Blog #2 2021 History

We count ourselves as lucky, and we are tired of being so isolated. (And this is probably part 2 of Mememememe....) (It's all from my perspective and I am trying not to talk about 3 little girls anymore because their stories aren't my story.)

I work at home. I am so sick of Zoom. 

We all got vaccinated by end of May. 

We took a driving trip to see family in June. 

We flew to the other coast for college visits and to see friends. So thankful we did that. 

MWH took oNe to school and twoK and I went to visit once and then MWH and I went again for family day.  twoK, Three-a, and I will go there again. We miss oNe.  MWH will stay home with kitties.

twoK is applying to college. Next year we will miss her!

Five cats are a lot of cats. Finding a cat sitter is hard. (See post above.)

I reconnected with some friends I went to school with a long time ago and it was wonderful. The only thing I like zoom for is to talk to them (L & J).

Still dancing. I guess I alsop like Zoom for classes with M.

Have had probably a handful of social events (outside of trips) and they have kept my soul alive.

I didn't think I was a very social person, but it turns out I am a human who needs connections.

We don't yet have a return date for work. I don't know what I want. I think 1-2 days a week might be good. I find it very hard to leave the house.

We have a work retreat coming up and I am simultaneously excited and scared.

twoK and Three-a are back at school. twoK switched schools for her senior year and is super happy. Three-a is enjoying extra-curricular activities and trying to 100% in every class.  Seriously, that kid. Over achieve much?

I'm tired of feeling like all I do is work. I work, I dance, and I'm a little bored. So much is the same and everyday blurs together. I lack motivation a lot, but fortunately, my job gives me a lot of external motivation and reward so I keep going. (I would probably shrivel up into a little ball if I didn't have this structure. So many people are feeling NOT right and a lot is because the things that made us happy are gone. Little things like waving to people we don't really know on our commute, to chit-chatting with baristas and growing to care about them and looking forward to saying hi. Our societal structure changed. It's not right. Then there are the big things like the polarization in the country. Families are getting ripped apart by it? Did I mention I'm not talking to one of my brothers? The one who spent lots of time with me when I was younger? It feels like he's dead to me, only worse, I don't care and this is awful. And then there is another person in my family who I love dearly and they decided that almost all of the family is evil an wrong.)

Okay... I feel better having written this short post. 

And later today I get to dance with people who have helped keep me sane. And 2 of those friends are having babies! Squeeee! And I will call a friend in another state tonight and she and I are going to plan a trip somewhere together.

Go Mental Health!

 (Edited to add updates from previous post)

Hair... switched color to overtone and have almost grown all the old permanent color out. SO EXCITED.  I miss regular haircuts. I don't like super long hair. I shed and when the hairs are so long it is gross.

Still doing body pump. Still not loving it but I learned I can listen to audio books and work out and it is SO. MUCH. LESS. BAD. I have books that I can only listen to when I work out and it is awesome.

Organizing... sort of... maybe over the next few months it will get better, I am NOT GOING to keep working 12 hour days ANYMORE.  Most of this year was 10-12 hour days. (See how blurry everything is above.)

I stopped cooking a lot. Super sad. The good news is twoK is doing a lot. She is a phenomenal cook.

I kept dancing a lot. 

I've been stretching a pretty good amount. Could do more but I am not doing horribly here and I'll take that as a win

Memememememe

 It's all about me.  I love the holiday break. I got a bit of a break and a chance to reflect. Wa.rning: this post will probably be boring to everyone but me. 

I didn't take as much time as I should have; it always takes me a few days to give myself permission to relax.  I probably stopped working around the 29th.  I did the teeniest bit after that, but not a lot. I was totally stressed out 27th-28th, made a plan about something, and then was able to stop. Now I need to find some stress to get restarted quickly tomorrow.  

The 28th - today: I took 3 hikes (er, 2 hikes with the whole family one long walk with a kiddo, a friend of kiddo and the mom of kiddo friend). I must say, I am pretty proud of us for 2 hikes as a family. We watched 2 or 3 movies, had a couple game nights with family, and I danced quite a bit.  Never as much as I want for ANYTHING. 

We had a cleaning party -- I want a cleaner more organized house in 2021.  I need to try to tackle this the way I do everything that really works for me -- some everyday so it's not super overwhelming.  I hate this.  I don't like cleaning. I never have. I miss our cleaner.  I want him first in line for the vaccine.  

