so stuffy...

Since discovering Afrin, I've never had a cold where I've been stuffy, UNTIL THIS ONE. This cold is horrible. Whine, whine, complain, complain.

ouch

Last night, T (2.25) didn't ask to nurse. I had given her a snack (of pistachios) right before bed, and neither of us thought about it. I'm thinking about it today because, ouch, weaning hurts! We'll see if she wants to tonight or not. I'm guessing she will because she's coming down with the cold. (Sigh.)

I can't believe my baby is weaning. I had hoped we'd make it until she was 2. We did. I was going to stop when she was 3 for sure.... Any time she wants to now is fine with me. Can I possibly be getting my body back??? Wowza.

d'oh!

I am sick. Honest-to-gosh sick. I ache. I didn't sleep very well because I was feverish and having terrible dreams. I was so feverish I had to wake MWH up at 3:44 am to go get me some tylenol. I didn't want to wake him, but I knew walking over to the kitchen to find the tylenol would probably result in me collapsing and shivering and being on the floor all night.

We didn't have any adult tylenol, so he did math and I took some of the children's tylenol. It helped and about an hour later I was able to fall asleep and sleep decently (not feverishly) until 8.

Now, it's 10:30 am and my head hurts. I had to break out the Afrin last night. It sucks to be sick.

Usually stuff doesn't get me like this, but this one has kicked me hard! I think I feel worse than I did when I had bronchitis last spring. Fortunately, I know K (3.5) (the vector for this illness) is mostly better now.... She was really sick on Wednesday... She was only really sick for 12-24 hours. Hopefully I'll be the same.

It's funny, whenever I get the cold/illness they had, I suddenly have insights to their requests... This time, K kept asking for "water with ice...." She normally drinks water no ice. I understand now... My mouth feels like it's on fire. Not unusual for a fever/illness, but now I get it. Sometimes you have to beat me over the head for me to understand.

Excuse me while I fall asleep now.

froggy

I sound like one. K's croupy cold went straight to my throat. Here's hoping I don't get a stuffy head. Go Zicam...keep me from needing my friend Afrin the wonder drug.

In other medical news, I didn't go to the cafeteria today and I didn't get a migrito!

I did forget something...

I didn't forget a whole project at work, but I forgot I have to write a report for the C-project. It's okay though because some of what goes in the report will go in the paper. Even if part of the report doesn't end up in the paper, it will help inform the paper.

improvement

I had a meeting today about 2 projects. I want to work on them both, but right now I don't have any time. The good news is that I will still work on them both, but not for many months. Woo-hoo. It was a good meeting. I was a little worried because this was part of the history of my relationship with the person I met with today. Our relationship has greatly improved.

The work improvement is that I now just have 2 projects taking my time and one idea I need to start writing about for a proposal... I think that's it for work, unless I'm forgetting something... Given my brain it's entirely likely I'm forgetting something. (I went to pick up N (5.75) at school today and I almost drove to K's school instead. Fortunately K's school is on the way to N's school from my work! Whew!)

I need to FOCUS. Having only have 3 things to worry about at work, writing the C-paper and the I-paper, and writing up my idea will hlep me focus. Three things are easier to keep track of than 5 things. Yippee!!! I have two less projects! Happy Dance!

Also, I will be teaching next semester too so that makes me responsible for 4 things. It will be the same class. I am excited to do it again. It will be good to do it again. I'll be doing most things the same, but adding in a new twist to make things work a little better (or at least that is the goal). I feel like this class is ending in a place that is better than I would have predicted in early November. In early November, I was reeling from the loss of my friend DK, so it's not surprising I wasn't very optimistic about this class.

I'm in a much better place about DK right now. I don't know if I temporarily put it away because I needed to so that I could survive the semester, or if I'm healing. I am guessing I temporarily put it away, but perhaps I will have a better perspective on it in a few more weeks. I imagine it will take a lot more processing in a few weeks.

I spoke to all three of the people who were close to her at my work today too. One of them just got hit with feeling overwhelmed by it again, one of them sounds about like me, and the other one, I just don't know him well enough to know how he is doing. The one who is feeling overwhelmed again just can't believe how hard it hit him. It is such a huge loss. Okay... stopping now...

