Fall Back

Today, this day of time-change, has been a long day. Note to self for next year... Get the girls to bed at the usual time for their bodies, not by the time on the clock.

File under X

I may have mentioned we moved about 7 weeks ago when little T (10 weeks now) was 3 weeks old. Needless to say, we still have a lot of unpacked boxes. Tonight while I was going through one of our many boxes in search of something, I began to wonder if my dearly departed kitty's ashes were in the box. They were not.

I moved on to another box that was bigger and harder to look through because there was so much stuff in it. I wondered again if his ashes were in this one, and just as I was about to give up looking in it, because I found the other thing I was looking for, I heard a "meow." It was just a meow from a toy, but I knew as soon as I heard the meow that it was a sign from my kitty to keep looking in that box. Sure enough, I dug a little deeper and there were his ashes.

I've been really wanting to find his ashes. I was so upset when I realized that the movers packed him and I didn't know where he was. My boy left this existence in February and I miss him so much. He and I shared a very special bond while he was alive and I'm convinced we're still connected some how. The day after he died I was standing in front of an African Grey and the Grey "meowed" at me. The Grey meowed twice and then never made another sound. I think he was channeling my kitty.

I sound like a nutcase writing about these things, and the logical rational side of me can say it's all coincidence and I'm adding the superstitious signficance to it because I loved my kitty beyond belief, but the part of me that loved my kitty beyond belief doesn't want to be logical and rational about it. It's comforting to me to think that part of him is still with me. Of course he is still with me in my heart. He was and always will be my true kitty love.

Kitty snacks

The other night young Miss K (17 months) found a little container of kitty treats. It was a small cylinder, about the size of her Flintstone vitamins bottle. She walked around shaking it. It made a lovely noise. After a few minutes she decided she wanted to open it. She succeeded. I worried about having kitty snacks all over the floor so I tried to take it away from her. She screamed (her bloody murder scream). I put the lid back on and she screamed some more. She had seen what was inside of the container and was convinced they were yummy vitamins. She loves her Flintstone vitamins--who doesn't?

I handed her the container back. She then removed the lid again and grabbed a handful of kitty treats. I take them back. She screams. I let her have one. She is pleased. I figure if she eats it, it won't hurt her and she won't like it and we'll be done with this container and will move on to other things. She eats it. She likes it. She wants more.

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying and she's begging for more. So much for my approach. I thought I was clever. She wins. Point for K.

The Rescue Bird Part 2

This Rescue Bird is cracking me up. I know that she got the idea from the Diego show (of Dora and Diego). Below is a snippet of dialogue as she played with Rescue Bird yesterday.

Coming from somewhere else Help Help.... (this was soft and muffled)

The Rescue Bird: Hmmmm... That sounds like a dolphin in in trouble...

(Louder) Help Help...

N to the Rescue Bird: Can you help me rescue a dolphin?

The Rescue Bird: Okay.

N: Let's go.

The Rescue Bird: I'll be very gentle. Let's see if we can get the dolphin back in the water.


Hollywood look out... The Rescue Bird may be a new hit children's show. With dialogue and plot like that it's sure to appeal (yea, I know, it's a lot like Diego). Any one know where I can get an agent for a 3.75 year old? (Just Kidding. I don't want an agent for her.)

The Rescue Bird

For N's second Easter (when she was 15 months old), she got a little stuffed chick. You squeeze it and it makes little peeping noises. It is a cute little animal. She liked it at the time and has played with it on and off. Recently, she rediscovered the little chick. It is now The Rescue Bird.




What she says when she is playing with it... The rescue bird flies through the air and rescues and helps all kinds of different animals. She had it rescuing a little kitty and a fox. The animals that are rescued ride on the Rescue Bird's back. It's all very cute. I wish I could capture her play with it on video, but whenever I try to she stops playing and starts showing off. I need a hidden camera to capture all the cuteness.

The T Report

T went to the doctor yesterday (Thursday 10/20) for her 2 month check up. She was 12 pounds (70-80th percentile) and 23.5 inches long (90th percentile). (Yesterday she was 9 weeks.) T has gained almost 4 pounds since birth. T is long and skinny.

