Halloween is kicking me in the ...

tail.

I'm a black cat this Halloween... (in remembrance of Beloved Kitty)

We had preschool and Pre-K parties. We had first-grade too. MWH went to first-grade, but he was all twitchy about wanting to get back to work. Work, shmork. It's Halloween.

I've had a couple of crying meltdowns. It all started because we didn't have eggs last night. Having a nanny is great sometimes and other times it isn't. It's NOT a big deal, but I was very frustrated today. Bleh. Maybe someday I won't be overwhelmed. I thought I was doing okay until today--not great, but okay, however I am certain I am not doing well.

Now I feel like I am a loser. What would a loser wear for Halloween?

I think the 3 little girls are having a good day. I just put two of them down for a nap. oNe is out creating angel wings for her kitty to wear. He's going to love wearing them... NOT. Heh.

Okay... I should do a teeny bit of work while I can.

I don't think

I don't think tomorrow will be magically different, but I think it will be better than today.

Today marks the day my friend died one year ago. So many people miss her. I was very sad on the one year anniversary of when she had her stroke. I am even more sad today.

The day she collapsed was the day she stopped being. An email I received early after she collapsed told me there was little brain stem activity. Little brain stem activity meant there was really nothing left. We all hoped, but we all knew that unless there was a miracle she would never be again. (Almost all of her friends study the brain in some way, direct or indirect. We knew.) So even though I knew she was gone the day she collapsed, I still find the day her body was taken off of life support to be a very sad day. I don't understand why I find it so sad because, logically, I know the day she collapsed was the day she ceased to be.

Is this making sense? Probably not. There really isn't logic here. It's emotion. I just miss her.

I am sad for the loss of my friend. I don't understand. She was young, looked like she was in good shape, ate healthy food, active, smart, a "good" person, a Mom... How can she be gone? I don't know if I'll ever understand. That sounds kind of dramatic, but again, it's emotion and I don't have to have a good logical reason. We all experience thing that make NO sense. This makes no sense to me.

To counteract

To counteract the NEGATIVE post below, I will tell you yesterday was a VERY fun day! MWH and I surprised the girls and took them to a Pumpkin Patch! (oNe had a day off from school.)

There were pony rides! Bouncy houses! Train rides! Lots to see and do! It was fun! The weather was very "FALL" weather. It was cool but not cold. It was a lovely day. I think the girls had a lot of fun! Pictures will appear on the other blog soon.

will be glad

1. I will be glad when the election is over. I am tired of worrying and wondering. I will vote. I hope you all vote. I hope things to make an improvement in our lives. I can't worry much more though.

2. I will be glad when we re-submit this thing. It is so frustrating that we have to re-do it. It should be under way right now, but I do think the timing is better to start next year. Doing this kind of thing, even in "low stress mode" creates anxiety. You're putting your work out there to be scrutinized so that others may decide your fate. Bleh.

I've been trying to explain to oNe what I'm doing. She says, "so tell them you're really nice and they should give you the funding." Heh.

Oh... on that post I linked to, it talks about how I might teach for OLU... I am teaching for OLU. I do like it. I am glad I did it. It's a lot of work, but I love what we're doing and studying and how it all works at OLU. I hope I get to do it again next fall.

3. I will be glad when my trip for OLU is over in November. It comes during the week oNe has two days off from school. Technically, I don't have to stay at all after the first day at OLU, but I want to stay at least one day... I can't decide about the rest of the trip... How long do I stay?

4. I will be glad when Thanksgiving break is here! (It's soooo soon!)

5. I will be glad when the cabinet maker emails me back about putting in our cabinets!

how come?

How come no one told me about this?

I like it better than the original.

I love the chickens just back from the shore.

Time...

We got more bad news today about my Dad and his kidneys. I still have questions, but I am guessing the doctor probably knows what he's talking about... It's just not good. It's very bad. I kind of knew how bad it most likely was from the blood work we have been getting, but I did go with a little bit of denial...

At some point, body parts start to fail. We haven't quite figured out how to help some medical issues. Maybe at some point we will. Dad's parts are failing. I. am. so. sad. I don't know "how long," probably no one knows exactly. I haven't asked. At some point we'll have more indication of "how long." My Mom is very, very, very, very sad. She has spent more years being married to him than many people live. That's the good. The bad is no matter how long, it is never enough.

Last night and this morning...