Yea, I definitely have a great deal more processing to do. I guess I should be happy I can compartmentalize.

fighting....

I'm fighting off K's (3.5) cold. So is MWH. Go Zicam, go!

Welcome back!

I haven't had time to say, welcome back to my friend who was abroad for ~1.25 years.

I've only gotten to see her one time (so far) since she's been back, but I am excited she's here. (Last week, when I I was busy, she wasn't busy, then she was busy and I wasn't, and now we'll see how long till we can do something fun!) I'm very glad she's back. I hope she gets over the jet-lag and the stress from the move soon. I have to put her new phone number in my cell phone so I can call her at random times.... (Call me on my cell so I can get your number in there! I don't have it yet, that's part of the reason I can't call! Having her number, my phone, and quiet at all the same time hasn't happened yet.)

Anyway, yippee!

bark... whine...

K (3.5) sounds pretty barky. She had croup 2 years ago. She's bigger now than she was then, so theoretically croup should be easier this time around. She sounds all breathy as she breathes... Sigh.

I went to work today, and I felt the start of a migrito. The cafeteria is triggering them I think. The cafeteria has a grill and it's pretty smokey in there. As I was grabbing some lunch to take back to my office, I felt a twinge of the migrito starting in my right forehead... Literally, the first twinge! I got out of the cafeteria as quickly as possible and took some ibuprofen with my lunch. So far, it's not too bad. I'm a little more light sensitive on this one than I was on the last two, but I'm less shakey.

Verklempt

Look! I'm not going to complain about my students. I'm going to be proud of one for a moment.

I'm not actually grading yet. I'm doing the first read/skim through the papers to orient myself. I see issues, but I also see significant progress in some of their papers.

One student, when we started the paper, was very resistant. She repeatedly told me how she had no idea what topic she would want because she wasn't interested in learning about any of it. (She pretty much said those exact words.) Flabbergasted was my internal reaction, but I summoned every ounce of patience and encouragement I could for her and helped her find a topic.

At the beginning of the semester, I told my students I wanted to help them write the best papers they had ever written. I am guessing for this resistant student this was one of her best papers--she worked really hard. I am thrilled with what I saw when I skimmed her paper. I doubt it's an A paper, but it might be a B paper.

Since this is a student who "just wants to pass" (she told me this too), I'm sure she'll be dancing if she receives a B. I am pretty sure she will pass the class given her performance on the paper. Best of all, I think she might have learned something too! Yippee!

This, my friends, is why I like to teach. I'll report back.

Inventing...

I'm inventing a new kind of headache. I'm going to call it a migrito headache. The name means, little migraine. If I don't go with migrito, I could call it a migraine-y headache as Buffy might. This type of headache lasts for days, makes you shakey and a little queasy, but not too bad, and is most likely triggered by extreme stress.

The migrito or migraine-y doesn't have full-on auras, nor are you really sensitive to light, but you are slightly sensitive to light, especially direct sunlight, and flickering light makes you want to throw-up. You often grab whatever part of your head hurts and moan.

I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow, but the last two times I've been at work I've come home with either a migrito or migraine-y. I'm scared to go to work tomorrow. Seriously. I am thinking of calling my supervisor and suggesting I work from home tomorrow because I have a lot to do and a headache would set me back a long way. I don't have time for a big bad headache, or even a little 2-3 day long migrito.


Please, vote on the name you prefer in the comments!

#2

K (3.5) has a cold... There was a baby at the park on Saturday... His nose was running. K was hugging him. I was trying to get her to stop. She loves babies.

Sigh.

Perhaps?

Perhaps some of the things I've been saying are are finally starting to become part of my own understanding. I hope so... I have to keep saying them over and over to "get it."

More on my class soon. I have lots to tell you...

1) The student who brought me chocolates...
2) The totally stressed out student who I like very much but is still driving me crazy...
3) All about the papers I'm grading
4) How one of my students said something in class today that was unbelievably annoying ...