I also miss my hair stylist, mostly for the color. Truth be told I am enjoying the ease of the "messy bun." I can be ready and on Zoom for work in NO time.  Note, this is awesome and sad. I have a feeling that the desire to keep the messy bun will influence the length of my hair (at least shoulder length now) for a while.  Did I tell you I chopped off 3-4 inches from my hair?  twoK helped but then I kept chopping little bits.

(And just to record it here so we don't forget: twoK gave Three-a a haircut.  Just to record it here, I've been cutting MWH's hair the whole time since last March. I've learned a lot about hair cuts. I keep getting better (have done 5- 6 so far) but I really can't wait until he can go back to his professional. It's stressful and I always worry I'm going to mess up. The one we did in early November was the one that was "almost" a big bad mistake -- we use clippers and then scissors and we used the wrong guide on the front sides, but fortunately his hair grows fast and this latest haircut fixed it.)

Fun stuff from break: I got to talk to my BFF from high school, and my BFF ex-colleague, and tap dance in the backyard.

2021 goals

More organizing

Stretch/roll/pilates more often.  (Maybe start a blog about that. I have this "thing" going on in my left hip. I don't know how long it's been happening but it's been a while and I need to try to figure it out and a blog will help me organize.)

More writing -- work 

Keep doing the Farmers Market and all the stuff associated with that (cooking those fresh vegetables so they don't get icky)

Keep doing Body Pump

Keep dancing (a lot)

Bleh

oNe is supposed to be away at college. Instead, she is home taking classes online. While I am delighted she is here I am also sad she is missing out on her freshman year.  The only good thing is she is not alone in the missing out. So many kids are. She wouldn't be happy there b/c she'd be scared. Maybe it would help her gain confidence, and maybe she'd learn and grow, but it feels bad to push a kid out of the nest during a pandemic. She wanted to stay home. Should I have made her go?  No is the answer I am at right now. She worries about 1) getting sick, 2) giving it to someone else, and 3) the long shot that the virus could affect her severely and long-term. These are her worries... mine too, but she actually worries more than me.

We could talk about twoK, she's the opposite and will be heading out the door first chance she gets, I believe. College is still 1.5 years away, but she is ready.  Every kid is different. She is ready to try out her wings.

One good thing is that I got to study with oNe (in my area of expertise) and help her prepare for her tests. I had a blast. I don't think this overrides the bad of her not being there. Another good thing: I am so happy she has her sisters. Sometimes there is much giggling, wrestling, late night talks. Hearing the giggles and the love makes my Mom heart smile.

Trichaos

Three teens in the house during pandemic... OH MY!

Not going to write about specific issues, but it's rough to be a teenager and to be locked down. Today, after online school got out, the 3 were gathered around the computer watching videos from their childhood and laughing together. It was so beautiful. It made my Mom heart happy.

There's a lot that is rough.  Lots of late night talks, lots of tears, and some anger.  I don't blame them at all. I would have been a lot worse.  But for now, we'll go with the laughter they share.  

Good Things in Pandemic

Farmer's Market -- every Sunday for fresh bread and broccoli (and onions, potatoes, carrots, strawberries, watermelon, and whatever jumps out at me). 

Body Pump (4 out of 5 of us do it together usually 3x a week) (I've gotten stronger)

Lots of great dance classes online.  From famous people.  So cool.

3 who cook and bake

3 who will clean

1 MWH who bakes bread 

Lots of black cats (or nearly black) -- this could also be a source of stress, but right now we're being positive.  I'll share more later.

Family Game night NEVER really before except holidays ... 3x since (we should do it again).  

Floss -- I found vegan floss! (Most of us are vegan.)

I don't know if this is a good thing, but I started doing Invisalign during pandemic.  It is ultimately a good thing and it's not very unpleasant.  So much better than braces.  Less appointments and much less pain. Two of the 3 did it and were very satisfied with the results.  

Lots of exciting work.

No more commuting.

Late night talks.  

Learning French with T (late at night).

Who knew I would have such a collection of masks?

pandemic

I started writing a long time ago, like March, and it looks like I lost much of the content of the post. Boo....  I had a timeline of things that happened.  I'll recreate it, but not today.  Today, I'm going to talk oNe.