Last night, our cat C came to bed with fuzzies all over his face. MWH turned to me and said we've got to vacuum. C has been attacked by a dustbunny.

It was true. Poor C.

This morning, Alfr2d cleaned our room. Now I have to sort through several piles of paper that I picked up from the floor and placed on our bed so that Alfr2d could clean.

a cup of coffee

I was very grumpy yesterday.

Part of the reason was my morning section of my class.

In an effort to cheer myself up I got my hair cut very short (for me).
I had the world's BEST iced coffee (I didn't set out to, but it was a great blend).
I did Zumba.
The second section of my class went really well. I was pleased and I learned something about making what I want to happen happen.


I feel somewhat better today. I am still very worried about my Dad. He is scheduled to move to a nursing home. I am very sad.


Today we are scheduled to go to a Halloween Party. Little girls should be cute. Today we will have one bride and two black kitties. On Halloween we are supposed to have one bride, one black kitty and one skeleton.

twoK is learning all about our solar system. Two years ago oNe made this picture. I'll have to take pictures of twoK's work and post it. I know I'll post it on "the other" blog. I'm not sure if I'll post it here. Let me know if you want access to the other blog.

Three-a is sooooo learning her letters. I love it! When she hears a word that starts with s, she makes a squiggly line in the air with her finger.

GRUMPY

ME.

Best to not blog right now.

up down up down up down

The title reflects my emotions. They are related to a myriad of things.
(work, Dad, election, identity, sleep, oNe's class)

This will be a short post because I don't have any actual NEW information on my Dad. Well, I guess I do. He's most likely getting moved to a nursing home next week. We haven't given up hope that he could still recover enough to come home, but it's going to be harder if he's not getting physical therapy and occupational therapy every day.

My Mom finally spoke to someone (a doctor) who gave her a good opinion about whether Dad should/would get dialysis soon. This doctor was very knowledgeable about the kidneys but not actually a nephrologist and thought Dad probably wouldn't get dialysis until his kidney levels were a bit higher than they are now (when the C hits around 6). I'm not sure I think his is a good thing, but for some reason, they aren't asking my opinion. Mom didn't ask one of the questions I had, but maybe I can talk with someone else about my question.

Mom is working hard to figure things out for him. Keep thinking good thoughts for him.

Okay... Most go get ready for bed. Early class in the morning.

What else am I forgetting??

I forgot picture day at preschool today. twoK and Three-a were dressed in normal preschool/preK clothes today. That means, they were kind of "oldish" clothes. Perhaps even with a stain or two on the shirts... This preschool/preK doesn't believe in putting aprons on the kids when they paint. I send them to school in "pre-stained" clothes so that I don't have to be upset when they come home stained. You know, the first stain is always the worst.

Anyway, I'm really busy. I'm really stressed.

Right now, they are meeting about my father to determine "his fate." Okay, that's not what they are saying, but that's what is happening. They are figuring out whether he'll go in the hospital (I think he needs some dialysis) or if he goes to a nursing home. I am so hoping he goes to the hospital. He needs dialysis to feel better. He needs to feel better to eat more. He needs to eat more to get stronger. (Did I tell you he's lost 10 pounds in the last couple of weeks?) The rehabilitation center says he's not working hard enough. Dammit, of course he's not. His kidneys are NOT doing their job. His body is full of toxins. The toxins are keeping him from wanting to eat. The not eating is making him weaker and waste away. The wasting away is contributing to muscle loss and thus his kidneys have even a HARDER job.

Okay. Whew. Keep your fingers crossed that Dad gets to go get dialysis.

I'm working on our old proposal... I'll link back to a reference to it later.

My students are writing their papers and I almost insist that they iterate with me. This makes it a lot more work for me, but I feel it helps them significantly.

Okay... back to work for me.

New addiction

I love these!

I love the fact that they are called "Oh My!"

They are super yummy.

They are good for me!

Gardening

These peppers* are too funny.


*Feel free to say Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers... or change the double p to other letters. Your call.



(Still being G-rated over here... Just sharing some pictures of peppers.)

More on friends

But this time, it's about me.

I have some fabulous friends. They know who they are! My closest ones read this blog. In my class this fall, there's a woman who is a LOT like me. Last semester, I made a friend of one of my students. We hang and get coffee and talk on IM quite a bit. I really like her. It's fun when a student can become a friend. I felt a little odd since she was an undergraduate, but she's close to my age... (Less than 10 years... I'm not sure exactly, but I think she's 8.5 years younger than me. She's 30-something.)