Last semester, one of my students actually asked me, "Are you going say anything important today?" She had come in to class to tell me she was going to miss that day because she had to study for a test for another class. That's fine. She's an adult and can make her own mind up about the top priority...

However, asking if I was going to say anything important "that day" was an insult. Pretty much every professor will tell a student, "Everything I say is important." It's not because we think we are the bees-knees, but because we are the person assessing the performance in the class--if you listen to a professor, chances are you'll do better in the class!

Lecture over.

Two more...

My hair... I spent 5 whole minutes styling my hair this morning, and I was thrilled with the outcome. Usually I get 20 seconds time for styling. If I spent a little more time on my hair would I always like it this much? Or do I like it today because I'm due for a trim on Tuesday. Now I have to decide what to tell her... Do I have her trim it or not.... Yikes... Decisions!

---

Today, we ate at one of our favorite restaurants... It's one MWH and I love, but we usually don't take the girls to it (I'm not sure if we have since K was teeny tiny). They liked it! Woo-hoo. Now we'll be able to go there more often. It's a tad crazy busy at lunch time, but maybe we can time it better in the future and miss the rush. We took our hike/walk today. It went pretty well, but either we need two strollers (jogging and double) or we need to bring N's bike so she can ride and one of us can keep up with her. My goal is to be able to do this at least once a month on a weekend day (and ideally twice a month!).


We're definitely entering a new era around here with new bigger kid activities now. The three little girls are so different than they were last year. It's nice to have it be a little less stressful when we go out, and to be able to do more!


(And, no, we didn't make it to look at couches. We chose to take the walk/hike. It was a nice day--and that made it hard to want to go inside to shop!)

Excellent

Warning: A very boring post, read at your own risk.

All 3 little girls took a nap yesterday... N (5.75) hasn't napped for two years (except on the very odd/sick day). It was EXCELLENT!

This morning, I woke up at 7:30, but told myself only getting 6 hours of sleep was ridiculous when it was a holiday weekend. I gave myself a talking to and told myself I should take the opportunity to go back to sleep. (I told myself I should NOT get up and work.) I went back to sleep for 2 more glorious hours. Note: I am stressed.... I dreamt about working, but I think dreaming about working is less bad than getting up early and doing work. What do you think?

At 9:30, N and K (3.5) got up and happily watched Caillou and Super WHY! until MWH and I were willing to get up and feed them. (They woke us up, but you can't complain about 9:30!) T (2.25) is still asleep! It's 11:30. I think we were all pretty tired.

I love long lazy weekends. Today, we're going to go eat at a favorite restaurant (for lunch), talk a longish walk/hike and hopefully have time to go look at couches (we have no furniture in our living room).

Someday I'll have to post what we did accomplish this year in the house despite everything else.... Yesterday we looked at new kitchen chairs. I think we found some that both MWH and I think are comfortable. Now we have to go back and pick out color (for fabric seat) and wood color for the frame. (Hopefully we can do this in the next couple of weeks. It would be nice to have chairs by the new year, though we might not be able to get them even if we ordered this week... The end of the year is coming too soon.) I still have to tackle organizing all of the papers the girls bring home from preschool, but n3nny is willing to help. She's good! Someday I'm going to have to tell you more about her.

End boring post.

Hope all of you are having nice long lazy weekends too!

Thankful...

Yesterday, I was thankful when I finished my Thanksgiving grocery shopping. I don't think the parking lot at Whole Foods had very many thankful people in it. It was not pretty. In fact, it was downright ugly.

When you think about the original Thanksgiving, the holiday today is a bit shocking. People get way to stressed about holidays. The people at the grocery store and the parking lot were prime examples. I got honked at when I backed out of my parking space. It was by someone who was trying to leave too. They were "done" so they wanted out of there. I was done too. I wanted out of there. The honk was unnecessary. Of course, they could have accidentally hit the horn, but the grimace on their face told me they meant the honk.