To compare the girls...
N (#1--3.75 now) was 13 pounds 8 ounces and 23.25 inches long at 2 months. N's weight gain was amazing cause she was 7 pounds 9 ounces at birth which meant she gained almost 6 pounds in 2 months! For a while she was 90th weight and then at some point she dropped down to 70-80th percentile weight and stayed there and went from about 70th-80th height to 90-95th percentile height.

At exactly 9 weeks, K (#2--17 months now) weighed 13 pound and 1/4 ounce and 24.5 inches long. 90th percentile weight and "off the charts" in height. She was 9 lbs at birth so she gained 4 pounds. At 15 months K was only 50th weight and height though so she may end up smaller than N.

Other T news...
She's smiling lots and her eyes are tracking objects well. (T slept almost nonstop her first six weeks and it didn't seem like her eyes were focusing when she was awake. I was relieved when at around 7 weeks she started waking up more and looking around and smiling. She was such a sleepy baby that her eyes didn't have a chance to learn to focus till about 7 weeks.) She's now cooing like crazy (for the last couple of weeks) and getting close to giggling. She makes the sweetest and cutest little baby noises. Today she's started studying her hands to try and understand them. I just love it when they do that. They look and look at their hands and then turn their hands over and look some more. So cute.

One not good thing....
I had noticed that she was always tilting her head to the left (in her car seat, the swing, and when lying in the cradle on her back). I thought she might have toticollis (tight neck). She does have mild torticollis and a little bit of a flat head on the left side from this. We will take her to a physical therapist to learn some stretching exercises for the torticollis. The doctor is not worried about either. Both the torticollis and flattening on her head are very very mild. Hopefully all will be resolved soon. I'm trying not to freak out. I'd read about toriticollis and a friend's baby had a mild case, but I've never had to deal with it in one of my own children before.

The N&K front...
So in addition to T getting her check up and getting three vaccinations (Polio, Prevnar, HiB), we also took N and K to get some vaccinations yesterday. ("Shots all around--on me," I shouted as we walked into the doctor's office. Not really, but it would have been kind of fun to have done so.)

K got one (DTaP). She has slept a little more, but otherwise didn't seem to notice at all. She looked a little upset after she got the shot, but the nurse gave her a lollipop and she was very happy about the lollipop and forgot all about the shots. Poor N got two (MMR and DTaP) and she was very emotional about it. She had a nap yesterday, slept late this morning and today her arm is pretty swollen. She says it only hurts if her band-aid falls off. (It fell off today and we didn't have any more and that was very bad. Daddy had to stop and buy some band-aids on his way home from work.)

Heavy Machinery

I really should not be operating heavy machinery. I'm not sure why so tired/braindead except that I'm kind of stressed and I'm only 9 weeks post-partum. I am getting good sleep (at 6 hours, usually 7, and sometimes 8 hours in a row). I know I have nothing to complain about in the sleep department, especially with such a young baby and two others under 4, but I'm still tired and feeling a bit fuzzy headed.

Two examples from today of why I shouldn't operate heavy equipment:

-Tried to put my iced chai tea in the microwave instead of my frozen veggie burger. Fortunately, I realized this before I turned on the microwave.

-Tried to the shut garage door before my husband backed out (We were both leaving at the same time and I had already backed out, but he hadn't. I was looking at his car with his back up lights on while shutting the door. I realized my mistake and tried to open the door but it was half-way down already.)

I know there are more examples, but I just can't remember them. Sigh.

I remember after N was born that it took 6 months before I felt like me again. I remember at the time thinking how wrong it was that maternity leave was only 6 weeks long and that the Family Medical Leave Act only guaranteed your job for 12 weeks. I remember thinking it really should be 6 months. (I did take 3 months off before going back and then I only went back at half-time.)

I don't remember how long it took for me to feel like myself after K was born, but retrospectively, I'm guessing I felt pretty good by the time she was 4-5 months old. I know I was doing a lot at work before she was 6 months old.

I'm guessing I'll feel more cognitively normal in another month or two or three. My speculations on this are supported here (the full abstract is copied below in case that link goes away). It basically says that women show temporary cognitive deficits for about 3 months and get better by 6-12 months. That is pretty much what I observed in myself previously (gotta love introspection!).