Anyway, the student this semester is about 9 years older than me, but I really like how she's thinking and what she's doing. She has a daughter who is a year older than oNe. I imagine she will be my friend after the class. At the very least, I want to go down and visit her at her University (she's in another city) and see how she's using the technology she uses in her classes. Maybe it would be a trip with the family and oNe and her daughter could meet and play. I think her daughter and oNe would have fun.

There's two other women at oNe's school. Most mornings we chat. I like them both a lot. I haven't made very many friends with other Moms besides the group I joined right after oNe was born. I think both of them will probably become friends.... One of them lives VERY close to me and I should probably call her up and set up a play date. She has 3 boys and we have 3 girls... The other woman has 4 boys.

---

Of course, when I think about friends, I think about my friend who died. She died about a year ago... Actually on the 30th of this month. I have heard that it usually gets a little easier after the first year is over. I know it's a little easier than it was last November. Last November was awful. I was pretty much a zombie. I still miss her a great deal. It still feels like it can't possibly be real that she's gone. I keep thinking she's gone on a trip or something. I can't bring myself to delete her phone number from my cell phone.

I've tried to keep in touch with her husband, but he doesn't seem to want anything from me. I'm not that surprised. I was her friend. I liked him and he liked me, but we weren't the friends. Does that make sense? I think I'll go email him right now.

What's next?

Dad saw the surgeon today. The surgeon is pleased with the healing. The surgeon is not commenting on the poor functioning of Dad's kidneys. I am very displeased with the care that Dad is getting and the lack of commitment of the doctors. I guess, "it's not their job." The surgeon wasn't Dad's doctor, he was "the surgeon." Dad's "doctor" is the doctor at the Care Center where Dad is. This all sucks. I think for the most part, people believe that at a certain age, there's just not much more you can do.... I think Dad still has some kick left, but he's going to need quite a bit of help, but I'm not sure they are going to help him enough.

So anyway, Dad's kidney levels are still high and Mom is very sad. He had a decent day a couple of days ago, but now he's bad again. Recently, I thought maybe he was doing better (I can't remember when that was... it's all a little blurry.) We'll see what tomorrow brings. Today, one of my brothers told Mom, "Dad may not get to come home." I had a dream where another one of my brothers and I discussed Dad's likelihood of going home and we'd reached the same conclusion. It made me sad, but I wrote it off as a dream. Bleh.

I think I should probably book a trip home to see him and Mom soon. Big sigh. Dad is supposed to be home watching TV and being grumpy about something. Maybe cooking some spaghetti... Taking care of Mom. Just hanging out.

conference report

The fall conference is the "boring" conference. They just tell you how your child is "adjusting" to school. Both twoK and Three-a are doing great adjusting.

twoK's teacher characterized her as doing all of the activities, a little stubborn (I said that was a polite way to say it) and very talkative with the grown-ups. twoK doesn't have any "good friends" at school yet, but doesn't seem to mind. When I asked twoK about this, she said, she liked one girl and that girl liked twoK the day twoK was wearing the "sparkly princess shirt," but then that girl was friends with someone else and didn't want to play anymore. Ah, the joys of being a young girl.

Three-a's teacher described her as mellow, gentle, and very happy. I agree except for the gentle part. Three-a is sooooo happy. Three-a's teacher also said that Three-a doesn't really have any "good friends" yet. She said Three-a is very happy playing by herself.

I think the 3 little girls like their sisters so much they don't really have a huge need for other friends. I don't know if this is good or bad, or just how it is. When I was a kid, I didn't have siblings my own age so I did want friends.... kind of desperately in fact. I'm glad they don't have that problem. They have so much fun with each other. Right now, they are deeply involved playing a game about Lions (remember, Lion King is the obsession right now). They are all crawling around and I am sitting here on the couch. They don't want me involved, but they do want me near. Works well in my opinion.

Despite the fact that I am happy with how the interactions go around here, I'd love to hear thoughts from you all about this. What do you think?

need a new word

I need a new word for tired. I use exhausted a lot. I'm tired of all of the word for tired. I don't like the word worn-out. Bleh.