In case you lost track, oNe just graduated from high school. From March - June, she should have been reveling in the last few months of school, and reflecting on her accomplishments, but NOPE. The class of 2020 got gypped. oNe is fabulous, smart, talented, beautiful and one of the kindest kids I know. I am biased but I feel lucky she is my daughter, and I am proud of who she is. I've always been excited to see what she'll do because of her unique and smart views.

I'll stop gushing, even though I could go on -- she is a super kid. Instead, today, I bring you parental angst around college. I want her to go away. Not because I don't like her, but quite the opposite, because I do. She got into a good school and it was a nice distance for her, not too close and not too far. She'd been nervous about college, but she really seemed to like the place -- from here on out, we'll call it BigU.

At the beginning of her senior year, I talked to my friends with freshmen in college and what the change was like. I began mentally preparing. I've always tried to enjoy what's coming and look for the best in it. I WANT oNe to be an independent adult. But then COVID19 and we don't understand the virus and new don't know how much damage it will do to a person.  oNe could get it and be fine or not. And now EVERY day, I have to worry about whether she will go or not.

I know people want to get back to normal, but I think we should pause to make sure we understand more about the virus, if it causes long-term health issues, and maybe some more treatments for it. One year will seem interminably long as we live through it, but I think 9/2021 is a lovely time to go away.  I am very strongly hoping she does her freshman year from her bedroom. As sad as that is, I think it makes sense.

I *think* she wants to stay home. I mean because of the virus.  I don't think she would normally, but because she is scared of spreading it to other people. I want her to stay home because this year, college won't be the same. It will be weird meeting other people because to be safe, you'll need a mask. Or be far apart.

About the virus, a COVID19 doctor says (and I don't have her name, I wish I did, but it was anonymous):

[There] are serious issues with long term effects. Just because covid doesnt kill you; it doesn’t mean you will ever be quite the same either.

new and fun

back from dentist…. good times… I had a reaction to the local anesthesia.
I started shaking, my hands, legs, and face went really numb… I was super dizzy.
the local anesthesia had epinephrine in it… I have been googling… found this: "You may also be allergic to additives or a combination medication. For example epinephrine is commonly combined with another drug called lidocaine and there have been some reports of allergic reactions to this combination."


(file under special snowflake)


This happened a while ago (maybe a month ago) ... I did some more research and found that indeed, I'm most likely not allergic to epinephrine, but that 1) either it went into a blood vessel and got to my heart, or 2) I am allergic to the combination / other additives.

Tired and distracted

Hey look another quarter, another blog post. The other day, I came to record a milestone and saw my previous post and started thinking about THB and forgot what I was doing. Sigh.

Okay. Why we are here today: our nanny of eight years, took a new job. For the first time in 17 years, we are without a nanny.  We should be able to handle this, right?  oNe drives now -- did I record that?  She passed her driving test first time, with no help from some cats who were sitting in the middle of the street.  It's super helpful to have her drive.

(Funny story, she turns out on to the street from the DMV and there are cats right in the middle of her lane.  Her choice was to 1) stop, 2) hit them, 3) cross the yellow line and not hit them but technically crossing the line is an instant fail.  She crossed the line and didn't faill  Yay.)

So, no nanny.  Our nanny was very wonderful. She finished school, and we knew she'd get a different job soon.  We're super happy for her, but of course we miss her.  She did much more than just take care of the girls.  She helped us figure out the crazy life and get everyone where they needed to be.  She cooked healthy food for us and kept up with the grocery list. One night, I came home to super organized cabinets in my kitchen.  She'd often go through the refrigerator and get rid of the "science experiments."

She was a super confidant for the girls, a great role model, and a good friend of the family.  She was calm and patient and a wonderful soul to have around.  She started working with us when she was just a little older than oNe is now.  That's kind of crazy. She grew up with the girls.  She's all grown up now and it is time for her to do something different.  We will miss you, C-Nanny! I didn't write about you much here because I don't write too much about "not my life" and you were always wonderful.  The blog used to be a place to vent. I never really needed to vent about you.  You were always honest and kind, a super hard worker, and very good at communicating. She and the girls really had a special bond. We were super lucky.