Temporary peripartal impairment in memory and attention and its possible relation to oxytocin concentration.

Silber M, Almkvist O, Larsson B, Uvnas-Moberg K.

Dept of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, Huddinge University Hospital, Karolinska Institute, Stockholm, Sweden.

The aim of the present study was to investigate peripartal performance on cognitive tests and its possible relationship with plasma oxytocin concentrations. Twenty women (cases) were tested on five experimental occasions, the first toward the end of pregnancy and the last 12 months postpartum. On each experimental occasion performance on cognitive tests of memory and attention was recorded and oxytocin concentrations were simultaneously assayed in plasma-samples. Twenty non-pregnant women (controls) were investigated at similar intervals. Cases were found to have improved their performance on some cognitive tests significantly more than controls when results at 6 and 12 months after delivery were compared with those from the end of pregnancy and up to three months after partus. This observation strongly suggests impairment in cognitive performance during the peripartal period. Cases had significantly higher oxytocin concentrations than controls in plasma samples up to three months post partum. No correlation was, however, found between cognitive test results and levels of oxytocin concentration.

PMID: 2388518 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]

The Middle One

Oh, sweet K... You're 17 months now. When I ask you what you want to eat for lunch or dinner you respond with "ummmmm" and then you think about it and then you'll sometimes tell me what you want. "Eggy" or "Pot Pie" are the usual answers. So dang cute.

You're the snuggliest little creature I know currently. You give me big hugs and you say "Mama" so sweetly. You still nurse once a day (first thing in the morning) and sometimes you ask for it in the afternoon when you are tired. Sometimes you get it and sometimes we distract you with other food.

You love kitties and love to meow. For Halloween you'll be a little kitty. You love to carry around your Halloween bag on your arm like a purse. I think you're going to be more of a girlie-girl than your big sister N. In fact, it seems you're already teaching her how to be more of a girlie-girl. She imitates what you do sometimes and has become more interested in purses and things of that nature since you've been around. (I don't know if it's just cause she likes to take things away from you or if she's genuinely interested.)

You are also a fiesty fiery one though. When you don't get your way you scream. Bloody murder in fact. This trait has earned you the nick-name "Banshee-Babe." (See http://www.resort.com/~banshee/home/banshee_definition.html for more info about Banshees.) You seem very smart and mischevious. You love to grab toys from your sister and run away with them. You just giggle when you do this. You have a smile that lights up the room and the biggest roundest blue eyes. I love to look into them in the morning when we are snuggling.

You love to give your big and little sister kisses. Your big sister sometimes likes this and sometimes doesn't. When you and your big sister are apart for a few hours you seem to miss each other because you give each other big hugs when you are re-united. Within about 2 minutes though you and she are back to taking toys from each other and making each other cry.

You're very close in age to both your big sis (2 years four months younger than she) and your little sis (15 months older). I hope you know that you're both lucky and not lucky to be in the middle. I am so glad that you are surrounded by sisters.

T's goal for the near future

T (8.5 weeks) has now set the goal of acquiring full neck control to hold up that little head all of the time. She holds it up pretty well most of the time, but every so often it gets the best of her.

Her other goal is to learn to get her thumb in her mouth every single time she needs it. It can be very elusive.

I did it!

I did it! I made it to my dance class tonight. I made it with my shoes and 2 socks--granted they were 2 socks from 2 different pairs (luckily they were both black), but I had 2!

Goal for tomorrow... Hmmmm... Not sure what else I want to accomplish now. Class was great. Just what I needed. I had two free-hands for over an hour! I feel good!

My goal for tomorrow

I try to set one or two goals for each and every day, but only one or two. With 3 little ones, accomplishing more than one or two things (aside from feeding and caring for them) is nearly impossible. I know I'll be able to do more each day as they get older so right now I don't worry too much about my lack of accomplishments.

Anyway, my goal for tomorrow is to go back to my dance class! I'm so excited. I took dance up until the week before T was born. I've missed it. It's been 9 weeks.

