Work (the never ending saga)

Hi, my name is J______ and I'm a workaholic. (Shocked you with that confession, huh?)

I've been one for more than 15 years now.

It all started when I was in college. I had received a scholarship. I was a "G______" scholar at my University. I wasn't an overachiever then. Hell, I barely did homework. At the end of my sophomore year, I was barely making it to classes pretty easy going. I was making mostly A's, but a few B's here and there. I met this guy and he was part of the same scholar program that I was in and he told me I needed to work harder to get straight A's.

He was kind of cute so I decided to take his advice.

Fast forward six years. He (see above) was still in my life and we were in a very dysfunctional relationship, but he had already left his mark. He had turned me into an overachieving workaholic.

I met my husband-to-be shortly after I managed to escape aforementioned dysfunctional relationship. He (MWH) was so balanced. He didn't work more than 40 hours a week. I was working about 30-40 a week (supposed to have been 20) and writing a dissertation. Yea. Overachieving again.

I finished the dissertation and got a full-time job. Apparently I am a very inefficient worker because I always seem to work WAY more than I'm supposed to work. Granted, I get a LOT done. I have done a great many very fun and interesting things (in an academic fun sort of way). (Actually more in a start-up sort of way...an academic start-up if that's possible.)

I live in area where most people are workaholics. It's part of our culture. I fit in. I FOUND MY PEOPLE! We're all overachieving stressed out geeks here. (I use the term geek fondly and loosely.)

The worst thing about my workaholism, is that I turned my husband into a workaholic. I didn't mean to, but I was always working and I pulled him into the craziness. He works more than 40 hours a week now. He checks email right before going to bed and the first thing when he gets up... just LIKE ME. I don't think he's yet checked in the middle of the night (yes, I have).

Now, we have 3 kids. I'm only supposed to work 25 hours a week. I can even only work 20 if I want. Ha. I work ~30 almost every week. This week, I'm taking tomorrow off. I should not be because I have that big presentation on Wednesday, but we planned to do this little day trip (to a nearby aquarium with the girls) before the presentation moved from Thursday to Wednesday and I didn't want to rearrange my life for my work. I ONLY WORK 1/2 TIME, but I think about it all of the time it seems.

You will be happy to know though, I said, "No" to a new project.

Are you proud?

I am walking around practicing saying, "All of my time is accounted for by the C___ project, the T____ project and the RT_____ project until April. Then my time on the RT____ project is supposed to wind down, but then the SC_____2 project picks up. I should have some free time about a year from now. Your project sounds fabulously interesting, but I don't have any time to do the quality of work on your project that I would want to do if I worked on it." If the person hasn't fallen asleep given the length of my explanation, I'll be shocked.

Of course, between you and me, all of that is subject to change if the T_____ project got new funding. I would drop everything for the T____ project and work a LOT. Oh, and you heard it here first.... If the T____ project doesn't get a significant amount of new funding in the next two years, I am so out of here and on to other things. (The concerned reader (aka KH) should note that I said the same thing back in 1999/2000 and look, I'm still here.)

I'm going to stop saying, I could quit at anytime. I am working on realizing that I need to ONLY work on projects that I love. I work really hard and I do good work. If I have a problem in the future because this is the strategy I am taking then I'll figure out a new strategy and do something different later.

I need to catch up on my life and get things in order. I need to make sure I am doing what I love. I don't have any time to waste on boring projects!