Below is a picture of a mug we got her... (Of course she got other things for 8 years, too.)

(One thing I just want to record...Because life has been crazy and we didn't think we'd get to work this Sunday, MWH and I both went last together on a Friday night to make up. Almost like a date.)

May

I looked at the last post as I came to write this one and the pain of losing THB came rushing back. A quick update -- right after, his people and his brother cat who was his littermate, was very sad. I think the brother cat is doing better now. The brother is twoK's cat, and I've never given him a nickname here, but from here on he'll be talking-cat because he meows a lot. He tried snuggling with our other kitty, aka B-cat (oNe's cat), but B-cat is not a snuggly one. B-cat and talking-cat play and have fun hanging out, and twoK's cat snuggles with twoK and me a lot.

We miss THB. Three-a, she was THB's girl, is ready for a new kitty. (Side note, talking-cat just came down the stairs to find me and meow at me.) We have started looking. I still have lots of worries about getting a new kitty and upsetting the household balance. A new kitty is lots of fun, and we're ready, but yikes! I'm also wondering, do we do two kitties or one? I would love siblings again. We'll know when we find the right cat(s).

What else... Oh, we'll be having a crazy summer adventure. I don't think I wrote about that. twoK was selected for a tremendous ballet experience this summer. We'll be traveling quite a bit. I'll blog more about it after the fact. (That's the policy around here, write about travel afterwards.)

 oNe is starting the college application roller coaster. She'll be a SENIOR this coming school year. How did that happen? How is it possible that yesterday marked 18 years ago since the day with two lines?  How have I been blogging here for almost 13 years? (Does making a post every quarter count as blogging?)

Other stuff... Work is eh... Not meh, and there are really fun times and then times I wonder why I'm doing it. I could see changing things up in a little while, or not. It kind of depends on what else happens (with my bestest colleague and potential new projects). I'll figure it out. Not worried about it, but wow, no one tells you how much you think about if you're happy or not with your work when you're younger.

 MWH seems like he's always pretty happy with work. He has a colleague who, um, if something can go wrong, it will for this guy. He's doing well, and you don't need to worry about him, but he makes MWH's life at work more *exciting*. MWH isn't a super fan of excitement... and yet, he has me and 3 girls... (who aren't so little any more). MWH, we love you.  (I wrote a little before about how MWH and I both find working out to be super important to keep us in balance, but I don't think I ever recorded that we go to a workout class together on Sunday mornings. I love that. XOXO, MWH.)

Very sad

We lost our THB... Last weekend. We are all super sad. oNe seemed mad about it. She's such a lover of animals. I don't think she was actually mad, but her sad looks mad. twoK was sad, but she felt that Three-a should get to be the saddest, I think. THB was Three-a's kitty. I don't feel like writing much more about it right now. We have THB's brother. He's sad like us, but slowly getting better. On another note, I've been fighting a migraine all week... Death/grief always gives me one. No aura, just massive headache and lots of forgetfulness.

January Kitty Report

I started a post at Christmas and wrote "Totally awesome day, not getting anything done..." I guess so, especially since I didn't finish the post. What's on my mind... THB... Do you remember this? He's been on treatment ever since the diagnosis. We've had two+ pretty good years. We worked hard to treasure every day. I didn't write much about THB because we'd only have a bad day every now and then. If he was a "normal" cat I probably wouldn't have noticed him sleeping more and eating less on one day, but because he has cancer I've been watching his every move and analyzing it for the last 2 years; yup, I noticed. He was 11-11.5 pounds when he first got sick. He was diagnosed at the end of October 2016 and he had to recover from the surgery he had (during which he was diagnosed). He did okay in November and December. A little dip in January and we switched medicine and then he held steady from February or March 2017(when we got all the medicine figured out) until about Sept-Oct 2018... Then he was 10.5-11... then 10-10.5... then 9.5-10....The other night he was 9.2. He continues to run around, fight with the other kitties, jump, ask to go outside, and all normal kitty things. He just doesn't want to eat. This new chemo is hard on him. He had his third dose 1.5 weeks ago. I hope he starts feeling better soon. The first two times we had 2-2.5 horrible weeks and then he looked good. He ate! He played... I'm waiting for him to start to feel better again. We love you THB. You are hilarious. You are big, tall, and you love string. You are IN CHARGE. You are totally spoiled.

