It seems like I have to do a random post once a week, otherwise I don't end up recording all the things I want to record. I would like to write deep meaningful posts about each thing, but I never have enough time. Hang on here we go! A virtual whirlwind tour of our lives.
Wednesday was a 5 advil day. My left shoulder and neck were so sore I couldn't even think when the advil wore off. I don't like taking advil, because of the potential side effects, but it was necessary to get through the day. It was amazing how much they helped.
K (22 months) has started saying, "Miss you Mommy," or "Miss you Daddy." It's very very sweet. She also grabs me by the neck with both hands around my neck and pulls me into her and says, "Kiss Mommy." Sweet too, but a little disturbing when she puts her hands around my neck.
Sleep Stuff
T (7 months) is now learning to fall asleep on her own for naps and night time. We bought her a crib of her own (now we have 2) because I wasn't ready to move K (22 months) out of her crib. T is crawling all over the place so she can't do naps on our bed or even the floor (she just crawls all over the place and won't fall asleep). She had been fighting sleep more and more. It was time to have her learn how to sleep on her own.
The last few days she's been falling asleep after about 2-3 minutes of cry/fussing (not full-on crying) and taking good naps (1-3 hours). The first time she did a nap on her own she cried for 15 minutes before she fell asleep. It was very painful for me to listen to her cry, but it was time. It was time because she cried when I was holding her and trying to help her fall asleep. Regardless of whether I held her or didn't hold she was going to cry. Therefore, it was time for her to learn to sleep on her own.
I know a lot of parents won't do CIO. I don't think of it as CIO. I think of it as Learning to Sleep on Your Own (LTSOYO). Much nicer ring to it--maybe I'll write a book. I would love to see a way to get my children to sleep without crying, but nothing has actually worked. All of my girls reached a point when they couldn't go to sleep with me holding, rocking, walking or even being near them. They all had to do a little crying as they transitioned from falling asleep with me helping them, to falling asleep on their own, but it wasn't a bad thing.
The folks that call it CIO make you think you are going to damage your child psychologically if you let them cry for a while. (A short while, not a long while. I personally wouldn't allow longer than 20-30 minutes.) (Also, if a child throws up from crying, I would not leave them to cry--remember I have one of those kind of kiddos. She didn't start doing the throwing up thing until recently, but now, we don't let her cry at night. We get her to bed before the crying starts.)
So back to the point I was making, I completely believe that you will not damage your child by letting them cry a little. Trust me, I'm a developmental psychologist (not that kind... the research kind). It will not make them feel abandoned. N and K are really good sleepers, and they are both very secure little girls. K goes to bed and gets up a little earlier than we like (she tends to get up around 8 am and we like 8:30 or 9 am), but she sleeps ~12 hours straight almost every night and does a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. I can't really complain.
N sleeps 12-ish hours a night and is on what we consider the perfect schedule (9:30 ish - 9:30 ish). Sometimes she'll go to bed a little earlier and get up a little earlier and then sometimes she'll go a little later and get up later too. N just gave up her nap this fall when she was about 3 years 8 months.
When N was little I didn't want her to ever cry. I thought CIO was the worst thing ever. As she approached 10 months, I was spending about 3 hours a day getting her to fall asleep (1 hour for each sleep and she was taking 2 naps plus nighttime). Maybe I'm just not a good enough Mom, but I couldn't walk her for an hour before each nap and at night. She wouldn't let me sit and rock her... Nope I had to walk her. My back couldn't do it. She had to cry it out. I think she cried nearly 20 minutes the first time and then about 2 seconds the next time. That was it. I wished I had let her learn to sleep on her own sooner. With K, she learned to sleep on her own shortly after 6 months in about 6 minutes of crying.
I wouldn't try to get any baby under 4 months to learn to sleep on his or her own. I believe there is enough evidence about developmental changes that occur around 3-4 months that show they really do need lots of help with everything including sleep up until this point. When they start to hold their own head up, roll over and sit up, they are beginning to be able to be in charge of how they interact with the world, and it's at this point that I believe they can begin to learn how to take naps on their own. I personally prefer 6-7 months (or when they learn to crawl) as being the age for doing LTSOYO, but each child is different.
