted on something BIG. Something that really shouldn't be an issue one of the blogs I read discussed it and I agree with what she said. And I'm tired and busy.

I did a great Zumba class tonight to try out a new teacher. Did I tell you I want to get certified to teach Zumba? I <3 it that much. I will most likely do that in Spring 2009 when my plate is a little clearer.

Must go grade papers. Teaching grad students is great. The papers are a delight to read.

Light and fluffy

Like a marshmallow.

Yea, I'm worried about tomorrow. I want change.


Moving on because this is light and fluffy!

1. I like my hair better than when I first got it cut. I think I'll like it a lot more in a couple more weeks, but right now it is pretty good. When I first got it cut it was a little short for even me, but now I feel a little less shocked when I look in the mirror.

2. I'm on a quest for the perfect workout pants. I got some today... they are okay... I'm not sure what I want exactly, but these are not the perfect pants. Maybe I'll go to another store tomorrow... (boring)

3. At the recreation center near our house they are offering a new "Join the Circus" class. It's for kids ages 6-12. You can bet I'll be signing up my 3 little clowns in 3 years (if the class is still being offered). (The class is very appropriate for the girls given the tagline of this blog. Heh.)

4. Upcoming work travel and going back to see my Dad too. Ugh. I want to do both trips, but I also don't want to leave. You know. (I guess this one isn't light and fluffy.)

5. There is a huge Zumba thing coming up. I. am. so. excited. Woo!

6. MWH is wonderful. We laugh so much. Tonight we were laughing about "that." Literally the word that had us cracking up. He's perfect for me. I believe he finds me pretty well-suited to him as well.

7. I finally ordered some more of my favorite moisturizer from DHC. Apparently, it does work a little. My "fine lines" were starting to look less fine and more deep. I think they look a little "finer" now.

I had tears...

When I watched this video. It is so funny. I showed it to MWH and he howled and had tears in his eyes too.

I could actually use it in my classes as a demonstration of perception...

It's easy to imagine this is the first time these players are playing with the binoculars. How long would it take for them to learn to play with them? Would there be an effect of age? Would kids of different ages show different abilities to adapt? Heh... We professor types know how to turn almost anything into something boring, eh?

Every once in a while...

I go all freaky-green on you. Remember this?

Go check out my new favorite cleaning web site!

I just cleaned the bathroom floor with this and vinegar and water and then Hydrogen Peroxide. The grout isn't all the way dry, but some it is mostly dry and it looks FABULOUS.

I usually clean the grout with a Magic Eraser once every few months, but then I freak out about Melamine Foam.... (You know... this stuff...the dog food and the infant formula I don't think it's the same, exactly... I need a chemist... MWH help me out here...) but still, the name, it makes me worry. Since, I would like to use less chemical-y stuff, decided to give vinegar and Hydrogen Peroxide a try. It was a lot of work, but so is cleaning all the grout with the Magic Eraser.

Anyway... There you go. Green cleaning fun.


(Yea, I have a lot of work to do for work. You know you have a lot of work to do for work when you start cleaning. Heh.)

Halloween

It was a fun day. An overwhelming and busy day, but a fun one. We had dinner with our neighbors and then went trick-or-treating. We did the same thing last year. I like our neighbors. I think I've written about them in the past, but I'm too lazy to go find the posts. We went to a post-Halloween party today. It was fun too.

On another note, I have so much work to do. I'm a little in denial about it.

Oh! My friend who was pregnant with twins... had them! On Halloween! Two little jack-o-lanterns, or maybe a jack-o-lantern and a jill-o-lantern. How fun is that? They are little! They are precious and sweet. I went to see them today. I am thrilled for her. She was very worried through the pregnancy. She seems more relaxed and calm already.

What else? twoK and Three-a play so well together. Tonight, twoK and oNe are sleeping in oNe's bed and Three-a is sleeping in twoK's bed. It won't be long until Three-a will be in the room all the time. Crazy!

It's not totally different, but...

I do feel better. I was starting to worry that I'd always feel depressed. I am feeling a little better. (see post 2 days ago.)