Sadness

Wendy Wasserstein died yesterday. She was only 55. She had a 6 year old daughter. I just read about her death on the front page of our newspaper tonight. Wendy Wasserstein was one of my favorite playwrights. I won a scholarship in college (in college I was a theatre major for a while) when I performed a monologue from one of her plays. I credit her writing and not my acting for the win. I am sad that we will not gain any more words from her. She was an amazing woman.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ent/arts/theater/3622345.html

Rejected!

Miss K (20 months) said, "NO," to nursing this morning. This was a first. She really didn't know what she wanted. I think her toddler independence is showing. If she wants to nurse tonight, that's fine, and if not, that's fine too. We'll see what happens. She's been so into nursing her whole life.

A little tired

T (5 months) has been very congested at night the last two nights and is having a difficult time sleeping. She's normally a great sleeper. Since I'm really not used to not sleeping, the past two nights have been hard on me. She will sleep, but she needs to be more propped up and she wants to be on me. On Sunday night she and I slept in the rocking chair for about 2 hours and then went back to bed for about an hour and then went back to the rocking chair. I got a decent amount of sleep, considering she's congested (and teething!) (the top 4 teeth are so ready to pop through--you can see them).

I would have been fine, but last night, I stayed up late working (till almost 1 am) and then she woke up at 2:30. I strapped her on with the Kozy carrier and went into the rocking chair. She feel asleep after about 1/2 hour of me rocking and soothing her. We slept there till about 5:17 am (but who's keeping track?). Then we went back to bed and slept in bed till 6:44 (again, who's keeping track?). Then we went back to the chair. My alarm went off at 7:30 and I turned it off. She and I slept till 8:42 and then I got us up. My neck and back weren't real happy about the chair sleeping, but I needed sleep!

I was pretty darn exhausted when she woke up at 2:30. I could barely stand. My husband suggested something helpful, like why don't you walk with her, while I was rocking while she was still fussing. I was far too exhausted to walk with her. Rocking her was the only option. I would have risked her safety had I tried to walk with her. When I asked him about it this morning he didn't remember it. (I do all the night time stuff because I just get silly/stupid when I'm tired. He gets grumpy when he's tired. I prefer me stupid to him grumpy.)

Anyway... I highly recommend strapping on the non-sleeping baby and rocking. I didn't have to worry about letting go of her while I was asleep. She was secure and I got a decent amount of sleep in that chair. As I mentioned above, my neck and back are telling me about it, but I'm at least mostly awake today. I can't do too many more nights like these last two and still function well cognitively, but for now we're okay. If she doesn't sleep better tonight we're going to the pediatrician tomorrow to have her ears checked I think.

This....

Miss K (20 months) seems really verbal. I came home on Wednesday and our new-ish babysitter was just full of praise for Miss K and her cognitive abilities. "She's so smart." The new-ish babysitter gushed. (Me cynically thinking... You want a raise....) "She counted to 12 and she said T is for T_____ (her little sister's name)." Me, "Wow. I've never heard her say T is for T_____."

I don't think Miss K has the understanding that letters form words, but she is on her way. She knows what letters are and she does know the names of some letters. Last night I showed her a block with a "C" on it and I asked her what it was. She instantly responded with, "C." "Oh double wow," I thought.

I showed her another one with "M" and she responded with, "ummmmm.... This." I told her it was an "M" and she agreed.

I showed her a "W" She said, "Double." Pretty darn impressive.

I showed her an "S" and she responded with, "ummmmm.... This."

"This" is the answer she uses when she doesn't know the answer. "This" is actually a very good answer. She is correct when she says, "This." She got bored with this "name the letter game" and we moved on to something else. With my random sample of 4 letters she got 50% correct. I would guess she knows and can identify anywhere from 25-50% of the letters (if her mood was good).

I need to look back and see when N learned to count to 10. I video-taped her doing it when she was 22 months old. I know she was starting to be interested in numbers when she was 19 or 20 months old. Miss K watches videos that N (4) watches and I know she's been exposed to the concept of numbers, letters, counting, the alphabet and that letters make words much more than N had at this age. Miss N has been learning at a very quick pace. Miss K may be learning things even faster.

Miss K can count to 6 for sure. I know she doesn't fully have the concept of 6, as in quantity, but she can count to that. I'm sure she's starting to learn the concept of quantity. Some people think that we're innately wired to understand the concept of 1 and 2 and "more" (designating values over 2).

See these two web sites for more info about how innate numerical concepts may be.

http://web.media.mit.edu/~stefanm/society/som_final.html (This one is pretty cool and talks about experiments demonstrating that infants between 4 and 7 months can discriminate the quantity of 2 from 3, but not 4 items from 6 items (Starkley, Spelke, & Gelman, 1983). It also talks about skills necessary for counting.)

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/Press/prnumbers.cfm (This one shows that individual brain cells represent the concept of numbers and that neurons, in the part of the brain, where reasoning occurs, pick favorite "numbers.")

The new-ish babysitter said she heard K count to 12. I've heard her say the names of numbers up to 13, but I'm not sure if they were in the right order. She definitely has the concept of counting. She says unique names for the different things she is counting (most of the time) and she touches the items as she says the number names. She tends to only count when there are multiple things of the same kinds of objects (e.g., blocks) meaning she hasn't quite abstracted that counting can be used on mixed types of objects.


Oh, another accomplishment Miss K has made is the potty. She's not potty trained by any stretch of the imagination, but she knows what it's for and has used it about 6 times in the last 3 months. I'm pleased with this. When N was this age, asking her if she wanted to sit on the potty resulted in screaming and crying--most emphatically she did not want to sit on the potty.

I'm hoping that over the summer we can get Miss K potty-trained. She'll be 2 in May. I'd be perfectly happy if she were just day trained and still wore diapers at night. Miss N was successfully potty trained by 2 years 10 months for wetness (even at night)... It took a little longer for the other, but we got there fairly close to age 3. I've got no complaints! Okay before this turns into a potty training post I'll stop.

It's so much fun to watch them learn.



(File under this is such a mommy blog!)

Starkey P., Spelke E.S., Gelman R. (1983). Detection of Intermodal Numerical Correspondences by Human Infants. Science 222, 179-181.

Everyday

Everyday I find about 17,000 more things I want to write about. I write about the minutiae, but that's ok. That's where I'm living right now. I'm loving it. I'm loving hanging out with my little girls. I'm okay with being behind at work. The girls are more important. I'm having fun right now watching K (20 months) draw with magic markers (washable!) and N (4) play with her pixter and draw with the stylus. K is being very careful to only color on the paper (a first) and she has a paintbrush (it's dry and there is no paint) but she is pretending to paint. It's very cute and I'm very happy.

I often call my husband during the day to ask him if he's as happy as I am. Even when I'm overwhelmed, underneath it all, I'm happy. It's a nice place.

N is drawing a picture of me with her in my belly. N is a little obsessed with babies and birthing them. She knows all about how they grow inside of you, about the umbilical cord, and about how they come out now. What she hasn't figured out is how they get in there. I'm kind of of the "don't ask, don't tell" school of thought right now. She's asked me how they get inside and I've skirted the issue with, well, they start really really small and grow and that satisfied her. When she asks, "But how do they get in there in the first place?" we'll have "the talk." It's not that I don't want her to know, but 4 seems so young and she hasn't really and truly asked.

I think I'm a bit squeamish because my parents were definitely squeamish about the topic. I think I'm going to get this book.... It's called a "classic." Looks good to me.

I think 30 years ago my parents could be more squeamish about talking to me than I can be talking to my girls. Things have changed a lot. The world is a different place. Our culture is different. I don't like the American attitude toward sex and nakedness and women and breasts, and I need to talk to the girls to share with them my perspective so they can learn what I believe rather than getting it from someone else. (Just so you don't think I'm totally neglecting my duties as a Mom to little girls....We have talked with N (4) about "her parts" and how they are hers and how no one should try and touch her there.)

This seems interesting too but for a bit older of a kid. I don't like the description of an embarrassed Bee, but perhaps it works for the older kid.

This one is actually one I think looks really good. (I read the reviews and I like the reviews on this one.)

Besides writing this post and looking up "sex" books on Amazon I'm also supervising the cutest 20 month old and 4 year old that I know as they are painting with watercolors. And that's another entry in and of itself.

Good News!

The scale went down 3.5 pounds this morning! I'm not sure why, but I'm happy. (I told you it wasn't real weight! There's no way I burned off 10,500 extra calories yesterday.)

Happy dance!

Not good

My scale has gone up 3 pounds in the last 2 days. I must be retaining water or something. I'm not happy about this. I know it's not "real" weight, because for it to be real weight, I would have needed to eat an extra 9,000 calories in the last two days and I think I would have noticed that.