I just did a bit of work and now, I am going to take the rest of the afternoon OFF. I get to go to twoK and Three-a's school conferences. I am excited to hear how they are doing.

I don't think I told you about oNe's. It was last week. I'm in the classroom so much that it seems silly to have a conference, but Ms. FG did show some more of oNe's work and it was fun to talk about oNe. She's doing well. She's very "good" at school and is helpful. I don't know exactly where she is academically--know she's doing well. The school we attend has a lot of very smart kids. It's a public school, but it is a really good one. Sometimes I feel they could do more, but sometimes I think it's all good. I really like Ms. FG.

Okay... I'm going to go get some more coffee.

blogs

I've got 3 blogs going again.... This summer I was doing 3... One with my students, one for our family (grandparents) and this one... Now I'm doing 3 again... a first-grade one (fun!), this one, and our family one. Whew. And I'm teaching... Did I tell you I did like 40-some posts in our class discussion last week? Granted, they weren't LONG posts, but they were thoughtful. And I did lots of emails. And I went through 5 paper drafts. And we're working on two proposals? I'm guess I am only working on one right now... but I need to work on the other one.

I'm feeling a little, um, stretched thin.

Dad update.... it's a roller coaster. Two days ago it was awful, then yesterday it wasn't bad. Today was not as good as yesterday, but his kidney function numbers look slightly better. He's stubborn and doesn't always cooperate with the Physical Therapists. When a 190 pound man doesn't want to cooperate, it's hard.


More soon. Must go work on proposals.

Kindergarten babies

As oNe and I walked to her classroom other morning, we passed the kindergarten rooms and oNe said, "Kindergarten babies."

She's a big first grader now. Heh.

Probably

I'm probably just tired. I feel bleh. I should probably go take a quick shower and go to bed. Sleep helps.

Tonight, oNe asked me about my friend who died last year. I've been thinking a lot about that friend. I can't believe it's been almost a year. It still seems impossible to believe. I remember the night I heard she had suffered a stroke. I couldn't even really understand the words. The words made no sense when said near my friend's name.

Okay...

Yea, I should probably go to sleep.

Okay, I'll end on a cheerier note.

I tried a new Zumba class yesterday with a different teacher. It was pretty good, but not as good as my regular class, but if I can, I'll do 6 workouts this week. I'd be most impressed with myself. We'll see what happens. (My goal is to get about 8 hours of exercise a week. I'm currently at 4-5. I was at 5 until they canceled the Zumba class I liked on Saturdays. Bleh.)

I need to add lifting weights in the routine (again). I kept this up until I discovered Zumba. Then Zumba won. (Did I mention I <3 Zumba?) I need to do more weights. (I did do 3 or 4 minutes this morning and then the weights in aerobics class tonight, so today, I'm covered.)

(I think I want MWH and I to go see this trainer at the gym we go to. The trainer is supposed to be fabulous. I need a little butt-kicking to make myself lift. Part of it is that I'm not sure what I should be doing. I need more ideas! I have some videos, and I should do those, but I do prefer to be in a class. Maybe I should take a toning class... Hrm... )

I also want to take a yoga class, but I've never really done yoga and I feel like I don't know what to do. I think I'll watch a little of one on Friday and see what I think. That's a good start. Observing.


Okay... sleep now! (errr... shower and then sleep)

pretty please...

Three-a has started asking us to say "Pretty please" when we want something. For example, me, "Three-a please come here so I can brush your hair." Three-a: "Say pretty please. Me: "Pretty please, come here." Three-a: "I can't hear you. A little louder."

cute shoes

Three-a's new crocs. She wanted to wear them with her ruffly socks.

Brains

I just found this site.

Love it.

Check out these videos about the importance of exercise for the brain. There are 11 *SHORT* segments. Watch them all please.

high

Dad's creatinine is high. This isn't good. His kidneys are not working properly. I'm waiting until tomorrow to hear more. I am freaking out, but trying not to freak. I probably need to go see him again soon. Today he was telling Mom how he'd lived a long time and had a good life.

Count Down

It's almost our anniversary! 10 years!

MWH and I will go away for the _whole_night. Together. Woot.

twoK (4.25) asked to print a calendar off the web (from Starfall) for October and she's crossing off the days. She's very excited about Halloween. Today, she asked me if Daddy and I had packed for our evening away for our anniversary. She knows it's coming up this week and she thinks I should get ready. (Is that cute or what???)