Fall/Winter

The boring... I had a couple of migraines.... Beginning of October and November... (I keep track of them here on this blog. Why? Because back when I used to blog a lot, I started recording them here. Now, it's where the history is.) Moving on... oNe passed her driving test! We have some independence. She's been enjoying the freedom to do some solo driving for Christmas shopping. She also has new friends and a new activity that she likes to do and this will really help us. Our nanny is almost ready to start a new job. She's done with school and searching. She thinks she'll be with us at least until mid January. I'm not ready to give her up. When she leaves us, I'm going to have to get someone to help us. We've had a few weeks where she's not been here for her usual schedule because of school commitments, and MWH and I have felt the stress! We won't get a "nanny" but we'll need someone to help with driving, cooking, errands. I love to cook, but right now I'm so overloaded at work that I don't have time. Another thought about the driving... when the girls were first old enough to stay by themselves, it was incredibly freeing... Now that oNe can drive herself places, it's also incredibly freeing! Someday, I'll have to talk about the college process. Right now, it involves a lot of oNe looking very angry when I try to talk to her about it... or crying. She's done super well in school and on tests, so she'll get in somewhere, but she's so worried. twoK... Still dancing. This year has been stressful, but she's done amazingly well with all that they've thrown at her: a horrible role, then changes, then more changes, then weird things happening, a decent role, and now other kids who are super stressed. Many tears, many discussions... Good learning, but learning is hard sometimes. Three-a... I'm not sure I ever talked about twoK's math experience last year here. It was awful. It was the teacher. This year, Three-a has the teacher and we're having another hard year. Not quite as bad as last year, but stupidly stressful. Sorry to be vague, I'll tell you more later. It's almost Christmas. Looking forward to 2 weeks OFF!!! SO EXCITED.

Bless the teenager...

Bless the teenager who doesn't turn on the light downstairs so she won't wake you up (note bedroom doors shut and walls to keep light out) but uses the pencil sharpener (very noisy). When you go downstairs and ask why the lights were off she says because I didn't want to wake you. When you asked what the very weird scraping noise was she says, "the pencil sharpener." When you point out that the lights wouldn't bother anyone, but that the pencil sharpener was loud, she gets a little testy. She has the PSAT this morning. She asks, what was I supposed to do? I needed the pencils. You don't point out that she could have prepared them the night before but you do suggest that she could have taken the pencil sharpener to the garage--she gets a little more annoyed. When you explain that you've used the blender in the garage early in the morning so as to not wake people she looks super annoyed. Ah, parents... (I don't think that's what she thought.) And then you drive her to the PSAT. She glares at you most of the way. (In my memory, I enjoyed taking the PSAT and SAT... Seriously. I don't share this with her.) You drop her off and you go home. As soon as you sit down she texts that she forgot her ID. You ask where it is, drop everything and run it back to her. Yup. She does say thank you. She is still stressed. You smile and wish her luck. You know she's working hard to learn and do it all. She got herself up, got ready, packed snacks, and did it all (almost) herself. You wish you hadn't have said anything about the pencil sharpener, but you did. You're proud of her. She glares a lot. She is sullen. (I didn't know what sullen looked like until this last year. Now it's the perfect word.) You tell yourself, "developmentally appropriate behavior." You are happy for her. You put up your teen angst shield that deflects all annoyances and cold shoulders. It's the only way. You feel a little sad, but you know it's what she needs to do. You wish you could do it for her, and you wish she wasn't so stressed about everything, but that's who she is. Oh, oNe, I love you! You are an incredible girl. You are super smart and funny. You are growing up.

was Summertime ... now fall...

... when the living is easy?

Eh.  I'm not going to complain, but document.  It's been a little crazy.  New work place is good, but I used to work 1/2 time and now I work more -- not full time, but 30% more (if you do math you can figure out the total).  I am lucky that I can be less than full time but it's still more than I want to work.  Right now, I work on a new project with new people and insane schedules.  Plus I work on 4 other projects.  I should add that I don't feel like I am doing anything well.  Alas, it will get better.  I have been in this situation before and it got better.