I haven't eaten an extra 9,000 calories. Even if I ate a whole Ben and Jerry's ice cream that would have only been about 1000-1200 calories. I certainly haven't eaten 8 Ben and Jerry's ice creams. I've eaten my usual diet and don't know what is up. I'm going to try not to worry about it and just drink extra water and eat a little less for the next couple of days and hope the scale goes back to normal soon... Hmmmm ... maybe it's broken?

Going to investigate.

I am a little worried about inverse correlations

N (4) was a very very sleepy baby for the first 4 months of her life and then she became a super-spaz! K (20 months) was not that sleepy of a young baby. In fact, her big blue eyes were hardly ever shut during the day. She was a good night sleeper, but was never a sleepy baby like N. As she got older she became a spaz, but not a super-spaz. I am usually exhausted when I spend time with N and with K she doesn't tire me out.

T (5 months) was the sleepiest baby girl... she slept about 22 of the 24 hours for the first 6 weeks of her life. She was much sleepier than N. I was worried about her sometimes. She would sleep for 5 hour stretches when she was only a few days old. She nursed really well and had lots of wet and poopy diapers so I didn't worry too much (and because she was baby girl #3 and you just worry a lot less). She seemed like a normal baby when she was awake, it was just that she wasn't awake very much at all.

Now, at 5 months, I'm worried that T is going to outspaz her sister N. T seems very very very active. I think we might be in trouble. It's a good thing we have N to chase after T.

My favorite artists

One of my current favorite artists is N age 4. I'm also fond of K's work, but she tends to rip them up after she creates her pieces so I don't have as many of hers. She also doesn't ever call her pictures "done." She will work on them for days. It's hard to get her to give up a piece. (Such an artistic temperament already!) Anyway, here is one of N's earlier pieces, done at age 3 years 11 months.




She's working with two mediums in this piece... watercolor and crayon. She drew a horse, and painted him and also painted the sky, sun and grass (freehand). I love it.


Unpublished on 7/25/09 when edited and re-published to Family Blog.

I think this is genius....

http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/.

I seriously love this project. I had been thinking of something similiar, but trying to figure out a technological solution... Their use of the good old-fashioned USPS is genius. (I was constrained by the box of technology.)

My project idea was similiar in that it would give a place for people to tell anonymous tales, but my place would be for frustrated graduate students to share their experiences in graduate school. Seriously... I was a graduate student in a Psychology Department for many years and it was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I'm almost over it now. I'l have to tell you stories someday. Oh the dysfunction in that department! (The affairs, the booze, the guns.... seriously. Oh my!)

Along the lines of dysfunctional academics... Moo is a great book.

So is Straight Man. (As an aside, this was a Christmas present one year to me from someone who doesn't know my taste in books. I enjoyed it very much.)

Cool....It looks like there are some new books along these lines that have been published since I have read in this genre.

Okay... and now back to the regularly scheduled blog.

If...

If you are a clueless person who is walking behind your 14 month old who is toddling very very very slowly, don't tell me we should leave open the door that leads to the pool because Billy* is exploring and having fun toddling inside and outside. It's not your house. If it were your house, I wouldn't complain. You could leave the damn door open and I wouldn't say anything. It's not my house either, and yes, it's lovely that little Billy* wants to toddle in and outside, but by not shutting the door, you are making my life hell. You are just clueless!

My 20 month old, K, who runs so fast it makes your head spin, is trying to dart outside and jump in the pool. You're wondering what, "Sim! SIMMMMMMM!" yelled at the top of her lungs means???? Swim... She wants to go swim. She would jump in the pool if I let go of her for 2 seconds. Do you not understand that???? When I try to shut the door so that I can pay attention to one of my other 3, please leave it shut. Yes, you only have one, but I have 3. Your one, who is toddling, is less active than my 5 month old it looks like. No, you can't help me by watching my 20 month old. She would end up in the pool if I let you watch her.



*Name changed to protect the innocent.

egocentric much?

Last week, I had this dream. I dreamt I had gone back to where I grew up to visit my family and the local newspaper was running a story about blogs. Featured in this story was, coincidentally, my blog. As I've said before, I fear that my Mom will find this blog. It's really not a very rational fear, but one that apparently haunts my psyche.

Anyway, in this dream, my blog, was featured in the newspaper article. My brothers read the article and knew that the blog was mine. My Mom hadn't clued in yet. My brothers were starting to blackmail me to keep it a secret. Pretty funny huh?

Sitting up!

T (5 months) is now sitting up on her own with no assistance. She can sit, she can bend over grab a toy and sit back up. She's so proud! I'm so proud too! She's been sitting kind of for a week or so, but now she is really good and steady. She's going to be crawling so soon. My baby! My last baby is growing up! She really likes being able to sit. I wonder if she'll be crawling in a month (like her sisters were after they learned to sit) or if she's content and happy just to sit. Somehow, I'm guessing she's a mover and a shaker baby and will be crawling all over the place, chasing her sisters, and getting into T-trouble!

Dancing in the streets

I said that I would do that when I sent off the report, but I'm not sure if I have time. I just sent off version 1. I'm sure I'm not done, but I feel better finally having a complete version. I sent version 1 of Part 1 on Monday morning and version 1 on Parts 2-4 today.

Now I have to turn to something that was due yesterday (my S.E.). And write up another section for another project that is due on Monday (wow, I'm not actually late on one thing!). Off I go.

Mi Vida Loca

My crazy life... not to be confused with the movie.

Today, I was in a hurry to go somewhere and I needed to find my cell phone. I looked in all the usual places, but I couldn't find it. I decided I would call it from our house phone. It would ring and I would hear it. As it's ringing I'm looking and trying to track it. Where did it turn out to be??? In the pantry. Oh yea... I bought tea and I put it away and apparently I put my cell phone down in there while I was putting away the tea.

Life if just crazy and my brain is still not all the way back.

Did I tell you I have no idea where my car keys are? Yup, that's right, no idea. I'm sure H*onda would be happy to sell me a replacement set. I don't know if I put them somewhere (like the pantry) that made sense at the time or if one of my 2 little helpers (N--4 or K 20 months) put them somewhere that made sense to them. My keys have a cord on them that attaches to the cell phone. I figured I would keep them attached to the cell phone and then I could call it and find them, but apparently I failed to connect the phone and keys before I decided to lose the keys. D'oh! What was I thinking?

Did I tell you about the time I was at work and in a meeting and I felt something weird in my back pocket? It felt funny as I was sitting down so I reached back there and pulled a teaspoon out of my pocket. Yea... a teaspoon in my back pocket during a meeting. It could have been worse… There are many items it could have been that it wasn't and I'm so glad about that. The fun just never stops around here. I remembered what happened as I pulled the spoon out of my pocket... K (20 months) had gotten up from breakfast and had taken her spoon with her. You can't let a 20 month old run around with a spoon so I took it and put it in my back pocket as I washed her hands in the bathroom and there is where it stayed.

Let me know if you see my keys will you?

from whence it came

It's so much fun when T (5 months) spits up and it manages to go down my shirt and settle in the cleavage. Yum.

Depressing

I just talked with my parents Sunday. When we actually talk, it's always so depressing to me. I love them, but they are aging, which I realize it is a natural part of life, but watching or listening to them talk about slowing down and what they are experiencing is no fun.

It sounds terrible to compare my parents with my cat, but I loved my cat. Really truly loved him. When I was watching him age and slowly die, I felt like he was helping to prepare me for the inevitable with my parents.

Anyway, while talking to my parents I was treated to hearing about how much pain my Mom is in. She has bad osteoporosis. It may actually not just be osteoporosis. It may be metastasized bone cancer. She sees an oncologist. She is on a treatment which works for both osteoporosis and breast cancer (it starts with a Z and I can't remember the name of it right now). It is a very strong bone strengthener and it is supposed to help relieve the pain. (It's actually difficult to tell whether she has bone cancer or just osteroporsis and from a treatment standpoint there's no benefit to knowing the difference because whatever she has, the treatment is the same. The prognosis for bone cancer, if she has it (and the kind she'd have), is about 10 years. The oncologist thinks that something else will probably be responsible for her demise before then. She knows this, but the thought of cancer freaks her out.)

She recently had bronchitis and coughed a lot. She's afraid she might have broken a bone in her back (again) from the coughing. She has several vertebral fractures and there's not a lot that medical science can do for her. She had vertebroplasty, (they surgically glue the vertebrae that is broken) and it helped with her pain, but she's scared of it again because they broke her sternum while fixing her back. She also doesn't want to be put under a general.

She wants the pain to go away, but there doesn't seem to be anything that helps. I know that the pain really makes it hard for her to cope. I know that she worries that she is going to die. I don't think it's her time, but she's in so much pain right now. When I talk to my brothers, they never seem to know how much pain has. I don't know if she just tells me or what.

I asked her what her regular doctor said, and he said there wasn't much they could do. I asked her if she told him how much pain she was in, and she said she didn't think so. She says she will talk to the oncologist today.

While talking to my parents I also learned that my Dad's macular degeneration is worse. He is 85. My brothers and I don't think he should be driving any more, but try telling that to him. Very stubborn man he is. I guess that it's not unusual, but I don't know how we're going to get him off the streets.