For the anniversary, we're planning to stay at a really cool (and Green!) new hotel then go to a science museum and walk around and be geeky together on the actual anniversary. A friend laughed when I told her. It makes perfect sense to us. We both love science and we love each other. This friend didn't seem to think it was romantic or relaxing enough for an anniversary. It will be fun!

Today was oNe's parent/teacher conference and the teacher told us how much oNe loved science. Hrm. Where does she get that? She also was impressed with oNe's math abilities. She gets that from MWH. I'm okay in math, but he's our math genius. Go oNe. Be just like Daddy in regards to math!

Three-a wore some jeans to school today. They were oNe's and it is so strange to think Three-a is as big as oNe was when oNe wore the jeans. When oNe was 3, she seemed so BIG. oNe was the first kid and we needed her to be big. Now, with Three-a, we don't need her to be big because she is the baby. She'll always be little. She seems so little. Especially compared to oNe.

What else...

Oh yea, I want to do a kitties post, but not today. And I owe you a staples post. (I know you've been waiting for it. Almost.)

Oh..... one more. OLU called today. It was an automated message explaining it was a test of the "emergency communication system." My favorite part of the message was when it said, "If you don't receive this via email, phone or IM, log in and change your settings." Ummmm? Hrmmm? Maybe they need to re-think their message and the logic.

The homework

Miss FG emailed me back and told me not to worry about the homework I forgot to turn in for oNe. Apparently, it will be okay and I didn't ruin her entire future.

The toe

Today, at the park, I was playing. I was trying to do this monkey bar thing and I swung to try to make it across the bars and SLAMMED my big toe on my left foot in the ground. Apparently, I am taller than your average 5-12 year old (that's what the sign said the structure was made for). Oops. My toe is jammed very badly. I don't think it's broken, but boy does it hurt.

I hope it doesn't interfere with Zumba!

The Mom ate my homework

Last night, I was going through all oNe's papers and trying to get organized for today. I put her homework in her backpack. Then I got her "folder" ready. Then I didn't put her folder in her backpack.

This morning, I couldn't find her backpack... I had put it *somewhere*... I found the folder so I grabbed it and thought, no big deal, we have the folder.

I just realized I forgot to turn in her homework. D'OH! We didn't have the homework. Will oNe flunk out of first-grade now? Did I ruin her future?


I'm tired.

I'm stressed.

I think I need a different job.

less than 2 hours

I just dropped twoK and Three-a off at pre-K and pre-school. From the time the door shuts behind me as I walk out of their school until the time I have to go to oNe's school to pick her up is 2 hours. By the time I drive home, I get less than two hours. It's okay. I'm going to sit here for 5 minutes and then I'm going to go write some things for a new project for an hour and then I'll work on my teaching for 1/2 hour. Then it will be time for me to go get oNe.

I'm feeling a little busy. MWH can tell when I'm overwhelmed and stressed. Heh. I am sorry. It will be better soon. It's not that bad yet. I hope I can keep it at this level for the rest of this year and then be a little slower next year. At the moment, I have nothing new lined up for spring semester! I had planned to take this semester off from teaching, but then this new fabulous class came along. It's good. Really. Just busy.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. On the new project (proposal), I just figured out how we relate to it. I need to talk to my friend/colleague PS about it. It's good for us to be involved, but we are VERY different. Anyway... I should probably relax for my last two minutes.

Remind me to do a post about oNe's kitty and C-Kitty soon.

Dad update... Not much new. He's slowly making a little progress. He's very stubborn though.

it goes

I am a leeeeeetle busy with work right now. It's good. Class, is busy, but good too.

Zumba is awesome. (Yes, I had my formative years in the 80s--you got a problem with that?)

Dad is in the rehabilitation place getting lots o' therapy. We wait to see what he can do.

MWH is MWH and we're trying to figure out what to do for our anniversary.

Three-a is NOT napping. She's playing fairly quietly, but I am supposed to be getting a lot of work done and I am somewhat distracted by her cuteness.

I am behind on pictures.

Hey, I just realized that we haven't heard anything from our cabinet maker... He thought he'd be done with things by now. With all the Dad worries, I'd forgotten. Hrm. Must go email.

I must also go prepare food for a potluck dinner tonight. Wowza.

Feeling busy!

(Doesn't this post feel like a REALLY long twitter?)