Okay, enough about me.  In a few days, I'll have three teenage girls.  They are super good girls--I love them and I love all that they teach me.  Seriously.  I hate it when people hear that I have three teenage girls and look at me with sympathy.  If you have a daughter, at any age, I totally recommend this book, Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood.

One of my favorite things in the book is when she says, if you don't dread the teenage years, they won't be as bad.  (I think I'm paraphrasing, not quoting. If I'm quoting, I'm giving her full credit.) What she says is a general truism, though.  If you don't dread something, it won't be that bad. Anyway, I digress.

Three wonderful girls, that's where I was.  Marching band, Horses, College, Ballet, High School, Middle School Leadership, Dance, Rock climbing, feeding C-cat, learning to drive, and I didn't get this posted during summer.... it's now fall.  That's how crazy things are...

It's also crazy that I didn't get a post into FB or on my other blog about my Mom's birthday or death day....

I had an aura a while ago that I didn't get documented.

I also didn't document the summer event that was super scary.

I'm still working on too many projects.

I'm posting this now with the hope that I'll be back to do some more real writing before too long.  We'll see.

coming up for air

Did I mention I started a new job in October?

I'm having a lot of fun there, but since the new year, I've done a couple of extra things each month, my work hours increased, and now I'm tired.  I've been tired for a while.  It's a "good tired."  At my old job, things were stressful in an emotionally stressful way, and that was a different kind of tired. Now, it's just pure physical and mental exhaustion.

(Just a note: the emotional stress was not caused by my co-workers. A lot of us went to the new company together.  It's awesome to have co-workers you like.)

I still have to make it through the next couple of months to get to summer.  I keep thinking that it will calm down, but I may end up doing one more big thing (with a deadline of 5/16-ish) on top of all the other stuff (including going to graduation for two of my doctoral students).  The end of school is coming up and there's lots of stuff for the girls--and our dance shows. This year is zooming by as per usual.

The girls are doing super well, but they are stressed, too.  They love all the stuff they do, and don't want to give anything up (story of my life), but we often compare how tight our shoulders are.  Sigh.  Okay... end the tired blog post.

Quarterly report

When we last left off, we weren't in the best place.

Here's the report now:

Christmas tree is down and no feet were broken.  All 5 of us helped put it away.  I love the girls.  They are so helpful and care about the family.  There was much laughter during the process of trying to foist the very heavy tree up on the shelf.  The shelf is about 7 feet high? Maybe higher as it's just out of MWH's reach.  Anyway, much love at that moment.

I changed jobs. I am super happy. The place is super positive. There's a lot of change and growth that has to happen, but we can do it.  (We just had a planning retreat so this is fresh in my mind.) I am so impressed with the CEO. She's a woman. She keeps the troops going and always is positive. I need to write her a thank you note. She is awesome. I met her a long time ago (almost 20 years). I never imagined I'd work for her, but am so glad now.

Today, I'm fighting something.  I got a sore throat a few days ago, but I wasn't very sick. But, today, I am super tired.  I didn't go to workout class.  I lightly danced for a long time yesterday (2 hours).  I got a lot of sleep last night, but am just drained.  Our cat who has cancer seems to feel the same way today.  He and I are in front of the fireplace.  Go oil of oregano and elderberry.  (And his medicine for him.)

oNe is 16! She is now dancing more -- in a company.  So exciting.  I hope she has as many happy memories as I do from when I was a teenager, dancing, and performing a lot.  Now, I don't really want to perform, but our teacher makes us perform at least once a year -- last year and this year it will be 3 times for me.  oNe will do a bit more most likely as the company gets invited to perform at local community events.

twoK is dancing a lot and doing impressive things.  I wish I could share videos, but mostly anonymous so ....   Also, she has super sweet ballet friends.  I know all the moms of the girls and I really like them too.  You know how apples don't fall far from the tree?  Yup.  Her friends are awesome and so are their moms.

Three-a is rock climbing a lot and really likes it.  She's working on one-arm pull ups and practices her regular (two arm) ones all the time.  She is hoping to be on a rock climbing team in the fall.  (We'll figure out how to make it happen in the already crazy schedule.) She (and all the girls) are super strong.  I am so happy they love to work out.