Whew... I didn't mean for this to become a sleep post... So anyway, T is going down for her naps pretty well (about 2-3 minutes of fussing--not even real crying) and now she's sleeping 1-3 hours at a time. She was kind of sleep deprived before--only doing .5 hour naps before. I'm happy she's doing better at sleeping. She was ready to LTS on her own.
Okay... That's it for tonight... Sorry for all the sleep talk! Now I'm tired and need to sleep. Tomorrow I'll finish the other random things I was going to write about.
Addendum:
I hope that this post comes across as only being what worked for us, as telling my story, and sharing why I think CIO isn't the work of the Devil, not as me advocating CIO or LTSOYO... I mean I am advocating to try LTSOYO and see if it works or not if your current sleep solution isn't working for you. If your kids are sleeping in a manner that is satisfactory to you, then don't mess with it! I'm all about if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Does that make sense?
5 comments:
I couldn't agree more with your post on LTSOYO. Although, I think mine did learn it before 6 months. I think by 4 months or so, they really are ready to sleep through the night, and go to sleep alone. My sister never even let her boys "fuss it out", let alone actually make a peep even close to a cry! I thought with baby #2 they'd wise up, but not really. Actually, there's another issue with him (he can go right to sleep when put in his crib), he gets up a few times a night still and she gives him MILK! Did I mention he will turn 2 this week-end?? I guess I should write my own post about this one! ha ha
Hello:
My son sounds similar to your daughter--he is very hard to console. We were already doing quote-unquote cio, as you said, only holding him.
He's doing all right now, after a week of Ferberish sleep training. But each night there's one long stretch of crying, usually about 25-35 minutes. What do you recommend doing after 30 minutes? The only thing that for-sure will calm him is a walk around the neighborhood in his sling. And I'm really afraid to start doing that--that he'll hold out for it.
Tralala,
I don't see an email address for you so I'll post here and hope you re-visit.
A couple of questions:
If you're holding your son while trying to get him to sleep, it's probably going to take a LOT longer to get him to sleep. (Is that what you meant by holding him?)
When he cries, how HARD is he crying? REALLY crying or fussing crying? Is he in danger of throwing up? If he's not, I might let him cry... if you can stand it. It will SUCK. You will feel like horrible person, but you aren't!!! When he wakes up after crying, I bet he'll give you a big smile because I bet he won't remember it!
It's your call, you're the Mom! Do what works best for your family.
I think you're right about the sling walk around the neighborhood.... Don't do anything you don't want to have to do every night. They are smart! They know what is good!
Let me know what happens if you read this.
Good luck!
JK:
I meant that there was a time when we would have done anything to get him to sleep--holding, rocking, walking around the neighborhood--and he would still cry. So that it was like cio without the benefit of being able to shut yourself in the bathroom with the fan on.
His crying varies; we are learning to decipher it. I was just wondering, since you said you wouldn't let crying go past about a half-hour, what you would do then?
Right now it's 4:30 in the morning and I woke up freaked out because we hadn't heard from him since he fell asleep at 8 p.m. after being put down at 7:30--a little later than usual. He slept for eight and a half hours! My husband is feeding him and I am wide awake with astonishment . . .
Thank you for responding! I'll check back in tomorrow.
Hey there Tralala,
Yippee on 8.5 hours of sleep in a row! It sounds like there has been some progress!
If mine were still crying at a half-hour I would assess the crying....
If they were crying less hard hard than they were before and I felt they were calming themselves down, I'd leave them. If it was hard to tell, I'd give it 5 more minutes and re-assess.
If I could stand it and I didn't think they were making themselves more worked up, I'd leave them. With K (my toughest one) she would cry until she threw up so we couldn't let that happen. With the others, I'd let them cry, as long as they were making some progress in calming themselves down.
If he's calming down, don't go in as it will just mean he'll get worked up when he sees you. It sucks and you feel helpless.... but it will be okay. Your son slept 8.5 hours and he was fine! Life is good!
Does your son have a snuggly blanket or toy that he likes? My girls all have blankets that are silky on one side and satiny on the other... They have loved them. No, they LOVE them.
Keep me posted!
JK
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