Uhhhh...

Today would have been a wonderful day except for two things. One is that my left knee is killing me.

I don't know why. I think it's a muscle issue. It was a little sore last night, but this morning I could barely walk on it. I got T (14.5 months) up and tried to walk down the stairs with her. Not so good. I had us both sit and slide down the stairs.

When I tried to get in and out of the car I was in major pain. I think my knee is connected to my back. Seriously. When my back was hurting today, my knee seemed to hurt more.

I went to a new chiropractor on Thursday (and liked what she had to say), and she seemed to make my back feel better (and had a recommendation for a place that could help with a good exercise program for my back). I don't know for sure if the knee pain is related to the adjustment she did, but I'm going to have to talk to her about this.

I had a sore knee, similar to this, last year. It got better fairly quickly (like in a day or so), and I never figured out what caused the pain. Maybe this pain will disappear quickly too?




The other thing that made this day not good, nay very bad, was that I found out that most likely my Mom will have exploratory surgery tomorrow (Sunday).

I am worried, feeling guilty (for not being there) and sad. My Mom is 81. She's always there. She's always on the other end of the phone when I call.

I am the one who chose to leave the state where I grew up, and my family, and I don't regret it, but I am sad that I don't see my parents / brothers / neices / nephews more frequently. I really wish I could have been there hanging out with my Mom tonight.

There's a small chance that they won't need to do the surgery tomorrow, but it's sounding like the doctor is imagining he will. Her white blood cell count is down (good thing) and the rest of her blood work numbers look pretty good (also good), but she is still in a lot of pain. The doctor can't believe how tender her stomach is.

The doctor has said a few scary sounding words today.... like tissue death from anemia and peritonitis.

The game plan for tomorrow is for them to do a CT scan on her, get results from a gallbladder test, and then make a decision about surgery. The doctor wants to do the surgery tomorrow if he feels it should be done because apparently many surgeries are booked for the early part of next week. He doesn't want to wait any longer.

This attitude seems like a significant change since yesterday when we were in a holding pattern (we thought until Monday), but I guess the fact that my Mom's stomach is still so tender accounts for the difference in the treatment course.

My Mom sounded clear headed and fairly resolved tonight when I spoke to her on the phone.

She is worried more about the risk of pneumonia after the surgery than the anesthesia. Before I spoke to her I was more worried about the anesthesia. Now, since she reminded me of the pneumonia possibility, I'm worried about both.

In 2003, she had a big scare after a surgery when she did develop pneumonia. I have to hope she got pneumonia after that surgery because of the surgery itself. The surgery was to fix a the collapsed lung (from a botched out-patient surgery). Perhaps because she lost so much blood from the botched out-patient surgery she was weaker and more susceptible (especially given that they operated on her lungs).

Right now, I feel like an awful daughter/person for not being there. It really seemed like the possibility of surgery was low on Friday. I should know that it's always a possibility, and that things can change very quickly when someone is in the hospital. I shouldn't get lulled into a false sense of security with the "it will be okay" attitude that everyone with my Mom has. I imagine partially they do the "it will be okay thing" to keep a positive attitude for her sake and partially they do it because that is what they want to believe.

Oh, it sucks to be so far away.