Sidebar: When I met MWH, one of the first things he said to me, well one of the first things he said to me when we were having a "serious talk" -- one of our first serious talks -- you know, you meet someone and fall head over heels quickly and you start having talks about long-term stuff quickly -- okay, so one thing he said to me was that he felt that working out was something he needed to do often to stay in good mental and physical shape.  He felt that it really balanced him. (He didn't use those words exactly,  I can't remember what he said, but those were the sentiments.  I agreed.  I am glad that we both like to work out.  He went to work out class without me today and I'm so happy.)

What else.....Three-a is doing well in her math class -- she's always loved math, but now she is at the age where she can really check her own work make sure things are good. It's exciting to watch all the changes that are happening.  Some people may think teenagers are not that exciting developmentally, but that might be because they don't know that teenage years are full of brain changes.  It's the time in life when the brain changes the most aside from infancy.

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oNe has been riding horses for a long time.  The main horse she's worked with has been sick.  Horses are amazing animals, both strong and very fragile at the same time.  I think you can probably figure out where this is going.  My poor oNe is devastated.  I wish I could do something but there isn't anything I can do.

When it rains...

It pours.

Quickly, because I don't like to dwell... And first the good.  Three-a turned 12!  I guess that means this blog is 12, too.  Now the bad. At her 12th birthday party, she broke her femur.  However, they (doctors) didn't figure it out for 2 weeks.

We knew she had hurt her leg. We took her to urgent care for x-rays.  They didn't see any breaks on the x-ray.  We spent the next week and 1/2 waiting to let enough time pass to warrant an MRI; the thought is that kids often just bounce back. But after a week and 1/2 of not bouncing they (doctors) will do an MRI.  So they did the MRI; we learned she had a broken medial condyle (non displaced fracture).  The good news was that it wasn't a torn ACL; the other good news, no cast necessary since it had already been two weeks.

Labor day happened and it was super hot.

Wednesday after labor, Three-a got sick.  We took her in for fluids on Friday night because she couldn't keep enough liquid down and was super dehydrated.  Her hands and feet were going numb. We got Zofran (anti-emetic pill) and fluids and then they did a blood test to check her electrolytes.  With the blood test, they saw something worrisome.  The worrisome warranted a trip straight to the sterile part of the hospital in an ambulance.  Quick spoiler, all turned out fine and it all would have been fine if we hadn't gone to the hospital.  And a different doctor I spoke to (at Urgent Care) said, "I wouldn't have done the blood test."  Oh why, oh why did we not get you, Dr. C????? No blood test would have meant we could have skipped the hospital.

The hospital sucked.  It's a horrible place for people to get well.  They wake you, they poke and prod you, they record everything you pee, they stick fluids in you, but they don't expect you to eat or drink.    They definitely can't do the right things needed for a virus.  In our case, they pumped antibiotics in her because of the blood test results.

After 3 nights, Three-a was super day-night confused.  She was also down 8-10 pounds.  That's 10% of her body weight. On the 3rd day, her blood tests were normal so we got to go home with a super exhausted, skinny kid who doesn't want to move around. Remember, she's sick and she has a broken leg--a double whammy.

It's HARD to recover when you have to use crutches. She hated using them so much that she'd crawl from her bedroom to the bathroom.  It was so sad.  It's two weeks later (from when she got sick) and she's almost ready to go back to school.

It was hard to get her to eat.  Yesterday was the first day I got more than 1000 calories in her.  Yesterday was the first day I could get her to move around and I got her to crutch down a long hallway and back. Twice.  With an hour rest between them. She'll have to go much farther at school.

Yes, I am getting notes from the school district nurse, asking, "Where's Three-a?".  Yes, I am guessing they are concerned that we are making this all up.  We are not.  You can't make this stuff up.  Crazy.  The only good thing about the hospital is that it makes it seem more credible to have a kid out for two weeks and they give you a really good note for an excuse.  The bad thing is that I think the hospital slowed down her recovery and that it was the reason for her really slow recovery.  And that's been my last month.  Except for one good but stressful thing.  I'll tell you about that later.

Day off...

I made it to our week off in June and it was good for the head.  And then, work got weird.  I've worked at the same place for a very long time.  After many years of chugging along doing GREAT things, there are changes.

