A big post about stress

There are MANY different kinds of stress.

While my chronic stress is significantly lower this year, I would say that my episodic acute stress level is higher this year.

If you didn't click the link to episodic acute stress above, it is caused by "over arousal," or having too many irons in the fire. Yup, that's me. Most of the time, I don't mind, but lately it's getting to me. I'm not really a "Type A" person. I'm a perfectionist, but not in a Type A way. I mean, I have some Type A tendencies, but really I'm not that Type A. (And it's not just my opinion, MWH doesn't think I am actually Type A either.)

I don't think my episodic acute stress is caused by "worrywart" tendencies either. I worry, but much less than many people I know. I'm pretty cool with fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants. I am usually pretty zen. However, I'm currently, tired, short-tempered, and overwhelmed.

I think that it's very episodic, because right now, 2 of the 3 little girls (K and T) are not in a good place. I don't think I need therapy, but I need something! There is so much screaming. Even N, who is in a pretty good place is sometimes not in a good place. It seems that all three are constantly competing for me and my attention. They push and hit each other to get to me. They don't act like this to get to any one else. It's all about me. I'm special because I am the Mommy. (I'm sure you all experience it too with your kids. I don't think I have an exclusive on this, but this is my post in which I explain MY STRESS.)

(If you clicked the link above you'll also learn that migraines are common with episodic acute stress.... hmmmm... know any one who just had a migraine?)

While it's flattering in one way, to have each little girl want ME I feel like it's sucking the life force out of me in another way. They are so demanding. I try to spend quality time alone with each girl individually, but it doesn't seem to help that much. If it is helping, I'd hate to see what it would be like without the quality time.

Actually, I'm sure it's helping, but it is not enough. I think I need to find a little more time to do fun things with them.

There's actually a positive kind of acute stress. I think the thing about the episodic stress is that I'm not in control of it. I think stress, that you are in control of, is a good thing.

I think right now I am also feeling stressed about the remodel. I am not in control of that. We got good news about one thing this week and that is making me feel less stressed about the remodel, but there is still another potential thing to be stressed about that I am not in control of.

I think that right now, it's just not a good time. I have been working hard to arrange things so I could take time off during this time as we get closer to finishing the remodel, and I'm glad I did that but I am still overwhelmed.

I'm so overwhelmed that all I want to do right now is sleep. I don't have the energy I need. I don't like this feeling. I have been feeling more and more overwhelmed the past couple of weeks. I feel so wimpy feeling overwhelmed... and then I feel more overwhelmed... I just kind of want to slap myself around, but that hasn't been helping.

I do know it will get better, and when you logically consider my life, it is not bad in any way, shape, or form.... When I look at how things were a year ago, I don't understand why I think I feel worse right now than I did a year ago. The negatives are 1) that it's really really busy and 2) that I'm not in control of many things. I think, even though I had more chronic stress last year, I was in more control of things. I think two toddlers are harder to control than 1!

It will get better. It will get better. It will get better. It will get better. It will get better. It will get better. It will get better. It will get better. (I have to keep chanting this or else I might cry.)