I just need a moment... Just one... Just one when I don't need to do anything. Just one when I'm not feeling like I've forgotten something. When I'm not feeling guilty and inadequate.
I'm working on an attitude change. We're doing our self-reviews at work and I've been complaining a lot. I love my job. I hate this time of the year. There are some things that drive me crazy about the place where I work, but for the most part, I don't have anything to complain about. I whine because I'm not doing EXACTLY what I want to do. I am doing a very close approximation of what I want to do though... They don't pay me much, but they do pay me. I don't have anything to whine about... And YET, I keep whining. Someone ought to slap me around. Or not...
I am whining because I feel inadequate. I like to be really good at what I do and where I work, they like to have perfection so we rarely get praise. It's okay... It helps us work harder... It make us better and stronger... but it also makes me tired....
Okay... me... Trying to snap out of it.
What I need, is to put parameters around my work life, and not let it control me any more. That's what I need to do.
Yup.
Is that possible? What-do-I-do????? I don't know how to do this! When I'm not working all the time I feel guilty. When I am working all the time, I feel overwhelmed and unhappy that I am missing time with my little girls. I chose to work 1/2 time. I chose this so I could see my girls.... I know I work less than if I were full-time, but I need to get some balance. I know I'm lucky because I have this option, but right now, I'm tired.
As much as I love teaching, I think that the class is going to push me over the edge if I don't really approach it and work differently. I think what I need to do is to take some vacation from my real job to get my life in balance a little.
I took on teaching this class because I MISSED teaching. I needed to do it. I have enough vacation saved up that I should not try to be super woman because I'm NOT. I should take vacation and get organized on the class... and my life (still have a ga-zillion boxes). I should take some vacation time and NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT.
There's one thing I can do... Any other ideas?
1 comment:
This is deeply familiar. My advice:
1. You are super woman. That's how you're getting by at all. Even super woman isn't omnipotent because that would be a very boring story - the forces of darkness have to get the upper hand temporarily before they are vanquished by your cleverness.
2. Spend some time on yourself. Have a couple of days off to catch up on the things you want to do for yourself. Sleep in, eat ice cream, go to the gym, whatever.
3. Write a list of your expectations of your work, what would it have to be like for you not to whine about it at all? Then work out a) which things you want to fix and write an action plan to fix them, and b) choose two things on the list which are now the only two things you are allowed to complain about.
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