Today, I am very thankful to be getting together with some friends and not cooking the traditional Thanksgiving dinner. We're going to hang and eat our favorite foods and watch the kids play. I'm thankful for all of the giggles I got when I tickled T (2.25). I am thankful for how sweet K (3.5) was when we went and got coffee. I am also thankful for N (5.75) and how much she teaches her little sisters. It is amazing to watch. Of course, I am thankful for MWH. He is my wonderful husband. Today, I cleaned the sink in the kitchen and realized I've only done this twice since we moved in the house. The sink is usually clean because MWH cleans it when he washes the dishes*. (That alone would earn him the name MWH.)



*Earlier today, I saw a man wearing a shirt that said, "Hug the dishwasher." I think MWH needs that shirt!

Another Headache...

I got another headache today. Sigh. It hurts. I'm shakey. I feel crappy. I don't even think I am as stressed as I was last week. More later.... (Note to self, I got the headache at work. I think I got the last headache whiile I was at work... Is it stress, or is it being triggered by some environmental factor at work? Gotta determine the cause. Oh my aching head!)

Class

I'm grading... I'm done now. It wasn't as bad as I was anticipating, but I get to do it again! In a week! Woo-hoo! (That was sarcasm if you couldn't tell.) I feel good after I'm done grading, and it's not even (too) bad while I'm doing it, but thinking about having to sit down with a huge pile of (most likely) poorly written papers isn't fun.

---

Did I tell you about the professor who teaches right after me in the same room? The other day, when he came in, one of my students was standing and waiting for me to talk. He said Hi to her. She was friendly and said Hi to him. Then he started chatting more with her as I packed up my stuff. I realized he thought she was one of his students. He confirmed this by asking if she had a specific question a few seconds later.

I was stunned! How could a person teach a class for almost a semester and NOT recognize if a student was in the class? I honestly think the poor man is overwhelmed, but I was embarrassed by his mistake. I make it a goal to learn all of the names of my students in the first month. I try to learn them more quickly, but some of them don't show up in class very often and it makes it hard!

---

One of my students thanked me for feedback on her paper. I created quite a bit of writing in the class because I wanted them to write higher quality papers. We'll see if it worked. The problem is, I haven't taught this class before, so I'm not sure the level of quality the papers would normally show. The other instructor who has taught this class before says student quality varies a great deal between classes. In some ways, I think my students are doing pretty well, and in other ways, not. I'll have to go into this later though.

A huge pile of ...

Crocs!

Heh.

Yesterday, we had the girls at the mall. They each got their second pair of crocs. K (3.5) has yellow and hot pink. T (2.25) has pink and red. N (5.75) has pink and orange. We accessorized too. K has a Cinderella jibbitz, T has a "Baby Jaguar" and N has a peppermint candy.

I stood in front of the display and considered buying a second pair for me. I have black mary-janes. As I stood there considering, I realized I probably shouldn't buy another pair--I remembered I already have a second pair. I have croc flip-flops too.

I bought my first pair in August when I was worried I had Plantar Fasciitis. I know it is very painful. My feet were very sore. I iced a lot and tried to wear good shoes. I got some crocs because I'd read they could help with Plantar Fasciitis. I didn't want it to get worse if it was Plantar Fasciitis. My sister-in-law had it and was unable to exercise (walk or aerobics) for MONTHS. I watched how hard it was on her. My feet felt better almost immediately after I started wearing crocs. I LOVE THEM. I wear them most days. I try not to wear them every day, but it's hard not to wear them.

My girls love them. They are kind of silly looking--I resisted buying them for a LONG time. I'm a croc-convert now. I'm trying to get MWH to try on a pair. Heh. The girls think he'd look good in bright green. I told him they had brown. He's holding out against them. We'll see!

Quotes.....

I've missed recording some great quotes from MWH lately. Sigh. It just goes to show how much time and energy grieving is taking.

For your brain...

Great post over here.

Headache...

I've had a headache for a few days now. It's the same headache.... I wake up with it. I'm pretty sure it's stress related. If you haven't noticed, I'm not doing well. It will get better. I don't know when, but it will. I haven't cried (yet) today, and I think that's a good sign.

Today, I am working really hard on relaxing a bit so my head will stop pounding. MWH (earns his name again) took this afternoon off work to help me. He picked up K (3.5) from preschool while I spent an hour trying to take a nap. I tried really hard, and it didn't work. I get a lot of sleep at night, so I'm not really tired. It would have been good for my head to nap, but at least I am laying down. Oh my aching head!

