Happy Mother's Day

I am a Mom. To three. Little Girls.

Oh my!

I can't believe how cute they are, even when they wake me up very early. Miss T and I have been up since 6:42 am. Yea, it's Mother's Day, and I could have poked my husband and had him get up, but I am the Mom so I got up. He gets grumpy when he doesn't get enough sleep, and I just get stupid so I usually get up and get stupid until I just can't do it any more. (I know I've said the grumpy/stupid thing before, but that's the way it is.)

Last night I was digging through photos looking for one of me as a baby so I could make a photo picture of all my little girls and me for my Mom. I had to find the hard copy so I could scan it. (They didn't have digital cameras when I was a kid. You probably could have guessed that, but just so you know for sure, they didn't.)

Anyway, as I was digging, I found pictures from what I think of as "my former life." I dated a guy for 6-7 years before I met my husband. He was so. not. Mr. Right.

I knew it at the time that he was Mr. RightNow, not Mr. Right. I used to wonder how we'd break up. If that's not the kiss-of-death for a relationship, I don't know what is.

Why did I date him? Because at the time, he gave me confidence to do what I needed to be doing in my early 20s. I was in a doctoral program and I needed his arrogance to keep me going. I'm sure I could have found strength from somewhere else if I hadn't have been so wimpy, about breaking up with him, but it was easier to be with him than to figure out how to do graduate school on my own (path or least resistance--a theme with me). I cried a lot, but I knew it was situational.

At two years into the nearly seven years I was with him, I wanted it to work with him. By year 4 or 5, I pretended I wanted it to work, and I couldn't imagine not being with him, but deep down, I knew it would never work. By year 6, I was going through the motions and was gathering my strength. He eventually was the one to break up with me, but it was okay. It saved me from having to do it. I cried my eyes out for 2 weeks and then realized suddenly that I was much happier not having to deal with him.

When I found the pictures last night, I looked at them and felt, nothing. It was odd. I am so happy with where I am now and who I am now. I was pretty miserable during those almost seven years, but I wouldn't be who I am today without that time with him. I have to thank him for helping me to get where I am. I honestly wouldn't change a thing. Not even having to get up at 6:42 am this morning.

I love my husband and my little girls.