My Dad also did a sleep test. They found out he is not breathing in his sleep and losing oxygen. They are doing another one soon. The one piece of good news is that my dad has a new prosthetic device for his shoe and he thinks he might be able to walk a little better.

My Mom also told me about my cousin who may have breast cancer. My cousin's Mom, who was my Mom's sister, just died of breast/liver cancer last year. My cousin is not that old. She is 53. Hopefully she's post-menopausal. Being post-menopausal makes breast cancer less aggressive usually. (Gross scientific understatement here, but I need to get working!)

It's so hard for me to be so far away from my parents sometimes. I feel guilty. I wish my parents were closer because I do wonder if they could see their young grandchildren all the time if it would help make them younger. I know that they are both doing well to have made it to 80 plus, but does one ever feel they have lived "long enough?" I know that in the next few months my brothers and I are going to have to deal with some tough things.

We're going to need to figure out what to do about my Dad's driving. Actually we don't need to figure out what to do about it, we just need to deal with it and get him to stop. We also need to think about if they can continue to live in their house or if we need to move them to an assisted-living community. I know they are worried about having enough money to live in one of those, but I hope they can die broke and not leave money for their kids. (I want them to spend their money on their life.)

I think they have enough in savings (and if they sold their house) to live out the remainder of their years (hopefully many many) in an assisted place and be a bit more comfortable and not have to worry about things like going to the grocery store. Or getting their sheets changed. Or finding a cleaning person. They don't want to give up their independence. Iit's hard for them to realize that they would be getting a much easier life if they would go to an assisted living place.

Aging sucks.

Ring around the Rosie

I have memories from when I was about 4 of wanting to play Ring around the Rosie with my parents and of them never wanting to play it as long as I would have liked. I would have played it non-stop for 1/2 hour or more I'm sure. Gee, I wonder why my parents didn't want to play it that long?

Last night, N (4) and K (20 months) were playing it together and it was so cute. Ring around the Rosie is definitely a game meant for kids and not adults. They were so cute! Next year at this time, T might be old enough to join in too.

After a few rounds of that they decided that it was actually more fun to run around singing "I'm the map I'm the map..." (Song from Dora the Explorer.) This fun lasted for probably 10 minutes.

It's amazing to me how much K says now. She was singing almost all the words to Ring around the Rosie.

Oh, and if you're wondering about the words to Ring around the Rosie, then click away... it's kind of interesting. (I've always wondered what the heck it meant! Turns out it doesn't really mean anything!) (See for a little more back-up about this too.)

And then

the tears start and you just can't stop them. The tears aren't even about what you thought was stressing you. The tears are about your wonderful kitty who has been gone for almost a year. Who you miss so much. You know there are a few people out there who understand how much "just a cat" could mean to you, but they are few and far between.

You started crying because you read a post on an email list from someone who had his kitty put to sleep six months ago. He writes that he thinks he gave up on his kitty before his kitty was ready to go. It touches a nerve. You have wondered the same. Because you had your kitty put to sleep you will always wonder if you gave up sooner than your kitty wanted you to. Your husband tells you no you didn't. Your friend who saw your kitty the day he was put to sleep also tells you it was the right time.

You comfort yourself by thinking that you chose to have him put to sleep only 3 days before he would have died if you'd have let nature take its course. You think it was 3 days earlier than he would have died on his own because you think that T was born exactly 6 months after he should have died.

T was born on the 18th 6 months after he died on the 15th. You completely thought T was going to be born on the 15th, and when she wasn't you decided it was because she and your kitty have a connection and he wanted her to be born on the day he would have died naturally.

That's why you think it was only 3 days sooner than he would have died if you'd left him alone. You think he had T born on the day he should have died and then sent a message telling you that because of a kitty you saw while you were in the hospital after you had T.

You tell yourself you didn't cheat him out of 3 days of life. You tell yourself that he would have been in agony. He was suffering from congestive heart failure with pleural effusion plus chronic renal failure. You had given him around the clock care for the last 3 weeks of his life and lots of other care for the last 2 years. You were willing to spend any amount of money to help him, and the vet knew that, but even she said it was time to let him go too. You tell yourself it's okay because putting him to sleep was painless for him. Part of you believes it. All of you misses him.

Arrggh!

Some days I'm so overwhelmed I can't even see straight.

Today would be one of those days. It got really bad about 1/2 hour ago. I mostly just wanted to cry. I just want to freeze the rest of the world and catch up with all that I have to do.

My car is a mess. My house is a mess. I have to cook dinner. I need to finish this DAMN report. I'm tired. There's a lot more, but I don't have time to write about it. I don't have time to cry about it either. I just have to keep working as fast as possible.

One cup at a time

Change is hard... No matter how small the change is. I've been trying to make a couple of changes in my life. I think I have successfully made one change. Instead of Starbucks, I've been trying to go to a local coffee chain. It's got really great coffees and teas. I like it significantly better than Starbucks. The problem with changing to it is that it is a teeny bit longer of a drive, they have horrible parking (too small of a lot), and they are slower. The people that work there are very nice though. I can get to Starbucks and home in 15 minutes. When I go to the local coffee chain it's closer to 1/2 hour given all the issues (listed above). It makes me feel like a better person to go to the local chain. It was much harder for me to go to the local chain in December. In December, I would start out for the local chain coffee shop and then end up at Starbucks because of auto-pilot driving. Now, it's getting more automatic to go to the local one. Yay!

My other change is to bring my own cup to the coffee shop. I've been remebering to do this probably 4 days a week. I literally go to the coffee shop every day. I love coffee, but my husband hates it--he can't even stand the smell of me brewing it at home. Because I love my husband I make the sacrifice and go out to get coffee every day. (It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.) Anyway, since I go every day, I end up tossing 365 cups a year. I feel it's my duty to take my own cup as often as possible and not create that much waste.

If I'm up to remembering my own cup 4 days a week, that's significantly less cups tossed because of me. Yay me. I'm working on it. I think that I'll soon be remembering every day. Perhaps I need to stick an emergency back up cup in the back of my car for when I do forget. (What a good idea that was! Good ideas come from blogging! Even when you're only talking to yourself!)

Considering Veggie Bacon

We've been eating veggie bacon a fair amount lately. Partly it's because I'm craving less fat (as T gets older (now 5 months) that happens--when she hits 7 or 8 months I'll be close to my normal eating habits) and partly because I think it's kind of fun.

Way way back (1991) I became a vegetarian. In about 1995/1996 I decided that all things in moderation worked better for me, and then when I got pregnant with N (2001), I began to crave* meat. My meat eating waxes and wanes depending on my need for fat and protein which depends on where I am in terms of pregnancy or nursing. This last pregnancy with T, I craved bacon. Considering I was both pregnant and nursing, it's not surprising that I craved very fatty meat!

I remember being very excited when the cafeteria where I work would have a sandwich with bacon on it for lunch. I remember when I learned I could ask J (the main cook there) if he could add bacon to my sandwiches even on days when it wasn't a special. (Oooooohhh... Bacon!) When I was pregnant with T I would also try to get to work before 10 am (difficult coming from my house) so that I could get eggs and bacon from the cafeteria for breakfast. It was all about bacon for me. Very very weird. It was a great day if I could get bacon for both breakfast and lunch.

Recently, I discovered veggie bacon and it tastes pretty good. It's a nice compromise because real bacon kind of greases my husband out. Veggie bacon gives you that bacony taste with a lot less grease.

Anyway, perhaps the coolest thing, to me, about Veggie Bacon is that if you wanted to, you could eat it raw. I have no desire to eat veggie bacon raw, but if I did want to, I could. It wouldn't hurt me! I also don't have the desire to lick my fingers after putting it in the pan to cook, but once again, if I wanted to, I could. You just can't do that with real bacon.

I remember being told how scary trichinosis was as a child. I always cook my real bacon until it resembles charcoal. The incidence of trichinosis in pork has actually declined and according to the link above, and cases of trichinosis are now only about 50 a year. Even so, raw bacon or undercooked bacon = yuck in my opinion.

What's your favorite thing about "fake meats?"

* Despite my craving of real meat during the pregnancy, I'm pretty sure I still eat it less than many people in the U.S. I think over the last 5 years I've not eaten it more than 2 times a week on average. (On average... Some days it was all meat!)

Wean....

from http://m-w.com/ 1 : to accustom (as a child) to take food otherwise than by nursing

K (20 months) says, JUST SAY NO! She's now back to twice a day nursing. Given her cold last week I figured it was important since she really wanted to nurse. I hope to wean her by summer time, but I'm not seeing how it will happen. She is so into nursing. I guess we'll play it by ear. T (5 months) will hopefully nurse till she is 2. My breasts will be in business until 8/07 if that is the case. And then they will retire way down south... (That was supposed to be funny, but I'm not laughing.)

