My class.... I realize how much change I've tried to introduce in my class, to my students. Change is hard. It's painful. I need to see progress for what I'm doing. I think there has been some. I hope. Today, I got a lot of insight as to how my students are reading the feedback I write on their papers. They don't understand anything I say. It's as if I've written in a language they can't read.
Right now, I'm feeling the loss of my dear friend and colleague DK, because she was someone who did talk with me and help me.
DK was my comrade when it came to doing these kinds of things. I realize the absolute importance of doing these kinds of things in a community or at least with another person. I am feeling so alone. No one else is in the trenches with me with whom I can really talk, discuss, and learn. I need the brain-power of another to augment mine. I need the clarity-of-mind that comes from someone who is invested in the problem, but slightly removed who can help me think logically through the issues and not be overwhelmed by the emotional weight.
Being alone while trying to make change is everything my research and work over the last 10 years told me, but damn, it's painful. The papers said it was painful, but I didn't get just HOW painful.
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