On top of things...

I'm supposed to go somewhere (to a conference for work) on Wednesday. I haven't gotten my plane tickets yet. Yup, it's less than 48 hours until I'm supposed to leave. Yes, I suck. Fortunately the conference is close to where I live so it's not a huge deal because I'll fly Southwest airlines, and they are cheap... so it's not that big of a deal to buy them late.

I just don't want to go. I'm procrastinating. Whenever I don't want to do something I put it off. I finally had an email exchange with the woman I'm supposed to be meeting with at the conference. The exchange didn't encourage me so I'm still trying to decide. My boss thinks I'm going. I have a hotel room booked. I need to make a decision, but I really hate traveling. If it's not going to be that good of a meeting I don't want to go. On the other hand, something good will probably come of the trip, but something not what we planned. (That always happens.) It's so hard to know what to do.

If I go (I can't even bring myself to say when), I'll take T (10.5 months) with me. CSWL (college student we love) is now "home for the summer" and she lives really close to where I'll be so she'll drive to where we are and help with T while I do the conference. T will be with me for nursing.

I just don't want to go.

I feel my life is so easily disrupted and I worry what an overnight trip will do in terms of setting me behind even more than I am already. Having my husband get sick has made me realize what a fragile life I lead. It's so easily disturbed. It's all such a delicate balance.

Did I mention I don't want to go?

Someday I have to write a post about CSWL and how it was having her stay with us and do the au pair thing. It was good. She was fabulous. Now we miss her. She left Saturday. Maybe I just wrote the post. I don't want to go into tons of details, but she really really was fabulous. She's so good with N, K and T.

Don't you want me to stay home? I have the cutest video of T walking with the little stroller that I want to put up for you. But I don't have any time...

Vote in the comments... Should I stay or should I go?