So far I've nursed for 35 months. 15 with N and now 20 with K. Only 19 or so to go until T is 2 years.

I am so lame

My throat felt a little better during the day. I hope that by tomorrow I am back to normal (whatever that is!). At any rate, tonight will be another random facts post since I'm a little out of sorts and am tired. This is perhaps the longest and most rambling blog post of all times and all universes. The only organizing principle is little asterisks. Most thoughts between the sets of asterisks are related. Sometimes coherently.

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N (4) likes to go to the park right by our house and hang on the low set of monkey bars. She'll hang by her knees on one of the rungs and with her hands on another rung. She used to do this and call herself a "slock." It took me a little while to figure out she was trying to say "sloth." I would try to correct her but she would say, "No, I'm a slock, not a sloth." Now she's a sloth she says.

How quickly they grow and how quickly they learn what is correct. When she was younger (around 2) she used to call horses "forses." She could say the "H" sound, as she'd say hat correctly, but horsey always came out forsey. I was so sad when she suddenly got it and started saying horse. Unfortunately, I didn't write down when forse extinguished. I think the one word N still mispronounces is flower as "flowler."

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When I picked N up from preschool on Wednesday I was treated to a new piece of artwork that was painted while listening to Beethoven. I inquired about the painting. She said it was a tree frog. Beethoven and treefrogs... okay... My girl is creative.


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A friend of mine just got a puppy... It's a darling golden retriever. Seeing it made me want a puppy! Not yet though. I can't handle the 3 babies I have. Four would push me over the edge! But the pup was so cute!


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I'm melting... I have lost at least 10 pounds since starting my If lots of BBQ chips in the afternoon then no ice cream at night TM diet about 11 weeks ago. Not bad... About one pound a week.

Actually, the whole being pregnant and breastfeeding thing is so interesting to me. My body loses the weight pretty predictably as long as I'm not eating too much (like a pig). I'm now in jeans that are one size bigger than my normal jeans. It was right about this weight last time that I started squeezing into my regular jeans. (And right about this weight was when I got pregnant with T.)

I'm not quite ready to squeeze into my regular jeans, but in about 2-3 pounds I might be! Woo-hoo! (This time I don't think I'll end up pregnant when I put on those jeans--we have medical science trying to prevent that from happening.) One thing seems a little different in my weight loss this time, my legs seem smaller and my stomach seems slightly bigger. Given 3 pregnancies in 4 years, it's not surprising that this might be the case.

I am still optimistic and believe that I can get back into the same shape I was in before kids. (Am I naive?) I think believing I can do it is half the battle. I've got about 10 more pounds to go.

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The being more patient with N thing... I'm doing much better and being much more patient. I just keep reminding myself how young she really is and when she's really driving me crazy I just calmly pick her up and carry her up to her room and give her a time-out. I used to feel bad about doing this. I used to feel like I wasn't being a good parent because I couldn't talk about things with her and calm her down. It actually turns out that she likes to get a little time on her own like this.

One evening, she was just being completely irrational and insatiable, and I carried her to her room and laid her on her bed. As I was walking out the door she feebly said, "Could you take off my shoes so I can be more comfortable." I took off her shoes and then walked out of the room before I began laughing.

I think some kids just need time alone. I no longer feel inadequate for doing time-outs with her. She's a little girl who has always needed her own space. This is just another example of that.

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A long time ago (Sept.) I wrote how I thought T (5 months) might end up as my brunette.... I spoke to soon... In about November she started getting lighter and lighter hair. Now she's very blonde. N (4) is turning darker so maybe she'll be my brunette. N says she doesn't want dark hair. N says she wants to be a blonde. Her father says, "Better living through chemistry."

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K (20 months) is now walking down the stairs holding on to the wall or the handrail instead of bouncing down the stairs on her little bottom. This walking down thing started happening a couple of weeks ago. She is so coordinated and careful. Have I mentioned she likes to try to count? She says most of the names of numbers between 1 and 10 and sometimes they are even in the right order.

Last night as I was putting her to bed she kept saying, "night-night Mom Mom." Over and over. Very cute.

The other night I asked her if she wanted me to feed her yogurt or if she wanted to feed herself and she replied, "I'll do it." Totally enunciated. I almost dropped the yogurt!

In the last couple of days, K has learned that her favorite blanket (bankie! as she says) (and yes she always says it with the exclamation point) is yellow. When I get her out of the crib in the morning she hands it to me and says, "yel-yow."

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T is really beginning to laugh and giggle all the time. I love the giggling baby stage!


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Tonight as N and I were snuggling before she went to bed she told me, "I'll never never never never be a baby again." I know I told her sadly.

My little girls are always growing!

It's all about rapid cell division around here.

Daddy and T

Last night, for about 5 minutes, my husband had T cracking up. Big belly laughs. It was so sweet. He's a great daddy. If you met him you probably wouldn't think he would be capable of being as silly as he can be. So T was laying on the bed cracking up and I was watching and cracking up. I wish I would have had the video camera with me, but I find I rarely have it when I want it.

Ouch

I do have a sore throat. It's not terrible, but it's definitely there. So far symptoms are just a sore throat and the teeniest bit of congestion and a slight headache. Assuming I don't get any worse I should be able to go about my activities as usual. I'm just glad I'm getting it after the 3 little girls and not starting the illness. (They've all had something... even T.)

I was thinking about going to a nursing support group with T (not because we need any help, but because I thought it might be fun to meet some other babies who are T's age--5 months now!), but given this sore throat I should probably wait till next week so we don't spread it on to others.

Okay... On to my day.

Re-Assessing

I am constantly re-assessing everything in my life. I don't know if everyone does this or if it's a by-product of working where I work. Where I work we constantly are trying to improve on processes and procedures. I kid you not, but we have a PIG (Process Improvement Group). I love always trying to improve on things, but that acronym needs work! I probably shouldn't leave this post up because of the acronym. Anyway, I am in the process of re-evaluating where I am and where I want to be. I need to go work on my self-evaluation, but I only have about 5 more minutes to be online and then I have to go somewhere...

Okay, all for now. This post may disappear or take a new form someday in the future.

Still tired...

So this will be another stream of consciousness post...

K and N's gymnastic classes were today. Again very very fun! I am so glad I signed the girls up for these classes even though I'm sure that the classes are where they got their colds. Pretty much every kid there today was coughing, or needing to blow his or her nose. I was a little worried about taking my girls this morning 'cause I didn't want them to infect any one. It doesn't seem like other people worried about that though. (And yes, I should just get over my germ phobia because germs are a fact of life. Especially with 3. One will probably always have something in the next 3-5 years.) I'm pretty sure K and N aren't contagious any more since they got sick on Friday, but N (4) still has a runny nose and a bad sounding cough. K (20 months) doesn't really have any symptoms other than a very occasional cough and she is acting a tiny bit calmer than usual.

I'm probably the contagious one now. I think that I'm fighting this cold off now. My throat is a teeny tiny bit sore. No other symptoms though and hopefully my immune system will win without the virus doing too much damage to me. (Aren't you glad this is coming at you through the Internet, and not in person? No germs!)

This afternoon I had a long heart-to-heart with the nanny and I feel better and I think she does. I have been stewing about some things since August. I know better than to stew... I should have spoken to her sooner. Oh, well, at least I did it today and didn't wait longer.

My cell phone is a mystery to me. I'm trying to figure out if I can send email from it. I think I can, but I think I might need to pay to get email service in place. The stupid cell phone service provider I use has too long of a wait on its help phone line though and I can't ever hold on long enough to talk to them.

My back is slowly feeling better... I used to always use the sling with the girls so that it was over my right shoulder. I have started trying to wear it over my left shoulder now. It's awkward, 'cause I'm so used to the right side, but having it on the left helps relieve pain on my right side. I used it over my right shoulder tonight and I'm regretting that now.

Okay... I should sleep now... Exhaustion is taking over.

Obfuscation

I think it's important to love what you do. I have been lucky in my work life... I have had two jobs where I have loved what I was doing.

Right now, I only just like my job, but that's actually good. I like the people I work with a lot. I like the place I work a lot. It's a very very cool place. But I actually can't let my job consume me like it used to right now. The most important thing to me right now is keeping my work under control and not letting it overtake me because I want to spend time with the girls. If I had a job that I loved too much I would either be frustrated because I couldn't work at it all the time, or I would be frustrated because I was working all the time and not seeing my sweet babies.

Someday, I will be totally passionate about my work again, but right now I can't be. It's a little weird for me even though I've not been able to be obsessed with my work for 4 years now. From 1996-2002 I got to do so many things. I did a lot of work and helped create something that is still going 4 years after I left it. I helped make something that has touched the lives of more than 50,000 people. I left a mark, but I am hardly a part of it now. I miss it. I know there is still a part of me there, and I know that people there still think of me and I know that someday I will work with them and go back to it again.

