Depressing

I just talked with my parents Sunday. When we actually talk, it's always so depressing to me. I love them, but they are aging, which I realize it is a natural part of life, but watching or listening to them talk about slowing down and what they are experiencing is no fun.

It sounds terrible to compare my parents with my cat, but I loved my cat. Really truly loved him. When I was watching him age and slowly die, I felt like he was helping to prepare me for the inevitable with my parents.

Anyway, while talking to my parents I was treated to hearing about how much pain my Mom is in. She has bad osteoporosis. It may actually not just be osteoporosis. It may be metastasized bone cancer. She sees an oncologist. She is on a treatment which works for both osteoporosis and breast cancer (it starts with a Z and I can't remember the name of it right now). It is a very strong bone strengthener and it is supposed to help relieve the pain. (It's actually difficult to tell whether she has bone cancer or just osteroporsis and from a treatment standpoint there's no benefit to knowing the difference because whatever she has, the treatment is the same. The prognosis for bone cancer, if she has it (and the kind she'd have), is about 10 years. The oncologist thinks that something else will probably be responsible for her demise before then. She knows this, but the thought of cancer freaks her out.)

She recently had bronchitis and coughed a lot. She's afraid she might have broken a bone in her back (again) from the coughing. She has several vertebral fractures and there's not a lot that medical science can do for her. She had vertebroplasty, (they surgically glue the vertebrae that is broken) and it helped with her pain, but she's scared of it again because they broke her sternum while fixing her back. She also doesn't want to be put under a general.

She wants the pain to go away, but there doesn't seem to be anything that helps. I know that the pain really makes it hard for her to cope. I know that she worries that she is going to die. I don't think it's her time, but she's in so much pain right now. When I talk to my brothers, they never seem to know how much pain has. I don't know if she just tells me or what.

I asked her what her regular doctor said, and he said there wasn't much they could do. I asked her if she told him how much pain she was in, and she said she didn't think so. She says she will talk to the oncologist today.

While talking to my parents I also learned that my Dad's macular degeneration is worse. He is 85. My brothers and I don't think he should be driving any more, but try telling that to him. Very stubborn man he is. I guess that it's not unusual, but I don't know how we're going to get him off the streets.

My Dad also did a sleep test. They found out he is not breathing in his sleep and losing oxygen. They are doing another one soon. The one piece of good news is that my dad has a new prosthetic device for his shoe and he thinks he might be able to walk a little better.

My Mom also told me about my cousin who may have breast cancer. My cousin's Mom, who was my Mom's sister, just died of breast/liver cancer last year. My cousin is not that old. She is 53. Hopefully she's post-menopausal. Being post-menopausal makes breast cancer less aggressive usually. (Gross scientific understatement here, but I need to get working!)

It's so hard for me to be so far away from my parents sometimes. I feel guilty. I wish my parents were closer because I do wonder if they could see their young grandchildren all the time if it would help make them younger. I know that they are both doing well to have made it to 80 plus, but does one ever feel they have lived "long enough?" I know that in the next few months my brothers and I are going to have to deal with some tough things.

We're going to need to figure out what to do about my Dad's driving. Actually we don't need to figure out what to do about it, we just need to deal with it and get him to stop. We also need to think about if they can continue to live in their house or if we need to move them to an assisted-living community. I know they are worried about having enough money to live in one of those, but I hope they can die broke and not leave money for their kids. (I want them to spend their money on their life.)

I think they have enough in savings (and if they sold their house) to live out the remainder of their years (hopefully many many) in an assisted place and be a bit more comfortable and not have to worry about things like going to the grocery store. Or getting their sheets changed. Or finding a cleaning person. They don't want to give up their independence. Iit's hard for them to realize that they would be getting a much easier life if they would go to an assisted living place.

Aging sucks.