Today, I've taken 3 ibuprofen and two tylenol in an attempt to rid my headache. It's probably time to take some more tylenol.

If you want cheerier posts, go to the other blog. If you don't know the URL, leave me a comment with your email or send me an email virtual_jk at yahoo dot com ...

What I learned today...

Grief is not depression.

There is no timetable.

There is nothing one can do to ease the pain.

I'm not supposed to grieve alone.

I am not supposed to be too independent during this time. I am supposed to let others help me.

The sudden, unexpected nature of my friend's death may make it a harder grieving process.

The fact that I didn't get to see my friend for dinner when I was supposed to because our nanny quit without notice bothers me a great deal. Since I have unfinished business my grief may take longer to resolve. It was good unfinished business with my friend, but I feel I had many things I wanted to do with her. All of the things we were supposed, and didn't get the opportunity to do are really weighing on me. (My friend was very understanding why I couldn't make dinner that night, and we planned to have dinner soon, but for some reason having not gotten to have dinner with her makes me feel like I failed her as a friend. Sigh.)

I learned the things listed above from this web site.



I realized yesterday, if my friend were alive, I wouldn't be thinking about her this much. This made me cry.

My supervisor thinks I should see a grief counselor. As is usually the case, I agree with him.

Not a Vulcan...

I am learning I am not a Vulcan. I find myself tearing up at the slightest thing. I tear up when I'm happy and sad. I tear up when someone tells me a good story. I love to laugh, and I don't like being this "cry-y".

Jeez, I didn't do this when I was pregnant. My emotions were under control then. I only had one or two "moments of crying" with each pregnancy--lots of paranoia about health issues, but I didn't cry. (In general, MWH was very lucky in regards to my emotions. I was very even during pregnancy.) All this crying is not working for my identity as a Vulcan. Logic and rationality are things I hold dear.

I'm sure all this sensitivity is making me a better person, but I liked the logical me. I'm sure I'll get "back in control" and not be quite so sensitive. I'm glad I started out as a Vulcan because if I was emotional to start, I can only imagine what I'd be like I'd be now! I don't think it would be pretty.

phone call

I called one of my friends tonight.... She answered and then said, "Dora's over, dinner just hit the table, and it's one of those nights."

I said, "Enough said."

We hung up quickly.

She has 3 little ones too.

Conclusion...

I have come to the conclusion that where I work, there are some insane folks. I work really hard, but what they are trying to do on one project is, um, unrealistic. I'm sure we'll figure something out, but wowza. What I'm not sure about is whether I will be able to stay involved.

(File under 5 three-letter groups come together for a Big Project with 3 letters.)

Strategies!

Because I'm a geek and I like to note cognitive developments....

The other day, N (5.75) asked how to spell the name of one of her friends. We were downstairs. I told her and she ran upstairs repeating the letters of her friend's name over and over... _ - _ - _ -_ It's one of the first times I've seen her repeat information to remember it.

I could...

I could do a longer post about how things are going, but I don't feel like it. I've started a post about things several times, but I can't quite figure out all I want to say or how to say it. I'm distracted and overwhelmed. I'm tired and sad. I'm stressed.

I don't understand it when I think, "DK is dead." The words do not make sense to me. I don't believe it. I keep thinking maybe it's a bad dream, but it seems to be continuing and everyone I know seems to be having the same dream. That's where I am. I think about her husband and I can't even imagine what he's experiencing.

It just doesn't make sense.

Thanksgiving

I think I just volunteered to host T-giving at my house. It's good. I just haven't made a turkey for many years and I need to figure out a good stuffing recipe. Any suggestions?

heh. (technology)

Heh.

My schedule...

I often call myself a victim of my own schedule, or say that my life is a moving target.

Take this for example. I recently double-booked myself. I agreed to a meeting during the time I'd scheduled for my next haircut. I was going to change the haircut, but it's such a pain to do it over the phone, I decided to go in to the salon. Before I could make it in to do the change, the conflicting meeting moved (3 times). It's a good thing to procrastinate sometimes, eh?