I will dance in the streets soon

Soon, my report (yes, the one that was supposed to be done before Christmas) will be done. (I know... but Christmas break was just too relaxing to interrupt it with work.) (Bad me!) I'm more than 1/2 way there I think. Realistically, I probably have about 8 hours left on it. Tomorrow I'll probably get about 2 hours to work on it. I'd get 3 if I were really really good and didn't take any blogging breaks.

The other thing I wanted to write about is that K (20 months) knows colors. If you ask her what color something is she'll proudly tell you, "Pink!" It most likely is not pink. Pink is the color she likes to name. If you ask her to hand you the green crayon though, she will do that. The other night in the bath she correctly identified the orange, green, blue, yellow and red bath crayons. I was very impressed. She's not 100% quite yet though. Tonight she was pointing to the yellow lego when I was asking her to show me green. She's getting there though.

The alphabet is coming along nicely too. I will say AB and she'll say CD I'll do EF she'll do G and then she launches into JJJJJJJJ P.

The throwing up when screaming is coming along nicely too. She did it again tonight. For my husband. When he was alone with 3. Poor guy. I live in fear of that happening to me when I'm alone with 3. I don't let her scream for any length of time when I'm alone with 3.

So anyway, did I tell you I had to be in at work really really early this morning for a meeting and when I got there I found out they had cancelled the meeting??? Did I tell you I was annoyed?

I need to get that report finished. I have another thing to write for another project. I need to up my work hours from about 5-10 hours a week to 20... soon. I have a lot of vacation and still some maternity leave so I don't have to up my hours, but I just have so much work creeping up on me.

Oh the good news about work is I don't have to go on a business trip. I'm very glad because the trip falls on my birthday.

Yes, this is a stream of consciousness post. I’m very tired cause I had to get up very early.

Talk about micromanaging...

When N (4!) gets up in the morning she doesn't want to go to the bathroom. I don't understand this. Her father doesn't understand this. Her nanny doesn't understand this. I'm sure most people out there don't understand this phenomenon. Having to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom is one of the annoying things about getting old. N doesn't even seem to have to go after a whole night.

Most mornings she won't go until you make convince her she should go. This convincing can take the form of bribes or threats. (Bribe: You can watch Dora. Threat: Okay, we can't go to preschool until you go to the bathroom. Bribe/Threat combo: Okay, no Dora until you go to the bathroom and then you can watch her.) I feel like such a micromanager because I have to a) keep track of whether she's gone to the bathroom in the morning, and b) convince her to go.

We used to have battles of will over this, but I have learned some tricks when she is feeling extremely stubborn...

1) Set a timer and tell her she can wait to go to the bathrooom when the timer goes off.
2) Bribe, Threat, Bribe/Threat combo depending on her mood of the day.

I realize she's only 4. But, she's fully potty-trained and has been totally dry since 2 years 9 months. She's had exactly 2 accidents since then. They have both been because she's not wanted to stop doing what she was doing to go to the bathroom until too late. I can't complain, but it just seems so odd to me to have to keep track of this bodily function for her. I realize that every other Mom also has to keep track of this, but it is odd. It only takes a minute or two to go to the bathroom, wash hands and all that. Why don't they just do it??

Cancelled

N's party was cancelled due to illness.... She and her sister K (20 months) are sick. I feel awful! No, I'm not sick. It's not physical. I feel bad for canceling the party. Yesterday, N was coming down with a cold. Last night she was saying that she was too sick for her party and too sick for presents. This morning, she's a sniffling, sneezing, coughing mess. My favorite is when she wipes the snot up her face (lovely image huh?).

I'm not sure where K and N got this to both get sick at the same time (maybe gymnastics on Tuesday, but they are in different classes, but maybe they both touched the same thing with germs on it?). At least with both of them having it at the same time, I don't have to wait for one of them to catch it from the other. (Always looking at the good side of things--that's me.)

Anyway, when N first got up this morning she said she wanted her party. Now, fortunately for my guilt, she says she is "a lot sick" and doesn't want her party. Whew! I was feeling so guilty canceling it, but if she doesn't feel like a party then I don't have to feel guilty!

I knew that I wouldn't send her to a birthday party being this sick, but since it was her own, I hated to deny her. But now I'm not denying her since she doesn't even want it. (Oh the mental games we have to play to make ourselves feel better as Moms.) We just gave her a new video for her birthday so she has some new entertainment during her illness.

I'm going to go sit next to my sniffling, sneezing, coughing little girl. K is napping upstairs... or was... just as I typed that she started yelling for me. Duty calls.

Migration Assistant Rocks!

If you use MacOS X, and you get a new machine, I highly recommend Migration Assistant to help you make the switch. I've always thought that getting a new computer is a fun, but very painful experience. (Indeed, much like the experience of giving birth--since this is a "mommy-blog," and since I have given birth 3 times, I can make that comparison.) However, with Migration Assistant, transitioning to my new Powerbook (no not the new new one that Apple just came out with, but a brand spanking new 12-inch Powerbook) has been a completely painless experience.

Apple totally got it right with Migration Assistant. I haven't had to move anything or reset anything. I plugged in a firewire cable to the old machine and the new machine and Migration Assistant did it all. Migration Assistant even moved all my cookies, preferences and passwords for all the web sites I frequent. I have always loved Apple. I love them even more now. I love love love love love them!

Annoyed

Okay... I'm busy... I have 3 little ones... I work... I also work really hard to not be late and to remember meetings. I put them in my cell phone calendar and set an alarm. I usually set the alarm for 1 hour before the meeting to remind me in case I forget. With 1 hour notice I can either get to work, or get home and get online (since a lot of my meetings are virtual ones).

I had a meeting that was supposed to start 12 minutes ago... I'm online and have been trying to get the person's attention (in IM) for the last 12 minutes. He's not responding. I am annoyed. My alarm to remind me of this meeting went off at noon... I did my errand and got home and logged in so I could be online at 1. He's not responding.

There is the slight chance that he and I did the "timezone thing" wrong, but both he and I are good at timezones. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he's now 16 minutes late and I have a baby laying on the gymini who isn't going to give me much more than 1/2 hour.

Remember back when you were in college? If the prof didn't show up for class? You had to wait 10 minutes if they weren't a Ph.D. and 15 if they were. He and I are both Ph.D.s so how long do I have to wait? I think the baby's schedule will dictate that. (He's 18 minutes late now.)

Should I tell him to get an alarm reminder?

And the worst part is that I feel guilty... I wonder if I screwed up somehow, but I don't think I did.

N's doctor visit

I think I might have mentioned that we go to the doctor every month for checks-up because of the way the birthdays fall. Today it was N's turn. As we were driving there she asked, "Am I going to get a shot today?" I thought for a second and I said, "Let's wait and ask the doctor if you need one."

Apparently this was the right answer because N just said, "Okay, that's a good idea."

A few minutes later she said, "I think the doctor will say I don't need any shots today."

I replied, "But what if she says you do?"

N replied, "Well, as long as she gives me a band-aid, it will be okay."

Wow.

Indeed, that is what happened when we got to the doctor's office. We did the check-up and then N asked. The doctor said one shot, and N asked if she could get a band-aid. The doctor said, "Of course."

The doctor left the room and N asked me where she would get the shot. I said her arm. She rolled up her sleeve and asked, "here?"

I said, "Most likely a little higher."

She rolled up her sleeve to her shoulder. "Here?" She pointed to her upper arm.

I said, "Yup, probably there."

She said, "Okay."

The nurse came in, gave her the shot. N didn't cry! She was so good. The nurse asked if she wanted a lollipop. N said, "No thanks, my Mommy is going to get me a different treat in a minute." What kind of kid turns down a lollipop? I asked N if she wanted the lollipop from the nurse for later. She replied, "No thanks one treat is enough."

My little girl is so big! I was so proud of her. She's 41 inches tall (but we think that she is closer to 42) and 41 pounds (fully clothed). She's long, lean, and muscular. She's definitely right on for all of the milestones for a 4 year old or a little ahead. She's a great kid... I can't believe she's not a baby anymore. She was my first baby. I've learned so much from her.

A message I would like to hear

Today, I dialed a number from my cell phone and I heard,

"Neeer Neeer Neeer (the three little tones when you dial a disconnected number). We're sorry, the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this message by mistake, please try again." (Or something really close to that.)

No, it hasn't been disconnected. It is in service. I dialed correctly (I can look right on the screen and see what I dialed.)

The message I would have liked to have heard,

"We're sorry, but our networks are inadequate even though we charge you a great deal of money each month. Because we are so lame, our network could not pick up the number you dialed and parse it correctly, so we can't connect you right now. We are sorry we suck so much, but we do. It's just a fact of life. We realize you live in a major metropolitan area, and we realize we shouldn't suck so much, but really all we care about is profit, not providing a good service."

Random X

I. N has started saying, "Mommy/Daddy, you're the best." She'll say this when she wants something, but she'll also say it when she is happy with something we've done. It's very sweet when she does the latter.

