Bleh

oNe is supposed to be away at college. Instead, she is home taking classes online. While I am delighted she is here I am also sad she is missing out on her freshman year.  The only good thing is she is not alone in the missing out. So many kids are. She wouldn't be happy there b/c she'd be scared. Maybe it would help her gain confidence, and maybe she'd learn and grow, but it feels bad to push a kid out of the nest during a pandemic. She wanted to stay home. Should I have made her go?  No is the answer I am at right now. She worries about 1) getting sick, 2) giving it to someone else, and 3) the long shot that the virus could affect her severely and long-term. These are her worries... mine too, but she actually worries more than me.

We could talk about twoK, she's the opposite and will be heading out the door first chance she gets, I believe. College is still 1.5 years away, but she is ready.  Every kid is different. She is ready to try out her wings.

One good thing is that I got to study with oNe (in my area of expertise) and help her prepare for her tests. I had a blast. I don't think this overrides the bad of her not being there. Another good thing: I am so happy she has her sisters. Sometimes there is much giggling, wrestling, late night talks. Hearing the giggles and the love makes my Mom heart smile.

Trichaos

Three teens in the house during pandemic... OH MY!

Not going to write about specific issues, but it's rough to be a teenager and to be locked down. Today, after online school got out, the 3 were gathered around the computer watching videos from their childhood and laughing together. It was so beautiful. It made my Mom heart happy.

There's a lot that is rough.  Lots of late night talks, lots of tears, and some anger.  I don't blame them at all. I would have been a lot worse.  But for now, we'll go with the laughter they share.  

Good Things in Pandemic

Farmer's Market -- every Sunday for fresh bread and broccoli (and onions, potatoes, carrots, strawberries, watermelon, and whatever jumps out at me). 

Body Pump (4 out of 5 of us do it together usually 3x a week) (I've gotten stronger)

Lots of great dance classes online.  From famous people.  So cool.

3 who cook and bake

3 who will clean

1 MWH who bakes bread 

Lots of black cats (or nearly black) -- this could also be a source of stress, but right now we're being positive.  I'll share more later.

Family Game night NEVER really before except holidays ... 3x since (we should do it again).  

Floss -- I found vegan floss! (Most of us are vegan.)

I don't know if this is a good thing, but I started doing Invisalign during pandemic.  It is ultimately a good thing and it's not very unpleasant.  So much better than braces.  Less appointments and much less pain. Two of the 3 did it and were very satisfied with the results.  

Lots of exciting work.

No more commuting.

Late night talks.  

Learning French with T (late at night).

Who knew I would have such a collection of masks?

pandemic

I started writing a long time ago, like March, and it looks like I lost much of the content of the post. Boo....  I had a timeline of things that happened.  I'll recreate it, but not today.  Today, I'm going to talk oNe.

In case you lost track, oNe just graduated from high school. From March - June, she should have been reveling in the last few months of school, and reflecting on her accomplishments, but NOPE. The class of 2020 got gypped. oNe is fabulous, smart, talented, beautiful and one of the kindest kids I know. I am biased but I feel lucky she is my daughter, and I am proud of who she is. I've always been excited to see what she'll do because of her unique and smart views.

I'll stop gushing, even though I could go on -- she is a super kid. Instead, today, I bring you parental angst around college. I want her to go away. Not because I don't like her, but quite the opposite, because I do. She got into a good school and it was a nice distance for her, not too close and not too far. She'd been nervous about college, but she really seemed to like the place -- from here on out, we'll call it BigU.

At the beginning of her senior year, I talked to my friends with freshmen in college and what the change was like. I began mentally preparing. I've always tried to enjoy what's coming and look for the best in it. I WANT oNe to be an independent adult. But then COVID19 and we don't understand the virus and new don't know how much damage it will do to a person.  oNe could get it and be fine or not. And now EVERY day, I have to worry about whether she will go or not.

I know people want to get back to normal, but I think we should pause to make sure we understand more about the virus, if it causes long-term health issues, and maybe some more treatments for it. One year will seem interminably long as we live through it, but I think 9/2021 is a lovely time to go away.  I am very strongly hoping she does her freshman year from her bedroom. As sad as that is, I think it makes sense.

I *think* she wants to stay home. I mean because of the virus.  I don't think she would normally, but because she is scared of spreading it to other people. I want her to stay home because this year, college won't be the same. It will be weird meeting other people because to be safe, you'll need a mask. Or be far apart.

About the virus, a COVID19 doctor says (and I don't have her name, I wish I did, but it was anonymous):

[There] are serious issues with long term effects. Just because covid doesnt kill you; it doesn’t mean you will ever be quite the same either.