The Internet Installer Guy....

Heh. It's a post with a funny story (or at least not a depressing story). Can you believe it? From me? Coming your way?


On Tuesday, we were getting equipment installed for a new ISP (internet service provider). They came to install the modem, run some wires through our house, and do lots of stuff. They were here from 9:30 am until 8 pm. IT WAS A LONG DAY for both them and us. Things aren't quite all the way working, but they are mostly stable and they'll be back next week to finish it all. Pain is sometimes what happens when you are an early adopter of technology... Wait. I digress... This is the FUNNY story...(Or, at least, not depressing.)

Okay...

While waiting for the installers to leave, I was watching a video with the girls. It's hard to let your girls run around the house when 1) they have drills and stuff laying around and 2) the opening to the crawl space under the house is exposed and 3) all three of your little girls like to go in opposite directions.

Since we were watching a video, I had my laptop and was reading blogs. I'm a little bored with Charlotte's Web 2. I've seen it a few times. (If you have a small child, I highly recommend it. It's not the literary achievement Charlotte's Web was, but it's very innocuous and the death theme isn't there, which can be scary for children, and the girls like it.)

Oh yea, funny story...

Me watching video and reading blogs... I read Cecily's blog post from Monday. Not that exciting... It left me wanting more. I followed the link to the pictures of b*re*as*ts. Who doesn't like to see b*re*as*ts? We are all curious! Anyway, I started browsing and reading the stories about the Uncovered Project. It was interesting. MWH came home and I showed him the b*re*as*ts. He was good with the b*re*as*ts thing. Heh. Then I shut my computer and left it downstairs while he stayed with the girls and the Internet Guy and I went up to cook dinner.

When the Internet Guy was ready to configure the Internet for us, MWH grabbed my computer. He opened it and there were the b*re*as*ts. Heh. We don't know if the Internet Guy saw them or not. MWH shut the page quickly. Poor MWH. I set him up..... I didn't mean to. He and I both think it's pretty funny. (I probably think it's a bit funnier than he does though since I wasn't the one who was embarrassed.)

I have no problem with b*re*as*ts, looking at them, showing pictures of them to someone else, or in even showing mine... The problem I have is b*re*as*ts are taboo in our society.* I don't show mine to other people (even nursing, I was amazingly discreet!) because I don't like to make other people uncomfortable.

I'm guessing the Internet Installer Guy was okay with seeing the b*re*as*ts if he saw them. What do you think?

Any embarrassing or funny stories for me? If they involve b*re*as*ts or not, please share! I need distraction!




*I only spell it out with asterisks because I don't want people coming here looking for pictures and being disappointed.

Untitled 4

I am exhausted. Tonight, K (3.5) kept telling me, "You look exhausted, Mommy." Yup, thanks. There's more coming at you about today later, but I'm too tired. You'd be tired too if you'd spent most of the days in tears. I am such a mess.

I can't believe my friend is gone. She's gone. How could this be possible? She's supposed to be reading my blog and we're supposed to be finding time to get together.... And complaining about some of the work we have to do, and ... YOU KNOW... REGULAR STUFF. This is just not right.

Today, I went to the doctor. It was just the annual check-up. In the last year, I have "officially" lost 7 pounds (without dieting!). It was great seeing my doctor. She was very sweet. She talked with me about a friend she lost, in a manner similar to the situation I have just experienced. She said two years later, for her, it's still hard. She talked with me about some other things. She asked me if I was going to be 39 on my next birthday. I looked at her stunned and said, "Good grief, I hope I'm not going to be that old, let me do some math." After some very difficult calculations, it turns out I AM going to be that old. How did this happen???? Thirty-nine sounds significantly older to me than 38. Why is that? It's interesting, I found turning 29 much harder than turning 30 was. Now, 39 sounds very old to me. Maybe 40 won't be too bad.

Given this aging thing, and my quest to get past my mere mortal status, I have a new idol....Jack. He is very amazing. Because of him, I'm making it a goal to work out more, lift more weights, and eat better. I'll write more about Jack later. Tired now.

(4 topics for Untitled 4)

Cough.... Sneeze... Sniffle.......