II. N told me today that she is "all the way 4." I agreed.

III. T (4.5 months) almost has a second tooth. You can also see the outlines of the top two teeth right under the gums on top. She is doing pretty well and being very good considering how many teeth she is getting.

IV. Because of the craziness of 3, I've had to give up caring whether N's socks match her outfit or not. She usually dresses herself. I lay out clothes for her, but sometimes she'll modify the outfit. I used to have time to care, and time to rememdy the situation. Now I don't. I've mostly switched to all white socks for her, but we still have some pink and purple ones and she will wear them with many other colors.

V. I'm no longer able to keep up with all of the laundry, nor am I able to keep all the toys picked up now. I look back at some of the pictures from when it was just N and I had all the toys organized and put away most of the time--except for the few she was playing with at the moment. The house just looks so neat and clean in those pictures from 2-4 years ago. I just can't believe how many toys we have now. Wall-to-wall toys, the latest in decorating.

VI. We had gymnastics again today and again K (20 months) was fearless and it was so much fun. I'm working on getting her to slow down and concentrate on what she is doing. She was trying to go too fast on the balance beam and I told her to concentrate and she looked down and watched her feet and did well. So cute!

VII. My back was feeling better over the weekend. It barely hurt! Today it is a little sore. I'm guessing it is sore because of my dance class last night. I am making myself get a massage and go to the chiropractor every week until I am pain-free. Yea, it sounds funny to say making myself get a massage, but what I usually do is go until I feel a little better and then stop going because I don't have enough time. If I want to get better, I need to keep going until it really really is better. Not just a little better.

VIII. My mom (80) just learned about blogs. My nephew has one. She reads it. I haven't seen his blog yet. He wants to be a journalist, so it makes sense that he would have one. My mom doesn't know about my blog. She would read this and then ask me questions about the entries. I would not like that. I wish I could share this with her, but then I couldn't write all the things I want to write... (not that I have the time).

IX. I wish my mom would "love me for who I am, not what she wants me to be." That's a paraphrased line from one of Charlotte Diamond's songs. (I enjoy the Charlotte Diamond songs and so do the girls. I find them not annoying children songs.) Though I know my mom is proud of me and my accomplishments, I'm know she wishes I had some different qualities. I'll get into that later. (I have so many things I want to write about, but no time!)

X. One last thing to end this random post. When N was younger, we offered to let her take books with her to bed. She did not want to do that. She gave us a look like that is just wrong. K loves to take books to bed with her. They are so similar in many ways and so different!

K is easier than N except when she's not.

A tautological title. Ooooh an alliteration.

In general, K (20 months) is easier than N (4!). K is usually more mellow, listens better (even though she is younger), is less stubborn, and is easier on toys and the knees of her pants. However, K has one trick up her sleeve and when she pulls it out we think N is easier. It is the trump card of all trump cards. K will occasionally scream so hard that she makes herself throw up. When she gets into one of these moods there isn't anything we can do to stop it. It doesn't matter whether I hold her; put her down; or offer candy or other bribes... She just gets so upset that she throws up. It can happen in a matter of seconds. It's happened about 5 or 6 times in the last 6 or 7 months.

It's so gross. I haven't figured out if she feels sick to start with and then cries and then throws up or if she just gets so upset that she screams so hard that she makes herself throw up. I think it's the latter. She was a very spit-uppy baby, N never was, and the doctor just said K's spitting up was a just a " laundry problem." As she started eating solids the spitting up went away, but sometimes she would take too big of a bite of food and end up gagging and throwing up. That went away as she learned to judge bites of food and the size of her mouth. Now it's when she's upset she throws up.

To further support why I don't think she's feeling sick first, but rather just an "upset thing," one time, we were just playing and everything was fine. Then she fell, hit her mouth pretty hard, and she started to scream and threw up--all in about the span of 20 seconds. I spoke to the doctor about this issue. Apparently it's not uncommon. It's just yucky though. The doctor said most kids outgrow it by the time they are about 4. Great. Only 2 years and 4 months to go, but who's counting?

So the reason for this entry was that K worked herself up into a frenzy last night and threw up. It was all over her just after her bath, and all over the carpet in her room. N was still in the tub and T was needing to be held. Good times. It was a frantic and smelly 15 minutes.

It's too hard

It's too hard for me to concentrate and write on the report I am writing for work when I am nursing a baby--that's what I'm doing now (nursing). I can type, but I can't think about all the data, what all needs to be said, and come to conclusions with a baby at my breast. The breastfeeding hormones just don't allow for that to happen. Babe goes to the breast and my IQ drops about 20-30 points. Babe off the breast and I'm back to normal. Seriously.

I love breastfeeding. It's easy, it's convenient, it's good for the baby and there are about 1,000 other reasons that I'll write about someday. Breastfeeding is supposed to increase IQ in children. I believe it. My theory for the increased IQ is that the baby sucks the mother's IQ out of the mother while nursing. The mother, can compensate and return to normal after the nursing session is over, but during the session the mother experiences significant cognitive deficits.

Out of the mouths of babes

N always says she's a mommy. Today, while we were out, I asked her why she wants to be a mommy so much. She answered, because Mom's are important.

Smart girl.

A funny, as in funny sad, not funny ha-ha, story

I have to record this for posterity even though it's sad and I'm a PollyAnna and I hate writing down the bad. And actually, it's funny, as in ha-ha, if it didn't happen to you. Now, enough time has passed that I can actually laugh about it too.

Back in October I was so stressed. Totally. And. Completely. Stressed. T was only 2 months old and my brain was not back. (It's not all the way back now, but I am getting better.) We were getting ready to buy our new house. I was doing a big project at work. My parents were about ready to come visit.

Anyway, back in October when I was stressed, (did I mention that I was really really really stressed?), I was eating lunch and I bit my fork. It was a metal fork. I was eating fast, because I was stressed, and trying to get 17 things done at once, and I bit my fork. What kind of idiot bites her fork? In that fork-biting instance I chipped off a piece of one of my lower teeth and hurt one of my upper teeth.

I am happy to report that my teeth are now all fixed. The dentist fixed my upper one quickly (and it is beeeeee-yooou-ti-ful!), but we decided to wait till this year so that the insurance money would "re-fill," before we fixed the lower one. It was a very small chip out of the lower one and I'm sure no one else noticed it. I could tell when I looked at it in the mirror, but it didn't look bad. My tongue knew, but it knows everything about my mouth. My tongue is very happy the tooth is fixed as before it was a little rough. Now it's smooth and my tongue is happy again.

Anyway, there you have it... The fork-biting reality of three.

The PollyAnna in me views this fork-biting incident as a "wake-up call." A chance to realize that I needed to slow down, focus, and get more help before something really bad happened. It did help me re-prioritize.

WHOOOOOOOOOSH

Douglas Adams once said: “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

Now that I have 3 little ones who are all so little, deadlines have just turned into whooshing critters to me. Deadlines used to motivate me so much. I used to get everything done by the deadline be it a real deadline or an arbitrary self-imposed one. If I tried to make all my deadlines (or any of them) now I would not ever get any sleep and sleep is very sacred around here. (I feel we need to model good sleep habits.)

It's so easy to procrastinate when you have children. All you have to do is say you are spending quality time with them and then you have the perfect excuse. Who can argue with you when you are bonding with your child? You need to spend time with your child for their sake. Or if they get sick, then what kind of a parent would you be if you didn't drop everything to sit by their bed and nurse them back to health? Or they make a mess and you have to unexpectedly clean the kitchen floor which then makes the rest of the house look dirty so you have to clean it from top-to-bottom too. Children give you endless perfect excuses to put off almost anything and to rationalize almost anything*!

This weekend I need to start a report that should have been done before Christmas (talk about missing the deadline). I also need to start drafting a new research plan to take to a meeting that will happen sometime between the 16th and 31st of January (talk about your loose deadline).

I want to start the research plan, but I'm so intimidated by it that I find myself procrastinating in a BIG BAD WAY. This area of research is a new one for me and it's so daunting. As soon as I get started I know I will be fine. But right now, all these famous procrastinators would be proud of me!




*And the reason I'm blogging so much lately is for them. I'm documenting my life for them. Yea, yea, that's the ticket!

Happy Birthday to N!

N is almost 4. Her birthday is so soon and she's getting excited! We have several activities coming up for it. It's more like a week celebration than one day. On Monday we'll take in treats for preschool. I have to make something and make up a little treat bag for all 24 kids. (Digression... can you imagine being one of the two teachers in a room of 24 three and four year olds??????) We'll be heading to the local party store. It's really a cool store and they have so much stuff for little kids.

I'm hoping to take N swimming this weekend as a treat. (I'll take both N & K and leave T home with Daddy.) There's an indoor pool fairly close that is supposed to be wonderful. We've never been, but a friend of mine takes her daughter there. N's party won't be until next weekend. She decided to take all of her friends out to lunch at this great restaurant. I was thrilled with this decision. I don't have to stress about cleaning the house! I just need to get a cake, some balloons, and a treat bag for her friends. It will be a fairly small amount of kids, and some adults. We'll go to a park and let the kids run around after lunch if it's nice enough weather.

