I've had a hard time writing about potty training. Alice asked me about it a long time ago. I've been trying to write this post since December. I think I'm having a hard time because I don't consider myself to be an expert on this topic. I have the belief that it's easiest (I'm lazy, sue me) to wait until the child is ready. It goes much faster and easier. It also means cleaning up fewer messes. I'm all about that.
My other belief about potty training is that at first, you're training the adult to be hypervigilant about the child and their potty-needs. This makes sense. Vygotsky* discusses cognitive development as being the internalization of socially shared processes. What this fancy phrase means is, um, bear with me and I'll explain.
First, the expert (in this case parent) does all of the work, and provides an environment in which the child can begin to understand the task and then internalize it. The expert provides structure to support this learning, and slowly removes the structure (this structure is called a scaffold) as the learner begins to understand and internalize the process. When the process is completely internalized, the learner has mastered the task and no scaffold or help is needed.
We all have experienced this process of internalization. Think about school or any situation when you listen to an expert speak. While the expert is speaking, you understand all they say and it makes sense! Then you go and try to apply or use the knowledge and suddenly, you're confused. You go back to the expert and they re-explain things and it makes a little more sense. You ask questions, and they help you understand things (this is the environment in which learning is occurring). The expert may try to scaffold your understanding by breaking down the task and helping you understand it better. They may try to help you master parts before the whole.
Okay... End lecture! I like Vygotsky. We'll be discussing him in my class in a couple of weeks--stop by and listen in if you want to know more and you're in the area!
With potty training, kids are often successful as long as the parent stays right on top of the situation, but as soon as the kid starts playing or getting involved with another task, well accidents happen. When accidents happen, it means the process hasn't been completely internalized and the scaffold (provided by the parent) needed to be greater.**
With N (6) I had no idea what to do. Of course, I knew the goal I wanted, but I had no idea how to make it happen. Miss N was scared to death of the potty. Somehow, she eventually decided she could sit on it and the world wouldn't end, and then she got potty trained. (It took much coaxing and bribing to get her to try to use it.) She first started to use the potty very very very occasionally when she was about 2.25.
I think it's hardest to potty train your first child. N wasn't in daycare or anything, so she assumed the potty was for BIG people, not for her. T (2.4) and K (3.74) had N to observe and they were much more interested in the potty at a younger age than N. So N started potty training "officially" probably in August and was staying dry all day and night by the time she was 2 years 9 months old (end of October). Overall, I think we had it pretty easy, but we didn't know what we were doing nor how to do it. She figured it out though. She had issues about pooping* on the potty until she was 3 years 2 months, but I'll save those stories for another day. (And boy, are there stories!)
If you're curious about K's adventures, see this post and this post too.
Miss T has good days with the potty and bad days. We wear big girl pants a few hours a day/week. I haven't committed to being in charge of making sure she has the environment she needs so that she can learn. I found these training pants and just ordered them. I found them a while ago (a month or two ago), but the site I found them on had something wrong with their ordering process and then, the moment I had ended and I didn't have time to order them.
This morning, I finally got another moment to order them. I think they will help her learn. In Vygotsky's terms, they are a tool I will use as a scaffold (one that helps me avoid messes too). (I could just use pull-ups, but I know some people think of them as evil. I'm not going into the arguments around pull-ups here. I don't have a real opinion about pull-ups, but I just thought these pants might give T a better more encouraging scaffold. I see signs she's pretty much ready to really try, but she could use some help from me. The sign she gave me today was staying dry for 5-ish hours.)
(Last night, accidentally, we put T to bed with regular underwear on. Needless to say, at 3 am I was changing crib sheets. Oops. My bad!)
*I sure hope Vygotsky isn't spinning in his grave as I apply his theory to potty-training.
**Or physically, the child isn't ready. There are some basic biological factors that need to be in place for potty training. (As is the case for all of cognitive development, but this is another subject.)
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