Today's goals, in case you were wondering, were to vacuum the upstairs of the house (got 2/3's of it done) and to get more unpacking done (didn't quantify how much and I did do some--in fact, I'm quite proud of how much). Tomorrow's goal is much more fun.

Life Stress Inventory

I'm tired and cranky and stressed most of the time.... and since I'm a psychologist by training (researcher not clinical) and I remembered that there was a life stress inventory scale. Just for kicks and grins I took it.

315 was my score. That's considered high.

It's confirmed, I have a reason (or rather 315 of them) to justify my tiredness, crankiness and feelings of stress. All things considered, I'm doing ok. I don't like being tired, cranky and stressed. It goes against my nature. I am usually rather polly-anna, and cheerful (though a major worrier).

I have to remember that this is temporary and that we're in an adjustment phase. I also have to think (the cheerful person in me) that I don't have it that bad. I am lucky that I have help (great nannies) and kids who sleep through the night and a wonderful (the absolutely best ever) husband.




(Some of the things that contributed to my high score... my cat died (he was a close family member and if any one tells me otherwise they can stick it where the sun don't shine), we moved, had 2 kids in 2 years, 2 pregnancies, a mortgage significantly over 10k, and other little things. I think I was doing ok with everything till we tipped the scale by moving, but if we hadn't moved, I would have had stress around that so I can't blame the move entirely... All of the stressors just add up (to 315).)

(The link on this post no longer works... here's a new link to the scale that does. Remember to count anything that has occurred in the last YEAR, not just recent things.)

An insight

Yesterday, I got a little insight into N's thought processes and she is rational and logical. I've been trying to get her to listen to me for years now (ok, maybe only "year," but it may be 2 by now, but it seems longer). I asked her why it is that when I ask her to do something that she starts to cry and demand to do something different. She answered, "I cry because you're not listening to me."

Wow. So it seems that she thinks I'm not hearing what it is that she wants. She's not listening to me because she feels I don't listen to her. Wow.

I do know that when I can sit down with her and actually listen instead of barking out orders that she does behave better. The problem is, with three, you can't always sit down and T A L K about everything. You need to know that when you say S T O P as the little one is about to head out into the street that she will indeed S T O P. Three is much more difficult than 2. Maybe I just need to give in and buy me a triple stroller and then I won't have to depend on N listening.

Adjusting expectations... Remembering that she's still a wee one... Hoping that I'm doing ok at the mothering gig.

I don't expect any sort of rational behavior from K or T (16 month and 7 weeks respectively), but I do expect some from N (3.5 years). Perhaps this is the problem, I shouldn't. Perhaps I need to change my expectations to fit the situation better.

Case in point. This morning, Daddy ate the last of the cereal she wanted to eat before she announced that that was the cereal she wanted. "Why did you eat it all Daddy?" "I just want that cereal." "Get some more." These were her cries. I worry that she's too much of a princess. I worry that since she was first born we met her every need too quickly and that now she's spoiled. I've switched from babying her to expecting rational behavior. I switched very suddenly to that stance when K was born. Now with 3, it's even harder on her I'm sure. I have even less time and patience for her antics.

Of course, I also have to remember that she's still adjusting to being a big sister to two now instead of just one. I have to remember that her outbursts are most likely because she needs attention... I have to remember that she'd prefer positive interactions, but that if I don't give her those she'll take negative interactions because it's better than nothing. I have to also remember that even though the nanny is loving and sweet to her, she's not Mom.

I just have fears that she'll be the spoiled princess that no one wants to have over to their house because she's so difficult because I, as her mother, failed.

Little Big Girl

In the last 2 weeks N (3 and 3/4s now) has decided she can do EVERYTHING ALL by herself. She's growing in so many ways... She washes her own hair, she wipes her own bottom, and she gets dressed all by herself. She even does a good job of making sure her shirts are on the right way. It's wonderful and difficult all at the same time.

She is very cute though. She says I'm a grown-up or I'm a Mom-Mom all the time. She's been obsessed with counting and can pretty much count to 40 (she says 30-ten). I've been trying to explain the repeating digits thing. She has sort of gotten it, but hasn't totally glommed onto the fact that 1-9 repeats each time.... I think the teens really throw her. I'm sure that's a common issue that kids have.