Guess what N (5.75) brought home from school?

Yup, cold #1 of the fall.

Email update

I found her email in my email... I didn't dream it. Whew! I thought I was losing it. It had gotten routed to my trashcan, because my client thought it was junk, and I'm guessing that is why I saw it momentarily on the blackberry, and then it disappeared. I understand what happened, but don't feel like writing it all out, so trust me, it was logical and not a Twilight Zone thing. Last night, I was tired. This morning I was tired... That's why it seemed twilight-zoney.

I'm trying to keep it together and do really good work, and teach my class well, and be a good mom and wife, but I am overwhelmed. Life is hard. When I'm feeling sorry for myself, like this, I think about my friend and how she'd be glad to be here being overwhelmed. And then I cry.

I don't know how long I'm supposed to feel like this. Everyone keeps telling me it will take a long time. I am not the most patient person. I am fairly patient when I know how long things are supposed to take, but not good when I am in an uncertain situation. I guess I'm normal.

This is driving me crazy...

Last night, I set the alarm clock on my crackberry... It's how I wake up every morning. After the alarm goes off in the morning, I usually turn it off and check email ... Remember, I am a geek!

As I was setting the alarm, I checked email. I read an email from a student who is annoying and whiny (all the time not just in the email, but she was in fine-form in the email--I believe she accused me of ruining her life, or close to it). She wanted me to review something she'd sent me at 10 pm Monday. It was 11:30 pm Tuesday. I hadn't yet gotten to it. I had read it, but I really wasn't sure what to say to her. She's difficult to communicate via email (she freaks out if I say anything that is remotely critical, even if it's constructive), and I had decided earlier it would be easier to talk with her in class today.

After I got the (annoying) email at 11:30, I decided I'd go ahead and reply. I put the crackberry down and got on the computer. I checked email and the message from her wasn't there. I went back to the crackberry and it wasn't there. I checked email through the web interface instead of through my email client. Nope, nada. I searched and searched... Nowhere to be found....

I went ahead and replied to the email she'd sent the day before, and gave her some feedback. But what happened to the annoying email????

Did I dream the email? Did a higher power delete it because it was so annoying and whiny? Was there a terrible technical flux? What do you think happened? Help me here... Or tell me your unsolved email mysteries.

(Play twilight zone music....)

Untitled 3

Yesterday, I was in an 8 hour intense workshop for work. 8 hours of non-stop thinking. Whoa. 4 statistical techniques were discussed. My brain hurt a little last night. Now, I feel good because one protective factor against Alzheimer's Disease is to stay mentally active. I was very mentally active yesterday. It was fun (in a sick, demented, academic way). Heh.

N3nny is great. The girls love her. They seem happier with her than they were with MP (at the end). MP was bringing us down. MWH and I both are happier with N3nny. It was a big pain, but we are glad the switch is done. The unfortunate thing is how MP was dishonest with us. Two days before she walked out, she was pledging her undying love and devotion to our family. This memory bothers me a great deal. How could she have been so dishonest. How could I have believed her? I guess I believed her because I say what I mean. I'd never say I wanted to make something work if I didn't truly mean it.

Maint Req'd is what my car dashboard is telling me. I'm sure it just means it's time to go in for th 60K check-up. I have no idea when I'm going to find time to drop off my car. Everytime I see the little light on the dashboard I think of my friend. I wish she'd had a little warning light on her forehead to let us know something was wrong. Sigh.

(I must end this post now since I have 3 topics. Untitled 3 is now the third untitled post and has 3 topics in it. I like the three theme. This, in parentheses, does not count as a topic.)

change agent

Last year, at work, the date our insurance benefits changes were due were difficult impossible to find on the human resources web site. I literally spent 1/2 hour (or more) digging for them before giving up and emailing to ask what the date was and where I could find it. They replied with the date and said, "We can't put the date on the web site because it changes each year and it's too hard to change the web site." After silently cursing them for having a difficult procedure which shouldn't be difficult, I nicely suggested they put the date on the calendar which is theoretically easy to change and will still help people.

Voila. This year, the dates are on the calendar!