On the day of her birth, I can't decide if we should have some people over for dinner or what we should do. It's a school night and things are always crazy around here... I think maybe it would be fun to have her dad and I take her to lunch all by herself that day. Good idea! Yay. It's a plan.

I can't believe my first born is already 4. She's such a combination of a little girl and a baby. Sometimes she seems so grown up. Like when she says to me, "I just want to be alone for a while Mom." Then she goes into her room and lays on her bed and contemplates life.

Complicated...

I used to have this co-worker who had a very "complicated" life. Whenever I tried to schedule a meeting with her it was always, well, I could meet at this time, but it's complicated because... and she'd launch into a ten minute explanation of her kids' swimming, baseball, school, and her fitness class schedule.

I don't think I could have cared less. All I wanted to do was schedule a damn meeting. Nevermind that we could have just had 1/2 of the meeting we needed to have in the time she just wasted explaining when she couldn't meet and why... but I digress. I would guess that my life is now as complicated, or more complicated than hers was, but I try not to make my colleagues listen to me ramble about what is happening when. I know that they don't care! (Nor should they!)

Our lives are complicated because of 3 little girls and 3 houses... Long story short... We bought a little house in a great location with a lot of potential 5 years ago. Since we bought it, we have been working towards a remodel of it, but we had some issues with getting permits to do the remodel. We moved out of it in September because it was too small for a family of 5. (It would have exploded from the pressure of all the toys and baby equipment!) We moved into a rental house because we weren't sure whether we'd remodel our old house or buy a new one. As we were moving, we finally cleared all the hurdles to do the remodel, but, about 1 day after we moved into the rental house, we found another house that we liked. About 3 weeks later we decided to place an offer on that other house. About 1 month after we place the offer we own this new large house.

You with me so far? We have our old house, our new house, and the rental house. Too many houses. Our old house is now on the market. (Know any one who wants a great little house in a lovely, peaceful location? We have the permits for the remodel too! And we have the plans. It's really a nice house and a great remodel! I'm sad that we won't be there to see it happen.)

We'll now be in the rental house until the new house gets remodeled. The remodel will start in March and end in June (theoretically). (The permitting process is much easier where the new house is and we're not adding on or doing anything structural so it will be easier than remodeling our old house.) I know that our life will get a lot more complicated during the remodel before it gets simpler. I'm sure I'll be talking more about the remodel since we're about to get started on it.

As creative as I get...

Between work, 3 little girls (and their 30 fingernails and 30 toenails), 3 houses (more on that soon), 2 nannies, 1 husband, 1 cat, 1 dance class, 1 aerobics class, and a zillion toys to keep track of, I don't have a lot of time left to be creative. This year at Christmas I came up with what I thought was a good idea--not an original one by any stretch, but one that I liked.

I got little refrigerator magnet photo frames to put pictures of the girls in and gave those (in addition to a real present) to SIL's and nannies. I always have wallet photos that I want to do something with, but I never know what (too many for my wallet!). The little frame protects the photo from kitchen gunk and allows me to see the people I love on a regular basis (I spend a lot of time at my refrigerator!).

Just call me Martha. (Actually, it was almost too much for me to trim the photos to fit the frames.)

Puddles and Rain boots

Is there anything more fun than stomping through puddles in rainboots? The other day I let N go stomping in puddles. She had so much fun creating mud. The simple pleasures.

Ticklish T an update on the Alphabet plus other random stuff

T (4 months) is very ticklish on her cheecks and around her nose... It makes her giggle when you touch her nose, but it also relaxes her. She's fallen asleep by having her nose lightly stroked. Not just the part between her eyes, but the part underneath her nose... the part between the nostrils. It's hilarious. I'd forget this if I didn't write it down... Well, I'd probably not forget it totally, because it's odd, but I'd probably forget which girl was ticklish like this.

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K is still working on learning the alphabet.... We have a Fridge Phonics Magnetic Letter Toy and she pushes the button on it to make it sing the ABC's. She practices singing with it. She's getting pretty good. She gets about 70-80% of the letters now. She'll do it over and over for about 5 minutes. If she's ever grumpy, my singing the ABC song will cheer her up... She loves to sing it. I'm so proud. I can't tell if she has the concept that the different letters (the symbols) match up to the letters she says. Sometimes she'll pick up the letters and try to name them (incorrectly) and sometimes she just picks them up and throws them. I think the concept is beginning to develop, but she's not all the way there yet.

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T has a tooth.... At her 4 month check up the doctor looked at T's gums and proclaimed T would get one soon. I hoped the doctor was wrong, but she wasn't... T's lower left tooth broke through... I felt something as she was gnawing on my arm and confirmed it with my finger on Monday (1/2)... It broke through either 1/1 or 1/2. I love the toothless grin... I'm going to miss it... My baby is growing up.

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3 is getting easier. I think so, the nannies thinks so, and my husband thinks so too. They are growing up, we are learning the tricks and they are adjusting to life as a pack of 3 kidlets. I think we are reaching a new normal. I'm happy that this is happening. This is the positive side to growing up.

As I drove off to my dance class Monday night, leaving my husband alone with the 3, I couldn't help but giggle...Not because I was abandoning him, but because even 5 years ago, the thought of being alone with any number of children, even one, would have scared him. Now he's Super Daddy and can handle three! He's a great dad. When I came home from dance class T was in the bjorn and N and K were playing together in their room with him supervising. It was very cute.

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The time between 4 months and walking is, in my opinion, the easiest time. At least it was for me with N and K. We'll see what happens with T. The time after a toddler learns to run and until about 22 months is the toughest time, in my opinion. Too much mobility and not enough in the way of generative communication makes it so tough. (Or at least it was with N and so far it has been difficult with K, but it hasn't ended yet. We'll see when it ends with her--I'm hoping soon.) (I guess it is funny that I think this stage is so tough when in reality N is more difficult for me and probably always will be. She's the oldest so I learn from her. N really is a good girl.)

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In case you were wondering... a flouride tablet stuck up one's nose will dissolve and leave no apparent ill-effects on the nose. N accidentally stuck one up her nose the other night.

How does one accidentally stick a flouride tablet up one's nose you ask... Well, if you're 4 and you have a tablet in your hand, and it sticks to your finger, and you decide you need to pick your nose, that's how it accidentally gets stuck up your nose.

Poor N... She was a little traumatized by the purple snot coming out of her nose as the tablet dissolved... She may also have been a little miffed by her parents falling down laughing on the floor. And by her parents trying to take pictures of her and the purple snot coming out of her nose. I got a good shot of the kleenex with the purple snot. Does this make me a bad mom?

One more...

One more resolution. I know some people don't like resolutions, but I do. I don't make a resolution if I don't feel I am able to keep it. (Why bother if you know you can't do it???) I don't make resolutions like exercise more or lose weight because I will do those things as soon as I can. (Remember, I'm one of those people who like to exercise. I like to go to the gym. I like to do a kick-boxing and then aerobics class back to back. I have a heart rate monitor and I use it. Exercise is fun in my opinion.)

My additional resolution is to be more patient with N. N is almost 4, and sometimes acts like she's going on 14 and sometimes acts like she's 19 months old (like K). Both drive me crazy. N's father is so patient with her. I am not always so patient. I end up being very frustrated and sometimes yelling to get her attention. I get so mad at myself when I react that way. I feel awful. I need to count to 10 more and not react.

I did better yesterday. Yesterday she was very tired when she came home from preschool. (Not surprising as it was her first day back after 2 weeks off.) We were in the car driving home and she said she wanted to go to the post office to mail a card to Grandma and Grandpa... Okay, that's fine (sweet even)... I said we could go. She showed me her "card and envelope" that she had created. I try and explain to her that the envelope she has made won't actually make it to Grandma and Grandpa if she mails it like it is. I try to explain addresses and such to her. She starts to cry. I pause and try to think of something different to say, but wait, two seconds have passed and she is hysterical. Good times.

Deep breath. Count to 10. Remember she is tired. Try to explain again. She's still hysterical. I am frustrated because she is screaming and won't look or listen to me. I think she's being a little irrational, but I am trying to not be upset. I get out of the car (we're at home in the garage now). She's still screaming. I shut the door and count to 10. She's still screaming. I tell her she needs to calm down. Still screaming. I shut the door of the car. I take my purse in the house. I go back and check on her. She is still screaming unconsolably. I tell her that she can stay in the car for a few more minutes. Shut the door to the car. Count to 10. Listen to her scream louder. Know that I can't take her out of the car because she'll wake up both of her little sisters who are inside napping. I ask the nanny if she has any suggestions. The nanny doesn't.