We start preschool next week on Wednesday. I'm sure we'll see her grow up even more after she starts. My first baby is definitely not a baby anymore.

Alone with 3

Today, I was alone with all three. I have been alone with all 3 before, but not for more than an hour or so. This was the first extended period of time. Yes, I was scared. Yes, I am a wimp.

The first hour was fine. 2 of the 3 were asleep. Then one of those sleeping ones woke up. No problem. I can handle two--especially the older one and the baby. I figured I'd have 1/2 hour with the baby and she'd fall back asleep before the other one (16 months old) would wake. Nope. 9 minutes after the baby woke up, the older one awoke too. Let the baby juggling begin.

4 minutes with all 3 awake and I'm sweating. Only 2 hours and 16 minutes (but who's counting) till back-up arrives. Deep breath... I laid the baby under her symphony-in-motion mobile in her cradle figuring that would buy me 5-10 minutes that I could start lunch for the 16 month old. I got 5 minutes. The 16 month old was eating and I hear the baby cry. I sprint up the stairs and sling the baby. Okay... coax the 16 month old to eat and stay seated in her chair. 16 month old decides she'd rather run around with pieces of her pot-pie than eat sitting down. End lunch for 16 month old. Catch her as she runs by, remove bib, wash hands.

Only 2 hours and 10 minutes to go. Let the two older ones run around and wear themselves out. Watch older daughter and 16 month-old fight over swing. Only 2 hours and 4 minutes to go. Hear phone ring and find out that my back up can't make it today. Want to cry. Realize that I now have 5 hours to go till back up arrives. Suck it up and take a really deep breath. After about a half hour the baby falls asleep. Realize that we all will survive, but it will be crazy. Decide to embrace the insanity instead of fighting it.

Some things you can do with 3.
Walk around the house with the baby in the sling and the two older ones and sing Old MacDonald and make up some new animals and new animal sounds. Do 50 verses... kill 10 minutes.

Put on a video for the older 2 and get 20-30 minutes of rest.

Second nap for the 16 month old buys you 1.25 hours of time with just two.

Whew... I'm trying to enjoy my time with the wee ones. I love them dearly, but when I'm alone with them, I'm scared. It's not that I'm scared of them, but rather that I'm scared that I can't handle them and that something will happen to one (or more) of them under my watch. I have to keep telling myself that it will get easier. It will, it will.

With one child, it was a cake-walk (why didn't I realize it at the time though????). With two, it was pretty easy, it took some getting used to, but it wasn't bad. With three, I have been promoted to the point of incompetence.

Motivations

Why did I start this blog...

I'm addicted to the blogosphere and I have a job where I need to be up-to-date on all things technology so I decided to try it. I played around with TypePad last year and it was nice (but it cost money after one month). Then I had to sign up for membership on Blogger to comment on one of the blogs I read regularly. I figured that it would be fun to try a blog again since I already had the account.

Last year, my TypePad blog experiment resulted in exactly 4 posts... I pulled it all down after the free trial period and felt like I understood creating a blog. None of my posts were that exciting, and I did not feel compelled to keep writing. I already keep a private journal of accomplishments of the kids and what we're doing in our life. It's long, fairly detailed (factually) and helps me remember things, but it is just for me and for the girls when they are older.

More explanations...

My husband is a very private person. I am a fairly private person and I respect his need for privacy and that results in a need to be fairly anonymous. I won't blog about too many details of my life. This blog is a chance for me to think about the issues that I'm facing adjusting to 3. If people who are interested in parenting find this blog and make helpful comments, that's great. I haven't yet decided if I'll share the link.

I'm not a writer, nor do I have a desire to be one, nor is writing traditionally an outlet for me. (Kickboxing or other physical exercise is.) I am doing this to help me organize my thoughts and remember what we went through as new parents of three... My journal helps with helping me remember, but I'm rarely reflective in the journal. I just tend to record events. Out here in the blogosphere, I know that someone might read this and it might help them think through something similar or they might have a comment for me that might help me.

For me, right now, this blog is all about reflecting--something that is nearly impossible to do in the day-to-day craziness of 3 little (very very little) girls.