Time change 2007

Every year, I really don't like this day. You can read more about why at that post. The little girls will go

This morning, I woke up at 7:30, but it was actually 6:30 given the time change. I got a couple of hours of work done before the little girls woke up, but then by noon (1 pm for my body), I was exhausted.

Today is probably even more tired because yesterday was a very emotionally draining day. We went to the services for my friend. I am still in disbelief that she is dead.

Someday I'll be cheerier. In the meantime, the other blog has more cute little girl stories and pictures. Leave me a comment or email me if you want to see it and don't know the URL.

Groove

This fall hasn't been necessarily easy. Having N start kindergarten was exciting, but a bigger adjustment than I was expecting. Having MP walk out was difficult. Losing my friend is the hardest. All I ever wanted was to have a schedule and to get into a groove. Apparently, I am asking for too much.

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It's not been all gloom this week. My friend would have wanted me to have fun and remember the good things too. She would say, "C'mon JK, stop mourning me already." She was very practical. I miss her. I will keep mourning her, but I will also make sure I enjoy life--she'd want me to be happy.


1. Halloween. The girls loved trick-or-treating! T (2) was really good. She'd say TRICK-OR-TREAT in a nice loud voice, and then thank you (unprompted) when she got the candy!

We hung with our neighbors on Sunday and carved pumpkins. On the night of Halloween, we had them over for pizza and went trick-or-treating with them. Very nice. I'm hoping we can make this a tradition!

2. Jake. Except for when he cried all night and contributed to my inability to sleep. The good thing... I learned I want a lab-mix, not a full-lab when we get a dog. (I'd always ranked black labrador high on the list... Jake caused the ranking to go down a bit. He had so. much. energy.)

3. N3nny. She is a trooper and really, really sweet. Can you imagine having to put up with me this week? Really, I'm not bad, but just not motivated and very sad.

4. The girls. K's(3.5) got a boyfriend... She got dressed up for him, and then he wasn't in class today. She's been in a serious funk all day today. T (2) has one too... Only the boy has the thing for T. T could take him or leave him. (See #6 about N!)

5. Gymnastics. I just love going with the girls! K (3.5) wouldn't do class because her boyfriend wasn't there. She sat and watched. The teacher had to deal with her funk. (I'm so glad I didn't!)

6. Tooth fairy. She will be coming again tonight! N (5.75) lost her second tooth today! This is fun!

7. New project. At work, I'll be doing some fun, new stuff. I get to work with a friend I haven't worked with for a year (or so). She's smart and funny. I was in her office on Thursday and she said the f-word (doesn't offend me) more times than I could count. It was fun to be in her office again.

8. Fruit shakes with peas in them. K (3.5) has been very resistant to vegetables lately. I haven't gotten her to eat peas forever. Tonight, shhhhh, she's drinking some!

9. My A*%. My friend told me my a*% looked small in the jeans I was wearing. I could have kissed her. Heh.

10. Pregnant. No, not me!!!!!!!! A good friend is pregnant!!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!!!! It's the circle of life.

How?

How can she be gone? I spent tonight looking through photos to contribute to a memory book for her daughter. It is absolutely impossible for me to believe she is gone. The last pictures I have of her were taken July 19 and August 18. She looks so good. How could she be 2 and 3 months away from dying? HOW?

I am not sure if I saw her after 8/18. I know we got together and took the girls swimming one day after the 4th of July, but I can't remember if it was before or after 8/18. It seems important to know the last day I saw her.

The last time I spoke to her was 10/15. She collapsed ten days later. We usually spoke on the phone once to a couple of times a week, but we both understood if the other was busy. She was very busy. So was I. She had a big work event. I knew we'd talk after it. She had some things she wanted to discuss. We just knew there'd be time later to hang and chat.

Sigh.

We had a good last phone conversation. She had told me someone in [large city near by] was looking for someone with my background to teach a class. I said, [large city near by] was too far for me. I said, "What'd I'd really like to do is teach a class with you at [private university]." She thought it would be fun. I have no doubt, if she'd lived, we'd be scheming on how to make it happen, and that it would.

How is it possible she is gone?