Go back to the garage. Count to 10 again. Open the door. Listen to her howl about wanting to go to the post office to mail the letter. I try and explain that we need a different envelope to put her card and evelope in. Listen to her howl. Shut door.... Count. Rinse. Repeat. I decide to show her what an envelope that meets postal regulations looks like. Feel like a genius. Run inside and get one. Address it and stick a stamp on it. Go back to the car. Show it to her. Watch her cry harder. Sigh. Count again.

Ask her what we can do to make her happy. Have her tell you again that she wants to mail the envelope as is. Tell her if we mail it as is, it won't get to Grandma & Grandpa. Have her cry. Have her beg to go the Post Office. Decide to drive to the post office and see if one of the postal employees can explain things to her. Hope that they don't go postal on her. Start the car. Have her scream that the post office is at the end of our drive way. Realize she thinks our mailbox is the post office. Realize that she can stick the card and envelope in the mailbox as is and that I can pull it out. Tell her we can walk to the mailbox. Have her stop crying. Thank you! I take a deep breath and decide to explain the difference between a mailbox and post office. She is now starting to listen. She's calming down and becoming a somewhat rational being. I'm a parenting genius! (Tongue in cheek.)

After learning the difference between the post office and the mailbox she decides that it might be better to wait and take the "card and envelope" to the post office. But before we do that she wants to make some more things to send to Grandma & Grandpa. She also decides that we can use the real envelope to hold all of her creations. Whew.... All of this takes about 10-15 minutes. That doesn't sound very long, but when a child is screaming it's a really long time.

And that is why my additional resolution is to try and be more patient with N.

Yes, I realize

The two previous posts seem a little, ummm, contradictory... (Not quite the right word, maybe antithetical?... diametrically opposed?, antipodal? Hmmmm, can't seem to pick one word that fits best... suggestions any one?) Anyway, yes, I realize that if I didn't do so much stuff, like a Mommy and Me gymastics class, or my dance class, or working out, my back might not be so screwed up. On the other hand, if I didn't do these things, I would be heavier (not good for my back), less limber (not good for my back), less strong (in my arms and legs), and less happy (not good in general).

I am in a bit of pain after the gymnastics class, but even if I didn't do the classes I'd still be lifting a lot of small children all the time. Doing classes with the kiddos makes life more fun, and just sitting hurts, so I might as well be having fun. If my back ever goes out, and I literally can't walk (this has happened before), then that is a different story. I will then rest and recover. But as long as the pain level is tolerable (I'm probably a 3 or 4 out of 10 on most days and on bad days, I'm a 5 or a 6) then I will continue to do everything. I try not to take ibuprofen or other NSAIDs because of potential side effects. Right now, I am going through life in a bit of pain. I do believe it will get better though. I do not want it to slow me down.

So much fun

I just got back from the first Mommy and Me gymnastics class with K. It was so much fun. Miss K was one of the youngest, most high energy, and most coordinated kiddos in the class. I'm not surprised by any of it. She's really really coordinated. She always has been. Perhaps she has to be since N is not, and to survive with N she has to be really nimble and quick. I'm not surprised she's one of the most high energy kids either. N is the most high energy little girl I've ever seen. My mom says I had a lot of energy when I was little, but she thinks N might be even more high energy than me. K looks sluggish compared to N. Seriously. But compared to other kiddos, K is high energy. I'm pretty high energy as an adult, but my husband is very mellow. Yin and Yang. N gets the energy level from me...

Anyway...

The class... It was so much fun. Miss K did lots of summersaults, with perfect form, walked on the balance beam, jumped on the trampoline, climbed up the vault, jumped off the vault, slid down things, ran, skipped, laughed ... you name it, she did it. I was exhausted by the time class ended. Good work out for me chasing her and helping spot her. She's 26-ish pounds of baby girl. And, in addition to the class, I have to do the olympic sport of getting everyone dressed and ready to go before class starts--all before 10:20 am. Have I mentioned that we are not morning people? Over break, the girls were sleeping till 10:30/11 am, so this morning was hard.

It was fun though. So worth it! We are so signing up for next quarter too.

Report Back

Over break, my back got increasingly more sore because I was with the girls so much. By yesterday, I had pain down both legs and all over my upper back as well. I went to my chiropractor and got a massage today. Usually I'd be in excruciating pain after the massage, but instead of a deep tissue massage I got a "hot stone massage" and then she worked the deep tissue. Oh my! It was great. I'm not sore. The hot stones warmed the muscles so she could go deeper into the muscle without causing pain.

Look, I can turn my head both directions and not wince. And I can raise my arms without pain. Even sitting (which usually causes pain shooting down my legs) is pretty good. I am a new person! I usually dread the massage because it usually hurts so much (in a way that is good for me) but I am feeling good now! I actually signed up for another one on Friday. I may actually be able to get my back better! I'm so excited.

I'm now looking for a good back stretching exercise video. I have an exercise ball and a DVD that is pretty good, but it doesn't specifically target the back. If any one has any suggestions, please let me know!

Mucho Cuteness

Warning: Descriptions of excessive cuteness will follow.

Miss T (4 months) has found her feet! She found the feet a while ago, but now they have made it to her mouth. When there is one baby involved, to me, there is nothing cuter than that baby with her toes in her mouth! Seeing it for the third time confirms my feelings on this.

Of course, the more little girls involved, the cuter things get. Tonight, all 3 of my little girls were interacting as sisters and I don't think it could get any cuter. T is learning how to sit up and we had her propped in the Bobby. N (almost 4) was playing with her feet and helping her sit, and K (19.5 months) was walking around and bending down to give her kisses. As she was giving her kisses she kept saying, "Hi T_____." Her little 19.5 month old voice is so sweet. Then both N and K bent in to give T kisses. I had the camera and the video camera going. I hope I captured some of the essence of their interaction tonight.

The end of an era

N (almost 4) can open our baby gates. No longer can we shut her out of things. Alas. Some kids learn how to open gates (or climb over them) much sooner than this though so we can't complain too much. I'm sure Miss K (19.5 months) will learn how to climb over them very soon. She is a climber. We'll be leaving the gates up (and shut) so we can hear N opening the gates so she can't just go sneak off without us hearing.

Sadness

Our Holiday break is almost over. I'm so sad. This has been a great 2 weeks (minus the stressful times that 3 little ones can cause and the stress from not having a nanny when she got sick before the holiday). It's been so nice having my husband off work and just hanging out as a family of 5. Tomorrow preschool starts up again. N (almost 4) is overjoyed. I think she got a little bored just hanging out with us. She kept asking when she got to go back to preschool. I'm sad and she's glad. I imagine it's just the first of many times where our perspectives will differ.

2006

It's a new year. Why does New Year's Day feel differently than other days? It's not. It's just a day that we mark with the importance of starting a new year. It is all fresh and shiny and new. Not really, but I'll play along.

Out with the Old
Last night we went to a party to mark the monumentous occasion. It was a kid-friendly party. However, we were the only people there with 3 kids. We also had the youngest kids. It was an ok party... Not great. In part because it was too small. I like intimate gatherings as much as the next person, but this was an intimate gathering with a whole bunch of people who were all really good friends plus us. We are friends with the host and hostess, but not the other people who were at the party. The other people were nice enough, but we didn't know them. They all hang out a lot so we didn't know what they were discussing. We were a little bored. It was nice to see the host and hostess, and our kiddos got to play with different toys, but the party itself wasn't that exciting. We spent the last hour with the five of us in a room full of their child's toys. We left fairly early.

In with the New
We got home before the New Year actually rolled in and got the older two in bed and then put on a DVD to watch. We're just starting the series Wonderfalls. So far, two episodes in, we're enjoying it. We're also watching Scrubs, but we don't have any DVDs from that show currently. We are NetFlix people. Almost all of our entertainment comes from there. Actually, it's kind of cool because we have had NetFlix for so long that we have the original price plan which includes 4 DVDs at a time rather than the 3 that they offer, but 4 for the price of 3 a month. I know, we're too cool. One of the perks for being an early adopter of NetFlix.

After we finished watching Wonderfalls, we rang in the New Year with the traditional kiss and then got ready for bed. We're boring, but happy. We're in the kid-phase right now. The very young kid-phase. Our life won't be like this forever. Already, T (4 months) is getting so big. This morning, all 3 of the girls were on the bed in a row beside me. It was too cute.

Resolving
My new year resolution is to create a schedule that works so that I can spend quality time with each girl alone each week, get my work done, and not feel stressed. Good luck to me!

I am not a schedule person so this will be a challenge. I'm a "schedule of the day" kind of person. A fly by the seat of my pants kind of spontaneous person. I'm pretty good at it too. In addition, my work is also a kind of work that is hard to schedule. I work for a company that consults to a great many clients. Our schedules are client-driven. I've gotten better at controlling things in the last 3 years so maybe I'll just work harder at controlling things even more this year. I dislike schedules cause I have to work so hard at keeping them.... Sigh. I already feel like I've done more planning in the last 4 months (since T arrived) than I did in the previous 3X years of my life. Sigh again. Here goes.