inhale

Today's been a tough day. Dad's not doing well. My brothers are being optimistic saying it's probably something minor. I am being pessimistic. I would be happy if they were right and I was wrong. I don't know. Sigh. Hey, you heard it here... I would be happy to be wrong! Heh.

I am just overwhelmed. Completely overwhelmed. I want to go workout. However, I don't seem to have enough energy to move off my bed. We'll see if I can motivate myself. I have about 10 more minutes until I need to get going.

I had horrible dreams last night. All about my Dad. I dreamt he was sleeping and he was very restless and not comfortable. Aparently, that is what his night actually was like. In the dream, there wasn't anything I could do. Hrm. Currently, there isn't anything I can do.

Today, I was talking to a friend who lost her mother. She asked if I had anything else I needed to say to Dad. I don't feel I do. I feel he taught me to love and to value people, and that he and I are in a good place. For a while, we had rough times, but gosh, that was close to 20 years ago. When I left last week, I thought saying goodbye to him might be "goodbye." If I get back again to see him again, I will be thrilled. Of course, I want him to stick around. I don't know what's possible though. I want to be optimistic.... Sigh.


I think my stomach was just stressed. I imagine it will be on and off again for a while.