No one, not even me, will be happier when I'm done teaching than T (2.7). She desperately wants a Mommy and T day! All Day! All Mommy, all the time, would be good for her! I'm going to give credit to my friend for the phrase, "She'd crawl back in if she could." Actually she said, "He'd crawl back in if he could," about her first child, but it works better if I change the gendered pronoun.
I LOVE my new computer.... But... always a but... the keyboard is MUCH stiffer than the old computer I had. I miss letters all the time. I am a pretty good and fast typer, so this is bothering me. I do a lot of Instant Messaging, so I fear I look illiterate often... If not illiterate, I look like a bad speller. L, T, and O seem to be the most difficult-to-hit letters.
I'm so glad I documented this! I bet you are too!
My friend Ruth took me up when I had an "Ask me anything" post. She asked....
What do you want for your children?
What do you hope they won't do?
How have you chosen to parent differently than you were parented?
What are you proudest of about your parenting?
Great Questions!
Here goes.
1. What do you want for your children?
I want my girls to be happy. It sounds so simple, but it's true. Of course, I want them to be successful, smart, talented, beautiful women, but mostly I want them to be happy. Besides the overwhelmed part of my life, I am very happy. The one piece of advice that I got in life, that wasn't welcomed at the time, but now I am very glad, was, "Find something you love to do, and then work really hard at it!" The other thing, that is a large part of my happiness, is MWH. He is the yin to my yang, or the yang to my yin....errrr... I'm not very well schooled in Chinese Philosophy, but regardless, we complement each other. (We also compliment each other! Heh.)
Many of my friends and I have been on paths searching for "true happiness." My friend Nino summed it up nicely here.... Make sure you are where you want to be! Another friend we'll see if she is okay with the link or not is also searching for happiness. She has been searching a bit longer than I have been, and I have learned a lot from her and I am so glad she is my friend!
2. What do you hope they won't do?
The usual.... I was and am a "good" girl. For example for me and for them:
No drinking (except for that crazy year in college)
No smoking (except when they made me in theatre class and then I thought I was going to DIE! I hate smoke! I was very bad at smoking and hate that I had to do it in class and NOW, I would refuse, but I was a wimpy 18 or 19-year-old)
No drugs (I have never inhaled, nor have I even seen the stuff)
No cheating (I am so saddened by my students who cheat!)....
What about pre-marital sex, you ask? I hope they wait until they are old enough to make GOOD decisions, have a partner they love, be careful, don't get STDs, and don't get hurt emotionally (yea, right!).
It's kind of funny, another friend (who doesn't have a blog--heck she barely does email) said to me, "I know my kids will have pre-marital sex at some point, probably in high school, I don't think it's bad--of course I won't tell them that...." Then she paused and added..."I would have totally had sex in high school if any one had asked me!" (giggle, giggle!)
3. How have you chosen to parent differently than you were parented?
The way I remember it, my Mom was a lot more strict than I am. My Mom spanked me. My Mom parented in a 1950s style.... Seriously. Her first three children were born in the 50s. I was born much later. I don't spank. I have done some firm grasping and lots of yelling (these things won't be listed under my proud parenting achievements!).... I hope I have done a lot more talking, explaining, and giving them tools to help them regulate their own behavior. The little girls are SPIRITED! SPUNKY! ENERGETIC!
Gee, I wonder where they get it?
Anyway, I think that's the main difference thus far, but I hope my parenting will get MORE different as they get older.... I hope the little girls will feel like they can talk with me about anything. I didn't talk with my Mom about a lot of things, and I was a "good" girl. I didn't talk with her because I felt judged when I tried to talk with her. I never felt like I lived up to her expectations. This may have just been ME, and all me, but it's how I felt. I still do not like to be judged--unless it's positive (as any one wants)! I work really hard on most everything I do because I don't want to disappoint any one. I know I judge, but I really try not to judge. I try to be encouraging and not judgmental.
In the last few years, I've grown to really enjoy my Mom and I no longer feel judged by her. I think she thinks I'm doing an okay job in life now.
4. What are you proudest of about your parenting?
Oh.... this is a HARD one!
I think I'm a good role model for the little girls.
The other day, N (6.25) said, "S_______'s Mom is so weird!" S_______ is a child in her class. S_______'s Mom volunteers in kindergarten, so N does see her and interact with her.
I asked N, "How would you feel if other kids said that about your Mom?" N looked blankly at me. I asked, "Is it nice to call someone weird?" N said, "No." I am working really hard to teach the girls kindness and gentleness in thought and action.... (They are SPIRITED and SPUNKY remember?)
In general, they are very kind and nice. I can't say the word "Hate" or "Stupid" without getting told I'm saying a BAD WORD. They also tell me "ugly" is a bad word.
Other things that make me proud are when they give each other hugs, tell each other they love each other, and they usually play well with each other. They are all fun to talk with and hang with and in general, I'm just proud of them. I love them! That's a BIG part of my job is to be proud of them and love them (or so I see).
By the way, the offer still stands.... Questions welcome! Ask me anything! Especially related to kids and development!
1 comment:
Thanks! Good answers.
The version of my parents that existed in my teenage head was more judgemental and strict than the reality. The version that existed in my sister's head was more easy going than the reality. This meant that I was very secretive and pleasantly surprised when they did find out about something unwise I'd done whereas my sister was usually unpleasantly surprised and disappointed by their reactions.
Hmmm... from this model the option of daughters who feel they can tell you anything and then not be disappointed by your reaction is unlikely :-)
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