I don't know exactly what I'll be doing in a month or two.  It could be business as usual, or it could be a change.  I'll let you know more as it unfolds.  I think that things will work out and end up being better than they are now for my work, but transitions are hard.  Though I'm super comfortable with ambiguity, I dislike this state that we're in at work.  It's more than ambiguous.  I'm trying not to think about it, but it's obviously not working here.


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On the home front, it's been a good summer.  twoK danced a lot and made a lot of progress.  oNe has ridden horses and helped with summer camp for beginners.  Three-a has tried rock climbing (she loves it).  They all tried parkour.  They all seem to enjoy it.  twoK got out of attending science camp because of dancing, but next year, I need to get her into a science camp -- note to self, sign her up for the one that she wants to attend in JANUARY so we can get the June camp.

Next summer, we have to think about college stuff for oNe.  I can't believe we're here in our journey.  Time flies.  I won't go on about how quickly they grow up; I could, but I'll just say, insert EVERY CLICHE about how quickly kids grow here.

We didn't get as much fun cooking done as I would have liked this summer, but maybe we can make some yummy things this weekend.

Other things: We are firmly in the land of teenagers now.  I think about development and learning a lot (it's my job).  A book I read that I LOVE said if you don't dread the teenage years, you'll have a better experience.  I've never dreaded them, really.  I've had lots of people tell me how difficult they'd be with 3 girls, but I just kind of laughed with them ('cause what can you say?).  I knew they meant well.  I have known this stage of life was coming for a while.  I have been trying to set up conditions that will allow us to thrive. I worked hard early on in life to establish a good relationship with the girls.  I wanted to be their Mom and their friend.  But Mom is first.

It is my job to help them navigate the world and make their place in it.  I want them to be themselves, but I also want to share my values and beliefs with them.  I don't want to constrain them, but I don't want to have kids that are disrespectful or unpleasant.  I am happy that so far, I really like the girls.  We still have a few more years to go in the adolescent experience, and I think it will get harder before it gets easier, but my goal is to keep being there.  In the book I mentioned above, it talks about how during the teen years girls (all teens, really) pull away. That can be hard.  But pulling away is what an adolescent is supposed to do.  I think the trick is to figure out how much pulling away is normal and how much is too far.

This Mom gig is hard. It's fun, rewarding, messy, ugly, and wonderful all at the same time.  oNe is experiencing something right now that she won't talk about.  I am trying to use all my SKILLZ to figure out what the problem is.  I am trying not to pry, to just hang with her a little, but give her space.   Today, we'll watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS) and dance for a while and I hope I can learn a little more.

It could be that she's upset that we have to go out of town for an important family event coming up soon and that she's going to miss a slumber party with some dear friends.  It could be that school is starting and summer is ending.  It could be just her brain feeling weird about things 'cause there are a lot of changes. It could be that I can't do anything to help, but it feels like if I'm there, doing stuff that she likes with her it will be better.

One more random thought, I love doing physical activities with my girls.  I think it really helps with bonding.  I dance with oNe and Three-a.  I need to start doing a workout class with twoK.  New plan for the day, get the girls to figure out some new cooking things that we can do this weekend in addition to BtVS and dance.

Sorry for the post with so many random thoughts ... Know that another one with more random thoughts is probably coming soon.  

I want a day off

And a day off for my head.  I feel a little like I've been whining about this year; I don't know how much it's been out loud versus in my head, but I've been feeling meh.  Whine, whine, whine.  Nothing specific, but I am overwhelmed.

I am looking forward to the end of school. That will help. twoK's had a tough year in math.  She's in advanced math and she has never loved math.  When they placed her there I was a little concerned but figured we could do it.  Well, we'll survive and limp over the finish line.  We'll make sure she has a good tutor ALL year next year (and the next year and the next or for as long as it takes....)  We have been working with her, but we just got a good tutor and it's making a huge difference.  twoK was resistant, but now she is happy we have the tutor.

twoK is 13 now!  Wow!  She is so smart and witty (even in math, she just doesn't like it).  She's a beautiful dancer and we love our sweet K cat!

oNe and Three-a are good... I need to do a post on what all they are up to, but not today.  Today, I am whining.  That's the purpose of this post.

I totally want a day off... And permission to do NOTHING.  I need to give myself that permission.  After June 3, I can (for a day or two).  And in June, we'll go on a trip to see family and friends so that will be fun.

okay... deep breath... Suck it up for just a little longer.