spinning...

My head is spinning. I am very sad that our nanny quit. She quit yesterday, as in completely. As in, she left at 2:03 pm. I haven't called her and she hasn't called me. I plan to send her a check that includes pay for Monday and Tuesday and some severance. I feel awful, but I also can't take complete responsibility. I knew there were problems. We'd been talking about potential solutions for about a month. She'd alternate between being very upset with me and pledging her undying love and support, and saying it was getting better or "sorting out" still.

I could tell what kind of day it was going to be from the very second she'd walk in. Though it's a pain to be left high-and-dry, I am relieved not to have the emotional stress. It's tough walking on eggshells. It's really really tough when you're walking on eggshells around someone who is in your house. I wish her well. I'm going to have to write her a letter and send her a check. I'm giving myself another day or so to tackle this.

I am more upset than I care to admit. I haven't eaten much in the last 2 days. That's a sign that I'm upset. I like food! It's rare that I don't want to eat. It will get better. I am worried about her, but I have to not.

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Looking on to logistics, I can't decide what I want to do. I can't decide if I want another nanny or if I want to do daycare. I am not excited about having another nanny. I guess I should tell myself that it's usually easy for the first year. The first year with a nanny is like the honeymoon period. If we decide to try to find another nanny, it will only be for one year. Then we'll do preschool and pre-K and first grade. Wow.

What else... There's a lot more. I don't know if I'll publish more about this or not. I'm sure you'll hear about whatever daycare/nanny solution we decide to do.

This is where I am today.